Fateful Findings - BAD MOVIES!

so reviewing faithful findings has been quite the journey and I use the word journey because I started watching Neil's films way back in April and I've just been chipping away at the reviews ever since this movie especially because there's just so much about it I don't understand at one point I actually started to doubt that I was going to finish them and the hardest part was probably going back and trimming them down so that they'd be a reasonable length but I mean I probably said this before and other reviews but typically my reviews will be around they'll come in at four or five pages sometimes six this one's at thirteen sir and this is after I've gone through and cut out all the [ __ ] that I didn't think was funny so with this movie I've done all that I could and you know what the funny part is is that even though I'm done writing it I'm only partially relieved because I know that I still have to finish filming this and then I'm gonna have to go through and edit it all and I just have no idea how long that's gonna take now if the room is considered the Citizen Kane of bad movies then that would make Tommy was Oh Orson Welles and if Tommy was Oh as Orson Welles then Neil Breen is easily the David Lynch of bad movies and if any of you are David Lynch fans you will know exactly what I'm talking about if you watch this movie David Lynch films are very interesting I I love David Lynch movies and a big fan of his and I'll just be honest with you a lot of the stuff I don't even know why I like it I just like it it's seriously some of the stuff in his movies it's just so weird and odd and I wish I could explain why I like it so much but I just can't I think part of it is that his movies for some reason they feel like dreams that might sound weird but if you're a fan of David Lynch chances are you know exactly what I'm talking about but when David Lynch does something weird in these movies it always feels artistic and I enjoy it when Neal Breen does something really weird in his mood please and just I have to remind myself why I'm still watching it so the movie starts off in the hall of a storage facility for some reason and amongst the storage lockers we have a big book sitting on a stool then some sparkles get sprinkled onto it what does it mean who knows I've watched the movie and I still don't understand any of this [ __ ] like it's not even stuff where I can look back and try and figure out what it represents not even close I have no idea but to be fair this isn't even close to the weirdest thing that you'll see in this movie so get comfortable guys because it's a it's about to get odd so now we have these two kids just walking around having fun this skull turns to look at them and again I'm just gonna blow right past this because it's about a 1.5 on a scale of 1 to 10 of all the weird [ __ ] this movie look.we up a mushroom but I liked how he just kind of leaves his hands out there for a while it's almost like luckily uh a mushroom yeah you see it right where my hands are Leah are you looking so the mushroom disappears and reveals a small pouch then there's a puff of smoke that's supposed to mean something maybe it's some kind of curse who knows maybe when they crack that box open it was like when they opened the ark and raiders and now all the smoke ghosts are loose all the ghosts of the past of bad writing and directing and acting and editing and pretty much everything so Dylan takes the stone or cube or whatever it is out of the box and Leah puts some beads back into it beads that were just sitting right next to it on the ground for some reason I still don't understand the beads beads okay so first of all I'm gonna go back because if you listen carefully when she says she's gonna make a bracelet it almost sounds like somebody is starting to laugh I mean can't you just imagine the boom mic operators standing there [Music] and also hit the magical day why would you write that down is that supposed to be some kind of diary or something and you took up the whole page is that the entire entry for the day just it's a magical day oh really that's that's it eh no mention of the vanishing mushroom or any of the other weird [ __ ] you just saw so then we get a voiceover from Neil saying that Lea had to move away when her dad got transferred and that he never saw her again so this is him as a kid this whole opening took place judging by the kids age and by how old he looks at say 40 years ago give or take now here's the problem whatever you do a period piece or even just a single shots or scene in a movie or a TV show or whatever the thing that's really going to sell it as taking place during a different time are things like set decorations props wardrobe that sort of thing so if you're working with a small budget and you can't afford any of those things your best bet would be to try and avoid any of those same things that might modernize it you know things that didn't exist four decades ago like a Lexus rx330 or a 2010 Ford Fusion maybe so after Lea leaves and Dillon is left behind we get this really quick shot of him now why it's so quick it doesn't cut together at all and it cuts horribly with the scene after it because the scene right after it is Dillon leaving the inside of a building so that doesn't work I understand you want to show what he looks like now but you got to find another way to do that maybe I don't know get a closer shot of him as he's walking out of the building talking on the phone because this shot of him with the blue sky as the background doesn't exactly cut with the next shot of him walking from the inside of a building so Dillon's on the phone talking to his wife well not really I mean we hear her talk and responding to him but he's obviously not saying anything at all Dylan is standing and by the shots they use it looks like he's waiting for the light to change but from where and look at all these people crossing the road to where are they they're not beside him we obviously know that because the last shot just showed there is nothing to the right or left of him and they're obviously not across the street either I can seriously go on about this until I'm blue in the face but in the interest of saving time let's move on to the part where Dylan drops his phone somehow and gets hit by a