Kimberly Hahn - How to Grow in Godliness through Marriage (2019 Defending the Faith Conference)

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] sister Marian's talk was so beautiful I'm tempted to just sit down and have us use this time for prayer but I think I have an obligation and and I want to share the pots that are on my heart this whole weekend has been a feast a feast and it's gonna take a lot of time to think and pray it through isn't it probably a year I want to talk to you today about the vocation of marriage in particular and and I I think that in a way it's gonna be a little bit of an examination of conscience looking out that the number of graying heads I see here I think it could be something useful to jot down and take home and share with your children who are married it's not meant as a discouragement but it's meant to point us on in all the ways that we can grow in our marriage relationship before I was a Catholic we I overheard a conversation between a couple of college students at the college of st. Francis in Joliet Illinois one of them said do you have a vocation and the other one said no well I want to get married and I said to Scott is that a Catholic answer it doesn't sound like a kappa cancer and obviously it's not we all have a location a particular way we have been called to grow in holiness a gift every one of us has it's a way to walk with our Lord to grow in faith hope and love in obedience and then to live out this incredible plan and God didn't let married people or leave married people out right we also can grow in holiness between my junior and senior year Scott was on my heart now he had recruited me the year before to work in young life but throughout the summer he just kept coming to my heart and I could tell I was starting to have very strong feelings for him and I'm like lord I don't want to do that I don't want to make it seem like I've got to come back my senior year and not leave without my Mrs and so I will pray for him every time he comes to my heart but the the verses that I used was Psalm 37:4 and five take delight in the Lord and he'll give you the desires of your heart commit your way to the Lord trust in him and he will act and so I would pray that and I'd say Lord I'm going to be faithful as his sister I'm gonna pray for him and please keep my feelings at bay and day after day I prayed for him and finally we were on a young life retreat one month into the school year and I would I went out on this rock and I am praying and I said Lord I have asked you to take away these feelings and they only keep getting stronger and so either changed my heart or give me what I want and I left that rock and I started walking up the hill and I ran and just got on and he said where are you going and I said I'm not sure and he said would you like to take a walk with me and I said yes and because it kind of led through the woods before we could get over to the to the river he said here take my hand so you don't trip I'm like oh yeah I'll take your hand we ended up by this waterfall and we were talking about like qualities we saw in a future mate really interesting conversation he says later he knew I was describing him but it wasn't intentional it really was the things that were on my heart that I wanted in a future spouse and I remember he said I'm interested in possibly having a long-term relationship and I said how long-term I'm not wondering are we talking about just the senior year we talked a long term and he said maybe very long term and years later when we described it he almost asked me to marry him and I remember standing there saying thinking in my heart if he asked me to marry him I would say yes that was how God worked in our hearts in our lives with an intense love for Christ he brought us together when Scott and I became cash like this we realized even more fully what this vocation entails st. Paul says in first Corinthians 7 32 to 34 the unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord how to please the Lord but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs how to please his wife and his interests are divided by the way there is no clock running now that I'm perfectly fine with that but it could put me in trouble or put you all in trouble so can someone make sure I have a clock up here okay thank you on the other hand by His grace our marriage is a living witness to the world of the relationship between Christ in the church so on the one hand the married man the married woman has many many things to think about to worry about less so if if we were consecrated but that's part of this vocation okay it's not doing an end round it trying to live the life of a consecrated person in the midst of marriage it's living marriage to the full and by doing that by really bringing it all to the Lord that's my path to holiness that's my husband's path to holiness and it's a witness to the world of the relationship between Christ and the church so if you are married this is your vocation I had one friend tell me I really think I missed God's will because I was a more contemplative person I said you're married so now you know this is God's will so you embrace it with everything in your being you don't wish that you were the other okay and God's trustworthiness is that foundation for our faithfulness lamentations 3 22 to 23 says the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases his mercies never come to an end they are new every morning great is thy faithfulness his love never wavers his grace knows no bounds and he invites us to renew our marriages by His grace how can we reinforce