-Last night, voters in Kansas
overwhelmingly rejected a state ballot measure that would have restricted
abortion access despite shady GOP tactics. And Donald Trump endorsed
multiple dudes named Eric in the same Senate race
in Missouri. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." [ Cheers and applause ] There was a huge victory for reproductive rights
last night in Kansas, where a proposed amendment
to that state's Constitution that would have removed
abortion protections was rejected overwhelmingly
by voters. -There is big news
on this big primary night. NBC News projects voters
in the state of Kansas have overwhelmingly voted to keep the protection
of abortion rights in their state Constitution. This was the first test of
the right to choose at the polls since the Supreme Court
ended Roe vs. Wade. -Wow. Somewhere right now,
Brett Kavanaugh is angrily chugging a Coors Light tall boy
with PJ & Squi. I'm sure he's making that face,
you know? He really manages to
look incredibly angry and incredibly goofy
at the same time, like a Chihuahua who
just saw the mailman. [ Laughter ] This is obviously
encouraging news in the fight to safeguard access
to abortion, and it's especially encouraging given that
anti-abortion activists used every shady tactic they
could think of and still lost. For example, the wording
of the ballot question was intentionally designed to
be as confusing as possible. Now, if the measure had passed, it would have removed
abortion protections and allow the GOP legislature
to ban abortion. But the wording of the language
was intentionally confusing. Here it is, quote... Man, I can't believe
they hired the same guy who wrote
the iTunes user agreement. [ Laughter ] I hope voters were given the
options "yes," "no," or [bleep] [ Laughter ] That reads like the intro
to a college paper you start writing at 3:00 a.m.
the night before it's due. [ Applause, cheering ] Thankfully, Kansas voters
saw through the bull[bleep] and overwhelmingly
backed abortion rights even though a shady GOP group
also sent out a bunch of misleading
text messages on Monday suggesting that voting yes
on the proposed amendment would have protected
reproductive rights, when, in reality, it would have
done the exact opposite. -In Kansas, where that critical
abortion access vote is happening right now,
voters across the state received this misleading
text message yesterday. Quote... That is not true. The measure on the ballot
does not protect choice. In fact, it would change
the state Constitution and do the exact opposite. -You know, as a general rule,
if your best strategy is to try to trick people into
accidentally voting for you, that's probably a sign
that you're the bad guys. It's like, if in order
to get people to watch this show online, we made the title
of every YouTube video "Click Here
for Free Boner Pills"... Although if you fall for that,
shame on you because the free ones
don't work. Fellas, you got
to listen to me here. I know you're thinking, "If I
can get the pills for free, I can splash out
on a romantic dinner, the horse and buggy
through Central Park." But none of that's
going to matter when you pop one
of the freebies and realize that was definitely a Skittle. There are things in life
worth paying for, which is why the only
erectile-dysfunction e-mail you should ever open is Boner Pills --
Reasonably Priced. And I know this from experience
because a friend told it to me. [ Laughter ] But that was not the only
bizarre subterfuge on display
from Republicans yesterday. In fact, in another state,
Missouri Republicans tried something even dumber. In fact, this is a story
that I think pretty much perfectly captures the current
state of the Republican Party. Donald Trump, a man who,
let's not forget, tried to overthrow
American democracy and is currently under multiple
criminal investigations, created confusion in Missouri's
Republican Senate primary by endorsing
someone named Eric in a race with multiple Eric's without specifying which Eric
he was endorsing. And then both Erics bragged that they'd been endorsed
by Trump, a man who, again,
is not only under multiple active criminal investigations
for inciting a coup to overthrow American democracy, but is also beginning to look
less like a former president and more like
the Nick Nolte mug shot. I mean, is his head
getting smaller, or is his hat getting bigger? It looks like his hat
is some kind of organism feeding on his blood. Look how pale he is. He looks like he's starring
in the next Martin McDonagh film as the ghost of an Irish priest
opposite Colin Farrell. Look, I know. I know they say
all presidents age rapidly, but Trump looks like
he's halfway through a "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
face melt. It's like he opened the ark,
his face started to melt, but then he slammed it shut
real fast. But then his face
just stayed that way. "The ark of the covenant --
we love the ark. We love the ark, don't we folks? They told me not to open it,
but we had to open it. Many people are saying the ark, that's where they hid
Hunter Biden's laptop. And then -- And then
I open it up, and the ghosts -- the ghosts
started pouring out. They poured out, the ghosts. And that -- that's how I
ended up hiring my lawyer." Anyway, that dude --
that dude right there -- that dude endorsed two Erics,
two Eric's in the same race. And then they both
debased themselves by scrambling to claim
