Luenell & The Time She Robbed A Bank (& Ian Fidance Stops By) | TigerBelly 452

[Music] did you hear about what happened to EJ who's EJ kidding he got attacked by a bird and had to go to the hospital you know the same thing happened to me once really crows okay mine was a morning dove his was a morning dove can you get on the mic real quick yeah sure don't let morning dubs attack your face what happened you've been on our show before right um I think I just uh tell them how you got bullied because Bobby called you Harry Potter I set some stuff on the table and then Bobby started singing the the Harry Potter theme song and I started getting messages from high school friends like who haven't spoken to me since I graduated like bullying me bullying you again yeah they started calling me like hey Harry Potter hey Harry Potter like multiple people oh so you got a second wve bullying from your old are you not the Asian Harry Potter I don't know about that okay so tell us about the the morning dove you I'll tell you why he's that Harry Potter he's a little wand yeah you're not a wizard Liar Liar Bobby you got attacked by a crow I did and my dad um he goes next time you take he took my backpack and he do this right you do this and then he broke the chandelier I remember my brother my brother remembers that and I go I'm not going to do that you know what I mean but it was crazy oh my yeah that's so wild but why would a c attack you like you had to have something to it I us to put seeds on my head so B yeah yeah it's a challenge it's a Minnesota game what did you do to this morning D no I I woke up at like 6:00 a.m. me and my girlfriend were like in a fight and stuff you have a girlfriend I have a girlfriend that's insane it's pretty it's a new dude dude many how many that means Grandma I thought howon was Grandma it is Grandma I mean is that Korean no it's [ __ ] Dutch I'm sorry is Dutch a language it is yeah we're good no but I went running and I ran like the most miles i' ever tell you about you Harry Potter dude that's Harry's laugh yeah it is doubled door that's his like quiddit like celebration laugh yeah I'll tell you this man hang on I want to hear this well let me can I make an observation though you know usually human beings you know I mean the color of their skin is right the color of their skin right is a different color than the lips but not this guy beige throughout baby his lips are like chameleon no one's ever said this to there's no there's no border there's nothing it's just one color and that's what I love about you bud oh yeah yeah you're like a muppet get bullied so much that walked how's that being bullied you're not bullying him he will which I love yeah yeah so everyone did you need stitches I didn't um I thought I would it was a lot of blood uh everybody at the clinic who I told what happened including the doctor laughed at me and then she was like you don't need stitches we're just going to give you a wrap and they gave me like a red durag durag looking rap and uh and that was it d That's so that's like a really pathetic Story You're a pathetic human no I like you a lot though you're what a nicey you're great you know I'll tell you this out of all the people that have um done tapes with me you're the best how dare you a I've done some good ones have I booked for because of you you did not get beef with me I never got anything with you well to be fair he was also full relapse have I booked with him I think you got close on one person wait wait did you do who did Borderland I did you your Borderland yeah you always book the ones I do with sorry but you do yeah hire people to do it's it's my notes are great his T notes are clear though yeah yeah his notes are very clear thank you yeah yeah yeah yeah um what are you [ __ ] laughing at will you stop doing your little Whimsical [ __ ] hogart laugh yeah I don't like it anyway um so if you were Hogwart I mean a wizard what what a hogart hogart I just woke up um why is it every time I just I'm here I just wake up huh lately but you were working up early before I what's your normal wake up time now God maybe non-podcast day cuz right now it's 1:00 probably two oh two yeah that's what I still assumed yeah yeah probably 2: p.m. 1 2 you know um but what what does it matter I just know if there's been improvements It's My Life yeah it is Jesus Christ take take that out it's too much in I'm so proud of you thanks yeah uh you're an actor too no I am yeah you work a lot no sad ever I had no have you worked ever yes like what have you done uh lunell yeah lel's here L where hi lenel hi hi l Inflatables you're right here oh I love those are those Crocs they are no during the r of this little girl reached out to me cuz I had knee surgery yeah on Instagram and I I was a staunch cader they're ugly and make your feet look like Mickey Mouse feet but when she made these like this then I she sent me two beers and I ordered seven beer wow those are really cool you smell so nice too she our mother whoa dud those are [ __ ] bling bling they're really good right oh those real diamonds yeah no yeah it looks so good these are real diamonds but those not on my shoe W what are you wearing you smells so nice it's a should I put these on if you want if you want how do you do people on here are there people you don't have to I don't are there people on here no what do you mean people like I didn't know if you took you mean I'm on there yeah I can hear you any oh you can okay okay anyway um okay uh what am I wearing I'm wearing a scent by Bond number nine is I love Bon you love Bond number nine which one is it which one do you have I I don't know what color is the bottle yeah what color white with rhinestones on it oh that's one of their newer ones my favorite that's how I like my ladies which one white with rhin I have the my favorite that I've worn for like 15 years is a sense of PE but it's a bond number it's a purple one I have that yeah yeah yeah that's a really good one oh yeah is that Prince's uh symbol on your hand yeah and Michael's on this hand whoa and Michael here yeah and I have a prince necklace as well but I didn't we did you ever meet Michael only back when he was in the Jackson 5 you knew him then you met him then damn how because my girlfriend and her mom and me had stocked The Jackson 5 to the to they were playing at a place called a circle Star Theater back in the Bay area and we found out what hotel they were at and we went to the hotel and we were stalking them and Janet and Michael were by the pool no and so my girlfriend pushed me out and so I seen him he seen me so I just went up to him and started talking to him that's ins young M how old was he probably 14 wowow he anyway um he hadn't got to that yet very good impression he wasn't doing dead on right dead on thank you so much do you pit them against each other cuz I know people are like Michael or Prince do you put one over the other at all that's why I've got both that's why i' got Prince symbol and the bad symbol cuz I'm a hardcore Prince and who do you like more though well I can't say because I liked Michael first that's like saying your kids is your favorite yeah yeah that's true even though we all have a favorite but um yeah I liked Michael first I got caught up in the prince thing for real then when Prince died and then it was it was all about Prince and then but I said but let's not forget about Michael so that's why I got that but I do have a really incredible Prince story though tell me a prince story hear it okay so there's a broadcaster named Tavis Smiley okay Tavis Smiley he's black that's why your face would black that's why your face would blank cuz you don't know who he I've never seen black people no you never well you're looking at one of the blackest right now okay don't get what's up nothing nothing nothing woo do you want to hear the story yeah know I'm just I look like so shut the [ __ ] up so Tavis Smiley is famous clearly not to you Tavis let me Tavis Smiley Tavis Smiley it's in my brain okay you could Google him there's five people in here somebody should do that anyway he uh uh uh has been on radio for many many many many years so I have done interviews with him before and the last interview may ask this real quick yeah why you he no eyebrows oh I don't know why doesn't um there's somebody else I saw didn't why doesn't who you have any eyebrows good point move on okay case closed case closed right superficial [ __ ] okay so Tavis the time before this last time that I interviewed with him I know that Tavis has interviewed Prince several times they became good friends Prince gave Tavis Smiley the purple guitar that he played at Super Bowl when he played Purple Rain and it was raining it rain time he gave it to him it's worth millions and millions and millions of dollars it's actually priceless oh my God so I told T I said you're lying you don't have a [ __ ] guitar he says I do and the next time you come I'll bring it so you can see it so I just interviewed with him this is all on my Instagram at lunell at l n e l l if you go if if you look the last time I interviewed with Tavis he did bring the guitar I got to hold it and everything like that and no gloves or nothing like that question question and I forgot to ask for the shoulder strap cuz if you look at the Super Bowl video the shoulder strap was everything it had his emblems and everything I forgot and then I asked how was Lady where's the shoulder strap you said oh it's in the bottom of the case I forgot to bring it out so I want to do over so anyway your question was it's too late now I forgot no I I what I want to ask you that particular Super Bowl though like no one can do a solo artist Super Bowl if you're not Prince like he was the only person who could like command as like you know how like a lot Super Bowl performers like they bring into other people well Michael did do Michael jumped up Michael Michael had three imitation Michaels before he jumped on the stage and stood there for like five minutes out of a 13 minute Super Bowl plus Diana Ross had done the rain thing in Central Park it was raining when she performed too well you weren't even born I wasn't I I don't remember that you when you say Diana RZ did the rain thing it just happened to be raining that day she didn't storm and Prince you mean from the X-Men and Prince didn't make it rain either she didn't go it just happened to be raining that day right and the eyes roll back you know it just happened to be raining when Prince said he didn't make it rain but you just made it seem like you know mean she did it for the show no she why why are we fighting why are you hollering at me I'm not hollering at you I'm just how I talk were you not born either when di Ross did her concert in Central Park what year was that Google it 1983 how you were Bor I was Bor I was 11 12 okay and so she sang at Central Park and then it started storming raining and she did not leave the stage she finished the concert in the rain well would you you we both would finish it no M yeah yeah we're professionals yeah how long have we known each other probably 15 years yeah we've always been nice to each other till today you do a proper intro for lyel yeah Lyell um so see what I didn't even get introduced it was like like I walked in here slowly talked to her for two minutes about my shw before I sat down yeah and there was no window to [ __ ] do it you would have started over yes no we're not starting over who said they said they said he's the one who said you didn't do the proper intro so maybe we are going to [ __ ] start over is this your show it this my show oh nobody told me that oh you oh so they just said tiger belly