the foundation of marriage okay I'm I'm gonna break it into a few items about our thoughts our words and our deeds so four areas of thought life prayer there isn't a limit to what God can do but our prayer life is essential this is where we build on that foundation of trust this is where we open our hearts as sister Miriam so beautifully led us to do to say Lord yes yes to your will what do you want me to do now at that moment you may hear a baby cry and at that moment God is saying it's time to stop praying and go pick up your baby okay that's part of this beauty the challenge of married life he calls to us and that we return to prayer as were able the more we grow in grace the more our spouse trusts his or her heart to us you know Archbishop Fulton sheen talked about the relationship and marriage being triangular our Lord and in our spouse and ourselves and the closer we get to the Lord the closer we get to each other right if we yield ourselves to the work of the Spirit in our lives he's gonna produce his fruit in our marriages according to Galatians 5:22 and 23 what's the fruit of the Spirit love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness self-control this is the fruit of the Spirit II once not only to produce in our individual lives but in our life as a married couple and that comes from the Spirit every day we thank God for our spouse in prayer the gift he or she is and we pray for our spouse pray for that particular person and we bring all of the concerns that we have with Thanksgiving that's so important it's not just begging God for help for relief for wisdom for grace it's thanking him in advance that he is listening that he cares that he is eager to open our hearts in some new ways so that we have a have a way forward how can we help with this situation Philippians four or five to seven says this have no anxiety about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus we have concerns but those concerns don't have to become anxieties and what do we do with those concerns we bring them to him but we don't just bring them to him we bring them to him with Thanksgiving we already set up our hearts to know there is an answer and that peace of God is gonna pass understanding it's going to work in our lives so just as we choose Christ every day in prayer I challenge you choose your spouse every day in prayer secondly purity of thought never entertain impure thoughts lust begins in the mind Jesus said you've heard it was said not to commit adultery I say to you everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart years and years ago women struggled with sexual fantasies but it was more along the lines of soap operas and racy novels and that kind of thing pornography was mostly men going to stores and then downloading the internet porn but now they say up to 40% of the purveyors of pornography online are women these images distort what is a man what is a woman what is the act of marriage it does such great damage men the only woman you should ever see naked and desire is your spouse women the only man you should desire to see naked and to desire should be your spouse if you have impure thoughts realize that the thought itself is not sin it's entertaining the thought okay so when that thought comes to mind rebuke it that's a great time to turn to Mary and say pray for me purify my thoughts help me desire my spouse both viens 4:8 says this finally brethren whatever is true whatever is honorable whatever is just whatever is pure whatever is lovely whatever is gracious if there is any excellence if there is anything worthy of praise think about these things third forgiveness from the heart I wish so much my parents had explained to me when I was little that you can forgive without feeling like you're forgiving I thought you had to wait until you felt like you had forgiven someone to say you forgave them but it's an act of the will we choose to forgive now it's great when the feelings follow but they don't always it doesn't depend on the feelings when an incident or words come back to our mind we thank God that we have forgiven that person instead of mulling it over one time I went to confession and I said you know I'm doing okay and then I begin to think about what someone said or did and I just get all revved up again I get angry again I get you know I said is that wrong and he said actually it is don't don't give in to that mulling it over because you have forgiven walk in that forgiveness and forth in our thoughts develop that thankful spirit toward your spouse realize your spouse is God's good gift to you his instrument to strengthen you to call you on for sessile onehans 5:16 it 218 says this rejoice always pray constantly give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you you know what to know the will of God I can tell you one part of it it is to be thankful to thank him in all circumstances we can do so many tasks we can take care of the house and the kids but if we allow sourness to be there if we treat these tasks this perfunctory instead of opportunities to love our children and our spouse bitterness can grow and we deplete the joy inside of ourselves we deplete the joy in our home there are many distractions in married life but those distractions can bring us closer to the Lord as we look at them in the light of he's the one who's called me to this vocation of marriage and family life there are so many clothes to wash thank you God I have such a large family there's so much of this house to clean or there's so much of the yard to keep up with thank you that we have a home there's always a way