Joey Diaz's Prison Friend "Chicken Hawk"

about two weeks ago I was on the road and I was thinking about the guy used to pick on a lot a couple weeks ago I went to buy a bra and I Pro pad with my wife very quickly his wife had him you know I've called me last week about something and we laughed for about three minutes about mirror's what there is the mirrors beneath it when you call the windows mirrors I don't want to distract from the story I believe in the high side one oh this [ __ ] place and there's this light-skinned sister she's really light-skinned with a thousand freckles on her and I sat there with her and I really got a great kick out I gave her a great reading with Sprint hit me up I always think about going this hello but I don't want to seem like a creepy uncle so I just won't going up but I really fell in love with her because she was cool as [ __ ] but she reminded me of this dude in prison I was tight with he was one of those orange black dudes what he was orange but he had freckles and he had freckles everywhere I think I've seen anyone like that well the basketball player from the Celtics wouldn't lobby y'all remember him when I was a kid I forget what his name is it was black dudes they got freckles they got a bunch of freckles and [ __ ] well this dude had a bunch of freckles and he was like orange and black and he had like Ahrens black hair it was [ __ ] hilarious and he worked in the kitchen with us okay and he would always be telling stories about he was a drug dealer and chicken bog his tongue shut the [ __ ] out shut the [ __ ] up Negro what the [ __ ] you talking about you bumped three cigarettes and me yesterday you ain't no [ __ ] drug dealer did he was a cat noise or something why didn't he call himself Chicken Hawk did like I don't know I never asked him I never asked her to chicken hard he used to make me going through the black rooms and play down below whatever the president they would [ __ ] hate me buddy there was nothing they could do he was Antwon Spence Spencer Antwon and [ __ ] aka Chicken Hawk from New Orleans and he told us one like that you know when somebody's telling your funny routine like if you watch bill bird you get submerged in that [ __ ] right and you start laughing your ass off or segura oh rogon sometimes you get submerged in this [ __ ] we're in the kitchen one daily the way meaning you sit here like with Becky or somebody else and they come in here Nick the turo we're just sitting here talking but there was like five of us and we had because we used to they would cook [ __ ] in the kitchen and then each of us would smuggle stuff from the bodega and we'd make a big meal one day a week all the kitchen employee all the kitchen employees would go to the store everyday even if they had a borrow money from us they go to the store every day and then they bring back supplies and on Friday we make like a Puerto Rican gumball like real tiny shrimp were [ __ ] with imitation crab meat and then you know he would make like Louisiana and the kid from New Orleans Antwone he wouldn't make that and then we make saltine crackers with sardines ooh oh yeah we'd be throwing Heat [ __ ] on [ __ ] Friday's living like doctors and that mother [ __ ] clawing up your toilets Oh disgusting I was living off those [ __ ] things but that was one of the weirdest because you always hang out with people and they tell you funny stories right like the day stories bug on a vacation or when their kid played in the third grade or whatever this guy was telling us a story how he murdered the guy he was in prison for and we were in tears on the floor Howard that's how funny he was you listen to me going Joey how can somebody tell you about of murdering entities so he told you about the marks he told us the whole day how it went down why it went down so he had already gone through the whole trial he wasn't yeah we were doing time all right he had nothing to lose he had nothing to lose so we're sittin around eatin [ __ ] lunch whatever everybody everybody else was gone from the cafeteria you know it's like six of us just sit there I think me and party this dude's name was as you party a [ __ ] good-looking white dude from Cali blonde hair the whole [ __ ] thing there was a troop of those dudes too there was a dude that looked like Don Henley from California I was there he was doing federal time for [ __ ] reefer Oh important reefer from California to Colorado and there was another white dude there and I got a taste of all three of them were cool the old white dude used to give me books and [ __ ] to read very nice he was [ __ ] cool as [ __ ] but Purdy and me was so tight we ended up at the same halfway house in Boulder oh [ __ ] Pam reunion and then there was another guy that was a car dealer that was turned him back to miles okay he was turning back the miles on the car and he was doing time his name was Kelly his last name was Kelly I don't know what his first name was Hodgins an on coke fiend [ __ ] even in prison he wasn't coke snort coke how to avoid them like the plague roll back yeah he taught me I knew how to roll it back but he was a pro watt and he got caught but he was the guy that he would be working though he'd be working the line okay so I would work in the morning guys okay my shift was 7:00 a.m. to 9:00 10:00 I would wash my hands go to my room take a piss and shoot right to the library okay and then I wouldn't have to go back in that total quarter 12 talk about a corner of the one and then me and the guys would sit around and talk [ __ ] and one day he was just like hey so it's always like you guys ever want to murder the guy right so this now this white dude the dude was in jail for turning back miles Lee he was hilarious he wore glasses he was goofy but he was a killer he was cool as [ __ ] like he was just running a one-man operation out of a [ __ ] big time Chrysler dealership in Lakewood like this deal had been there for 40 years family he disgraced it single-handedly he was snorting coke he was [ __ ] the receptionist he was [ __ ] customers wives I mean he was a one-man demolition crew and he had zero remorse his wife for coming crime and he [ __ ] tally go [ __ ] yourself deal with it I left you 20 G's he was nuts but the cool thing about him was that he would be put he was a dude who put the food out you know those dudes that put the food out through the trays caterers no no he was no [ __ ] caterer he worked in the kitchen okay his job was to [ __ ] take the mashed potatoes and put him over the [ __ ] sternos and then the other thing over the stern I'll say