Killua's Journey to Self-Worth

Tom watching a vegetal donor enjoy do not [Music] as shown here to tells you Oh Manny Tomodachi oats Qureshi Cochran i0 male anti it's going or sinister arava cook [Music] orange a answered calendula Kazoku Zealand the song la coruna seek a charity deserve no massage Orion on Donna stone Irish cottage in said [Music] why am i living is there more to this if there is do I deserve more what is purpose what is a friend I am just a lowly shadow how can I ever deserve to be alongside someone who shines so brightly kilauea zoldak is almost inherently the most prominent heart and emotional crux of hunter hunter even just from a purely conceptual or archetypal level he strikes such a deep chord and gets right down to some of the most fundamental issues of the human condition just as a natural byproduct of following and being invested in his journey the path to self earth is far from a novel concept but the specifics of kilauea situation make tow gosh ease execution of them all the more tragic all the more impactful and all the more important changing oneself is never a quick or even palpable process and keela's development is done such that comparing a snapshot of him at the beginning and end of the series will show two completely different people but aside from one breakthrough a moment it is carried out so subtly from episode to episode and chapter to chapter that it's hard to pinpoint the exact moments where he changes yet in the story beats where this change is acknowledged the impact is astounding the human mind is a wonderful and terrible thing as much as we would like to believe that we can go through life on our own terms unaffected by anything our environment is instrumental in shaping who we become sometimes even in spite of our nature and Takashi has acknowledged this nurture centric idea very overtly through the design of so many of his major characters initially it seems as though the template for Kela is no different having gone his entire life being oppressively conditioned to think that he is limited and destined to a cold heart Assasin's existence having been consistently exposed to punishment reinforcement so much that genuine torture has become mundane to him the situation speaks for itself given that he has grown to enjoy the art of murder to a certain extent and given the monumental effect that experiences have had in shaping some of Hunter Hunter's other characters one would assume that Kela would submit and accept but instead he yearns for more a forced duty and burden is dismissed as he leaves the zoltan's for no reason other than to live for just the faintest hope the smallest possibility that there could be more out there than this slow death and even aside from this being a journey that so many young people end up facing themselves this fact in itself already makes Kailua stand out against the grain and against Takashi's general pattern unlike someone like Korra pica whose experiences often caused him to stifle his sense of self Kela was essence shines through and overpowers the chains of obligation but it's a feeble defiance the shackles have not been taken off they've only been given more slack kilauea does not know what he wants he fears that he has no control of his life that there is nothing out there for him that he has faded to be unhappy and trapped and then he meets gone-gone provides Kahlua with everything he lacked someone his age to play with someone who cares wholeheartedly for others someone optimistic and determined and arguably most importantly someone with a purpose through spending time with dawn in the hunter exam Kahlua slowly begins to learn where he wants to go in life for the short-term future at least he wants to follow this ray of light to see where it takes him gone leads the way for Kela he shows him the wonders of life adventure human connection joy and more than anything else friendship [Music] still resonating for it [Music] so no Kahlua cannot properly conceptualize and places so much value on the concept of a friend for a person who has grown up bereft of meaningful connection it is the greatest honor something nearly untouchable the irony is that gone as someone so trusting and innocent thinks the exact opposite way he develops attachments so incredibly quickly that I wouldn't be surprised if he considered Kela wha a friend within a few minutes of meeting him dawn is so open and honest with his feelings so willing to embrace Kiowa and it's a welcome shock to the system his sense of morality and his good nature allowed him to befriend kailua not fear him to simply accept him assassin and all that clears a huge hurdle and a mental barrier that kahlúa might have had and this allows him to open up to Cora pika and lay Oreo as well traveling and learning with gone changes everything and although these changes are understandably not drastic enough for kilowatt to suddenly have a goal in life it does give him reason to live and an alternative much better than what he had before it's enough at this point for him to simply conflate his purpose with Dawn's and find a vicarious goal through the quest to find Jane Johnny O king o neutronics kiddo so much oh my I not honest Adele or at the no in the law Oh Miami Tony you're it I could offer yareta can I go to Nara Catco our indicator saw yen is toyoko toka cargos bakuto toka non Korea Monsieur oh my god yo our foreign policy what are y'all my duck when I got always sunny yo yo audio we got you up kilala yaranaika tools haha stubby hey Thomas here so Donna Marika Nina by the time we reach greed island the situation is crystal clear gone gives kylo a purpose in a world where he sees none and provides him with the value of connection it is no exaggeration to say that gone literally saves Kailua from a slow meaningless death of a life because of this key Luba feels like he owes him in ways that he may never be able to compensate for but that isn't the only reason early on its laid out for the audience that Kailua hates being perceived as weak and makes sure to show that he is an extremely skilled fighter and killer though he likes gone almost immediately it frustrates him that others believe gone to be so impressive when Kela was skill easily exceeds his in comparison genera Orinoco girl Reynosa sis to the Rococo neo2 team or Anarkali you can read it as discussed in a very good reddit thread by malleus days that are linked in the description this is a bona fide reaction formation a psychological defense mechanism indirectly showing that he's not confident in himself he is not secure he feels a need to project and prove that he is better than others because he hates the idea of being perceived as inferior this lack of confidence