Life as an Autistic Teen (Autism, ADHD and Anxiety)

what's the most confusing thing about other humans you said humans as if it's a different species what's so strange about them um i think like the fact that they just all instinctively know and they don't have to be told anything or they already were told it's like they got their own secret little like file and i'm just like can i can i say and they're just like no learn ellie doesn't ever care what other people think of her and that's what i love the most about her um you get what you get with her real people have like stuff to do and they have jobs and they have boyfriends i'm just over here watching teletubbies she will never be anybody but who she is she can't i do wish i could be a little bit more mature and think about stuff but like so boring i like sitting with people why do you like sitting with people um because i like being around with people what's your favorite thing about socializing um the fact that they they can be open to criticism and stuff and like tell me what i'm doing wrong when it comes to conversations do you worry that you're doing things wrong when having a conversation sometimes yes what are some things that are tough for you when having a conversation not knowing when to stop i have a large family and we'll all be standing there eating and she will come in and talk about let's say anime she really loves anime why do you love anime because it's just it's basically cooler versions of kids shows with swearing and cursing and superpowers not a lot of people in my family if any like anime why do you want to tell your family about anime so much because i feel like they would like it if they just took the chance to realize how funny it can be i will just interject and say oh what about that picture you drew change the subject in some way and at this point with the therapy and things she gets that now whereas before it was like i was telling a story you know but now she gets those subtle hints do you appreciate that your mom does that yes because i don't want to annoy people with something that they don't care about what would you say is your biggest fear um being in front of the people that i care about the most and having them judge me and say that i'm wrong and not want to talk to me anymore when you were younger before you had an autism diagnosis did you feel different um sometimes but um the people who were around me were all still like kids and still like when i'm thinking back to like my childhood days i'm thinking like oh people thought i was normal people would still talk to me people would think that i was okay because we were all stupid we were all kids none of us knew anything but thinking to like middle school days no one thought i was normal everyone was like oh that's weird why would she talk about that why would she like that why would she find interest in these things why would she still talk about it when i said i don't care i still watch word girl it's a pbs kids show why do you like to watch it um because it introduces new words and it has a really did you see something a fly or net um one time a neck or no a giant fly that got stuck in my paint and then it sealed his foot in and it was just like standing there while i painted we called him kevin what are we talking about i forgot is it hard for you to keep track of your thoughts all the time my mind's always buzzing off and thinking like hey there's this hey there says hey there's this hey what did i begin with then i have to rig track everything and then i get stuck on something else and then i'm just like yeah what about that and then i'm just like wait what it was always i would have to pull her face to me and say okay look me in the eyes that's that was that's what i normally know that was the only thing that i could get her to do when she was younger to halfway get the directions that i was telling her i just do not pay attention it's just more or less just like me droning off and being like what if giraffes rule the world instead of apes how would you describe autism to somebody who doesn't know what it is um just sort of when you don't understand the question on the task and you like like you're taking a task and you see a question that you've never learned the solution to and everyone's just like oh come on you should know that one we learned in class but you didn't you weren't there for that day and you're just sort of like your hands shaking and you just like circled one and then everyone stares at you just like okay and that was the wrong answer and you're just like frantically erasing and rewriting and rewriting and frantically erasing again but everyone is always like judging you each time and you're just like i don't know which one's right because everyone has a different answer ellie at walmart when she was younger was it was always where's ellie every place we went but walmart was one of them normally it would be she would be behind the counter hugging the checker outer person um we'd say ellie we don't do that come here please you can't hug everybody um do you wish other people were equally as colorful and energetic as you i am uh that would be nice so then i don't feel like i'm the only one trying to brighten up everything me and come on are easily the closest siblings why because we always spend a lot of time together we hit each other's jokes are you doing i was just noticing how i was doing a lot of hand sing meals with my hands so i wanted to make fun of that yes she can make fun of herself too all the time i love i love being i love noticing stuff by myself um do you ever create jokes and laugh about them but other people don't understand all the time i don't have to worry about him saying oh that was a bad joke or oh you're annoying or oh just go away like no matter what he's always gonna try and hang out because we're we're always hanging out is it difficult having a diagnosis that people can't see [Music] sometimes because like um like they don't just like look at you and go like oh um she's autistic i might as well just like tell her what she's doing wrong everyone's all like oh a normal person time to go make fun of her for what she doesn't know because that's what people do jokingly but i take it very seriously what you talking about literally anything we'll just talk about like people at school and how they're being annoying and having top mother boyfriends when we don't have any well he wants a girlfriend but i would be like oh they're all horrible ignore them all they're popular basically so you wouldn't like the popular kids no because they knew what they were doing and i didn't so i was jealous i was just like did you have envy that you weren't one of the popular ones well i didn't really want to be popular i just wanted to know what i was doing to the point where i wouldn't have to hide away and people could actually talk to me all my friends have jobs and driver's licenses and they're all getting friends and getting girlfriends and planning on getting married and stuff all like all that and i'm just over here like unicorns can i give you advice yes you mentioned that sometimes you feel awkward and i feel like or heck 99 of the time i'll admit that once you get out of high school it's easier to find the people that embrace your awkwardness and that are equally awesome and awkward just like you so high school can be tough but remember it goes by quick and then you can make your little awkward army now you want an awkward army because everyone at my school is just like waiting to leave and i'm just like let's all make friends and then i'm just like no i want to go home he's the cool kid at our school everyone loves him and everyone thinks that he's red and i'm pretty shy so when it comes to like meeting new people out of school i'm scared that if i mess up then i'll have to see them again and they'll just continue like judging me each time they see me so um when people find out that versus my brother's video assume that i'll be like him and like not like confident and not scared of what people think but i really do care what people think at my school because like it can have lasting effects when somebody sees you for the first time what do you hope they think she's dressed appropriately why is why why that because um i think that dressing up is a good way of like showing like hey i can do stuff very well if you give me a chance and i can be i can be socially acceptable has ellie ever expressed to you that she feels lonely no no no i mean and i i some we sometimes wonder about that um but she is completely what we say is ellie loves her from her and she's fine with it i wouldn't describe myself as lonely because like lonely seems like oh i need people oh but no one likes me like that's what lonely sounds like to me i'm not exactly lonely i'm more or less just like like the silence do you make funny faces a lot nice why i don't know i just like making funny faces it sort of expresses how i'm feeling at the moment how are you feeling right now that's my funny face for excited what's the most important thing you've learned about yourself since receiving your autism diagnosis that i can get better that there is like a therapy and that i can learn about like how to do things right and not be weird and creepy and ask screen strange questions and be creepy and lurk around all the time but still sometimes people see me as too open and too free and too expressive like they'll just be like oh how was your monday and i was just like oh my god it was fantastic i saw this new show i loved it i learned this new word and then just like could have just said yes some people see that as like way too like talkative and can get annoying and um people get annoyed by me talking a lot which is still hard and i need to fix that if you're talking and you have not done this yet i'm enjoying every part of this conversation but imagine a scenario where i'm just ready for the conversation to end what should i say you should just be like okay um this was fun we should talk again or something just like something that i can like just infer like okay he doesn't want to talk anymore do you feel like the world can be dull sometimes sometimes yes how do you feel about that everyone needs to lighten up get colorful i don't want to be the only one here who's just like looking like a rainbow while everyone's just like no do you feel like a rainbow too i love feeling like a rainbow and i feel like a rainbow right now what's making you feel like a rainbow um that i'm not being judged right now that makes me feel super confident and like hey he won't judge me if i'm being open so oh what's her room uh messy no yes but if you need to find something she'll find it in a minute it's a second it's um what do you call it organized chaos that's it she's her room her locker um would you say that is a good word for your personality as a whole yes thank you that's what it is good job that's the word i was looking for why are you organized chaos because i know what's going on but from an outsider looking in it's just sort of a mess if you could look into that camera and tell the whole world one thing what would you say i love you do you want to spread love yes why wouldn't i there's nothing really wrong about love what is love how do you define it um just this warm feeling in your heart that you get from making others laugh why do children shows bring you comfort because they're all wholesome and sweet and they don't talk about like real life depressing stuff like oh my god the rainforest is going down oh my gosh i'm getting divorced oh my gosh all this is happening and i'm just like they're just over here just like hey we need to get a gift for my dad and i'm just like please do that everything's very factual literal you're going to get what you get there's no fake there's no lying she couldn't lie if she wanted to um she would know she just can't she can tell that i have some brush my teeth how can you tell i'm not judging you because you're smiling and you're asking nice questions not mean questions like oh um how hard is your life because you're autistic oh how hard is everything oh my gosh you must be so depressed oh my god like you're just like how fun is life how is everything how are you you're like super positive and not everyone is like that