but they didn't say you had anything to do with it are you being real yeah talk to about do you know why you're here you don't even know why I'm here no when you saw me you're like what the [ __ ] I thought it was a a guest really you thought it was her show well she's the white one she's Asian why wouldn't I think she was in charge yeah yeah that's true that's true I guess a woman can be the [ __ ] charge she's sitting at the head of the I never said that lyel I mean God you're being so aggressive like you came in here you know mean I just feel like there's conflict it's like 92 riots all over again in La you mean and I'm a rooftop Korean you know that right I was living in Oakland during the riots I wasn't living here uh no I didn't accusing of looting no no I would have looted oh you would have and I I have receiv received Solen merchandise oh let I'm going to introduce you now okay okay let's see if you get this right she a lot of people work with me but they really don't know nothing about me so I'm going see what well I don't know much about you it's not a shame 15 years you don't know [ __ ] you don't know anything about me I don't care though I'm not I'm I'm not I'm not interviewing you I know you're right you're right I'm not I'm not in absolutely well I know something you were in a stars born ding one point Borat bing bing bing bing right that was a huge one you know I've worked with him before too Sasha yeah yeah I was in the movie The Dictator oh and um and what was it like working with him well I should ask you I asked you first but I can it back at you any lenel yeah you're not leaving you're not leaving you're stay what do yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's my face so um I I found working with him was uh I was intimidated and a little nervous but I thought it was F great I had no problems working with Sasha because yeah the crazy [ __ ] that he asked you to do yeah is no more than the crazy [ __ ] that he would do himself exactly it's not like he said hey go jump in that V Jello and I'm going to sit here and watch no yeah yeah he's like you go jump into V and Jello and I'm going to jump in the whipped cream you know what I'm saying he commits to the comedy oh my God yeah yeah he wore the Borat trivia he wore the same suit for the entire filming of the show so that it would stink and it did wow wow wow yeah there was no second souit yeah yeah if it got dirty or whatever that's just what it was the gray one just that same gray one and did he how how bad did he smell you know European yeah sorry yeah yeah you know I I I know this pretty girl she smells I don't know what that about but anyway um I don't know why you said that anyway what do you mean like from where from what part of her body is it coming from her arm I think because everything smells like miloy and you [ __ ] with her hi hi y doing good you want to sit down sure yeah yeah it's okay yeah come on sit down hey how you all doing yeah at the table is she on camera she's on camera oh please sit oh sit over there I'm so sorry I didn't know I'm oh you oh [ __ ] I didn't know yeah I thought that she was your family member something you're having her on I don't run around with family members except my daughter was out there where's your daughter at she's out there oh is with the dog oh good good you have a dog mhm you want to see it yeah I like the dog bring the dog in Delle bring doce in D bring the doce [Laughter] in smelling from she's just you know I think she's poor oh right she doesn't wash her clothes that often she's very pretty but she just always smells mil I that has nothing to do with poor and not washing your clothes often please don't do this I'm sorry yeah that's rude okay sorry um I know and I should take back that European smell is well you want to cut you want us to cut it off we'll cut it we'll cut it okay whatever you want cut out we'll cut out okay okay let's cut you out and let's talk what is wrong with you today I've always been so nice to you we've always said hi to each other wait what's the root of this relationship 15 years ago where was this I I think the it's got to be some game show or some [ __ ] but I've also seen you at Comic clubs and stuff yeah lots of times lots of times I used to see you at the at the Laugh Factory a lot like I be walking in you be walking out yeah yeah yeah we've never like really um talked right it's always like hey right yeah yeah but there was a there's always been yeah love but I think we did do something together though I think some kind of game show or something yeah something probably yeah yeah yeah yeah are you are you married LEL not anymore yeah what happened um I got a divorc there we go you know was he white no he's black black have you do you date white guys I have yeah yeah great it's not not really the guys it's really more their family that's not so great all the time have you Asian no I've never dated Asian guy they've never asked me oh that's a shame Bob coming or not Bobby's uh single now oh well you know I don't [ __ ] with comedians thank you so much number one last time I [ __ ] a comedian the kids about to walk through the door oh really yeah and that's what happened yeah yeah yeah well it was yeah but it worked I mean you got some great something great out of it yeah she's about to walk in what is the door locked is it l yeah I just go grab what's wrong dude what are you doing go grab her she's scared who let us in when we came it wasn't like when she outside no she right there oh maybe she didn't hear you but but she text her oh she did how old is your daughter now you can ask her yourself oh okay you know women in their age oh right right she doesn't like to reveal it no she's 28 you can still you can still reveal it at that age oh she come in okay oh hi DOL hi Dolce hi Dolce they wanted to see Dolce oh so cute Dolce is she cute yeah yeah are we on camera yeah is this going to be on YouTube yeah you don't want it do hi Dolce hi everybody she's cut she's a multi poop but she cut like a Jack Russell oh really hi hi oh don't get her all excited she G up okay you tongue do you tongue kiss DOL never that's a white thing okay okay yeah I kiss him no no she she's not even really much of a liquor oh really you see she's not like licking me on my face now hey do mhm wow you sleep on the same bed with her absolutely yeah yeah yeah that's a what that's a that's a must like like what's the point of having a a dog if you can't cuddle oh yeah yeah yeah and do she have she ever wake you up at night and goes I got a poo not me me oh you yeah oh you guys live together no okay okay absolutely not okay but we live close proximity yeah yeah and we spend a lot of time together so the three of us may be in the bed I have three cats you have cats or no oh no definitly allergic to cats don't even like cat people sorry I didn't know that no wonder we never [ __ ] around what do you mean Marlon Brando had cats what look it up go Google Marlon Brando with cats but there's Marlon Brando yeah I'm the Korean Mar Marlon Brando are you yeah they say either Brad Pit or Marlin Brando usually oh really yeah yeah I'm hot that I'm hot you don't think I'm hot do I think you're hot yeah look no okay am I cute but you're nice look you got the seros [ __ ] shirt on yeah oh now now you might be hot that's right I'm hotti everybody don't know about that shirt yeah yeah I mean you you and I could do Rush Hour 4 together long imagine a rush hour of being long as I'm Nick Noti give you we'll give you nickn I can't believe you got a cereo shirt on they don't know people know it's it was before the comedy story it was Ser but it was a real gangster spot yeah dude you know you know someone was murdered there yeah I know yeah yeah and I tell these people do you believe The Comedy Store truly is haunted oh absolutely oh for sure 100% no doubt no doubt in absolutely absolutely I never want to spend the night there absolutely yeah yeah I mean you honestly I've spent the night there before yeah a lot of comics have I have not like kennes Sam Kennison Carlo rest in peace told me that when they go ahead I was doing it yeah no but didn't somebody why you put your fig on me jump off the the hotel next door to Comic Steve I forgot his name Steve something or another so there's two stories all right so there was a guy named Gus who worked at SOS he was a gangster and apparently he was murdered there and then his I've seen his ghost me and Johnny Sanchez you know Johnny Sanchez Mexicans we love Mexicans yeah we love Mex okay nothing okay uh I don't you I don't want to catch you with my jewels it wasn't going to be hard okay let's do it that was really soft because you just said okay I'll do it again okay there we feel better it might hurt too let's not do that again it's perfect right where you looking it's not over yet no I thought my we just started we're still in here but yeah they left yeah yeah yeah all right it's not over so no I don't want it to be over okay so the gangster um Gus died and his ghosts H so Sam Kennison and carbo when they move moved to um LA from Houston they had no money so they used to sleep on the main room stage they would sneak in there right and carbo told me one night he saw Sam levitating by his ankle like upside down right yeah and then another guy Pete gray who was a he was a door man there and a phone guy his spine got broken because he was walking down the Beller room hallway and his head hit the ceiling but he's a short guy and the ceiling's high and it broke his spine and we never saw him again after that right and so then another comic I think his name is Steve I don't know for sure you can Google it I don't know but he um so there was a strike and he he C he crossed the line mity stopped giving him spots and then he jumped from the Hiatt and he tried to land his body on on the comedy St but he landed in the that driveway that driveway yeah the driveway yeah did you know that somebody jumped off the bridge at the Grove in front of everybody no recently they kept it really really quiet it's not maybe through okay the maybe four or five years four years ago I'd say you know if you go to the Grove and you're in the middle and you're walking toward the parking lot yeah I know you know there's the first level of the parking structure jumped off there went Splat right in front of everybody at the restaurant and everything they kept that [ __ ] quiet but it happened I know you would think that if you were going to do that I would Facebook live it well the like Instagram I would be like all right I'm going to jump off the bridge e no you want people to see your death no I do yeah me I want oh you want to see mine no no I want to like die on stage oh I've had a fantasy like that too yeah just how what way just drop yeah just drop okay or else in the bed but I don't want to go violently like I don't want to be stabbed shot drowned airplane crack right nothing like that that's a huge fear 9911 [ __ ] me up that way yeah [ __ ] me up and now when I go up in high high high high buildings like I was just in New York is really high building and all I do is look out and go if I had to jump or catch on fire which would I do so would you rather be on the plane or the building in in 911 oh God I don't I don't want to talk about it no more oh you brought it up I know but I can shut it down but but I I'll to tell my opinion well if I was in the building you have the option to jump or catch on fire option and die yeah because you know the if you're not in the room where the plane crashed into you're in a room adjacent but now you're trapped by fire yeah and you that's why people jumped yeah so you're either going