KICKASSIA

there is a nation called Molossia a micronation to be precise located just outside of Reno in Dayton Nevada it is a small speck of land 1.3 acres to be exact but through a strange loophole it is technically considered a nation it is run by a man named Kevin Baugh was declared himself the proud president of this land he has been called one curly short of the three stooges but he does manage to keep order in his humble country for the most part Molossia is a quiet simple gentle land that is yet to subject itself to any intense hostile violence that is whether the starter critic comes in you ah hello I'm the Nostalgia Critic online personality and all-around spectacular guy I'm fine anyway I've run a website that has all sorts of reviewers that come together and well review stuff I don't like to brag but we're pretty successful I noticed that you have your own nation here must be very proud but to be fair um it is not very big and damn you're not very big so let's just cut to the chase here I am going to invade you my army is going to take you down conquer Malaysia and take it as our own now don't get any bright ideas don't try to fight back or anything like that my army is quite literally unstoppable undefeatable and of course invincible where you are but just you so I'll give you ten minutes to pack things up and fizzle do why do they always want to do it the hard way Oh awesome hello it's ty it's time no it's time oh it's time yeah it's time it's time hello uh yeah what does its time mean what I don't know you just called me up and said it's time like I'm supposed to know what that means you know the way I can feel us at the takeover of Molossia the takeover of what uh-oh I got call me your wife hello hey yeah what's this it's time thing you're talking about don't you no no look it does matter just meet me Molossia where oh oh I got her call hello yeah it's a 322 p.m. what I thought you were asking what time it was no no I tell you it is time yeah and that time is 322 p.m. oh I got their call hold on hello I'm behind you 110 percent critic any chick-fil-a's refusing to serve us delicious nuggets on Sundays from here on that will be blown sky-high wait what are you talking about the invasion of Molossia what is Molossia hey hold on get back to you hello uh yeah I got 324 here but I think spoonie's watch is more accurate oh hold on a minute hello me again sorry hello hi still running unconfused here look it's hard to explain just meet me in Molossia it's in Nevada okay I'll just walk over to Nevada I'll fly you there when I don't know I can barely keep track of who I'm talking to oh that reminds me I got a call Sean who typical guy oh yeah he's funny yes hello 3:23 p.m. go away hey cinema snob guilty as charged any GG half Shawn's number your mom has Shawn's number shut up believe it or not Sean isn't at home leave a message at the beep they see goggles is on board hello that chick with the goggles chuckles it's time it is yes we are taking over Molossia we're taking over mother yeah I know right so get your stuff together and come down by the way this has been an answering machine the whole time leave your message after the beep hello Loomis gamer I need your help we are taking over Molossia oh yeah you know I'd love to critic but I'm I'm a little busy right now huh doing what uh yeah I kind of got sucked into my Nintendo game a freak accident now I have to defeat the Mother Brain restore order to the kingdom and link's been acting kind of like a jerk hold on another call hello 3:24 p.m. okay look I'm putting everybody on speakerphone can you hear me yes yes yes no I mean yes look we're taking over the land of Molossia I'm flying you all out to Nevada so we can prepare for the invasion and where are we all gonna stay it's okay I booked everybody a hotel room well gee I didn't see that one coming oh boy I am excited are you excited I'm excited excited I cannot believe he dragged us all out here tell me about it I get American food it could be puking up right now hey you look familiar aren't you that doctor guy what no oh I know what you're talking about yeah yeah yeah you're always trying to take over the world and stuff no I miss where I don't know no no you got the goggles and no I mean okay let's before that was the past okay I'm gonna ignore you now so you're a picture huh all right all right all right all right all right all right all right all right is everybody here sure as hell hope so we can't fit any more people whose room my god where's make me pinky I think you're sitting on it that's okay I didn't want to stand anyway all right people we are about to do the ballsiest thing any of us have ever done before we are going to take over the land on Molossia why what why are we taking over Molossia I mean isn't it barely an acre of land Mars Carl do you think anyone else here honestly has that question okay okay fact is that's our one opportunity to finally seize control of something I mean don't you ever want to rule your own nation does SimCity count this is our chance to finally hip-hop to create an empire unlike any other but it's only an acre of land what can we do with an acre of land what can we do with an acre of land whoa people what may start as just a small acre of land will blossom to something larger than any of us can possibly imagine yeah like two acres of land you know there's another group of people that thought like you linked our and they were called Nazis they were closed-minded hate-filled people that just want everything their way are you a Nazi