Now we gotta make guacamole. I'm gonna wash my hands. I'm dying tomorrow. Why would I wash my hands? What, is E.coli gonna
get me in the 12 hours? Whatever. Hey, welcome to "Mythical Kitchen," where dreams become food. All right, so I think about food a lot. It's almost all that I think about. The only thing I think about
more than food is the fact that we are in constantly
rotting, decaying, meat sacks. We are stuck inside of this mortal prison and one day we will all
return to dust whence we came. But one of the questions I get asked a lot is what is your death row meal? What is your last meal on Earth? If an asteroid were to
strike Mythical Kitchen and Mythical Kitchen only, leaving the GMM set inexplicably untouched via divine intervention, Rhett and Link are fine. The company will survive. Nicole, Trevor, Vi, you'll still have jobs. We mourn me. It'll be fine. What would your meal be? I've put a lot of thought into this and so you are about to see
we have broken this down into three easy steps right there. We've got a full written recipe
six feet under the ground. Actually, I think I want to be cremated. I want to be cremated and then used as a garnish on top of like, Jeff Bezos' dinner. It's like and finished with
a little bit of Josh ash. That's what I want. That's what I want to go. Let's get cooking. Is a weird enough yet? Josh is dying. Picture that. Everybody's standing around
at my funeral weeping, Nicole there is crying, saying "I'll never work
with another person as brilliant as Josh." Vi is over there saying, "I never even played basketball with him, even though we like plan to every weekend. But then it's almost like,
ah, couch feels nice." Trevor said, "We've been saying he's
the father I never had," even though the fact that
Trevor's dad is also there 'cause he's super chill and I feel like he and I have connected. And I'm okay 'cause I'll
have had a belly full of shrimp cocktail, one of my favorite foods in the world. I think everybody needs
to know how to make it. I also think everybody needs
to read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' 1969 opus, "On Death and Dying," to reframe the way that
we talk about the thing that everybody goes through in life. Y'all read that? Swiss psychiatrist, inventor
of the five stages of grief. All right, so we're going
to take these jumbo shrimp. It's my last meal so we sprung for the good stuff from Whole Foods. These are the biggest
shrimpies we could find. These are already deveined. Much like people poop
their pants when they die, shrimp have a little layer
of poop called a vein that goes through the back of it and you always want to remove that. But you can also just have your fish guy. Every Food Network show was like, "Have your fish guy do it." How many people have fish guys? Like three? What I'm going to do here, I'm going to create a poaching liquid. I had the most transcendent
shrimp cocktail in my life. I was like nine Miller Lights deep, so like who knows? It was over a long period of time. It was safe and responsible drinking. It was on Thanksgiving. I was giving thanks for all the blessings that I've received in my life and I was slamming some Miller Lights. I went to an all-you-can-eat
Thanksgiving buffet and they had, it was going to Tuck Room
Tavern, Chef Sherry Yard. Sherry Yard, if you are out there, I had the best shrimp cocktail in my life at your restaurant's
Thanksgiving Day buffet and it changed the way that I view shrimp cocktail literally. There were so many aromatics in the broth and that was the best part. So that's what I'm doing here. I have a little bit of dashi concentrate, which is something you can buy on Amazon or if you go to an Asian specialty store. Sometimes even your local
grocery store might have it in the international aisle. That's just gonna add a nice smoky. How many of these have I peeled? I don't know, man. I'll figure it out. And then I'm going to add
a couple other aromatics. Just give me your shrimp meat! Cockroach of the sea. Nasty beasts. There's still a little
bit of poop in this one. So I'm going to start building the bones of the poaching liquid. To me, that is where shrimp cocktail
