Vanessa:
Hey, what have you been up to lately? If I asked you this question, would you
go, "Oh, no, how do I respond?" Well, never fear, today I have some good news. In the next 30
minutes, you are going to learn my top tips for having a successful conversation in English so
that you can breathe easy and never fear having an English conversation again. Hi, I'm Vanessa from
SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com, and like always, I have created a free PDF worksheet for you with
all of today's amazing tips so that you can print it out, put it under your pillow, sleep on it,
and dream about beautiful English conversations and feel confident the next time that you need to
speak in English. You can click on the link in the description to download this free PDF worksheet
today. In today's lesson, you will learn how to start a conversation in English, some easy small
talk tips in English, and some bonus tips about having amazing conversations. Yes, this lesson
is for free for you. Can you believe it? Here it is. All right, let's get started with my top
tips to help you start a conversation in English. In life, there are two kinds of people,
people you know and people you don't know, we call those strangers. So it makes sense to have
two different types of conversation starters. Of course, there's some overlap, but it's helpful
to separate them. Let's start with people you know. Imagine that you're in the grocery store,
you're pushing your car, looking for some spinach, and you see your coworker and you want to say,
hi, what can you say? Well, here are four great questions that you can ask in that situation
or that they might ask you, so you need to understand them and how to respond. The first two
questions are about the past. Let's take a look. Hi, Dan. Dan:
Hi. Vanessa:
How are you? Dan:
Pretty good. Vanessa:
What have you been up to lately? Dan:
Oh, not much. Just went to see my
family yesterday. What about you? Vanessa:
Hi, Dan. Dan:
Hi. Vanessa:
How are you? Dan:
Pretty good. Vanessa:
What were you up to this weekend? Dan:
Oh, not much. Just went to see my
family yesterday. What about you? Vanessa: These questions asked about some time in the
past. You can change the words to say lately, today, last weekend, for a recent holiday. You
can switch that up depending on the situation, but it's great to ask about the past. The next
questions are going to ask about the present. What do you have going on today? Dan:
Oh, not much. Just going to a friend's
house this evening. What about you? Vanessa:
What have you got going on today? Dan:
Oh, not much. Just going to a friend's
house this evening. What about you? Vanessa:
These questions asked about the present. Did you notice the beautiful
casual verbs that were used here? What have you got going on today? What have you got going on
today? What are you doing today? That's another way to say it, but we often say, "What have you
got going on today?" And it's really casual, informal. It's great for these just
passing-by situations when you see someone who you already know. Let's go on to
the next questions which talk about the future. Do you have anything fun going on this weekend? Dan:
Oh, not much. Just going to a friend's
house tomorrow. What about you? Vanessa:
Do you have any plans for Easter? Dan:
Oh, not much. Just going to have lunch
with my family. What about you? Vanessa:
For these questions that ask about the future, I want you to be a
little bit careful because if you say this with a certain type of intonation, the other person,
especially if you're a guy talking to a girl, it could feel like you're trying to ask them
on a date or maybe they'll feel a little bit uncomfortable. So make sure that when you say,
"Oh, do you have anything fun going on this weekend?" Make sure you say it with a smile very
casually. You don't need to look them into the eye and say it seriously from the bottom of your
heart. It's just a casual question. Of course, unless you do want to ask them for a date, and
then you can say it a little more seriously. But if you just want to casually say something to
your coworker, you need to have a light tone. Don't worry about using this. Just make sure you
have a light tone and you say it with a smile, "Oh, do you have anything fun going on this
weekend?" Great. Like you saw in those sample conversations, Dan could have just said, "Not
much," and then stopped the conversation. Boring, boring, boring. But you know what? Some people do
that. If you're lucky, the person you're talking to might ask, "Not much. What about you?"
Okay, at least they're asking a question and you can share some information about what
you are doing or what you did over the weekend. So here, not everyone is going to give a
lot of information, but they might give you something and if they don't, don't worry
about it. It's not your fault, you tried your best. What about the second kind of people,
people you don't know, strangers? In the US, we sometimes strike up a conversation with
strangers, but it depends where you are. For example, in the South of the US where I
live, it's pretty common that when you pass by a stranger you make eye contact and you might say,
"Hi." But if you're in Manhattan, in New York, if you did that to every stranger who you passed
by, "Hi, hi, hi," people would think you were a little bit strange. So it depends on where you are
in the US, but it's certainly common to strike up a conversation with someone who you don't know.