car the puff of smoke appears again along with that stone thing he founded the mushroom jewel box so after a while of being in a coma still holding on to that stone Dylan finally wakes up gets out of bed and I swear to God if his gown somehow blows open now god damn it I do it was coming I just didn't know when and I don't understand why I've said this in the last review but the nudity in Neil's movies just seems so random and pointless was it really necessary to show us this now from what I've heard Neil is a real professional when it comes to making these movies I said before I really respect his ambition and I'm sure he's a really great guy I just don't want to see his junk however to be fair the amount of back sack in this shot is nothing compared to the barbel flow were treated to and double down but still I would prefer none of it to be honest so Dylan leaves the hospital somehow finds his way home and into the shower and isn't this just the pinnacle of romance in cinema cringy nudity an awkward embrace and of course a really bloody shower Neil's acting in this movie is more or less pretty much the same as his previous efforts which is actually a good thing because I have to say it's pretty entertaining [Music] now these are Dylan and Emily's friends there's a storyline here about how the guy is an alcoholic but it's completely irrelevant I really don't understand why it's even in the movie now throughout the movie you're going to see some weird things to say the least a mysterious person wearing black pants and shoes may show up and do nothing multiple times throughout the movie you'll also get a few shots of Neil naked in a dark room to which again I can't see any point to don't understand what any of this means I can imagine it's symbolic of something I just don't get it and I'm not going to make the effort to try and wrap my head around it because it's I don't know and there's many of these throughout the movie there's one where he's got the other girl in there naked with him there's another one where he's got that book from the beginning and I just there's so much stuff in this movie that's not even close to coherent I feel like something's inside me now throughout the course of doing this show you guys have heard me harp on about pacing time and time again but I can't help it it just comes up constantly it's one of those staples of bad movies now there's a sequence here involving pills and I'd like to go over it just to show you the problem with pacing so basically what's going to happen is Delon is going to decide he doesn't need his medication anymore and his wife emily is going to steal it seems pretty straightforward but instead we get this Dylan looking for his pills asking for his pills Emily telling him she'll get his pills opening the cabinet stealing some telling him she has his pills bringing them to him by the way the audio cuts out completely for a few seconds here you'd probably think there's something wrong with your speakers I did Dylan looking at the bottle and deciding he doesn't need them for whatever reason Dylan's standing in the bathroom again saying that he's not going to take the pills throwing them in the toilet then just kind of tossing the bottle on the ground I guess for someone else to clean up because that's nice a shot of the pills in the toilet Emily making sure Dylan has left for a few seconds before reaching into the toilet water and taking the pill sets Dylan goes to visit a psychotherapist who conducts his therapy sessions in a boardroom apparently I can't imagine why this would be a good setting I mean talk about trying to be as far away from the patient as possible alienate them as much as you can that's a good idea you were not making progress on your second book I offered you medication that would help you I'm feeling less stable well that seemed like a good session looks like they made some real progress there it's funny but just by the placement of the coffee mug you can almost predict what's going to happen now I'm just gonna take a wild shot in the dark here but I'm willing to bet that a few of those computers were probably really old maybe even broken and that way you get props like that you can destroy them pour coffee on them throw them around and it doesn't end up really costing you that much but it still gives the appearance of real production value so they invite their friends and their daughter over for dinner but watch out dinner isn't even ready yet and Jim's drunk again he just had two beers in the garage earlier and now he's knocking back another one can I have some wine please oh well it's a good thing he didn't spill it on those appetizers that bread looks like it took a long time to prepare watching fateful findings will most likely leave you feeling pretty confused and frustrated and I'm not talking just about the bizarre symbolism I mean in terms of the characters and what's actually going on with them I'm going to continue hacking into these government systems to see what I can find out about all this national and international corruption I know is going on wait I'm sorry what am I still watching the same movie so he's a hacker now I mean I thought this was just a typical movie about a young boy who finds a magical mushroom with the stone inside and that grows up to be a great writer who gets hit by a car and has a wife who's addicted to painkillers and a best friend who's an alcoholic having trouble with his own marriage and now you throw me this curveball I mean I'm completely lost now there's just no way that this thing could get any more convoluted now here Neil goes from once to the next but they both take place in the same location when you do this it's always a good idea to cut away to something else to show a passage of time and also just gonna break up the scenes a bit in this case I would personally use an exterior shot of the house I feel that always kind of works well but Neal chooses to go with the shot of his empty office and he does this a few times and it really doesn't work that well it's just showing that yep he's not in his office right now he must be doing his work somewhere else another thing is that when you use a sound effect make sure that the person is still doing the action that would cause the sound effect now this scene is supposed to have