Larry Nassar Victims Speak Out Ahead Of Sentencing | NBC News

all right and you are the parents of the two beautiful sisters in back of you yes yes and I understand that they are minors one okay which one all right how old is she 15 15 and do you believe it's in her best interest to speak we do yes and you've talked about this with her yes you know the whole world is watching her words her voice everything will be published publicized or could be yes yes and you think she can handle that we do yes and no one has forced threatened course you paid you anything promised you anything for this is that correct no it's one of those double negatives we in America do I just need to make sure it's correct for the record yes all right so at this time I will ask your daughters just step forward and give me their name and spell our names all right could you tell me your name and spelling my name is Cara Johnson ka ra joh and som and I would just like to thank you again fill it in a shared story you may proceed Your Honor I would like to just address the defendant I'm writing this in response to your actions mr. Nassar for not following proper medical conduct and a result exploiting hundreds of young girls including myself at such a vulnerable time the pain you have caused me mentally and emotionally is unexplainable and has been impacting my life heavily especially these past few months I am currently a senior in high school I should be focusing on my classes exams upcoming tennis season and college search instead I'm here and have been here for months hoping that after this is all over I can finally be a senior in high school again you took advantage of your authoritative powers as my doctor and a result took my innocence instead of healing me I am hurt and confused as you placed me into a position that not only made me insecure but was extremely inappropriate and uncomfortable I remember the anxiety I would have entering the office knowing how the appointment would most likely go and tell you myself it was normal to feel that queasy ache in the pit of my stomach that you were performing those procedures for the right reasons I remember telling myself that you were safe and I should trust you with my body as you were a doctor for athletes across the country that I looked up to my dad is a do and you knew that at the time when I was your patient when he would show up to my appointments with me he wouldn't do your typical procedure that I became used to performing I was uncomfortable at the point miss without my father but maintain trust in you as the framed images of the patients on your wall told an incredible story of a great doctor who could heal anyone I remembered they wanted pointment that's replayed over and over in my mind and has given me nightmares still to this day you had me get x-ray from my hips and back and then check them out with a strange obsession and how my hips were not fully developed yet and that you could tell my period had not started he then made me change into those strange shorts you had in your cabinet shorts that were so big I was swimming in and that gave you easy access to my body I was totally stomach down on the table where he proceeded to stack white towels between my mom and I and adjust the table to an angle where she couldn't see which I remember feeling weird about I immediately shut down all of those thoughts as I told myself you were going to fix me and that it was okay to feel uncomfortable that you were going to heal my pain you then pulled my shorts down moves my underwear over to the side and started touching me without consent without telling me you were going to do and if that wasn't bad enough with your gloveless hands you had your eyes closed and continued to molest me after a few minutes of this you just left the room leaving my mom and I extremely uncomfortable while my bear bot was out you came back into the room five minutes later with a tube of some kind of lubricant you think continued this procedure using the lubricant and I began to feel numb down there I think at that point wondered how what you were doing which fix the pain I had from jamming my hip after a cross-country race after about 30 minutes of this he smacks my bot said all right we are done here sweetie and they pulled up my shorts he said quietly to me that if I was ever on my period during one of your appointments to let you know so you could change things up a bit after that appointment I was supposed to go back to school but everything seemed cloudy and I had the urge to shower as I felt dirty and gross I took a 45-minute shower that day and that feeling never left I was only 13 years old you manipulated me into believing that you were the only doctor that could fix me and I had to have you or no one at all and for so long I believe that to be true I still cannot get over the grief that you have caused me by creating the false relationship of trust in custody and I cannot believe that I felt safe and in good hands when I was with you you fooled me telling me of your family stories telling jokes to me to attempt to make me more comfortable in liking my social media posts some of the things that I now realize were major red flags and she's I've never been tolerated I should have went with my gut and told someone that something felt very off but how was I supposed to know at the age of 13 what was medically acceptable and what the boundaries were I am disgusted by your actions and with the fact that even under investigation you had the ability and power to continue these procedures on patients such as I without following the medical restrictions you were placed under these few months I've been extremely difficult me for me as I had been struggling through depression and fighting off suicidal thoughts I assumed I was gone crazy but ever hearing all of these other girls speak I'm realizing that I'm not crazy at all and now I am suffering from something you did to me for so many years I need I never used to question the purpose of my life and I never used to have nightmares about being raped which is something that I'm now extremely paranoid about even though it has never happened to me you place so much fear in my life Larry and I will never be able to get back what you have taken so effortlessly from me your actions along with all the other actions of abusers in this country shall not go unnoticed Trust is a hard thing to earn and personally has been something much harder to develop since you've molested me I now know that I cannot second-guess myself when it comes to decisions with my body and it sickens me to note that I was not the only one who had her innocence taken away without even truly knowing what was going on it is terrifying how sick perpetrators like you are given the power to do such terrible things to innocent children for so long and almost get away with it so many people believed you were innocent as you have brainwashed us all into believing that you were someone of great medical integrity and I'm angry at those who have been shutting down this case for so many years and who have not taken the degree of this sexual abuse seriously I used to be sorry I felt bad that you had to touch me and I grew very insecure I am so glad that I no longer have to feel bad for you and I'm glad that you will be paying for you actions the rest of your life you are now a powerless man God knows of all the innocent victims you took advantage of and the acts of betrayal you have performed the Lord is my shield and I know that through him I am capable of all things and that I will persevere through this and that even the most evil of sins like the ones you have committed cannot destroy Who I am and will have major consequences that will follow you for the rest of your life God has spoken to me for the God has spoken to me these past few days and I'm finally starting to leave the dark place I have been in for so long you cannot take advantage of me anymore mr. Nasir and for that I'm grateful due to your malpractice and of the pain you have caused all victims I believe that you should be in prison for a minimum of 40 years to reflect on what you have done Your Honor I would like to thank you again for allowing me to share my statement today that's really and he can't fool you as you've said but he also can't fool anybody else who's heard your words you're a tower of strength and with your sister I'm going to hear from in a moment there's just a survivor you also have all of the sister survivors you are all in this horrible Club but you know what it's also a great because you're all our strength we're going to get past it when your message is being heard by the world I know you're gonna graduate congratulations in high school and go on to college and keep talking to men and women alike about this because college is another place where we see this happening over and over and over again young people who don't know or put themselves in bad situations and I know you will be one of those voices that they won't listen to so you are proud example thank you thank you thank you for being here please date and spell your name for the record Madeline ma de Li and E Johnson jo h and s : and how old are you today 15 and you're comfortable speaking yes alright very good you seem very confident I want to hear those words nice and loud alright alright thank you the first time I went to seen a star I was 12 years old being a little gymnast I was I was beyond excited I had the opportunity to have NASA as my doctor he was spoken so highly of as he was known as the gymnastics doctor I was slowly injuring my back more and more with every practice until one night my pain was so bad I couldn't even breathe without breaking down into tears my parents were contemplating whether or not to take me to the ER but my mom insisted she would just text NASA to get me into an appointment as this seemed like the most beneficial way to get treatment my mom texted him and he got me in right away the next day I couldn't hardly wait to see NASA because with all the stories I've heard about him supposedly treating Olympic gymnast I knew he was capable of finally relieving my back pain when I walked into his office the next day I was immediately in awe his walls were covered with a substantial amount of pictures of the Olympic gymnast always included a little message in a signature I felt so lucky that I got to have the same doctor as all of my idols in the gymnastics world and the doctor was now who was known as the best of the best my appointment with NASA this day was at least two hours long after he addressed my injuries he got started into the treatment NASA approached so many different techniques each one relieving my pain by a slight amount then NASA pulled on my leg to unjam my hip and at this point almost all of my back pain was gone but he still continued to try to fix me I thought those hands slowly make their way from my lower back down towards the scenes of my shorts he asked me to flip over onto my back and as I was doing so he jokingly told me that the next thing might be uncomfortable before I could even reply to his comment he moved his hands off my shorts he told me he was going to push on my pubic bone but instead I thought his finger fingers touch a different part of my body a part of my body that has never touched but been touched by anyone before I thought all of my muscles become tense but I tried to tell myself