Knowing or living with a #sociopath - Part 1

hey everybody welcome to K talk yesterday we talked about narcissists and today I want to talk about sociopaths and even though they are different they can have a few similarities and I really couldn't relate yesterday to having have dealt with them narcissist because I never really have I do however have a great deal of experience dealing with a sociopath and I was married to one my first my first husband was a complete sociopath and I haven't talked about this really to anyone I don't for sure I've never talked about it in public because I wanted to protect my children my children are grown now and I do believe that a story as important as how to deal with something like this is very important because I had nobody that I could talk to when it happened to me and I had to fight and claw my way out of it and I didn't have a whole lot of support either had my family my parents but that was it so what are some of the traits of a sociopath well they will manipulate you into thinking that you are the problem it doesn't matter what you said what you did you're the problem all the time or somebody else's because they can't take responsibility for their own decisions for their own behavior for their own actions a lot of them have dreams of grandeur where my ex was mad that he wasn't a millionaire by the time he was 30 and because he wasn't even though the rest of us go well most people aren't right that's kind of normal but because he wasn't it was my fault see how that worked but if we go back to the very beginning I had red flags and one of them was that I was given an ultimatum well if you don't move to New York then you don't love me and we'll just have to break up so I was given the ultimatum but my young mind but I love him and if I moved in to know I love him right they got and once they got you that's it now the first year or more was fine but once that first kid came along and I have talked to a bunch of women and I I can't say I've talked to men about this I'm sure it goes on in both sexes but when I talk to other parents or moms that have gone through this their first thing was yeah that happened to me too as soon as the first baby came they changed and what happened was is a started subtly when I was pregnant why does everybody pay attention to you I'm like I'm going this pregnant then the baby came why is everybody paying attention to the baby and not me I'm the father and you go but everybody pays attention to the baby it was just beyond reason but you discounted it because maybe they brought up their past and you felt bad that their childhood wasn't so stellar or their father was kind of mean to them family yelled a lot there was something dysfunction so you feel bad for them but then as time goes by then maybe child number two comes along and what happened with me is that we'd made a decision that if the baby came out looking like him we'd name it the name he wanted if the baby came out looking like me we would choose the name I wanted well she came out looking like me and because I went ahead and named her what I wanted to name her because that was what we'd agreed on he threatened to not pick us up from the hospital so it wasn't I want to say abusive physically early on it was more head games emotional just mean just downright mean then as time goes on you begin to deal with this on a more regular basis it isn't just a once a month thing it's probably a few times a week and as the other person who thinks this is completely crazy but you don't want anybody to know because it's so humiliating and embarrassing to begin with that you walk on eggshells to try to keep the peace but doesn't matter what you do one little thing is going to set them off and the difference between a sociopath and a narcissist in this way is a narcissist will humiliate you no matter where you are if you're in front of a bunch of people the better but a sociopath won't do that they will humiliate you and degrade you in private because they need to keep up the facade for everybody else that they're so wonderful because god forbid you talk to somebody about this all they can say is oh no he would never do that he's so nice he's such a great dad meanwhile he didn't want to parent the kids at home he was very attentive in public so people could see that but it was a facade so then when things start to escalate escalate you can get to the point where you're just kind of lost all respect and you're kind of checked out and what happened to me was when I was pregnant for my third baby it was Christmas my parents came to visit us we lived in New York and my my parents saw a lot that time they were there and he was so humiliated that they saw the real him that when they went home he had to teach me a lesson so he threw me out on the front stoop in the middle of a blizzard with 8-foot snowdrifts I was literally pregnant and barefoot in my pajamas and he left me out there for like 20 minutes wouldn't let me in the house because he had to prove and show me that I had done wrong because my parents saw him for what he really was that was my fault number one and number two that I would never let them come back and see me which was a controlling part of it that he slowly made me kind of he manipulated me not to have friends anymore and then it was manipulating me to keep my family away and so things like that I mean it took me many years to not flinch if something moved quickly by my face by my face because of having a fist in my face in the middle of the night because I had the audacity to say can you please roll over your snoring a sociopath is a control freak because their life is so miserable and so out of control that they have to control you they want to control what you wear they want to control where you go who you see and what you do and a lot of time if it's a husband who's doing that they want to keep the wife at home period no friends no car no way to get anywhere that's the more the more put away you are the better and to get out of this it takes first of all a lot of strength a lot of thought because once you do they're coming after you with everything they got and it isn't because they used to love you they'll say that but because you have the audacity to leave them they will make you pay and I was told that because you left me I'm going to make you pay I'm going to make you pay for leaving me well what else is there left to do at that point but they go after the kids and so then you have this terrible terrible god-awful child custody thing going on and you're fighting for your kids because they know that that's your world and that's all they got they don't care about parenting they don't they don't care what's absolutely best for the kids they care about using the children as weapons and I hate that because it hurts the children so badly that sometimes that stuff that just sticks with them forever but this person doesn't care they don't care about the child's outcome they don't care about their future they don't care about their mental stability they don't care about their emotional stability all they care about is winning and making you pay for leaving them it's crazy isn't it that's crazy and then when you get to the point where you're done and you're removed they still try to upset you and get under your skin and press your buttons and it took me a long time to say you know what if you can't talk to me in a respectful way I'm not talking to you anymore during this conversation I'm ending it goodbye and that was it and it took years of doing that before my ex would stop trying to press my buttons and just talking about it kind of is that trigger that you feel emotion come up a little bit because even though you've moved past it when you're in your mind goes back you do relive a lot of that emotion and it's very hard it's so hard and so I'm sorry that this video ran long and I want to talk about more in the next video so please comment below because I want agree this is the whole point of Kay talk is I really want to help people past a lot of things and if we can work on it together I think that would be great I didn't have anybody at all there was there was no Facebook or anything like that and everybody didn't have a computer in their house back then and so now that we kind of have all these wonderful technologies at our fingertips I think would be a sad shame that I went through something so horrific and I didn't shed some light on it and so we're going to talk about it more in the next video and if you've ever dealt with sociopaths please leave us a comment and let us know your story and how you dealt with it okay I gotta run talk to you later mmm I love you guys so much bye bye

Channel: girlswithcoupons

Views: 35,662

Rating: 4.8495936 out of 5

Keywords: sociopaths, Marriage (Religious Practice), divorce, control, manipulation, emotional, physical, spiritual, abuse, children, bizarre, behavior, bounderies, healing, pain, characteristics, Hope (Quotation Subject), Stress, Mind, Eating, Help, Therapy, Recovery, Psychology

Id: kTNWDj7d0vw

Length: 10min 22sec (622 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 23 2015