"LOVE LIFE & DRAMA" ft. Pokimane - OfflineTV Podcast #3

look this [ __ ] baited you all right look thanks for watching all right quiet on set please yeah shut the [ __ ] up thanks for that part of the intro all right everybody welcome to the third episode of the otv podcast i'm joined by the very lovely one of my favorite people in the world miss pokemane welcome i'm gonna cry and it's only three seconds of this episode how you doing i'm good how are you good good excited for uh your first podcast appearance actually yes i've been very much looking forward to this i wish that i planned more um but i did come very mentally ready to be as open of a guest as you could possibly desire perfect we're going to cover a lot of topics today everything talk about it let's get saucy i know deep down you want to get saucy and toast i want to get saucy you want to get sauces okay wait can we start with this actually within otb i feel like me and you are like secretly the most controversial maybe less so secretive for me more so but for me like i love to talk i genuinely love to share my opinion i've maybe shied away from it like the first few years of streaming because uh i mean like especially just growing up it's a little bit hard to properly formulate your opinion in front of hundreds of thousands of people but i feel like you're the same in the sense that you don't want to shy away from more sensitive topics and i personally appreciate that a lot like as a friend and as a viewer i find it a lot more interesting than people who are liking yeah i was thinking the other day with where you are now i would say you're kind of like and you're if you you're kind of in your miley cyrus phase after hannah montana after fortnight i see what you mean yeah yeah but you're in you're like you know i kind of did everything i'm chilling i'm going to say what i want now yes and um i'm very much enjoying it but also personally i don't like i don't really have a goal in particular that's like i want to go crazy and i seemed like a good girl and now i want to be a fan i mean i've always been a bad [ __ ] but i think it's more so just um especially as someone who like grew up on the internet like not just on the internet but in front of people like from 17 to 25 i streamed all of those like quite formative years i think now i just want to um care a bit more about the person that i want to be in a bit less about the person people want me to be so i think i'm just in the process of figuring that out experimenting and prioritizing enjoying my life yeah when you were in your like fortnite phase and you're getting a lot of attention a lot of young impressionable kids chats filled with like a lot of children talking have you ever felt like you couldn't say or do anything that you kind of wanted to do um honestly i think it was a bit less so that i felt i couldn't say things that i wanted to say it was just like i was also so young that it was more so like fear and not being aware of like the stark difference between me and some of the audience like within fortnite let's say and it was just like there was this little fire burning within me this sentiment of i want to be a person that can eloquently voice my opinions i can say what they want that can stand for what they believe in but when you're like 22 and all you've ever known is gaming and streaming it's kind of hard to actually be that person so i think it was less so that i felt i had to filter myself and more so like i was still figuring out who the heck i was in the first place and especially like when you have such an audience it's easy to just be influenced by them and be like oh they're gearing me towards doing this and liking this and being this kind of a person so yeah i guess it was a little like not that self-aware yeah i remember uh when the fortnite will start popping off like what was that four years ago now it was like three years talking and you're taking it pretty seriously and when valerian came out you like really tried and you recently hit immortal which is pretty much as how many people are immortal like i think it's like 10k i don't know the but that's less than i would say that's point one percent probably probably even less and was that a lot of practice like off stream a lot of what what made you want to push for mortal because when it comes to women in gaming as it's always women in gaming like high ranked women the topics discussion around them is always very contentious and you could easily just have been pokeman you know plat diamond gamer wow that's pretty good but everyone was always gonna yeah pretty good for a girl yeah she's pretty good for a girl but you actually made the effort to push for immortal why is that um oh it immortals top 1.2 percent oh interesting yeah um i think for starters um for starters i really like the game so that's step one you know i've had numerous addictions in my past league of legends fortnite now we're invalid and when i really care about something especially when i care about streaming something i want to be like as good as i feel i can reasonably be and especially this being my first fps i liked that i could just look up so many videos and find a very clear-cut way in order to get better you just aim train a ton you play the game a ton you learn the game and i enjoyed every part of that like i genuinely learned just like i enjoyed just grinding my ass off in that game i enjoyed every game that i played i mean for the most part and i think it was seeing the progress that really felt good um especially progress in something that you are initially so clueless in i remember dude i feel like anything anyone in no tv tells me like i remember so specifically there was one day we were playing customs i don't know if you remember this we were playing customs and i had just started like aim training every single day and i was like uh top of the leaderboard or whatever i was like outfragging everyone within our friend group and i remember you messaged me and you were like when did you get so good at this game yeah cause and i was so flattered things like that motivated me to like keep trying so much yeah because when we started flying we were all kind of similar yeah right but with you you actually you were a bit of a sweat yes like you were training because you were teaching people about um on the valorem maps they give you a lot of indicator for where your head level is yeah so you're like oh just look at here and you know where the head's gonna be i'm like why do you know that huh you've been watching videos and playing with pros yeah and how has uh the public reaction to that been um honestly when it comes to the public reaction to almost anything i don't really see that much by design like i will generally see what my friends say on twitter and stuff like that and in that regard it's been like pretty positive which i appreciate a lot obviously there will always be little corners of the internet random tic-tac video here to talk comment there youtube cup you know there will always be places for people to go and again [ __ ] she ain't even that good i watched her place for two seconds and she missed a headshot you know and it's like those places will exist but i i feel like i'm overall pleasantly surprised but i also think my standards are like really freaking low like i remember um prior to hitting a mortal like when i could tell i was really close to it in my mind i could already think up of all these excuses people are gonna give and things that people will say and i had no idea if like i would post it and like everybody would discredit me but luckily for the majority uh for the like majority of the part most people were really really nice especially friends other content creators so i feel like that helped like legitimize my achievement which meant a lot but yeah because i already knew so many people would likely tear it down anyways i kind of precaution myself by making sure that it feels like a personal win more so than a i will only care if other people validate me about this and i for sure freaking feel good about it i stream my games in high elo so i'm happy yeah it was i was really like impressed when you heard it because immortals like pretty much one of the hardest things to do in valor because everyone valerie is so like sweaty very sweaty at the high level okay but let me tell you um i think the difference is everybody has pretty good aim in immortal high diamond radiant for starters you can even tell stats wise the difference between a mortal top one per percent and top point one percent like that gap is huge in my opinion that's the difference between someone who's like gold and someone who's diamond like it can be that much of a difference or like platinum diamond like it's even more than a tier actually i'd say but i will say people's aim is really freaking good but they don't really care to learn the game that well they don't always want to play for time so i know that i can put in the efforts in non-natural born gaming ways like strategically figuring out things that work whether it's lineups like i can put in the nerd studying hours in areas where other people won't and luckily that gives me a leg up sort of oh very cool speaking of saucy spicy stuff the twitch earnings yeah as you may have heard came out leaked everyone's income for the last two years what rank were you 39. 39. that's lower than a lot of people what a lot of people expected yeah yeah and you tweeted out um go ahead and pull up that tweet oh we love a good spicy tweet you i remember seeing this i'm like oh this is a there's something i would tweet out if i was on twitch i'd be like yeah i mean you know all these guys are like because for me i like to ride my high horses whenever i can and in situations where i can't i just like oh i don't i don't want to talk about that but i would i would similar because people don't re the audience still don't really understand just how much money people make and this is just this is just twitch income from subs and ads yeah those two things not counting bounties or donations or sponsorships it's like two of 10 pieces of pies right and you're pretty low and you talked about how you kept your donation a year ago because for those who don't know oh it was a year ago there was just people it was like the [ __ ] on pokeman train and um it was this youtuber who's been just permanently banned from youtube because the things he said were so damn bad yeah it's like to get perm we've seen some real degens on youtube together i know sometimes i think about that time in my life and i'm like was that a fever dream yeah it's like someone with like millions of subs really get banned off youtube because they couldn't help like [ __ ] talking me and lying about me and just like trying to roast me 24 like that's that's crazy crazy that it happened because i think like just a few months later youtube like our streaming circle became pretty pc like yeah very like among us went boom amongst them boom and attracted a lot of like younger kids who are more like hey that's not cool like they're very they're very woke yes you know can we table that so we can discuss that later because i do want to discuss that too yeah but um my feeling it's better to be too woke than not to allow like what happened to you to keep happening to people right i feel like what happened to you wouldn't really fly today because a lot of the twitter culture would be like hey that's not very cool of you to say that which honestly i appreciate a lot yeah but uh you tweeted like you kept a donation because yeah i said at least people can't over exaggerate me making millions off my viewers anymore uh basically because back then when i was like shooting on pokey trend or whatever yeah a lot of people would say that there were like these tweets that were very clearly jokes where people are like pokey i donated my entire rent when my wife is mad at me but it's like it's random tweets on twitter from like anime profiles it's not a real person but people would use that and then hold it against me and then also make jokes about me like having tons of sims and this and that when in reality like people most streamers my size or larger have like multipliers of my sub count i don't really push for subs that much um two it ain't that deep and three obviously all those streets were just not real yeah uh it's weird because you have the people