Keegan-Michael Key Roasts the NFL's Elite in his Opening Monologue | 2017 NFL Honors

17 [Music] even like bikini [Music] thank you thank you so much all right welcome everybody to the sixth annual NFL honors [Applause] I am your host haha Keegan Dix I'm thrilled to be here tonight because I'll tell you what these days the safest place to be is in a room full of rich Republicans in Texas I would I would like to say hello to the millions of viewers tuning in on Fox and to the thousands of viewers tuning in and on Tonio brown's facebook yes I am so excited about the legends in this room tonight Steve Young is here ladies and gentlemen [Applause] must straight cash homie Randy Moss is here and their one and only Broadway Joe nameth this year ladies go truly the list of all-time greats in attendance tonight is almost as long as the list of no-go topics given to me by the league it's also really great to be here in Houston Texas home of the 8th wonder of the world the Astrodome right yeah and also the ninth wonder of the world Brock Osweiler's contract we're both here fairness to the the winners of tonight's NFL honors are chosen by members of the media fans and this year 3 to 5 million illegal voters I'm sorry allegedly hey remember the good old days when the craziest thing in Washington was the name of their football team remember that but but seriously I was a creeper Jim now you know okay but for the next two hours guys let's just forget that we have a controversial leader who just willy-nilly signs executive orders seemingly does whatever he wants without checks and balances and oh oh wait my bad Roger Goodell is here just spotted him like that rather than I have a question do we have any Patriots fans here in the house tonight let me hear you again let me hear you okay okay that was actually for Goodell so he knows where each of you are for his safety so there's one there one there two there okay I think that's a Wahlberg so I'll keep an eye on I'm Raj okay all right tomorrow tomorrow is Super Bowl 51 which means the Super Bowl is almost the same age as Adam Vinatieri summation Tom Brady going for his fifth Super Bowl ring tomorrow and after the suspension I'm pretty sure I know which finger he'll wear it on so you know what you know what I like I like how Tom Brady finally embraced his image and now only endorses weird rich guy products review scene is like $4,000 mattresses and cybernetic pajamas I I'm here this year he's endorsing a find my island out he's rich I tell ya he's rich another thing to be excited about during Super Bowl 51 Lady Gaga is doing the halftime show so expect something exciting something entertaining something different although there's no way she's gonna break out that meat dress not with Gronk in the stadium because everybody knows Gronk loves me but enough about the Patriots we all know about them we know that they're here almost every year there is another team playing in the Super Bowl tomorrow and they are of course the Atlanta fans fans of the Atlanta Falcons include uh sure Ludacris and samuel l.jackson while fans of the New England Patriots include people who would lock their car doors if they saw a shirt ludicrous or samuel l.jackson right um it's true it's true comment you know guys Matt Ryan is up for MVT MVP tonight so that's great he may win his first Super Bowl tomorrow but most importantly he was the starting quarterback and the beating heart of my fantasy football team the Tuskegee Airmen it was a great team guys it was a really great team but in the end alas we came in second on the season and guys I know some of you were here tonight and I just want to say what happened I mean really it's like some of you didn't even know you were on the team and I'm not gonna say it was anyone's fault but it was totally Jarvis Landry's fault she's got to make a diamond Benji's go anyway back to reality let's go back to reality I think every American is looking forward to watching the Falcons play the Patriots except press secretary Sean Spicer who still insists the Jaguars are playing the Giants period alternative fact Israel now who here is rooting for the Falcons tomorrow let's go no no I really wish them luck I really do the Atlanta Falcons have been in the NFL for over half a century and never won a Super Bowl never I mean they're like the Cleveland Browns of football Oh mother's gym I'm in trouble sadly sadly the Browns quarterback crisis continues Cleveland ran through three more stutters in the season making it 26 since the year 2000 and they say no one's creating jobs in the Rust Belt yes therefore I tell ya because we're not just honoring legends tonight we're also honoring the future of football dak Prescott Ezekiel Elliott are here Michael shames like machines dak and Zeke led the Dallas Cowboys to the NFC's number one seed and even though they're both rookies they look like cowboy veterans and the way they immediately lost in the playoffs so good for you that's there's some the playoffs got really great ratings this year they really did for instance the NFC Championship was watched by 46 million people and the Packers secondary was a touchdown Oh Jordy Nelson is with us tonight Jordy Nelson is here all right Jordy Nelson is an amazing player a mate in this used NFC championship because of his two broken ribs Jordy Nelson wore a Kevlar vest and in last year's Super Bowl because of his offensive line Cam Newton wore Von Miller very stylish [Applause] the Super Bowl is on Fox this year a while ago Fox's Terry Bradshaw called Steelers coach Mike Tomlin a cheerleader but Tomlin he shouldn't take that too personally Terry used to call himself an actor la la got a new team this year the Los Angeles Rams right so the Los Angeles Rams finished their season with a four and twelve record which which isn't great but let's look on the bright side Rams you got through your first year in LA without having to wait tables I'm sorry what's that oh I'm told Jared golf is waiting tables my bad sorry about that we're gonna have a lot of fun here in Houston tonight right guys we're gonna have fun [Applause]

Channel: NFL

Views: 3,440,011

Rating: 4.7503457 out of 5

Keywords: NFL, Football, offense, defense, afc, nfc, American Football, Keegan-Michael Key, NFL Honors, Honors, Opening, Monologue, funny, roast, key and peele, best, of, jokes

Id: ThiRef4jp9M

Length: 9min 47sec (587 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 04 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/NifferEUW]

Don't really watch NFL honors, but I ended up watching some on Youtube and this is by far my most favorite moment..

[u/fobmanx]

lol I believe hes an Eagle fan

[u/HowardBunnyColvin]

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