Listen to the Monster in Your Closet | Star Hansen | TEDxTucson

[Music] monsters are real and the boogeyman he's in your closet my job is to hunt them down and bring them into the light I spend my days crawling under beds and through forgotten attics on the hunt for the scariest monster in your home your clutter I'm a professional organizer my job is to go into your home and get rid of clutter and chaos and I love what I do I know it sounds a little crazy but boxes and labels and categories make me way happier than they probably should but it feels amazing when you help someone transform their space to be beautiful and functional but my work is actually really scary for people because to do it I have to go into the areas of your home that you don't want anyone to go into the junk drawer in the kitchen yeah oh that's not even bad yet the garage that can't be parked in anyone yeah we got two hands over there the room of abyss you know the one the room at the back of the hallway that no one's allowed to go into like ever yeah but clutter is even scarier now because it's moved beyond the physical stuff it's not just piles of paper and kitchen gadgets it's also our never-ending list of to do's our jam-packed calendars even our Netflix queue was out to get us these days when I first started hunting the clutter monster the job seemed pretty clear find the clutter and get rid of it easy right not so easy it kept coming back over and over again clearly something wasn't working so one day I decided that I would take a different approach and actually get to know the clutter monster instead to do this I had to remove my judgment and see past its frightening facade and it worked the clutter monster now speaks to me in a way that he doesn't talk to most people clutter speaks and you should listen to it now when I tell people this they usually think that their clutter is saying awful things about them that they're lazy or disorganized that is never what it says never I want to help you learn to listen to your clutter because only when we truly understand something are we able to set it free and your clutter has a lot to say every single thing in your home has a voice but when we get too many of those together all at once it's like a thousand people screaming at us how your clutter speaks to you can feel overwhelming but what your clutter has to say it's life-changing I want to tell you about a client of mine Trisha wanted help organizing her kitchen she reminded me of a hummingbird she was petite and slender constantly racing around she never sat down and she never at all hardly said a word when I met her she had been married for 20 years to Paul a kind man with this larger-than-life personality who was never at a loss for things to say their kitchen counters were flooded with piles of paper kitchen gadgets vitamins dishes condiments together the three of us cleaned and organized every square inch of that kitchen and at the end of our time together it looked perfect almost perfect at the edge of the counter near the stove there was this tiny broken teacup hey Trisha what's going on with this cup is it meant to be kept or donated Trisha looked at Paul then she looked down hey Paul what's the story with this cup it's all her fault she broke it that was my favorite cup it's there so she knows that I know that what she did is wrong roof Tricia gasped do you remember the movie The Exorcist where the little girls possessed in her head spins around Dallas Tricia I saw something shift in her it was like a light turned on I did not break that cup heap did I won't take responsibility for it I'm not touching it Wow good communication you guys yeah finally talking so how long has this cup been here for they both looked down and away a week silence a month one year for one year a silent feud raged between them fueled everyday but his tiny little cup to live together they had to cover that cup with as much clutter ketchup chaos and vitamin D as that kitchen would hold because they were going to kill each other if they didn't clatter speaks that Cup was Tricia saying I want to be heard that cop tells the story of a woman who does not feel safe to be seen or heard in her own home she could say with her stuff what she could not say with her voice I need to be honest with you organizing your clutter is not some silver bullet that's gonna solve all your problems sometimes it reveals your problems like it did with Tricia and in case you weren't worried enough about your clutter here's another fun clutter fact for you clutter tells your secrets now this is not going to win me any dinner party invites so don't worry I'm not expecting anything but I can walk into your house and with a single look know the state of your life who's madly in love who's in financial chaos and who wears the pants in your family I can't tell you how many times I was hired to organize a closet when what I was really there to do was help someone decide if they want to stay married quit their job or move to Maui not because they told me so but because they're clutter did another client of mine James had inherited a whole load of family clutter when his aunt passed away and he needed help going through it James lived in LA and he was living the dream he was handsome and successful he gave me a tour of his house it was beautiful it looked like a magazine cover I wondered honestly if I was there by mistake because I mean where was the clutter until we turned down a hallway and approached a closed door this confidence man this man who was confident suddenly looked like a nervous child he took a deep breath and pushed open the door to his bedroom there was the clutter