Griffin: "Would Apple sales be affected if Steve Jobs dropped the iPod on stage while presenting it for the first time?" [Travis laughs hysterically] [Travis laughs hysterically]
[Justin also starts laughing hysterically] [Justin still laughing] Griffin: He's like -- Travis: "I would like to show you what we've been-- WhOooOOoA" [Justin laughs] Griffin: "This is you nerds at home and you take your disk in and pop it in the Diskman "And then this is how you nerds walk all gentle "So as not to disrupt the disk spinning.
What if I said fuck the disk? "I'm so glad that I said that because I'd like to show you the iPod. This special little music toy is gonna -- "Awww, damn it!!
Aw, damn it!" Travis: "Aw, beans!" Griffin: "This' Steve's big day!" Justin: "Aw, nerts!" Griffin: "I've-I've broken the music toy iPod!" Justin: "The music's leaking out everywhere! "All the songs are all over the stage! Oh, my-- oh, my..." Travis: "Somebody get some Brawny paper towels!" Justin: "Hey, there's a big puddle of Sister Hazel over there, buddy. Be real careful." Griffin: How -- okay, there has to be some sort of behind-the-scenes technical wizardry happenin' because I've never seen any of this and never seen any of this, I've never seen Jony Ive like, [weird accent] "Oh look at this and this is the iPhone 10. I gave it a little nubbin up on top." "It's like a dandy little hat and what's good is you can brush the hat and-- " "Oh, fuck me. I did drop my music toy." [Justin and Travis giggling] Griffin: [normal voice] It's never happened there has to be magnets in the gloves or sticky glue on all the, like, display phones. Travis: The only time it happened is with the special edition, that was red and branded with U2 stuff. They did drop that one onstage. But then Bono just started playing his guitar to distract everyone and nobody noticed that it happened Griffin: Oh, that's yeah, that's why-- Travis: That's a little behind the scenes right there. Griffin: That's why each Apple press conference ends with a concert -- usually by a bad music artist -- is they want to distract you just in case so they have this lever they can pull. Tim Cook is like, "Here's the iPhone 8 and I've just thrown it high in the air" "accidentally and it's exploded on the ground [yelling] TAKE IT AWAY, IMAGINE DRAGONS!" And they're like "Buh na-na bullshit!" and you're like, "Whoa, what just hap--" you're concussed almost by the bad music. Travis: Now, Griffin, you just threw the glove down on both U2 and Imagine Dragons. Anything you wanna walk back for people at home or...? Griffin: Yes, I will say that Foo Fighters I believe did one and that band still shreds. Travis: Okay. I, one time I was at work at Petsmart back when I worked at Petsmart and I was pulling my iPhone out of my pocket. It slipped. I tried to catch it But instead ended up spiking it into the ground as though I was angry at my iPhone and it shattered into a bajillion pieces I would-- I would like to see, like, Tim Cook do that now and then be like, "Just kidding!" and pull like a even better iPhone out of his pocket
Griffin [overlapping]: The next iPhone Travis: Yeah Griffin: Technically I think they did this at the last Apple phone press conference where it was like, "This is the iPhone 8. Looks a lot like the iPhone 7, huh?" "Uuuuuuummm, is Imagine Dragons ready yet? They're not? Fuck." "Okay, check this out: Whoop-aahh! Smash!" "Here's the iPhone 10. We skipped 9!" Justin: "Bono, get out here! " Griffin: "Bono, quick quick save me!" Travis, you went through a few iPhones , if memory serves. Cuz there was the one time we were at our aunt's pool And our daddy was bringing your phone to you, and he did definitely drop it on the hard cement and he picked it up and then just Continued the delivery and tried to walk away real fast and you were like you were like, "um, um, um, um, um, one moment, please!" "It 'sploded!"
Travis: That was my iPhone 3, I believe if I remember correctly Griffin: Cool move, Cool move by Dad though! Justin: Was that at Aunt Brenda's house?
Griffin: That was Aunt Brenda's house, and cool move by Daddy, trying to sneak one past ya, as if you would not notice the sizable chasm in the glass surface of this thing.
Travis: It was super cool, Dad. Travis: If you're listening, Dad, I haven't forgiven you and I never will. Griffin: But if you drop it on the stage Tim Cook just tries to explode the iPhone 8, cuz it sucks, and then he picks it up. He's like, "Oh look at that It's still good. Well, um, I guess--" Justin: That's better for Apple stocks, right? If he drops it on stage?
