Lark Souls 3 - Episode 15: Lunchbag, the Ashen One

[Music] oh god why would you do that i unmuted our microphone and he immediately screams i'm just real quick uh opening chat on our laptop here oh i don't wanna alarm you but we're just ahead on top of a boulder with a hand sticking out oh yeah or mike wazowski oh yes mike wazowski cries a lot just tons it's like a river that's how anyway i got out of bounds oh [ __ ] oh we're not supposed to be here oh you were really out there yeah so i oh so i was doing this in dark souls 1. there's tons of places to get out of bounds and i googled it i like searched up i was like what are some [ __ ] like pointless areas that i can get stuck in oh this is good uh oh i'm flying i'm gonna actually quit out because you die if you fall for too long oh really it's a safeguard to keep you from getting stuck in that sort of situation which is cool mark yeah okay how do i explain word bone well i want to explore more oh i see so jumping is usually kind of [ __ ] yeah you can jump up i used to balls eat this [ __ ] up in games all the time i still eat this [ __ ] up this is like my absolute [ __ ] favorite thing to do i i had a blast doing this in dark souls randomized catch the full odds on the fruit salad channel gamers and don't forget [ __ ] dinner i'll take your kid too you'll never walk again and your kid will never see you again that's so [ __ ] up or are we stuck oh oh okay what's up oh man we're just going out this wall this is some amazing [ __ ] uh [ __ ] me i can't get out of here jump i feel like a foot i don't know that one flavor the grapefruit flavor yeah so we're this is one of the very last streams we're gonna do in this environment so savor those [ __ ] sirens while you can that's right you might never hear a siren ever again yeah yeah here we are so this is how it got up here like one of the games i used to do this for was twilight princess and you could like put a bomb down and like oh yeah jump dash on it and like it would launch you love that [ __ ] love it to death but there's actually like a pretty significant out of bounds area oh here's my souls i was like yeah this is cool oh god i'm like falling i've fallen actually this is so cool i fall so yeah look at this you can see whatever the [ __ ] that is it's like the undead settlement from a distance but we can only catch a glimpse of it but like a couple random chunks and here's just like a [ __ ] plane of wall that just disappears you know i don't know i love [ __ ] like this but if you go over here you die so yeah let's go over there let's just boom uh yeah that was a huge jump yeah like i said the jumps are a little broken oh yeah and the collision on the ground is a little broken too we're walking on sunshine i guess it makes sense all right anyway we're gonna go do the dlc we gotta see the buildings that are moving that we didn't see last time that's right yeah i really want to see that actually so that's what we're gonna do next no doom i am also naked i mean yes but i didn't want to draw attention to the elephant in the room it is hot here i don't know why are his clothes are yeah the elephant in the room being of course oh no so something i literally just learned about this game is that when you pause you have this your tool belt what the heck it's like a second hot bar so i put a few things in there some like pvp [ __ ] budding green blossom and this thing so we can disguise ourselves oh hell yeah yeah uh but the binocs are in there so we can take a peek but look at that buildings just like a slow cascade and you can honestly you can from seeing that you can really tell which parts of this are a 2d texture and which part because those are behind all the 3d models oh that's so cool that is really sick at i-m-h-o i saw there was this option in choir of the ring city i don't know if we did that oh it doesn't matter at world's end like pirates of the caribbean too oh my god um with dead man's chest oh it's probably the caribbean pretty [ __ ] you i'm a fake pirate of the caribbean fan absolutely fake giant deck's gonna come in here and he's gonna break his foot off in your ass we're going to the mausoleum lookout so i killed the adjudicator giant that was like going like oh and then all the archers like came up how'd you do that i just like lamed him out basically i like i hit him a few times ran ran on to the stairs went back and i just had to i had to keep running because there's either arrow guys or those like mace dudes mace windu that's right that is annoying i'm glad that guy's dead yeah well uh you know you say that and i did kill him but he respawns oh he comes back isn't that [ __ ] that is so miserable he comes back why what a jerk move he's like a mini boss and he comes back like [ __ ] off i literally never would have expected it yeah right it's so counterintuitive did she just die oh no i hope not oh god oh thank god jesus christ oh my god that was about there's a lot of things everywhere look at this oh she looks like a i'm not even gonna say she looks like something very distasteful that would someone would probably find in the women's room never mind i serve the gods oh she doesn't believe that we're godly do i not look like a god to gaze upon us you've got schnibbling schnibbling is not a [ __ ] word nibbling worm schnitzeling is oh the dark soul i was too busy trying to make sense of the word schneiderlin yeah she's talking about poop okay so i have to like she's naughty sniffling not be a gods person oh filling or sleeping princess sure her slumber's a deceit overgrown privy is that not also a toilet that is a toilet okay so this is this poop this is cool is the moral of the game poop i got a suit of armor oh that was kind of cool uh which i wasn't expecting it was from it's from dark souls 2. you remember the ruined sentinels oh yeah so it was the ruined set it says helm of the company of knights who were sent to the ring city on an old king's orders so maybe that was vendrick sought the dark soul but were