to jump or you're going to catch on fire I'm probably going to catch on fire you'd rather catch up fire I would rather do either we also we also we don't know what it's that's like I don't so hot you're like3 story building is like either but it ain't going to end well yeah yeah yeah yeah let's let's not talk about it it's crazy well yeah I I know um I'd rather be on the plane but anyway yeah so so I just want to go on instant death you know what I want to go on stage or I want to just die but have either of you guys had any weird haunted experiences at The Comedy Store I just I did I saw Gus one night you did see Gus yeah me and Johnny Sanchez saw Gus one night and then we've never seen that comic you know I mean I we that ghost doesn't haunt there I thought I saw George Carin but I wasn't that was actually George Carin he was alive oh he looked yeah he looked that no no yeah I have a George Carl you ever met him no I didn't meet him yeah so I used to work the back door you you know everybody though in your little short time on Earth you've worked with everybody I've worked a with a lot yeah props for that thank you I never quit just like an Asian wow what they don't quit I know you're right that's no that's good slogan good just like an Asian just like an Asian you I mean car accident just like an asan you know what I mean yeah I'm hungry 30 minutes after a meal just like an Asian like an asan so anyway um just like it do you have Asian friends yeah who name one Ali Alli what [ __ ] uh uh uh yeah that's got that guy no no no no no no no yeah yeah from San Francisco I did a [ __ ] Show Margaret Cho love her uh Sher Yamauchi and um yeah I got a couple agent lunell didn't you just go to the Madonna concert I did yeah because I we had uh Kathy Griffin on my other show the day that you guys were all going to go in a group with CA the game and Paris Hilton and Kathy Griffin and me who did they have hold up the the plaque or the card that night nobody held up a card they might have said they were going to but nobody did damn have you ever been to See's house yeah it's so nice mhm she's you know sometimes we go to that her daytime things yeah she's such what a kind lady she is really like a little angel yeah and I love her so much she's so nice I love her and supportive and I I just love everything about her yeah she's she's yummy she's great yeah she's great and by the way sidebar Madonna's concert was everything it was really gay it it was really gay know I don't mean like there were boys dancing around I'm talking about you know ball gags and [ __ ] like that so it was really gay like that in the wardrobe but other than that uh and including that it was a really good concert that's what I heard she sounded good and she looked good her makeup artist you know must have painted the 16 Chapel cuz that [ __ ] looked good wow and she sounded good right and she sounded good did she sing borderline I think she did I love my favorite song on whole mine is vogue vogue is mine V is great and then she's Sayang um express yourself and of course uh what's the one she did with all there like a Virg a pray Like a Prayer Like a Prayer was iconic that music video was really good they gave her such he for being in front of that black Jesus which we know he can I can I ask you guys a question so you know they say Taylor Swift's everything which is fine I get it right but to me someone like Madonna like those songs that she wrote are so catchy and iconic does Taylor Swift have songs like that I don't know that like does Taylor Swift have a borderline I think so like give me one song I mean there's there's actually maybe over 30 she's very much like Madonna in that way she's a hit maker okay yeah and um yeah just different generations of it different generations and that's the key but Taylor S was also very wholesome and Madonna I think really pushed the boundary like a little [ __ ] but um yeah okay so Taylor Swift my black manager took his mixed kids two girls to go see Taylor Swift they had the time of their life he said he never seen a stage as big as hers a performance stage I think Taylor is great I think she's a good example for girls she sings about you know relationships and girls I don't know any straight guys that are [ __ ] with Taylor Smith Swift but the girls you know really like her and I like that she's not a little [ __ ] I hope that Travis and her can make it but Travis was [ __ ] with them sisters before he got with so I don't know you know what sisters me family black women oh okay sorry I didn't say sisters I said sisters oh a sister ah yeah yeah yeah sister I love when you guys not you guys forget it we don't I don't I don't even why we [ __ ] up we done [ __ ] up all the racial barriers within a few minutes don't worry about it yeah wait didn't didn't Madonna not have like AC in the show was that a real thing uh yeah that was a real thing but it wasn't as bad as okay we go again with the race it wasn't as bad as the white people were saying it was you know black people can take way much more heat than white people can we're from a different part by the equator you understand so we can take heat and then white people can't and there that and and and that's why when we get in a car like like I hate to get in you call it Uber black it's [ __ ] 40° outside you get in the car and they've got the air conditioning on I'm like what the [ __ ] it's wrong with you it's for it's not hot why is the air on and they're like well you know people like air I told we got four windows in this [ __ ] I can roll the window down I don't need air conditioning and 40 degree weather yeah and when I did this show last night I did John meany's uh everybody's in La show last night yeah yeah yeah how many seats 10,000 oh no no no but it was a live studio audience but it was so cold in there I said I feel like I'm being punked I can't understand why it's so cold yeah yeah but then they had a robot bring me a blanket it's on Netflix you can see it okay last night there there that was it last night thank you what a sweet guy yeah but David Letterman was even sweeter really Letterman was there last night too yeah who was there last night um well Cedric did a skit and he left and uh it was um Pete Davidson and it was um Bill ha one of the most talented guys myself and Letterman and a lady that talked about earthquakes whoa a size what is it size ologist yes and I let her know I too am a seismologist yeah see she went up on stage start talking about earthquakes she did first and then Letterman came out and then me and bill came out together and then Pete dson came out did you get nervous around Letterman or not no what I wanted to do was F I wanted to sit next to him because I wanted to um get in his ear about my goal which is to be the next black female late night television late night TV is just white man after White white man after white man it doesn't have any color and it doesn't have any women so I need to be the one to break that and actually why is that why is that because of the misogynistic [ __ ] that men do the circle jerk on the golf course the [ __ ] cigar smoke all that [ __ ] that's why they make the deal have you ever been in a circle jerk not yet I've never been invited to one if you haven't circle jerk by now I hope you never do why I won't do it because it's over what like that was some' 70s poppers aim yeah but what is it people gather around [ __ ] jack off in front and we just jer no PO I thought it was jerking the person next to you off e that's even I think that's what a circle jerk is like Oh I thought you jack off yourself in a circle for just do it alone then hey guys I going to go to the hotel room I didn't invent this [ __ ] I don't know what they do but it's weird in any event I wanted to see was Letterman cool and I wanted to tell him about me being at NCL woman late night cuz I already work for Jimmy Kimmel you know I work at his club in Vegas um I have a residency there I've been there for four years so I've talked to Areno I've talked to George Lopez I've talked to Jimmy and I wanted to talk to David and get their advice about you know do they think I should shoot a pilot and how should I you know my ideas and stuff and David was very nice we took selfies he sent them to kiml last night and we're talking about it and um talking about things and I have his phone number now wow you know that's guys you have something I don't you have Pro you're proactive like if I saw David Letterman I had ideas I just wouldn't say it and as much she has she that's great but M melany John yeah thank God he had me on his show I would never when was I going to meet David lman but and as much as I owe to John malany you know I wanted to run past him cuz I wanted to get over the letter yeah yeah and that's all I was focused on that's all I cared about and that's what I did last night yeah were you there it's on Netflix right now go to Netflix and watch go watch it there's uh what everybody's in LA and go to the earthquake episode and that was a magical night last night it was yeah I've had a terrible Netflix week why I didn't do anything oh no one's been invited you're probably on your way out honey I knew it just like an Asian just like an Asian on your way out but then we sneak up T come back in like pble anyway are you too busy doing movies and [ __ ] aren't you doing I have a couple but it's like ah uhuh what are you working this at movies uh no I really don't uh care about movies I care about television why because of the live audience oh I see mhm you know that nothing else will beats doing live stand up you know because the thing about if you do a sitcom right let's just say which I've never done I've never been that's insane I've never been on any cast of Any show the one show that I did Eight Episodes on was George Lopez Show right my you know nobody's never had me on this show for fear probably that I will steal the scene which I will but unintentionally unintentionally you know so the thing about doing a sitcom though is going to get a table read you're going to get rehearsal you're going to get blocking you're going to get dress rehearsals like doing a little mini play and then you're going to film on Friday or whatever like that right when you show up for a movie you show up you start shooting yeah you don't get no [ __ ] hardly any rehearsal and I'm not good like that I'm not I'm not I'm not an actress I'm a comic though I'm a comic who acts but I'm not an actress like I can't do the double we product I just want to say this okay favorite movie whoever [ __ ] works at Movies the PA or direct whatever right do they have a watch they know what time is they go 6:00 in the morning you show up 3:00 in the afternoon you might might right call me at at two well just bring your iPad and lay on the couch and go to sleep but I hate to get made up and then go to sleep and then get made up again right right that's annoying and also it's then it's like you know they have to cover your do they cover your test yeah they've cover my tattoos but it's like and then it's like sometimes i' I've been on sets where they go we're not going to use it today I've been there for 15 hours [ __ ] what the [ __ ] you didn't know that sign the time sheet count your blessings [ __ ] it we should be grateful yeah get to check thanks for the opportunity get get the check I got the check yeah I mean the SAG minimum whatever I mean it's annoying but it's annoying in a trailer with air conditioning or heat bathroom microwave TV what are we wanting about yeah I find I find that movies now because they're so low budget you don't even get a trailer oh I'm I'm going to get a trailer I had