really like elevates itself. Drop some parsley in there
'cause it tastes like green. Take a garlic clove. I'm just going to, ai! Crush that, don't even need to peel it. Just get the flavors of that in there. Peppercorns are going to
make that nice and funky. We're going to add some baby
leaves 'cause as we discussed, they do something but not really, but it makes your broth look pretty cool. I'm going to take a couple of lemon wedges and I'm going to squeeze them in there and then I'm going to let
the rinds just sorta chill. Salt, shrimp already has a
fair amount of salt in it because they just kind of like, they're like pickling
themselves, you know? 'Cause they're just living in the ocean, which is a salt brine. Shrimp are pickles! Anyways, point is shrimp are already salty so you don't need to salt this too much. I don't want this to
come into a rolling boil. I wanna to do it kind of like a poach. I'm gonna take all my shrimpies. Yes, oh. What a great excuse to do this. Then we're just going
to drop that in there. I feel like I would pay
professional mourners to come to my funeral. That's a thing you can do. And now cocktail sauce. Cocktail sauce from scratch. It ain't nothing to it
but a bunch of ketchup. I'm going Worcestershire. I'm going Tabasco in there. Tabasco and chilled seafood is one of my favorite combinations. I'm going to add a
little bit of lemon juice and then horseradish. You want to find a horseradish
that's shaped most like, I'm just gonna very finely, I'm just gonna do it here. Shrimp are going quickly. Shrimp are going to poach really quickly. Probably about two minutes in there, depending on how big they are. Once you see it turn pink on the outside, that means they're probably ready. Fresh horseradish. That's fun. There we go. Now you're gonna can take it
and I like to juice it by hand. Yeah, that's nice. And then you're going to,
oh, just to feel something. I think every meal you eat, to me, it's kind of like
a way to stave off death. I think it's beautiful. I think a lot of things we do in life are to simply distract ourselves from the fact that we're one day gonna die. Like almost everything. Sports, food, entertainment, music. It's all ways to just like
prove the fact that you're alive and that's why I love food so much. Every time you just eat a meal, you get 15 minutes to be
completely locked into the moment and to remember the fact that you know, you are alive right now. You're going to pull a shrimp
out with your bare hands. That is looking almost done. We're going to leave that for a sec. What do you think happens when we die? All right, so shrimpies are done. I'm gonna pull them out and then immediately drop
them into the ice bath to stop the cooking process immediately. These are looking absolutely supple. I love all preparations of shrimp, but man, cocktail sometimes, it is just the way to go. I also start poaching my
shrimp before adding them to like damn near any recipe. I found out it's better
when they hold water. Grilled shrimp are fine, sauteed shrimp, whatever. Start off just poaching your shrimp. Now we're going to take that
beautiful cocktail sauce. Oh, this is a martini glass
filled with shredded lettuce. Why? I don't know. I think the first time
I had a shrimp cocktail was at the Claim Jumper, the restaurant that we've talked about where they weigh the
children before feeding them. They do this so I'm going to do it. Not weigh children. I don't, I don't believe in that. Gonna put a nice big 'ole dollop of cocktail sauce right
in the middle there. Beautiful. Now we're gonna take these. We're just going to give them
to the old flappity-dee-do. Just hang them right off the side. Sopping wet shrimp. That's what I want before I go. Doctor, how did he die? Well, he was filled with about 90 to 150 sopping wet shrimp. I don't know if that had anything to do with the car accident, but it couldn't have helped. Beautiful. And then one little lemon wedge, boom, right on top. There we go. Sopping wet shrimp cocktail
ala Josh's decaying corpse. I'm excited to eat this but
that's just the appetizer. All right, so what's the
