Kierra Sheard Talks Grace, Finding Your Tribe, Body Positivity, Her New Book + More

wake that ass up in the morning the breakfast club morning everybody it's dj envy angela yee charlemagne the guy we are the breakfast club we got a special guest joining us this morning kiera sherrod kelly good morning good morning good morning the author of the new book uh big bold and beautiful big hole in beautiful that's yes yes yes first book what made you want to write a book well actually it was unintentional so i had been writing and just kind of journaling as a form of therapy and um this is how i came about i was looking in a email account that i hadn't been checking you know how you just kind of say oh this email account gonna be for like spam or whatever and um i looked in there something told me i'm a church girl so you know how those things be like the holy ghost told you it wasn't something that told you i went and checked and they were offering me a book opportunity and i was just like well let me just gather my journaling and that's how the book came about wow did you do all this during the pandemic when there was nothing to do you could sit at home take your time go to your journal and write so no i have been journaling from like 18 till now so literally it's like me putting my life story and everything that i've gone through in the book um and then i just had like some little studies from like bible study and i just threw it in there um so it was unintentional it was really a divine moment and like i said it was therapeutic for me and i didn't know i had a book in me if you know what i mean so what is what you said 18 and now i was like 21 22. what's now i'm still young i'm 33. okay okay okay it was a journey you're never nervous about a journal like everything that you write down and somebody finding that journal or reading that journal or something happens to you you in the hospital they open up your journal and read your personal things that doesn't bother you or scare you at all absolutely um i didn't put every little thing in there of course i did some sifting but i did put a lot of juice in there you know because i'm hoping to inspire young women you know to know that you know what you need to do as far as choices in your life all of that so i was and i think i've burned the journal if i'm not mistaken because i want nobody to find it and i get nervous now because i'm journaling on my phone i'm kind of like deleting stuff like i don't know if i should keep that so for sure i do get nervous about it well i started reading the book and i have to tell you i really appreciated how honest and frank you were about a lot of things in your life and decisions that you made and how rebellious you were so i did um want to discuss some of the things that you talked about one thing you said make better decisions with the people you allow into your life if we train our bodies to consume expired milk or foods it'll respond negatively the first time but if we continue we'll become immune to the poisons and then you talk about just basically tolerating expired relationships and i feel like sometimes we want to feel so loyal to people and just keep it going when sometimes things just aren't meant to be and we're only poisoning ourselves right so can you talk about yourself and those experiences yeah totally i just kind of had to step aside even from just me wanting to connect with people who i felt like i could relate to but i was relating with them when it came to my weaknesses and not my strengths so i was building relationships off of the challenges that i had and it wasn't relationships that would cause like healthy development and in addition to that i'm a creator and i'm sure a lot of creators can attest to the fact that we kind of move off of vibes like what i feel and i didn't always have people around me who were like wanting to see me win if that makes sense but i'm not playing the victim either because there were some issues that i had to deal with in myself but i just had to make better decisions and i understood that self-care wasn't just you know the bath with the candles it's like definitely about the village you have so i often say the village is not just for the child it's for the adult too and i felt most liberated when i had people that weren't just telling me yes but telling me no you got you got to put that down you know so it definitely has contributed to my mental stability with me being a big girl having someone to tell me hey you can embrace your big but still be healthy you know and um i'm like i said i'm a woman of faith so the word teaches me that a fool despises correction and i don't want to be a fool through life so it just challenged me to be a student at heart for sure i feel like we didn't do you know justice when it come to introducing you though your mom is uh karen karen clark yeah right from the legendary gospel group the clark sisters yes how was how was that growing up in that household um it was good pressure good challenge good accountability um at this point it's exciting to see that i have the opportunity to say that we're inspiring each other which inspires me more to be a student like i was saying at heart not thinking that oh you've arrived and you just but also um it's challenged me to work hard because you know a lot of people like oh she probably thinks she's gonna come in the game and think that everything's gonna be handed to her but no i work i work and i'm thankful too so i come in with a grateful heart as well i did the movie and um trying to sing like my mom i was like oh no this lady is an alien she's a monster because i literally was getting like lightheaded trying to hit her notes so it definitely was like her stunning me but not her being there saying no you're still a kid so sit back and chill out but it's really special and i counted a blessing for sure did you have to audition for that role was that like one of those non-negotiable this is nepotism we gonna make it happen no i had to audition wow i had to put the work in and honestly at first i wasn't sure that i wanted it because of so many other reasons but yeah for sure i did have to audition well good job because that movie broke all kinds of records and it did great numbers so clearly people really loved your portrayal of your mother thank you thank you so much was there any pressure to get into music