you would plot like six things vegetable a [ __ ] this kitchen at a car dealership no this is it the [ __ ] prison Oh gotcha Jesus Christ we're at the present gotcha when he was in charge of putting out the food so as soon as he'd lay out the food and go up to him I go what's the story and he go don't do it like he would just go okay and I would sit in the back and the black dudes coming and now it's my coat don't do it I mean and that was it don't do it don't do it and it was me and Kelly I think his name was Kelly it wasn't Frank that's a different dude this guy was like Mike or Daniel or something like that this was a party all right so back to lunch weary lunch and were eaten and somebody was talking about Sun and chicken hot we have his old truth he was dressed in white if you worked the kitchen you got a dress on white and he had black boots on I never forget it like it was yesterday and we were in jail that we doing the jheri curl well his jheri curl was all [ __ ] up so his head would stick up in the air like a lunatic and [ __ ] okay and him just added to his persona and was sitting there [ __ ] and he and also his town was yeah it was like that dad killed that [ __ ] and were like huh and he's like yeah man you know I'm a father my [ __ ] house you know I don't know what he was talking about he just went into Italy just like if he was saying hey you remember the game last night he just went into it yeah like you like just thought we were sitting there bunch of us all day drinking you know I never done a drug in my life you know and he was taught that what made him unique like he didn't believe in drugs you know what I'm around if he would tell you when you moved into that chef's barrack the kitchen barek ah if you do drugs don't move into barracks bro because I'm gonna find out and I'm gonna have you moved up so he's a drug I'm telling you right now don't move in the shaft but there's another barrack for kitchen help it wasn't this nice though I so that's why I live in that barrack and did you follow the rules you had into drugs in there okay I then smoked partner at the last a few times they test gently that they test you you had a minimum security camp you living like a doctor nobody says bully okay okay if you really want you could drink but well I'm gonna get drunk with a bunch of guys and do what so I did ask them with the librarian they crazy librarian there's no like Christian dude one day so like fun voltage there who doesn't what we talked about we're talking about spent Antwon telling you so he's telling us the story of how he was there all day having a great time barbecue and he went to the front of his house and there was something going on he said this is why you gotta be careful he goes I learned that from that day on you gotta walk away because you don't know what this other [ __ ] carry and something happened I mean bro he locked us in it was a degree this story I had ever heard in my life at that point and this isn't by somebody with braggadocio he was very quiet he wasn't allowed black guy at all was the movie theaters he wouldn't say a word cuz I have to beat him to get a word I don't watching football he loved to laugh he was about 6 foot 2 225 yeah like for kids he made a lot of money like he wasn't a drug he made a lot of money he did something like construction and he believed as a Realtor you could tell he was a sharp guy if I was 25 he was about 35 I know he had like one of the best attorneys I know he paid a lot for his attorney together my he paid a lot of money as it cuz I'm a man talking about it he got to make three payments of 50 grand whoo the first six months or something and then for the trial he had to pay him together something like that so I know he had a white attorney a jewish something i forget what we used to brag about it but yeah he walked he said he wanted to do it do pull the gun on us and he goes this is you know this dumb [ __ ] your punk got on me in front of my house you know he was living like in 1950 there's a white guy no I think it was a black guy you never disrespect the black guy like that there's some people bro you take a weapon out in front in their [ __ ] house you're dead you're dead that's a [ __ ] goal of some people is shoot you know when that be in defense if you coming to your house I put my gun in the [ __ ] trunk before I walk in yeah so the same thing okay this guy but he didn't look at it like that he didn't know you know it's like I don't even know you they think of you not another door right now I almost shoot everybody my mother [ __ ] in here who's [ __ ] my wife in here unlike the dog nobody you know nobody's [ __ ] your wife we're in here doing a podcast my wife is in these [ __ ] I'm gonna start shooting [ __ ] if you know whatever and you go out there and also you and the [ __ ] shot or whatever he was he said he told the guy to put the gun away I think I told him get the [ __ ] away from me before I shoot your black ass and a bunch others [ __ ] so he said he just turn around it walked into his [ __ ] house ooh that was a mistake that was a mistake he came right back out with a knife and a gun oof hey he was sonic qube I came out with a knife had a [ __ ] gun he just jumped on the front of his house it's too bad he didn't have the gun on him cuz then he gonna just killed him in self-defense it was some crazy [ __ ] story man but have him all of us for life there was one of those stories where you're sitting there and your head's [ __ ] spreading from the from the story like what the [ __ ] to forget this year it was really crazy we that was those cup like I remember I wasn't proud of going to prison I was proud of going to prison for one reason because I got out of the way like by the time I got sentenced and I digested for years I was like you know what I'll be even when I get out of here that's it my car we'll start from scratch what the [ __ ] you giggling [Music]

Channel: Joey Diaz Clips

Views: 942,684

Keywords: UFC, hilarious story, Ultimate Fighting Championship, Dana White, Joey Diaz, joe rogan experience, Brendan Schaub, bert kreischer, Theo Von, Ari Shaffir, Nate Diaz, podcast, Jon Jones, doug stanhope, the church of what's happening now, Interview, Joe Rogan, NFL, stand up, Lee Syatt, funny story, Jim Norton, Tom Segura, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, Ron White, hilarious, MMA, Funny, Felipe Esparza, Bill Burr, Joey Diaz Stand Up, Conor Mcgregor, Eddie Bravo, Bobby Lee, Comedy

Id: ElHn5xHYR6Q

Length: 14min 31sec (871 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 27 2019