Jocko Willink's Emotional Letter to Seth Stone

october i'm gonna head your way and see you today though sometimes i wonder why i should sometimes you don't seem to care and that makes me mad brother and then when i see you it doesn't really make me feel any better should it is that what this is for it doesn't seem to be it actually just makes me remember the way things used to be better times it makes me wonder why things turned out this way what did i do wrong should i have done something different what could i have said you never let me down ever but now you won't even talk to me i was looking at some of the things you wrote to me in the past i opened up an email in it you wrote i feel it again washing over me the descent into degeneration and disintegration the smell of filth black water mixed with blood and gun powder and shit the american soldier covered in filth 11 months into a 16-month deployment the insurgents grown men hiding behind children women wailing over the dead explosions and screams and fragments of concrete flying through the air and frogmen enter the scene to take the hand of the american soldier and pull him from the whirlpool to set his feet back on the rock and speak words of hope we are the prophets of doom and destruction we enter an area and take back the lost pride of america we redden the stripes blew the field and make the stars of our tattered and humiliated battle ensign shine once again we hold it high we carry a nation on our shoulders and we bring the enemy to its knees we do not live in fear of death or wounding or even worse rejection by the country we love i feel my mind coming apart and the old sleeping animal coming out i tried to keep it inside but it cannot help but attend the call to battle when you originally wrote that to me i thought to myself yep he's there again where he should be i knew it wouldn't last forever but where are you now now you seem distant in my head i can see you smile i can hear you laugh but it's only in my head i was surfing the other day it was one of those days a good day solid swell no wind tide was low and the sky was clear and bright i kept looking out toward the outside where you used to sit and wait for the big set waves i thought i saw you a couple times but it wasn't you i heard someone paddling behind me must be you i thought no nothing no one's there i'm all alone out here everything is the same but nothing is the same everything has changed but nothing has changed does anything ever change look at the waves as they approach the shore each wave formed through random combinations of wind and sea and pressure and each one completely unique and when they break they're gone forever but then another one comes behind it and another one they are all different but they're all the same and i see some of the past and the future and i see some of the future in the past and i begin to wonder which is which how did i get here where am i going to end up where are you i look at some more of your writing you are telling a story writing a story about a man about god about life about death and this is what you wrote i am ready to go he thought to himself but for you i wait for the appointed time thy will he said to himself and closed his eyes and placed his hands on the pages as if there was some strength there and he prayed while he prayed he also thought of past times he breathed in deep and exhaled deliver us from the evil one he muttered and he thought of all the reasons he had no right to say this prayer at that he steadied himself opened his eyes and looked out into the first light of the morning he saw a face not his own looking back at him from the window and disappeared but he was not startled this kind of thing was normal i'm ready for you he thought to himself while he ran that morning he did not think about anything his mind retreated deep into itself or perhaps it shut down altogether and he wore no expression he only looked out at the sea and watched as the seabirds glided above the undulating plane of water moving close above its surface but managing somehow not to touch it at home he heaved weights around on a small concrete slab his routine effortlessly recited and at the same time painfully undertaken again without thought or care every morning the same marking off time until an appointed end his final rendezvous that's what you wrote is that what we are doing here marking off time until an appointed end my memory plays tricks on me how many days do i remember how many days do i actually remember and what good is a day that i can't remember did it happen did it exist i want to remember every day but i can't i let some of them go and i hate that i want to remember and re-remember the times we had together we played songs on the guitar but i can't hear them anymore they are gone i can't recreate them i'm not good enough can we play him again one more song here is some more of your writing i am god's messenger i am a chieftain of michael the angel he has granted my request to help you for it is you who are doing the bidding of the king we have heard your many prayers they burn before us day and night yes heaven is full of the fragrance of your prayers and i bring glad tidings from the lord of lords he is preparing his mount to ride here but there is still more to be done on earth before he wields his scythe and sword upon it i bring a message the lord of lords wants to help you reap the spirits against whom you are warring indeed satan has asked to have you but we will not let that happen of course you always have a choice i have come a long way though i came when we heard your last prayer you will not be turned when i read that it seems obvious even god was on your side but if god was on your side how did you end up like this then how could you do this to me what about me yeah i know i'm being selfish but what about me you know what i'm not going to see you today you can wait after everything i did for you after everything we went through together you can wait december okay i calm down a little bit i pride myself in keeping control of my emotions but i gotta admit you had me breaking down a little bit for a while did you see that you're probably laughing at me so i'm gonna come up and see you today is that cool i mean it's supposed to be cool if nothing else just to say goodbye i'll bring you a beer or two i don't even drink anymore but you know what if you crack one open with me i'll have one with you like old times what happened to those times we were brothers and when we came home we knew we made it we made it man as crazy it seems i was actually never that worried about you maybe you were blessed maybe you were lucky maybe it was both but whatever it was it worked you even wrote to me during your next deployment this is what you wrote all i interject is my part the firing and yelling part but the bullets do not hit me they never hit me they pass through me like a miracle two days ago we drove through a village and knocked all the power lines down and it was night and the sparks were like incoming rpgs i wished they were and braced but they weren't and the ieds won't come either they won't hit me it's like i'm being you capitalized the p in protected you believed it was a higher power i can't rightly argue with you on that but if that's so true how did this happen why did this happen where did that protection go did it abandon you like you abandoned me what am i supposed to do now you know what i'm not going to see you today you can wait february it's a new year let's try this again time heals all wounds they say so we should be good now right i should be over it all by now i'll come see you and at a minimum say goodbye just just say goodbye just tell you that's it no hard feelings don't take it personally i've decided i'm gonna go ahead and proceed on down the path without you