because your mama's in the music so heavy was one of those things like no girl you getting in the music you could sing or was it like nah i did what i was able to do i can definitely say i was able to do what i wanted um of course my parents which i respect um because there were moments when i was young and i didn't really have the idea of what the future could be so i was just saying no from an immature place but thank god my parents were like hey go to school get your education but also have this musical side of you and see what it will do for you so it wasn't like an unhealthy pressure because they did allow me to be the nail tech once upon a time that i wanted to be or install wigs i'm really good at wigs so at one point i thought i was going to be in the cosmetology field and now here i am because i've listened to my parents and they're grooming so um it wasn't unhealthy pressure so you got married right are you officially married now i'm officially married yes congratulations thank you get married during the pandemic during the pandemic december 9th it was really special it was different i had lost my grandmother and i miss her so much so of course i wanted her to be there but the special part of it was my grandfather was there to marry me so it was it was really special it was very intimate i thought that it was going to be bigger but i think after losing my grandmother she definitely had me to see things differently when it comes to life where my dollars are going you know who really matters what doesn't matter um so it was really special it was just our parents our siblings and some of my friends were mad at me but they got over it or they wanted you to wait no they wanted to be there but because like we weren't into the vaccine just yet my grandfather he had kovitz so he's a miracle and i just it was a hard choice because i wanted people to be there you know everybody's like we should have been there so i don't want them to think i'm taking shots at them again in this conversation because we dealt with that's what i mean they want you to wait like could you wait a little bit which is very selfish by the way it wasn't a weight it was just we wanted to be there you could have figured out a way to make sure we were there and i understood but i was in a hard place you know because i didn't want to add to the body count that was in the space and then we all are nervous you know after going through what we went through i think my grandfather had like two steps i could get emotional thinking about that so it was just a weird space it was new for all of us you know but they didn't want me to wait they just wanted to be there you know you know in chapter three the chapter that you was talking about you talk about having to leave people behind right like how important is finding your tribe cause like you said we talk about a village raising a child but when you become an adult you're still growing you're still evolving yeah if people aren't on that level with you you know you got to leave them behind so how important is it to find your tribe it's so important um because again as a woman of faith you got scriptures that say iron sharpens iron and i was just having a conversation with a friend and it's possible that a friend can sharpen what's bad in you you know um and i think too if you're not careful um it can it has everything with your sanity you can make choices if you don't have people around you that say that's not good for you i think we all have seen even some of our favorite inspirations uh it's like i just wish they had somebody else around them to kind of save them from going down that path so it means a lot to me it speaks to my spirituality it speaks to and and i can say that even my business relationships are not just business it's like it goes deeper you know what i'm saying so i even talk about in the book the difference between draining relationships versus fountain-like relationships um and i came up with that because you can be sitting in a relationship or even just having a conversation leaving it not having felt safe you'll feel drained you'll feel exasperated and it's like where all of a sudden did this tire come from and it's like because you're sitting at the table with the wrong people so i just had to kind of overcome that and then just even in the rel in the book i talked about some relationships that i delve into that just weren't good for me and i would you know how you had your mom your dad tell you that ain't that ain't the situation you need to be in and you'll pick up habits and then you'll take that baggage to the promised place that you're supposed to be in and you'll then feel like you know what i'm inadequate to be here because you were once upon a time in this dysfunctional place that you were never supposed to be in and so then it just becomes a blame game it then weighs you down and then you start speaking to yourself when it was just it was a poor choice previously so now we got to go through a whole personal rehabilitation space if you know um so that's why it's so important to me um i'm really big on that and then i believe in prayer i believe in people praying for you when you can't get a prayer through you know it's it's moments when i was just broken and i just didn't know what to say to god but i had friends that was like no we about to i'm about to hold you we bout to hold hands and we about to go before the lord so that's why finding my tribe that tribe is so important for me that's why i call it the soul tribe you gotta have your soul trapped yeah absolutely also in the book you talk about your body image and we recently had kelly price and she was talking about how difficult it was uh her body wasn't the typical body the industry was used and it was difficult to get a deal and to get the label behind it did you have similar problems absolutely so it didn't tamper with the deal but i do remember and i mentioned it also where when i was younger because i started my first record was when i think i was 14 or 15. but um it started being take pictures only from the waist up and i was bigger than what i am now and i was like i don't want to take pictures you know from the waist up i'm young and um i remember somebody telling me before we don't want this picture because you look like the pillsbury doughboy and i'm like oh yikes you know and it came from um someone that