to relax because he was a doctor and he knew what he was doing the next appointment was just for my sister but I went along too she was wearing pants and he made her change him to these shorts that he had in a box inside his cabinet because of this I understood that it was also necessary for me to wear shorts every time I had an appointment I later learned NASA wanted us to wear loose-fitting shorts so he would have easy access to the places he wanted for his own pleasure soon enough I was back in his office with that pain again my mom decided my dad to take me to this appointment as he is a physician and he could attempt to learn what NASA was doing so I wouldn't have to go into his office every time I hurt my back I told my mom I did not want my dad to take me because that would be awkward my mom asked him I asked me why it would be awkward but I didn't answer this question I thought that if my mom didn't think what he was doing under my shorts was uncomfortable then why should I before this appointment I made sure I was showered as I was preparing for him to have to touch under my shorts again once we went over symptoms he diagnosed me with the same thing as before my dad was actively watching an attempt to learn what NASA was doing to help treat me during this appointment Nasser didn't place his hands anywhere near anywhere on my bare skin I didn't even have to remove my sweat pants to reveal my shorts I had under them after this appointment I remember thinking about him not doing the same things as he did before but I never mentioned it as I felt uncomfortable talking about it and it did not seem important or necessary to say once again I injured my back I followed through with the same routine of making sure I was clean before I went in and remembering to wear shorts under my sweatpants by this time my mom and I thought we were going to know what we were expecting so my mom did not pay much attention to what NASA was doing I was lying on my back and asked her so he slipped his hands up on my shorts this time saying nothing about what he was doing before he started he didn't only touch inappropriate areas but he moved my underwear to the side and his ungloved hands massaged my bare skin once he began this I looked over at my mom but she was looking down I love that Nasir only to see his body was blocking my hips so even if my mom did look up she could not see what he was doing to me his face was turned away from me his eyes closed and squinting and he was heavily concentrated on what he was doing Nasir did this for roughly five minutes then said okay kiddo and made me turn over onto my stomach he would then push on my lower back which really it's pain for the moment but once he stopped it immediately returned he asked me for my pain level and I told him it was the same as before the answer I'm sure he wanted to hear he repeated this procedural several times until I realized the only way I could get him to stop was if I lied and said my pain was all gone he had me lie on my back and he yanked on my leg to unjam my hips and that's when my back actually felt a little better after this appointment I knew my back was slowly getting worse and Nasser's treatment was no longer helping me I felt uncomfortable and extremely dirty after leaving these appointments my mom asked me if my back actually felt better and I lied to her saying if saying it did because I didn't want her to know that NASA couldn't help me I didn't I also didn't want her to question me on why I was lying to him about my pain levels I felt so guilty and confused that had felt uncomfortable with how this professional doctor with such a well-known reputation was treating me just as I was about to go to bed one night an old friend texted me a video link I clicked on the link not knowing what to expect this video was Rachel's video actually when I'm talking about Larry Nasser sexually abusing her I was in shock I didn't know what to think I ran up the stairs to tell my mom all about this video but before I could finish explaining myself she told me she already saw it my mom and I sat there in silence for a while and I felt so sick I was thinking about all the appointments I had with NASA trying to decide if this was abuse or strictly a doctor's treatment I woke up the next morning and I had thought of feeling I have never felt all 14 years of my life I went to school and wanted nothing more than to be invisible the entire day I didn't know anyone to approach me to talk to me or to touch me how I was feeling this day is difficult to describe but it's something I will never forget and something I hope I never have to feel again for a while I didn't believe I was one of these sexually abused victims I later learned that this was not true I tried rejecting the fact that I was molested by NASA because it seemed like the easiest way to cope I now know I was struggling so hard to decide if it was abuse or not because I knew if I admitted to myself that it was it would change my life so much and it did I always knew what NASA did to treat me was uncomfortable but only twelve years old I had no idea that it was inappropriate illegal and wrong he was the doctor I was the child I had no idea what to think I will never be able to stress enough stress enough how much he manipulated my family and I so he could build a strong trust with us we put all of our trust into this man and he had such a high title and named to live up to in the gymnastics world and to athletes in general NASA spent so much time on me and acted like he really truly cared about me Your Honor my seat is defendant you may Larry you used to be everything to all gymnasts and athletes and now you are nothing more than a disgusting monster you use your power entitled to hurt me mentally and emotionally you abuse me an innocent twelve-year-old girl for your own sick pleasures you spent so much time on me acting like you truly cared about me today I'm a 15 year old girl and throughout my years in high school I have struggled with trust confidence good judgment and for these past few weeks especially achieving my academic goals everyone thinks of me as a physically and mentally strong person but today I'm admitting to spending countless nights crying in my room suffering from feeling worthless and lost for the longest time you deprived me of my happiness the ability to sleep at night and feeling of being secure because of you every time I hear someone call me kiddo as you did I think of the face you made while you were refusing me you called me that reassuring to yourself that I was a young naive girl there's a point in everyone's life when they outgrow those extraordinary dreams they had hopes they could achieve as a child in reality kicks in when they realized the world isn't what they used to think it was Larry you took this from me at 12 years old I used to be such a joyful girl and I believed everyone could be forgiving for the mistakes they have made you made me afraid of the world I will never forget about the pain I have suffered but Larry after today I will no longer suffer I will be joyful that you will never be able to lay your hands on another girl again you'll no longer deprive me of life your honor sometimes I think it would be easiest for me if I never knew about Nasser's abuse but I quickly remind myself that this would be the worst case possible if he wasn't behind bars now he would be hurting more and more young girls with each day that passed why he did will stick with us victims will stay with us for the rest of our lives therefore because we have to live with it he should be sentenced to the maximum out of years and locked up for the rest of his life thank you thank you I am your sister and your sister survivors speaking out as you have done as your sister has done as all the victims have done so victim survivors helps others and I hear that loud and clear in your insightful youthful voice that's what you want to do and that's one of the reasons you and your sister right here the world is a better place because of what you've just said both of you should be very proud of yourself I know that now you don't feel like the world is a great place but it really really is I've heard what all of you have said and you're so wise at your tender age and I'm taking into consideration everything in regard to sentencing you are both worthy of everything wonderful don't let him take that away from you because then he wins and I know that your sister talked about suicide you didn't but I suspect you like most of the other survivor Victor's have thought about it please know you're here today because you want a happier world and a happier life if you leave us he wins I've said it to others I keep saying it because suicides never ever an answer you have some incredible parents here with you so if there are any issues I hope that you turn to them and continue to get help he will be behind bars and that should make you feel safer and you should leave the grief and sadness and unworthiness here in this courtroom we'll sweep it away can we take him away thank you live happy lives thank you so much [Applause] I'm here today to address Larry Nassar both in is an osteopathic physician and the father of two beautiful girls who cared and abused by you before I begin I would like to say how proud I am of each and every survivor in this courtroom I will never forget your stories and the painting of horses as you so courageously tell all those stories that we've heard as a physician we are given the great privilege to care for our patients what a wonderful and beautiful privilege this is our patients trust us with our most intimate problems their fears their bodies and their history they trust that we will care for them with compassion and respect and the love that we will do no harm they place their trust in us without knowing us because we are physicians we make mistakes and occasionally these unintentional mistakes cause harm this causes us great pain we carry these stories with us forever never forgetting the patient we armed and never forgetting the pain we caused we learned from this and we try to improve and become better caregivers better physicians this is not your story the pain you caused was intentional you do not care for these young girls with compassion respect and love your care was selfish not selfless your story is dark sinister and pure evil you preyed on the most vulnerable you preyed on innocence and you preyed on trust you preyed on little girls and young women God's children and he weeps with us your story is very different Larry your story starts with sick perverse and ungodly intentions you are not a physician you are a pedophile you only used your degree as a platform to sexually abuse your patients one by one for you're sick and you're very perverse pleasure you groomed your victims and plotted a course full of deceit and abuse I hope that you have heard each and every story and I pray that these voices resonate in you forever you were once known as one of the elite physicians in your profession now in forever you will go down in history as one of the worst humankind has to offer a child molester a predator an abuser a pedophile you cannot escape this identity and to each and every institution that denied responsibility for this shame on you for a moment I ask that you close your eyes and think of your daughter do you remember her innocence can you see her