clearly indicates low self-worth if he believed in himself he wouldn't get frustrated by this and while this seems like a minor detail it is instrumental to who Kahlua is why does he get so upset at NetID o for seemingly under estimating him because he wants some proof of his worth for validation why does he not see that he's gone friend when he clearly is because he doesn't believe himself to be valuable enough this is partly a sad effect of the conditioning that went on throughout his life as a result of both his family's tyrannical expectations and the brainwashing alumi conducts on Koloa through inserting a needle into his brain this needle forcefully adhered kilowatt to a doctrine of pragmatism no matter what the situation if faced with an enemy that Kiowa were to deem as stronger than himself kahlúa is programmed to flee which could obviously cause major problems for gone down the line not only is it potentially harmful but it also just stifles his ability to believe in himself this psychological conditioning the disproportionately high regard he holds gone in and the insecurities he feels combined to form the internal struggles that kahlúa goes through throughout the bulk of the narrative after realizing how important gone is he turns inward and looks at himself with relation to his best friend dismissing his own worth income arason he spent his entire life looking for a way to forge his own path and now he has it what can he possibly do to pay that favor back in what sense is he worthy to stay alongside gone if he could leave him to die at any second what can he possibly do how can he possibly make himself worthy of his friendship if he cannot help him from the struggles he has what use is he because gone changed his life so substantially for the better Kaluga feels that he only has worth if he is useful and asked someone who has lived a life completely devoid of genuine connection he cannot conceptualize proper friendship at the beginning so he believes his only worth two gone is as a tool he wants to help gone in any way to sacrifice himself because he is not valuable otherwise mangling his hands at the dodgeball game because gone put faith in him trusting his decisions and helping him train no matter what and his extreme protection of his friend once he lost his men through any means possible he wants to help him because in his eyes these uses are all that he's good for of course you can stay by his side with all that you do for him all the messes that you clean up he should be honored to have you by his side Kilauea does not realize how much God cares for him independent from his utility making friends is so natural to God that he thinks it should be assumed knowledge while Kilauea is constantly emotionally fixated on how to pay gone back gone looks forward and does not recognize the sheer weight on Kilauea shoulders it's a terribly sad miscommunication by two young boys with a gigantic blind spot the truth is Kilowog puts far more into the relationship than Gahan does in this section of the story and Gahan does not even realize it an ironic note is that his overprotectiveness as a result of his care for gone draws a parallel with how his brother is so possessive of him obviously the nuances are entirely different but this also sheds a light on Alou me why does he dote upon his brother in such a pathological and radical way is it something he inherited from his mother is he jealous of the idea that kahlúa is the only choice for heir or does he just genuinely value Quiles contribution to the family so much that he feels like confining him to this set life is the only way to give his life meaning is it's a deceptive act of kindness in his own strange way aside from Silva's wishes there is undoubtedly more to this control of kahlúa in terms of how it applies to ela me but regardless of the twisted reasoning behind this conditioning killable finds himself grappling with its control deep within because he's been conditioned to run away he considers himself a failure and a disgrace he doesn't realize that the specific conditioning on him leaves him with such little possibility of overwriting his programming but this is artificial programming and an artificial mentality Gahan broke him out of his shell and showed him the way but he wasn't independent the needle stopped him from truly leaving his comfort zone to find something his dependency his feelings of inferiority and his hero-worship of gone were his safe place but by his perception they restricted him from wholeheartedly supporting his friend when he needed it most and then Kahlua pulls the needle out there is no lack of psychological development here just because the thing holding him back was physical and there are no skips in Kela was growth because he still had to go through every single mental process that was needed even if it had been a solely psychological block the needle is a physical manifestation and representation of his last psychological ties to his family his unfair filial obligation with this action he sheds physiological ties to the zoldak and becomes an individual and from here not only can he unreservedly support gone but he can actually begin to find new values make different connections and believe in himself a bit more Carl Jung believed that the path to fulfillment for man was a confrontation of the shadow all of the darkness and people that threatens to take over he said that being able to control this shadow was the path to enlightenment but in a literal complete opposition to the idea of confronting the shadow Silva believed that partly due to this needle kela would come back to him and lead the business that he would go out journey with gone confront and defeat the light within himself and emerge as an unmitigated cold perfect assassin perhaps one of the primary reasons that kahlúa was expected to be the next head of the family was because he has light within him and a potential for kindness the idea being that once he confronted that light he would be more dark and hold than ever and in addition with his other attributes more fit than any of his siblings to lead more fit than Allah me or Malucci who were never capable of benevolence or kazuto who seems to be judged by the family to not have the aptitude for it but Kela doesn't care and he defies all of this expect cheerio abdullah hmm Asura yo Scirocco even be no Hadi moto do Donna [Music] so in this sense cuba is nature over nurture and that's one of the primary reasons as to why he's so special no matter how many rough experiences he is put through his nature shines through kahlúa is a compassionate good person who never strays from who he is despite being psychologically manipulated tortured and forced into