and again i was young so re establishing relationships with record company execs or representatives it's like okay i'm trying to trust you or i'm thinking you're like a auntie but a business rep so having that kind of experience it definitely was um a moment that challenged me to own who you are and to speak up because i was kind of just letting people tell me what to do creatively and how to present myself and i started feeling like you know what i'm not getting ready to deal with this pressure i'm gonna speak up if the world wants me then i'm gonna give me them i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna give them me if you know what i mean that came from a woman a woman told you that yeah it did so so question because you did say that you you know started to get healthy right yes how do you have that conversation with somebody like what's a good way to have that conversation like okay you're big which is fine but you know we want you to be healthy like how do you have that conversation so actually my dad had the conversation with me um because as a leader he's um he's the one that's like i believe in ministry but i also believe in understanding that what we sing and preach about is not just in a pulpit it's a lifestyle so when he said that and broke that down to me i understood that me saying that i love god is not it's not just a song you sing it's how you treat the body that he's giving you and so um him having that conversation with me saying that worship goes deeper than the song you sing that's when i looked at it differently that's when i'm like oh my health is my return back to god saying thank you um so it was that conversation with my dad and him saying you know you're gorgeous here but i want you to live long i want you to live well and it will break me and i will feel responsible if i don't say anything to you about you being healthy um so and then my mom too she was also like you know because the sisters the clark sisters they were uh big women except for auntie derenda um but she said if you're gonna wear the juice just wear it well you know don't be sloppy so those are the way to what if you're gonna wear the juice so uh instead of fat we call it the juice okay so those are the kinds of ways that i've experienced that have changed my life and my perspective as it pertains to you know me being curvy but being healthy gotcha one another thing i thought was important as a message for women is that you don't have to put your life on hold waiting for a boyfriend or a husband to do things and to do those things when that person comes along can you expand on that as well because clearly now you're married but you went through a lot of frogs before you got to your prince for sure fraud um but uh i i kept waiting like uh i have been blessed to work and go out of the country and i'm like oh i gotta wait you know to go to paris with this significant other or i gotta wait to go to dubai with the significant other and after a while i was like you know what i'm if i'm going that way we about to make some stops especially because the trip is cheaper while i'm already over there you know so i'm about to wait for nobody else and then in that space that i was in i would have probably had to cover the expenses myself or whatever so i think that is so important because one thing that i did wrong was i made a boyfriend or i gave a boyfriend wife-like tendencies if that makes sense break that down a little more yeah my father told me before um kiara you have to understand that it's okay to date and i think steve harvey wrote a book um think like a act like a lady think like a man my nana gave me that book because they were all looking like it's okay for you to play the game you don't got to be a but you can play the game and so he said the root word of dating is data get the information you need and just play the game so that's what i had to learn rather than i thought i was entering into covenant with people that weren't giving me something promising for a lifetime you know it was just temporary um so those are the things that i had to adjust to say you know what i'm gonna do my thing i'm gonna live my life i'm not waiting on nobody if i get a trip to south africa i'm extending the trips not trying to get home to a boyfriend as if he's my husband you know worried about what he's gonna do so those were the things that i had to learn when it comes to that chapter successfully single i wonder if all that stuff happens naturally though right because it's like you don't want to practice bad habits right so if you're in a relationship with somebody i'm probably going to do some husband-like things and you might do some wife-like things that's how you determine whether or not you want to be husband and wife with this person for sure yeah but i think for me um i'll be honest being in a relationship and doing wife-like things it clouds your judgment because you're wanting marriage with that person and you're not seeing the red flags i'll speak for myself so it was a lot of red flags that i was ignoring because i wanted a certain thing but if a man doesn't want it with you or if even if somebody else doesn't want a long lasting relationship and that could just be with friendships it can't just be you we know what it feels like to be one-sided you know um so i think it's okay to dive in compromise make sacrifices but make sure you're making sacrifices for somebody that's going to give it back in return well what's wife like things like that sex it's it could be sex and that clouded my judgment you know and and i think too it speaks to i talked about in the book doing things god's way i saw why i needed to do it his way because i was making decisions off of how he made me feel versus what it could have been in the future so i was making a decision off of a temporary experience or just you know how he laid me out but it wasn't you ain't gonna be able to get me through when it comes to establishing life or establishing legacy um and it and another thing that i noticed is that i wasn't looking at the the person that i was dating saying do i want my children to be like this person it was more so this this feels good you know it feels great so my emotions were wrapped up into a different place rather than actually making life decisions true what about living together a lot of people will say well i don't want to get