tweeting oh pokey my queen i can't pay my rent this month donate to you like this guy's obviously being facetious and he is essentially like trying to make fun of how pathetic like people who donate to streamers are like he is kind of mocking your audience so he's like one of the people who want to like insult you but then you have the other people who then take that what that person is saying as rio and saying wow pokeman made this guy mrs rent she's the terrible person so these two people are in the same group and they're like oh no he this guy's a synth and i'm just trying to save his life by keeping him from donating his money to you when in reality not neither of these people are actually supporting you and i'm sitting at home like uh yeah like they came up with a strong man themselves and said look look what damage you're doing to this person and i think your average supporter like someone who donates to your stream is just like no i just gave her five bucks and she read my message i just memed in her donors and i went home yeah yeah i just watched her stream and that's it and so you tweeted this out saying like hey here's proof that i don't actually get that much money from subs and donations because i don't actively push for it because like i said you're kind of in your miley cyrus phase where you you kind of made your money you made an impact you don't need to be out there saying like 100 subs guys 100 subs please please you're just chilling yeah so you tweeted this out because you know you don't you don't want those narratives going around yeah how's the reaction to this tweet from streamers and like i am glad like i feel like if i tweeted something like this a year ago like it just wouldn't fly like i i almost would feel like i'm not allowed to but i'm glad that now people's reactions like well i feel like people needed definitive proof before believing me unfortunately like i wish they could have just taken my word a year ago but um i think overall the reaction is like yeah you know what you're right you did cap your donuts we can't see the facts of how much you make and there's really just no negotiating what i've said because there's evidence to it so i'm sure there probably were some salty people but again i just like if i read every comment my brain's gonna boom so i just don't yeah yeah overall i'd say positive which i like dude being able to tweet spicy and not getting [ __ ] for it but yeah the twitch leak itself was kind of crazy and yeah what did you think about it um well i remember making a video about twitch income like two years ago saying guys we make a lot of money we get paid ten thousand dollars an hour for sponsorships like that's yeah and people don't even see that i think that would be so interesting for others to see the numbers of like exclusive deals especially for those like ninja or shroud steals um and like sponsorship numbers i think sponsorship numbers will just like blow people's yeah sponsorship numbers are the fun interesting almost like orangey you know yeah like what's what's the highest we can get into some numbers here have you heard of like really really high figure deals like one-offs long term so i'm trying oh my god okay not too long ago like a few months ago i was offered to do this down horrendous deal picture this like it's a mobile game of course you have to stream it of course on numerous occasions for short amounts of time like maybe an hour or two but numerous occasions and the mobile game has to be played on like let's say a phone or an ipad or whatever like just the thing that you would you know like not usually do yeah and i had to go elsewhere for it and it was just like it felt like the most inauthentic thing ever but it was like six figures plus like six figures and the figure doesn't start with the one you know [Music] and i just i had to turn it down because like i couldn't like i could tell it was the kind of thing that like during my soul with just about from the inauthenticity and i feel like uh we're all pretty lucky that we're at a point where like our brand has like pretty good value and i feel like sometimes when viewers see you do things that are so disingenuous you know like if they see you take a sponsor for something that you just shout out they're like get that bag but if you're like out there doing things that are just like so off-brand for money it just doesn't feel right so yeah it sounds weird because you have to weigh the costs and benefits because the benefit is a six figure deal go somewhere and play some mobile games for a few hours like a couple of times a few times over the course of a few months and you turn that down and a lot of people's reaction will be like why can't yeah why would you do that like i would love for that it's like what would be the tangible impact outfit it's hard to quantify like is my audience really going to be like oh you took a mobile deal well i'm not going to watch you but it does maybe we should break it down for people because i don't want to seem like ungrateful for having feels like that it's amazing but if anything what i really want to say is i would rather turn down that money than do something that just feels like extremely inauthentic and sell something to my audience that doesn't feel like something i would genuinely ever do whether it's playing that game whether it's what i'm playing on whether it's it's really all of it so i think you probably consider this sometimes too it's like you also don't want to play a game that like you don't know that well you're gonna be like fumbling around on stream the content will be dry bro yeah no yeah i've done a few of those and same and they scarred me yeah it's like oh god what am i like what am i doing right now like i don't play this game i don't care about it but they offered like a large sum of money is the impact gonna be that noticeable and it's it's hard it's hard to tell it's like seeing a b-list celebrity do card insurance commercials or seeing celebrities do cameos oh like the website where you pay them like a hundred dollars to say anything i'm like bro a hundred like you're you feel like your words are only worth a hundred dollars for anything that's crazy to me i feel like things like that lead to like brand dissolution so there's two in my opinion there's like two sides of it there's like the emotional personal do would you hate what you're doing would you not enjoy yourself blah blah and then there's also the logical side to taking deals like that which is like the benefits um and cons to your brand and i feel like things like that are a massive contour brand like if you stream mobile games for money like six times within even like a month of a period and that's not something you usually do as a larger streamer i think a decent part of your fan base would just like they whether they say it or not like they won't see you as highly as they used to yeah and that's something that is like not quantifiable but you have to be very aware of it yeah like what you mentioned about camera like when i see celebrities on cameo like hey bro can we can we just check cameo real quick and see what celebrities are on there there's that one guy on shark tank kevin o'leary i think so and people just pay him to promo their products but it's like if you're a businessman shouldn't you feel like your word is worth a lot yeah i feel like if you're on cameo like i feel like you need some level of integrity to be like maybe i should check what i'm vouching for yeah like your brand will when i see someone on camera you're like i feel like their brand gets like you mentioned diluted a little bit i agree because when you can get someone to like say anything at some point even that value wears off whether it's like shock value or interesting or entertainment or whatever yeah i do live video calls too oh you can you can talk to the guy from the office kevin the most common i've used for these i've seen is bigger youtubers talking to celebrities and then putting on their youtube channel i feel like that's worth the youtube that's like worth way more than 100 bucks you've paid a celebrity yeah you'll make more on sense for sure yeah but that's that's just part of being is that a nipple oh my god isn't she from the office yeah wait why would that be the photo i'm going to the actor portion i don't recognize any of these but if you want to type in kevin o'leary i'm pretty sure he's on this oh percy from harry potter oh god is that what he's been up to i will say it probably makes sense to do cameo for a lot of people whether it's voice actors like certain actors like up and coming potentially but yeah you have to consider the brand hit yeah being an actor is i can imagine it to be very stressful in your future is that really something you'd want to do um welcome to the shanghai portion of the podcast we need one of these in every podcast thank you for listening so no progress update since the last three weeks we've been talking about this um i always i always thought it would be more fun to like be behind the camera for a bit and then do some stuff in front of the camera because i think you learn way more like seeing how other people do it it's like oh they did like this they did like this it's kind of how i started streaming it's like you look at what other people do and you just see what you can do better try and recreate it so yeah that's your shanxi update of the week for this podcast no but what interests you so much in the idea of being in shangxi um just mainstream appeal i think being a streamer like a gaming streamer it's like two roads you can always be a gaming stream i can be a gaming streamer forever and like play the new game try and get on the meta make cool things happen but what's what what what's your biggest impact right like the biggest impact a gamer has had would be ninja and he he you know he went omega put gamers on the board we are people yeah made a lot of money and now it kind of paved the way for those platform deals honestly thank you ninja thank you i feel like he deserves a cut yeah of all of our deals like ninjas manager was really like smart about what he did and kind of like set all of us up it's like well ninja did it so where's my giant bag of money and now he's just kind of coasting right but you know having a big impact like that is cool but uh a robert downey jr a brad pitt or you know leonardo dicaprio like those guys his impact is huge or even directors like christopher nolan steven spielberg like household names and you want to be a household name yeah yeah what makes you not want to do it through gaming just the smaller likelihood of it occurring that way in comparison to more traditional things like acting yeah and also gaming is so niche still like xqc i would say is the biggest twitch streamer when it comes to english speaking language but i would say he not a lot of people would know him right if you're in gaming you'll know him but a lot of people still aren't in gaming and maybe gaming reaches a point one day where it's like synonymous with television and movies that would be cool that would be very nice but but we're still far from there yeah and at the end of the day do you want to game forever right my wrists hurt sometimes so i feel like hollywood television movies is just more fun or just more long-form youtube you know i really wonder because uh from my perspective the flip side to it is yeah there are all those upsides but the downsides is like lack of creative control whatsoever you're at a producer and editors women yeah mercy entirely um and i feel like the business must be very different but have a lot of its own issues i guess you could say so i guess at least from my perspective i always felt like acting could be cool but i feel like i don't have the chops for it and i like i mean type a i just like being in control so either way i uh wholeheartedly vouch for you to be in shanghai too if anyone's listening you you can be like tom cruise do you know what he does so for all of his movies he is like the top executive producer so the the reason he's still able to do stunts and stuff because normally director will be like oh big stunt where you could kill yourself you're not allowed to one time a director told him that and he was like oh let's get a new director you can go is the goal damn wait what if to put you on the board for shanxi too we produce our own thing a movie