Ladies and gentlemen, Jerry Seinfeld. Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much, thank you. Okay, now when we first started making my TV series in '89, we made the first episode—
it was basically me, George, and Kramer. George was kind of a Larry David
character, Larry had a funny neighbor named Kramer so we threw him in. We used as little imagination as possible. All Larry and I really wanted to do was
have two guys talk in an idiotic way about completely stupid things, which is
not nothing. We did not want it to be about nothing, we wanted it to be about
being stupid. Okay, so we make the first episode, and I don't think anybody liked it
that much. They eventually said, "okay, you can make a few more but you need a real female character. All you've got is three stupid
guys." Now, in the TV network world of those days when the network executives
say, "we have an idea to make your show better," it is always, without fail, without
exception, the worst idea you have ever heard, which is not their fault. It's not
their job to have funny ideas. It would be like if a geologist sent me out into
the desert to find the mineral bauxite. I could never find it. I don't know what
bauxite is—I'm not a geologist. Even if I found it I would not know that I had found it. I can't tell one rock from another. This
is why most TV sitcoms are not funny— bauxite: if you're not a geologist, don't
go looking for it. Anyway, when the network tells you what they think you
should do, it is called a "network note." "The network has a note" is what they say,
and in this case we thought, "okay, that's not a bad idea. We should have a real
woman character in the show. We've got three stupid guys, let's add a smart
woman, that's funny. My point is, this person you see over here, Julia, how you
doing sweetie, you okay? It's only a couple more hours. This person, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who
agreed to do this part with three stupid guys and used it to launch one of the
most brilliant and spectacular show business careers of all time, this person
is a "network note." That's what you're looking at. That is a humble beginning, which is also
not nothing. Okay, so then we fleshed the idea out a
little more, we decided, okay, let's make it a girl that Jerry used to date, it
didn't work out, but was so much fun to hang out with, they decided to continue
the relationship as friends. A completely absurd idea, could never happen in real
life...it's a TV sitcom, it's good enough. Okay, so, now as lame-o as all this is, I
was still required as an actor to play this situation—that she and I were a
couple, we broke up, there was this other aspect to our relationship that enabled it
to survive but without the romantic element, you know, there's some layers and
complexity to that and, candidly speaking, way, way beyond any acting ability that I
possess. So, how did I do it? Because obviously I did it.
People bought it; they believed it. They believed the relationship and I think it's fair to say
the show went on to do very nicely. Here is how I did it:
I just really, really like Julia. I could not get enough of her. Nine years...I was not acting. I
couldn't! I thought she was funny, charming, beautiful, intelligent, every
single second I ever spent with her, on stage and off, bingo, no acting required,
just read the lines in the script, 180 episodes, syndication, DVD,
streaming, piece of cake. (applause) Now, after the show was over and I
started seeing her on other shows having relationships with other TV characters, I
can't say that was the easiest thing for me to handle. I suffered quite a bit of fake pain from this fake relationship. But, I guess
somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that these are the things that were
required of her to do if she was ever going to receive the Mark Twain Prize, so
I accepted it and I couldn't be happier for her that tonight she is here
accepting this great honor. Congratulations, Jules, love you.