If you visit the US, I recommend visiting a grocery store called Trader Joe's because it's a
requirement for working there that every employee is amazing at having small talk conversations
with strangers and it's part of their job to talk with customers. So if you have ever visited a
Trader Joe's, you know exactly what I mean. These employees are known for being so kind and so
friendly, and if you go there, be prepared with some of these questions and be prepared to answer
them because they'll definitely ask you them. Let's think about a scenario where you might
talk with a stranger. We can imagine you're in the park, you're walking your dog, and like dogs
do, your dog is sniffing and going towards another dog. Well, you'd like to strike up a conversation
with the owner of that dog. What can you say? Oh, what a cute dog. Do you come here often? Dan:
Yeah, we try to. It's a great place to walk. Vanessa:
Aw, what a cute dog. Have you ever been here before? Dan:
Yeah, a lot. It's a great place to walk. Vanessa:
Aw, what a cute dog. Dan:
Yeah, he's a sweetie. Vanessa:
Have you been in Asheville for a while? Dan:
Just two years. What about you? Vanessa:
Oh, what a cute dog. Dan:
Yeah, he's a sweetie. Vanessa:
Do you live nearby? Dan:
Yeah, we live just down the street. What about you? Vanessa:
Like with the previous set of questions, it's important to have a light attitude. If you
ask someone, "Do you come here often?" The other person might feel a little bit uncomfortable like,
"Are they following me? Are they a scary person?" So make sure you just say it lightly, "Oh, do
you come here often?" No problem. This is a great question to ask, and I ask this all the time when
I go to the park and I'm playing with my toddler and he ends up playing with another kid and I
ask the parent, "Oh, do you come here often?" It's just a way to start a conversation. Okay, now
it's special notice time. I want to let you know that not everyone is a great conversationalist.
You have to try your best and practice this. So if you ask these questions to someone
and they don't respond and you don't have an amazing conversation, you know what? Maybe
they're just not a good conversationalist. Maybe they haven't practiced this skill, so I want you
to be able to try your best and then it's really up to the other person. It's their choice if the
conversation continues. You might be thinking, "Vanessa, you seem like a good conversationalist,
what do you know about being worried about what to say or not knowing what to say?"
Let me tell you a little story. Well, Dan and I lived in South Korea for three
years, so that means that for three years, every time that I had small talk or
started a conversation with someone, it was in Korean. That means that I didn't
practice small talk in English for three years. When we moved back to the US, I remember
two situations. One was when I was getting my driver's license because we had just moved
back, so I needed my driver's license again, and the man at the desk said something to
me like, "Have you just moved here," or, "How's your day going?" Some kind of typical
small talk question, and I just stood there and I stuttered and I didn't really know what to
say and then he repeated the question and I said something, probably something silly. And when
I walked away from that conversation, I just laughed and thought, "What happened? This is my
native language, why can't I respond to him?" And then I realized, "Oh, I haven't practiced small
talk with strangers in English in three years. I'm going to need a little bit of practice
to get used to speaking like that again." Then, a few weeks later, I was at Trader Joe's,
the grocery store that I mentioned to you, and I was getting a sample of food from one
of the workers and she asked me some typical question. I don't even remember what it was, but
it was some kind of small talk question and my brain just went and shut down completely.
And I recognized this feeling because it had happened a couple of weeks earlier at the
driver's license place, so I thought I should just tell her why I am reacting like this. So I
said, "I'm sorry, I just moved back from Korea and I haven't had small talk in English for a
long time, so I'm sorry about my awkwardness." And you know what? She had lived in Korea
too. It was a really unusual circumstance, but we bonded over that and I could kind of
loosen up a little bit and feel comfortable because we started talking a little bit and
this helped me to get practice and practice and practice. And repetition is what's
going to help you to really improve the skill. Always remember that a smile is the
best tool. Sometimes when we feel nervous, our face gets really serious and we forget to
smile, but something happens when you smile, you start to loosen up, you start
to feel a little more comfortable, and maybe you'll be able to remember some of the
sentences and questions that we talked about. Great work leveling up your skills so that
you can start a conversation in English. Now you're going to learn some easy small
talk tips in English. This will help you to feel comfortable going beyond the basics and
connecting with someone else. Let's watch. Small talk means that you are not just
saying, "Hi, see you later. Bye." Instead, you are having a short, light conversation,
usually with someone in passing or before you're going to have a more in-depth discussion, so when
you see someone you know at the grocery store, when you have a quick conversation with a
coworker as you are eating lunch or maybe when you're just wanting to make a new friend,
you need to have good small talk skills. The first topic is weather. Weather is a very
simple, non-controversial neutral topic, unless you're talking about climate change. In
that case, it's a little more serious to talk about, but we often use this as an icebreaker.