strategy for the last meal? I like to think of fond memories that I think if I die with
that fond memory in mind, I can keep reliving that for
eternity, "Inception" style. Garlic bread is a thing
that I love to this day. Shout out to Little
Tony's in North Hollywood for serving me the biggest bowl of Ranch with the garlic bread 'cause that's what we're doing today. No one's got a bigger,
colder bowl of Ranch than Little Tony's in North Hollywood. When you're there, you're Italy. They also have $11 liters of wine. Don't care how much
they're watering it down before it gets to your table, I'll drink it all. But I also made garlic bread with almost every single meal growing up. We would typically make it on hot dog buns and so now I'm graduating for my last meal to this big old loaf of ciabatta. I love ciabatta bread. I don't think it's overrated. I am a huge fan so I'm going to cut this ciabatta loaf in half and I'm going to eat an entire loaf of garlic bread dipped in like a pint of Ranch for my last meal. That's course number two. You go from the shrimp course
to the bread and Ranch course, and then we're going to
finish up with the main. That's how I want to go. This is my last meal. No one can criticize my coursing of it. All right, so we got that out there and now we're going to take
two sticks of unsalted butter? I didn't know if you
got salted or unsalted. I prefer unsalted 'cause
I like to add my own salt. We're just gonna, thank you, Nicole. Then we're just going
to add that to there. Then I'm gonna add a bunch
of garlic powder to it. A lot of people are like, why
would you add garlic powder when you can add fresh garlic? Garlic powders taste different. It's dried garlic. It has a different flavor profile to it. It's deeper, it's funkier, it's smellier. That's what I want but I
also like the sharpness and freshness of regular garlic. So I'm going to ai! Palm heel strike that. One palm heel strike that I do will be the last palm heel strike that I have done before I die. I don't think it's going to
be that one but it could be and I think there's something
beautiful about that. There's no context to life without death. All right, so any piece
of, immortality is a curse. Even like digital immortality, the idea of being remembered for forever. Like, no, that's, delete all, delete all these videos when I die. Don't remember me for this. Remember me for the dynasty
of youth shot putters that I will have coached
once I retired from YouTube, that's what I want. And. Thwap! What? It's not glass, it's plastic. Now I'm going to take some parsley 'cause I like green on my garlic bread. If your garlic bread looks green, it just tastes better. Now I'm going to add
some salt to that butter. I'm going to add some
fresh salt on top as well and crack a lot of nice
black pepper into there. I don't like cheesy garlic bread. That's the thing. You might be, Josh, why don't you add Parmesan cheese? Why don't you add mozzarella? Something to make it nice and cheesy, and I don't particularly enjoy that. I'm here for the garlic, and the butter, and the little green flecks, man. Gonna mash this up. Oh, smells like childhood. Oh honestly it does. We used to just buy the, it wasn't even jar-lic. It was like a garlic paste. Just this like rotting,
funky garlic paste in a jar. That's what we would do. If if not that, it would just be garlic
powder and not even butter. The Imperial margarine sticks. Those are good. We should have used. Oh, should've used that. It tastes more like butter than butter. It's the Log Cabin maple syrup of butter. Oh, shoot, no! All right, I'm going to take this and then apply it in just a
hefty layer to this bread. Yeah, oh yeah. Keep spreading that garlic butter. Love that. There's a full stick of
butter per half bread loaf and I intend to eat this whole thing. I'm fine with that. I've made my peace with what, God? Don't know. Whatever God is in the
Power Rangers universe. Is that Christian God? We're gonna take this garlic bread, pop it in a 500 degree oven. I don't like broiling
'cause I want the bottom to get a little bit crispy. And now we get to make
some homemade Ranch. So we're gonna take a
little bit of sour cream. A lot of people put