some I guess playful romance yes push over those broken laptops throw those blank pieces of paper rip those clothes kind of in the scene leading up to it Dylan and Emily have a fight over of drug abuse and how it's changed her and that's it it just leads right into the scene where they mess up his office nothing gets resolved why would it yes let's just throw some papers around and totally forget about the prescription drug problem I'm sure that'll clear itself up Dylan goes to see a different psychotherapist and instead of having an office that's too big this one's the polar opposite this is just a corner in a room oh well at least she sprung for the high-end office furniture and I mean it should be obvious now that the acting is terrible but I'm going to give you another example of how bad it can get I knew it there is another girl no that is not true I have not been writing another novel I've been hacking into government and corporate international secrets all over the world and I'm going to expose them all and no one knows I'm doing it so Dylan and Emily are having a barbecue and invite their friends over and for some reason one of the doctors from the hospital shows up the doctor at the hospital it's nice to see you okay so you don't know her name which I'm guessing means you didn't invite her and to be completely honest why would you there's not a real connection there she's just a doctor from the hospital she wasn't even Dylan's doctor she was one that just kind of checked up on him every now and then so the question remains who invited her then did she just walk into somebody's backyard randomly hoping there would be a party going on and that's not like one of those situations where it's a huge party and you know they were friends of friends who showed up there's barely anyone here in the first place I mean there's their friends Jim and Amy their daughter Allie here they are on the other side of the pool now there's Allie again and Jim again and now the doctor and her fiance walk in this is the entire party so now she reaches for her phone and her diary pops out the same diary that Leah had and by the way I just want to go back here listen to the sound effect this isn't even like a ringtone this is somebody dialing anyways back to the diary which pops out which like I said is the same diary that Leah had so that means that this is Leah and I guess she's kept that with her all the time for the past 40 years really I don't think so I mean it's not like she's still making entries in it look how thin it is there's no way that thing is holding four decades worth of memories and I'm just going to point out these people are supposed to be around the same age do they look like they're around the same age it's either she aged really well or Neil just aged horribly it's one of the two and you got to love the directing acting and editing here just watch a bit of this [Music] get away from me Jim you drunk and stay there well it was so nice to meet you all we're gonna have to go but Cheers so now it's the next day I think and Dylan is in his office doing something work I guess who knows what the character is even supposed to be doing is he a hacker is he a writer I don't even know anymore then Ali just shows up in his backyard and takes her top off in his pool at first I thought maybe he's hallucinating or something like Clark in Christmas vacation but no this is actually happening this girl is trying to seduce him why who knows and then she goes into his house and tries to take a bath you know this might actually work if you plug the bottom of the tub first because right now you're just wasting soap and water so Dylan stops her and then we have one of the most awkward scenes in the movie please stop you can't do this please don't do it anymore you're going to stop you can't do this anymore it's amazing at just how weird this scene is I mean her character doesn't even say anything at one point she looks right at the camera almost as of to say please get me out of this movie and what does this have to do with anything nothing it makes no sense I think I've reached the brink here guys does it have anything to do with the plot of course not probably because there isn't one it has zero impact and to top it off it's not even remotely believable I'm sorry it's not I'm seriously not trying to insult Neil here but why would this girl be trying to seduce this guy I mean they don't even give us a reason maybe if she was saying an obsessed fan of his books you know like misery type [ __ ] if she was crazy and in love with him because of his writing you know it's still not completely believable in this situation but at least they would have tried to give us a reason I just found her swimming topless in our pool then I find her taking a bubble bath in our tub I told her never to come over again unless she called first good yes good I can't have all these young naked women walking around too much of a distraction trying to get my book done over here or hack into something I don't know so Jim and Amy get in a fight again while they're drinking of course and Amy decides she's not going to take it anymore goes into the garage and kills Jim and now I'm just gonna let you watch this reaction from their daughter here so Amy tries to stage the scene to look like a suicide but holy [ __ ] I can tell Jim didn't marry her for her brains yes just live the gun right next like that with your prints all over it and the shell casing - I'm sure homicide will have a real hard time cracking that case so coincidentally Dylan was coming over to their house - there's actually no reason given he was just there and I love this death scene it almost kind of reminds me of death scene in the room at least acting-wise Jim how could you have done this Jim I can't believe you committed suicide I cannot believe you committed suicide how could you have done this how could you have committed suicide and for some reason well Dylan is holding Jim he wipes his blood on his face I mean he could say maybe he's trying to wipe away his tears but we gonna need some more convincing acting to pull that off so Dylan goes and meets up with Leah and they go back to the magic mushroom meanwhile Emily decides to kill herself by taking a bunch of pills I'm not exactly sure why I guess she felt guilty because