An icebreaker is a common expression we use when talking about introducing a conversation. You're
helping it to become less awkward. You're having some icebreaker or small talk discussion and
then you can relax and have a normal discussion. Some common weather questions you might ask are,
"Isn't it a gorgeous day? Can you believe how rainy it's been? Is it hot enough for you?"
This last one might seem a little strange, but it is a silly or humorous way to address how
extremely hot the weather is or maybe extremely cold. If you say, "Is it cold enough for you?"
you're joking about the extreme temperature that you're experiencing and it's a light way
to introduce a conversation. Notice that all three of these questions are not open-ended
questions. They are only yes or no questions, and this makes it a very simple way to introduce
a conversation. The other person doesn't need to think about some kind of answer, they can just
say, "Yes, it is a gorgeous day. Yes, it is so rainy. Yes, it's really hot." Very simple,
and it makes for a comfortable introduction. If you would like to learn some more ways
to talk about the weather, I made a lesson completely dedicated to the weather, a hundred
expressions for talking about the weather, and you can watch that lesson up here to expand your
weather vocabulary. Our second small talk topic is where you are at or your location. Now you need to
think about this, of course, in an understanding way. If you are at a hospital, you might not want
to ask these questions because if you say, "Do you come here often," and they're at the hospital, it
might be a little bit too sensitive to talk about, but you can use these questions for any type
of location like a park, the zoo, a library, a museum, walking down the street. You can use
these for most daily life situations. So let's imagine that you see someone who you've met a
couple of times but you don't know that well. You might talk about where you're at and you
might ask, "This place is great. Do you come here often? How long have you been coming here?
Do you live near here?" If you're at a dog park, these are pretty common in the US, people bring
their dogs and their dogs can run freely together, well, great, you already have something in common
because that other person probably has a dog. Or if you're at the library, you both have an
interest in books, so you have something in common, your location, and you can ask these
questions, "Do you come here often? How long have you been coming here? Do you live near here?
Do you live in the area?" Great. Let's say that you're somewhere that's not a regular hangout,
like a coffee shop or a library or a park. Let's imagine that you are at the zoo or a museum,
these kind of special occasion places. You could ask, "Have you seen the da Vinci exhibit? It's
really cool." Or, "Which exhibit do you like the most? Have you seen the monkey exhibit? It's
amazing." You can use this to talk about the location where you're at. What if you are in
transit somewhere? Maybe you're at an airport, you're at a train station, you're waiting for your
subway to show up. Well, what are some questions you could ask to someone who maybe you don't know
and you want to start a conversation with? You might ask, "So where are you headed?" Headed is
a verb that we often use to say, which direction are you going to? I'm headed to the office. I'm
headed to San Francisco. I'm headed to some place. This is a great question to ask and I
just want to let you know that if you ask someone this and say, "Oh, so where
are you headed?" And they say, "To work." Okay, maybe they're not open to conversation, they
just gave you a one-word answer, two-word answer, that's completely fine. Not everyone
is going to be open to conversation, but I've started a lot of great conversations
and even friendships by trying to just give it a try. Try to speak with someone else who you feel
might be open to having a conversation and also respecting other people's distance if they're
not interested. When you have established that the other person might be interested in talking,
if they say, "I'm headed to San Francisco," you could ask, "Are you traveling for business
or pleasure?" Business is kind of obvious, for work. Pleasure might mean they're visiting
family or they're doing something for fun, for vacation, something like this, and this
is a good way to continue the conversation. Of course, you have to be aware that if someone
is traveling for a sensitive reason, for example, they're going to a funeral, don't push the
topic too much and you can just shift your questions accordingly so that the other person
also feels comfortable. Our third topic for small talk conversation is to talk about your plans.
You can talk about the past and the present and the future. In this first scenario, you run
into someone who you kind of know but you maybe don't know too well or you haven't seen them in
a little while. You can ask them, "Hey, how are you? What have you been up to?" You don't need
to ask, "How are you?" but it just feels really comfortable and it introduces the conversation
instead of being like an interrogation, "Hey, what have you been up to?" Instead, when you say,
"Hey, how are you? What have you been up to?" You can smoothly introduce the conversation.
If you haven't seen this person in a while, you might say, "We have so much to catch
up on. What are you up to this weekend?" This is asking about the future, this future
weekend. What are you up to? Now, of course, if you're asking this, it means that you would
like to get together with the other person and catch up. This phrasal verb to catch up means
that you are learning about what has happened to them in the past. Maybe you don't know.