a giant wall of boxes stopped the door from fully opening and completely blocked one side of the bed and that was when I saw something that stopped me in my tracks one side of the bed looked fine someone had clearly been sleeping there but the other side of the bed was completely covered with magazines candy bar wrappers paperwork and laundry hey James can you tell me a little bit about this clutter please sure it's the stuff from my aunt I didn't have anywhere else to put it no James not the boxes that's more of a project I'm talking about the bed I find it interesting that the only clutter you have in the entire house is not only in your bedroom but in the bed itself no one is making friends with a question like that just saying not man looked at me with daggers like I was asking to see inside of his soul James the bedroom is the Center for romance and intimacy and I know it may seem like a bit of a jump but is there any reason why you would be afraid to be in a romantic relationship he turned away you could tell he was thinking something through and then he started to cry James are you okay the last woman I loved destroyed me I cannot do that again that is when clutter speaks when the pain is too great and we just don't have the words the clutter on that bed was screaming love is dangerous James's clutter in that wall of boxes was protecting his heart keeping him single and safe clutter does for us what we can't do for ourselves so what's your clutter saying to you do this with me I want you to go right now into your home and your mind's eye and see your clutter something that feels chaotic and shameful they have something didn't take long did it when was the last time you really made contact with those items a year five years 1982 are you ready to have a conversation with that box you haven't opened in 10 years when I go into people's homes they are usually embarrassed mortified by their clutter and what others might think about them but the far greater fear is actually what their clutter means about them and how they feel about themselves you see they fear that they are their clutter and in this way our greatest fear is true we are the monster we are our stuff I am my stuff you are your stuff your stuff is a mirror of you it's a collection of your hopes dreams and experiences it's also a demonstration of the unique way your mind works that's not something to fear that's an incredibly powerful force to harness and use and crafting your life making peace with your clutter is making peace with yourself I want to tell you a secret I don't care what your house looks like I don't care if you ever get organized or if your house looks picture-perfect and I don't care about your stuff I care about you I am a healer I use clutter to help you heal your greatest wounds for me organizing is like an archeological dig of your heart through your house I'm here to help you remember your brilliance because that's what I see not your clock chaos and clutter I see you and I love it all of it the good and the bad I love your humanity and yeah I love your clutter because clutter is an external demonstration of our internal storms it represents and demonstrates unresolved lessons and feelings in our lives all of these exists whether that clutter is there or not and if we don't handle these feelings and lessons they will pop up somewhere else in our lives that's for sure not everyone faces their monster through clutter some use food or love or money or work I don't struggle I don't struggle with clutter but believe me I have my own issues we all do clutter or whatever you struggle with is an incredible teacher because if you listen truly listen to what it's saying it will show you your own personal roadmap to healing and relief clutter brought James out of isolation two years after we tore down that wall of boxes he met and married an amazing woman they've been happily married for eight years now and clutter awakened Trish's voice it showed her what she needed to do to thrive in her life and marriage and the next year launched her into a career as a therapist where she now helps other women find their own powerful voice every single day Thank You teacup but transformations aren't always so extreme sometimes you get closure or relief or inner peace which is actually the most life-changing of all because who cares what the outside looks like what matters is how you feel inside clutter is an invitation to heal there are valleys we have to walk through to heal fully and become our best selves these are blessings not curses that is the gift that clutter gives you the monsters in your closet their real face your clutter monster head-on have a conversation with yourself through your stuff you'll be surprised to find that what you thought was a monster under the bed is simply a dust bunny because your clutter looks scary but when you listen to what it's saying you will find that it is actually a friend a hero a savior it will liberate you rock your world and make your life better clutter speaks it's talking to you be grateful it has so much to say thank you [Music] you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 256,808

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Health, Behavior, Decision making, Depression, Disease, Dreams, Emotions, Fear, Freedom, Goal-setting, Hack, Happiness, Identity, Illness, Life, Life Development, Life Hack, Mental health, Mindfulness, Motivation, Personal education, Personal growth, Positive Thinking, Productivity, Psychology, Relationships, Self, Self improvement, Self-help

Id: qjzvH2wrpDg

Length: 15min 43sec (943 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 19 2018