so soundly crushed they had little choice but to swear themselves to the judicator oh interesting later in war yeah later immortalized in a dark fable inspiring the aspect of certain golems in whom their name lived on so maybe that's the sentinels interesting so these guys are like the original ones that yeah at least that's what it i don't know cool maybe we're totally wrong but whatever that's really cool i accidentally killed a meteor the dragon on the bridge but it was uh oh it wasn't like a true kill he just like fell into the pit and then i saw a bunch of messages that were pointing at us for like to drop down into the pit so i think we should just [ __ ] run and go into that pit all right i think that's where the real boss fight is oh did you like hit his little like hand to knock him off yeah i smacked him around a bit and i was gonna start off the stream with a a joke like having him at like one hit away from dying oh no and i would just like walk up and people like oh yeah well we cleared that but then i accidentally uh hit him while i was going and he was like and he went like oh and he fell off oh charlotte yeah it was a lot that was a very good gandalf impression i'm impressed with myself pretty damn good and you didn't like peak the audio either that's right we didn't use this elevator at all but i opened this door from this side leading back to that bonfire and it was like a little shortcut and this leads to the adjudicator but there's also a cheeky shortcut so i went through here let me just tell you the [ __ ] like story about my how my life got flipped turned upside down off stream so that drops down to an item that i'm really that's right the the statue that you saw earlier that's actually quinn i'm but i came into this room and when i edit this i'll i'll put in the footage of this and i'll show lark this and everybody you'll see this eventually the footage but uh i there was an illusory wall here in the form of like a statue like one of those yeah and when i smacked it i fell through the ground um and i i just clipped out of bounds and then i was standing on the roof of like a lower area and i was like so i have i don't have the footage of me doing the actual clip but i like quickly like got out my streaming software and like got recording nice [ __ ] like down in the middle of nowhere yeah and so it looks really [ __ ] glitchy and weird but i tried i came back and i tried so many times to replicate it and it just wouldn't [ __ ] happen crazy yeah but there was there was like a message that said illusion and i was like okay and i hit it and i just zonked through the ground nice [Music] ah [Music] there's a lot of blood here yeah and there was like a billionaire's some [ __ ] on this corpse i don't know but that lady said the princess sleeping princess is filling in or too so i don't know maybe that's really i don't [ __ ] know you guys like this room oh what the hell oh [ __ ] is this where you fighting i'm gonna spoil it for you guys i know that you dropped down to fight mid-ear that's all i know this might be that oh there's a summon sign is this oh it's five lauren lark's taking a phone call so five lauren you're gonna have to wait around this is clearly a boss though i'm gonna get on some armor [ __ ] brilliant shine bright like a diamond well deserved applause oh shira okay you know what yeah let's do that too oh no is five lauren getting jealous oh no no five lauren that's our friend i think i hear some concluding remarks yes so that uh cool little fun fact you have um something called a skipper on your closet which is the third form of lepidoptera there's moths there's butterflies and then there's a third one that not a lot of people know it's skippers that's been sitting there all day i know exactly the [ __ ] little bug oh you're talking about fun little fact is that five lauren it's five lauren we've also got phantom shira night so this is a boss apparently he threw down a bunch of prism stones what are those two uh they're just like little lights a cool hat yeah it's always a sick it's the nameless king hat so anyway this is like right right where this is where the ladder drops us off this is apparently a boss i think this might be the dragon but uh let's [ __ ] go down we go oh this is definitely the dragon it's gotta be yeah oh this is so what the heck this literally just dropped into the minds of moria so he's like dead what's going on okay he's not that right he's not dead well i mean i don't know i was like is he gonna come back to life okay wow yeah he was roaring at me while he was on the bridge too gave me a free hit on him okay yeah yeah yeah so i suspect i've heard that this is one of the hardest bosses in the entire series really so yeah if not the hardest all right so my palms are a little sweaty oh god i did not know that yeah there's 51 getting hit i have not done any damage to it nothing i think is it immune to frost we probably need to hit the head that's generally the thing with dragons okay okay all right we probably need to hit his head okay ah holy [ __ ] that is the coiled whatever and i'm gonna die oh that's such a shitty way to die on the bright side this is an optional boss oh i see so if we get shot on and out yeah we can just kind of treat them like yeah yeah uh first of all i'm gonna ember number you should get that item with the statue oh so it's on the left side of this like octagon okay yeah so so just walk like while you're going this way yeah yeah walk straight into there yeah and then to the right this way i'm so excited to see what this is because it seems like a symbolic thing that the statue is like holding the item and it's like a big item too absolutely piece of scum film no it's fine you can just the elevator door is like right to your uh yeah oh so i can just go right there yeah oh so that's the stamina ring that's not what i was expecting cool yeah he's like go back and look at that again he's like crowning in undead but he's also got his own crown or is he