one last night oh wow you asked for it no they just give it to you that's right well you're a queen though well you're you know I mean is she not a queen mhm just like an Asian well was why was that just like an Asian complimenting it wasn't I just threw it in there a l l how did you get your starts when did you start comedy how long is this show an hour it's a really long story wa wait we please no cuz I'm just going to name more black people that you don't [ __ ] I know all the black people what you talking about you should test him huh yeah test me about black people okay so the first James Baldwin the first done game over the first night that I did comedy and did not want to do it shut up and I did not want to do I I wasn't my goal at that time was not to do standup comedy when I was back when I started what year 30 something years ago I don't know I don't even know what year this is I'm [ __ ] h so um but I did go to this Comedy Club cuz my roommate was screwing this comic and he said you know he would be at the house I'll be talking [ __ ] he said you're very very funny I run this club if you ever want to come down you know Bo so I don't tell jokes I tell like stories and I had sat around I was like well I did know a couple things that had happened to me that I thought were amusing so I said okay let's go I I don't know let's go down and see what you [ __ ] talk about were you nervous no because I had theater training so I don't I don't get that nervous all the time so um I don't have stage fight you know for the most part but if it's big [ __ ] or TV or some things like that then sometimes I do so anyway I went up on stage I killed it the very first time I went on stage I stepped down this guy came up to me he thought it was amazing he gave me his card and that was Robin Harris do you know who that I know Robin Harris yeah well so met Robin haris on the first day that I did comedy I love him and that and then I went to his Club the Regency W comedy act theater and this [ __ ] just started snowballing and I just you know I tried working but I'm apparently I'm unemployable what do you mean cuz I have a bad attitude and a bad mouth and I steal you steal jokes no money you've done that before at clubs no no I don't think so at a oh all right you know NS Mitchell yes of course so I know black people give me throw me some that you I wouldn't know wait how did people why do people think you steal money cuz I did rob a bank and went to jail did you really yeah when that's the story want and uh well [ __ ] I don't know my daughter wasn't born when I stole the money uh probably come with a gun or in the ' 80s no I worked at the bank so it was embezzlement oh embezzlement yeah but it's still Bank Robie if you take racks out the Vault put them in your bra and walk out the door that's robbing the bank how much money was that $50,000 wowow you're going to do the same time if you take $20 if you take 50 Rags wow that's true wow how' you get caught go big or go home um I had absconded and went back to Oakland where I was living before I moved to Long Beach and I was doing comedy and I was worried every week because my name was in the paper my picture was in the paper had it been less money wow had it been less money I would have got away with it because so you were on the run for a while yeah uh I wasn't really running I ran and then I stopped but what what it was was because you you you started probably getting super nervous I was like consuming well I was no it wasn't I wasn't consuming me but I was concerned because my picture my name was in the paper every week L know it's going to be Jeff in the circle and had I taken less money I would have gotten a away with it because they didn't get me for over 10 years 10 years statute limitation it's it's it's too late but because I took so much money it it was a felony and not a misy so then when I had my baby how I got caught when I had her I applied for social services to get milk and to get things like that then the social security numbers crossed up and then they came and got me but how long after that did they finally get to you uh my daughter was about 6 months oh wow so it was a while it wasn't like they got you the next week no MM and then how long did you spend in prison uh I didn't go to prison because it was a my first offense that they found but I did do four months and 18 days in Twin Towers down town which which Towers is is not easy because that they have County Jail it's on Cesar Chavez Boulevard oh wow wow wow wow and it's worse in prison and see this was during the crack epidemic wow and so you had broads in there with Burns all over their body they shoved a hot crack pipe up they [ __ ] in their fro when the police came or something so they were all burnt up and [ __ ] up wow they had cut it was a lot I saw a lot and were you do they give you your own room or you have to sleep with a bunch of people oh yeah I had a nice plush room no [ __ ] [ __ ] Twin Towers Bobby is rough it's like there's 20 people at one time sleeping in bunk bed no well after you're in the day room but I ended up uh I had a s but she I was on the bottom bug she was on the top there's no SP and she was if somebody spits on you that's your [ __ ] SP yeah but she was on the top bunk I was on the bottom bunk she was detoxing from heroin she had a seizure and she flopped out the bed and landed next to my bed cuz it's cement in there and she broke her arm wow you've seen all kinds of [ __ ] [ __ ] man how you wouldn't tell it to look at me huh no been through the [ __ ] wow that's why I don't give a [ __ ] but that's why I love about your life you have a big life big right yeah your life is so huge you're so iconic and you've lived such a life from you know that I think that's amazing I mean when you look back at your life you must go that was insane they're doing a documentary on me now these guys from Europe all right to be followed by a subsequent book I know that I'll have to put lots of pictures CU people don't read anymore cuz they won't even read a 2 in [ __ ] Instagram post so you know they not no [ __ ] books there is a certain uh you know category of people out there who just do still read and hopefully they'll read it and not just look at the pictures me I'm just looking at the pictures do you do you when you're in Vegas doing that residency how how many nights is that Sundays and Mondays at 9:30 every week every [ __ ] week so when I leave here I fly home Sunday morning I got a show Sunday night I got a show Monday night I have Tuesday and Wednesday off I fly to Detroit Thursday Thursday I do Thursday night a oneof uh Friday night a oneoff I come back Saturday but every Friday you go to the same Detroit place no oh okay that's this week that's what this week yeah and that's just a oneoff wow usually I do four shows out of town and then two in Vegas wow I'm tired I'm tired right now yeah I mean I've been on the road a lot this year it's I mean it's hard it's hard where do you usually play what do you mean like improvs or what theaters well me and Andrew did my friend Andrew and I um did theaters I did a 30 city theater run that was fun you know what I mean because you're I'm just starting to really get into theaters myself no I've done theaters but it's like C Entertainer do huie Tommy Davidson lunell you know I've done it with you don't like that you don't like I love that no that's fine yeah yeah but I also I'm starting to do theaters myself it's only my name yeah like I just did the first theater I ever did was the Apollo Theater in Harlem that's 1500 seats and I sold that out and they said that had not been done by black Fem comic since 1968 when Mom's May did it and I I didn't believe it I'm like you mean who not been through here they were like no I said you mean Wanda hasn't done the Apollo they said no it had not been done since ' 68 so I did that so my show through Netflix uh in a theater is Here on Saturday night at the Regent wow theater what so I'm just saying that I'm stying to how many seats is it I think there's that's only like 500 eight seats left oh wow as of last night oh wow wow wow wow yeah so that's what I'm talking about I'm just starting to do theaters me opener not I'm telling you though of as long as I've known you I've always been kind of like that's the thing like she's a star yeah I've always felt that clearly yeah yeah yeah and and every time I used to see I was like oh my God she's killing it you've been killing it for so long Borat is a was an iconic movie I'm sorry but nominated for an award but comedies don't win Academy Awards which is why we need to change the old sty [ __ ] that are in the academy because they're passing up a lot of great movies and horror either yeah and horror either like Tony Colette should have won the Oscar when she did hereditary hands down she [ __ ] killed it and nothing she got [ __ ] nothing man see that's that [ __ ] that's why you have to depend on the NAACP Awards and the Soul Trin Awards cuz [ __ ] Academy Awards ain't giv and I want you to take this the wrong way but uh you're also crossover which mean I mean I mean there's like Chappelle is Chris Rock um Kevin har obviously but um you know it's it's hard to do harder to do but you're you appeal to everybody no it's harder to do if you're from the south to cross over because comedy is very shitty when it comes to Accents unless it's British you know and uh it's also harder to do if you've lived in if you've lived in and no shade to La I love LA but if you've lived in Watts all your life and you never been to noo then you don't behave you don't you're uncomfortable there you are but I was raised in Oakland which is predominantly black but I was educated in the suburbs in Hayward and Castro Valley California so my education I went to school with white people Latin people and a you know Asians and stuff like that thank you stuff like that so I've had I've what's your favorite kind of Asian um the Swaggy ones like the On's the ones that were in Crazy Rich Asians I've watched that 15 I get obsessed with certain movies yeah yeah so I was I remain obsessed with crazy Rich Asians it's my Airline goto wow wow if I get on a plane I'm watching crazy Rich Asians because that Michelle yo that [ __ ] yeah she played the iciest [ __ ] since the Mother-in-law she's a icy [ __ ] and I can't get over it so I watched crazy rich Asian I also got obsessed with in the Heights um you know with everybody U from Washington Heights in in in New York yeah and so I get obsessed with these ethnic shits and then I I just stay there wow you know do you do love Asians I don't mind Asians I haven't but I like I like the guys like that were in there in that movie am I too dirty I'm not they're they're like yeah but I'm lower class we're yeah we're peasants yeah we're peasants so with with the rice we carry the rice I'm Filipino oh that's s i was black thank you thank you I think that's actually true yeah it is true and there black Filipinos in the mountains Paul Mooney told me about them yeah they're called like it should not be Koreans are almost black too look at BTS they have a migration is different they have a raer on BTS I'm sorry what what's his name I don't know oh yeah yeah in the Philippines um in the mountainous areas before like the Spanish colony yeah they're called negritos Paul Mooney told me about I didn't [ __ ] believe him then I looked it up and it was true and I believed everything he said I look there they are yeah what's a ni I don't even want to say Filipino finish it I can't say it I can't even say it that's insano it's not a derogatory term I'll do it with an a n no it's a drink yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there they are so so that's and my my nephew's made to lovely philippin name Aurora shout out to Aurora what's up the there two islands in the Philippines um that's called we it's pronounced Negros ocidental and Negros Oriental but it's um they if you pronounce it wrong are they black no but yes in the Philippines our migration patterns did split we do have first of all everybody's black and then they're derivative of that oh you're the first man the the oldest bone was found in Africa yeah yeah yeah just how you got to think about like Pangia and how everything sort of like split from here and then up this high five girl I'll give you one I don't see I don't see color oh God that is such [ __ ] I hate hate that saying say it one more time yeah I don't see color you know what I mean well you can't see no God if we going to go there yeah yeah yeah people to say that I can't see color [ __ ] okay you may not see color but your boss sees color you bring your black ass husband to the Christmas party your in-law's sea color your neighbor sea color and the people all around so that's such a [ __ ] line yeah I matched with a girl the my first black girl on Rya and then she matched with me and I messaged her one time just ghosted me but that's everyone on Ria that's not a her thing everyone on r i want to date a black person i' never have you never dated black girl no and I really you said person so boy or girl you said I've never dated black person you didn't say black girl so do you date boys and girls no well you didn't say I have before I as a young kid I did you [ __ ] around [ __ ] around you sucked a dick like four or five he doesn't see gender I don't see gender I'm open I'm very open no comment what do you mean I have nothing else to say you never had puss I have nothing else to say all right my bad maybe I cross the line you know I mean but do but but let me ask you something do you why I mean do you think go no go ahead um why don't black girls like me black girls why I think that we just don't have enough experience with Asian men Asian men do not holler at us they do not ask us out M most of the time when you encounter Asian on the street they look right past us like they don't even like we don't exist Asians are not welcoming to the African-American Community really really historically yes that's true really really historically you have to be black and be around Asians to see how they ignore us yeah it's weird they don't say hi they don't say how you doing today for the most part of course there inceptions to every room it's a really cool Asians out there but Asian guys don't you know and then there's a cultural difference and you know getting in interracial relationship is not just about race it's cultural is culinary and it's religious there's all that you got to get past yeah I you know I'll be honest with you I prefer every race butt agent sometimes because because my parents were so strict and so abusive and so violent right and I saw the hierarchy as a kid like my my dad would be like you know your cousin Sue she got to Har you ret you know what I mean yeah yeah put pressure put yeah and it's like everything was a trophy and so as a kid I was just like I hate all of you no I get that and I love everyone else I because I saw how shitty my uncles my Filipino uncles were and they were just Phil ERS shitty guys like I for a while I didn't dat Filipino guys I was just very like that's all that's the only picture I had in my mind or how Philipino men would be so I was like okay they're out I guess and when you have an uh an abusive um household you start having empathy for like you know um you you the the underdog right yeah like this that's why I always love the civil rights movement and I you I mean you know like you know what drives me [ __ ] crazy if you see civil rights photos like you know you see black people at a diner and then white people like yelling at them or like you know what I mean yeah but why do you love white girls so much what are you talking about man like that's like your top tier right you always go for like the skinny white girl yeah yeah yeah like every brother in the NBA yeah and also can I say this sometimes when you're a fancy restaurant you get the caviar I don't know that I was going to support you I I people on YouTube that up I don't even know I don't even what that means you mean what I white girls because I why' you no because they're the [ __ ] gold standard the the the blond haired blueeyed California girl caviar that's the [ __ ] caviar that's the [ __ ] goal no get rich get your ass a white [ __ ] and you you you've hit it yeah but I want listen I grew up when I grew up in Oak why' you ask that now I look like a fool no when I grew up in Oakland I grew up you know Black Panther Movement and all that and I grew up when black women were most the most sought after exotic women in the world but we are now treated like the gum on the bottom of a [ __ ] shoe everybody wants everybody but a black girl even a black man and I said what the [ __ ] I said okay I don't feel that way but you're not a black man you want to date a black girl for what reason I find them ATT no I find them attractive like me yeah I find you attractive am attracted yeah so that's why but but can I say this I have the same thing with Asian women or growing up because they were always fetishized right and they were always like you know what I mean white people coveted it men right and Asian men were not sexualized right we got nothing that exchange rate was not fair yeah well take three you get nothing that's why some Asian guys like that are in Crazy rich Asian like the lead guy and his boys yeah then you're like oh [ __ ] it it's so hot you know what I'm saying cuz it's so rare and they don't put you in those in those uh categories you know we had what Bruce Lee because he was hot Bruce Lee was hot he was hot like people love Bruce Lee yeah they love Bruce Lee M yeah um and so I whenever I see like you know I'm not like I mean you're going to love who you love but I just even when I see like oh I see an Asian girl with like a white guy what's so funny George yeah this guy yeah this guy has it Asian yeah who's got the Asian girlfriend wife kids oh you got asian wife yeah I just I just kind of go you know what I mean they say they're beast and [ __ ] are beast in the bed though they got Tricks that's what I heard I have been to you know Asian women have tricks that's what I heard I've never one you remember to sit and spin when you were a kid yeah you could sit in Sp I heard they could do that without the basket you need a basket right they don't do it they don't have basket you know what the basket thing is right you think is the basket yeah yeah they used to put women in a basket back in Asia maybe I see here we go yeah you're right no you pay for it right and they they spit so it's like a rubber Bandy kind of thing and they spin it right and there's an opening in the bottom of the basket where the [ __ ] is yeah where the [ __ ] is and you can put your dick in there so you lay there right there right and they they and they come down and you put your hand onine like this right and then they unspin it wait this is the or the origins of the term spinner then I don't know I've never done it heard of a spinner that probably would be what what oh now icri it right you saw a photo Gilbert I'm going to blur this out yeah this is what yeah so there's a woman sitting in a basket yeah yeah on top of a guy don't zoom in too much we get it is she spinning yeah yeah and she's spinning on yeah he's in there how does that even feel good raw right yeah it's going to sounds like it be Raw friction maybe a lot of lube because I no you get it wet first I know but how do you do that if your hands are behind your head you just get the basket find the hole you go you I don't know I believe yeah I don't know I don't know how it work well I hate spit oh you don't uh I don't want no to see nobody spit on the ground I don't want to see nobody spit out of window I don't want you can't spit and kiss me you can't spit on me I don't are you a tongue kisser yeah okay but it ain't a lugie godam right oh lugies are crossing the line but you just did that right but it was a fake one I've never I've never I've never spit on a girl e it's so gross and disrespectful you know what I'm saying like guys will go like like they might I don't know a girl will spit on a dick but a guy can spit on up I well I think it's cuz I don't know I'm weird about just breath in general and like the the smell of food in people's mouth so even not even just lugies but spit in general I don't want it I'm with you on you're my girl we have we I like you I don't I but there is a terrible bad breath epidemic going around with men right now I agree people just forgot mother need to get their teeth in the back of your mouth fixed because it is [ __ ] permeating out of your mouth and you need to brush your teeth chew gum or eat a mint if you're going to be a cig I have two gigantic Altoid boxes in my car I'm very mindful Altoids are like doing rank they make the top of your head Sizzle what I what are you talking about I hate Altoid you eat it sizzles your brain yeah just like crank you know 70s I did it yeah yeah but it makes it top you I can't do the Altoid wow okay but you know have some nice gum we'll have some nice gum then but sometimes I don't even like it when someone choose gum gum but not an out they could you could you know breath tastes like bubblegum I know but see I can still smell the breath but now it's floral [ __ ] like you got to just brush and then if you're out though they want to kiss you the middle night they ain't got no tooth bre Alo some people have [ __ ] up stomachs you can do my God I know they got the tonsil stones tonsil that so that's a that's a that's a red flag if somebody has a bad breath that's a red flag I was going to give this boy in New York the entire bit business what's that but I was going to get into the [ __ ] okay okay okay but the business but his breath sank and I couldn't do it that's me it's a it's and he had to have a separate room I can't get over it I it's wow that really happened you had to tell him no I I didn't I didn't tell him I told everybody but did but did you pay for the room I did so he was like Hey baby why come we not sleep in the same baby together you ever said that I don't need listen I'm very I've gotten old and I'm shitty in my bedroom in a hotel I need all the space I need you can put your stuff in my closet but it can't interfere with my [ __ ] plus I need the desk to set up my makeup right I need the bathroom I take baths I do things and I don't need you know we could if we could have my ideal thing would be two rooms that are join oh that's cool that's great wait that's your dream too my Dre go over there and take your [ __ ] not in my bathroom but now you [ __ ] it and now I don't want to [ __ ] you at all oh you smell the [ __ ] you don't want to do it nope okay sorry so go over there and do that and I'm also going to be considerate of you I I don't I I don't want you you know I don't want you especially after one of those good Mexican food nights you don't oh no yeah yeah so I just don't need that you know the I need you in the room for romance and then that's it what's romance well like let's play some nice music let's smoke a joint let's have something nice to eat not no dumbass chocolate covered strawberries cuz now your teeth are brown and strawberries I've been seeing some [ __ ] about strawberries on Instagram it's got to be very nervous worms what whipped cream whipped cream what