Linkara no are you watching a car oh is that what a notch is around no I'm not a Nazi I'm not I'm not I'm not a Nazi good now let me tell you about a group of people that didn't give up they were called Nazis they have a crazy plan - everybody thought they were nuts but you know what they got pretty far didn't they because they were dedicated yeah stroke yeah a lot of people said they were crazy well everybody said that we're crazy so that gives us a better advantage doesn't it yeah think about it first we take Molossia and then the neighbors down the street as on their neighbors and then they're mixed and on their neighbors till we build a military force so gigantic and not only be able to stop us and then we go blow first we start with Texas then camera then price and then whatever other nation stands in our way and then pudding yeah and don't you let anyone tell you that you can't do it so what are you people a Nazi are not safe by the way as the obvious future president of this great nation I am going to meet a vice president to be by my side you're the only one who can keep the Nastasia name alive mostly because it's in your name interested well I don't know I was kind of holding out for president well that's all the vice president does um okay then cool all right everybody what are we waiting for let's go kick some Molossia it may been Mickey so nostalgia critic guy says you might be invading our nation what do you think I say we keep our defenses high but not worry too much about it good we're gonna annihilate them up we got annihilate them yes Bilbray but save your energy you can do it for all the pointless torturing we're gonna he seems much smaller in person that's because you're far away from jackass well he's about to get a lot closer ah well that didn't work didn't you have any other strategy outside of going ah well I didn't think that far ahead no he just thought up to where everyone was in charge and you were ruling the [ __ ] world yes we can't just do that critic you have to plan these things out you have to have a strategy for God's sake yeah but that takes hard work hard work that we do not have I declare this sucking me too I'm out of you yeah this is balls wait do you dare leave now and your moment of victory I would never leave you critic I know that film right we just need a plan how about we cut them open and wear their organs as hair nets now we'd have to get close to him first oh how about I loves very over like your gammy Cassie bear no I think they'd see that coming oh how about a legion of spiders the quite small we've fitted them as overhead compartments No how'd you get in here anyway just want to be loved get out who however we use Tom's head as a battering ram hey Naz head is too soft hey maybe we can jump on him and use this turtle shell to get extra points that's your answer to everything Oh at work if you gave it a shot hey guys I get an idea this might seem like a shot in the dark but what if we just used weapons nah that's a terrible idea wait I have an idea gee does it involve using wedding balls using weapons yeah angry Joe get your mp5 Linkara get your magic gun as I start wrapping bury and Explosives by God we'll give him a battle worth fighting for and this time there will be no dawn for Molossia you is everyone preparing for battle they are Spoony you know Spoony you would really help the team out if you were do well you know some of them it would just be this once booty just this once and you can go back to normal morale there's no normal I don't even know what normal is everyday I live with the based raging inside of me all you need to do is set him free and then once you have him under control control there is no control there's only manner gain chaos and a wild rising in pain but if you would only try try there is no try there is only the darkness give in Spoony given for me and the team and for me I left the madness behind me a long time ago you'll find none of it left here sometimes we all need to give in to the madness just a heads up guys mafia might be under attack in a couple minutes or so mm-hmm Lord cat make ready the new salute for nation all right people this is the moment you've been waiting for bravery will be rewarded destinies will be revealed and the honor of a new nation will be born a nation I won't and so far Valis send the signal to sound the charge okay first of all it's bailiffs not phallus second the guy standing right there looking at you why don't you send the signal yourself Oh balance just do it Oh wiseguy ah ah your tongue remember pain is just God's Way of telling you to try harder fans and the five like down ha foot stores it's just a toy train this is it very at least I'm dying for a good cause it was another to serve you more than me ow this dry ah don't get me angry you wouldn't like me when I'm angry Oh is pretty awesome don't make us review you follow him all right president BA and over Molossia and nobody gets hurt I'm not the president I'm foots phone ba Minister of making things orderly but it's so obviously you yes I get that a lot but the fact is we're two totally different people okay well where's the president oh he's gone we're right out the door so you mean we won it looks that way yes yeah malossi iseman conquer a new dawn of government and upon us my friends this is indeed a great day we have given birth to a new nation government rules and a new democracy to live by why democracy because I say Tsin and I will be a president now a chick will be a vice president and the rest we'll figure out