taking that crown off i don't know i'm not sure looks like he's like crowning or something no [ __ ] flu okay what a statue wow oh the sparks jesus christ come here dragon you son of a [ __ ] [Music] okay i'm scared yeah oh one thing holy [ __ ] he's got the sort of move you would expect but he's also got a [ __ ] godzilla laser so watch out for that all right that's good to know and wherever the laser goes like two seconds later there's like an explosion so basically just a void but yeah right there jeez yeah right oh oh my god this is uh yeah i'm feeling like personally like i've heard the [ __ ] like stories about this boss it's miserable i i i have heard bad things so i'm going to give it one more try lard you can do whatever no i think i'll probably just suck ass again so he's got a weird sword yeah he's got like a caduceus oh he's got bones just [ __ ] stop walking into the wall and let's see your sword do i smell bad what's going on this is a sick arena somebody was saying in chat that this is designed to look like part of the dark souls one intro cut scene i'm thinking like the part where it's like under the world there was a bunch of [ __ ] fire and some scrawny hooves that would make sense but it was all like fiery then you know yeah that's some good damage yeah yeah oh that's fire probably fire then laser at that okay this boss is already nuts yeah oh that was the perfect scum oh that doesn't even do more i wonder if it's the frost yeah it might be it really doesn't like maybe we should do a lightning weapon because dragons oh okay that's true that's a cool telegraph that didn't exist oh god fight one no oh there's a laser ship see ya and that's gonna go all around and kill everyone good god that's pretty cool maybe it's maybe we're i mean we're definitely doing less damage because we summoned but this is truly like pathetic damage you know yeah true they say that uh head hits are the way to go we have done just peanuts for damage on this guy you need to zoom peanuts when you say just peanuts do you make physical peanuts or packing peanuts i think real ass peanuts i actually also think of the cartoon peanuts charlie charlie dude i'm gonna use a charlie bone to get out of here yeah he's gonna zoom again stop zooming this is a pain in the ass his tail is off the ground so i can't hit it the tail apparently does a quarter damage so it's cool even the smack to the head really didn't do anything oh god on fire as a kid my uncle could play that on piano and it's like the hype is [ __ ] oh yeah freaking that's like charlie classic uncle song it is a classic uncle song i love the peanuts i mean it's not like the best thing ever anything it's not like scooby-doo here but uh it's good heart-warming charming it was my grandpa maybe it was family circus he thought he told me like it's a classic my grandpa thing too he told me like maybe three times that that person who wrote family circus like passed it on to their son and he thought that was like the coolest thing on the planet and i was like all right people do that with their business like all the time i know i was like all right that's okay but john jim davis is going to [ __ ] hand it off to his son does he have a son i highly doubt it you you don't think jim davis has got his rocks off at any point i don't know what you're saying that is actually kind of what i'm saying actually now that i think of it i think he has not dipped his wick once [ __ ] please it's the only thing you can't say sometimes i think about garfield and he becomes alive i can see garfield all the jim davis quotes i know and the reason why i know what his voice sounds like is from lasagna cats oh yeah i mean why else would you even know i've never looked up jim davis interviews and maybe that's a fault of mine i looked it up once because i had to read i had to research about lyman because i was concerned that lyman got like horrendously like killed in john's basement it's right literally jim davis at one point said don't look in john's basement when somebody asked what happened to lyman i was like so [ __ ] i was like what the [ __ ] john jim davis the garfield laura's just ruined i'm gonna switch out for i got these badass swords off stream let's see if this does anything that is sick yeah oh god that's the laser big swords gonna do this hey perhaps you heard of me my name is johnny two swords they called me that because i got uh because my name's my mom called me johnny my the whole time i was young that's that's the whole reason really johnny's my name that's essentially what i'm telling you holy [ __ ] that dude okay damage i guess wait that was sick was that like this oh freaking martial art yeah that was the weapon the martial art i'm so gonna [ __ ] die though oh [ __ ] off these fat bulls like weapon aren't like that one to kill the giant yeah yeah that would be nice if we had a storm ruler equivalent scum that really just doesn't do a lot of damage oh and i'm so [ __ ] i'm so beyond [ __ ] let's fight do whatever you want palm of the king palm mccartney let's fight paul mccartney he's going to keep walking this way yeah he has a lot of health and he responds i'm glad he dropped his uh this was the guy i got the badass double swords from all right sick so we can do all those moves if we want to i hate candlesticks too you never you ever see beauty and the beast you ever see that [ __ ] lumiere i hate him you hate lumiere why lumiere why he's so long and he's on fire it's just disgusting ever since then i pledged to destroy every candlestick let's get this straight right down here let's get this straight right damn now between the two of us i'm cogsworth your lumiere so you're saying that you [ __ ] hate lumiere's guts makes no damn sense at all actually literally today somebody was like you know you'd be in beating the beast like community and they'd be like blew me here and i was like yes every time you have to summon somebody you have to sing be our guest be our guest put your guts to that test i don't