Channel: Special Books by Special Kids

Views: 5,285,102

Keywords: autism, adhd, anxiety, aspergers, Chris Ulmer, Ellie, SBSK, Special Books by Special Kids

Id: D4Hapmm9YiY

Length: 14min 11sec (851 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 12 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

I could totally see her in my circle of friends.

[u/florettesmayor]

I was so close to being able to comment on the youtube vid

[u/missminority182]

Ellie is me to a Tee. i have Autism too.

[u/blanchedubois3613]

Ellie is awesome! Hang in there sweet girl. As Chris said, there are a whole lot of people who are going to love hanging out with you once you get past high school.

[u/Texas_Indian]

I relate to Ellie a lot, even though I'm NT.

[u/mr3wolfmoon]

Omg i forgot about 'Word Girl'! That show was my favorite too lol

[u/ShakeTheDust143]

She’s so bubbly and adorable!

[u/ravensgreens]

Thank you for this interview. I grew up with severe ADHD and anxiety and saw so much of my self in Ellie. Now at 25 I can concur. It gets so much better in the adult world. Please let her know i say good luck 🌈 and always do what feels right , to never doubt your goals, dreams, or future. What ever you want to do you can. it may take multuple mistakes and lessons along the way but I can already see you are going to do great things, whatever they are they will be great and you will know it because it will make you TRULY happy inside and youll know it. best wishes for you and your family.... Oh and your fabulous rainbow anime army of awkward people that awaits you.

[u/Saltwater_Heart]

My 7 y/o was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 and now at 7, is being evaluated for Aspergers. Thank you for this video. I have such a hard time understanding him and I wish I could understand what he’s going through on a daily basis better. I can’t wait until he’s older so he can communicate better. He has a hard time explaining things and answering questions. He has a processing issue that seems to make his brain slow to react to even the simplest of questions. I get aggravated with it - but I’m working hard on being a better mother for him. He has an emotional issue and has no control over his own emotions. Lots of things can send him into a meltdown. Oh, and and obsessing over one topic (like hers being anime), his is Minecraft. He’ll literally talk to complete strangers about Minecraft and explain how the entire thing works and because he has a hard time explaining things, people have a hard time painting a picture of what he’s saying. He has no sense of danger and has no sense of his surroundings most of the time. I have to constantly tell him to pay attention to what’s happening around him. He almost walked into the street a few days ago while I stopped and waited to cross, and there was a car coming. I had to grab him before he got hit. His mind wanders so much, it can affect his safety, like that. I really hope to be able to get him the help he needs. He struggles so much.