order as your president I shall build a table a round table so that everyone can look each other in the eye well it's a good idea it's like everyone's useful yes and I shall be elevated above you in a rocking chair a magnificent rocking chair so I can look down at all of you and see just how equal we all are make yourselves comfortable everybody for we have given birth to the greatest nation ever known we have given birth to us you dateline kickassia yeah one of the new critic Imperium confidence as high as this new when pronation works long and hard to establish its new government I'm Chris mario's from transmission awesome news in the nation formerly known as Malaysia but now as of recent known as kickassia though it is not easy to establish a government from the ground up kickassia is fortunate to have hard-working individuals make the regime stable and here's one of them now Lord Kent recently appointed Minister of Trade tell me new minister what does your job exactly entail I have a lot of video games I can trade so many has some super Nintendos some Sega Genesis and we're hoping that we could trade them with other nations for goods and valuables they already thanked other nations will trade goods and valuables just for video games oh sure Charlie would sell 20% of its military just for a copy of Marble Madness I guess it's pretty rare down there however military forces are not a major concern and kickassia Secretary of Defense angry Joe assures the public that everything is well protected it's true that we are a small nation and therefore more prone to attacks but we have a good drill sergeant who knows how to keep up the men's morale stand up straight tuck in your shirt stop being so tall did you say something oh god no the afraid of you looks like a solid team you got there yes indeed another habit a few reports that you're in fact a little gun crazy push like a button invasion seems unlikely thanks to good relations being kept by the head of immigration bends I what do you mean you can't understand me I'm French there's the language of love if you can't understand me then you can't understand love hold up let me transfer you to my second-in-command hey you think you got it rough I've had a time bomb strapped to my body it was bloated you two separate pieces there's no love stitches in the world to recover from the emotional pain I'm going through quick every nation needs a treasurer and kick-ass eásá cinema snob who as I understand also designed the fight for Kakashi on true it's true Chris and for a nation like kickassia I figured that we really needed a real kick-ass flag that's why I came up with a muscle-bound ice-cream cone carrying machine guns and shooting laser beams out his eyes because when people look at that all they can say is kick ass well it looks like you guys have a put on a flagpole yet well we weren't exactly sure how to get their flag down and ours up so we're just using handsome Tom as our flagpole I must say he doesn't look very happy he's not Chris he's definitely ha ha ha and I was also the concern of preserving nature but no worries as Li from still gaming has taken over as head of the Environmental Protection Agency Tommy Lee what is your plan for saving all the cute little bunnies I'm sorry I'm just still getting over the fact I'm 3-dimensional honey I can move fluid motion I can touch sweater missing all this time I know I was looking out for the well-being of kickassia take sage for example he is mega chaton everyone is in good shape acting as kick-ass yes sergeant Chen mo in my short time as Surgeon General here at kickassia have made two amazing medical discoveries one when holding an Uzi you will not die ready and how does that work exactly I'm holding one and I'm alive science prove it secondly our research has shown that dieting and exercise does not have build the healthy body so that's why I've encouraged everyone here to start smoking according to our studies smoking does well to strengthen the body prevent cancer especially pregnant haha y'all studies show that oh yes it's right here on this chart but do you know now the third thing upside down oh that's hilarious but not everyone in kick-ass yeah as freshly insane take for example pause local shock jock radio DJ and while the big wakes up on the hill with their fancy hats and the case for down in the small people with depression with taxation with sexual repression don't get me started on the sex for depression take a stand people oppose the way people with a fancy [ __ ] hats so what exactly about the king asking at government all those you so nothing really it's just when people agree with angry votes on the radio it makes them feel better about themselves so in my own way of helping the people's morale another person keeping up the morale is Spoony who is now head officer for Science and Technology yeah at first we didn't have much of a science department in fact the original space program was just a stomp rocket but I'm certain we can get things to a more legitimate level hey won't you that crazy scientists before I don't know what you're talking about yeah you want the goggles no it was before but I was fast oh the summoner's nation who still do well to keep order and justice in and this is linked our head of the FBI tell me link oh what are you going to do to keep this nation safe well it's all about surprise to fool our enemy you're trying to find those we're best able to blend into their environments for example we've discovered that you re oh here has a natural talent for