know the lyrics but five lawn is coming in my ass every morning i eat twelve dozen eggs i'm getting so anxious you gotta switch off ember man let's get the door shields this big boy oh clown wow he's clapping let's do this [ __ ] how is this gonna help be focused is that too bad t shield on him everyone's just distracting them you gotta go up and [ __ ] their ass can i hit 51 by accident i feel like i should know this i don't think we can i don't think there's a friendly fire hold it i think they get some spells like when they get turned into the boss for whatever reason everyone just got killed oh rip oh what the hell it's classic online oh five one is alive my bone is dead kill them ouch ouch g mini chris miss jiminy chris what is hitting me nothing it's pvp he's just doing like a little jabby jab what the hell i got stopped yeah you guys trash oh [ __ ] fight that was fun let's do something fun he's riding a broom like he's a [ __ ] [Music] wow what a what a delightful antics i hate your dog dorothy oh no when do you think toto died in real life i think it was like a big thing i think there's actually a memorial to the dog you're not making that up oh that's a cool sword what sword that one that ghost had it looked like a twin dual bladed twin dual bladed twin dual bladed just like my razor here's a spirit that's prince oh my god oh what an honor to have prince himself on the stream do you know actually this is real real actually oh that didn't count stupid [ __ ] off um what if you die in real life you get rebirthed as um a dark souls character yeah yeah i didn't know that so this is the real prince this is actually we're going to kill him again that's [ __ ] up yeah we shouldn't do that maybe oh i think it's like hopeless to kill these guys a flag or to reflect dude them dude perry yeah i've been trying and it's not working out that blood came out but yeah health did not oh that was sick look at him he's like moonwalking this isn't michael jackson he's a different guy that son of a [ __ ] stealing prince's place live one died at some point along the way probably got backstabbed by prince yeah it's an honor from like across the room yeah i don't know i don't know he had super armor i guess i guess i don't know any of the [ __ ] rules man oh yeah by the way there are nice oh that oh come on i don't want to get screwed over though scum scum oh scum how do you sign up to kill or innocent uh apparently you can it can just happen to you at random you just like again adjudicator is summon v yeah also this is classic pvp crap he just ran away until he had the advantage come on come on uh he also a horrible fight this is a dumb fight yeah never use lotion people was like you don't use lotion like don't use lotion i've never really had like acne issues i feel really privileged same actually in that in that way like i have i actually have a couple zits like right [ __ ] now and it's like a really rare occurrence for that to happen but throughout high school like i saw people who like had their faces [ __ ] scarred up by that [ __ ] and i was like damn i am so glad that i don't have acme hugely sane and i didn't wash my face like i feel like i feel like i cheated i definitely cheated so like my brother had like had to use like whatever there's that one product that actually does a really good job accutane or whatever and uh this is where by the way were shills for accutane acupuncture we're shills for acupuncture stick needles in my face john travolta is acupuncture like an obvious thing or is it legit you know honestly i'm not sure but i think it's real i was thinking about hypnotism earlier today yeah what's up with him like okay i think like hypnotism can be like you know i think it could be probably used for like therapy or for like i don't know like relaxing people in certain situations but like stage hypnosis where they're like they like bring people up from the audience i feel like they just know how to pick all the [ __ ] faces the ones you go for who are gonna go for it because they always there's always that spiel nowadays like i feel like in the old days they were just like we can dazzle your mind or whatever and people go it's like you are willing to believe yeah like why do why do we need to be willing to believe that's basically just you telling us what you want to get come up on stage and do this thing please that i'm asking you to do with words and you're doing of your own volition isn't it crazy how i hypnotized those people yeah wow crazy dude better not like you turn into a chicken like you might put them into oh god put them into a suggestive state but like otherwise i i really feel like it's just horse [ __ ] yeah i don't want to like sound mean i don't really know what's like actually up with it i haven't like looked into it a lot i remember like my like ninth grade party they had somebody new like public kids literally [ __ ] at my ninth grade party that's like why i was thinking of it and they got like all the people i was like i noticed they didn't pick anybody from the fringes of the crowd or anybody with squinting skeptical eyes they chose all the people were like yeah i'll do it um hypnotize me daddy john travolta put me under your spell you got this in the bag if you don't [ __ ] it up i loved you in battlefield earth have my kids i don't know if anybody's said that about anyone before yeah whoop his ass oh the jenkins stop that's just pvp it's just pvp let's go get him him oh my lord you are unbelievable i have one what i've learned is it gonna count sorry i thought fabulous dead yeah it worked i have no idea what any of that was that just happened it worked though it works out shaking his finger and handing off the controller to me it worked though i beat him what a garbage fight that wasn't garbage um yeah hypnosis don't know what's up with it like i'm like a scientist too and so i feel like i should have a it works or it does not work i feel like even in terms of like because i've heard they like hypnotize