I shared this a little earlier in the week I told my mother she has a wonderful way of just spiritualizing all the tasks of home making and I said to her okay I get I get a lot of things but what about do pee diapers I mean you know it's just endless and it's everywhere and and she said I just think oh Lord I have a chance to make this child feel so much better all cleaned up and I just pray for that little child I clean him up and then he's able to go where I said what about ironing okay I hate ironing I don't hate it as much now but I at that time and she said I pray for the person who's gonna wear that garment that he or she will do things that honor Christ that they will say things that are good and and it's just like it doesn't that transform it I mean there's a way to transform all of it all of the mundane tasks even the drive to work some of you may have long commutes to work how can God redeem that time so that even that time as you're going into the labor for your family or your returning home from work to your family God can use that time to refine your heart to open your heart more in thankfulness for your spouse and your children and what happens when they act up because they do we do Hey I love Alice von Hildebrand had this image that you know how when you go to take a photo sometimes someone yawns or children go through this phase of doing the Big Cheese grin that's you know they're smiling beautifully and then you say okay and then they go big smile and you say the photo doesn't do him justice can we do that in those moments where we disappoint each other and we let each other down can we understand that what drew our hearts to that individual is far greater than what's discouraging us at that moment and at that moment it's not doing him or her justice so we fill our heart with Thanksgiving okay seven ways that we can grow in faithfulness in throwerw words number one again prayer prayer together prayer alongside each other prayer drawing the family together we want to show our children how dependent we are on him because lifelong they are as dependent as we are on the Lord right so we want to model that number two speaking the truth in love always desiring and this is you know just have to stop and ask myself am I doing this and when am I not doing this but can I communicate respect and at the same time share things that are difficult the goal can't be to set the other person straight or even worse to hurt the other person but to speak the truth in love so that our marriage can get stronger we were on a family vacation and my dad always chose a Bible verse and this was particularly good you know we have a lengthy car trip too it took a whole week out to drive out to Washington State and we had a whole week in the car coming back so we had a lot of time in the car and he had us memorize James 1:19 and 20 no this my beloved brethren let every man be quick to hear slow to speak slow to anger for the angered man doesn't work the righteousness of God quick to hear slow to speak oh wouldn't it helpful to have that kind of go off like a shining light as you start entering into combat slow to anger are my words gonna offer more light than heat can we make it a goal more words of affirmation fewer words of criticism Scott said this before and I think it's so true God is more interested in making me holy than in using me to make Scott holy okay sometimes we get that turned around oh if I could just set you straight if I could just change you but what God is saying honey out you're the one I'm working on okay so to raise concerns gently speaking the truth in love in love in love and keeping in mind that timing is everything all right number three working on our communication skills you know the better we understand ourselves the better we understand each other the more our love can deepen there are differences in personality in temperaments in birth order in love languages in being male and female plushes 3:14 says and above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony I'll just give you one example of how this made an impact on us I'm a first forms and first Born's I think they're always right now you have to give us a little credit we were the first born so we were a few years ahead of every other sibling in terms of understanding and rationalizing and verbal skills and so we want a lot of battles right with siblings because we we tended to be right we were right a lot it does not build much humility in a firstborn my husband is the last born he's the baby of the family the baby of the family assumes they kind of approach an argument like okay where where am I wrong then when you get married you need to both have that attitude I took a lot of time to work that out for me so the more self-knowledge we have I think that helps our communication number four never lie never lie proverbs 12:22 lying lips are an abomination to the Lord but those who act faithfully are his delight we can only build a foundation on our inner marriage by always speaking the truth okay number five practice discretion every thought we think is not worth saying whoa and we're both very verbal but every thought we think is not worth saying I love I love this verse proverbs 16:32 in fact it's a great one for sons he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit then he who takes the city do you want to be powerful self-control control by the Holy Spirit is powerful we need to honor confidences both personal and professional proverbs 17:9 says he who forgives an offense seeks love but he who repeats the matter alienates a friend do we make a point of