married until we live together how do i know i even want to spend life with this person uh you know talk about why you think that's not a good idea you're shacking out yeah so i i will say that i was guilty of that for some time you know and even while saying you know that i'm living this way um and i think there's a such thing like my husband has shown me that there's a way to spend time with each other and do it with boundaries i think it's just knowing your boundaries if you say you're going to live like one thing like my husband really helped me i thought i was living saved and living for the lord and so my husband came with a different standard and but he showed me that there is such a way to dive into a relationship to go deeper and to get the depth of that person but to respect your boundaries don't act like they're not there you know after a certain hour you get hot in your drawers so step back and say you know what okay i'm gonna be honest with myself you know i think we i will say i've gotten into spaces where i just wasn't honest with myself and then i would go and consult with everybody else about my life so then i was living with the opinions of everyone else but my truth and so i think that that is you can get to know somebody and you can spend time with them um so i'll stop there because i don't want to say too much but it's a way to do it for sure what did your parents your daddy say about you shacking up in particular he disapproves of it 100 um disapproves of 100 not his thing yeah that's what they call it that's what they call it for sure now how are you letting the cannon i'll sing you how did you say it again is incredible so i just had to let him do his thing i was completely blown away at the fact that he could actually play and sing first of all i'm joking i know okay i'm just making sure she said i know yeah yeah i know clearly okay but it was special it was fun um you know i thought only to nick was acting um and to see that we kind of come from similar backgrounds it was really inspirational i heard he asked the rap on the record and you told him no no that's not true none of that ain't true he told him that his raps ain't nothing but the devil is that true it's true i support nick cannon 100 that's my man how did the collaboration come about like what was that about um nick reached out and um that was it it was simple and i came running like for sure i want to do it um and it was that easy though he had a big weekend this weekend that the big bold beautiful experience now tell us about that how was that how did that go down it went really well uh i was excited to have transparent conversations um with influencers and inspirational people you know that a lot of us look up to and just to be able to ask them the questions like what we're talking about today it's always refreshing you know to see and know that oh if you made it there then certainly i can make it through here because now we can relate so it was really good the music was slapping and then it was an an incredible worship experience it was it was really good how do you feel i could i saw that your last album at um it did throw in kanye west from number one on the gospel chart how do you feel when you see kanye winning like grammys for gospel albums and things of that nature does it help the genre does it hurt the genre of gospel music oh that's a good question i was nervous about my questions with charlemagne um let me think before i answer that i think that it's helping because a lot of people think that gospel music is boxed in but i think kanye taking what we have already done and doing it again is showing the world that what we have to offer has a transforming thing to it it has a reviving thing to it and it has a fun good good sounding creative thing to it um so i think that it has helped and i don't think it's a problem i just hope that it doesn't just stop at kanye but it it continues to keep going within the community you know where we're acknowledged for what we do our work we put in and what we have to offer see that's what i'd be afraid of because it's like you see kanye in these categories and you wonder if sometimes it turns into a popularity contest as opposed to what's the best actual album in this category yes yes um but i i loved it so i don't remember who was in the category and i think that it's even giving churches an opportunity to really focus on their youth so the moment i saw it i was like oh i sent this to a group of my youth department and the church was like we need to do this and i think that it it was um a tool to like i said just get the attention of who we may thought we were losing um it created a conversation in the church and it even encouraged other young people to say you know just because i'm saying i'm a believer that doesn't make me small-minded or anything so i thought it was great the church just seemed to be turning people off though i don't know why i love i love like i grew up you know jehovah witness and my grandmother was a baptist so i love the spirituality aspect of it all but i've never been a fan of organized religion yeah i think it could be us having the experience with the wrong church um because i can say i come from a leader who is integral i haven't seen any scandals on them um and i have some some like adopted aunties and cousins and uncles that have become closer to me than some of my blood have and it's all because of the church being a central location um so i think it definitely has to do with the choices that we choose to stay in because it could just be that space it's sort of like the stereotypes that we deal with sometimes and it's like just because you have that one bad experience that doesn't mean that all of us are like that so i think that that is just where you are where you choose to be absolutely yeah what i do love is the accessibility of church now too while we've been doing this pandemic and even before the fact that you can go online and go to church and not even have to leave your house i think especially when the pandemic hit that was really helpful for people absolutely and i think too it's um it's another way of connecting and causing the church to be creative and to not be comfortable with just come to church we're gonna send you all a couple of songs especially within the black community it's so easy for us to just go up and sing and create