she thought she caused Jim's death by pushing him away at the barbecue now I'm just gonna skip through the creme G scene where they have sex by the mushroom Dylan then comes home to find Emily unconscious and you got to love the sense of urgency here Emily Emily wake up we go [Music] yes when you find your friend lying next to a gun with blood everywhere call 9-1-1 call 9-1-1 come home to find your wife unconscious and unresponsive just let go wake up now in this scene dylan tells lea about how he's been hacking into all these government secrets but honestly i would love to read the script for the scene just the beginning of the scene because of how bizarre it is it might look something like this Dylan's office day Dylan sits at his desk stuffing spinach into his mouth while Lea sits across from him smiling dylan sets the plate awkwardly on top of some file folders which collapse and cause the plate to fall on the desk leah looked shocked and then smiles dylan covers his mouth concerned Lea smiles dylan smiles back [Music] I can't wait any longer I'm not waiting for this well if you're not ready for it then couldn't you wait longer I mean if you're not prepared for something wouldn't you want more time to get ready and you know what the funny part is I have no idea what he's talking about ready for what I seriously am completely clueless as to what this is even about and now here we go as Lia is walking to the house she gets abducted by someone and just watch this is this not the most Awkward looking thing you've ever seen I mean just look at the guy he runs up to her then does a little jig and kind of pushes against her anyways he finally manages to kidnap her but drops a car on the ground with his instructions on where to take her and of course instead of cutting away to something to show a passage of time they just cut back to the exact same spot as Dylan is coming home and of course freaks out when he finds her purse and can't get ahold of her on the phone so he goes to the location in the kidnapper is just sitting on the ground dazed for some reason I guess he's supposed to be drunk Dylan can't get into the trailer without a key so when the guy says he doesn't have it I don't know why he wouldn't Dylan does the smart thing and knocks him out with the bottle because yeah that will help you get inside so somehow Dylan uses magic or something to teleport into the trailer and save her I'm going to get out of here but you can't see what's about to happen I'm gonna put the gag back okay wait why is that necessary I mean I understand the blindfold you don't want her to see them magic or whatever but the gag okay now I have to put the blindfold back on and open wide because here comes the gag as I shove it back in there Dylan drives out to the desert then meets up with some mystery people but nothing happens the books out there and the book disappears therapist disappears we're back at the house again with the weird stuff I have no idea what's happening here the mystery person believes a lot and then it's morning Dylan gives a press conference talking about how he's hacked into everything this guy says his company was so corrupt and now he kills himself in front of everyone the press conference just rolls right along the senator hangs himself and other guy kills himself same with this woman and this guy it's really just a mass suicide at this point and that's pretty much the end of the movie once again I have no idea what happened I don't even know how to summarize it because it's about so many different things and then tries to tie together so many different things that obviously have nothing to do with each other so that's pretty much it I really hope I didn't miss anything actually I don't care I'm I'm done I'm so done with this movie this took me so long to write and I don't even understand I mean I don't wait so who kidnapped his girlfriend like this is this goes completely by the wayside why was she kidnapped a booth so why was she kidnapped and who did it we never find this out what does this have to do with anything is this the people trying to you know keep him quiet or something for exposing the government secrets oh yeah leave these are real pros kidnap the girl then go get drunk outside the place where you kidnapped her oh and make sure to leave behind the business card with the instructions of like who would leave who would give the kidnappers the instructions written on a business card and then signs their initials at the bottom what they would you sign the instructions of the kidnapping why would you do that honestly guys this is I don't even it's so hard for me to pick the worst movie I've ever seen doing this show so far it's really her this is definitely I don't know this rivals samurai cop because at least samurai cop there was they are on a mission like you knew what was going on throughout the movie Neil has a new movie coming out this year I think it's pretty much inevitable and that I'm gonna have done probably gonna have to review it so who you want to see the trailer for that I will post it in the description again guys thanks for watching I know it's been a while since I've you know put out videos this one took especially long but I have the next one written just not sure how funny it is the movie wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be which is really tough because I wrote like six pages honestly I'm glad I made it through this whole thing this was just a marathon 13 pages I told myself would not drink during this review I drink before the review does it make sense none of it makes sense we marble flow we read that's gonna be one of those that's gonna be one of the ones that's gonna make me laugh all throughout editing as well I like that one just these try this just like sitting there imagine me sitting there just trying to come up with the most grotesque revolting terms possible for showing your sack on screen

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Views: 617,340

Rating: 4.9390068 out of 5

Keywords: fateful findings, Comedy, Funny, Hilarious, Bad movies, movie reviews, Bad Movie (Film), movie review, Reviews, fanboy flicks, horrible movies, worst movies, Neil Breen, review

Id: QOq6BYZ2ho4

Length: 31min 47sec (1907 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 25 2016