buttermilk in their Ranch. Don't necessarily need it. I'm getting a lot of the
funk and the sharpness from this like goat blue cheese in here. We're kind of doing like
a hybrid of, I suppose, a blue cheese dressing
and a Ranch Humboldt Fog. It's got that little vein of like blue cheese mold going through, but it's also got the
goat on the outside of it. It's just a really fantastic cheese and it's not that expensive too. What a delicious treat. I'm gonna add mayonnaise,
I'm adding sour cream. I'm adding some chives to that Ranch. I'm going parsley. I'm going dill. I know what you're saying, Josh, why are you chopping the dill fresh? You didn't chop the other herbs fresh. I don't know, do you know? Gonna chop up some dill. This is like my trinity of herbs that I really like in Ranch dressing. Parsley 'cause it tastes like grass. Chives 'cause it tastes like
grass that grew near onions, and then dill 'cause
it tastes like pickles. I'm just going to add
some of that to there. I like a lot of black pepper in Ranch. A lot of black pepper. Little splash of red wine vin. Little bit of Worcestershire. And then milk. Y'all love buttermilk Ranch,
this is just milk Ranch. Deal with it. Come to Josh's milk ranch. Milk, you're good. All right, now we're going to
take whole lot of this cheese. I'm just going to cut off the skin here. Yeah, get a nice big wedge. I'm going to go hands. I'm just going to crumble it
up with your hands in there. God dang, this is going to be so good. Whole loaf of bread, two sticks of butter, big old tub of Ranch. You got a liter of
Little Tony's house red, which is definitely a jug of Carlo Rossi that they just watered
down and put in a decanter and left it in the fridge
for a couple of years. All right, we're going
to stir that together. Wait, wait, whisk, whisk, why am I not whisking it? My hands are covered in cheese. Oh, she's thick. Oh shoot. Yeah, garlic bread done. Yeah. Whoo! Love the little charred edges on it. Well, now we got two appetizers down. The shrimp course and the bread course. Now let's get on to the main course. Now we're on to the main course. This is truly the last thing
I want to eat before I die. It is my single favorite food in the world if we are really breaking it down. This is a San Diego style
carne asada burrito. This is something that
I ate a lot growing up. I spent summers in Oceanside with my dad. You know, anytime someone says
I spent summers somewhere, there's two possibilities. It's either my family was
rich and had a summer house. Not the case. Or parents were divorced and had court ordered visitation rights. That's the ticket. So I spent summers in Oceanside. That's San Diego County. I'd go to these taquerias. My favorite one was called Albertos. There are like 100 Alberto's taquerias and like some of them are related, but most of them aren't related. So carne asada typically is a Sonoran dish that involves meat
grilled over open flame. That is what it literally means. However, when you get into
the Southern California taqueria context of it, it's probably just steak
that's been chopped up and thrown on a flat top because
grills are hard to manage. Very simple ingredients. Guacamole, cheese, pico de gallo, steak, and then you hit it with
just a ton of hot sauce. It's one of my favorite
things in the world. So let's get to it. We got a prime rib-eye here. If you're making this at home
and it's not your last meal, which like fingers crossed, am I right? You don't have to use this. You can use like flat
meat is a delicious steak to use for carne asada. But like man, last meal, I just want to go a fatty
rib-eye 'cause all that grease, we're going to get it
nice and seasoned up. I'll eat that bone raw later. We're just going to get
this nice and seasoned up. All that fat is going to
sort of like render out and absorb a lot of that flavor. So I'm just going to dice
this up really finely, get it sort of marinating a little bit. There was Alberto's, there
was Albatro's, Alfredo's. There was one just called Toes. Shout out to Oceanside, California, North San Diego County. We used to walk down to Alberto's and they had a Marvel vs.