You haven't seen them since elementary school, so you have a lot to catch up on. You want to know
what's going on in their life. So if you ask this, be prepared to make some plans and
to have some availability, that way, you can follow through on your question.
You can also ask the informal question, "Do you want to grab coffee? Do you want to
grab a drink? Do you want to grab lunch, brunch, dinner, and catch up to grab something?"
Usually, we use this in a very informal situation so that it doesn't seem like you
need to sit there and talk for five hours. Instead, you're just going to grab a coffee, maybe
a 30-minute conversation, one-hour conversation, very informal and spontaneous, and it's also
potentially an easier way to not make someone feel uncomfortable if they say no because
it's not so serious. Just a little note, if you are a guy asking a girl or any combination,
I imagine, if you say, "Do you want to grab coffee with me?" make sure that you say this very lightly
if you don't want to ask them on a date because, for me, if a guy tells me this and says,
"Hey, do you want to grab lunch later," and they don't know me or they don't know
that I'm married, then I will feel really uncomfortable because is it a date? Is it not a
date? Do I want to just talk with them? So make sure that if you are in this situation, you
just ask in a very light and happy manner. Of course, if you do want to ask them on a date,
this is a good question to ask. And finally, talking about your plans, we have two very
safe questions you can ask. The first one is, "I can't believe it's already time for," some
kind of holiday. Whatever holiday is coming up. "I can't believe it's already time for Thanksgiving.
I can't believe it's already time for Christmas, for the New Year, for spring break. Do you have
any plans?" And this is asking them about the future. What are you going to do for the holiday
season? Or you can simply ask, "Do you have any plans for this weekend?" Ask it very lightly so
they know that you are just simply asking, "Hey, what are you up to this weekend? Do you have
any plans for this weekend?" Great small talk. Our next small talk topic is a job. Even if
you're talking with someone who you work with, you can alter these questions slightly and
still talk about your job with them. In fact, it might be the best option because it's something
that you already have in common. If you're talking with someone you've never met before, this is a
great question to ask, "So what do you do?" Or, "So what do you do for work?" Sometimes we leave
off the last part, "for work," and we simply ask, "So what do you do?" This might seem a little bit
vague for English learners who've never heard this expression before, but it is extremely common. So
I want to make sure that when someone asks you, "So what do you do?" You might say, "What
do I do? Well, I eat breakfast, I wake up, I breathe, I like to run." No, no, no, this
is talking about your job. What do you do? Next, you could ask them,
"How long have you been doing this job? How long have you been an architect?
How long have you been a nurse? How long have you been a builder?" Well, this is great. You're
trying to ask some more details. If they haven't done that job for very long, you can follow that
up with, "So what did you do before this?" What did you do before this? This means this current
job. What was your previous job? Or maybe you were a student or maybe you were traveling.
What did you do before this? You might notice that I'm starting a lot of these questions
with the word, "So." And it just provides a smooth entrance to your question so that it
doesn't sound like an interrogation. What do you do? How often have you done this? Where
are you coming? How often do you come here? If you ask questions like this, the other person
will feel uncomfortable. So we often add these filler words like so to make it seem more casual
and just more natural, "So, what did you do before this? So, how long have you done this job?"
Great idea. If someone really likes their job, you could ask, "So what made you get into
architecture? So what made you get into teaching?" If someone is a teacher, I'm sure they'd love
to share about how they became interested in teaching, and that's what the essence of this
question is. So how did you get into teaching, especially if you have an unusual job like my
job, which is to teach you English online. A lot of people ask me this question, "How did
you get into teaching English on YouTube and online?" So I tell a little background story
about teaching English in the classroom, and then I was searching online for how
to teach English in the US and I found out I could teach English online, and I just
started to dive into it and give it a try. This is a little background story to talk about
how I became interested in my current job. Not everybody likes their job though, so if someone
doesn't seem that excited about their job and you want to learn more about them, you could ask
them this fun question, which is, "If money was no object, what job would you do?" This means
if you didn't need to make money or you didn't care about how much money you had, what kind of
job would you have? This is a classic question, and it really gets to the heart of someone's
passion. Maybe they love horses, but they just don't think they can make a career out of loving
horses. So they might say, "Oh, I really wish I could be a horse trainer and teach people how to
ride horses." Well, great. All of a sudden, you have a treasure, which is a piece of information
about the other person, they love horses. Great. You want to make sure that when you learn
something interesting about other people, you store that away because it's a great
way to continue conversations or to bring up something interesting with them. What
if you're talking with someone who you work with? How can you talk about your job? Because