like a short maybe a movie's a bit much but a short i feel like we could do it we can make us sick do you think it will take because i've thought about something like that do you think the audience would just be so taken back it's like no that's disguise though that's pokemon that's the only future i cannot get like i cannot be immersed we would have to act our butts off like it would have to be so mind-blowing that we force them to be immersed or we all change the way we look drastically i'll go bald a lot of youtubers have tried to go mainstream on like tick tockers i saw addison ray what's her name yeah had her own movie and did you watch i watched a movie recap of it me too because i don't feel like we watched think i'm the target audience i'll be honest i guess maybe i am but younger yeah younger addison ray fans i feel like a lot of these influencer movies are just for their fans and no one else would really want to watch it yeah i think it's i think it's interesting like if you were her do you think that's a good move [Music] because you know there's that natural thought of like this sequence of events is sick i pop off on tick tock and then i'm in a movie and i'm an actress now and it's like even more mainstream more attention more celebrity status right yeah but also like if you come from tick tock chances are you're not like an insane yeah at acting um and then perhaps you know the results the ratings the actual movie or tv show won't be that great yeah i kind of feel like it actually puts a stain on your reputation of like an influencer who tried too hard and too fast you're like i'm an actor now right and you know logan paul kind of went through it i know there's a there's a movie with shane dawson years ago as well i didn't hear about that actually paris hilton like just a lot of people who aren't actors i feel like the ones who are successful um i feel like the rock is a great example yeah he was a wrestler and he was in an entertainment role like he was playing it up but he wasn't like acting acting right he was a wrestler who was entertaining and he started as just like side roles and slowly made a name for himself i think that is really the best way to do it and make sure that every time like you do slightly transition that you do it well yeah um and then like slowly build upon that yeah kind of like a lot of youtubers or tic-tac-toes tick-tock tick-tock tick-tockers and uh music careers it's like i it's so hard for me to think of anyone that's done it super well aside from bella yeah but like her music the video all of it was really well done so i think it's only a good move if the end product is genuinely that good yeah otherwise it always sounds like a good move especially from the creator's perspective you're like you want me to do what heck yeah have you been approached for music and movies films tv i've been approached for like acting roles here and not like big ones but like things i'm always like i don't act but i'll show up as myself if you want me to do that so i feel like i'm more of like a cameo type of gal um or if something like specifically for some reason made sense for me but the way that i see it whether it's acting music or really any other skill i feel like i have so much respect for professionals that do that that i wouldn't go into it unless like i really took the time to master that skill somehow i'm not going to do it just for like some extra attention or you know some like status that it might give me i just don't think it's worth it because you kind of only have a one chance at a good first impression right and you don't want to be to be like pokemane the movie and you're the main character i am db no [ __ ] sorry broden's doing all this stuff on the screen i'm looking like a toast wow that's me and my image is just free guy what's uh pokey's imdb credits actual actress a better known as pokemane that's me man oh my god look known for offline tv known for often tv freak known for michael reeves i'm known for michael reeves i've made him i don't know who put these offline tv ones up dude that's sick but someone put like some of our big production ones up on imdb and like i guess they count as like tv or like web tv we're legit we're legit as f yeah but you would never do something like off the bat pokemon the movie or like poke like star i am so afraid of anything that could remotely come off as creatures cringey uh so it just it has to be the perfect fit for me to really say yes yeah you gotta win in three nominations hell yeah i did for the shorty award twitch streamer of the year yeah pog a lot of streamer stuffs but all that is like fans please vote oh sorry so yeah that's so cool i didn't even know they put these up on imdb which i don't know why but there's a question on here what is a big fear do you have insecurities pokeman yeah of course what all human beings have insecurities of course wait number one female twister and pokemon has insecurities really yeah duh legit i have you met anyone with no insecurities i'd be fascinated i'd be like poking at them are you no i think every one of them has insecurities but some people just won't admit it to themselves yeah they're good at hiding it or they just like always seem so confident and you just assume i think that's fine i think you can reach a level of confidence while still like having insecurities i've just like kind of accepted them what are you insecure about when you've been shat on for like everything you're just like i saw this thing you know like i could change almost anything about myself and people would just find something else to be upset about so when i almost like reverse engineer that i'm like the most time efficient thing to do is to just accept everything about myself um as girls it's like anything can kind of be better like you could lose weight your stomach could be flatter your butt could be bigger your chest could be bigger your nose could be smaller and flatter your face could be more v your lips could be it's like you know like it's never gonna run out um but when you start focusing on those things i feel like you are training your brain in a way that will only hurt you later so yeah yeah uh those who don't know uh big streamers also have a lot of insecurities and problems and stress every big streamer if you're even above like a 2k one probably 2k andy you're insecure about your viewer account like for freaking sure i actually think sometimes the bigger streamer you are the more insecure you are about your viewer account um and it almost like pains me to hear that from other people that i feel are like doing so much and are really great and successful because i feel like um it's almost like inadequacy is what's driving them which isn't a very like fulfilling thing to chase i guess yeah a lot of people in our friend group has experienced like a boom in popularity uh over the last year but you know since among us is gone a lot of pretty i would say i would say everyone's viewership has been trending down the last four months and quite a few of them aren't taking it so well like in terms of they get really stressed now they have a lot of anxiety like i know one that has to like take some edibles at night to help them sleep because they are they're actually losing sleep really thinking about it yeah like their success and like how they're going to become irrelevant and it's like really sad to hear yeah and i think it's because they they've had the taste of like success and because everything's going down they just think oh it's always the end even though their current viewership is still much higher than where they were one year not just that but like probably more than enough to like satisfy being full-time uh being financially stable i think in that regard i'm really really lucky because i've been streaming so long i've seen so many ups and downs and i don't ever have my viewer account up so even if i'm aware of like the way things are generally trending i think i'm god bless thank you i think i am like really at a point where i'm much much more desensitized to it than most people um that's why like sometimes people will come to me and they'll be like i'm doing everything that i can i'm trying new things i'm streaming more and somehow like my viewership is still down and the thing that people streamers need to accept is like sometimes positive or negative external circumstances impact your viewership and you can't do anything about it could we have predicted among us and it making all of our viewership increase no can we predict its departure and you know school returning and this and that uh and therefore less overall traffic on the website and that also impacting our numbers no like there's just nothing you can do about it so you might as well just be happy stream [ __ ] you like have a good time and find other goals aside from ones that aren't fully in your control yeah it's it's hard it is hard one thing i want to talk to you about because i feel like you want a few people who's not afraid to talk about this is um friendship is streamers it's really [ __ ] weird yeah and i brought it up to michael but michael michael's he's detached enough yet because of god i'm so jealous of him because like he sees the [ __ ] we go through it's like why the [ __ ] it's like what it's it's it's like a fee like like a it's weird to see friends who are competitors in streaming who are nice to each other but also this drug kind of drama that switches between multiple people at any given time and then how do you navigate how you interact with people whether it's professional whether it's business related like all of that is a lot yeah so you want to touch about like touch on what is it like what's a friendship like as a streamer just give them some context you need to define everybody defines that differently um and it's tough because like i can say i'm like friends with a lot of people but there's also like for me personally there's a level of friendship where like you're a good friend in that regard like the way that i see friendship is the way that i've been lucky enough to have it good friends like they care about you they check up on you they see how you're doing they'll be there for you when you need someone um and there's just like kind of these levels of expectation that you cannot hold for someone just because they stream with you or just because they'll play games with you or just because people on the internet think you guys should get along and that's been you know a thing to learn and it's also difficult because there are some people that you can like plenty and want to be closer with but if they just don't view friendship in the same way that you do then you can't be that close to them so yeah yeah and having like a business like otv network it's explained it's it's exploded so much over the last year at this point it's almost like we're in the business of friendships which is very very complicated like where do you draw the line so i think i've kind of gotten to the point where i'm very comfortable with the people that are like closest to me and then aside from that like i just try to treat people as well as i can but like expect nothing from them to not complicate things yeah otv being essentially a business of friendship is very it makes things very difficult because everyone's on different wavelengths uh some people i think you do a good job of separating like business decisions and friendship decisions but like for example lily is more like one in the same right yeah i'm friends with you that means i want to do business with you i'm not friends with i don't want to do business with you right and navigating is hard because some people just let business decisions spill over but when you live together you play games together complications it's it's complicated so right now like even an offering group behind the scenes there's a lot like just some uncomfortableness going on and it kind of sucks and everyone don't really know what to do right yeah i think what's also difficult is like everybody comes from very different walks of life and oftentimes when they have issues i think it's harder for them to communicate it in this circumstance than in almost any other one like can you imagine if you feel like you are a smaller streamer and you feel like a larger streamer disrespected you or maybe you have an issue with something that they're doing or something