Capcom game machine in there. Good times, man. Now I like to do, I don't like to marinate it
for too long or anything, but I do like to hit it
with a hefty amount of salt. You want some nice salty meat. Just a couple spices. Whatever you got. You throw in some paprika to
make it a little bit of red. Throw in a little bit of chili powder to make it taste like chilies. And then just a little
bit of garlic powder. A lot of these places are gonna
be using pre-made marinades, like adobos or you know, what's it, achiote paste in it. But you know, get some spices in there, hit it with a little bit oil, mash it up. You actually want to kind of like bruise up the meat a little bit so it's not like
completely uniformed cubes. 'Cause I like when you get those little crispy bits in there. And again, the rib-eye is so fatty that when you hit it in that pan, it's going to sort of
like sizzle in its own fat and then that fat is going to sort of leak into the pico de gallo juices, and it's just like a self saucing, self-contained burrito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a little oil there. Yeah, I probably won't even need it 'cause the rib-eye is so fatty. Pop that in there. You want to hear a nice sizzle and we're just going to let
that go for a couple minutes. Now we've gotta make guacamole. I'm gonna wash my hands. I'm dying tomorrow. Why would I wash my hands? What is E.coli gonna
get me in the 12 hours? Whatever. I like to taste the
guacamole in my guacamole. So I go really simple. I go avocado, I go salt, just enough lime to sort of
give you a little bit of acid, but I don't like guac that's too limey. Dang it. Dang it. There's the proper way to pit an avocado. Then what I like to do is go, and then bounce it at the camera. So I take the avocado. Very carefully score it with the knife. Then I take the knife and I wiggle it. This is very dangerous. Probably don't do it. You know Britain had an epidemic of what they called avocado hands? Where like avocados are
somewhat new to Britain and so people were just like, eh, avocado? And then they would just stab themselves. They had to put out PSAs and be like, hey, maybe don't stab yourself
while cutting avocados. All right, let me move this
steak around for a sec. Oh, this is smelling all sort of heavenly. That's great. We're not trying to go for like a medium rare
cook on this or anything. We want it to really
sizzle in its own fat. Fan freakin-tastic. Scoop out these avocados in here. You you know a lot of taquerias, they'll have a salsa that
you assume is avocado, but it's actually calabacita? It's just squash. Yeah, it's a great way to cut down on cost because like they'll saute the green, it's kind of like a
zucchini or a summer squash, and it'll like get nice and creamy when you blend it with chilies and stuff, and people don't even know the difference. So they'll assume that
it's like salsa de aguacate but it's actually salsa de calabacita. Shout out to Javier Cabral, friend of the show who
reported that for L.A. Taco. Dang it, there's an avocado
pits everywhere now. Little bit of diced jalapeno, a little bit of diced onion. Just enough to sort of
like get a little bit of crunch in there. I like putting a lot of cilantro in it. I love having just like a kind
of forest green guacamole. It's like one of my favorite things. And then juice of a couple of limes. Also, always taste your lime juice and lemon juice when you cook. It's a thing that a
lot of people don't do. But limes and lemons can really
vary on how acidic they are. So always taste it before, 'cause if you get a
lime that's really ripe, it's going to be fruitier, less acidic. You're going to have to add
more or les, depending on that. Now I like to mash it up to bruise up the onions and the jalapenos. Sort of get some of those
juices flowing out of them. Wait, oh, steak. Steak's done. Multitasking with Josh. Someone brought it to my attention that when I was talking
earlier about eating as a way to distract you from death, that you do physically
need to eat to survive. But I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about like the idea of eating as a ritual, right? There's a reason that we
don't just eat chicken, broccoli, and rice, and if you do, you live a sadder
existence thing you could if you didn't do that. There's a reason that you know, that people who drink
Soylent seem very sad. Food is so much more about just nutrition. To me, it's literally
about reminding yourself that you are indeed alive and a person, and sort of coexisting in a culture where we all hold certain things near and dear like delicious food. I thought it was good. All right, we got our crispy, fatty steak staying warm
in the pan right there. Now I'm going to wrap it up in a tortilla, just in the way that death will wrap me up in its sweet embrace. A couple of things that
are really important to burrito making. Also shout out to Internet Shaquille, who made the best video called, "Why Don't My Burritos Taste
Like Restaurant Burritos?" He diagrams a lot of the technique and he's absolutely on point. Always griddle your