people before they're going into like surgery and i'm like that seems a little [ __ ] weird but i i believe that more than i believe like theatrical hypnosis i assume it's kind of like placebo [ __ ] where like placebo is real and works so it's like yeah if somebody's like you will get hypnotized and you're willing to believe it then i guess it works yeah but i don't know the thing is i'm innately way too skeptical to ever be advertised let's hire a hypnosis like a hypnotist yeah to convince our our streaming audience that we're actually streaming a game and then we don't actually have to stream it yep raise the sun this feels like a this feels big it's like a big that is a big thing is this that like floating island that we saw i thought we couldn't get there okay so there's a couple hypnotists we can hire i don't want to distract you from our hypnotism talk but there's a chick with an egg are we going to touch the embraced [ __ ] shell or are we going to touch these shells oh what the [ __ ] is this are we going to go in there we're gonna go in there it's like a big hand comes out and grabs us danny devito pops out like i've seen this too many times we saw it with the cup we saw it with the painting oh oh oh never mind i am so sorry man excuse me mister oh she's like still asleep you're like oh should i wake her oh no i'll leave a note she's like you [ __ ] i'll write it down oh she's like got vain you come into my house and touch my embraced egg and shatter it yeah she's even kind of making like what the hell kind of oh god i'm so much bigger than you and i'm gonna squash you she's like you're a disgusting gremlin of a man if we're just like sitting there like she's like she wakes him she's like she she like sees her egg is broken she looks up and this could just bust like she's like this scumbag is the one that broke the [ __ ] eternal egg or whatever sorry miss i had to go she just like swing away yeah i don't know this looks like anor londo architecture you're blinded by the light is it wrapped up like a douche oh she died never mind not only do we come in her house we touch her afraid and he embrace egg we decrepify her and her entire civilization she aged to death that was pretty [ __ ] up oh there's a bonfire right there now though oh yo this is like the opening cut scene there's opening cut scene stuff in the background yo they're delivering on the [ __ ] this is sick we ruined this town this is max entropy right here only in the meetings like just whatever you do please don't touch it please don't touch the embrace tag and we're just like i don't even know if we have enough to [ __ ] level up right now i don't care yeah i don't really care i want to see what's here this is so cool this has got to be the final boss i will say i know what the final boss is but i won't spoil it oh it's nothing we just ruined it wow this place looks this is so sad it's desolate this is just like a big old [ __ ] field wow this is sick there's somebody out there is there oh crawling it's the woman from earlier she's like did you touch the [ __ ] egg oh it is oh wait who is that a crown who is that i don't know it kind of looks like an irithyll guy it's a red hood batman the red hood is it the person from earlier that we talked to who got shot with the arrows no oh look you can see they've drugged themselves so far oh damn that's like probably where to go that's messed up so i can't like do anything i wonder if they're crawling they're like what happened yeah where the [ __ ] i wonder like should we just follow him i mean i just like let him go enough they'll get to the they'll get to the egg oh he's going so slowly yeah let's okay let's just let's keep going this i wonder if there's are there like invisible walls i would imagine i would imagine so too but like it's dark souls they don't really do that if we could just walk what damn ever oh i think it's probably gonna be invisibles but real walls this is really sick i love is it like ash yeah i think it's supposed to be just dust everything's just [ __ ] dust and i think about that a lot sometimes when i'm driving across a bridge i feel like anxiety about it i'm like what if this bridge like crumbles underneath me and then i'm like oh i'm just being irrational and then i'm like wait this bridge is guaranteed gonna be a bunch of [ __ ] rubble one day one day what if it happens now oh i am is this gonna be a fight what's the person we summoned oh [ __ ] she wrote a trusted friend to meteor why was she fighting him good lord why was she the summon to fight meteor if she's his dear friend oh my god she's like this my axe has a bone hand it does it's got like an entire bone like a skelly oh that's i am starting an insane move i think these freaking light arrows will stop us oh shira more like [ __ ] shiva the creator and destroyer that's right shiva of the east a character in dark souls 1. there are a lot of deleted storylines in dark souls 1 that never got used like this oscar at the beginning of the game was initially supposed to like be an npc you encountered like a ton of times kind of like solaire yeah and he's got the dust and yeah he was supposed to be uh what was he was supposed to be like the chosen undead but we like robbed him of his like fate throughout he became the chosen by surpassing him yeah that's sad sucks ass okay failed utterly failed attempt at a parry this is uh an interesting play yeah this is really tricky okay that move had about twice as much wind up as i thought it did okay that was just terrible preacher just because we look like a gremlin just because i look like i'm not a human being doesn't mean i'm a creature all right because we look like creatures serious blacks house elf i was gonna bring up harry potter but i figured you might as well you were probably gonna do it too why are there so many blood stains right next to her look at the blood stains did people oh people just killed themselves damn does that look good with a whip i'm gonna figure out what the [ __ ] even