harmony but it's challenging us to be just a little bit more organized and to make sure we have something fresh to present so and i think that a lot of us have accepted that challenge as a healthy challenge i will say and speak for myself our church we are making sure that we are up in our game to make sure it's capturing the interest because you know as disciples a part of being a disciple is to learn the technique of fishing so i have to learn you know why bait is important to put it in the water and maybe bait may not look good to the human but for the fish you know who may believe different or see different it may be good for them so it's definitely a great um challenge for us all i would say you know i met the ass bishop jakes this and uh sarah roberts this last week but do you think that people realizing that the bible wasn't was written by like people that were oppressing us do you think that's one of the reasons people are getting turned off from the from the bible ask that question one more time please people you think people are getting turned off from the bible because they know that the oppressors actually wrote those scriptures because there's a lot of stuff in the bible that's oppressive right like you know homosexuality things in regards to race the portrayal of women so you think that's one of the reasons people are getting turned off in the bible i think it could be i'm all into information and being knowledgeable i wonder if our generation are too grown for their own good if that makes sense um so that's all i can say there but um if it's inspired by god um i'm a believer and i've seen god's word really liberate me and bring me answers so i can only speak from that space but i do think that there are some peers of mine who just dive into stuff that they don't even understand but try to use it to their advantage if that makes sense gotcha and and to add to that being too grown for your own good the word even says and i found it to be true that in order to enter into the kingdom you have to take on the heart of a child innocence pure you know seeking the opportunity to see the light and i think that because we consume so much dark whether it's through our music through what we see in our timeline it can kind of give you a blur when you actually have the truth right there at hand you know the truth can come from a liar but that doesn't because it's coming from a liar that doesn't mean that it's not the truth that's right um so i would say that's my answer no that makes perfect sense that's i i can look at that in so many different ways that's what i always said about you know somebody like dmx like that brother was anointed yes but you would not recognize god in him if you're busy looking uh looking for god in places you believe god should be absolutely people you think god should be absolutely i think it was a prayer i think i saw like diddy and i think it was like a a re something it was a concept yeah the bad boy reunion tour yes and they were in the back praying and i actually felt the spirit of god while dmx was praying so i agree with you 100 and i think that there's a possibility that some so many of us may have an anointing and we just may be completely oblivious of it if that makes sense and because like we were talking about the squago or the tribe if you don't have people to tell you you're anointed and there's just certain things you can't do you know or certain places you can't sit in um and because the anointing is something we can't see so it has everything to do with spirituality so we got to be with our a game on understanding that the adversary is out there to get you to destroy you um so i i think i agree with you one hundred percent mm-hmm you got a track on yeah i'm called grace too and i've been asking everybody because i feel like this era definitely needs to extend more grace yeah what does grace mean to you um so it is that it's a grace that you get from humanity um and then there's also a grace that you get from heaven through humanity um and i would say it's a you know how we talk about oh god that's the favor of the lord on your life honey um it's there's a favor that you won't be able to explain all the time so the song is just simply said listen i'm going to accept it as it is and i'm not going to feel guilty about this blessing that is not seasonal but that is a lifetime i'm gonna embrace it and say you know what it's a grace on my life whether you like it you can take it or leave it you should have saw bishop jake's sermon yesterday called rightfully mine oh oh man that's what the whole sermon was about like you know sitting in your blessings yeah understanding that you are you are blessed god gave you this for a reason say it's rightfully mine yeah oh it was powerful i love that now i'll be saying that no that was great you did and that was one part of the book i wanted to bring up too you said enjoy the fact that you were one of god's children don't feel bad about what he's doing for you don't be ashamed of the favor that is on your life if you get a new car don't tiptoe around people if you get a new home don't minimize it for the sake of others be wise with what you show for safety but certainly don't silence the loud doing or the big living in your life so yeah i think that's important too because a lot of times i think women have this problem a lot we try to downplay our accomplishments or we don't want to celebrate what it is that we have going on and we try to make excuses because we don't want to make it seem like we're bragging how did you come to be in the space where you were comfortable in being able to just be like this is my blessing um when i realized that at once upon a time i was chasing for something that culture or the world said was pretty and and it was something that didn't look good on me and so because i was tired of running after something that was unobtainable for me i began chasing after okay i completely surrendered and say okay god what are you saying it's for me let me know what is my purpose what are you telling me i'm here for it's sort of like i talked about it and i said the special thing is or the thing that we have to learn is to not ask everybody else rather than asking the inventor about his purpose in the earth um and so i just decided to you know say you know what you made me so what did it what is it and after that i've learned