what's good bedroom food grapes okay grapes mangoes come you know papaya papaya uh cherries plums PE fruit so fruit but no cheese no cheese plates it's not going to make your breath I know no that's how I feel about wine I don't like wine breath I don't like wine breath ever makes you smell like a total alcoholic you know what I mean you can drink that wine and then sometime you smell like an alcohol it doesn't go away yeah no this it takes a lot more to get the [ __ ] from lunell what I'm saying is what would be if I was a man in a your room you are a man okay I am a man right right and I I come over I hey baby I got I got mangoes and some blueberries okay yeah I sit it down right yes you want to put some music on yes I put some Al Green yeah is that cool sure Marvin Gay any okay okay I'll put somewh right right and then I then I do like a little dance let's get it on yeah I'll probably start laughing always the way thr open your mouth throw grape in your mouth yeah we do all that yeah and I just pull my dick out or no too soon too soon too soon all right I pull it back up too soon I pull it back up I pull it back let's get a massage going on hey baby you want me to M you want me to massage your feet baby yeah baby yeah yeah yeah let me go get the um Vaseline no no okay I [ __ ] up there yeah let me get the oil get an oil or you can even use the hotel lotion sometimes a hotel lotion is very nice can I spit on your foot oh my God I I'll get the lotion I'll get the lotion I'll get the lotion right I get the lotion I stick it on your right and I do like the deep massages on your foot right not too hard not to oh too hard romantic we're not doing deep tissue no not deep tissue like a Swedish massage on your foot Swedish right every once I'll go kiss it that's fine is that fine right I kiss right right right and then um I wipe the lotion right uhhuh I take my shirt off you say turn no you say turn over you start you know what don't get love the back of our legs and our ass like we lotion up all this stuff but even suntown lotion the back of our legs and our ass I know my shoulders be hurting so I can't be reaching around my big your ass all the time so that gets neglected so that really needs love the back of our legs and our ass you want your ass massage baby yeah massage sorry you sorry sorry you have I'm nervous that's why I'm nervous yeah let me get that over but you have to stick to the task cuz a lot of times guys will start massaging your ass with the lotion next thing you know you got a dick inside you no no I don't do that or a thumb in your ass now wait a minute a thumb I'm telling you what you guys do oh right think I'm [ __ ] with anybody's ass with I'll pull your whole rectum out all right so I'm massaging your ass now like Swedish yeah and I get the legs too yes yeah and then can I go start with some kisses hold for the fing first I I just think he can kiss my ass first if he wants yeah I I like that both cheeks yeah right both cheeks right is it rude for me to go baby what about my feet yes it's not about all right about me all right my ass okay I'll pay for you to go get a massage all right right and then I flip you back over yeah right and I start kissing your neck uh you're still down here but you got to come up yeah I how about this well if you kiss me then yeah you can kiss I do the trail you know how they do the trail up to the face you go from there to yeah I like I do a kiss Trail up to the face they say like roughly it takes anywhere from 35 to 40 minutes for full arousal for a woman for a woman woman ours is 30 40 seconds yes we got to get all that other [ __ ] out our mind oh my God I don't even I I don't even need the music what are you thinking so much I don't even need the music that loud cuz I like to hear oh you like as ASMR ASMR what if you fall asleep with the ASMR well then let me sleep cuz I need some all right all right so we have sex with our bir all right so 45 minutes later munching I'm Munch here thank you I'm munching I'm munching right I go up to the neck can I take my shirt off now 45 minutes in that's after [ __ ] massage everything depends on what your chest looks like oh it's thick you might have a chest like a seven-year-old boy then I'm like I I did all that I get nothing can can you I take my shirt you have a seven-year-old chest and I'm I can leave what the [ __ ] man no we don't care about that okay good thank you go ahead I want to see your chest okay what do you think lunell oh well you so you have no hair baby I have no touch my skin how soft it is like a baby like a baby you got the time you start your body I love that oh there we go my brother Steve oh that's a from magazine I was on Mad TV Mad Magazine look how soft it is yeah okay all right so would this would you kick this body out probably right let like Spanky haz's body really to be honest is yeah yeah um no I don't think that that would bother doesn't bother you no okay good thank you there we go and so have one last question so then do I pull out a condom or no absolutely pull out a [ __ ] condom yeah yeah yeah yeah okay and put the Vaseline on that if you want to but not for me Vaseline is not water soluble it's water it's not and we can [ __ ] up our pH feminine D jingy all that stuff oh sorry okay I get waterbased loop I get a water based water based yeah thank you girl I'll go to the store I'll be right back what the [ __ ] you we're here to the water base also like major saying your hands have to be clean for me yeah no mechanic fingernail dirt it's just like forget it then honestly [ __ ] [ __ ] easier to suck a dick right than to be [ __ ] easier to suck a DI it's just it's so much mental I mean for us yeah if you don't want to please us then don't [ __ ] with us listen if you want I've been hooking with a girl right I've I had sex with her maybe 15 times in my life life right still yet to have her orgasm she's I'm not there yet I had sex with her 15 times oh okay yeah 15 times I've had sex with her 15 years once a year I dated her for we were 10 years together you and we broke up years together we lived together for 10 years for 10 years for 10 years we broke up two years ago two years ago and we're still doing this pod together that is the most amazing [ __ ] I've heard of I love her so much in my [ __ ] life that's good I'm glad you had love and she can I just say she has a new man no or can I say I do yeah I do so I I went to Hawaii and I met him and I when I saw him cuz you know there's still you know when I saw him I hugged him you did hug him yeah and I go hey nice to meet you and he's a big big guy he's like 6'5 yeah yeah H larious yeah your little ass was like hey bro yeah that's what it was nice to me but I I find like it's growth for me because it's like I did I really I I like him I think he's a nice guy well she wouldn't pick a [ __ ] she didn't Pi she picked you there go she wouldn't Pi assho but so it's like 15 times and it's like I'll probably never make organ but why does it take so long cuz it's it takes what it takes you know what I'm saying what Doan it takes What It Takes know guys who could eat my [ __ ] and then two minutes I'm like done ready to go to sleep pum Brian Moses Brian Moses I don't know who that is he's a comic and he just I heard that he has a strong tongue game yeah he has a big game yeah but see that is um might be um deceiving because if a guy has only one way to eat [ __ ] he's not good because every woman likes it different I do frog style do hey do the Ribbit though but if you're a guy that listens takes cues takes notes and adjusts then then interrupt me doing the Ribbit I didn't like the Ribbit yeah that's that was [ __ ] rude let me do the Ribbit man I didn't like the Ribbit let me do the Ribbit man like the Ribbit the whole time you said let me do the [ __ ] ribit man ribit rib is that hot Lun now is that heart luno no you you would laugh though oh yeah but I wouldn't want to [ __ ] you though i' be like let's go get a beer you're hilarious all right okay okay I've hooked up with one female comment on the road yeah and we laugh too hard too many bits it was too funny we laugh too hard plus when it goes bad somebody's going to talk about somebody right right and now it's a thing yeah she laughed when she saw my penis and I thought and then I started laughing it was great she did well um I don't think we should probably talk about your penis cuz why you know cuz rumor has it it's big [ __ ] yeah okay rib rib it so Luna you want to plug something okay so you were great but we had so much fun did you have fun or no yes I did have fun I hope that nobody gets offended by what we say but no I say this sh all you know I I said what I said yeah so um okay I want to plug to my residency in Las Vegas Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club every Sunday and Monday night at 9:30 it's a whole vibe come see me in Vegas jimm Kim comic club and and if anybody out there has connections with uh Netflix or anything like that just know that I am trying to be the next black female late night television I think it's going to happen and I think it's going to happen as well and um if there's anybody out there who wants to date me and you have and you have your own money and you're fun and sexy and between the ages of 25 and 50 you can hit me on my Instagram and hopefully hopefully I'll see it lunel l n l l but I get a lot of DMS and I don't I don't do it like I used to I used to answer every DM wow I used to answer every DM until probably about four or five months ago or after the special came out after my Netflix special came out oh and watch my Netflix special called Town business Dave Chappelle produced it it is streaming on Netflix right now you can put the face to the voice and um uh yeah after that I when you say you have your own money how much money would they need to to be with you lenel if they make like $100,000 a year is that good they just just play money like if they can just keep a balance of a quar million dollars in their bank that's not a lot the quli dollar is enough to take care of your family your children your friends do some fun things and stuff like that I don't need a bil billy billionaire because that [ __ ] comes with conditions and I don't like the [ __ ] they're like I'll buy you the Birkin bag but I want to [ __ ] your sister what you know what happen no when they got all that money they just buy you off and then the [ __ ] don't say nothing cuz they're getting all the materialistic [ __ ] they want but I don't want that I just want somebody who's got enough well I'm out footing the bill for everything and I need them to be fun and generous like oh there's my Netflix there it is there it is check it out mhm and I just want somebody who wants to have fun like I live in Las Vegas there's 80 million [ __ ] things to do in Las Vegas let's go see lover and Friends concert let's go see [ __ ] uh Blue Man Group let's go see uh pen and Teller let's go to Lake Las Vegas you know there's a million things to do take a helicopter ride around the [ __ ] let's do something yeah you know if I'm in Vegas and I come can I stop by and say hi you can any Sunday you be You' be nice to me yeah as as I can be no you're no you're going to hug me I'll hug and you're going to do a European kiss on my cheeks uh yeah yeah you will yeah you will you want me if I did it today you look like you had two big lip prints on yeah nothing today I'm going to go do something like that oh that the r i go you're going to ribit me ribet rib that's like a lizard yeah yeah whatever um l well I had do you have fun yeah I did have you got to come back well I would love to only she's here she's always