Love Languages | Men's Round Table | A Black Love Series

there's a balance mm-hmm um you know she has the freedom to go out and audition and you know do that stuff i make sure that everything is taken care of right whenever she starts booking the eight or nine years at national commercials then i'm gonna sit back and be like your turn right does anyone want to jump in on that love language one time there's different types of way to love right there there's actually personal touch right acts of service and personal attention okay i need you to explain i just need my wife to touch me okay that's it as i said so touch like you look at the camera he helps you watch it right but yeah quality time is one that's important to me yeah um i i loathe when i'm having a conversation with somebody and they're texting because i know you're not giving me your undivided attention right and i'm the type of person that will give you my exactly yeah exactly i'm the type that'll give you my undivided so if you're not doing the same then especially significant other man oh absolutely and then they pretend like they can hear everything you're saying yeah process it's impossible uh-huh no i i i'm listening yeah gotcha okay okay okay okay what now so it's is disrespectful yeah right and so that's something i've had to my wife and i have have had to work through um since you know before you guys both do business together you guys both entrepreneurs like no so so she's in the industry she sings models acts and i'm a corporate sales professional so there's a balance um you know she has the freedom to go out and audition and you know do that stuff i make sure that everything is taken care of right whenever she starts booking the eight or nine years at national commercials then i'm gonna sit back and be like okay your turn status right hey we talked about having the woman earn more money i would welcome that opportunity because like i said i mean as long as she uh if she make more money if she had the same thought process as you have like of course because like i said you know it's all it's all coming it's all coming to the same place right it's a collective because we're gonna get more money and be like so we're just gonna spend all my money like but we don't think that way right you know what i mean not to give up not to get back on finances i'm just saying that's not there's nothing wrong with being on finance but i think that's good that's good that's real but but that's also i i think people that look at couples that look at finances separately would be more inclined to to deal with with that issue as opposed to one that has already developed a situation yes a system where we look at everything collectively so if she gets you know we have a year where she can you know tear it up in hollywood and and everything is good that's right and i can chill at home and make sure that the kids are taken care of i would welcome yeah that's right there is no pride that would go with that what's your love language man cause you relationship just communication like i i never like if you know when my girl if she's sad or she going through something she can't talk about it like i just because that can go for days and weeks and of just being quiet and not that's not communicating verbally yeah it's just it weigh on you especially as a man when your woman not talking to you like your day can go bad everybody knows that so like communication i tell my so when when i first got with her i i really told her look this is me this is what i like in a woman and i didn't sugarcoat anything because the games people play in relationships is too much sometimes it's too heavy especially in the beginning obviously so what happens with that is when you just honest and truthful with the person it helps so i communicated very well with her what i've been through the type of girl that i like now a woman and where we can go if we just do this and it's not controlling it's just communication so now if you know if she's heard about something she'll tell me like don't wait and until two weeks from now and be like oh i went through this because at that at that moment i'm not gonna care really it's two weeks later so we could talk about it even even the best time to talk about some something sometime believe it or not is in your emotions because it can get height like the height can go up of of how loud you communicate how much you argue but something is going to get accomplished right there but if you wait too late it's not it's going to be like well you know at that moment i was just thinking about this and that but if you talk about it when it's going on i'm telling you it will really help the the whatever the problem is but sometimes people just shut down yeah and shutting down is not healthy period i just communication man is everything i think that's part of the social conditioning that some people have you know i i grew up in a um in an environment where certain problems are talked about if that problem affects everybody we talk about it it doesn't then you don't talk about that wow and it's not that wasn't a rule it's just that's just the way that it was now i don't know all the five love languages because i feel like there are more than just five in the way that i love i have this i love making people laugh you know i know right now i may seem a little serious in this roundtable but i am the biggest nerd in goofball i'm gonna play pranks i'm gonna crack jokes i'm gonna tell you crazy stories i'll tell you what will happen in my day my one of my love languages is making you laugh whether you my best friend that i play college ball with or if you're my little sister or my significant other also i i like physical touch but too much of it it's like a cat you know you're rubbing a cat and after a while they're like all right that's enough you know it's sometimes it can be a little too much um you know i you know i had um a rough time dealing with uh that wonderful creature that we call a woman because i didn't know how to understand her so my loving skills are like yeah you and you never will don't go right you never will because you are not you know it's like i don't know what it feels to be seven and a half feet tall and i never will because i'm not but i'm just using a crude example but um you know one of my love languages excuse me is laughter and communication is definitely key i don't know if these other love languages so anybody out there excuse me if i'm getting them wrong i'm one who who grew up with a lot of conformity and a lot of rules and a lot of stringent uh guidelines i i am more uh having a more of an amiibo type of a approach to things is fluid like i'm more natural nature doesn't uh go with rules and stringent lines and angles and things like that i like things to be fluent which is why i communicate and i can to your point okay um sometimes being in your emotions when you communicate in one of your love languages if you you or you any of you do some say we all best friends right and i have something that is very near and dear to me but it's personal and it's private and it hurts when you bring it up and you make a joke about it in front of somebody that i don't know i'm getting that look like kay yeah yeah what are you doing bro you know because if i say okay come on man don't don't josh me like that no i'm gonna let you know hey man that ain't cool bro because if you don't do that be honest with yourself but honest with that other person like hey man that's not what we do yeah and and with that level of communication sometimes i've been told in relationships or dating that i'm intimidating because of my size my voice my stature and the way i look they say the look on my face it's like a look of death and someone that i had looked at the woman that i dated one time she just really started talking about some private stuff to people when i say come here for a second what are you doing you know i gave her that look like why would you do that to me you know what i'm saying she was like what's wrong with you i was like that's not for everybody to know and you