Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas - BAD MOVIES!

I actually wanted to do this review last year however I got caught up with all the Star Wars stuff so you know I'm not gonna do it in January so I had to wait until Christmas 2016 so here we are right now actually I think it's quite fitting because 2016 has been an interesting year okay well then it's not fitting because this movie is anything but interesting however something interesting did happen to be when I was writing this review I found that every single time I used the word movie to describe this thing I died a little inside because this really doesn't feel like a movie I have a hard time calling this a movie it's basically just an hour long video sermon by Kirk Cameron seriously I will breakdown the storyline once I've gone through everything and you'll you'll see what I mean but first let's take a look at the poster and take a good look at it because there's more going on in this poster than in the actual movie the funny thing is when I first saw the trailer for this movie a few years ago I knew it was going to be about nothing because the trailer was basically about nothing this Christmas dive headfirst into all of the joy the dancing the celebration the feasting wow sounds like a must-see instant holiday classic and what does that mean the feasting like every gonna have to read it we're gonna have to watch you eat well I guess we're gonna find out won't we yep you're in first actually now you're not in for a surprise in fact to lower your expectations lower than they were probably already going into this and then lower them some more the movie starts with Kirk talking about all the things he loves about Christmas and kind of rambling on about [ __ ] and you better get used to hearing him talk because this is going to be pretty much the entire movie so there's this Christmas party going on with Kirk his whole family except for his brother-in-law who apparently just isn't into Christmas this year Kirk's brother-in-law is actually named Christian because let's just throw all subtlety out the window why not anyways Christian is sitting in the back room when DeAndre comes over to him and just starts talking about random garbage something about not being able to wear crazy shirts on Friday at work anymore I don't know for two you don't have this done before - I don't don't want to find out cuz I'm on floor 4 and then they start taking over tell us we can't have Friday's then you can't have Thursdays then you can have Tuesdays and what's left Wednesday hump day that's already a day that's not our day we need a day for us crazy shirt Fridays this scene is incredibly pointless and that's nothing in fact all of the dialogue here like most of the dialogue and the whole movie actually makes me wonder if there actually was a script written aside from Kirk's narration because so much of this sounds redundant and improvised funny thing about the movie is that Christian is kind of made out to be this Grinch yet I totally understand where he's coming from in fact I think he makes the most sense when he's the Grinch after a while Christian just kind of starts to tune out D Andres rant and which it's totally understandable actually I would have a hard time paying attention to that [ __ ] too if someone used to come up to me a like a party and start talking about how they can't wear crazy shirts on Friday does that even mean who does that I honestly I don't even think I'd even I don't think I could pay attention either when I get the only thing is when I drink I have I think I have less patience with people's like just drunken ramblings I just don't [ __ ] care which you were crazy shooting Friday then we're gonna lose Windsor moves through smooth Tuesday's like blow my brains out Christian escapes to the car in his driveway and this is where Kirk finds him and here we go this is where we're going to spend the majority of this movie so Christian starts talking about how he looks around and sees all this greed and materialism and how we should be more giving and pretty much everything he says here at this point it makes sense even if you're not a religious person you could listen to this and be like yeah I could see where he's coming from and Kirk actually says that as well but then he follows it up with this you're all wrong about one but everything you just said I said a lot yeah and it's all wrong yes he's all wrong even the thinking about the less fortunate part cuz I mean empathy it's Christmas and then we have this scene between deandre and this other character I'm not even going to look it up but it's basically him talking about how there's this war on Christmas and all these conspiracy theories that make no sense at all I don't know why this is in the movie it makes no sense what is the point of this is it is it supposed to be funny are you making fun of people that think this way what is this they put their cups over their mouths so that no one will be able to I guess read their lips but honestly I think it was because he wasn't going to be able to memorize all of his lines so it's a good excuse for them to just dumb it over later delicious and exactly come on you got the can trails and HAARP trying to control the weather with the warm you are warped sounds and GMOs and pesticides just watching it