that endorsement. -Just a short time ago,
the former president offered his endorsement in a key
Senate race in Missouri. He endorsed Eric, leaving it open for voters
to choose between the two Erics
who are actually in the race, one of whom, the former
Governor Eric Greitens, resigned from office four years
ago after a sex scandal and is now facing
allegations of abuse from his ex-wife,
which he denies. -Former President Trump
announced his long-awaited endorsement
late yesterday afternoon, saying, "I trust the great
people of Missouri on this one to make up their own minds." He goes on to say, "I am
therefore proud to announce Eric has my complete
and total endorsement." -That's right. There were two
guys named Eric in the race, and Trump was too cowardly
to pick one. So he just endorsed Eric, left it up to voters
to decide which one, and when one of the Erics won,
Trump claimed victory. It's like going
to the racetrack, walking up
to the betting window, and saying, "I'd like to put
all my money on horse." You can't go back to the window and claim victory
when a horse wins. Although, you know Trump
has done that. When he plays craps, he probably
says, "Show me dice." In fact, even Trump's own allies
were split on which Eric had gotten
the coveted Trump endorsement, with Ted Cruz tweeting that
Trump had endorsed Schmitt and Rudy Giuliani tweeting, "Missouri, get out and vote
for Eric Greitens," with a photo that said,
"President Trump endorses
Eric Greitens." Although I'm just shocked
Rudy picked one of the Erics who was actually running
and not a third, completely unrelated Eric who
doesn't even live in Missouri. "Missouri, go out and vote
for the Eric who's been endorsed
by Donald Trump -- Eric Clapton. I'm a huge fan
because 'Wonderful Tonight' was my wedding song
when I married my cousin." [ Laughter ] I was worried, because they say
when you get COVID, you lose your taste
for cousin jokes. [ Laughter ] And by the way, this is all just
stuff that happened last night. Usually July and August
are quiet months in politics, but a lot of crazy [bleep]
has been happening lately. And because we've been off for
a week, I missed a lot of it. In fact, I don't have time
to get to the rest of it. So to recap
as quickly as possible, I'm going to have to try out
a new segment called "Seth Recaps What He Missed
as Quickly as Possible." [ Cheers and applause ] Ready? Here we go. The Justice Department
is looking at Donald Trump's actions
as part of his investigation of the coup attempt
on January 6th. Trump is preparing
a legal defense and looking for a fall guy. He also said no one's gotten
to the bottom of 9/11 yet. Matt Gaetz was caught
on a hot mic assuring indicted
Trump associate Roger Stone that he would get
a presidential pardon. The Department of Homeland
Security raised suspicions by hatching a plan to recover
deleted Secret Service texts from the day
of the attempted coup. The Pentagon also deleted
text messages from January 6th. The U.S. killed al Qaeda's
leader in Afghanistan. Nancy Pelosi went to Taiwan, prompting a possible crisis
with China. Majority of House Republicans
voted against bills to codify legal same-sex marriage and
contraception into federal law. Joe Manchin and Chuck Schumer
announced a deal out of nowhere to pass a major piece of the
Democrat's domestic agenda, including climate talks
and healthcare. Joe Biden tested positive
for COVID again, and Ted Cruz was seen
fist-bumping a colleague on the Senate floor
after blocking a bill to fund healthcare for veterans
exposed to toxic burn pits like they had just done a keg
stand at a Sigma Chi toga party. This has been "Seth Recaps
What He Missed as Quickly as Possible." [ Cheers and applause ] I had COVID, dude. I had COVID, dude,
and you wrote that? I can't believe
they made me do that immediately after recovering
from COVID. That's like if Joey Chestnut had to do
the hot-dog-eating contest the day after
he got food poisoning. And, yes, it is true that I just
got back from a week off after getting COVID
a second time, or, as we call that
in show business, a season to pick up, which means I wasn't here
to comment on any of that. I couldn't even do shows
from my house because Biden asked
if he could borrow it. And... He went to high school
with the sea captain. I just want to say... I just want to say to all of you
out there who, upon learning that I had COVID,
immediately asked, can Wally host the show
while you're out? Thank you so much
for your concern. Although, if you ask me,
it's a little suspicious that all the tweets asking Wally
to guest host came from a Twitter account
named NotWally12345. -Sounds legit to me, Seth. -Does it? -Yeah. [ Laughs ] -Last night was both
a promising sign of progress in the fight to safeguard
abortion rights on the one hand and also a perfect case study of what the GOP has become
on the other hand. Voters in Kansas
overwhelmingly rejected the extremist views
of anti-abortion conservatives. Meanwhile,
pro-Trump candidates won GOP primaries
throughout the country, even in places where Trump
endorsed multiple people. They all scrambled pathetically
to claim his endorsement. Republicans are still desperate
for the backing of any Trump they can get, whether
it's Donald Trump himself, Don Jr. or Ivanka,
just as long as it's not... -Eric. [ Laughter ] -This has been "A Closer Look." God's Love We deliver
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