not revealing the weaknesses of our spouse especially to those he's close to especially to our children that's a new temptation for those of us who have adult children do you ever give in to revealing something about their dad or their mom that would make them look bad that would be you know it's it can come out like a joke well you know what Dad did the other day or what mom did the other day but it weakens the relationship it doesn't strengthen it don't turn your adult children into your confidant if you need a counselor find a counselor I I would say I would say that very strongly and sometimes children will do the divide-and-conquer thing they'll come to you and they'll say don't tell Dad but and every time they have said that I've said now I know I have to talk to Daddy about it because your heart knows he needs to know even though you're afraid for him to know if a friend comes to you and says I want to tell you something but don't tell your husband I always will say then don't tell me because I don't permit things to be anything that could be a wedge between us now that doesn't mean I'm gonna run until Scott everything there isn't enough time in the day to tell him everything that happened right but we have to guard that Union that get Union okay number six forgiveness God is rich in mercy and we try to imitate him so we humble ourselves and thereby strengthen each other first Peter 4:8 above all hold unfailing your love for one another since love covers a multitude of sins we don't need to remind our spouse about our sins unlike God the scriptures say forgets our sins we are we may be quick to forgive we're not always quick to forget but the way to be miserable is to reflect on your spouse's flaws and weaknesses love chooses a better way Paul says in 1st Corinthians thirteen seven love bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things number seven make the choice between being contentious and what you're saying or content it's a choice there's some interesting proverbs there are two different proverbs that talk about a nagging wife being like a constant drip just a constant drip and this was one Scott quoted and this is also in two different places proverbs 21 nine and twenty five twenty four better to live in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman and when we lived in Milwaukee we had some doozies of arguments he had just become Catholic and I had no interest in even talking about becoming Catholic and at times he would say his office was on the third floor I'm going to the corner of the rooftop that's all I would say there's also a proverb that addresses this in men differently proverbs 26 21 as charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire so was so quarrelsome man for kindling strife we have a choice am I going to become contentious or will I be content and st. Paul says in first Timothy 6:6 there is great gain in godliness with contentment God isn't finished with me yet he isn't finished with my spouse can I give space for grace to work I'll just mention this one time you know someone had given us the advice of don't let the Sun go down on your anger so I remember I remember that advice and it seemed like almost each night as we went to bed the first three weeks of marriage I said to Scott can can we talk to you about something and he would say yeah and I would bring up something whether it had to do with the toilet seat being up or down or who was supposed to take out the garbage that was a very interesting conversation while saved for another time or you know other things and about the third week he said can you give this a rest it's like you're not gonna change me in like the first month of marriage I'm not gonna change you and I really you know I've realized I really wasn't understanding that advice it didn't mean bringing up every little thing that bothered me before we could go to sleep at night okay okay okay now make love your aim through deeds through deeds now four ways the first is to practice the faith with a sincere heart this means take advantage of the sacraments get to confession get to the Eucharist drink deeply of those instruments of God's grace in our lives if you don't have a spiritual director pursue someone who could offer that don't wait for mortal sins to go to confession because venial sins beat down the path but mortal sins get there more easily we want to be a maximalist not a minimalist and the more grace we get the more that we can receive and the more we receive the more we can give and it just is this beautiful loop I became convinced confession was a sacrament long before I wanted to go to confession because I watched how differently Scott was when he got back from confession in fact one time in the kitchen about a year after he became Catholic he was a little cantankerous and I said when did you go to confession for the last time and he said okay I need to go but someday I'm gonna say the same thing to you and honestly he has been so incredibly faithful he has set the example of weekly confession and he has reproduced this in our children and one of the greatest gifts we've ever given our daughters-in-law his sons who go to confession regularly that is a great gift don't allow the faith to be a feminine woman thing in your home we need men and women drinking deeply of the sacraments number to live chastity well 1st Thessalonians 4 3 to 6 for this is the will of God your sanctification that you have stained from unchastity that each of you know how to take a wife for himself in holiness and honor not in the passion of lust like heathen who don't know God