smile here her youthful laughter now imagine her being sexually assaulted by this man can you hear her scream or as a silent this is our reality and these were our children if after that disturbing thought after that disturbing image you can continue to deny responsibility for fostering this abuse and allowing this monster can continue with his practice then you have denied the truth you have learned nothing these institutions emphasize the importance of safe spaces ironically the only safe place that was created with a safe place for Larry Nasser to molest children and young women without boundaries and without oversight I asked you where was a safe place for all the abused for all of these survivors thank you your honor letter in your words may we have a copy I'm sorry may we have a copy of what you said should we already have a cap no you don't all right sir I know you're speaking on behalf of your daughters but really you're speaking on behalf of all children and you know as a trained physician as a good physician that's what you are to do and I'm so thankful that you're here and for your words because everybody needs to hear that and doctors need to be reminded of that patients need to be reminded that they can tell you anything and if something's wrong tell another doctor who will report it and hopefully we have that change because so many people didn't report here that's why it's so important for you all to be here so I applaud you and I know that your children are in great hands and I can't thank you enough [Applause] I just realized as I've done in Prior morning's that I have not updated the court as to the number of impact statements as of this morning that number is 120 well and as I said I'll keep you as much time into me I'm clearing out my docket as we speak so for those of you who want to be here looks like with that number we'll see where we land today we may be into Tuesday although we're going pretty rapidly I don't know I just don't want to give anybody a hope that will finish Monday it sounds to me like it made the Tuesday and every day there's more added so we'll see the other the next survivor to speak is Marie Anderson and I believe she just recently I decided to be publicly identified she is accompanied by her parents and I have a photograph of the screen as well ready and state and spell your name for the record and then once you read please read okay okay all right thank you please dance player named Marie Anderson ma RI e a ND e RS o n thank you thank you your honor I am here today to talk with you about my experiences with Larry Nassar at Michigan State University Sports Medicine when I was fifteen years old I was a swimmer and having issues with my lower back during my visits to MSU for back pain Larry claimed that I needed pelvic adjustments he would have me lie on the exam table face up and place my legs open like you would during a vaginal exam but without stirrups he would move his fingers around the outside of my vagina and anus then he would insert his fingers into my vagina and move them around inside of me as well as move his fingers in and out while his fingers were inside of me he would also apply pressure with his other hand to the outside of my lower abdomen and massage the inside and outside of my vaginal area this happened visit after visit saying this out loud to you is extremely uncomfortable for me and I'm sure for everyone who is listening it is supposed to be uncomfortable I would be doing myself and the other brave women here a great disservice by shying away from what is now my truth as I discover that this invasive treatment was not in the best interest of my health I cannot help but reflect on the impact the entire treatment plan had during an impressionable time in my life at the age of 15 I was naive to sexual intercourse and recall pain and embarrassment I had my mom or dad in the room but to my humiliation witnessed this happening all under the impression that they were taking me to the best available the impact this has had on my family is indescribable my parents who had my best interest at heart will forever have to live with the fact that they continually brought their daughter to a sexual predator and we're in the room as he assaulted me I wonder if the treatment plan Larry created was intended to keep me coming back in order to continue the assault as I look back at the treatment I remember I did not find relief with the methods that he used I was in a full back brace and on crutches under his treatment plan I was a sophomore in high school and I experienced a magnitude of harsh mocking from my peers because of the large brace over my clothes paired with the crutches this led to a multitude of hurdles including a lack of confidence and difficulty in social situations that I still face today I visited a therapist to discuss these issues and I believe I will need to continue therapy for these issues as well as the realization that I am a victim of sexual assault the impact this continued assault had on my childhood and my growth as an adult is something I'm forced to confront and will cope with indefinitely my perspective of medical professionals is damaged and I have a difficult time trusting treatment opinions because I feel that I have been deceived manipulated and used to satisfy Larry sexual desires I will never regain what I've lost and I will learn to cope with a lack of faith in a system that failed me from Larry Nassar to the institutions that supported him for many many years as an alumni of Michigan State University I am disgusted to my core that this man was able to harm so many under their responsibility the pride I had in my alma mater is tarnished and diminishing as this continues to progress I didn't choose to stand and publicly share my story until earlier this week last year when headlines started coming out about these salts and I had filed my report I was sitting alone for lunch at McAlister's Deli it was crowded in the ladies sitting at the table next to me we're having a conversation about their friend Larry I sat frozen as they talked about these girls who were making up these lies just for the attention little did they know that one of those girls who I promised you would have been very happy with no attention at all was sitting next to them with tears falling down onto her plate as I stand here today I am NOT the woman sitting in McCallister's unable to find the voice to give these grown women a piece of her mind I am also not the fifteen-year-old kid afraid of disappointing the adults in her life I am able to stand here today in front of my abuser with an army of strong powerful women behind me asking that this man that hurt all of us withers away for the rest of his life I have a choice to make every day on how I will grow and while we all are moving mountains you Larry will have no choice but to sit in prison and wait to die thank you your honor thank you so much you aren't just moving mountains you are saving other's lives as well who have heard your strong boys you are strong and powerful to the core you are confident you are more than just survivor victim I think you are unstoppable your words ring so true and they are meaningful beyond this courtroom beyond across the world people are hearing you and you're making a difference you're not letting those other people who didn't listen to you I didn't want to listen to you who are in that next booth not knowing who you are they know who you are we have heard you you are strong you've made a tidal wave and it's growing thank you so much for being here you're amazing thank you your honor [Applause] JJ I'm told the next survivor initially had asked us to beat on her behalf um Your Honor this is a meal a body and her mother and her boyfriend are accompanying her at the podium placed on the screen at photograph of Amy as well thank you thank you for being here could you please date and spell your name for the record yes Amy labadie a my la da di e thank you would you like me to know on September 12 2016 I was getting ready for bed and was on my phone looking through news articles and came across the article that was published in the indie star about NASA former USA Gymnastics doctor accused of abuse I can still remember reading this and not being able to comprehend what I was reading at first and thinking there's no way this is true this can't be true I remember telling Steve did you read the article about the gymnastics doctor and him asking me I gave him a brief recount about the victim and what NASA did to her I remember him saying something like it's horrible world sometimes I guess we will see how it unfolds and then I just dropped to the floor I swear I went completely blank after that and it almost felt like I blacked out from the world I know he asked me if that happened to me and I told him yes but went silent won't words for the majority of the night it was one of those cries so intense that you can't speak I was in complete shock and had no idea at the time the immense emotions my body was going through Steve just kept trying to hug me and I kept pushing away and sobbing the next day I went through the workday feeling the worst I've ever felt in my entire life not knowing how I was going to tell my mom when I got home from work I took my dog for a walk and then called her I asked her if she had read the article she said no I explained that I was about to tell her something horrible that it was not her fault I told her about Nasser molesting you during the doctor's visit sir MSU sports medicine when he went down there for when we went down there for my back injury I told her I couldn't believe that I didn't know he molested me until I read the article she asked me questions like what do you mean I was in the room with you how could he have done this to you while I was there I had to explain that he must have done it in a way that he could not that she could not see his hands I asked her if NASA asked if he could do this to me or if she could think of any reason why this could be she said no to all of it I remember being in complete denial hoping my mom could do what she always does and comfort me as she always does but nothing she said to me could take away the shock that was running through my body I loved gymnastics I started at the age of seven or eight and it was competing level five by the age of nine it was everything to me to put on my long sleeve leo warm-up jacket slicked back my hair with an inch of gel so tightly secured with my scrunchies I competed all the way through high school my family devoted so much time to driving me to practice four to five days a week and traveling around the state and country to meet all these years in August of 2005 I sought out NASA in hopes of getting treatment for my back it was recommended I go see him after months and months of pain he was said to be a world-renowned doctor the best gymnastics doctor in the world it made me and everybody that knew him believe he was a doctor that could fix you frankly I was starstruck to even be walking into his office doctors of his high of stature and any doctor are to be inherently trusted I now realized this level of celebrity status was a strong basis for his manipulation between August and December of o-5 I went down to Michigan State sports medicine office three to four times the first time I walked into his office he had me put on these shorts they had a drawstring