to own it you know i and then i think too in a relationship i've also saw that i started comparing myself to whoever the woman was or what she looked like if i was cheated on and i'm like just because i'm not your cup of tea that don't mean i'm not a cup of tea you know so i just had to kind of learn to own that and not let my validity be attached to someone if that makes sense you know you know that's that's a great conversation because like when it comes to material things like to me anybody can have those things like even evil people can acquire those things so i do think we put too much stock in material things like blessings to me are when i can empower others when i'm doing something that's that's that's bigger than me so do we just because we have material things do you think that necessarily means we're blessed um i think it is a part of the blessing i don't think it's the entire blessing um and then even going back to what angela acts and what you said it kind of connected the dots for me um internally like what's going on with you internally that speaks to beauty for me now whereas before like you said it was the material things or now like you said we can buy things even when before it was just a bag but now i can buy a behind so i think for me it is it's it's part of it but it's not all of it and i think when we understand that we also live in a very peaceful and still place that i'm just now experiencing that i've never experienced before yeah you could go back to x2 like right the reason you know when people die they become these modders and things right like x is a great example of that because it wasn't about the cars with x it wasn't about the jury it wasn't about the money it wasn't even about what he did it's just that you could just listen to that man hear him and know he had an anointing yeah even no matter what he was going through you knew that the favor and the grace and the blessings of god was upon him yeah to me that's what being truly blessed is absolutely and i think when people feel that because i feel like it's not just this life that we're living it's a life after this one and i think when we get the bigger picture which is the bigger picture is not the achievement the achievements or the goals of the earth it has everything to do with what heaven said is yours i think that's when we are more liberated and like oh and and i talked about that too in the book there's a chapter called never mind i'm redefining it because like you said we'll say success is one thing all because the world is saying this is what success looked like until i consulted with god and said what is success for my life because there are some moments where you're in a season and it's like this is your assignment and this is what success like but the next one is way different and we'll get stuck in this season and then we'll feel like we're behind or inadequate or not doing what we're called to do when it's like or i'll say this even when you think about um the things like when people like she always starting some but she's not finishing it and it's like what's a heaven maybe that was the completion day you know that it was supposed to be done with and or a lot of people will say you know they closed the business down i closed the business down but you didn't know that i bought a whole nother situation you know and so i think that it definitely has everything to do with what's going on internally your understanding um i was even talking about redefining death for me the way i was able to cope with grief i'm not saying that i just didn't experience it but i i loved my nana so much but as a believer once i understood that i'm not going crazy because i said if something happens to my grandmother i would go crazy i probably lose my mind first of all i should not have been speaking that over myself because what i speak can manifest and so that was one thing but i learned for me as a believer it's not death for me is not the same as it is to the world it's just translation and so i understand that it's a possibility i could see her again you know so that may sound weird or you know strange to other people but it i will say that is where my faith has carried me and had me to see things differently that's powerful because if you have true faith then you you know you have to understand there's really no such thing as good or bad yeah it's just all part of one process this is god's divine will it's god's divine will working together for your good everything that's right i agree now let's talk about the metamorphosis of relationships for you how does celibacy contribute to you being able to find the right person can you talk about that because a lot of times our vision is getting clouded by other things when we're trying to be in a relationship um it means everything to me so i'll speak to my husband and i um of course we made some mistakes but once we got for real and we said okay we're going to stick to this talking about the boundary that i was telling you about earlier my husband was i wanted to jump his bones i wanted to i'm going to be honest and i'm sure some people like you that's sex by the way for anybody who doesn't know what jump your bones means okay but it's my truth but i can say that i saw god change my life through him loving my soul and my spirit more than just my body so i saw my husband say i care about your soul i care about you know when you're out there saying that this is your truth but you come back and you live another way he wanted to contribute to me in a totally different way than just making me feel good and then it also allowed me to be stable mentally so celibacy definitely contributed to a pure relationship it allows us to develop our communication skills our way of understanding understanding to a different perspective and knowing that when you come together it's not just some two individuals coming together but you're bringing their life like everything that they've gone through you're bringing all of that together and so how are you gonna build a home so for me celibacy contributed to that it even contributed to our prayer life so now i mean i can say i'm seeing things in the future because of the prayer life that i've been able to have with my husband and now i'm able to respect him differently when he gives me you know a note i can listen better because i can trust your judgment and