that they're doing makes you uncomfortable you have to consider that dynamic from like a work perspective prior to even communicating how you feel and i mean i can assume like i can imagine something like that occurring in like a work or corporate environment but rarely are you also friends and in the same friend circle in that environment i think that's what kind of makes me the most sad about it all i wish people were just more open about the things that they felt as opposed to like yeah just like sharing with their friends and things always go around so you know it's complicated to navigate how do you feel about it though because i feel like you uh are like just very straightforward and i assume by design because you just don't want to be involved in like drama issues like you're very clear with like the expectations people can have of you and you are very what's the word like fair like what brother what's the word when you ask someone for their opinion and they'll give like a very reasonable response not biased something like that unbiased sounds right oh thank you unbiased opinion yeah i know if there's another word you can think of but whenever i'm like i need a an objective perspective i go to toast and i tell them the whole and i tell them the whole thing i'm like what's going on here and you're just like very reasonable in your take yeah impartial neutral impartial yeah yeah i think i mediate pretty often between people because i try and be as impartial as possible like even um we've had like cancellations over the last four or five years of our careers and these people some of these people who are like getting cancelled will still like ask hey toast what should i do and i would give them advice that i think is best for them that sometimes will go against what's best for like some of my friends because at the end of the day it's like you gotta you gotta do what's best for you right i don't wanna tell you something that's gonna work against you just because i want someone else who i like more or benefit from it but what if what's best for you is not to tell them that because then if the other person knows and they will hold that against you you know like these are the complications you gave good advice to my enemy well i also don't want to lie to the person and give him bad advice so i feel like we wind up in these situations a lot where it's a little bit like picking shoes as soon as there is an issue or conflict so but yeah it's because i i'm pretty biased in my decision from time to time like when it comes like i have to make a decision i would tend to side with the people i personally like like the more even they are wrong and it has happened before but i always try and be as upfront as i can it's like look i'm making this decision and the reason is i like this person yes no toast is straight up safe i've seen this on numerous occasions and it's funny because like you are known as this very like logical blunt monotone guy a lot of the time and you do have all those qualities you're really witty uh but there is also a part of you that once you like someone uh you stand by that quite a lot which i like a lot and when you see that peer through sometimes in your mind you're like this doesn't make sense but you're also just so straightforward about it you're like i am making this decision to be illogical because i like you it's really it's cute yeah but um it's i try and stay out of it like i have these phases where i hate everyone in a friend group for me it's less so hate and i will just be like i would like to run away to canada yeah guess to me canada's like this land of family and love and rainbows and no problems will ever happen there and when things get complicated here i'm like [Laughter] i mean i've done that a couple of times where i was like okay this is getting too much i'm going back to canada for two months and then people start messaging me and say hey you know this thing happened this thing happened what i do and then i feel like okay i'm gonna go back to the states because but what i've learned is everyone everyone is nice and they ultimately are good people but you have well friend group has ballooned to like 50 individuals all streamers all it's just impossible to manage yeah and there are times where it's just like a decision has to be made and someone's gonna be unhappy right and what do you do then uh it's tough i i try to stay out of it but i swear to god you leave some of them alone and they start self-destructing sometimes as well bro what what do you see you know because bro oh yeah yeah bro you're the camera guy i bet you see like wow this is weird [ __ ] bro some of the hardest stuff is like inviting guests offline shoots because there's like yeah we have such a big friend group but then it's like how do you pick and choose wait has it ever gotten back to that someone has like felt left out yeah yeah have they told you directly hey broden what the hell man um i don't think it's ever been like a direct thing it's i think it's always been someone else being like hey i heard like they were kind of sad that it couldn't come like i wish there was a camera on your face right now he's like i heard that like it was kind of sad but yeah juggling that is like i don't know i well the other part of it is i try to like then come up with videos where like they'll shine that way it's like okay when they do come in like they have a great spot like that that's so nice of you because other times like sometimes a certain person is not right for the right role it's kind of like like casting in movies you'd be like hey let's let's hold off like they'll be better in this one that kind of thing yeah like from uh yeah watching the friend group thing i don't know how you do it yeah i mean you're kind of in it how do you do it i mean i i like michael i kind of stay a little attached too i do see that yeah damn and like what if we just had normie friends like can we just pick up a bunch of normies oh no that'd be interesting happens is they see us streaming and they appear on our streams and everyone's like oh this guy's kind of funny huh maybe he should start doing that yeah you know working i don't know if we have normie friends we know to draw that boundary now nobody on the stream love you but you stay on that side of the camera but yeah it's i was talking to uh ludwig about this and he he has a group of friends um that he does transcendental stuff yeah yeah and all of them are pretty like yeah i don't want to stream i just want to like help ludwig with his [ __ ] like i just want to be like production okay but what if they got popular in among us yeah it's like what if one day one of them just gets a lot of attention and you want to be a good friends like yo go for it like i'll host you but then now there's a vacant road that they have to fill and what if that person gets into then also your friendship becomes more complicated yeah because for whatever business related reasons streaming i feel like it's a job that a lot of people would want to do but it's not something you actively pursue if it falls into it's like acting uh i think if you're just offered to act along brad pitt you're not gonna say no well i've never acted so i'm not comfortable you'll be like yeah no yeah i'll give it if you want me i'll try to do it it's it's even like a way better example than acting because acting again you would have to like be very skillful at that streaming people just have to like you yeah so if you already know people like you and people will watch you for whatever reasons you got to that point it it is very hard to turn down yeah it's like why would i work my nine to five like programming job when i could not i could not i can play thanks to my lovely friend ludwig who has given me a career so yeah making friends in this scene has always been a little difficult like people always say oh is it a cloud chaser like that that's the obvious part of it yeah it's just when you do find people you do vibe with and you wanna support them but they become a streamer and the relationship gets complicated it's yeah i think the biggest thing is like i mean almost in any relationship expectations and communication i feel like everybody has different expectations of people and then they don't communicate when they're hurt they don't really communicate what bothers them and that just causes for so many issues to snowball but maybe we'll get better with it in time i don't know man alfred was pretty young non-competition like even with brodan's example it's like no one ever told him hey roland you know i kind of want to be in the next year it's like brodin hears from someone who heard that person is sad does that happen to you often like do you hear a lot about this okay okay okay for among us i'm going to give an example involving you you felt yeah i remember you messaged me because uh you felt a little sad that you were left out one of the lobbies yeah and you were the only person who's ever messaged me i'm such a confrontational andy but wait can i also set the record straight on that like i in my mind i have like people that i prioritize and i think at that point you were like i am going to include you because you're you know you're among us dude and also you're like toast my friend of so many years and sometimes when i feel like that's not reciprocated that's when i'll be like hey i feel this way is there a reason why like did i do something wrong yeah like am i being bothersome in the game do you not want to play with like i'd rather just talk to you behind the scenes but again i'm like confrontational andy and again what i've learned is nobody else is like that why let's talk about our feelings don't just tell your friend tell the person yeah you were i think the only person who ever messaged me like hey you know is there a reason yeah or it was just like the plans get made but i've heard from so many so many other people put a number on it even like estimated number one total yeah holy [ __ ] of people that you've heard either feel left out or have issues in relation to you and your content how many fingers do i have i would say eight eight like that i concrete know that had a wasn't happy about like how some of the lobbies were made but that no i think i think everyone felt some level of fomo like literally everyone um except i would say um ray and sakura because when i made lobbies i always first invite ray first invites secuno right um but that leaves seven spots what do you do from your perspective oh bro i was true i think i had a week of among us i had a spreadsheet oh you tried to like even out the oh that's nice i had a spreadsheet of five straight among us day and every lobby had someone variety a variety of people and luckily i didn't really know about it until like the halfway point like maybe if i knew earlier on i could have fixed things but at the same time once i learned it was just a whole level of stress and anxiety because at the beginning i was like something you'll keep in the back your mind basically yeah and that's that's the expectation that you know your friends would put on you right among us it's 10 people initially because you were there for the first day i remember it started off as me cycling oscar lily and i think you were fifth or sixth p person to join that was streaming at the time yeah it was just like offline yeah it was like hey you wanna play this game and you said yes um but it reached a point where it got so big and everyone wants to play and i swear to god some of them didn't even want to play someone it just was like oh this is popular yes yes and it was definitely hard to juggle and i had to explain it's like well this is the situation like i'll try and get you into the next one that is tough for you and but then among us reached another weird point where it became too content driven and no you aren't a fan of that because for those who don't know pokemon's the most competitive person in our friend group uh when is this coming integrity bro i have a lot of integrity she is the most competitive person i really like i know competitive integrity even the simplest like games that we're playing not even for content she's trying to win it's a natural-born gamer i mean what can i say you guys are gonna see a video released in the next two weeks that will capture just how competitive pokeman is and it's gonna be like wow she is she is a