but the bottoms of these shorts were really wide there's no one else in the room aside from my mother in gymnastics coach when he put his fingers in my vagina and anus he would move my legs back and forth while holding my knee I remember the pain I felt from him rubbing my legs and back I remember this lasting for a long time he sexually assaulted me while he was supposed to be healing me he did this for the pleasure of his own good not for any other reason I ended up getting a bacterial infection after he did this one of the times because he put his fingers from my anus to my vagina without gloves he never wore gloves when he did this I had no idea what he was doing and that it was sexual assault or any type of abuse as a 16 year old I had never touched I had never been touched in this way before but looking back on it now that is absolutely disgusting to think about the same thing happened every single time I saw him at Michigan State University in January of oh six I was at my team's season kickoff meet the Vegas style Invitational in Lansing Michigan hosted by twisters gymnastics when the infamous John get heard this was always my favorite meat of beer not only because it was the first meet of the year but also because twists ours was known as the best term in the state I always wish my parents would move to Lansing so I could go to twist ours little did I know who was that this meat that I was sexually assaulted on two separate occasions by NASA he took me into the back locker room that connected between the me and the twisters training gym I remember my mom asking do you want me to come with you to and him saying no he had me take my clothes off and molested me on the training table he then had me put my Leo back on we went into the twist arts gym while he watched me flip he molested me again and sent me on my way to my competition my vagina was sore during my competition because of this man how disgusting is that to even say out loud it baffles me that John guttered would knowingly allow his team's doctor to see patients during their hosted meet with no documentation of who NASA was seeing or what they were being treated for actually doesn't baffle me at all it makes perfect sense John guttered was Larry Nasser's Bonni to his Clyde as much as we would like to sit here and think Nasser got away with this and no one knew that's John knew I went to school at Michigan State University from 2007 to 2011 and graduated with a degree from Eli Broad College of Business one of the main reasons I chose this school is because I accepted the position of the team manager for MSU gymnastics I was the manager for the team for three years I volunteered 20 to 40 hours a week during school to go to all the practices travel to all the meets and spend countless hours building team camaraderie outside of the gym I loved it I loved the girls I loved the dedication and Shirley loved being in the gym I used to be so proud to tell people I was the manager of the gymnastics team I gave him miss you my everything but that is all change now I can't get over the fact that MSU could have done something to prevent this from happening to me and the individuals that turned a blind eye to the monster that is Larry Nasser I no longer am proud to have graduated from Michigan State University I have lost all hope that the institution of this stature is trustworthy and has the students and athletes best interest at heart I have suffered mentally over the last year and a half which has greatly affected my home and work life a lot of nowhere become angry getting fights with my boyfriend about things that I never would have in the past I sometimes take it out on Steve like it's his fault but it's not I just can't get this monster out of my head I used to be able to work much more efficiently and never let my emotions get in the way of my success the depression from this has caused me to miss work more than I ever used to and not be able to stay positive on work days it is impossible to suppress the negative emotions and anger that are from Nasser's conduct I am doing my best to keep this job and pray every day that I get through this I know I'm going to have to seek medical advice to get through all of this you have to understand though it's not easy even thinking about going to see a doctor I don't trust doctors anymore now I always struggle with letting someone who is called the doctor try to fix you I feel like I have lost all enjoyment in life never been depressed before and used to not think depression was even a thing until now I don't want to get out of bed I don't want to go to work I don't want to take a shower I don't want to go out of my house or do anything I used to go do yoga and play sports with my boyfriend and haven't done any of that since I found out Nasir assaulted me I used to spend time with my friends and enjoy myself but I just feel like I'm too anxious and stressed out now to be around anyone I have lost countless hours of sleep I've been struggling with the worst nightmares ever I have lost weight and have trouble eating sometimes because I don't have an appetite it's disgusting what Nasser did is affecting my whole life work friendships my family my sexual relationship my physical and mental state it's hard to see into the future and think that this will not affect me forever any way you look at it I am fearful that if justice is not served this sets a precedent for other medical professionals out there that could be doing the same thing all that I can hope for now is that seeing him locked up behind bars for the rest of his life for what he has done to me and all of us will bring some peace and knowing that he will never see the light of day again I also strongly hope that me standing here today giving this horrifying impact statement will provide all of the people of this world the strength to know when a monster is in front of your face and that no job no status no level of greatness and no gold medals are worth hundreds of little girls being sexually assaulted we must find a way to prevent this from happening ever again children are naive and do not have voices but we as adults do the force of these other women and myself is fierce come hell or high water we will take every last one of you down that could have stopped this monster thank you your fierce fierceness will help prevent not only this what you say it's a monster I'm not disagreeing but using your words she's lunch but if you will prevent him and others like him with your fierceness I need you to leave your nightmares here with him between the federal court this court and judge Cunningham he's not getting out you've given him a nightmare one that he will relive over and over again you are joining with your sister survivors and strength in numbers the numbers are growing and your voice matters you matter get out enjoy your life because without that he's winning don't let him win you're right gold medals all of that nothing matters life matters you need to live yours have a golden life I want you to live it yes all right I love the smile it's bad keep it [Applause] judge the next survivor to speak just also made the decision to to be publicly identified and this is Ashley yes thank you for being here please date and spell your name for the record Ashley Yost hey sh l ey y ou s T alright so you're next to that microphone keep your voice up and just talk at a pace we can understand and your mom is here with you is that right mm-hmm all right so mom if you need to hug her you're holding hands that's great ready to proceed yes first I would like to thank you for allowing that only me but every other survivor blurryness are speak their truth and have their voices heard Your Honor I've started restarted this impact statement multiple times that's because I never really knew where to begin I also feel that Larry Nasser doesn't deserve to know how I've been impacted he doesn't deserve to know anything about me my life anymore but this letter isn't for him it's for you judge talk Alina it's to show you the gravity of the actions than Who I am now because of them this is why I chose today chose to be here today and chose to read this letter myself in front of everyone I still don't know right where to really start this everything about this whole situation is chaotic and messy and my thoughts are never very clear it feels like I have so much to say about everything but yet nothing at the same time my mind can't really focus on what Larry Nassau dead for too long because it seems like it'll be just too much if I do I thought I knew NASA we all thought we did when I was 16 I job shot at him in high school he was the reason I was so interested in the medical field and specializing in sports medicine he was the reason I wanted to help gymnast in the future when I was still thinking of becoming a doctor I thought it would be the most amazing thing in the world to somehow have him as a mentor now I know how wrong all of his intentions were the first time I stepped into one of the two exam rooms Larry Nasser had a few sports man I was 12 the last time was in June of 2016 making me 24 that's 12 years of knowing him and one half of my life being treated by him he had a reputation for being one of the best gymnastics sports medicine doctors in the world and for him to be located so close to where I live seemed like the best luck ever it was only when I reflected on that very first report by Rachel with Ben Hollander that I began to put the pieces together Larry Nasser was not treating me but using me he was not the best gymnastics sports medicine doctor he misused his willpower in order to abuse dedicated and hardworking athletes I don't even consider him to be a doctor anymore because a true doctor cares for their patients well-being while he's in the surf narcissistic gleam manipulated hits in NASCAR's exam rooms there were pictures letters and gifts dedicated to him from his patients and thinks of how much he had helped them I always loved walking around everyone been reading them trying to find out the newest thinks of this now I see that these were all just trophies to him he got to see everyday how he manipulated people while they had no idea what was going on he gave me a pen from one of the Olympics he had attended it made me feel so special at the time I had it sitting out on my desk and always noticed it whenever I walked by now it makes me feel sick he wanted me to feel special he wanted me to feel like he really cared because that's what a person like him does he would always ask about my family and how they were doing as what was sharing how his family's doing he would call me goof or my Ashley sometimes and I thought it was out of Karen China's now I see how wrong all of his hat was and how he manipulated me into thinking he actually cared I also looked back seeing how unnecessary his actions were there were times when he would go through his routine but without penetration and I would still feel better it only clicked with me after all the news reports how he never should have had to use penetration in the first place if I was able to feel better without it it also makes sense how he used distraction to never really let me think about what he was doing he would hold a conversation with me for the entirety of the visit so that I would had something to focus on he used his personal life and his family to make it seem as if he actually