and I'm going to follow that up with a quote and then I want to give you a few specifics st. Josemaria Escriva says this so beautiful by divine vocation some are called to live this purity in marriage others for going all human love are called to correspond solely and passion to God's love far from being slaves to sensuality both the married and the unmarried are to be masters of their body and heart in order to give themselves unstintingly to others that beautiful so how do we embrace this well obviously before marriage chastity means we don't have sexual relations we talk to our children about the importance of saving ourselves my dad never held back how awesome and wonderful sexual union was in marriage he never thought I would want to experience it beforehand because he didn't hold back that it was beautiful but then he would go on to say and it gets better every year because I know your mother better in other words it had to do with intimacy that flowed from knowing and loving the person and there's so many times on TV when I hear people talking so glibly about sex and I think as a 61 year old woman who has been married for 40 years I can look at you and say you don't have a clue what sexes you don't even have a clue and it's heartbreaking to know how little they understand we need to live chastity in marriage which means one and only one has access to our bodies and to our hearts so modesty and dress who do we dress for we dressing for our spouse are we dressing for a boss number two affection affection between spouses never withholding ourselves from the other to manipulate or to punish might meet we might in the midst of conflict we might need more resolution before there can be intimacy but there are times when even the intimacy is part of what helps overcome in a good resolution conflict my mother is about as modest a person as you could ever be in conversation and and it was very difficult to be well-prepared before marriage because she didn't want to say anything about the act of marriage and what that could be and but she has never held back periodically saying to me I don't want details but are you and Scott making love on a regular basis I'm telling you I honor her for saying that because there are so many people that feel like it'll be when I when I say it is and if the act of marriage is really renewing that covenant and mirrored in receiving our Lord in the Eucharist receiving each other then you know a frequency is a great blessing and it's a ministry to each other it's a way of affirming even with all the extra weights you have and the scars you have that you are the chosen one I mean my husband says to me my body says sorry he looks at me and says your body says you have loved me enough to bear my children and I mean I've got scars up and down and sideways from c-sections I've got all kinds of marks on my body I don't look like I when we got married but it doesn't matter because I have loved him with my body and he loves me with his we long for that touch that physical affection 1st Corinthians 7:5 don't refuse one another except by agreement for a season that you may devote yourselves to prayer but then come together again let's Satan tempt you through lack of self-control if any of you are using natural family planning don't stop being affectionate you know it's like don't touch me I'm fertile no no touch each other express your love one of the funny things to me is seeing my children react we we have something sometimes I'll be out in the kitchen and Scott will come out and wrap his arms around me and give me a kiss and we call it snitching in the kitchen and and my kids if they walk out they're like oh gee but they loved it they loved it I remember one time years and years ago Hannah I guess had been praying for another baby and she said to me I'm praying for another baby and I said great and she said I just want to know is it possible I said yes and don't you ever ask again but she wanted to know what was it worth to pray if I we weren't actually being intimate with each other for some reason there's another time when David was about four years old and we were hugging close in the kitchen and he he wedged himself between us and I thought I wonder what he's doing and he said okay now squeeze and he just wanted to feel the crush of love you know it was so beautiful we approach each other as approaching a sanctuary with awe with reverence entering the Holy of Holies of our home in the inner sanctum by cooperating with God's grace in which new life could come I heard a conversation on a focus on the family radio show that was so disturbing it was three Christian woman's sharing about finding out they were expecting and they didn't want to be and how they had considered abortion they use words like unplanned accident unwanted and I thought about it I mean what's unplanned that's so negative disasters illnesses accidents but a baby when you think of accidents you think of destruction damage death maybe you sow seed that with a baby and how about unwanted I mean maybe warts pimples hair loss extra pounds but a baby it was such an inversion of good and evil as if it's good not to conceive and it's bad to conceive and these Christian women were in loving marriages but they placed their confidence and contraception when contre the confident sorry when contraception let them down they considered killing the new life that had come from their marital Union now I trust as Catholics we would never go there but it is in measure it's it's a it's in part why it's so desperate for us to live this vocation deeply yes we need to be anti-abortion