you can't ask them, "What do you do?" Well, I guess unless you don't really know what part
of the company they work for, but in general, we want to ask more specific questions. So let's
imagine this scenario. You are in the lunchroom. Most offices in the US have a break room or
a lunchroom with some tables and a microwave, maybe a sink so that you can heat up your food
or wash some dishes, and you are waiting for your food to heat up. You brought some leftover
soup. This is a very detailed scenario. You brought some leftover chicken noodle soup
and you put it in the microwave to heat up, but you've got two minutes and there's somebody
who works with you standing beside you. What do you do? What do you say? Don't worry, I'm here to
save you. You can ask these three questions. If you know which department they work in, you might
say, "Hey, what's new in the marketing department today?" If they work in marketing. Or if they work
in management, you might say, "Hey, what's new in management today?" Cool, great, you know a little
bit about them, but you're just having some small talk. Or if you know they're working on a project,
you could say, "How's your project going?" Or if you have no idea what they're doing, you might
say, "Do you have any fun or exciting projects coming up?" You're asking about the future,
what kind of things they're planning for. Not everybody is great at small talk, so
they might just say, "Nope, not much." Okay. Not everybody is willing to have small
talk, but who knows? Maybe they'll say, "Yeah, we're working on this really cool
initiative. We're working with a charity, and we're going to try to raise some funds for
this organization." And maybe they're excited about it and will want to share it. Maybe
they've just been dying to share this with someone and you were that opportunity.
So it's worth a try, you never know, give small talk a shot. Before we go, I want to
give you four tips for excellent small talk. These are general ideas about conversation, but they
are essential for connecting with someone else. Number one is put your phone away. This seems like a basic thing, right, but
sometimes we don't realize how often we are opening our phone, checking our messages. There's
a little buzz and you open your phone. This is disconnecting you from the person you're talking
with. So when you're trying to have small talk, keep your phone in your pocket, keep your phone
away. If you have an emergency or urgent phone call, you can just say, "Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I have to take this." And that means you have to talk with that person, "I'm sorry, it's my
boss. I have to talk with him. I'll be back." And you have to take that emergency call. But in
general, for small talk, keep your phone away. My second tip is to be curious about the other
person. This is one of the great joys in life, I think, is getting to know other people and being
very sincere about getting to know them. You're not just a robot blindly asking questions.
No, you want to get to know another person, even if it's just for one minute while you're
waiting for your food to heat up in the microwave, that chicken noodle soup, so you can get
to know someone else. Be curious. A great way is to ask why or how questions, "Oh, why
did you decide to get this type of dog?" Or, "How long have you had this dog?" Wow, this is
a great way to ask further questions. Of course, don't interrogate them. Why did you get
this dog? How long have you had him. No, you can just be friendly. Be yourself,
but these open questions with why and how show the other person that you are sincerely
interested in their choices and their life. My third tip is what I just mentioned, which is
do not interrogate the other person. Instead, just be genuine and interested in them. If you
feel like you're asking too many questions, do you know what you can do? You can share
about yourself. This is something that's also essential to do, but not easy for everyone.
If someone says that they are a math teacher, you might say, "Oh, you know what? When I was
in high school, I had an awesome math teacher who was a really special person." Okay, that's
really short, but you are sharing some kind of connection from your personal life, and this helps
you to not interrogate them. Instead, you are also giving. You're not just taking their answers,
instead, you are giving from yourself as well. My fourth tip for great small talk is to
avoid your personal favorite topic. So if, for example, you are really into
gardening and growing vegetables, but you have a feeling that the other
person has no experience with this, well, you want to keep the conversation balanced.
Of course, you can say, "Yeah, I'm really into gardening and I've been working hard to
be able to grow lots of kinds of vegetables in the spring." Okay, that's great, but if you
keep talking on and on and on about it, well, that's not a balanced conversation. Of course,
you can share what you're interested in, but make sure that you don't get carried away lecturing
the other person about your favorite topic. Well, congratulations. Now you are armed and
ready to have amazing English conversations. Don't forget to download the free PDF worksheet,
which includes everything that you learned in today's lesson, all of the tips, all of the
sentences, all of the ideas, so that you can feel confident and comfortable speaking in
English. Click on the link in the description to download the free PDF worksheet today. Well,
thank you so much for learning English with me, and I'll see you again next Friday for a
new lesson here on my YouTube channel. Bye. But wait, do you want more? I recommend watching
this video next, the top 20 speaking mistakes that English learners often make, including
one mistake that my English students make, which can be quite rude, but you don't want
to be rude. I don't want you to be rude, so watch that video to find
out how you can be polite.