camouflage isn't that right you re Oh yep but do you already think stealth and surprise are gonna be enough to keep your enemies on their tools oh yes it's all about illusion for example I'm not even in front of you oh very good well we all know what goes on outside the government building let's see what goes on inside the government building oh sorry this is Secretary of State fellows Tommy Bayless what does a normal day entitle for you well mostly I come up with brilliant ideas and the Nostalgia Critic slaps me and then claims them as his own does it pay well no but it sure does hurt a lot but behind every great man is a woman and presumably behind her another man but in the case of the Nostalgia check that is not so well he is a maverick to say the least though no matter what his decision my theme whatever we disagree on I still stand right by him on what issues do you disagree with well like our foreign policy experience with Nevada you Europe our foreign policy experience with Nevada you betcha and what word well if you look right outside Nevada's right out there you can see it from right here indeed and where do you guys get your information on current events do you read the papers or that's it I read the papers which ones all of them yes well there's also talk that the discounter Critic wants to push for more regulation and you want less in which way as he wanted more that you haven't agreed with I'll you know actually no I don't well when I find an answer I'll get it right back to you and finally in the past you've been known as a smart edgy young opinionated woman but recently you've been labeled an idiotic dumb ox who's trying to play naive and innocent in order to sneak into the president's seat what's your opinion on that this world is full of cruel cold hardened people and they don't maintain the same standard of niceness that I try to maintain am I not nice yes you are very nice so why would they say such a thing probably the idiotic dumb ox pot I just mentioned I would presume that it's because I'm a woman and prejudice is alive and well in this world but ma Scott is a woman sure she is and I'm the tooth fairy and now for the moment you've all been waiting for an interview with the man himself the man who made kickassia possible president nostalgia critic greetings Chris mr. critic where are your plans now for this new glorious nation well first we plan on taking over the neighbors down the street we've sent them pamphlets then we plan on taking over Nevada America and then the world ah and how do you plan on accomplishing is exactly a gentleman never tells but I can give you a hint it involves killing indeed but mr. critic what about the fact that you keep the old preserve this country alive and working for you oh that's not the president that's Fritz Birnbaum minister of keeping things orderly I don't know I'm going with it well thank you very much for your time mr. critic not at all Chris oh and one more thing mr. critic would you say your diabolical plan is to take over the world not surely well then would you say your plan is to one day conquer the galaxy even surely Oh mr. critic do you someday plan on being bigger than God oh that question you can definitely say yes say critic do you get a lot of [ __ ] with that outfit of course thank you this has been Chris Larios reporting from kickassia I gotta say critic our financial situation isn't looking good of the money we have left it doesn't look like we're going to be able to accomplish nearly what we had in mind quiet can't you see I am watching Hogan's Heroes The Critic this is important stuff we got us I have a new room every day of four clock p.m. shall be oaken's heroes time everybody shuts up and watches Hogan's Heroes all in favor say aye aye motion passes go away fine but don't come to me you win no just don't come to me excuse me critic I can't help but hear you're having trouble with our financial situation as those Hogan's Heroes related I just thought be a good idea if we start charging for tourism new t-shirts postcards and such nah that's stupid okay right I have an idea where could that be to increase our financial status we shall charge for tourism t-shirts postcards think of it famous oh yeah then make it so I spoken why do you let him take your ideas like that I don't know because he's the president stuff well would you like to know what that's like yeah sure wouldn't you the plans for your rocket shower in sir excellent do they have the little beer holders on the side they sure do cool hey miss after we're pals right huh wait house yes film brain we are indeed pals yeah because this is what powers do right sit on sophism of Hogan's Heroes and stuff great the things you have just said are true say I was thinking in my next new review would you uh would you like to do a cameo and the helm reviews we do not do film reviews anymore we don't well what we'll do we do we sit back and acknowledge the fact that we have our own nation oh how long do we do that for forever film brain say to get tired of doing that voice nonsense this is a voice of the gods a voice that demands honor and justice everywhere he got a little bit since now what's up these stupid finances we've got no money because nostalgia [ __ ] over there won't do anything I'm sure he's building up to something like what watching more Hogan's Heroes not my finger thigh Full House comes on but that's what I mean he does nothing it's like the job of a president is to be removed from reality while everyone else does the work yeah imagine that if