competitive person but what can i um but among us turned non-competitive because a lot of streamers realized oh you know if i am like wacky and zany i get more attention oh my god how did you feel about that because at the beginning you were you you tried to win every single [ __ ] among this game that's why yeah i kind of like both love and hated playing with you because she's okay but can i say like it is a completely impersonal thing like if i'm ever competitive it's because i take so much joy in the fun of games like genuinely and i remember like really great memories of among us lobbies where everybody was like trying and it felt so fun it was like a genuine massive murder mystery with all of our friends and people like i saw you turn like this and do this then you had to weigh like the different types of evidence and everybody's having a good time and it feels like an even playing field things like that i'm like that's freaking fun and if i do my best and i lose that's still freaking fun because it was like an enjoyable ride the whole way there um i will say when among us kind of took its second turn and i feel bad because uh again like i don't ever want to be a party pooper in certain situations but and this isn't like just a me perspective i've heard this from a lot of people there are certain points where when it becomes like just about content um and not about competitive integrity at all in the sense that people make exceptions for others for content reasons or whatever else it is it starts to feel bad for those that feel like they're the butt of the joke like if they're on a certain team and they're trying and then they see someone give like make an exception for someone for clout reasons or like give them benefits within the game for that reason i understand why like it would feel less fun for the person playing and i think the issue in those situations like you can do things for content as much as you want but when it's like team based and there's other people involved it will be at the detriment of someone else likely so i just wish it was a situation where like you could do stupid things for content and it doesn't like hurt or bother anyone but in in like a game or team driven sense it's kind of impossible you know yeah what did you think of those things well well all of this is going on don't forget these are still these are your friends so yeah so it's also like you don't want to like you don't be like yay when did you do that yeah like if you were playing random you'd be like yo bro what the [ __ ] man i was like oh this is your friend that you're gonna see next week at someone's birthday party so you have to balance that with like your approach to it have you ever had like confrontations with like people in our friend group about stuff like that do you because no i think i've only ever confronted people about uh like personal things when it when it comes to among us like let's say somebody did do something that i wasn't a fan of content-wise or it made me feel bad or whatever again i don't have like a super deep relationship with everybody i would only be bothered if it like felt personal on a certain level and i have no way of gauging is everybody else in the lobby okay with this so if i assume that that's the case uh which i usually will then i won't confront someone because it's like maybe i'm maybe i'm like pet peeved about something you did but maybe everybody else doesn't care and i don't want to be a party pooper someone would say anything but if i have like a deep friendship with someone and they do or say something that bothers me then maybe if i feel like it's personal have you ever you know oh stop you ruin them um i remember [Music] i could probably tell this it's not a big deal it was a year ago but i remember um yelling is a strong word i remember chastising cycuno because uh he was on cams and he was reading his chat thanking he was thanking subs he wasn't reading chat but like he was thinking hey thanks for selling because he gets a lot of subs right and it's the funniest thing because on the camera you see me standing there and someone just walks by stabs me and then leaves and he's he's thanking subs and then he looks back it's like oh my god toast is dead and i just remember like sending him a message like bro what the hell okay but you're competitive as [ __ ] too yeah you're saying it like it's just me but it's not we see it in each other yeah like i i also like the the actual effort part of it right yeah same so i remember saying that and maybe i should have have i don't know i think there was a better way for me to do it because i did it like right in the middle of the game and it kind of like threw him off a little bit but yeah i'm similar where i don't like it when not everyone's trying their best right but you just gotta find when things feel fair yeah and fun like again everybody same effort same playing field but i i understand maybe that's not always best for content or memeing or whatever yeah there's almost like two groups of gamers nowadays when it comes to streamers people who are just there for some content fun they play like chiller games like speedrunners mario party but they don't really try like okay like silently okay but that's tough because like i never felt like i was like a ha foo lobby type of person but i also like don't just want to be in lobbies we're like nobody cares and we're all just i don't know yeah so it's a little hard when you want to be like a mix or you feel like you're a mix i've been doing a sensa since among us playing live valentine's day i just i really love like i have a great time on valerie um but again like i'll have a great time on whatever is fun do you feel any burnout or anxiety because you've been a little quiet like everyone else in the last six months um i think i think i've just accepted that there are like high points in this career and like more dull chill moments but instead of looking at doll moments like oh my god my numbers aren't as high as among those days instead of doing that i kind of take it like a half vacation like i'm just gonna play some variant hang out with my friends do what i want i think in general in life i've taken a bit of a chill pill so that's how i feel right now as as opposed to burnout it comes and goes sometimes right now i'm pretty chill like i'm very glad that i like valerant but if i didn't can't travel can't do anything else don't want to play random games i would very much feel burnt out what makes you happy what makes pokeman happy uh what makes you happy what makes me happy uh still content um [Music] i like it when my videos hit like a million views it's i'm still very numbers driven and uh do you like that yes yes i like the grind it's stressful and anxiety but it's competitive and i'm a very competitive streamer but because i've been on a different platform i could kind of take a vacation so whenever i return to like if i return to any uh other streaming platforms i think of about like competing but i'm also worried that it changes my relationship with people again because right now i'm on a good relationship basis with almost everyone because you don't have to see anyone as competition yes like i don't know but if you were on the same platform yeah like i would think twice about like okay should i invite this person well they have very little viewership but i like them but is it gonna affect like the numbers overall or like if i invited really big streamers like uh am i gonna be able to get some of their viewers or will my viewers go to them and these are things you kind of have to think about like it's not sunshine and rainbows let me just play with my friends right um i don't have to think about that on facebook but if i was on twitch then it adds that layer and i want to be my competitors right um when me and skara was streaming tft together what a crazy time it was nice because i was able to like host into him because he streamed after me and we had a share overlapping audience they were all watching tft but it also felt a little bad because i know like here's my friend who also wants to be like the top of the top right and that person is me and like we're competing for one and two but we're roommates and we love each other and we care so much and it makes me if it was anyone else i feel like [ __ ] you i'm never hosting you i'm gonna stream over your time like i streamed over every tft streamer's time slots but scarra's and that's so cute i've been on facebook for two years and i've just been gaming with people and i worry that when i come back it's like hey all of you [ __ ] all of you i'm here to take your viewers now right so yeah i still care about the numbers a lot and that's what makes me happy it's not dr k says there's something not really fulfilling about that but what does he know i mean to be fair he does have like a phd and he went to harvard so he probably knows a couple things but i think um the thing that keeps me from worrying about you in the same way that i worry about other people that view things similarly is that i feel like you are very self-aware of it um and it's upsides and downsides so i assume that if there was a reason for you to change someday like you would um and i do feel like you could probably get to a point where it just doesn't tickle your fancy anymore yeah you'll just be a little desensitized um i think personally like i've been a bit burned by there being like too much attention on me so now i'm just like ultimately it doesn't matter that much to me like i'd rather just find genuine happiness in like day-to-day things what is genuine happiness oh actually another thing about competitive streaming in relation to one of the s prompts from earlier i think my biggest fear is developing some kind of like crazy health issue or really really cutting off many years off my life due to what we do like i think that's my biggest fear so that's also something that creates a barrier around me viewing streaming as like being competitive because i understand like if you want to be an xqc or a hassan or whatever like you stream 10 hours a day you do 24 hour streams i legit don't i'm not built like that bro i'm not yeah because there's no we are like essentially the first of our generation like the hardcore streamer i know there are people who stream before us but they are more chill like five six hours at most but this new generation of streamers where people realize oh to be the top you have to like be entertaining and stream a [ __ ] ton so it's caffeine 12-hour streams or whatever else is stimulating you and you're just going going going going but like is it even possible to do that without health repercussions i have no idea do you think so on the long the hardcore long hour streamers are on anything adderall for sure probably sorry maybe i shouldn't say it on podcast but like people take out i'll say it people take adam don't don't do that like you if you don't do not have add or adhd or don't need those medications don't take them because i at least personally i don't find something like that is worth potentially changing the way your brain is wired essentially yeah it's a prescribed drug for a reason yes exactly but yeah i have to imagine like some streamers who stream like 16 hours a day a couple of them must be on something that's nice i don't think they've even said it before though i don't want to speak for people because okay sorry this is another problem i have with knowing so many streamers i hear about things and i cannot remember whether they said it on stream whether i heard from someone whether they told me personally like i still forget and the other thing is maybe i assume you guys probably both feel this way you hear so much from your friends about everyone else it's almost like i can't view people the same way anymore i have to start like compartmentalizing people it's information overload but what i mean to say is whether i heard it you know personally or i'm pretty sure people have said this on stream that like they just take at all every day but they think that like it's worth it yeah yeah you gotta please only take prescribed meds if you're prescribed that's what i'd recommend we don't really know the effects of long-term streaming like carpal tunnel i think is the obvious one yeah but i feel like it's got to be way more yeah but like you're just sitting hunched over your desk staring at