lol 2020 is weird

oh boy I chose a wrong year to get my together what's up Internet surprised to see me here well yeah I don't even know what's happening anymore these are my comments and feelings about 2020 anybody else feels very strange about this black mirror episode we all woken up too so today was actually my freakin birthday and celebrating it look like this it's been exactly 4 months since I posted on this one people were angry a lot and I mean so angry that they sat down and wrote several pages and wrote several pages of why I am an awful person now and mainly to my peel box and there was more than one person who did so ok that's that's completely fine I guess but my favorite part were the conspiracy theories I heard she has a sugar day now who pays for everything so now she can do her little art projects you know what I heard I heard that she's being forced into silence by someone she lives with you know what I also heard YouTube paid her to stop making that kind of content but seriously though guys the truth is far from what anybody who was guessing it's a lot more simple yet a lot more sinister than any of the guesses but I'm not gonna get into that just yet cuz I don't want to bring you down just yet so here's why I had to take this break from this channel which means yes I am back I will continue posting on this channel now but hear me out before you get all crazy in the comments again there are four qualities that I pride myself on that I've been trying to follow all my life and that is compassion creativity resilience and being honest to myself and others I never once thought when I was making videos oh I need to get this many subscribers and views on this video bah bah bah bah I didn't mean to say that you mean nothing to me you know so that was also an incredibly a lot of talk about me selling out who are these people I am selling out to please do tell me and where are my expensive things then because in my mind I thought surely people will understand that I could have easily taken advantage of the fact that I build my audience on certain type of videos and and now I can just like disregard that and do whatever I have won on this channel because I already have the numbers but instead of doing that I will move my content to a new channel so that anybody who wants to follow me on this journey can also follow me there and if not they can easily just walk away and forget about me but that is not exactly what happened a lot of people that in fact subscribe to my new channel just to tell me how much they hate my new content now which okay if that's how you want to spend your free time also the channel has been in good standing for several months so me chasing the green buttons that have an orange one because conspiracies know that that's also not what happened and also do I have to remind you that I didn't see any income from this channel until 2017 and I started making videos on YouTube in 2007 so I did this for free for 10 years then why the hell what I suddenly want to make it just as it does not compute in my brain why people thought that I was after money so here is what I think happened here a lot of people found my channel between 2017 and 2019 they watched a few videos they made up their minds about who I am as a person and who I should be based on their you know standards or whatever you want to call them and then when I didn't live up to their standards they they were shocked and I do not blame you for not watching any of my videos before you actually discovered my channel because that way you would know that this is the type of content I've been making all my life just look at these titles I mean this was all before you found my channel and it was right there in front of you for you to see believe it or not making videos is like therapy for me this is how I got through the worst years of my life when I was a teenager and child and it literally lets me forget about the outside world so if I was making videos about the outside world constantly I could not unplug you know and as much as sometimes YouTube makes me want to walk into traffic or like take a bath with a toaster I still love it a lot you know so I had to step away for a little bit to remind myself of why I even started this it's so funny because I made a vow to myself in the beginning of this year that I will no longer lock myself in the room and my content will not include outdoor clips I will travel explore I will go on adventures I will go backpacking through the States which I have planned on doing in June I had everything planned out and I was gonna record it and vlog it and film it in 2020 is gonna be the year of my life and I'm pretty sure a lot of people felt that and then the year 2020 was just to everybody now to the more sinister part of this video that was also another reason why I have to take some time and that was because of the things that have happened in Slovenia there are a lot of people out there who think that if you come from a beautiful small country everybody in the country runs barefoot through endless fields and holding hands and then gather their sheep and go to sleep in their cottage in the woods and be you know happy and breezy and meditate you know also I hide how I feel most of the time and in fact I hid it so well then when I was in Slovenia in 2018 a lot of people were saying in the comments how this is the happiest I've ever looked and that must be because I'm back home and because I'm away from a big city and back home is where I belong and when in reality I was dying on the inside like literally dying on the inside but there were so many things that happened that year my friends getting threatening letters because of my videos people shouting at me on the streets people trying to pick fights with me in a bar people that I don't know just because they know me from a video let's not forget the neverending stalker situation which prompted me to file a police report and having private detectives on speed dial and having nighttime control go by my building for a while because that person showed up in a city that I traveled to then also all the personal trauma that I had to endure which made me drop weight down to 95 pans I mean that alone is enough to send anybody to loony bin so excuse me if I needed a break and needed some time more than ever I needed art because that's how I cope with things and by art I mean poetry I mean skits I mean silly stupid stuff that I do in internet that you think I do because I'm always drunk I do these things because they literally make me forget about Who I am and what I'm going through and I guess it was hiding in plain sight I'm not telling you any of this for you to feel sorry for me because please don't ever feel sorry for me I am fine I'm handling things and I'm fully aware that by saying these things I'm giving ammunition to people who now hate me because the more personal information you gave out to people the more they can take advantage of that and I'm fully aware of that but the reason why I'm also saying this is so it maybe will rearrange what you were thinking about some person online example me just based on what your ideas about that person are and for a while I didn't even think it was gonna come back to this channel because it's just I don't know things were a little different for me four months ago and they have been different for the past two years but you know time heals everything I guess and I'm slowly learning how to live without that toxicity in my life and another thing that I can openly confess 2018 robbed me of a lot of my confidence yep I'm saying that out loud for thousands of people online to hear but I'm feeling more and more alive with every day that passes and I'm rebuilding my confidence back to where it was before at some point I started caring what other people think about me and I don't know when or how or where'd that happened because I never was a person who gave a what people think of her so but at some point I guess I started caring and I'm glad that that has changed now so I can honestly come back on here because I do miss this channel sometimes I see stupid things or I want to do a research about something or I see an inspiring story and I want to cover it but then I feel like it doesn't really fit with the door cute vibe that I created on my new channel so I decided to just live the best of both worlds right there are videos already in the works for this channel and for my other channel so if you watching this video to the very end thank you thank you for letting me tell my side thank you for taking the time to listen and I try to understand yeah I am excited to come back and post on here I hope everybody is staying healthy and safe 2020 has been ridiculous don't forget to re-subscribe to my channel anyway stay all since they positive love you all and I'll see you in the next video don't forget to subscribe to my other channel and it's not my second channel they are equivalent I love them both equally

Channel: Barbara4u2rlx

Views: 33,616

Rating: 4.9734263 out of 5

Keywords: coming back, barbara4u2c, barbara2.0, black mirror episode, 2020 is weird, henlo, i missed you, i am back, vlog, update, thank you, gratitude, reunion, did you miss me, new content, inspiration, good to be back, new year new me lololol, life is strange

Id: XGt-yCcAEzo

Length: 11min 10sec (670 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 22 2020