that was the case why wouldn't you be in charge what I'm just saying if you know you're more qualified what could you be President hey I'm just thinking out loud I'm sure you both know what you're doing all right men you make wonderful agents as well as soldiers but today we're going to teach you the element of surprise surprise you're learning so Linkara how goes it pretty well I was just teaching these men the element of surprise have you punched them yet after lunch Ellen Goro what's that on your leg it's a receipt for 20 tons of dynamite who signed for it the nostalgia critic what's he doing getting dynamite I don't know but it can't be good we have to tell somebody about this you mean like the nostalgia critic now how about I make you some tea there mr. president why yes mrs. nice president that'd be wonderful you know I don't know why the press picks on you so much you seem like the nicest person to me as we all know nice people make the perfect politicians just look at Carter I mean you're so good at making people feel at home lowering their defenses making it feel like they have nothing to worry about the indeed you're gonna drink your tea there it's of course se-young is it me or does this tea smell a little um poisoning oh it's just an herbal fusion drink your tea honey oh of course you critic or something you wanted later that doesn't cream in my tea cream just makes your penis male now drink your tea yeah but I just I don't feel like tea without creeps you know what they put in that cream but all sorts of hormones and antibiotics in it yeah but that just makes me like it more it's just cream makes a big difference for me I'll put the damn cream in your teeth oh thank you so much hard trick wait a minute that's right I can't stand tea [ __ ] a big candy bar while you're up you betcha I gotta tell you I'm so lucky to have a vice president like you you know not everybody's president would get their president tea you know what I mean I mean there's just some people that can help you out in a real tight spot I'm in a real tight spot I mean Sophie volunteer just don't get home she's so quick boy it's so great to be back here in this crowded cramped hotel room again I wonder if it's still impossible for me to stretch my arms I can't happy birthday to me okay now what exactly is going on here a whole lot of [ __ ] is going down snob tell him about it Lee Lee have you ever felt the motion of water pour down your three dimensional organs I have and it is miraculous all right uh Lord cat philomene we found a receipt for 20 tons of dynamite paid for by the Nostalgia Critic we don't know what it means what it can't be good so what you really think he's gonna use it against us who knows he might be planning to blow us all up he's mad I tell you mad mud okay I'm good look the Nostalgia Critic may be a little nutty but he's not nuts you look me in the eye and tell me he's not stupid enough to do something that crazy okay you have a point but couldn't the signature have been replicated in fact couldn't the whole thing be replicated how many of you have been listening to that BA guy recently yeah gets around doesn't he those with brains usually have power over the brainless look I'll have a talk with the critic to see if any of this is true what if he suspects us going behind his back he won't suspect us I'll put it very delicately everybody thinks you're nuts inconsiderate that's why I think that ba guy is spreading lies about you I know I should have kept that ba guy around blame Bayless it was his idea now everybody thinks I'm nuts nah they just get paranoid that always happens when big changes happen hmm I suppose you're right I may all win their confidence back soon enough and is even a rumor going around that you put 20 tons of dynamite for yourself no that part was true what oh yeah the whole place is wired you see I've wanted this place for a long time and now that I got it I'm not gonna let anyone take it away from me discovered that the world is filled with nasty Westies and a lot of those nasty wasters want what I got so many of them try to take away what I have I'm not afraid to go down with the ship everybody with me but that's just a fall those two SD West he shows up where someone in this beloved nation of mine is a nasty wasty what do you say cinema snob you're not one of those nasty Westies are you Oh course not good I'm glad we had this talk take care yeah you too I do enjoy our little chats you're right he's nuts we gotta act and we gotta act fast I say we castrate him with a fork tie him to a cactus than play pinata with his entrails what you were just so fast to say that just passionate that's all I like it well maybe we could play really bad music that'll get him out in the government house kind of music would you pick Michael Bolton no one should be subjected to that I like it how about a legion of spiders no seriously who keeps letting him in everybody hates the plant about spiders why does everybody hate the plan about spiders I like it look I'm the one who brought it up to him I'll be the one who takes him down trust me by the end of the week the Nostalgia Critic won't be the king of kickassia anymore and they were talking about killing you and they were talking about different ways of killing and the cinnamon stuff was like it's my plan so I'll kill him so I ran back here as fast as I could but they saw me so Superman wrote in and he killed them all with his heat vision and then he took me back to his home where we saw Wonder Woman Green Lantern on the rest of