tortillas so they can fold, because there's solid fat in tortillas. When they melt, it gets nice and pliable. And then also wrap them in foil afterwards so all the ingredients can
kind of steam together. That is the absolute key right there. All right. Gorgeous, take a look. Also, comment what your last meal would be in the description. I'm curious to see if anyone
else takes my approach of just nostalgia as a way to death. All right, now I'm going to add cheese. Right when you flip that tortilla, I like to add my cheese and scatter it across the whole thing, 'cause that's going to start
in the melting process. Similar to my grilled cheese method, not too much, not too much. This is nice and pliable. I'm going to take it off. While the steak is still sizzling, I want to get all that on there. You have that nice, hot beef fat. Yeah, oh, there we go. So the cheese is going
to kind of create a bit of a protective layer between the tortilla and all of this grease
coming off this pan. And then the acidity
from the pico de gallo and the guacamole is going to kind of cut through that and again, just create like a lovely sauce. Yes. Yes, oh, she's beautiful. All right, so I'm going to
take some nice thwaps of guac. Pure happiness in a 12-inch
flour tortilla here. Also, buy the biggest flour
tortillas you can find. I find a lot of people are like, I'm over stuffing my
burritos and you're like no, there's no such thing. Your tortilla is merely too small. This is just a tomato, red onion, cilantro, jalapeno, and lime. Love that. Now we're just going to wrap it up. Uh oh, no, no, we're fine. No over stuffing. There's no such thing. We can lose one piece of tomato. That's fine 'cause as long
as you use your pinkies to brace and then roll it up, and then griddle it down
directly on the fold and smash it a little bit, then you get a perfect tortilla
that is holding together. That's a good sign that I'm
not going to die tomorrow. That the levy didn't break. Some people read astrology, some read tea leaves or the I Ching, I believe in the burrito
method of prestidigitation? No, that's magic tricks. I mean, it's all magic
tricks one way or another. There we go. Some beef fat leaking out. That's good 'cause then
you can use the beef fat to lube up the other side of the tortilla. You want a fair amount of wetness in here. So what's going to happen. We're taking this burrito, we're gonna pop it in there, and it's going to steam. It is going to be a little bit wet and this tortilla is
going to be see-through. All right, beautiful. Not too griddled. Don't want it to be crispy. Wrap it up in the foil really tight. Boom, now we have it. This is the main course for my life. Am I not getting dessert? What more could I possibly
want on my last day on Earth. I'm surrounded by good friends who are technically my coworkers so they're paid to be my friends. Good food and I could call
my brother if I wanted. I might. Well, I love you, John. Anyways, I'm gonna eat this food. So shrimp cocktail. Oh, these stayed ice cold. Dip that in the cocktail sauce. Oh, hot damn. The shrimp is perfectly poached. You taste the dashi in that. You taste all the freaking aromatics. You can suck it out of the shells. That is great. What I like to do. Anytime I get shrimp
cocktail from somewhere, there's generally a thing of Ranch nearby so I dip it in the Ranch. I dip one in cocktail
sauce and one in Ranch. Honestly, this is a perfect
shrimp cocktail, though. The garlic bread, it's crispy on top. When you press it in, the butter comes out of it. That's exactly what I want. Dip that in the shrimp sauce. It tastes like childhood, but better. My life is flashing before my eyes. Ugh, ugh, ugh, didn't remember that one. Carne asada burrito. Arizona Gunslinger Chipotle Habanero is the last hot sauce I'm
going to consume before I die. You see this? When I said the tortilla is translucent. Boom, you can like
physically see through it because of all the grease
coming off that steak. Oh, this is truly the perfect food. I couldn't imagine anything
soiling my mood right now. Oh, you again? What the heck are you doing here, you crazy bastard? You want a burrito? No, all right. Well, it has been a fantastic meal. Thank you all so much for
stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. Got new episodes for you every week. We have new episodes of our podcast, "A Hot Dog is a Sandwich," every Wednesday wherever
you get your podcasts. Hit us up on Instagram @mythicalkitchen under #dreamsbecomefood with pictures of your mythical dishes, just like Evan did from
Carlisle, Pennsylvania, home to American hero, Jim Thorpe. Fun Carlisle, Pennsylvania fact. Who made the cheeseburger
pudding from my cookbook, "Culinary Bro-Down Cookbook," out wherever you get cookbooks, I guess. Evan, you're awesome. Everyone keep up the tags. All right, it's time to go, pal. All right, fair enough. The Mythical trucker hat
is the only hat I wear and I am not just saying
that because this is an ad. So go get yours at mythical.com.