cared and would ask about mine as well it's difficult to say how his actions have fully impacted me I think that's because I still haven't completely processed everything part of me wants to believe that this is all just some horrible nightmare and everything is okay the other part knows that that's what brooming does to you makes you second-guess yourself and question reality it makes you want to feel sympathy towards your assaulter because i was groomed for so long starting at such a young age this whole ordeal is still something I struggle with there's one part of me that when hearing the other girl's stories of how he made them feel special has actually made me feel hurt I know that this reaction is the result of what he did to me however there's another part of me that knows I'm a part of this community of strong and powerful beautiful courageous women in the very beginning of all this it was difficult to think that he was capable of being this type of person a monster mine fully rejected the thought in the beginning and for a long time despite eventually acknowledging the situation I would disassociate myself from being a part of it I'm slowly accepting everything for what it is and working on scene sorry for the monster he is that is also why I chose to be here today the last time I saw Larry he was still this well renown doctor who knew how to help me with my back pain I was sad that I was going to be treated by him anymore the mental image I still have as a positive one I needed to be here today so that I can change that I need to see what my new reality is I need to change 12 years worth of knowing a person I'm feeling and feeling that I could trust them completely I've been in therapy every week for the past year plus now trying to learn coping skills for my fears and learnings trust myself and instincts again in the past I have struggled with anxiety depression and suicidal thoughts with no explanation this was prior to understanding what NASA had been really doing to me I still struggle with anxiety and depression although I have yet to completely accept all the events that have happened this past year I do have these moments where reality hits me and it hits hard I feel like I can't breathe I can't think straight and everything feels upside down and this is something my family has to deal with sorry they have they have to watch me have these breakdowns and I know it hurts them because there's nothing that can really do to help I have to work through it on my own my brain has to my brain has to process the magnitude of the situation I still try to keep my breakdowns private so that my family doesn't have to suffer the consequences of masters actions but I remember one breakdown in particular no sorry I can't because real quick I had a complete moment of clarity and understanding of who knows I really is and what he's done and I ran it to my parents room sobbing out of control I remember grabbing my head and banging it on the bed trying to get the thoughts out I also remember vaguely hearing my parents in the background trying to calm me down it took a while but I managed to calm down with their health and sleeping in their bed for the rest of the night that's something or 25 year old shouldn't have to do sleep in their parents bed because they're afraid of the monsters but it's happened more than once now and to be honest I'm not sure when it will stop another thing that's affected me is how a few done how I view doctors I'm very picky about what doctor I see and that's because I was born with an auto inflammatory disease Larry Nassar used to be one of my favorite doctors it always seemed like he was trying to help my disease make it better and I was so grateful for that now I know this was a part of his manipulation I never know I'll never know if he truly cared about my disease and my health or if it was all just a facade in order to get me to see him again now when I see doctors I can't help but second-guess their intentions and I'm never alone with them I need someone there with me in order to feel comfortable and safe this is also something a 25 year old shouldn't have to do right now because of all of this I don't trust males at all apart from my immediate family and only a few select friends I don't want to have any action with them I don't like them being near me I don't like having to talk to them I'm the thought of ever being in a relationship right now makes me feel nauseated this response might seem extreme but I can't seem to help it right now my anxiety skyrockets whenever I have to interact with a guy my anxiety seems to worsen in general things that shouldn't make me anxious in life now caused me worry at time so it doesn't have to eat anything going wrong for me to all of a sudden feel this heavy weight on my chest and like I can't breathe these types of attacks happen more often than I wish they did and when I'm in that moment it seems as if he'll never stop the hardest part about this whole thing is that I'll never know why why layering as I did this why he chose to prey on children and what his fascination with gymnastics is I'll never know if he even cared about the health of his patients or if me and the doctor was just a way to get easier access to victims has he always been like this I didn't become like this over time as someone who has their degree in psychology I will never understand why all of this happened it's one thing to be an outside observer to something such as this than it is to have it directly happen to you the fact that I'll never have answers to so many questions it's something I struggle with daily I know that accepting the fact is something I don't have to come to terms with but right now I'm still confused angry and hurt I think a part of me will always need this way and the feeling will just get less and less over time I know I'll never be the same person that I was before I found out the truth so much about me and the way I view life has changed some of it good and some bad I also know that my brain is still continuing to absorb and process all the information and that's okay one day I will have complete clarity of the person Larry Nasser is and I'll be able to handle it I know my breakdowns and anxiety attacks are temporary I know that even though sometimes sometimes I just want to give in and hide away from everyone I'm stronger than what happened to me I refuse to let a monster control the rest of my life so even if I shake him this entire time I've started to cry it doesn't matter I'm here standing on my own two feet in front of my assaulter and I hope he and everyone else in this room knows who will win this battle in the end thank you Rachel started it you are all winning all of us judges I've heard you I hear you in regard to sentencing you can't make sense of crime your Y will not be answered I think that's okay with you you are in control you proved that here today you need to leave your anxiety here and live your life there's nothing confusing about what you said you said in what you read that you're confused you're not confused you have clarity you've got that because you were writing that I think as you stand here publicly and acknowledge that you are strong that you are able to face him tell him what he did you are helping heal not just yourself with countless others and making others strong with your words that counts for so much I've heard you I will do the right thing I hope maybe not everybody will agree with it that's my decision to make but you and your sister survivors have been and will be part of all of that stand tall keep talking you are in control thank you thank you [Applause] you next judges you've noted that number has changed during the course of the week and the next survivor you will hear from is one of those women who had reached out and requested to come and speak today I am so happy she did she has previously been publicly identified however I will let you know as I've indicated she's on the screen Aly Raisman will be the next survivor thank you please date and spell your name for the record okay al e ex a and d ra ra is a man thank you your honor thank you for the opportunity to make this statement here today and thank you for providing the time and flexibility for all the other brave survivors to make their statement each survivor deserves to be heard equally I didn't think I would be here today I was scared and nervous it wasn't until I started watching the impact statements from the other brave survivors that I realized I too needed to be here Larry you do realize now that we this group of women you so heartlessly abused over such a long period of time are now a force and you are nothing the tables have turned Larry we are here we have our voices and we are not going anywhere and now Larry it's your turn to listen to me there is no map that shows you the pathway to healing realizing that you are a survivor of sexual abuse is really hard to put into words I cannot adequately capture at the level of disgust I feel when I think about how this happened Larry you abuse the power and Trust I and so many others placed in you and I am not sure I will ever come to terms without horribly you manipulated and violated me you are the USA Gymnastics national team doctor the Michigan I'm doctor you were trusted by so many and took advantage of countless athletes and their families the effects of your actions are far-reaching abuse goes way beyond the moment often haunting survivors for the rest of their lives making it difficult to trust and impacting their relationships it is all the more devastating when such abuse comes at the hand of such a highly regarded doctor since it leaves survivors questioning the organisations and even the medical profession itself upon which so many rely I am here to face you Larry so you can see I've regained my strength that I'm no longer a victim I'm a survivor I am no longer that little girl you met in Australia where you first began grooming and manipulating as for your letter yesterday you are pathetic to think that anyone would have any sympathy for you you think this is hard for you imagine how all of us feel imagine how it feels to be an innocent teenager in a foreign country hearing a knock on the door and it's you I don't want you to be there but I don't have a choice treatments with you were mandatory you took advantage of that you even told on us if we didn't want to be treated by you knowing full well the troubles that would cause for us lying on my stomach with you on my bed insisting that you're in appropriate touch would help to heal my pain the reality is you caused me a great deal of physical mental and emotional pain you never healed me you took advantage of our passions and our dreams you made me uncomfortable and I thought you were weird but I felt guilty because you were a doctor so I assumed I was the problem for thinking badly of you I wouldn't allow myself to believe that the problem with you from the time we were little we are taught we are taught to trust doctors you are so sick I can't even comprehend how angry I feel when I think of you you lied to me manipulated me to think that when you treated me you are closing your eyes because you had been working hard when you are really touching me an innocent child to pleasure yourself imagine feeling like you have no power and no voice well you know what Larry I have both power and voice and I am only