the Justice League and then we went out to a bar and we had a couple of drinks I've got totally shit-faced and I hailed a cab and I got back here it's been all true film brain well I got I got carried away with a second Huck but the first off is really true and I guess we have no choice we will have to give cinema snob a trial bring him to me right alright guys I've got a lot of things I need to do this better be well that's confusing what are you saying good true what a trial what you are going to have a trial oh god shoot me no no and so it is the ruling of this court that you be found guilty for the crimes against our government all in favor aye all opposed nay too bad I'm in charge okay cinema snob do you have anything to say before I sentence you to your sentence oh I got something to say well make it quick I don't want to miss Gilligan when I helped build kickassia I had a dream of freedom justice and honor but now I see it's been shadowed by the dumbass table face that sits across from me you really know how to put the dick and dictatorship yeah I bought a cinema snob you're out of order they're out of order the whole system is out of order I'm not [ __ ] stuff I know you're the system that's my point I know it's your point it's just that when you say that I'm out of order and the system's out of order it's kind of redundant what I'm trying to get across is [ __ ] you you [ __ ] you cute right now what should his sentencing be come on come on nobody has any ideas well I guess I have an idea right I have an idea oh really what is it the idea that I have right now requires cinemas is a cinema snob to enter the realm of everlasting name vanished four four four four four forever young to be vanished forever oh good I'll take a lunch may your honor be stricken forever may your name always be associated with douchebaggery and may you walk until you walk no more go and never return okay I'm gonna catch a cab if anyone needs me I'll be in the hotel down the street go venture to the great unknown who knows what undiscovered tears await you I've got my cellphone may the harshness of this world that he has brought to our good nation ever return again who management's hard work time for me to gets a little shut-eye thank God I know this place it's my room but not mild review from it's now a stored just like at all hello miss - guy when I'm late so you don't have to it's all just as I remember it but who did this what happened to my room where's my bed where are my things I thought you'd like it this way mati yes it is I Matty from Captain Planet you did this but why to remind you of who you are and to bring you a warning a word of warning what the warning is stop being a douche bag it's totally gonna backfire Damon mati I don't have time for this why did you get rid of cinema's I'm Critic damn it Marty it has to be done is it your destiny to not only be the first but the worst damn it Marty you sacrifices have to be made but at what cost are you willing to let down the people that got you here your friends your eyes damn it motley president has no friends he did once and he was loyal and strong another s my job remember your roads credit remember your roads damn it Marty my boots are clear if you can see and if I can't have it no one can you can't change and destiny you can only choose to meet it and you will fail [ __ ] cinema snob is gamma what do we do I suggest an attack a full frontal assault by all of us I'll walk it straight at myself dammit man he'll have plenty of time to set off the detonator he'll kill us all are you doing this Joe I've seen padding over 100 times no please you know it's too risky desperate times call for desperate measures there is only one logical option no you're not seriously suggesting you wouldn't suspect us all just you go no you're crazy they're all crazy come on quit being a [ __ ] average just do it no hi I won't be able to give in to the madness Moony deep down inside you know who you truly are no dammit I mean I was before but that was the past listen you Sanchez man yeah if ever a team then did for us the team you did realize all these elitist next wall come back sometimes the best way to deal with a madman is to send in another man that's a stupid plan exactly a stupid plan for a stupid man are you high right I'll give in to the madness Oh Oh Oh this is ridiculous we have no strategy for this plus he's my arch enemy that's just annoying no they're right you know we gotta fight madness with with madness and and he's the craziest we got are you ready there god I was born ready gave it to the badness that's all for miserable caca Soros sorry critic butts y'all reign of terror is it in now a new reign of terror begins my reign of terror beaker sucking bozo you want a piece of me well got it Oh Hey died Oh right insane for sure that's item a new plan no offense but yeah Eagle one that you won this is test monkey to the NC is down repeat the NC is down not so fast Eagle one I have a few requests before I dispose of the body well first of all I wouldn't Kakashi I I am altering the deal pray I don't alter it any further oh wait another alteration didn't pray hard enough I would also like my own flag made for me one with the evolution of man except with me at the end of the line oh and I'd also like my own ice cream parlor there's never an ice cream stand around when you're a neat one oh and it better goddamn well have chocolate chocolate chip god help you know that subject of the tip and a half son whatever happened to the purity of a non-combat well this