being a pragmatic assassin in a characteristic subversion he does not become Gonz rival or enemy through these feelings of inferiority as one might expect but he chooses to work through it to be the best he can be his insecurity seems to lessen in impact as the story goes on because he slowly gains confidence and stature he is less concerned with his reputation in comparison to others and he becomes much more modest but keeping in tone with the gradual nature of his character arc not everything is solved this is a realistic process and he is still critical of his own abilities as the Chimera ant arc reaches the late-game a reversal becomes apparent as kahlúa finally begins to find the light Gahan sinks into darkness and kahlúa can do nothing for him [Music] q our unit [Music] this city thank you this is one of the worst things that could have been said to Kahlua at this point for someone who was just doing what he had always been doing by cleaning up Gon's mess someone who wanted more than anything to be considered a friend and a partner it's a dagger below and it proves to him that he still isn't as useful as he wishes to be no one can save gone from himself here and that in itself means tequila wah that he is just not good enough this scar reopens and he is reminded of why he constantly felt the need to sacrifice himself and while he ultimately ends up being unable to save gone in the Chimera ant arc his narrow perspective stops him from seeing the truth of the matter that he has always been extremely important to gone nanika de killin you're a condoisseur damn let's go Nana na na na Jeong he knows that gone is way in the wrong here but it's not until after he saves his life and reconciles with a Luca and none Iike that he realizes what he never saw the love of his sister allows him to recontextualize his situation and see what he really wants in life to always love and take care of her to experience the little joys of life synonymous with Jing sentiments at the end of the story GaN showed him the path forward and allowed him to see the beauty of life but a Luca allowed him to push on and take that final step he finally sees his growth as an individual his identity and purpose and his merit as a person this is why his words to a cago and palm are so important the idea that friends don't have to say thank you to friends because that's what they are there for it's a line with dual meaning in both cases displaying that he is slowly finding himself he says this tui call go to subtly signify that he is beginning to see his own value but the line being repeated to palm even after he beats himself up over gone suffering confirms that he knows that he is worth something while it is so important to fully appreciate the connections in our lives there is no need to hear a warship a person and put them above yourself regardless of what they've done for you that is no way to live even for someone in as unique a situation as Kilowog because as wonderful as gone is colaba is just as much so so unique or NACO to gotten more even I could no doc Aramis condo cocoon your ego Myotis kiriona kotoba Optima my morini arigato toka you know so they got three toes Karen Amato Sandro oh no Komodo Khurana Sudha need ever move on a girl I said earlier that kahlúa feels that gone saved him in ways he feels unable to compensate for but this in itself demonstrates that he is beginning to understand that friendship is not some sort of debt that needs to be repaid but the thing is he has always known that he was worth something he strived for more than an assassin's dead life because he knew he deserved more he felt insecure when deemed inferior to others because he knew that he could do great things buried underneath his self-loathing and sacrifice Kahlua knew that he deserved happiness he just didn't know how to conceptualize it realise it and pursue it until he felt like he could stand on equal footing with gone and to be a worthwhile person independent from him it's not that he thinks any less of the young boy who saved his life it's that he thinks more of himself Kyoya yo yo hold on yeah uh-oh he doesn't play this off or ignore it and become embarrassed he acknowledges that he helped gone and that he deserves this thanks it's very subtle stuff like constantly joking that gone owes him but it speaks volumes of his confidence only at the end of the anime do we see that they are true equals in both of their minds and that is what true friends are as I've said in my previous videos Gunn's journey was one of anti-development which is a lyrical contrast and parallel tequila was ridiculous growth at the beginning of the series gone had a very clear purpose and kilauea was aimless but now God has found Jing and doesn't really have a goal anymore and kahlúa is seeing clearer than ever before kahlúa had to learn to fight rather than flee while GaN still has to learn when it is time to back down it's a reflective journey one emphasized by the main philosophy of the series the relationship these two shared was never the biggest area of focus for Gong and while it started out as one it did not end up as Kela was end-goal either however I think that if they don't realize it already these two will come to understand that this was the most important development in both of their lives but they will continue from here on their individual paths both living both learning and both lucky to have known and grown from one another [Music] kela goes from a lost meaningless existence to a life where he had formed so many attachments that had shaped him for the better and where he had found the perfect purpose to pursue from someone uh turley confused at the concept of simply helping out a friend to one who goes to the ends of the earth and back to show his loyalty one who dedicates the foreseeable future to providing another with happiness in crafting this character Takashi demonstrates an innate knowledge of what people yearn for and empathize with a consummate understanding of the allures of love and life Khilafah shows the overwhelming importance of self-worth the indescribable value of human connection and most of all that even those who are utterly lost and devoid of anything are capable of finding something in this world that's regardless of the path that seems set ahead of you your own purpose and meaning in life transcends all many thanks for watching you

Channel: Alec's Scattered Thoughts

Views: 494,046

Keywords: hxh, hunter x hunter, anime, analysis, character, gon, killua, chrollo, meruem, kurapika, leorio, arc, manga, chapter, review, reaction, aleczandxr, 2011, hxh 2011, zoldyck

Id: xyBg9zn8Be4

Length: 27min 57sec (1677 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 14 2018