beginning to just use them all these brave women have power and we will use our voices to make sure you get what you deserve a life of suffering spent replaying the words delivered by this powerful army of survivors I am also here to tell you to your face Larry that you have not taken gymnastics away from me I love this sport and that love is stronger than the evil that resides in you and those who enabled you to hurt many people you already know you're going away to a place where you won't be able to hurt anybody ever again but I am here to tell you that I will not rest until every last trace of your influence on this sport has been destroyed like the cancer it is your abuse started 30 years ago but that's just the first reported incident we know of if over these many years just one adult listened and had the courage and character to act this tragedy could have been avoided I and so many others would have never ever met you Larry you should have been locked up a long long time ago fact is we have no idea how many people you victimized or what was done or not done that allowed you to keep doing it and to get away with it for so long over those 30 years when survivors came forward adult after a dull many in positions of authority protected you telling each survivor it was okay that you weren't abusing them in fact many adults had you convinced the survivors that they were being dramatic or had been mistaken this is like being violated all over again how do you sleep at night you are the decorated by USA Gymnastics in the United States Olympic Committee both of wit which put you on advisory boards and committees to come up with policies that would protect athletes from this kind of abuse you are the person they had quote take the lead of athlete care you are the person they say quote provided the foundation for our medical system I cringe to think that your influence remains in the policies that are supposed to keep athletes safe that these organizations have four years claimed quote state of the art to believe in the future of gymnastics is to believe in change but how are we to believe in change when these organizations aren't even willing to acknowledge the problem it's easy to put out statements talking about how athlete care is the highest priority but they've been saying that for years and all the while this nightmare was happening false assurances from organizations are dangerous especially when people want so badly to believe them they make it easier to look away from the problem and enable bad things to continue to happen and even now after all that has happened USA Gymnastics has the nerve to say the very same things and is said all along can't you see how disrespectful that is can't you see how much that hurts a few days ago USA Gymnastics put out a statement attributed to its president and CEO Carrie Perry saying she came to listen to the courageous woman and said quote their powerful voices leave an indelible imprint on me and will impact my decision as president and CEO every day this sounds great miss Perry but at this point talk is cheap you left midway through the day and no one has heard from you or the board Carrie I have never met you and I know you weren't around for most of this but you accepted the position of president and CEO of USA Gymnastics and I assume by now you are very well aware of the weighty responsibility you've taken on unfortunately you've taken on an organization that I feel is rotting from the inside and while this may not be what you thought you were getting into you will be judged by how you deal with it a word of advice continuing to issue statements of empty promises thinking that will pacify us will no longer work yesterday USA Gymnastics announced that it was terming its lease at the ranch were so many of we're abused I am glad that it is no longer a national team training site but USA Gymnastics neglected to mention that they had athletes training there the day they released the statement USA Gymnastics where is the honesty where is the transparency why must the manipulation continue neither USA Gymnastics nor the USOC have reached out to express sympathy or even offer support not even to ask how did this happen what do you think we can do to help why have I and others here probably not heard anything from the leadership at the USOC why has the United States Olympic Committee been silent why isn't the USOC here right now Larry was the Olympic doctor and he molested me at the 2012 London Olympic Games they say now they applaud those who have spoken out but it's easy to say that now when the brave women who started speaking out back then more than a year after the USOC says they knew about Nasser they were dismissed at the 2016 Olympic Games the president the USOC said that the USOC would not conduct an investigation and even defended USA Gymnastics as one of the leaders in developing policies to protect athletes that's the response a courageous woman gets when she speaks out and when others join those athletes and began speaking out with more stories of abuse were they acknowledged no it is like being abused all over again I have represented the United States of America in two Olympics and have done so successfully in both USA Gymnastics and the United States Olympic Committee have been very quick to capitalize and celebrate my success but did they reach out when I came forward No so at this point top is worthless to me we're dealing with real lives in the future of our sport we need to believe this won't happen again for this sport to go on we need to demand real change and we need to be willing to fight for it it's clear now that if we leave it up to these organizations history is likely to repeat itself to know what changes are needed requires us to understand what exactly happened and why it has happened this is a painful process but it's the only way to identify all the factors that contributed to this problem and how they can be avoided in the future this is the only way to learn from these mistakes and make gymnastics a safer sport if ever there was a need to fully understand a problem it is this one right now to accept that problem is limited to just what we know now is irresponsible delusional even each new day seems to bring a new survivor we have no idea just how much damage you caused Larry and we have no idea how deep these problems go now is the time to acknowledge that the very person who sits here before us now who perpetrated the worst epidemic of sexual abuse in the history of sports who is going to be locked up for a long long time this monster was also the architect of policies and procedures that are supposed to protect athletes from sexual abuse for both USA Gymnastics and the USOC if we are to believe in change we must first understand the problem and everything that contributed to it now is not the time for false reassurances we need an independent investigation of exactly what happened what went wrong and how it can be avoided for the future only then can we know what changes are needed only thank we believe such changes are real your honor I asked you to give Larry the strongest possible sentence which is actions deserve for by doing so you will send a message to him and two other abusers that they cannot get away with their horrible crimes they will be exposed for the evil they are and they will be punished to the maximum extent of the law let this dent let this sentence strike fear and anyone who thinks it is okay to hurt another and abusers your time is up the survivors are here standing tall and we are not going anywhere and please your honor stress the need to investigate how this happened so we can hold accountable those who empowered and enabled Larry Nasser so we can repair and once again believe in this wonderful sport my dream is that one day everyone will know what the words need to signify but they will be educated and able to protect themselves from predators like Larry so they will never ever ever have to say the words me too thank you [Applause] that was well deserved thank you I'm an adult I'm listening I'm sorry took this long but I assure you that all of the words that you and your sister survivors have said and we'll say are being considered for sentencing I have to say there's a new state of the art it's called Ally rest music from graceful and he kicked and Rachel and every woman and parent and the doctors I heard from that state of the art is change it cannot remain I agree with you in regard to the ranch I read that I didn't know there were still people there I have no words for that I think though they've heard you and you were never the problem but you are so much the solution you are unstoppable you are part of an unstoppable growing force and unstoppable strong loud voice the effects of your voice are far-reaching it's not just in this courtroom part world why didn't I know that even if the cameras weren't here you are going to continue I also I can't how you're one of the strongest survivors we've been in front of me I can't tell where you are on your healing you don't I don't want you to disclose that to me but you words I think from my perspective sitting here and listening to countless people talking about this and there are more you are so strong you are that example to all of those other survivors that they can be you not just as an Olympian as a woman as a strong survivor as a voice so the new state-of-the-art Allen that's you thank you thank you so much [Applause] judge I might normally apologize for the next speaker to have to follow alley but I am confident she is just as fierce she has decided to be identified publicly and she will be accompanied by her father so let me introduce you to Cassie Powell and her father Doug Powell who is a law enforcement officer as well thank you for being here would you please state and spell your name Cassie Powell ka SS IE p o wel l thank you what would you like me to know for the last year I have lived behind the shadows of the name Jane Doe I was afraid to be identified as myself and didn't want to accept this as my story so Jane Doe was a nice name to push my pain and confusion off on but I can't push it off anymore this happened to me and I have a name my name is Cassie Powell I was a pole vaulter and javelin thrower on the track and field team at Michigan State University I've spent so many agonizing hours and days breaking down trying to come up with the words to adequately express the point I want to get across here today in order to do so I need to start at the beginning your honor okay sorry your honor if it's okay with you I'll be addressing the defendant directly for a lot of the statement you may I still remember the first time I ever saw you Larry March 26 2010 my Uncle Mike had referred me to you as he knew that you were work he knew you from working with you at twist stars I was 16 years old with dreams and aspirations that were larger than my hands could possibly grasp I had so much potential both in physical and mental capacities you knew what pole vault meant to me and you knew how desperately I needed help and relief from pain you rushed ordered me to get an MRI that day telling me that you thought I had cancerous tumors or perhaps osteoid osteoma might ring a bell you said I had cancerous tumors you thought I had cancerous tumors pressing against my spine and possibly fracturing vertebrae tell it what confuse fear and sadness rushed