here I am always here he's always here yeah she's my partner that is wild what that you two were together and that you two work together you know it's funny people go how can you do it and I don't understand how people can't but I don't no I have a good relationship with like my daughter's father we could probably do a podcast together yeah you you love the guy right no okay oh you don't love him at all no like yeah yeah him he's like a cool guy yeah but you can still hang out with him but they're not all exes like it's a case by case I have I have exes who I would punching a dick if I saw him on the street like I would never like [ __ ] speak to them again but with you it was like family we were together for a decade well I'm just glad that you you know cuz you are a lovable guy and you do deserve to have love in your life we hope that you get you a nice black girl in the future since that's your goal and and uh you know it's easier for a male comic to have love though than it is for femal so you think so I know so it's easier for a male to find love in comedy than female Absol [ __ ] I mean look at Natasha look at Eliza look at Sarah Tiana look at they have relationships look at a bunch of others I don't want to name their name all right but no because it's different women are used to having their men go to work having their men be in the military having their men do different jobs they're used to holding it down waiting for their man men are not used to that if I'm not home to play with your dick on Valentine Day I'm not even going to be with my kid for Mother's Day I'm going be working H you know if we're working on New Year's Christmas Thanksgiving Halloween you know what I'm saying which we are well I can't take you everywhere with me cuz now you're cutting into the money that I went to go get flying your ass the [ __ ] around right right right right so men sitting at home waiting for a woman is like leaving the water running or leaving iring her it's not a matter of if it's when is the disaster com right you know also I want to make an observation is that cuz I'm 52 years old and you know when I was a kid I was like yeah when I'm 52 sex ain't going to be a thing I think about [ __ ] I know me too till like 70 I think these days me too I still think about all the time I think people are [ __ ] strong into the 70s which means that your parents are still [ __ ] no my dad made me in his 60s oh yeah oh that's yeah so it's like and he was [ __ ] wow and my mom and I hate to say this but she was like young right so he was like definitely out there he swinging dick he was swinging that dick even as a woman though you feel still think about it what what were we talking about sex oh I I lost it cuz I was looking at you as you know Chappelle has uh kids Filipino and they one of them looks just like you that's why I keep looking at you pull up chapelle's kids you see one of them looks just like they half Filipino right yeah yeah they love our podcast we love Elaine they do they love tiger belly remember that one time oh that's awesome and Chappelle came up to me goes my kids love you and I took a photo with once I love that guy yeah he was just the um oh yeah that one the yeah see yeah yeah I don't I'm not making this up yeah there you go look right there really don't he look like him what a beautiful family yeah they're so cool Ela is so [ __ ] she best she is the best and I like him and and her together yeah yeah he's a great guy anyway um thank you for coming thank you so much for coming you started hyper ventil okay thank you anyway and then do a [ __ ] cannonball into the pool so [ __ ] Michael Yo gets wet yeah I think I think I peed a little that [ __ ] I told him who was in the photo so specif I literally I'm driving up here in a rental car I can't afford [ __ ] going after I left a meeting with my agency where they're not getting me work and I'm like you got to get put the pedal to the metal I come up here I'm like Bobby lives in a mansion this is the best life could you imagine wow video games and gumdrops oh my and then he's like I have a pity party okay bring my swim trunks with to a mixer yeah I'm going to turn it into a POS the girl that plays Chay on sex in the city was invited and I wasn't all right okay all right okay and then last night you stormed out of the [ __ ] Green Room yeah I wanted to hang out no it was too much it was too much it was you me and one other person no it was Tim Dylan five people and then who else Bobby Kelly that's three people and then Ari and shafir and AR's doing the storytelling show me and Bobby are zip zapping Timmy and Bobby Kelly are talking and then he leaves me alone with two of the fattest men alive are they going to eat me you're [ __ ] D what's happening well they would give me bad advice what advice I can't I'm talking about now but they bad ADV them for advice that's the correct [ __ ] question yeah I don't know why the advice is here whoa there and the other night it was Tuesday night we were at the store and we were in a pity party a little bit yeah and I go hey let's just cuz we fought like losers and we go let's just go eat yeah see that's why I like you and didn't we have the best time we did me you Chappelle yes and that other guy uh Jose L Louise Jose yes Lou Jose yeah went to Mel it was like midnight it was fun it was so fun it was so fun it was the best but that's what you know that's what I love about comedy yeah is the the fellowship afterwards yeah you know they did that back in the day in New York you know I mean people go to a diner whatever the best the best that's my favorite when the night doesn't end so we don't need to get invited to the big party no we have our own party the loser party this is the party we are the party this is the part here we go Ike Baron Halls let's see what he has to do why weren't you at the party oh he just texted me oh oh hot dog still this long he texted him a gift of Bobby going oh I had the dog guys for Contex Bobby has been in a very deep spiral because he saw a picture of comics at a mixer and a pool party that he was not clearly not invited to and he's having a big emotional response to it and this is we're talking about it now and it's okay to feel that way no here's what I'm saying though I would be let just let me just defend myself let me [ __ ] defend myself real quick can I defend myself real quick all right all right the floor so um what I want to say is I no yeah forget it no say it no I don't even know what I was going to say really no you do be confident okay building you up please don't do this what don't be that believe in you no no you're doing a Tony Robin thing I don't like it no I'm not I'm doing an Ian thing yeah all right doing all right I love the Ian thing yeah all right so let's backtrack for a second backck it up so what I'm saying is is that you know I believe right that I'm you know as big as some of the people that were at this Netflix party or even bigger right and I just don't get invited those things and I got a little fomo I looked at the photo right what are you doing your little confused little [ __ ] face for George your complaining but then you're also uh saying that you're bigger than all these people no that's right so in my mind I'm like why am I not at the party what's what are the reasons in your head as to why you're not in the party what are you telling yourself good question good question very good question very good I think I I think I here's what when you're come when you when you're from when you come from my life trauma everything's in that lens okay shame lens shame lens right and so you you develop storylines in your head and you false evidence right and so in my mind I'm like you know what I mean in general Netflix doesn't like me and why don't they like you I don't know why well you're living in fear and fear stands for false evence evidence appearing real false real and you need to live in the other form of fear [ __ ] everything and run or no no don't live in that like that [ __ ] everything and run that's the B that's what fear me [ __ ] everything and run yeah um let the feel Euphoria after running there we go that's good that's good great for a running club yeah feel Euphoria after running yes yeah [ __ ] thank [ __ ] everything and you know what life rules life rules so good you you know and people listen they go hey we don't like it when P Bobby complains I've read read that online too and you guys you know you're right you know I'll tell you something Ryan I'll have a great live you know I mean and it's like but you know I'm human and I've had a rough couple of weeks can I also tell you something he's turned down yeah so he's turned down this Gala that's very important to the Asian Community it's where all like the big time Asians go mhm and he got Chinese Theater oh sorry go ahead sorry um RSVP should have been April 4th and is now midm may that's so we can't do it make a call and um when he sees those pictures come out over the weekend he's going to say why wasn't I invited to that and I'm nobody and I'm nothing meanwhile he has not responded to the invite of the email to the golden Gala so I say maybe you know change how you operate a little bit M response acronym form please yeah what's another acronym f r so uh funky early Apple residue take that Kil what about take that I what about I I was wrong and I'm sorry W I was I was wrong and I was sorry yeah that's very good you got to be careful how you talk to yourself cuz your brain is listening mhm agree you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right right it's true it is so true and you know what I invited you yesterday to go shoot guns that's not the same thing we could have gone that wasn't the [ __ ] same thing and you asked so many times cuz I thought you'd I don't I've never held a gun before I'm sorry so of other people that went and it was amazing I have videos in the desert where was it uh Taran tactical in the desert the John Wick guys yes they train Keanu at for John Wick there whoa I know they could have trained you okay mhm and then you would have been in the level with John Wick and not these losers at a pool party you're an adult you don't need a pool party what do you what were you going to bring pizza and your goggles what if you did I always do that would have been great Fresh Brothers and I wish they invited you that would have been amazing you really [ __ ] up R have a pity party over here I'm sorry but it's okay I think I'm allowed to feel things you are I'm allowed to feel bummed about things and regular human within reason and not if it's causing you a weak long shame spiral it was um it was compounded things things that piling on to each other and then I kind of little bit collapsed a little bit did therapy yesterday help it did until I saw the photo you know I mean I once I saw the photo I was like you know what I mean I like I cuz I everyone I know was in it yeah do those the photos like trigger you no no I maybe for a second and then I'll go I would have hated it I would have felt weird I would have felt you we felt out of place at the store the other night with all our friends I know imagine if you were there how you would have felt you know what I mean it's like but I I feel the same way I want to be invited but I don't want to go you know but it's it's that if I can you know it's that alcoholic way of thinking of like I'm the piece of [ __ ] at the of the universe you know like I [ __ ] them for not inviting me well you did kind of get invited and you turned it down you know it's like well I didn't get invited and you got invited this other thing and then you didn't turn it down so