For
a lonely blind girl born into a family of twelve
in the Republic of East Gorteau, life was never something that mattered all that much
for Komugi. As the sole breadwinner back home, and as
a professional Gungi player only capable of making enough money to satisfy that family
as world champion, the line between useful and useless was unfortunately very clear for
her. In essence, her life was worthless trash without
achieving this goal, which meant that her life was worthless trash if she wasn’t the
literal best player in the world. As such, Komugi resolved that if she were
to ever lose a single match, she would take her own life. And this, while admirable in a sense due to
the conviction needed to make such a pledge, was an act that diminished her own value. In addition to being treated as something
only worth the material wealth it gained for her family, Komugi’s life became a conceptual
thing to be gambled without hesitation whenever she took part in competitive Gungi games,
and something to be discarded were she to ever be defeated due to it losing all merit
as a result. Very little is stated about Komugi’s parents,
but this line here, and the way Komugi perceives herself tells us all we really need to know
about them. And with no real capacity to fight back, she
accepted this and embraced this lot in life in a move of sad self-deprecation. However, once a certain supreme commander
entered her life, she slowly but surely began to see the weight of it. And by following her story through Hunter
x Hunter’s Chimera Ant arc, we can see how she slowly began to internally dance with
the concept of her life’s value, until she very much became someone at the heart of so
much that the story had to say about gratitude, connection, purpose, love and life. Upon initially experiencing the story for
the first time, I always found Komugi to be really adorable, likeable and charming in
her own way, but it took me a while to realize that she is not a static character who primarily
functions as a means for Meruem to grow - the fact is, thanks to her opponent, she grew
a substantial amount herself through their games, and not just in terms of developing
her Gungi skill. And one of the primary springboards for this
parallel growth occurred early in the relationship, where Meruem bore witness to Komugi’s steadfast
and resolute willingness to give up her own life - something that he greatly respected,
and something that keys the audience in to the tragic elements of this poor girl. Komugi’s constant self-deprecation does
make for some cute and funny scenes, but the meaning behind these antics makes them a lot
more sad once you realize that she acts this way primarily because her environment taught
her to do so. Devaluing herself, she always used the one
thing she had as mechanical leverage - to dismiss it when she failed, to bet it in these
games. Komugi was never scared of death and lived
every moment with it lurking in her shadow. But this made her a tool moreso than a human
being in essense, and this attitude undersold her contributions to the world and her worth
as a person. Because she has so much to give, yet no one
was able to acknowledge this and show her. She is kind and compassionate, humble and
determined, and genuinely interested in and caring for other people. And while Meruem initially gained interest
in her due to her Gungi skill, this all subconsciously endeared him to her as well. But of course, she wasn’t able to see this
herself. Because if you grow up being told that you’re
only useful for one thing, and that your life is trash, just as Komugi’s parents told
her.. unfortunately, a lot of the time, you begin to believe it. Surrounded by people that don’t value you,
you begin to see in yourself exactly what others see in you, and if they don’t bother
to treat you like a person worthy of respect and love, you begin to think the same way
and dehumanize yourself. This is something similar to what happened
with Killua growing up that lead to the lack of self-worth that he struggled with. But just as Gon was the light that helped
Killua to move past this, Meruem was the same thing for Komugi. He may have done this in a much less orthodox
way, but the impact was very similar. If you’ll allow me to give just a bit of
a minor thematic spoiler for Re:Zero, there’s a concept from that story that I think applies
to Komugi well. And that idea is the following - that you
can hate or devalue your life and yourself so much because the you that you view is so
flawed and useless, that it makes you feel like you aren’t worth anything. But the thing is, just as there are sides
to us that others don’t see, at the same time, there can be sides to ourselves that
we aren’t aware of, sides that others see in us. Sometimes, lacking in perspective, we aren’t
able to see the version of ourselves that others see. And that version that others see is often
very worthwhile - it just requires surrounding yourself with people who care about you to
help you to see this. Meruem saw so much in Komugi that she caused
him to completely second guess his identity, his purpose in life, and how he wanted to
live that life. And more than anything else, she offered so
much and was valuable enough as a human being to make him care enough to save her from certain
death, despite not having been bothered with human life previously, and despite having
resolved to kill her himself. Given all that we know about here, it’s
not a surprise at all that Komugi didn’t deem her life being in danger to be a great