then i'm not calling and chasing trying to figure out you know what's going on because i felt like because you're honest with me and because you showed that you can keep yourself together with me because i i'll stop there i got to be careful but because you showed me that you can keep it together i trust that you can keep it together when my eyes aren't on you so it celibacy has contributed to in so many ways and i i really can say that i've done it the complete opposite of what god said to do and then with my husband i've done it his way and i've seen it just changed my life i'm sorry to start crying but yeah that's what it is what do you mean you say keep it together i'm going to tell my boyfriend we're going to switch back to celibacy and see how he reacts yeah that works what do you mean when you said you had to keep keep or he he showed you that he could keep it together but you try to set him up you had like a girl try to holla at him or something no no no no jimmy's for her yes with me like he my husband is very attractive i love him and i love um i think for me the faith piece and his integrity so it makes me want to jump on him more um and to see that he's so unimpressionable so that's what i mean like he could keep it together he could control the room he could tell me no and and and he he just had it he just got it what is marriage though like when we talk about because it was like back in the day there was no such thing as marriage so if you had that attraction towards that man and he had it towards you and y'all had a bond yeah y'all could jump each other's bones like what is matt like what is it just a ceremony like you really think you're going to hell because you had a little pre-marriage of sex so i don't think it's just you're going to hell because you had a little pre-marital sex but i do believe it's a part of the principles of living out the blessing or the blessed life um and even again i think you know how our parents used to tell us don't do that or else this is gonna happen i feel like the relationship with god is it's um how can i say this i'll just say it's important to live the way he's saying and trust what he's saying because it contributes to the future that you don't see it contributes to the days that you don't see so for me it's i get what you're saying and i get the concern that maybe others have but i would i don't know if that answers the question charlemagne but yeah i was kind of feeling like for you it wasn't working the other way so you tried something different right the other situations that you were in before your husband you said the wrong man approached it yeah but to to answer your question now marriage for me it's more spiritual than it is just natural like it's you coming together you saying i'm gonna stay committed to you you're building your character you're building your like you said those things internally seeing yourself having someone to show you yourself but also building a life with that individual and developing a team that is solid and then developing a legacy from that whether it's through what you do for others or what you do to your children so for me marriage no it's not just a ceremony but it's a companionship that is ordained and blessed by heaven where the world is able to see god's glory through your companionship and i can say through this man he has restored so it's almost like god loving you through another individual but it goes deeper than uh you know just sex and just that so i would say that's what marriage means to me and it's definitely caused me to go deeper like i said it and i think that that's why it's so important we be selective with the relationships that we have because it it don't it doesn't just happen in a marriage but it can happen in other relationships you know what i'm saying where it's edifying and empowering so that's what marriage is to me why don't we put some i'll go ahead were talking to bishop t.d jakes and he was talking about you know nowadays it seems like people are so quick to to to not work things out to let it go you know marriage or businesses or anything like that what are your thoughts on marriage because like you said it's it's not easy you know yeah it's very difficult you have to work on it but so what are your thoughts on that i think that could also be a part of my answer to what marriage is because it's definitely shown me that i have a tendency to quit things when i see it's not going my way and that's not good that don't show that you got any kind of perseverance or stick-to-itiveness and so it has highlighted that even the diets that i do you tell me you want to lose 20 pounds but you can't stick to nothing so i think marriage just really is a m a mirror for who we should become as people you know and when it comes to restoration and humanity i feel like that union or that relationship can't do that but i agree 100 we quit things and i'll say i was quick and my husband said listen you got to understand that people are not just disposal or disposable or whatever the word is you can't just let people go like quit thinking that it's good to just cut people off everybody is not toxic what have you the toxic one or what have you got toxic things that about yourself that you need to fix so i agree with bishop 100 and it has challenged me to become a better woman but some people you got to pressure watch we can't actually sure we can't act like god didn't pressure wash a few people for sure i mean you had judas you know you had um the flood with noah yeah you had to get rid of you know i mean like some things just gotta go like he just had to pressure watch a few people absolutely and in his word he says lay aside every weight that so easily beset you so if it's causing you to be delayed to get to the promised place then for sure like you said wash that off pre give it some pressure and release that so i agree 100 kiara how does it feel to have this memoir now because this is obviously something really personal for you and you giving to people parts of your life that they have not known before so what is that feeling like for you it feels great and i will use you all as an example just watching the show i'll say there are so many inspirational moments that you all have shared and it gives me an opportunity to speak and kind of share my mind rather than just my vocal ability and i'm learning that through