over my entire being I had a family wedding that night and you called during the wedding telling my parents and I that it came back negative for tumors but my l2 l3 vertebra is were fractured I felt so helpless but so special and cared for all at the same time you really know how to make young girls think they need you don't you I came back the next week and you fitted me for a back brace giving me advice as I was preparing to compete in Texas at the Youth Olympic Trials you gave me an Olympic track and field sweatshirt and I swear I wore that thing around my house for weeks on end because I truly believed I was where exactly where I needed to be to make my dream of becoming an Olympian come true oh how you had me fooled that was the day you massaged my glutes with your hands down my pants you mentioned that medical procedures would work better if I shaved around my private areas I remember the first time you used your bare fingers to penetrate me my mom stood at my head while your hands made their way under a towel and under my spandex and shorts in fear and unfamiliarity I remember looking around frantically and as I looked left to your figure staining over I saw a bulge in your pants I walked out of the office that day feeling incredibly dirty and nauseous now let me explain that really quickly I have been in counseling for the last year and it was asked to me in counseling did penis ever cross her mind and when I was asked that question I it became evidently clear to me that that is exactly what I saw that day so I will go on I walked out of the office that day feeling incredibly dirty and nauseous a feeling that I have most recently come to know as trauma and distrust my mom looked at me while we got in the car to leave and before we pulled away she said Cass are you okay you look like you've seen a ghost I replied I think I'm okay but I don't ever want him to do that again the 35 minute car ride home felt like 35 hours as I didn't speak and sat in silence trying to wrap my mind around why I felt so nauseated the next appointment my mom not knowing that you had your fingers inside her 16 year old daughter the week before kindly told you what you did last time was really uncomfortable and she'd prefer if he didn't do it again she spoke for me as you had already stolen the voice confidence and innocence of that girl as you can see I still struggle referring to that young girl as I or me as I struggle accepting that for six years I thought you genuinely wanted to help me and you were merely using me for your own selfish desires to get off on unfortunately to no one's surprise it didn't stop there because I trusted that it surely wouldn't happen again if we told you not to do it again wrong you started a routine as we've heard many talk about each time I came in asking about my uncle and how he was he would have me stand in front of you and bend over so that I would bend over so that you could check my alignment my of my hips you tap on the table telling me to lay on my back you'd start by cracking my neck my upper back my lower back by standing on each side of me to rotate my upper body all normal right what was it normal is that you would constantly have your hands on me making your way from the left side of my body running your hand down my left hip and leg only to make your way up my right side you had you'd have me flip to my stomach feeling the ribs on my upper back one of my first visits you had me sit up after feeling your way up my upper back standing beside behind me you lifted my shirt from the back and your left hand made its way under my armpit under my sports bra and around my left breast cupping it in your hand and massaging it yet again fear and panic ran through my mind as I had no idea what was happening you had your right hand gently on my right shoulder with no pressure anywhere just holding and massaging my left breast to this day I still don't know why I remember you asking me if it felt better and I quickly just said yes as I wanted it to stop and didn't know why you were doing in the first place I'm still comprehending and accepting that that's just what you did over and over isn't it take advantage of young girls because we all just trusted what you were doing back to your routine though after making your way up my upper back he would grab a towel tuck it into my waistband grab the cocoa butter spread it on my lower back and hamstrings and while your left forearm slid its way up and down my lower back in hamstrings your right hand would make its way under the towel and under my spandex while your drag loveless fingers forced their way into me pressing in and pulling so hard against the outer wall that I could have screamed but like athletes do I just gritted my teeth as to not look weak but you always made sure to make me feel weak anyway by telling me that I have a weak cheerleader but every single time I saw you but I can't even say that because I didn't always come to your office to see you did I know you texted me before but my Big Ten championships my junior year to see if I needed anything before leaving from West Lafayette and asked me to come over to your house yet again I thought you cared but you just wanted to be in your own back yard to put your fingers inside of me did it make you feel powerful to get away with never having accountability or oversight even when there was some someone shadowing you or any assistant in the room you made sure to advise them to leave the room saying I'm all set you can go or you can step out for this part like it was no big deal even more interesting when I met ik trainers came with me to your appointments you would not touch me in the same ways you understand how sickening and painful it is to look back at all of this no you don't you made that evidently clear when you wrote what you were saying that what we are saying is not strong enough for criminal charges I was recently asked if you could go back and change anything what would you change the answer is nothing what does a young girl supposed to do in times of fear tell their mom and plead for it to stop I did those things I now stripe a believing my voice means anything or holds any weight to anyone I feel unheard and at most times helpless when Rachel came forward last September thank you by the way I initially did not want to believe it again because I didn't want to accept that this is part of my story unfortunately my memory works all too well for this madness and as I started going to counseling it all started to add up one plus one plus one plus 45 equals 48 48 times over six years I believe you were helping me and now I know you were using your authority and status to harm me and countless other young girls because of you I struggled to trust anyone even god I contemplate how God could allow something like this to happen to me and so many others but it wasn't God that caused this it was you Larry Nasser because of you being helped in use go hand in hand I pushed away everyone I've ever loved or has ever loved me oftentimes lashing out at them because I question everyone's intentions happy extroverted carefree adventurous Cassie has been lost as you've stolen left me with a void and feeling of emptiness and lost deeper than words can express I've explained today January 19 2018 to friends and family as my own funeral and this is my own obituary because I now mourn the loss of so many parts of who I was you stole my innocence my voice my trust my joy and years of my life that I won't get back so many times I've contemplating ending my own life thinking that torturing myself would be better than accepting this truth because at least then I would have control over the pain I have hurt my dearest friends and family who have undergone undo misdirected anger and undue stress from this whole process you have destroyed my psyche and now the pain and dysfunction doesn't just affect me and every other girl involved in this but it's transferred to all of those around us I am haunted by reoccurring nightmares of the abuse and I wake up screaming crying and in cold sweats many nights there's no sanctuary from this mental torment I want so badly to love and accept and to be loved and accepted but at the same time I'm so scared and terrified that everyone is just gonna harm me like you have I trusted you for years how am i how am I ever supposed to trust anyone is who they say they are I struggled to breathe in panic and anxiety when I think about that you put immense fear pain and hate into my heart what is ironic about that is yesterday we became aware that you are really concerned about your ability to handle listening to impact statements for days really you can't handle for days you really think that we can handle the torment and humiliation that you've caused our mentality and status for the rest of our lives the scripture says a thief comes only to kill steal and destroy you are a thief Larry Ness are I now live in fear darkness sadness and pain the craziest part is that I am ashamed that I was assaulted and have carried that shame with me I am a shame that I was looking at your pants that day and know you had an erection I'm ashamed to speak of my pain because I don't want to be going through this living hell so why would I share that weight with anyone else do you understand what shame does to a person it isolates them no human wants to look their father or mother brother sister friends or family in the eyes and tell them how they were used I shut everyone out and sat alone in a lot of this darkness I graduated from Michigan State in 2015 and moved to Nashville Tennessee where I was managing a medical facility every day I watch patients walk in desperate for help and sat in my own mental agony facing flashbacks and triggers that were unbearable unable to handle the medical setting and unsure of what to do with my professional life in order to make a living I was encouraged to pursue it I loved coaching I was given an opportunity to come back to Michigan State as a graduate assistant for the track and field team I had a choice stay in Nashville and struggle to focus on anything else outside of this consuming de-stress or come back to East Lansing and face all of this head-on walking the same sidewalks and hallways I did when you were abusing me neither of those are they I chose to run back into a burning building with fire and debris all around me and Here I am still standing still pressing on in spite of you and in pursuit of my own dream to coach with the help of counselors medical professionals unlike yourself family friends and God's faithful and unfailing love I have hope that I will find healing and peace strength and dignity I now want to take a moment to thank many people February 1st of 2017 and 2/7 excuse me February 1st of 2017 was the day I decided to come forward after five months of understanding the war that was waged against me I want to thank my dad a retired law enforcement officer for helping me make that call and for being my human dictionary and hero when I didn't understand what was happening legally mentally emotionally the list goes on I want to thank Detective Andrea Mumford for graciously receiving the call and gently walking with me through the process from start to finish thank you to my counselors for helping me understand the utter confusion that comes from being both helped and harmed at the very same time and for helping me believe