it's like I get in the same way where I get in such a a cloud of depression and sadness I can't see how close the good things are to me because I have this fog up sometimes you just got to clean the the it's like a bathroom mirror you got to clean the fog off so you can see how beautiful you really are what is it called ping when you like look at a situation and you always immediately go to the negative y of what happened catastrophizing is it is that what it's called look it up guild also it's um I see you know like I tell myself stories in my head and convince myself people me suck and then here Bobby here we go catastrophizing means that a person fixates on the worst possible outcome and treats it as likely even when it's not very good catastrophizing learned something new thank you do you feel like you do that yeah K it's always good to see you man you have a special you want to plugy yeah what is it uh Ian fance wild happy and free it's out on YouTube now it's on the be andan with Jordan YouTube page uh what's this Ghostbusters you in the movie oh dude I did a shot by shot remake of the first call from that the Ghostbusters got oh wow here if you unmute it and well you don't have to play it whatever okay wow great w looks cinematic and good yeah dude I rented the car and they made my logo my face into the no ghost Ghostbuster logo and they put it on the car it's a shop by shot remaker when they get the first call the first part's animated and then I'm in the car I pull up to the venue and then I kick the doors open and I go uh get this there you go anybody call about a joke and that [ __ ] out it's so good and then uh yeah it was awesome it was like the cool thing of great man yeah wow and so when when did this come out came out two weeks ago you proud of it I'm so proud of it that's I'm so so proud of it especially the uh the last 15 minutes are like wildly personal and vulnerable and I worked really hard on it and uh yeah I I couldn't be prouder couldn't be happier and the the ending for the outro I get a standing ovation so I stage dived and then we shot a thing where I get like carried and kicked out of the venue thrown into trash and then a tell pops up and he goes welcome to YouTube wow wow yeah is it getting are people watching it yeah people are really digging it man well I mean me me and Andrew both think and K we all I mean everyone we think you're the future you're so talented that's really cool to hear and the first time I've ever met and we've talked about it but I was just like I'm sold on you thank you Bobby you're just s such a um um an anomaly man yeah in a good way means a lot in a good way I think you just whenever I see you it's like two children yeah you feel that I like that yeah and we we giggle like babies we giggle we had so much fun at the diner and I really appreciate you saying that that means a lot oh remember that girl that came to the table well I just want to say something real quick if I could hear that from someone that was invited to the pool party that would mean a lot more but that was nice of you to say but do we have I know that was a joke but there's some truth to it too no there's there's no one I would want to hear more than you Mich said it if Michael Yo said it I would I mean hit myself you get hard on yeah yeah cuz he's handsome and he's hot no he's not anyway um what happened to that girl at the diner that's what you were about so then like I'm we're with the guy right and the girl a girl a cute girl came to the come table and it's a girl that I had asked out before and she said I don't know something you know cuz when I look at the direct message I gave her my number years ago really right when we two years ago not before you know what I mean three years she said four I don't know what yeah yeah and um yeah no we haven't she really she didn't respond she ghost we were all sharing our fail stories of a dating a dating and stuff yeah that's always fun mean wait what ever happened to that girl you went out with a makeup artist when I was in Brooklyn oh that guy it was a umy trans girl dresses like a woman yeah yeah yeah no they're not trans they're just a guy oh really I for I don't remember what the detail but I just remember no she got locked up in the Looney Bin anyway no she came over or they they came over and uh he came over and covered my bases and uh it was really fun we like cuddled and made out and watched um oh uh Rumble in the Bronx with Jackie Chan let's go well let's go let's go but I've been busy and so have they so it's been hard to meet up again but yeah oh I remember that yeah yeah we did meet up it was nice thank you for asking do you like him her uh I would I would go on I would go on I would go on another date with them yeah yeah I would super attractive really very very pretty yeah really cool too yeah really cool how' you guys meet uh I think I think he showed up on my explore page and he had already followed me and I was like hey you're like really cute and they're like oh I'm such a fan I think you are too I love your P I was like oh it sucks we don't live in the same town they're like why I live in New York I was like well so do I well we'll see I don't want to date anyone right now I think I'm just trying to B my time now when you're making out with uh um that day um are you begging for forgiveness from a harsh Gody making out with them when you making up with them MH yes is it there it's just such a okay okay where where where dude we should this is going to this is not good this is great we're getting trouble we're getting big trouble get in trouble we're not making fun of it and we get it fun of it you I mean it's it's them and it stands for so when you Mak with them right um are you highly erect what what answer the [ __ ] question man oh Jesus are you no cuz I made no what I'm saying is I've made up with made up with people before right and then you get fully Ed right and then they leave and then what do you do after that do you jerk off frantically oh when it's just you mean when if if it's just a cuddle session y y yep yep yep yep yep so wait you're asking if I'm with someone I find attractive and we're making out do I get erect and you jerk off when they leave frantically we jerked each other off did you really we did some frotting oh that's good you know what frauding is what is frauding frauding is when you here it's yeah go ahead show everyone okay it's here take your this is your [ __ ] this is your [ __ ] okay okay take make your [ __ ] like this and then you do this and then you rub them together oh oh perfect you start a fire yeah oh we stack them on top of each other Jer them and so you're only really doing one shaft yes but what if our we have two curves away from each other oh yeah that is true you can you have to account for the curvature who does the jacking a third party a a mediator yeah yeah you got to have a spotter yeah yeah yeah I mean who's in Char you go you go or I go well it depends on who takes charge oh do you T take charge you know yeah take what do you called fracking what's it called fracking it is kind of like horizont drilling wellow I've never tried that before well you should no I think no yeah yeah that's not my thing yeah anyway um so check out um Ian's uh um YouTube special I mean the comedy special on YouTube yeah uh it's called Ian five Dan wild happy and free yeah and I'm say this right now dog what's up is that you it's I mean I haven't seen it but I just it that's okay oh I understand I never even seen cheeseburger yeah which is Andrew I've never seen anyone special anyone that takes the time to watch it I'm honored but I'm also massively understanding the fact that people don't have time time like friends don't have time to watch other friends stuff so that's not don't feel bad at all sure sure sure I was talking to Michael yo he actually told me he'd watch it loved it but and now he come up a lot we love Michael Yo okay Michael if you're listening you know but anyway um Ian thank you so much we're going to put this at us and we're going to we're going to really try to push this thing for you thank you man I appreciate that and and honestly the other night I was feeling really low and us going and eating swing low best that's the best thing you when you find someone that you can be like God I don't want to be here let's go do something fun and you change you got to find like-minded people yeah yeah and I just love that cuz post Malone was there oh really yeah oh I don't know post Malone and it was here's what happened I show up and then you start seeing people that you they're like what are they doing here you know so I first see um [ __ ] his name see it doesn't even matter it doesn't even matter anyway watch the special everyone on tiger B watch the special yeah have you gone noodling yet we're supposed to go noodling please don't don't not invite me I'll save it for you I want a noodle so bad me too I've never been noodling have you been Place go noodling with catfish Al that's not another gay sex term it's a uh well Bobby would you do it with us it's when you stick your hand in the water and into the mud and the cat fish and You Yank A catf You Yank It Out I have a fishing rod no but that's how you get catfish all right you get Catfish by put your hand in the mud yeah and then they they take your hand and then you yank them out some of them are really big so it's a fight who I want to do a prank like that where I'm in the mud you're the catfish yeah yeah and somebody sticks right you know what I mean and you get out of the water and it's a dick it's Ian's dick Franks on you [ __ ] that's my [ __ ] you're fracking oh you're doing there is that you no that's not you oh yeah wow does it hurt he thought that guy was you yeah you you're bu oh poor guy po catfish Burger look how buff these guys are what the [ __ ] yeah this is some yeah it's insane don't murder don't murder awesome yeah look at these buff yeah I want that muscle what's that muscle called the lat the lat that a lat I don't want a lat why do you want a lat I think it would just feel neat yeah but it's not going to do anything can I just say being a girl that has had like really big lats her whole life overrated really yeah cuz I swam butterfly so I had like unnaturally large lats so aome unnecessary anyway you would you ever do this enough about catfish would you ever go noodling I don't noodle you don't shoot guns you don't noodle what do you do I've been asking myself the same question we didn't do do they noodle how do you catch your fish just stuff with a rod aridium rod I just got one I'm starting a new Farm cool when I get depressed super depressed I start a new Farm on Star it seems to help what okay it's he he goes Outdoors but via video games it's a video game that does outdoor stuff plant interesting chuckle what what do you mean what you you you what you don't go really go outside you go outside and a head set it's a farming game yeah so I farm what's my my lifelong best friend is a soybean farmer in New Jersey that's great I said my friend Bobby Farms look at that online that's the game smack the [ __ ] out of you so fun farming actually fing cool it's a cool little game anyway Ian thank you so much for coming and uh watch [Music] special for [Music] [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 152,417

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, podcast, khalyla, tgrbly, stand up, bad friends, comedy podcast, tigerbelly clips, bobby lee podcast, trash tuesday, bad friends podcast, luenell, luenell campbell, breakfast club, sway in the morning

Id: RbJq4dJRsgY

Length: 101min 40sec (6100 seconds)

Published: Thu May 30 2024