is just superconductor electromagnetism certainly you've had it it levitates bullet trains from Tokyo to Osaka it will limit eight my rocket chair once it finally arrives and it also levitates you've been realized other standing on your tippy toes don't you you're superconductor electromagnetism is nothing compared to science but in science when I'm science yeah Oh John Schlabach all right start give a shot wait don't tell her why not well technically it stills bunny in there I think I still want to kill him well God when is that it's fault what well maybe so he put him up to it are you talking about nothing he's doesn't Brent they just talk go ahead kill him hey someone conspiring against me what gave you that idea when he says somebody's conspiring against me I didn't say that I still have so much more science to do he doesn't know what he's talking about what a few holes in the doctor help No then what's going on my mommy nothing I assure you nothing is wrong you're a part of this aren't you me or him neither yes yeah you are against me don't be Santa you're just paranoid critic who else is in on it Oh [ __ ] Jesus Christ we're all your friends critic are you yes are you help me fat the cry shuttle crow well t-that sad you just killed Santa Christ you all saw it he came at me with a chainsaw we heard gunshots it come from a gun holy smokes you killed Santa Christ didn't mean to it was an accident my god the greatest combination of Xmas icons is dead yeah I guess he is this is a sad day for handsome time has he been Vicky at least he died a good strong man and three dimensionally hey guys what's up you should have been holding an Uzi wait a minute is it Santa cries made out of the hopes and dreams of people everywhere maybe just maybe if we wish hard enough we can bring him back to life no critic no that's crazy talk but do you dare try do you dare try come on people let's show what it truly means to believe we believe in Santa Christ we believe in Santa Christ exactly and now all the people out there everyone who ever cared about a treasured icon we believe in Santa Christ we believe in Santa Christ I believe in Santa Christ I believe in Santa Christ we believe in Santa Christ islands at rest I believe that the crust a little for Christ we believe in Santa Christ I believe in Santa Christ I believe in Santa Christ I believe in Santa Christ I believe in what you want me to say what I believe in Santa Christ second I saw Cindy I believe in Santa Christ I believe in Santa Christ even Santa Christ I believe in Santa Christ and now all the people watching at home come on say with us now we believe in Santa Christ we believe in Santa nope that did nothing cause him all of you it wouldn't work yet did work is you're a douche face damn it we have to think of something and think of something fast I don't know I still think dr. Salem I work I feel like a puppy that's been raped by a bulldozer no no no no no more mystery insane oh we have to think of something else I think our last option after our last option is Linkara yeah you might have a point what do you say Langara why don't you try out some of that strategic mumbo-jumbo Joe Joe Joe I know we've had our differences in the past we have yes I don't like you very much oh but your a love of destruction mixed with my love of planning destruction might serve us well so you'll do it it's my job to do it all right troops here's how it's gonna work we're gonna hit him during the day we're gonna head up i crap the rug goose now that reason why i'm reading during the day because it'll be less likely that I'll have a detonator on him especially when we went up a habit whoa whoa whoa the greatest plan the man has ever known that's game risk yes and is also gonna serve as our battle plan nothin just assume that northern Europe here is a government house and Greenland is backyard Navy Joe and I will be stationed here and some Tom Nathan Mickey will travel in through the back then Marty will come in through Messina wait wait you can't travel that way the countries have to be connected no they don't yes they do see see those dotted lines they connect they do I thought so I thought you needed ice for this do you I don't know how do you play this game anyway no guys glad you asked you got your deck of 56 risk cards free red dice two white dice six sets of color armies and of course your game board because every board game has a game board the first step is to claim all the territories each player rolls one die whoever rolls the highest number gets to play some other armies on the territory of choice after all territories are claimed game play begins at the beginning every turn count the number of territories you already own then divide the total by three then add that number armies you can also get armies by trading in certain combinations of cards you get the cards from capturing a territory the attacker rolls the red dice based off the number of armies they have on the territory which is attacking the winner is the first greedy bastard to take over the whole world and that's all there is to it yeah that's good now thanks for James well thank you for the obligatory cameo anyway whose turn was I think I had the dice last let's do this hey wait a minute what are we doing playing a game we're playing a strategy oh but this game is so much more fun though we're planning I take our right already who is it it's film brain how driven orderly or I wouldn't wait to know it's me so I wouldn't admit it was me confusing enough what are you doing here [ __ ] snitch