alone and i'm used to being alone no big deal i kind of like it but even i have to admit it was nice nice to have someone to talk to nice to have someone to talk to without even talking a look a nod a smile no one is smiling back anymore no one sometimes i look up at the night sky that can approximate a smile i see a smile in the sunset i don't know why i try to milk what i can out of every day i should be cursing the sunset that sunset means another day is gone i should be cursing it but i don't i take a few minutes when i can and i watch it good night al huey good night chesty good night stoner maybe there's some relief that the day is gone is that it that that part of the race is over and there isn't a damn thing i can do about it when my oldest daughter was little we would watch the sunset over the ocean when we'd get the chance and she was at that age when she was only just starting to talk she could just say a handful of words when she wanted a drink of milk she would say nok when she wanted to go on the swing she would say ving when i would throw up her up in the air and catch her she would laugh and she would giggle and she would say the word again and she and i were sitting on the sea wall it was autumn and the sun was leaning towards the south and we watched and she watched the colors in the sky red and yellow and orange like fire and the water ignited then it turned black and the sun disappeared into the ocean and she looked up at me and she said again she wanted it back but i couldn't do anything for her i was powerless i still am i can't stop the clock and i can't bring back a day not one single day not one single minute you get what you get and that sunset will keep a man's ego in check especially when your complete lack of control disappoints the little angel sitting on your knee and i can't control this situation either and that stings and i don't want to face that i don't want to say goodbye that can wait you can wait may springtime rebirth so i'm told the winter swell fades but the water warms up the days get longer again i like that i look at more of your words they read he found a sleeping spot happy and excited with anticipation he thought of the glory which was to come and he slept tranquilly and did not dream the blue midnight sky held no trace of trouble almost no clouds only a wisp of silver gray near the moon that seemed to be something beautiful for the humans below to look at as an omen that something good might happen as some kind of sign that heaven awaited it the good thing the good thing you wrote what am i supposed to do with that you set me up you know with thoughts of the good thing because there we were you know we were headed in the right direction toward the good things when you listen to me things worked out always right you know it when you listen to me and you put your damn heart in check things worked out what's your problem you listen to your heart too much you know this let your emotions get a hold of you you know it's true i told you a thousand times ten thousand times and you tried to listen and you did listen sometimes but your heart couldn't be completely subdued it was too strong too strong for its own good and yeah i know i know that's what makes you you fine but you should have listened to me you should have listened and now i am here and you are there and there is nothing i can do about it i'm powerless july full fledged summer now campfires and guitar on the regular where are you at and let me ask you something if you aren't going to come around then can you just let me be i don't want you in my head right now i don't want to get dragged back every time i strum a chord i remember we were traveling up the coast you and me lazy days surfing by day playing on the git boxes at night we were looking for bigger waves the kind of waves that get the blood flowing we found some but what were we really looking for you know as well as i we were looking for that thing that moment that moment when nothing else matters that moment that is sourced directly from the battlefield hard to find anywhere else so we we try and get close to it jiu-jitsu surfing whatever but it's hard to replace maybe it can't be replaced maybe it just is what it is i think i understood that i'm not sure you did i was able to rationalize it figure it out detach from it see it from the outside before that trip up the coast you had written me these words send us we are thirsty for screams and gore and hell and dirt and shit we will hack our way through scores of bodies form them up in a pile and burn them so we can kill by the prior light somebody spread the good news that the killer's teeth are sharp and their guns are clean and their souls are dead so no one needs anything but victory and sacred deference when it is done you see that was your heart talking again the same heart that wrapped around a girl you met the same heart that brought my kids birthday presents the same heart that was broken by the loss of our friends a heart capable of both devotion and destruction i told you to let it all go i told you but i can't control everything i'm still powerless september a year has passed or was it yesterday time seems like a trick but the trick is on me because it's no trick at all time does not waver it does not relinquish it isn't tricky it just is and it is moving on without judgment and without mercy and it will keep moving i am coming up to see you today i have to i have to say goodbye i can't do it like this anymore carrying you around in my head bringing back the past so often that it's interfering with the present and the future that's not right that wasn't part of the deal i arrive you're still there where i left you i brought you a beer and some wax for your board and a guitar pick even though you play better without one i already went and saw mikey and mark i save you for last that's the way it is you were the last to go and this is the way it always ends here it always ends like this and i will end up here too but i didn't know you'd end up here so soon here's your beer i'll pour it in the grass for you i'll put this bar of surf wax on top of your gravestone the guitar pick next to it i read the words etched in that white granite rock seth a stone commander the u.s navy afghanistan iraq september 17 1976 september 30th 2017. silver star with oak leaf cluster bronze star medal with valor faithful warrior faithful warrior i always tell everyone to carry on to mourn but not to dwell but now i'm dwelling myself and i know i shouldn't you know i shouldn't i've thought long and hard about it and i was going to say goodbye but i'm not gonna say it there's no need you're still with me you're in the ocean and in the sky and in the earth beneath my feet you're still with me and i'm good with that here's one more thing you wrote i fought the enemy as good as i could i lost myself but in doing so i found myself it is a path you have to work your own one out it is a struggle i have listened to the truth i am humbled and mystified by this life we live that's what you said and i will tell you this my brother i am humbled and mystified by this life too and i am going to keep on living it i can't stop the sunsets and i can't bring them back but i can make them count and that is what i am going to do i am going to keep on living and i am going to make it count so uh so here we are and speaking of living life and trying to make it count we're doing this gig here tonight so we are live we are yeah yeah you

Channel: Jocko Podcast

Views: 99,546

Keywords: discipline, freedom, military, extreme ownership, leadership, advice, jocko willink, echelon front, navy seal, jocko podcast, excerpt, echo charles, leader, lead, win, defcor, discipline equals freedom

Id: 7I7D8sYpD24

Length: 43min 28sec (2608 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 17 2020