that tears don't always mean you're weak that sometimes tears are evidence of strength thank you to my incredible parents brother and sister who have listened to me talk in circles never judge me and have helped me stand thank you to my roommates Matt and Jill for giving me a safe place to live when I didn't know what the word safe meant anymore to my best friend Erica who has been so present encouraging forgiving patient and loving thank you thank you to everyone involved in the trial and for their endless time and attention j-jack Molina I want to personally thank you for taking the time to hear us all out and for validating the strength it takes to stand up against this evil thank you for restoring us with a little bit of dignity by calling us heroes against an epidemic after Larry pled guilty and for Kim continuing to do so day after day this week and finally to every girl involved here thank you for your bravery for your vulnerability and for your strength when you felt anything but strong I have struggled thinking about this day and all the emotions that would bring I was so afraid of standing up here looking this man in the eyes because I knew that staring evil in the eyes would take strength that I do not have in and of myself I knew I was walking into a situation that would bring closure yes but also I knew that it would what I was walking into today would bring would cause more nightmares and flashbacks for days and nights to come I've reminded myself that my God my Savior also walked into a situation where he was abused mocked and terrified but he did it in order that we may have life I remind myself that Esther was put in a situation for such a time as this so that her people would find relief and deliverance the same thing every one of us is seeking here this week I remember the story of Joseph in Genesis 50:20 you meant evil against me Larry but God meant it for good I remind myself in Hebrews 10 30 June says mine says the Lord I will repay that one helps me sleep at night I remind myself that sometimes we are giving far more than we can handle so that we will fall on our faces and desperation for God to give us the strength for another day I remind myself that after crucifixion himself of self and humiliation on Friday Jesus rose on Sunday and so will we I remind myself that the Prophet Joe blows lost everything and thought he and thought and though he never got the answer to why he still believed that God is good and in the midst of great loss and immense pain he believed he was good we will never know the answer to why Larry NASA used all of us but I have to believe this suffering and pain will make us stronger so we must not walk away from here with our heads hung low but with pride in ourselves that we have stood firm against evil and stopped it there will be so many hard days ahead of memories followed by triggers causing pain and sadness fear and anger but on those days I pray we will all know we're not alone that we have each other and there are strength in numbers I prayed that God would help us find forgiveness and peace in the midst of all this forgiveness will look differently for all of us for me it will be a daily occurrence in battle Ephesians 4:31 32 says get rid of all bitterness rage and anger brawling and slander along with every form of malice be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God just as in Christ God forgave you I wish I could stand in front of you today and tell you that I forgive you Larry but it will be a daily fight to forgive you and to find healing in peace the hardest part about ending this statement is I know as soon as I walk away from this room I will think about a million other things I want to say what am I supposed to do with that I guess I'll find out as I go with that it will soon be time for Larry to reap what he has sown there's no grooming that can be done in the face of this Judge to blind her eyes to the evil heinous harm that you did it is time for justice to finally be served you hit four years behind Olympic rings in a Spartan head but there is now nowhere left for you to hide larry jackel alina i plead with you that you would give this man the maximum sentence thank you for your time thank you I want you to know first of all superwoman has nothing at you our amazing woman you all are this is the new generation of super women that we're hearing from you matter your voice means everything here I know you felt that you haven't had a voice but you've been her you stole your voice back and he will never have it or hear it again unless these words are played to him I absolutely adore your career choice being a coach with your wisdom intelligence and eyes wide open on behalf of everybody you coach is vital to the change that all of you are seeking and I applaud that please keep your voice going I've said it before I'm gonna keep saying it because it's an epidemic suicide shut you up doesn't like anything good happen except it is a very very sick type of person to commit crimes such as murder or assault so I would never do that I am so glad to hear that because I've heard it from most of you that it's crossed your mind and I just want to reinforce that we want you here we want your voice we want that super voice that super coach that you're going to and I'm so pleased that you came here keep up the good fight I'm gonna be watching and I don't know how you feel right now but I really feel like you are ten feet taller than when you came in my father also has a couple words I don't know if he's prepared or if you would be willing to hear them alright sir I need you to state and spell your name for the record my name is Doug Powell do you G Peter W jacquelina I find myself unfamiliar yet disturbing unfamiliar territory today as we appear here in your court I will do my very best to remain ethical politically correct as I address this court the defendant his counsel in this extremely emotionally charged issue may address the defendant inmate Nasir inmate Nasir that is what your name is and don't you forget that the media outlets that have so intently covered this hearing need to know your name your name is not dr. Nasir it is not mr. Nasir it is not Larry its inmate inmate 2 1 5 0 4 - 0 4 0 for your eternal life as a law enforcement correctional professional for over 32 years I speak for myself and my personal feelings that you do not deserve to be educated regarding your future you did not deserve to be educated on the how tubes how to fly a kite to a correctional officer to ask for a doctor how to fly a kite to ask how to fill out an engine engine inmate form how to fly a kite to ask how you use the inmate telephone system you do not deserve the winds when will those blue clothes you have on your back be washed when will those whites that are limited in your possession be laundered when will your blankets be laundered you do not deserve that the wares within those facilities and the watch out force you do not deserve to be educated in that as you are forever escorted from wall to wall because as we have all seen and you have proven you did not care to extend that courtesy for compassion to anyone yet you simply benefited from your pathetic narcissistic psychopathic agenda however I will educate you on some prisoner GATS language terms that you might want to understand as documented in a correctional textbook that I've used for lectures written by PhD Frank Mallard and smiling gir and PhD smelling her you want me spell it SCH M a ll eg ER and PhD John smiler s my KL a you will want to come familiar with these terms fish Chester diaper sniper diddler tree jumper just a list of few I hope these are gots are offensive to you because you are offensive to us however in my world and in my family's world that you have so conveniently destroyed you are a hog a hobby in May Nasir I pray and I'm sure this goes against severals opinion in this room but I pray that these county state and federal correctional staff that you will forever come in contact with perform their jobs to the best of their abilities to keep you alive and don't you dare try to manipulate the correctional facility and be a coward and harm yourself alive so you can live in fear as you had inflicted fear guilt and pain on these young women and Families fear the demons from the dark as we have done fear that you wake soaked in the night with sweat from the nightmares as I and my family have done fear for the safety sanity of your children wife and family as I and my family have done I want you to fear the pain of the futuristic death notifications that are certain to come your way as you remain locked within the walls unable to hold and console your family I want you to fear those dark corners unimaginable correctional corridors I want you to fear that bootie bandit that wants to make you as Punk I want you to fear and cry and no one to listen I want you to remain alive for your eternal life inside those walls I read up quote a few weeks back searching the internet for inspiring quotes and sayings just trying to help my girls play some sort of existence in daily life during all this darkness and nights and this quote resonates in my mind as I am a woodworker for therapeutic reasons and I paraphrase you and mate Nasser are like a piece of sandpaper and a woodworkers shop you scratch you dig and you will change the exterior and in this case the enthusiasm the internal Minds the trust and the dignity of so many but in the end those scratched and dug will become polished and beautiful and beautiful strong woman they are and they have rocked your world and you inmate Nasser will be discarded and thrown into the garbage like the garbage you are judge a Kalina as we approach the close to these four daunting days I ve emotionally charged statements I applaud you we applaud you this room applaud you your candor your demeanor your willingness willingness and understanding to listen to so many horrific stories I encourage you to impose the maximum sentence of by an inmate Nasir recommended by attorney pavel itis and her team i we eagerly wait for the closure of this hearing to hear your voice thank you you are also a survivor with that voice and your voice has also helped to shape now in the future others and Iraq defendants world I have heard you know things needed with me I know this seems unusual and it is unusual because of so many victims what I do this every day is all victims I'm not specially selecting this I know you all keep honoring me that way and I'm humbled but it's really not necessary you did your job out on the streets that's more than what I have ever done thank you sir thank you to your beautiful daughter you're quite a team thank you [Applause] all right at this time we are going to break for lunch until 130 130 thank you you

Channel: NBC News

Views: 2,430,375

Rating: 4.4224815 out of 5

Keywords: nbc news, breaking news, us news, world news, politics, nightly news, current events, top stories, pop culture, business, health, larry nassar, gymnastics, aly raisman, jordyn wieber, olympics, nassar, larry nassar victims, larry nassar sentencing, larry nassar trial, larry nassar statements, usa olympic doctor, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, team doctor sexual abuse, larry nassar team doctor, larry nassar sexual abuse testimonies

Id: 2WUEmrBG6Zc

Length: 217min 43sec (13063 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 19 2018