don't do that personally it's personal and she understood i'm like don't spread my business you know and she was like i'm sorry i'm like and i had to back up but it was like that was i told you that incompetence you don't do that to me you know you don't want me spreading your business so trust me so so going to your point with the with the emotionality that comes with relationships whether you're married or in a relationship or recently out of a single um you know you have to that that level of communication will let you know up front if you're open with your honest with yourself and upfront with communication let you know if that's the person you need to be with because if you have a problem with me expressing myself within this situation where you should know better then now i know better yeah right 100 will respect wow tell me about that language um communication was my weakest love language i will say that because uh for me coming from a military background everyone in my family is in the military aside from myself so we didn't talk about problems or issues but from the males that were my family the love language i was constantly displayed was being able to provide to where your significant other didn't have to worry about anything so my love language was more so to make sure we would always have food on the table we had a place anything you wanted to do actions actions yeah like anything you wanted to do i would bust my ass or i would work hard to uh i would work hard to make sure that we could do that and that it won't be a stress on your back um communication is one that i'm really working on because that was like a detriment to my previous relationship and i was aware of that but i was i was too selfish to like address it when i came to the end of my previous relationship um she told me that one of the biggest issues was my lack of communication my lack of just being verbally honest with what i wanted where were we at so like now post relationship um back again to therapy therapy has been able to help me be able to communicate more of what i'm feeling what what i want not being too afraid to say like you know i want to hit this level in our relationship before we do x y and z i wasn't doing that in my previous but i was always making sure like hey if we want to do something got it i got that right you know so hmm another thing that i found in recently um because i've been doing a lot of self realization self preparation self repair you know i'm saying you know having a lot having dealt with a lot of pain emotional and social pain which leads to physical pain and you're stressed out and stuff like you said get bound up in your back and your neck you know all that stuff you know cracking your neck and popping a lot you're probably dealing with some stress but being open with your communication within the emotionalities that are at play whether it's anger or sorrow or fear or happiness you allow the other person to not only see your vulnerabilities but it it it drops that wall that veil to where they can probably feel more comfortable because sometimes if you hold something in you know like your therapist you know he stands there and or sits there and stares at you yeah he doesn't say anything and you're like well i don't know what to say but if you know if you say hey yo you know i'm really sad right now and i i don't know why you're you're you're expressing something to someone and they may be sad at times too and the fact that you can open up and express that to them can afford them uh a chance to maybe drop down walls that they may have and be home with you i had a young lady that i dated once and uh i said well just do this and go over here because these people over here nosy and i don't like people in my business they can be saying stuff that ain't true and she said well why don't we do this because if we do that i'm just telling you right now tree tree is my nickname she said tree that makes me feel uncomfortable i've been hurt a lot and i don't do well with situations like that boom i knew exactly where she was coming from i understood and sometimes it's not about the emotion it's the it's the way it is it's understanding you know i'm saying if a child is screaming and crying because they're afraid of the dog you don't take them and put them in front of the dog you pick it up and say hey it's gonna be okay i understand right you know and then you make sure that that dog's not around right when that child is around because that traumatizes and terrifies the child so with me i had to learn to bring back my stuff because a lot of my stuff was i was small as a kid you know really scrawny you know and i got bullied and kicked on and talked about he's called me howdy duty you know and and and i grew up and i got bigger and started protecting myself you know right turn myself into this machine and that i found to be not only intimidating but debilitating to whatever relationship that's at play and i had it took me years to control that anger i had one sister she got in my face and she got right in my face and she said you are one angry blake blank blank blank blank and she stood right there in my face little bitty thing and i was like and the way she said it it just rang my bell and i was like and i did it because and i'm standing and i realized what my posture was right do you do you all remember the cartoon the hunchback of note yeah yeah when uh quasimodo didn't even know he had that dude by his shirt and was holding him up off the ground yeah and he said can you not put me down please he was like oh you don't realize what you're giving until someone really gets in your face and let you know what that is yeah i've been this monster that while i've had this monster that i keep in the basement at all times i keep him on the chain now i'm the only one with the key and i'm like you don't want to see that monster and i've been focusing on keeping that and turning it not letting you know i don't want to get rid of the monster it's a cool monster but i have to learn how to train my monster so that i can't i don't let that monster loose on someone that could possibly be the woman that brings me to my destiny as you said before so do you know where that monster like originally originated where it originates from oh yes i know my stuff and have you so back to the relationship like the reason why i was i used to have horrible communication and why i was i initially was afraid to have like a long significant relationship is because the first woman that i loved that we are supposed to love was our mom we had a terrible relationship i never wanted to have that so that happened to me as a child i carried that along with me for years and never addressed it and never thought that it would stem from a traumatic incident that i had with her as a kid i didn't really know i didn't notice that until i started going to therapy when the right questions are asked and a lot of times when you feel like going to like an aunt or uncle or something like that there's a lot of times those stories they don't want to unveil tests exactly but a therapist he doesn't care honestly what i feel like or or if i'm going to be embarrassed by him asking this question he has the freedom he has the objective ability to do that so that's why i think therapy may be good it may actually be able to help you find out what you really need to do to tame that beast behind you wow yeah you heard it here first this is i didn't say my love language but it is communication and i love touch all right thank you guys you

Channel: Black Love

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Keywords: black love, black love story, marriage, black marriage, our love story, celebrity couples, relationship advice, how we made it, black couples, black love and marriage, black men, men's round table, black men and therapy, mental health, self care, black men and self care, black men and mental health, black women, self development, black role models, love language

Id: _v6IGYHP0Jo

Length: 16min 15sec (975 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 01 2021