enough issue to disturb Meruem. But HE DOES, and that’s what’s key. It’s a sense of validation for her on some
level, but more than anything, Komugi is so moved not because of any of these deep concepts,
but simply because in giving enough of a damn to protect her and see her life not as something
to be dismissed, but as a worthwhile thing to be cherished, Meruem displays the greatest
amount of kindness anyone has ever shown her. Thanks to the unadulterated, pure care of
someone who genuinely got to know her for HER, who initially began valuing her because
of her talent, but eventually was taught through her that any given human is capable of any
number of special things, Meruem simply began enjoying his time with Komugi. He enjoyed learning about her, and playing
with her. Gungi was his primary way of communication,
but he genuinely valued Komugi because of who she was, not because of her skill or her
ability to win money. And in experiencing that for what was likely
the first time, Komugi learned to cherish it, and it very much changed her. So when presented with the choice at the end
of the arc, once again, she’s willing to give her life and succumb to the contagious
poisoning of the Poor Man’s Rose. Just as she was willing to cast her life aside
before, now, upon hearing of the poison, she doesn’t hesitate one moment in deciding
to die. But there’s a huge distinction there that
separates this intent from the past Komugi - before, she’d toss her life aside with
no real regard for it, labelling herself as garbage. But now, through connecting with someone who
loves and sees such value in her, she is fulfilled. Living her life completely bereft of that
connection and intimate touch for so long, only to finally discover that the purpose
of her existence is.. to feel this love, in this moment. There’s nowhere she’d rather be than right
here, right now, and there’s no way anyone could give her what Meruem has given her - a
chance to find worth in herself, and to share such a wonderful and strong connection. She has experienced enough in life to know
that she would never value anything as much as this. And so, in this moment, she has no thoughts
whatsoever of abandoning Meruem, and instead sees the opportunity to play with him some
more as a chance for further happiness before her life ends. Once again, as she has done her entire life,
she walks hand in hand with death and finally chooses to let it embrace her. But the difference is that at this point,
she does it because the events that would lead to that death would make everything about
her life extremely meaningful. It would make her complete. She doesn’t think about the life she could
have lead with Meruem if they hadn’t been met with these unfortunate circumstances,
but instead thanks the stars that they were able to meet in the first place. She doesn’t curse the short time they were
able to spend together. She doesn’t lament what could have been,
and as the humble person she is, she doesn’t view this as the beginning of something cut
short, but as the culmination of her life, and this perspective allows her to be thankful
for having the opportunity to reach this point. Komugi has never wanted for anything more
than Gungi for what seems like an eternity.. but it is only when in the presence of Meruem
where she realizes that the only thing she could ever wish for was that which he was
already providing for with. And so appropriate, all she really wants as
a reward for winning would be.. another match. She was born to live for this moment. And this viewpoint of hers helps her partner
to see this beauty as well, to make this moment much more comforting, and much less painful
for him. But this dynamic is a give and take, and in
tandem, Meruem does more for Komugi than he’ll ever realize. Something extremely important but easy to
miss about Komugi’s decision here is that, as far as I can tell, at the time of this
moment, she was still the primary source of income for her awful parents. She certainly refers to herself as the breadwinner
in present tense when explaining things to Meruem. So at this point, without her continuing as
world champion, they would not receive the money that they coldly used her for. But while she viewed providing for them as
her duty before, now she does not hesitate to die - not as trash, but as a current world
champion and the finances that come with that, which would leave her family without their
main source of income. Having lived most of her life acting with
this at the forefront of her mind, there is no way that the thought of leaving them high
and dry never entered her thoughts. She knew what her dying would mean for them,
and yet she does not hesitate for a minute not just to join her beloved partner, but
to cast off the inhumane burden thrust upon her by people who masqueraded as family. To have enough self-value to reject them for
the first time, and fully embrace herself, and the one who truly cares for her. And so, Meruem, through what he learns about
compassion and empathy and love from Komugi, returns the favour through helping her to
see something worth loving in herself. There are no concrete conclusions to draw
about the concept of the afterlife in Hunter x Hunter, but the romantic in me likes to
think that through leaving one world hand-in-hand, they entered a brand new one full of possibility
in the same way, ready for another journey. But even if that isn’t the case, and in
the more likely possibility that everything concluded right here, it couldn’t be any
more clear that neither could have envisioned a more beautiful end. Many thanks for watching.
