Loyiso Gola | Tonightly With Tom Ballard

my stand-up guest is here all the way from South Africa the home of Australian cheating he's been nominated for an Emmy Award and he's bringing news show unlearning to the 2018 Melbourne International Comedy Festival please welcome thank you thank you for for heaven thank you for having me but before I continue if there's anyone from reclaim Australia at home I just want to say at the end of the festival I will leave I don't want you to not enjoy this routine worrying about my refugee status I'm not I'm not here to take your plumbing job I will leave yeah another thing is this big cricket scandal now which I don't care about because cricket is not a real sport to me cricket is not a real sport it's like golf like golfers on a real sport like I just believe if a fat person could beat you at a sports no real sport [Laughter] people shouldn't play sport I'm saying should win you should win but like remember when Shane Warne was good at cricket he was huge guys in the mohawk massive six foot blah no shouldn't be playing cricket it's not a real sport okay what else is big gun control Americans are marching in the streets for gun control because every once in a while in America well I say once in a while but every other week American walks into a room full of people and shoots other Americans which is quite hectic but they did research on this and they found it was mostly white people who do the shooting not to say black people don't shoot people just they just they just don't shoot everybody came to shoot someone it'll be the most polite thing you'll ever see like excuse me guys sorry I'm just here to kill someone quickly I hope you guys don't mind all right don't mind the gunshot sounds can everything proceed as nobody thank you black people don't shoot everyone it's just this is how he is this how we're all right I think of white President George Bush looking for Osama bin Laden blew up the whole of Afghanistan the whole of Afghanistan the father of the girls in Pakistan blew up Pakistan then came Barack Obama now Barack Obama knew or someone bin land was in that house did he blow up the house no because he has manners you don't blow up the whole house you walked into the house sorry guys excuse me excuse me excuse me our sama I've been looking all over the place shot the guy and left you don't kill everyone else they not involved don't get me wrong I'm not against murder per se I'm just saying kill the person you came for home observe the protocol I was I wasn't I wasn't really easier is your education you guys you have a good education system ever hate I never liked school at all I hated school like I hated the stuff they taught us like it has no value in my life right now like collective nouns a litter of a litter of puppies a bouquet of flowers a school of fish school was that [ __ ] while using the word bunch for every day I was a bunch of friends had a bunch of money but a buncha alcohol had a bunch of fun on our way home we saw a bunch outs there's no way I'm saying Parliament in my spare time no way it's the weekend why am I saying Parliament a lot of you guys you guys don't like your Prime Minister and here's the thing you guys like you just get upset at your leaders which is all good but I don't think your leaders as rock and roll as you guys think they're because in South Africa we're dealing with some real RocknRolla right we had a president who was facing 785 charges of corruption before he became the president you have to break the law every day for two years the funniest thing about him is that he it was that he had a minister of safety and security the guy in charge of the country secrets that guy's wife was selling crack and he didn't know you guys you guys are like this should be funny but were shocked but yeah it's it's it's it's it's it's quite clear then our neighbors in South Africa Zimbabwe were free it was so weird like you see you guys all saw that the same bug was on people of Zimbabwe are finally free I'm like you're [ __ ] you're free from a person who's 94 like this how are you tortured by a person who's like I would kill to cover myself at 94 like okay this is what he tripped on nothing wasn't a Twitter he was on the Internet tripping on he walked and then he just ah wasn't that the perfect time to just kick him today that person has no ability to torture anyone anyway you guys you guys have been fun and and and you've been fair so thank you so much thank you [Applause] you

Channel: ABC iview

Views: 864,766

Keywords: Funny, funny jokes, jokes, funny videos, comedy, youtube funny videos, best comedy, funny tv show, abc comedy, abc tv, iview, Australia, comedy channel, ABC, comedian, stand up, sketch comedy, funny web series, Australian comedy, Loyiso Gola, Tonightly, Tonightly with Tom Ballard, Tom Ballard

Id: qSA8jEAi52E

Length: 5min 51sec (351 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 29 2018