whose bones are those what animal made those bones my profanity also she's i hate those moves that have like a million wind up it's like on paper those would be like the easiest ones to parry because they're like obvious wind up but you never expect the slow move up close this one takes forever yeah this oh this arrow this is miserable yeah the arrow sucks ass okay i'm going to get our souls and then i'm going to go on to pasture's new yeah she can [ __ ] shoot her lightning arrows till the cows come home we'll let her stay here in this ash world we aren't even gonna give her the pleasure of dying damn that is messed up how much do you think a local hypnotist would hire in seattle would cost birthday uh how many guests 45 are you are you actually asking how much i think a hypnotist costs yep i have no idea for like one hypnotism session is it for like a crowd do their powers extend to crowds of people or can they only do it on one person at a time i gave up uh good question oh this is so cool this is way bigger than i thought it was gonna be yeah it's bloody massive it's absolutely huge in fact i don't know where to oh i was just about to say i don't know where to go and now it's this oh this has got to be this has got to be boss well there's somebody on the chair there's like thrones there's a bunch of people that one's moving he's moving these are like the king guy that we saw crawling earlier grow up look exactly like him he finally made it this is scary no music at least not that i can hear you recognize him oh we've seen him before he said it dark souls 3 hand over your dark souls 3 prepare to die edition oh my [ __ ] god that face just takes all seriousness out of the cutscene the hat is so stupid he wants it for his ladies painting whatever the [ __ ] that oh it's slave night gail you remember him no he helped out he was a summon on some of our fights and he directed us down he was the one who was going drop down you won't eat [ __ ] how is he so big now i don't know it's been ages i hope you realize he's like bean from ender's game where he just keeps growing deep cut to one of the sequels of ender's game yeah i don't know that shout out to everybody who's read shadow of the colossus that is a video game shadow of the hedgemon i think it's what the book is actually called shadow of the hedgehog shadow of the hedgehog wow this is he's cool yeah he reminds me of artorias reminds me of the monkey in sakiro especially i think it was like a straight up call back okay that he he like flung like a basic enemy at us at the beginning because artorias did that exact same thing oh okay so i guess this is the final [ __ ] boss all right this looks hard thing is i think with like the way time works we can still teleport back to the bonfires where we uh yeah that makes sense this is oh where is he hello oh there he is here he comes is this entire place the boss is insane that is insane yo that's actually i i knew i had seen like screenshots of this fight i had no idea it took place over the course of the entire [ __ ] universe but that's cool it's like everything's flattened out finally all this damn entropy finally got going oh wait this [ __ ] has a lot of health yeah still going at it yeah i feel like i got quite a few hits on him he did not take a lot of damage yeah yeah this is gonna be a pain in my ear and i think it's gonna be a pain in the tube i think if we get a summon it will be a lot easier all right nobody showed up i'm just going to go into the fight [ __ ] this i hate waiting what if we oh oh oh what if we lure him over the lightning spear lady and the lightning spear lady shoots her [ __ ] lightning deal arrows at him let's try probably not gonna [ __ ] happen but i i do want to see here he comes he's common [ __ ] okay she's not showing up that's cool worth a damn shot okay well listen now this is the boss arena it's fine smaller more compact just don't do a lot of damage this man i wonder if another this is another [ __ ] frostbite well they said the final boss was uh weak to frostbite right oh actually i don't know maybe we shouldn't trust chat i don't think they said that okay or at least i didn't see that okay tonight it's gonna be uh tonight tonight's gonna be a damn night slave night night a slave night oh god oh god could i even do anything about that come here gail you piece of monkey turd i'm gonna kill you one of these times probably not this time just being realistic here right tommy [ __ ] that was cool ah that would have reflected if you could reflect are you gonna let me go also you i think you're thinking of parodies perry's reflex difference right i think there actually is like projectile reflection in this game oh dang there is a different thing i don't wanna actually no i delight in being that guy oh i was like you're getting greedy and then i was like no he's getting slick it's smart it's a good show that's one of the few shows that i've seen every episode of yeah yeah what about like short shows oh okay that's not true i guess it's one of the classic tv shows i've seen every year yeah like i haven't seen every episode of star trek i was just gonna say next generation is probably the one show it's like a that people would consider a classic that i've okay i've seen every episode of not the original series though here and there original series is boring as [ __ ] sometimes it is it's like you can see why it was like mad hype like in the freaking scene yeah yeah but nowadays it's like come on yes i thought he was done i thought he was done i don't know we've got a specific answer on if you can maybe nobody knows if you can uh someone so i'm in here latin simone oh oh co is this guy's name tio destroyer of the end of the universe oh he's got the armor of those enemies cool he's like the guy on the cover let's go whoop some ass you that's something wrong with the word minge these are weird words i don't know if i even heard them before but i don't like them i instinctually do not like them my body rejects