a screen for 16 hours talking non-stop non-stop yeah like sometimes i worry my voice is gonna change from talking so much yeah and so i sit at home and i'm like you need to shut the [ __ ] up do you have any uh aspirations like mine is being in hollywood what's your aspirations it's funny when you say aspirations i just hear like ass and i'm like i want a fat that's my aspiration compare our butts oh my god we do yeah yeah we need some measuring tape this is a convo from like a very long time ago oh wait whose asses fatter me or pokies definitely mine this was like a debate or something yeah yes you guys okay because no he he do be double cheeked up on a tuesday or thursday or whatever all all days of the week but that doesn't mean camp class is me bro we have tapers here we can do this we can measure no the debate needs to be settled yeah 100 gifted if you're back on another streaming platform because i'm very proud of my ass i've shown it i'm glad you are do you work for it is it just like no it's natural like it's just always been that has it gotten better or worse since you started dreaming i think worse because i've lost some weight and because my ass is all fat and natural i think a lot of it is just regular fat do you work on your ass yeah oh my god i need to show you because if like you're naturally gifted this is the way that i think of like making a butt in the gym it's almost like real estate if you have a nice plot of land you can build bigger and higher yeah so if you're already naturally gifted you got a nice foundation the games will only be better and bigger yeah you're gonna be on some kim k stuff let's go toes how do you how do you work out your ass is there muscles in there that you make bigger yes not only that there are different muscles there are muscles that make like your the side of your butt poke out there's like the majority muscle that make it that makes like more bubble-ish and then there's like your hamstrings to like create definition your quads can sometimes even like make you look curvier i need to show you all you need is hip thrusts bro i was going to say test if you do hip thrust pokey you'll have to describe or something but you like like feet are here knees there and then you go like that with your hips that's really good for your glutes i hope that doesn't look weird on that camera you might have to flirt it down yeah you're just catching it you're just humping the air pretty essentially yes yes absolutely but that builds your glutes like no other got it and that's that's your aspirations to have a fat ass i'm just making a joke about the word but my actual aspirations um i think like clout is cool and all but um i'd like to have more like meaningful impact in some way what that means exactly i'm not entirely sure i feel like i explore it more and more with every year and with as you know my company coming out that'll be a way to explore it so we'll see where life takes me do you want like a family and kids yeah because like sometimes i feel like that is an important like differentiating factor sometimes in people's lives like i do want a family and kids oh my god i guess that's something i aspire to yeah i think people are now offering just doesn't have time to think about family and kids because they're going to detract from streaming yes but then like if you have if you don't take the time to think about anything nothing in your life will ever change because you need to think about it in order to set time aside to do something to accomplish anything no i could see that though we're all just 40 playing among us yeah like for the next two years i don't see any of us stopping what we're doing but yeah like family kids we don't really think about that we're just so fixated like streaming is a bit of a trap sometimes yeah but it keeps you in here do you ever think like is this fixation my choice yeah i think it's hard like it's easier when you're like near the top like it's pretty easy for me to detach from and not worry about too much because i know like if i ever want to get back into it i could but when you're in the mid tier and all your friends are talking about like oh streaming i'm doing collab here i'm doing a stream here and you're like oh god i need to do a stream there like if you're out and about and someone what's up their vlog cameras like oh god they're well i need a vlog and it's just this like we're feeding into each other now i almost feel bad i don't want to make any of our friends feel like they need to do anything you know what i mean i don't want to impose on them any sort of expectations or feelings of inadequacy either um sometimes i worry about that like do you feel like do you feel like i'm intimidating yes you're the most intimidating person in our friends one of the more intimidating ones do you feel like me or you are intimidating or that people are intimidated because the differentiation i'm trying to make is like if i do anything to intimidate others i would want to know that like if i like show up in a room and i'm like mean mugging everybody don't talk to me you know like if that's what i do then i wouldn't want to do that how do you view it i think you're someone you mentioned this you're someone with expectations of people based on friendship not as like you gotta do this you gotta do this you gotta do this but like when you you when you put someone like in higher regards it means a lot to you and when they fail to meet like the same regard that you're giving them like it pain it hurts you a lot but a lot of people don't know or aren't super aware of it um so i think that's what's intimidating about youtube people you because you've always been very nice to people in person like especially fans for those who don't know pokemane when it comes to fans first-hand witness she's not a [ __ ] she's not diva she makes an effort but she'll say like hey oh i remember this at twitchcon where we were rushing to a place and most people just don't have the balls to say no sorry you know i gotta go but i remember you took some pictures but then it was getting too much and you just say hey guys i just i can't you know i love all of you and you you went right shall we um so yo is very nice but it's that i liken you to some like a daenerys targaryen where people love you but there's also a sense i want them to fear me as much as they love me but also love me a lot i get what you mean um and i can see that and i hope that the people that i do hold in high regards realize that it's like it's because i would kill for you so if you don't kill for me what are we um but i'm also curious about people that like i'm just not that close to sometimes i worry that people find me intimidating just because of like our work differences our viewership difference but that is something that i do not care about at all if anything i think i love people when they are unafraid of me when voters like come to me act like who they are don't care about anything i find that very like amicable or i just like it do you like it when they're a little afraid of you um i wouldn't say i like it per se but if it's due to the right reasons i will find that flattering you know to be afraid of you if it's for the right reasons you know i would hope it's not anything that i impose on them but if they're like oh my god like i just think so highly of you it almost scares me i'm like oh like that's kind of cute yeah yeah um what about you i i think you are also like it's funny because i can i can imagine people having similar sentiments towards us both due to like also the positions we hold in our friend group but the way we are in social circles is so different it's like really interesting toast is like elusive mysterious he comes in and out like a cat that you really want to like you but you can't [ __ ] tell if they do that's toast me i'm like everybody talking to everybody yeah yeah we are very i fee i feel like we are very similar in regards to our prestige but different in how we show it with our friend group because i can say this in meetings there's this good cop bad cop pokemane is bad cop and i'm good cop and i don't know if you'd be good cop i don't know if anyone in particular is good cop but i think i do tend to be like devil's advocate i'm very straightforward about stuff and i always say it's like a hard road to be to be like the bad cop to be the quote-unquote party pooper but i have to be a hard-ass sometimes but it's because like i've been with otv literally since day one obviously and i've seen us be hurt by so many things i just don't want to hurt anymore man yeah and it's tough because you want everyone to get along but there are things that should be said and someone's got to say them right and you generally take on that responsibility it's like wow wow i can't believe she said that but i'm also glad she said that so i'm not the one saying that yeah no it's it's really just because there are so many times where i've seen us get very swept up in the yes okay anything yes okay anything and it always bites us in the ass well almost always um yeah and it's been tough even personally for me to be like should i like still try to like be bad cop or play devil's advocate or like explain why certain things maybe aren't good even if it's the easiest thing um but as long as like i feel like it's something you guys appreciate or that is needed then i'm happy to do that for the betterment of the whole yeah yeah but do i answer your questions i do like i like it when they're little fearful like if i can't have their love i would rather have their fear right would you rather have their love or their fear i think it it probably depends on the person depends on the person like some people our friend grab it like i would i want you to be afraid [Laughter] why is that maybe it like showcases a sense of respect yeah and also some people are just more um likely to overstep boundaries or make mistakes and i want to be able to like can i call them out on it without that complication of liking the person so and um people do try and be my friend and i keep them at arm's length like you know i like you but you know i don't show my friendship in a conventional manner like people don't really hug me or like i don't show love very openly um it's so that when you do get a toast hug it's a good day you know yeah but like when someone messes up and i have to be the one to send them a message and like say hey you know this was not very cool like you [ __ ] up it's really wait can we just take a moment imagine getting that message from toast i had to pee my pants on the spot uh i think i've ah i've sent it to i've sent it to peter once i sent it to you guys once and in both cases like a month after i'd be like oh man i feel really bad because [Music] that's not a great way to form a friendship but at the same time it's like i don't know i i feel like i don't have to be as harsh as i am sometimes but but it's probably hard for you to imagine a different way of going about it yeah because who who else will have those convos that's how i feel about being bad cop sometimes yeah cause especially with girls because girls i think is a little more complicated because you're expected to be like hey we're all friends everything's cool we all love each other best friends but and very non-confrontational i think the girls are way more non-confrontational than the guys so as one of the more forward girls i imagine it's really hard for you to just mess with someone's like hey can we talk it's like oh my god what's what's happening yeah interestingly enough i think with business and like probably as you've seen like i'm i'm pretty straightforward about stuff but when it comes to personal relationships from what i've seen and heard i feel like i'm much more considerate and emotionally aware than a lot of other people so it's like i will confront people about things but i won't like that doesn't mean that i have to do it in a mean way especially if i care about them especially if they're like a girlfriend of mine i actually feel like the standards are like celine you know like you can imagine the convos we have with each other like they're never ever mean or bitter it's like hey you did this and i don't know how i feel about it oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't mean to and i am so i want you to know that i care about you you know it's it's very very cutesy in that