none of it matches and it's obvious that at some points here he wasn't even saying anything you know we got to do right what don't thing we can do and then we never find out what that is the movie never goes back to these two characters again it shows them at some points but they don't do anything the only thing I found is at the very end of the credits after all of the outtakes and bloopers they say they got to start a movement with Kirk Cameron and then he starts freestyling I'll leave it to you to imagine how that sounded so was that just for fun or was that actually the thing they were talking about starting a movement with Kirk Cameron making this movie as minimal as the story and trust me I'm hesitant to use the word story but as minimal as the story is this adds nothing to it this is basically a runtime extender that's what this is anyways the next twenty minutes is just a back and forth in the car between Kirk and Christian about how everything is actually about Jesus and it just gets crazy okay so are you ready for this let me get this straight here Christmas trees are actually about Jesus because when God made the world he had a house and he filled his house with trees and then put lights and nuts and fruits on the trees and then when Adam ate fruit from God's tree in the Garden of Eden he couldn't put the fruit back onto the tree cuz it was inside him so in order to do that he would have to put himself back on the tree and since Jesus was the last Adam he put himself on the cross as to put the fruit back on the tree I think this is what he starts sounding like that one friend whose you pulled one too many cones and just starts trying to connect everything what if we decorate Christmas trees because God made trees and we put decorations on the trees just like God group on the trees what yes at one point Kirk starts talking about how the presence looked like a city skyline the skyline of New Jerusalem and how the tree at the center is the Tree of Life and so on and so on now you can believe whatever you want I really don't care but I find it amazing that when you think hard enough you can pretty much connect anything to anything else really it's not that hard just pick random things and you can connect them to God or Jesus or whatever you want just here I'm going to do this I'm actually gonna make it I'm gonna try and sound like Kirk does in the movie hot dogs believe it or not but hot dogs are actually representative of the Great Flood hot dogs are made from meat trimmings of different animals for chicken and beef hot dogs combined those animals and who else do we know of that combined the animals gathered them together Noah Noah combined all the animals in the ark now look at the hot dog bun do you notice something picture the bun like an ark and the animals go into the ark and the only reason we're allowed to eat hot dogs today is because no one any animals survived a great flood on the earth the part about Santa Claus is just hilarious Christian starts comparing Santa Claus to Satan because their names have the same letters and how Satan gets rid of Jesus much like Santa gets rid of Jesus on Christmas and it just goes on and on forever the dialogue in the car again a lot of it is obviously improvised but it just keeps going on like it's to the point where it's just annoying and repetitive this is this is a complete hijacking this is a hi Jackie high-handed hijacking handedness jacking it's like a car jacking but like of our religion so Kirk tells the story of st. Nicholas who went to this bishop who was spreading heresy around talking about how Jesus was less than God I guess and Saint Nick came and paid him a visit record says that at a critical moment during the council Nicholas put the heretic areas to shame not only by word but also by deed smiting him on the cheek you think that smiting him on the cheek would mean like what slap to the face punched to the face maybe but instead they just show him beating this guy up dragging him outside and just going apeshit on this guy yes I'm sure this is the story we should be teaching our kids if someone disagrees with your beliefs just take them outside and beat the [ __ ] out of them I'm sure all those mall visits to see Santa are just going to be so much more intimidating now you know if you're not good this year not only will Santa put a lump of coal in your stocking but I mean he just might drag you out into the parking lot and break your legs right now so after the beatdown he comes home and some of the acting here I gotta say it's it's like Silent Night deadly night part two caliber oh look who it is better you get that out of your system come on we got work to do [Music] come on let's go bless some kids tonight we've got gifts to give buh buh buh is that such a lovely story go out break a few bones come home hop in the sleigh merry Christmas to all here you go little little jebediah I brought you this wooden horse it's got some blood on it but that should wash right off so after all of this for whatever reason Christian is just like I've been wrong the whole time and then after some more dialogue that just repeats over and over again he rushes into the house and has some sort of awakening either that or he had a stash of m.d in the car and that's really why he went out there in the first place now the rest