these terms for vagina pizza the hut oh yeah i saved him i saved him super seo world that's the only difference this [ __ ] noises there's [ __ ] noises what is this okay that's his crazy attack we didn't do the final yoda move where he goes [ __ ] berserk yeah we haven't taken a hit oh oh get him oh dude he's taking up heat he's cruising for a bruising that was cool takes a beating and keeps on eating okay what is he doing oh he's going he's [ __ ] berserk yeah he's oh god he's losing his damn mind there's the yoda things you're still taking this armor actually makes us immune to damage oh cutscene he slit his achilles heel no not my i haven't i ate really recently i have a side pane oh can we just give this like 30 minutes let me drink some water oh dripping i have a nose bleed too oh is this the blood i've heard about this he's stuck talking like starfire from is this the blood consider this the blood oh the blood of the dark soul of course what the [ __ ] is going on um did he just get stabbed through his [ __ ] chest even bigger a dude night gail there's always a bigger fish no he's just on fire now classic classic dark souls three hubby takes off his head as we can see his ugly mud beautiful blue eyes oh he's got disgusting bumps on his back that is a crazy like busted up sword oh that he looks [ __ ] sick this is there's he's getting abusive yeah he's got like wings almost this is i think his cape has like grown to like the shape of wings okay okay so it isn't it isn't like another health bar it's just another face yeah i like that way more um this is yeah he's got like weird freaking cool i don't even know what this like crimson chin that is sick yeah he's awesome man the ones in this game are so damn cool yeah oh and you want to know the lore on this guy i do too damn bad he doesn't have any nobody knows he's a total mystery i was like yes they're real ass wings this is badass [Music] holy [ __ ] [ __ ] this is awesome this is insanity oh don't stop attacking me oh the sirens the bad police are here yeah i liked it when you were attacking kantio and i was just whooping your ass literally oh this is intense intense i'll say it for you okay scum he shot crossbow things in midair dark ear mid-air oh he was confused [Applause] he's got so many moves there's lightning there's walls there's wings there's flame we got the whole nine yards i like this one it comes out and it comes back yeah oh let's not forget about its frisbees this is a lot more manageable when it's 2v1 gotta say yep oh take a sip champ i don't know if he has any sips distract him oh oh that's a oh what's critical oh no that's an aoe oh [ __ ] he was screaming he was baiting me is what he was doing oh christ i'm so glad i didn't take a sip there i considered taking a sip oh [ __ ] i thought he was coming after me [ __ ] you he's actually very happy sorry oh no oh don't show me that move oh i don't like it i don't like it not one bit oh god one bit oh [ __ ] what is this what is this move he's flying he's shooting his wings are pooping he's doing all sorts of [ __ ] that i don't like i need to roll towards him at some point so i can actually hit him but it's so scary it's so scary oh here it goes oh boy [ __ ] what up he's just a [ __ ] screw you [ __ ] all right you gotta do it man oh man base get him just get him just [ __ ] get him dude i was in a meeting today and one of my co-workers was like yeet and i was like do you say yeet and he was like no i said neat and i was like it's infected my brain oh [ __ ] oh i didn't notice at the beginning but his sword really is just in a bad [ __ ] way yeah i i thought it changed at the midpoint no it was always rough oh he's very confused he's flipping oh he's flipping all over the place flipping [ __ ] you like change direction in midair i'm so glad i so much prefer the single health bar where you do like very little damage as opposed to the three like the two surprise health bars where you do normal damage i don't know this just feels a lot more unless he has a secret second second like hidden health bar which we suck at that would suck ass let's come back yeah watch out based oh they're gonna hit you oh damn it whoops oh i got my [ __ ] all right all right sorry boys my turn damn it i did not do very well it's whatever it's the it's the hard guy it's slave night gail dude i'll refill my water all right take a piece he's drinking from a measuring cup right now i'd love to mention this house is cursed it is cursed okay we couldn't find a cop ah this is so i wish i wish those people were here what if they like what if it didn't boot them out and they [ __ ] like whooped his ass and they're like drinking [ __ ] sun ale right now well i guess we can give it a go alone and then next time there will be people absolutely [ __ ] off okay my favorite pizza topping so okay is this a good time to be talking about your favorite pizza go ahead go ahead tell us about your favorite pizza topping with pineapple on pizza it's good it is good but why the hell are people so mad about it like you cannot like pineapple on pizza i will give you that right but why the hell are people like pissed that people like pineapple and pizza it's just i think it's one of those things it's like easy to hate because it's like nobody actually cares yeah it's like those things it's like gift versus gif it's literally like all semantics and people kind of like find humor i think in articles yeah arguing very petty things about that is kind of a common joke i don't know i know that our people are bad [ __ ] insane and just so genuinely really good on pizza and if you think otherwise you're [ __ ] wrong it doesn't like mix well with other classic pizza ingredients but it goes well with uh with canadian [Music] don't do bacon don't do that there was the riley special that riley fed me once and it was mac and cheese and i think he like he like wedged a thing of like garlic bread into it and then it was also it was like he took a slice of pizza and lined the bottom