regard which i appreciate but then with business i'm like this is clear cut done have you ever yelled at someone before over a message or in person in person like yeah audibly that yelled at them you know who but they yell at me i mean you'll have to bleep it or whatever [ __ ] crazy he had anger management issues he would this one time he literally hit the chair that i was sitting in because he was mad at me for not like going somewhere and that's when i'm like what the [ __ ] so maybe like a couple yelling times there but even then not that much never do it in like a business sense hmm harry yell in a business setting i think do you recall me yelling in meetings no no really not meetings yeah um i can't imagine a situation that i'd be yelling because i have like an agent and a manager and you know like when it comes like there's a company or sponsor and then there's agent manager they have to be the bad guys thank the good lord so i think you have to be like oh sweet innocent content creator and in that position and then i just tell them all the things that i feel and then they can yell for me if need be but even then i feel like there's no reason to yell in business like if someone doesn't respect me enough to conduct themselves properly deuces have you yelled uh once oh what was it um it was at my agent um because i had a sponsorship and dedicated youtube videos is probably one of the biggest like thing you can do for a sponsor yeah it lives on your youtube it's an entire video dedicated to something that's not your regular content lives there forever right and impacts the algorithm sometimes yeah because you're going off your regular content and he left out a whole dedicated video deliverable and this contract was signed set in stone and i already did 80 off it and at the very end he said by the way you need to do another whole youtube video and that didn't set me off but in the back of my head like this is a huge huge [ __ ] up but i didn't say anything and i just did it and then after that there was another mistake and i s snapped and i yelled at him like full volume and swore and i'd paid to see that i felt really bad afterwards uh surely we ended our relationship but yeah um yeah that's the one time i yelled in the business or um in any setting because i feel like yelling is really not conducive to much too yeah yeah nothing is made better by yelling yelling is just like it's just like it's a way you release your anger almost yeah it won't fix it but it for sure makes the situation worse i think that's why it's so hard for me to remember moments where i yell there's plenty of moments where i am very bothered by someone being incompetent i think that's my number one trigger actually when i hire someone and i feel any sense of yeah than being incompetent like if i can do your job better than you this no bueno so i i won't lie i feel that sentiment a lot but um i never yell at them for it just because in my mind it's like they're not going to do any better by me yelling so do you give them that i'm kind of disappointed by this yeah i'll hit him with a disappointment that one's a good one it triggers the parental feelings um i just i communicate probably too much like again just very confrontational i'll be like i feel like you should have done this and i'm very straightforward about every time that i feel that way so that i make sure they get the hint yeah that's life yeah that's how you gotta do it all right i think i mean i don't know how we are up for time we're like 1 30 we'll be at wow it's because we don't get to talk that often i know there's so much to talk about we really do the only other thing that i thought might be interesting was like the relationship stuff i think oh see i don't bring it up i'm just so i'm glad you've brought it up oh listen toast i came here to be an open guest ask me the spicy stuff all right so from all the years i've known you you've been very very like low-key about you know your personal relationship dating anything regarding that because you've seen firsthand just how messy things get yeah um do you still feel similarly as you did you know all those years ago where you feel like anything i do relationship wise or even like shipping or like flirting has to be kept under wraps or are you more open to talking about stuff like that now um i actually i'm more curious to hear from you first and then i'll talk yeah how do you feel about it all because you we're on complete and opposite ends of the spectrum you've had a very public relationship you've seen the ups of it the downs of it now how do you feel about moving forward it's hard right um probably wouldn't talk okay so this is the weird thing relationship content does very well like bfgf stuff or every even just like flirting or the beginning of like shipping content-wise or you know dating shows like tinder swiping right swiping left right these are all things you can do when you're single and people love it because there's a lot lonely people out there living vicariously through their favorite stream whatever but it's and it's like it's cool when you're in it's exciting it's like wow you know so much people are paying attention right but it makes it's hard to be genuine at some point you don't know like am i doing this because where the line is yeah it's like when we do stuff it's like why is one of the first questions like are we streaming this and you want to go on a date you want to grab dinner and say hey maybe we should vlog it it's like it's not a normal relationship and [Music] i don't know if there's a lot of can you think of a lot like public streamers where both participants are like big streamers and it's successful probably just lead and cutie and even them like i think everything that they do is great but i'm sure they still have their struggles i don't mean personally but i'm sure they still feel some of the downsides of having a public personal relationship yeah because there's been um quite a few breakups over these last few months and every time there's thousands of people commenting on your relationships like oh wow why didn't it work out what do you think that is let's go back and look at all these clips from the past and commentate on it oh that's so cringe um i probably keep my stuff private very just like not talk about it um if i was like seeing someone i felt like if i wasn't seeing someone that i'd probably just go to the i'm single and girls want to link up i went through that phase for a while and then i just completely stopped because i realized 60 of my tweets was talking about like girls and that does give off an error off like oh man do you talk about anything else bro so after i had the realization i decided to just never tweet about girls or like relationships or anything like that it's gets good engagement it's funny but um you don't want your brand to be build off that or like your reputation yeah what people know you for that's true and also started affecting the girls that i didn't i was like no one wants no one wants to date a guy who only talks about them yes that's true and the girls who would be interested in that probably aren't the girls you want to talk to anyway so yeah very very very true what about you how has your perspective changed hmm i think in the past okay when i first got into streaming even like baby streamer part-time still in college whatever i was like i don't ever want to publicize my relationship with someone else within the space because i don't ever want that to be used against me to invalidate my success and then i became very successful and people invalidated it anyway so but um i actually don't think that's the worst thing because that's probably one of the things you don't hear as much like sometimes you'll hear like fortnite myth this and that but like you just can't really say that i built all these channels and like my empire or whatever through someone else not even that that is necessarily like a bad thing if you get exposure through someone else that's totally fine but i just know that personally coming up or starting that was already like uh like a main point of mine where i was like i want to make it on my own yeah um so that's how i felt then but now i'm kind of at a point where it's like could could not it doesn't impact me that much like someone else being involved in my life isn't gonna like make or break me essentially so to be honest i have no idea what do you think you know if i start seeing so much right guys this is alexander that's my go-to name i don't know alexander is alexander i feel like when i get married then i'll be like this my hubs because it's forever so it's going to go from zero public exposure to by the way husband and pregnant i feel like that might actually be me but i'm just not 100 sure if like i should yeah at this point in my life like i'm mid-20s obviously comfortable talking about like past stuff uh only ambiguously so it depends what yeah i've been on a date in the last three years yeah how have you been on any bad dates because you've told some stories to me of like of you showing up to date and them dropping some bombs on you yes you want that story yeah okay i will try to tldr it so cause i have this thing with stories where like if i tell it at full i'm telling it essentially um i matched with this guy in a certain app and you use dating apps not anymore the okay in the past when i tried to use them i got banned off of every single one so this time specifically i was like i want to try a dating app specifically meant for like middle easterns because i'm moroccan and i've never really dated someone who's middle eastern so i was like let's let's see what this would be like maybe we'll have some cultural similarities be able to connect on that so i download this app called baklava which like the app's not bad but it was fine and i specifically like i made everything so sus so no one would like know right away that it's me i used photos i'd never posted before i i used photos like you can't fully see me like i'm hiking and it's like back of my head or whatever things like that so i didn't get like immediately yeted off the app like i usually do because apps usually think i'm catfishing myself which is such an odd problem to have so after a couple days of being on the app honestly i was just so overwhelmed have you used dating apps recently at all no not recently it's just a lot of work like even just thinking about whether you want to sweat and maybe it's just me i overthink things i'm like this person has no information do i want to be shallow and swipe based off of how they look should i give them a chance should i it's just too much decision making process so i decided to delete the app but before doing that there was one guy whose profile i liked and we matched and we talked a bit so i was like hey um i'm deleting the app but here's my number you can text me [Applause] a little move i said later but text me if you want um so he texts me we get to talking paula and he's like let me take you out to dinner i was like okay he's like let me take you to nobu i said okay if you don't know nobu's kind of like a fancy sushi place in la so we made plans for like four days later but in between us like starting to text and our date four days later this dude was mad texting me like mad and again i know like it's not that big of a deal you know maybe he's just really interested but i won't lie it just felt a little eager to me like it just gave me bad vibes of like this is not normal if like you just met someone you maybe don't ask them everything up through up front via text especially because to me i was like we have plans to like hang out in four days i'll get to know you then anyways so by the time the date night rolls by i'm like ee i i'm not really feeling like going i've been kind of put off by all the things he has said over text i even tried to drop hints like yo we're not gonna have anything to talk about at dinner if you don't stop asking me stuff it's like it felt like an interview via text but um he was like we're gonna be fine i really didn't feel like going to the date but i went anyways i show up he's uh and i get seated at our table and i'm like pleasantly surprised he's like tanned he's fit he's like pretty attractive i think he's like 29 or something um we get to talking we talk about everything on the face of the planet our past relationships our expectations