conversations a lot of young women are being transformed by my story so i'm really excited and i feel really good because while it has brought healing to me it's brought healing to someone else and so even with just having these conversations and watching y'all i can say it's some nuggets that i've written down as if i was in church from just watching y'all so being able to have that moment and inspire the world it's like that that's that's that's great you know it's just you going into new territory so i i love it and i think when it comes to the gospel people sharing their actual testimony which is something we're all supposed to be doing to me that's more powerful than any written word a lot of the times yeah you know i saw somebody complaining that bishop t.d.j rarely uses the bible even though he quotes the bible but he complaining he rarely uses it but he uses just real life experiences and testimonies to me that's more powerful yeah and i think it becomes even more powerful with the believer like you said it's almost like bishop jake's talks in scripture well you don't even know that he's giving you scripture because it's just a part of him and i think too that gives the world an opportunity to see that god's word is true and it has answers because then you have examples like that where they look like they live in a good life or they just have this great understanding of life and it's like but it's because he's diving into god's word so it's like my my language is not just english but it is faith love in scripture so i definitely agree with you why how can we beat ourselves up over like the whole sex pre-marital sex thing in the bible but not over something like pork because it tells us not to eat pork or our shellfish yeah they tell us not to eat shellfish we can just pray over that and everything's cool why why do we do that to ourselves i think it's because we accept the tradition and not diving into the relationship so for me this once upon a time was just religion and just a learned behavior until i began to read and learn you know like i can go into a classroom and take everything that the students and the teachers are talking about but i can come out with a completely different a different understanding until i actually read the textbook so for me it's almost like being in a relationship you don't know me if you only took me out or treated me as a one-night stand you know me when you date me and you take time with me um so i think that that is it's a lack of time you know with learning about the faith rather than just listening to people saying don't touch the stove because it's hot no if you go close enough to the stove you'll feel that there's a heat that your skin can't take rather than just saying um and i think that it even speaks to the generations that we've come from where it's like one generation did things just because somebody told them not to but i think we are becoming a generation where we're diving into it so i think it's just a matter of learning and understanding i would say do you eat pork uh i don't eat pork as much as i do now that i understand it oh so at the time you didn't understand the scripture when it says i think with deuteronomy 14 8 don't do not eat pork don't even touch the flesh of a dead pig you didn't understand it i didn't i thought that it was just an old practice like before i was just reading the bible like oh okay that was just day story i didn't want it i didn't want anybody to tell me put down no bacon yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah now absolutely so even to that though i am working on my temple so i'll go back and forth but going back to what you all were asking me when it comes to marriage and me just not sticking to things i'll do like a vegan diet i'll be a vegetarian one week and then next year i'm a pescetarian and then one week i'm just saying oh i don't eat meat but i eat fish and bacon you know so yes it's like which one is it so um i think it's a matter of learning evolving understanding because um there's a scripture where jesus said i didn't come to do away with the law but i came to fulfill it so i think for me i'm still trying to understand that part like well did you give me the opportunity to still be able to eat bacon or is that just you know what i'm saying so it's it's all just figuring it out i'm just using that because those are the things in the bible that they tell us not to do but those are the things that we do on the on the regular yeah i don't eat pork you know what i mean but yeah them scripts man it is special but the other thing is um you asked about why do we focus on the sex out of wedlock versus the pork i think too it has everything to do with um condemnation versus conviction so even going back to people who have been hurt by the church you understand that people who have a relationship with god they're not just pointing at this the problem and not giving you a solution and i feel like condemnation causes you to beat up on yourself whereas conviction from the holy spirit has you to just deal with it differently if that makes that makes perfect sense well can we get into a song before we get up out of here you want to introduce a song let's let the the world hear a song if they haven't heard any of your music what do you want to get into nothing when they came a new yes of course we can play the song we just talked about grace yes yes and make sure you get big bold and beautiful what does that title mean um big bold and beaut i'm a big woman um the insecurity may not be the same but you can dream big too be bold about it and live out the beautiful life there you go all right well let's get into grace and we appreciate you for joining us yes congratulations on everything too that you have the album the book the marriage all of that give me twitters and stuff too instagram all that stuff yes it's just kiara sheer i couldn't add my my name my new name kelly because they wouldn't let me be great but it's kiara shared everywhere it's the breakfast club good morning [Music] you

Channel: Breakfast Club Power 105.1 FM

Views: 115,700

Rating: 4.9482927 out of 5

Keywords: the breakfast club, breakfast club, power1051, celebrity news, radio, video, interview, angela yee, charlamagne tha god, dj envy

Id: eoAiy9NM-KM

Length: 47min 42sec (2862 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 13 2021