of a bowl with it and then dumped mac and cheese on top of the pizza and then stuck like a garlic bread in the side of it i was like you want me to die this that's what this is sounds like a very riley meal you wouldn't even have to poison this for it to kill me someone please someone was asking what level we are who knows 88 that's the so 666 is the devil 777 is god 88 888 is lunch lunchbox narrows the buck or whatever whatever the [ __ ] this guy's name is rodman lynch i'm gonna be perfectly honest i get all of our dark souls protagonists mixed up sometimes the same bike lane arrows number two costco the buck number one lunch bag rodman this one we're fine we're adults by the way i'm 23. he's like older i'm 24. i was going to say how the [ __ ] old are you 24. he does have kind of like monkey man from sakura-ish movements because they're like unpredictable and he's kind of like on all fours yeah so we're dragging behind him a monkey man you know like weirdly morning responded to stuff or like sleep responded stuff and like looked you know like yeah and they're like did i even say i don't remember saying this yeah i do it sometimes in the morning action one i sound like the [ __ ] fire keeper lady i should warn you heal you [ __ ] idiot what are you doing what are they oh they knew my god they knew the cutscene was happening one okay okay oh god there's so many freaking oh shoot okay i want to not get [ __ ] up and they're cool boomy knockers boomers oh my god i can't click book very good ipad jerry honestly the first time i saw jerry get ipad i was in tears yeah it's it's it's a pretty like you know i feel like anti-humor has kind of become too widespread and it's like you get it not funny things aren't funny how funny i don't know but uh jerry get ipad is one of the rare examples of something that is amazing it's so funny it's just it's perfect it's perfect it's totally like what would happen i don't want to get lightning done dude action one's doing good but i'm i'm sort of not picking up the slack here some slack pickup inch all right yeah come attack me for a bit okay oh that is so badass i'm about to beat the final boss and you're going on a [ __ ] anecdote come on man we just beat the [ __ ] series and you're like oh one time my [ __ ] friend [ __ ] gave me a bath i saw a deer we did it yeah that was sick let's try bashing and you okay nobody helped yay thank you ashen one that was awesome sunlight metal i think is that it well that was awesome what a sick boss obviously probably one of the cooler ones oh he has a lot of cool ones oh yeah he was awesome ending cut scene oh give the blood okay you know what let's go do the [ __ ] fighting meteor let's go to get the ending where is the little girl uh she was in the painting right oh the girl who would oh she was saying uncle gail is gonna bring her the pigment the dark skull of man well i mean i don't know what that means but we put something together we killed your uncle twice whoops i'm sorry oh my god that was your uncle oh that was him i could adopt you [ __ ] here's take twenty dollars here's twenty dollars i take all the money in my wallet i feel so bad this place is still on fire literally the snow is on fire the roof the snow oh the building is on fire what the hell has this always been no okay i don't think it was like this last time we were here brilliant maybe this is because we did the thing the roof is on fire ken from street fighter hey little girl the final you're boss on fire look here she's happy you haven't painted jack [ __ ] because we've got it canvas we haven't given out the blood of the dark souls dude yes yes i have never been more yes so like painting kind of has a cycle like the real world she's gonna name the painting after us uh share her name yeah what the [ __ ] she's like you lunch bag oh my god let me look upon the face of my noble savior the painted world of lunch bag and he's got his [ __ ] like dreamworks ass face a goodly home that's not a word i hate to like this is like a big scene and everything not a word oh start painting boy is that it all right i guess we did something i didn't know we were doing something but we did we accomplished a goal that i didn't know existed no we did we gave her uncle's blood in a vial yep oh yeah by the way here's your uncle's fingers never disrespect our family again world without fire i think that's what we just did yeah i think i just did that about a billion years in the future yeah we were there not the prettiest we killed somebody it was death there was red stuff guy out of cape wings we came back they shoot me so this is not the end of the series but i feel like saying goes without saying but like lit [ __ ] series series awesome fun awesome games i can't wait like probably after this i'm gonna go like fiddle around maybe i'll try to like beat meteor on my own time or something but like this is the end of like souls three i think we're probably never gonna come back to this unless we really get a hankering that is just beautiful it's just magic awesome it's been fun don't come back a send-off for lunch bag somebody referenced portal 2 and i got a little twinkle in my eye oh yeah that's something we might do too actually oh yeah portal 2 and that'd be easy because that could be something while you move in that easy to uh for us to do in separate locales you say say something say say your classic line uh well uh thanks for coming and watching me play dark souls one two and three for the first time everybody i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did this is like oddly sentimental and genuine i feel like i should say some stupid [ __ ] like uh bazinga don't let your dreams be dreams bazinga indeed goodnight everyone good night [Music] [Music] [Music] so [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: grayfruit

Views: 24,420

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Id: Ji3PFUezaZ4

Length: 56min 57sec (3417 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 01 2021