Griffin: Yeah. Justin: Okay. Is that better for Apple socks? He drops on stage, it's fine like literally nothing happens, But you do realize that this company's in the hands of people the sort of hands that will drop an iPhone at just the least opportune time possible. That's gonna shake my faith, I think, as an investor-- Griffin: [sighing]
Travis: Okay. Here's what I wanted to see I want to watch a real time like tracking of Apple stocks as Tim Cook drops it and there goes that [makes wo boop boop noise] Right, but then he catches it on his foot and flips it back up into his hand. And-- Griffin: The stock goes back up
Travis: The fuckin stocks Travis: just go through the roof!
Griffin: I think that I think the the optics we need to avoid here, Apple-- We're now doing this and it's a paid service. So we'll send you an invoice-- is it's got to be purposeful. It can't be look like it has a slippery accident. I think that Tim says "Here's iPhone 11" "We're so excited about this. Sorry about that nubbin on top. We shaved it right off and" "uuuuh-- my-- for the next part of my book report" I'm gonna kick this thing's ass for about 10 minutes" and he does take-- he takes his shirt off And then he drop kicks the phone across the stage and walks slowly to over where it lands and then picks it up again and kicks it right back to the other side of the stage repeat this process for 10 minutes and Then at the end--
Travis: [laughing] And brings out Limp Bizkit to play along with it. Griffin: No. No. Travis, at the end, he gets on the phone, shows it still works by calling Limp Bizkit to come out on stage. Travis and Justin: [laughing] Griffin: And then while he's still shirtless on the stage and sweaty from the 10 minutes of phone kicking he just did, he just skanks it up there so fucking hard to Limp Bizkit's great songs Justin: And they go on the road and Tim's like, "I'm actually, this feels good." Griffin: Yeah!
Justin [as Tim]: "This feels right"
Travis: "This is right" Justin [still Tim]: "This is where I belong. I'm gonna keep doing this with you, Limp Bizkit." Griffin [also Tim]: "I'm a Limp Bizkit skank boy now." Justin [still Tim]: "Fuck off, I'm FREE." Griffin: [giggles] Justin: I want Tim to come out one year and say "Hey everybody" "Two things to announce." "1. I'm free" "I travel around with Limp Bizkit and I'm fucking free as a bird." "Second, Your current phone is fine." Travis: [busts into laughter] Justin [Tim]: "It's fine and I'm free." Travis [Tim]: "We couldn't come up with any new ideas, just keep buying more of those, I guess. Is that a-- yeah." Justin [Tim]: "Or don't buy em, you don't need em." "I'm free. My name is Tim Cook and I'm the dancer for Limp Bizkit!" "Look at me! I'm free for the first time in my life!" Travis: Tim Cook--
Justin [Tim]: "Your phone's fine!" Travis: Tim Cook walks out and pulls just a Walkman out of his pocket with a Limp Bizkit cassette in it. He's like "This is all I need." Justin [Tim]: [trying to talk but too busy wheezing] "You can still fuckin' jam to this!" Travis: What are you -- what are you talk-- [Tim] "I've got -- you need one cassette: Limp Bizkit.That's it!" Justin [Tim]: "This is my one cassette of "Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water" "And this is all I fucking need--" Justin: [speech dissolves into laughter] Justin [Tim]: [strained] "This tape-- Fuckin' belts--" Travis: [begins laughing]
Justin: [squeaking like a mouse] Travis [Tim]: "Why would I wanna make a phone call in my Walkman and interrupt my Limp?!" Justin: [laughing hysterically] Travis [Tim]: "If I make a call, all the Limp goes away! They are two separate products! Grow up!" Griffin: That would be a dope feature for iPhone 11, is if it let you make calls while still listening to Limp Bizkit. Justin: Trying not to take a shit on Steve Jobs' legacy folks, but the biggest mistake he ever made in his life was making the iPod bigger than the storage you would need to hold "Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water" and maybe one other Limp Bizkit track, but that's it. You don't need other records.
Travis: That's it! Justin: This fucking melts. Hey, everybody come up individually, listen to my [trying not to laugh] headphones Travis: [laughing] Justin: [squeaking] It's like in Garden State Griffin: [laughing hysterically]
Justin: [bursts into laughter] Justin: I'm gonna come out there and play you a Limp Bizkit song that'll change your life-- [The boys dissolve into hysterics] Griffin: Yeah, Tim. Tim, I like this; this is good. Dude, Your nipples are huge man. Do you want me to get that shirt? It landed on my wife in the audience. Justin and Travis: [still laughing]
I feel pretty cool for recognizing the McElroys from that random drawing.