but so much more we need to be for life we need to see that God in giving us this vocation of marriage has given us a unique opportunity that in our whole lives were only married for X number of years and in those years we're only potentially fertile for how many years and out of those years of fertility how many times could we even conceive it's a limited time offer and what God wants to do is out of these unions bring godly offspring souls who will live forever with him the Lord of life welcomes us into this vocation is it difficult yes but it's not impossible because with God all things are possible and those of us who have married children we have another temptation you might have lived the church's teaching well but will you come alongside your sons and your daughters who get married and urge them on to live holy marriages and to never embrace contraception or sterilization will you make it clear that this is called mortal in the churches teaching has not changed and they could get married and they could marry you know be a strong Catholic and they could marry a strong Catholic but if they forsake God in this they kill the life of their soul and they kill the life of their marriage now the beautiful thing is you can come to confession you can change you can repent but we need to understand the Church's teaching why in her mercy she does not withhold the truth from us have we withheld the truth from our children and the children who are already cohabiting before they're getting married they're not using NFP they think somewhere another they can practice a sacrament they haven't even received and then they'll say well I'm glad we cohabited because it didn't work out of course it didn't work out because you were trying something that you couldn't even try and you were killing the life of your soul in the process and don't tell me you love that individual because people who love each other don't take each other to hell they take each other to heaven now there's something on my heart I'm gonna I'm gonna go into a little bit of detail because I it's just really on my heart so I want to share some thoughts we need to live chastity by guarding our relationship one of my children came to me and said I'm so close to this one gal but now I'm engaged and I don't know what to do I feel like my fiance's a little uncomfortable with how close I am to this other gal and I said you really have two choices either you widen the friendship and you include your fiance so that the two of you have a relationship with this gal or you or you step way back you you don't continue to keep opposite sex close friends as close friends individually I had talked to one girl who was getting too close to a married man and I said what are you doing and she said well we just have a very st. Claire st. Francis relationship now st. Claire and st. Francis were very very protective of their vocations okay don't don't use them as your excuse and he you might feel more of a soul mate type draw to somebody but you know what your spouse is to be your soul mate and if he or she isn't pray that God changed that he can do that but we never want to justify a friendship on the basis of spiritual intimacy when that could open the door to adultery we have to live chastity in the purity of lovemaking there was a woman in California who told me that her husband had begun to ask her to watch pornographic videos with him so that they could be better educated in how to make love and she said everything in me recoils but am I wrong and I said no not only are you right tell him you will never watch another one you want all the things that you have in your home destroyed and you you all need to get to confession for this there is no one else I'm to desire besides Scott Hebrews 13:4 says let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled for God will judge the immoral and adulterers we can't give Satan a foothold we need to guard our marriage now there's some very specific things we need to do because temptations will arise we have to be on our guard it's not a question of if but when temptations come what are we going to do about it 1st Corinthians 10:13 says no temptation has overtaken you that's not common to man God is faithful and he won't let you be tempted beyond your strength but with the temptation will also provide a way of escape that you may be able to endure it ok how do we do that we need to guard our friendships many of you are in apostolates ok maybe you're working with the youth or the a a cadet program or you're leading CCD you're making significant roads into the kingdom of darkness and you may not realize how vulnerable you become people get close to each other working alongside each other spiritually praying and working together I talked to one young man and he said you know I was doing youth ministry and this woman who's married joined our team she's in a really lousy marriage I became her counselor and he said I'm trying to figure out if we can stay in youth ministry because I think she's going to leave him and we're gonna get married I'm like what is wrong with this picture at so many levels but she's married to a non-christian she's married you honor that marriage you don't go ahead and set a horrible example to all the youth in your church you pull way away and if she won't quit the youth ministry you put the youth ministry you cannot do this sometimes we don't know small expressions of affection or gifts or personal sentiments as inappropriate but they become tiny little hooks I remember being horrified our first year of marriage we'd had a real tough argument