of the movie is just all slow-motion shots that will bore you to tears as if the movie hasn't already done that so then Christian goes up to his wife and apologizes for being a jerk and says I went ahead and just organized a hip-hop dance crew that encompasses all the joy and gospel burst excitement that I alone is one man just cannot express no really I did when when did you do this when did you organize an entire hip hop dance routine you just got back into the house you didn't do it before when you're in a piss-poor mood the whole time you weren't sitting in the back room going I just hate this holiday now but damn it people we got to get this choreography right come on five six seven eight and then there's a four-minute long dance scene because that's what we all need it to see and of course the feasting the part we've all been waiting for everybody goes crazy and you know what I got to give this guy some credit because he's just so into it his reaction is pretty much the same as mine when I finished writing this review and I realized I'd never have to watch this thing ever again so during the feasting Kirk tells us hey the materialism is actually a really good thing because the eternal God took on a material body so break out your finest silver the biggest ham the richest butter I'm serious that's actually a line in the movie unless of course you're not that wealthy then I don't know what to tell you go make more money because that's what God would want I guess wait a minute honey is this our richest butter I don't think it is it doesn't taste like the richest butter we have where did you get it giant fridge number one or giant four-inch number two because we all know giant fridge number one is all peasant food so as I mentioned before let's look at the storyline for this thing Christian leaves the party Kirk tells him hey just look at everything my way and Christian just basically says yeah this is much better we forget everything I said about being critical of the materialism and thinking about the less fortunate this is much more convenient happy were rich that's the whole movie basically now this wasn't written or directed by Kirk Cameron it was actually directed and co-written by Darrin Doan who plays Christian and he's actually a music video director he's done quite a bit of music videos but it also makes sense that most of this movie kind of looks like a music video in some hearts because of all the slow motion that's used the runtime is listed in 79 minutes and that's a generous 79 minutes it's the ending credits sequence is 10 minutes long 10 minutes long and then you throw in the bloopers in there and stuff that just you know aren't that interesting at all so in the end really it's about it's about an hour of Kirk Cameron talking and the other stuff is just what probably a you know a dozen setups give or take that honestly you could probably shoot this whole thing in a week or two weekend or two now when the movie came out it was met with some controversy because the critics didn't like it surprise surprise so Kirk took to his Facebook page and said help me storm the gates of Rotten Tomatoes all of you who loved saving Christmas go rated at Rotten Tomatoes right now and send the message to all the critics that we you decide what movies we want our families to see okay so no one's debating that in the first place no one's deciding anything for you critics just give their critical opinion it's up to you to decide what actual movies that you see this isn't Stalin's Russia dude you can go see whatever movie you want I love that woods basically just go out there and give the movie a good rating to send a message to all those critics that we don't care about ratings and of course you can just imagine what happened the internet you know caught wind of this and just bomb this thing into the IMDB bottom 100 list of movies right now it since at number two it's supposed to be I've seen it listed somewhere as a religious comedy there's no well there's no intentionally funny parts and all throughout the whole thing all I want to say is that for you guys no matter what you celebrate I hope you have a great time this holiday season for me Christmas has always been getting together with my family and friends and spending time together I love giving gifts to everyone I really couldn't give a [ __ ] less you know how shiny the forks are or how rich the butter is so if you celebrate Christmas no matter how you celebrate it Merry Christmas and to everyone else I wish you a safe and happy holiday season I'll see you guys in 2017 with more bad movies now if you'll excuse me I have a Festivus party to go to because I've had a lot of problems with a lot of people this year and tonight they're going to hear about it [Music] as you call this marks saving time saving people's time once he has his good revelation or whatever then the character just takes a turn into like full-scale lobotomy I don't know

Channel: FanboyFlicks

Views: 283,188

Rating: 4.9266396 out of 5

Keywords: Christmas, Christmas eve, Saving Christmas, Comedy, Funny, Hilarious, Bad movies, movie reviews, Bad Movie (Film), movie review, Reviews, fanboy flicks, horrible movies, worst movies, rotten tomatoes

Id: V_DVGkx86YY

Length: 17min 7sec (1027 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 24 2016