literally family marriage um religion where we grew up the languages everything you could possibly imagine and things were going like pretty well i was like i'm pleasantly surprised is this what dating is like amazing we're an hour and a half in a dinner and he starts telling me about his ex-wife and two kids two kids huh two not even one of them two how old were they they're like i think like four and five so they're like a little grown up they're grown yeah just kidding but um i was just like you know i did you know which gif i'm talking about the one that's like this that um and i had to process on the spot like would i be okay with dating someone with kids what does that mean do i have an issue with that do i not it was just like a lot to take in at once but ultimately what i was really bothered by was just like how are you gonna text me non-stop for four days tell me so much about your life your business like i felt like i could interview at his company and like ace it but then you don't mention your kids whatsoever until like all the way after and i understand it must be hard for people with kids to date yeah but i guess it's just my personal opinion that like i would be so much more attracted to someone if they were really upfront about it they're like i love my kids i'm a great dad as opposed to like let me mention it later to try to like hook you in first yeah because this was a couple of years ago you were like 24. oh no no this happened this happened like within the last year last year yeah so 24. i was 24 yeah yeah dude to come make that decision i'm 24 years old am i gonna be able to be essentially a surrogate mother to a four or five year old it's a big decision to make and i mean if i was in his shoes i would only want to be with someone that i knew would be okay with that i feel like duping someone into it will just create like a foundation of uncertainty within the relationship anyways so yeah it was just like an awkward situation all in all like on my profile page it's three photos of me and my cat right and it's like on his it's all just solo shots and on his instagram solo shots on like he looks so single bachelor no kids whatsoever so yeah that's that was my one like random dating experience and since then it's been a little quiet my switch was life okay oh that's i didn't expect that because like you being able to tell a story because i wanted to tell this story in a short form and i still couldn't like i'm just that's as short as it gets too really though yeah it's i'm glad to see that you are a little more open with that because i think if you told if you talked about dating like two three years ago i can imagine the reaction be like oh pokemon is like seeing other people and then people will make fun of the sims they say oh all the sims are gonna unsubscribe it's like no yeah they're making up all these imaginary scenarios and like laughing at it right yeah but it's just like drama for no reason whereas like i am a regular 25 year old just like any other one so cool i'm glad i love hearing that story i will tell you many more stories then and uh you can give me dating advice in the future we're like you know what oh go public you know what don't i don't freaking know yeah but uh lisa have friends to go on this journey with yeah all right you know we did a viewer question last week yeah and you know pokeman is great at giving advice remember dr pokey yeah do that again soon i think all right we have one viewer question potaby i met this single girl a few weeks ago and we really hit it off hanging out every couple days just one-on-one and she always steers the conversation towards relationship topics and feels flirty she asked if i had a crush on anyone and i told her i liked her but she had she said she had to collect her thoughts before responding but she hasn't brought it up since then and we've been talking like usual thoughts on the situation and how should i go about this moving forward look this [ __ ] baited you all right look thanks for watching yo i used to i used to be a bit of an so i'm not anymore i'm recovering um but like don't worry he still relapses sometimes it's crazy it's coming out now i'm fighting it how do you hang out with a guy one on one talk about relationship and then say hey you got crush on anyone hot there is some ambiguity there like you can hang out with guys one on one again we don't know how dry or like exciting this really was in the sense that you know things are very like subjective you could think she's giving you all these signs and she's just smiling yeah like it's very very subjective in that sense however i actually think like he's right when he says like hanging out one-on-one relationships topics feeling sorry because when he brought up how he felt she didn't say she didn't feel the same so i don't think he was fully misreading the situation i just think it's time that you prepare kindly prepare a way to bring it up if she was interested why didn't she just say yeah i do have a crush maybe she was gaging it and then as soon as he was like i like you which honestly like damn ballsy i thought he was gonna be like oh like i said i like someone but i didn't tell her you know oh there's this girl i like she's really cool we hang out sometimes you know i feel like maybe she was she was expecting that so she was surprised by how straightforward he was so i would say what i love is like anytime you're unsure about an interaction just prep the [ __ ] out of it literally sit there with a pen and paper and be like how will i bring this up hello um what's a good girl name ashley that's like a hot girl name [ __ ] she gonna break your heart anyways hello ashley you're like mid convo it's going blah blah by the way very casually um i was wondering if you had some time to think about what we mentioned during our last hangout boom that's it and then you're opening up the dialogue and i also encourage you to think through some possible things she would say some things you could rebuttal with how to move the conversation along yeah she just likes the attention of my guy she's just using you to feed her ego insults they are there and saltos there i mean let me wait kate let me give you some hope though i feel like if that was the case she would have just said no she got what she wanted the attention knowing that he likes her well for her to say i'm not sure potential but it's also hard to say that when you're alone in a room with a guy say hey do you like me it takes a strong woman to be like no what does it say about me if like i would for sure say no because you're a strong woman i'm just confrontational but do you like i feel like having someone's um like being someone's crush is like a responsibility yeah like you owe them to be straightforward with them so yeah i guess that's how i usually see it but yeah you you should find out though like follow up you just gotta ask again you'll never know because we can't tell you for sure how she feels it could really go either way maybe she did just want the attention but maybe she's just shy she really likes you but she just had to think it through yeah don't come out the gate accusing her of you stringing me along man yes very important you're gonna ruin your chances instantly but you gotta be like if you like her and you don't want like this wishiwashi friendzone thing it is your responsibility hey you know i really like you and i want to figure things out so like i need a more clear answers like is it a possibility like you don't want to be stuck in this all right let's never talk about it but we're still hanging out one-on-one but you don't want to you're you're not into me what do you think broden give her an ultimatum is that what you would do i i would do like what pokey said i would be like i'm trying to imagine what he would say tell me now or i will murder your cat like i yeah you bring it up casual bring it up in a way that it's like no stress and no yes whatever answer is gonna be fine actually one of my favorite like conversation hack tips for that is a way to really get an answer out of someone and to gauge how they feel about something is you tell them hey i just wanted to see about xyz do you want to blah blah or and you say the opposing option and you make it very clear that that opposing option is okay let me explain let's say you and someone like have plans to hang out but you feel like they're not really like they don't want to anymore or whether it's liking someone whatever you say hey do you still want to hang out or do you want to maybe do something another time or whatever and like don't worry like it's really not a big deal if you make the other option um like equally appealing and make it clear that it doesn't matter to you which way they choose then they'll be honest with you but if you just say do you want to x sometimes like oh god i feel pressured to say yes but if you say both options and they're totally fine even if deep down you would cry if she said no you gotta pretend that you don't care and then she'll tell you the truth but i don't want to hang out i don't like you if you don't like me it's totally okay we can still be friends and then you cry yeah you cry anyways yeah because looking at the situation now it feels like a friend zone undefined thing and he is gonna like bother him so you know i've seen things go all sorts of ways yeah so yeah it's a lot of times you get them answers in a nice oh sorry in a nice nonchalant stressful free way yeah i have seen a lot of times a guy gets too demanding and then it's just over with yes yes so it is really really good rule of thumb to never ever put pressure when you're asking these sorts of things yeah or demand an answer by a certain date oh my god a guy did that to me once oh how'd that work out yeah i specifically have a thing where if someone puts pressure on me sometimes even when it's a thing that's like good for me i'll be like oh you think you can make me do something no like i will just back the f off as soon as i feel any sort of pressure like that all right so definitely don't demand or pressure her or anything but you gotta find out right yeah have expectations so you're not gonna update it's like i listened to toast and told her to [ __ ] up and now i'm crying oh i listened to it i listened to pokey and i asked kindly and now we're married with three kids yeah and i pick a fence and a golden retriever so it's better than a no and honestly if she didn't like you she could just not hang out with you right yeah so you have a chance but you get good luck yeah follow it all right that was fun that was very fun i'm very invested in uh if he turns out to be like uh same because like i get no straightforward reads from this yeah it's like it could go either way yeah if you guys want to leave more questions leave it in on the youtube comments or the reddit thread yeah where do you get these from i think this one was from the reddit thread on r slash offline tv the most poppin subreddit there ever was yes what she said all right you know i think uh that's a good one to end up great i had a great time i really enjoy talking to you too i'm happy to be on the podcast anytime yeah or to just talk anytime talk talk [ __ ] about people thank you all so much for uh watching the podcast hope you guys are having a nice drive home or if you're doing your homework when do you listen to podcasts during anything i'll shower and listen to a podcast a lot do my hair do my makeup clean oh if you're showering scrub your butt do you scrub your butt yeah do you use a bidet i don't have one in my current apartment very sad stuff yeah i i i use a bidet no no no i feel like the bidet is too messy i have to use wet wipes instead all right life thank you for watching now you know how we clean our buses thanks we talk about asses a lot okay sorry bye guys bye-bye we'll measure ours in the next one in the next one yeah so now we're baiting them to what to listen to our next duo podcast and then we can clickbait it yes perfect sounds good so bring the measuring tape then

Channel: OfflineTV Podcast

Views: 1,427,085

Keywords: OfflineTV, OTV, Offline TV, OfflineTV Podcast, OTV Podcast, Podcast, Pokimane, Poki, Lilypichu, Lily, DisguisedToast, Toast, Scarra, twitch, streaming, streamers, games, michael, michael reeves

Id: oob3wZV4FNs

Length: 114min 24sec (6864 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 21 2021