I want to help you take down the critic that is if you still have me yeah how do we know you're not gonna double-cross us because it goes because of the staff drink yes they're there so you're saying you want vengeance for Santa Christ I want to frigging hide good then we're on the same page now now you just decided to lean Carla's gonna plan the attack and you just missed a humorous cameo from bored James we're just about to talk about how we're gonna bring down the empire good very very good everybody said all right then I wasn't carefully we've only got a few days to fly this out so let's get it right alright man let's take them down you very little matrons ghulami pertussis calculus can be filled to the brim with gurgly little maids from school everything is also fun excellent shot mr. Joe never the facts you missed fire again what Marik you magnificent bastard a read your book oh that's a key oh thank god you're here Jolicoeur I've gone insane with violence destroy them and tell them nothing my trouble did you hear me I'm nya like them do I have to start paying you so I can cut your wages ah brother get him Barry maybe with a neat Oh god help me I none Oh get out of way pipsqueak so you like being 3d oh yes I do well tell me how these feel who would have thought a dictatorship would be so incited well fail it after all the good ideas I came up with for you bad just shut up e to film break sorry critic that you shot one Santa tries to men like you're such it to work your artwork so you've all been plotting against me you know I really expect to kickassia to cake a little more ass than this I'm very disappointed at all of you you have indeed been hanging out with the wrong crowd critic cinema snob how dare you return from your banishment dumb that was the old order this is the new order new order yes one that's been coming to you for a long time weren't you doctor and say no yeah I got better the age of Kakashi has come to an end critic a new age lies before us an age without you don't Gary we got on his body it spread out over oh you've had your fun running this country critic well now it's our turn and the first rule of order a move for a medieval ass-kicking of our old president all in favor aye opposed motion passes have fun everybody wait I have an idea really what is it the idea involves um you me um kidding kidding yeah uh the heroes kick my ass kicked me getting my ass kicked no wait too late hold it what do you want oh nothing just want to make my cameo I didn't even get my rocking chair it's over the evil critic is defeated yeah revolution a new dawn is upon us the uprising has begun ha ha ha ha well done everyone well done now sings though I am next in line for the presidency it's only fitting that I should wear the crown you'll refer to me as Madam President from now on wait a minute you're this whole cutesy naive thing that's all just an act yep you're not really that nice no you're really not that stupid um but what I can tell you is this but I am gonna ruin a tricks of kickassia and they're gonna be smooth excuse me but it was my insight that overthrew this government so I think that it should be I taking over as Acting President bad news I'm afraid since I was the one who orchestrated his operation it is obviously right who's gonna be present I did not put on this faulty crap Santa cries Christ that's right on the third day I rise again in fulfillment of the awesomeness hey wait a minute why did it take you three days to come back why couldn't you just do it right away oh sorry have you ever been dead before now have you ever risen from the grave yes I well then I guess you don't have any sort of frame of reference now do you okay oh my god I love this listen this task wasn't any of yours to take no was it aren't you happy with your online shows aren't you glad that people actually give a crap about what you have to say yes would you say we get back to that nice mr. ball fellow it was his place originally after all yeah he's right let's get mr. boss land back freedom wonder is freedom shine and bask in the glory of the new world need I remind you that there are 20 tons of dynamite under this nation uh joke's on you [ __ ] I disconnected the dynamite after I left you push that thing and nothing happens I don't believe you I push this button and we all get blown sky-high very well hello um because my team can't run a nation because I can't run a nation we've decided to give the nation back to you so you can no malossi I get rose never mind to begin with thought Christ all right you know when you see the president you know way shows up can you tell him that Molossia is his again I will relay the message yeah you do that what the [ __ ] that I want this place anyway and so all our departed away the great shroud of the desert rolls over the nation good night you princes of mayhem you warriors of virtue the beauty of the world the paragon of warriors now is the winter of their discontent did they not learn that it was theirs to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune did they not discover that diamonds are forever but tomorrow never dies did they not recall the old Klingon proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold did they not learn as conquerors once for more that all is fair in love and war no you yeah yeah yeah finally one the end kickassia

Channel: LeisureSuitRantFiend

Views: 828,051

Keywords: KICKASSIA, Nostalgia, Critic

Id: NJuz70OHrxE

Length: 91min 54sec (5514 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 20 2011