I went to work it's a very kind sympathetic kind of guy it was one of the co-workers it's like how are you and I my first impulse was to just really spill it because I was still so upset from the night before and I caught myself by the grace of God and I said I'm okay and then I just went to prayer I excused myself locked out of the office and I'm like lord help me guard my heart I need to work this out with Scott I don't need to bring anyone else into my confidence especially not a man and a person of the opposite sex and when I finally got over my trauma about that I said to Scott I have to tell you what happened at work a few weeks ago and I shared my heart my vulnerability and I said have you ever experienced that he said oh yeah when we got married his dad had not his dad's a jeweler and his dad had not made him a wedding band and so I asked him you know please make up a wedding band but it hadn't arrived yet and and so a girl at the seminary was trying to talk to him and it's kind of sideling up to him and could you help me with this and then his wedding band came in the mail and he said I would just stand there kind of playing with my ring she wasn't getting the hint and he said I you know I could tell she's an attractive person and he said I just removed myself I walked out of the library I made it very clear I have no interest in talking we we have to be honest there are temptations but what is our response gonna be you know is it gonna be how close can I get to the fire without getting burned or am I going to flee it the scriptures say flee fornication adultery cannot be numbered among us first Peter 5:8 be sober be watchful your adversary the devil prowls like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour he wants to devour you he wants to destroy your marriage to rip it apart to have it be so damaged in front of your children that your children walk away from God and I'm not gonna follow God because that's what my parents said and look what happened we don't need to live in fear but we've got to be aware that's my husband says this world is not a playground it is a battleground and we've got to be armed we've got to be a watchful because he wants to devour don't ever think oh he couldn't bother with my marriage with my family he's out to get anyone and everyone he can but the greater power the greater authority is in our Lord stay close to our Lord embrace your spouse he is at work you can trust him if any of you are on this path to adultery I want to say a few quick words the first one is stop it stop it now stop it today it is never too late it is never too late now is the moment of grace expose those secrets number two go to confession seek God's face for forgiveness and for grace to resist additional temptations and then accept God's grace forgive yourself when he has forgiven you do not continue to listen to the accuser who wants to rob you of any future joy with your spouse third cut off that relationship cut it off it's become an attachment do not return phone calls and letters that that he may use to woo you back do not talk to her don't have someone call and say well can we just get together to talk it over absolutely not act decisively and then avoid the near occasion of sin so if you're in a car pool with that person find another ride gas is cheaper than paying a huge consequence for adultery okay get off the committee get out of class transfer your job if you have to if you know that this is someone you work with and you're gonna be sent away on a business trip together go to your boss and say you can't go do not place yourself in temptation number five don't keep photos or gifts or anything that would rekindle that flame in your heart this is not just about the survival of your marriage it is about your soul your soul hangs in the balance as does the soul of the person for whom you may feel in attachment you have sinned against your spouse not just God so you need to find the correct time and way to ask your spouse for forgiveness but I want to urge you you do not need to go into details that just causes more pain but neither will it be a quick fix seek a counselor seek additional help ask your pastor God wants to bring restoration he wants to bring healing he wants to bring wholeness build accountability with a pastor a spiritual director or a same-sex friend break any old habits that would lead to this and foster new ones and set your heart on your spouse fill your heart with Thanksgiving for the spouse God gave you perhaps should consider a retroviral treat proverbs 14 one says every Wise Woman builds her house but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands and I want to echo it something Scott said on Friday father Keith's thinking about Christian marriage thinking about what we have the privilege of being called to do said if Catholics lived faithfully the Catholic teaching on marriage I think they would transform the world in one generation may the Holy Spirit help us to have this rich fruit of faithfulness to God and to our spouse in our thoughts our words and our deeds every day and may he build in us the habits of godliness in our lives and marriages so that we will be faithful witnesses to our children our grandchildren and the world and the world god bless you god bless you [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Steubenville Conferences

Views: 25,464

Keywords: Steubenville Conferences, Catholic, Franciscan University, Catholic Ministry, New Evangelization, Youth

Id: ociLVnohZ88

Length: 50min 42sec (3042 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 27 2019