It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (the best bits)

what's this psych [Applause] killer oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a way to start a [Music] day what going do get I'm going to have some fun what do you consider funun natural Fun's back again doing a little swing [Music] boys not too hard not too sof back in school we used to dream about this every day dreams fade stop stop stop stop stop God right why do you have a dog leash oh good question yeah it's for the first D in the dentist system see the girls will see the leash and I'll say I've got a rescue dog outside thereby D demonstrating my value as a compassionate man and later when we go outside the dog will be missing I'll become hysterical and suggest that maybe the dog ran back to the apartment and then we'll go back to the apartment the dog won't be there either and the girl will consult me with sex what happened to the dog he let it go it probably got obliterated by a taxi or I bet that's what happened there never was a dog oh my God wait wait wait wait wait there was no dog no he totally human human d e n as a neighbor i s Dennis Reynolds d as in deliver me from this e as in engage with human n as in Nightmare n as in Nightmare I as in is this real S as in somebody help me there has to be a way to open this goddamn car how do I open the car okay Cabana is assembled the grill is as sparkling as we're going to get it the margarita machine here is open for business time to relax want to drop some acid with me what you're dropping acid H Wood stock baby uh okay well no thank you uh I believe that would have the complete opposite effect some relaxation for me well I'm going to trip balls yeah we're stuck over here by the portable [ __ ] man it's kind of late stop bitching and set up dude no I'm not setting anything up all right I'm sitting in my chair I'm relaxing I'm getting blackout drunk and you're leaving me alone all right be a party pooper what are you doing dude taking more ass classic mistake Frank you're making a classic mistake you shut up sit in your stupid chair it's your funeral buddy s to feel it I bet you are Bud feeling weird yeah you're probably feeling very weird yes it's making me feel like I got to take a dump that's what happens when you take a lot of acid dude I got to go and then go the line's too long I I maybe I can hold it in then going in the mcp's camper dude oh no that might bring back bad memories I think I'm going to hold it how you feeling annoyed there not nothing kicking in yet what you talking about the beer no the yeah acid I did not take any acid remember oh yeah you did about I put a shitload of it in your beer what is that what all those little pieces of paperwor I drank all that [ __ ] dude there's like a ton of ACD in there yeah why would you do that I don't want to be the only one tripping oh my God man oh my God actually oh my God go oh my god dude shut up I don't care go go in their Camp I don't care dude get out of here oh you sick son of a bits dud why would you oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] good evening Philadelphia we've just received word that a litter of adorable kittens is stranded somewhere inside this building that could erupt into flames at any moment who will save them good good shoot the no shoot the building now what okay who we save them move dude I know but I'm saying if if I could get into the do it again calm down calm down calm down dude so I just go grab the box of kittens and run out yeah it's all there is to it you'll be famous everybody loves a hero okay sounds easy enough get to it smells overwhelmingly like kerosene in here cannot believe you guys I could have been killed people love well stories really yeah yes I feel like well stories are played out who gets stuck in a well anymore kittens do kittens yeah you guys put those kitties in there I mean what else were we supposed to put man all right fine I'll do it but don't set it on fire okay I feel like this is dangerous enough Andre use your head how are we going to set a well on fire it's filled with water huh get in the well save the kittens save the day give me the matches yep I found the kittens oh come on okay it's all good through here she throws the kittens in she loves to ruin and ruin and ruin and ruin medicine cabinet D druing the medicine cabinet jackpot rush rush Frank what you guys do slowing down need uppers [Music] [Music] it's [Music] Frankenstein Go For It Go For It Go Go For It Go for it well somebody's chipper this morning oh you guys are there all this time I didn't see you yeah we just didn't want to interrupt your morning routine is doing cocaine every morning your routine Frank yeah you guys do my thing we got to shred a bunch of documents what wh what what are you talking about man well the thing of it is um the Frank's fluids may or may not have been the official beverage supplier of Jeffrey Epstein What Jeffrey Epstein yeah but before you judge me know this yes I was on the sex Island but only for the snorkeling I didn't know anything about the kids stuff no look 95% of what went on down there was not pedophilia oh yeah no the other 5% that sullied the whole operation yeah it sure did did well you know it ain't just me your guys' names are on those documents too remember what what still God damn it son of a [ __ ] no I don't have time for this well come on and be quick it's only a couple of boxes a [ __ ] where you headed Patty's pu please I'm running away from an interview because I just got busted saying a lot of illegal stuff that I definitely did oh wow what kind of illegal stuff yeah it was like you know sweat shop stuff in Vietnam like feeding People to People [ __ ] like that you kill him not directly but you could make a case if the condition didn't do any favors oh you good then give limitations wait wait what you st are you serious definitely okay cool put back around they a nice food spread I want to take advantage wo uh oo W look at the dumper on you [ __ ] off creep what we are about to witness here is a father being reunited with his son after a harrowing day here he is now this isn't my dad that's not Dennis I thought you said you were the dad not this Sad Sack I'm sorry kid must have been a mixup I got distracted by the reporter's beanas speaking of melons there's a cassaba with my name on it hell Jes [Applause] Christ what is happening naked Frank too hot let the couch okay but did you hear she called you an [ __ ] she called you an [ __ ] [Applause] Frank he you had my back now I'm going to have yours the first thing we got to do is beef up security around here you know how easy it was for me to get in that window took me all 30 seconds with this Hammer I could have been bashing your face in before you knew what hit you which would have been this Hammer which I already had in my hand in case you weren't listening feel like I just watched you have sex with a prostitute yeah why what do you mean why was your idea I didn't want to watch you have sex I didn't want you to watch me have sex either thought you're going to show me what you do at work this is what I do at work does Mom know about this don't bring your mother into this and I'm not going to let you watch next time I don't want to watch next time I didn't want to watch this time what huh the monkey got us drunk assaulted us robbed the bar and possibly [ __ ] our mouths yeah a guy who sold him to me did say something like this could happen he did yeah but don't you worry I'll always be there for you I'll always have you back you thirsty yes oh here try some of this Gatorade thank you there you go who is that piss oh that's not supposed to be the piss one why do you have a piss one oh here why is there always a piss one with give me that watch it out with get God damn it fr that's pissed too what the [ __ ] oh I must have got confused and pissing them both wait wait wait I got spritzer how about a spritzer I want a [ __ ] godam it why you have can't full of piss why is there always something crazy with you God damn it look I'm going to do it alone I don't need your help just [Music] go one what were you even doing in that crawl space Charlie well for starters I was minding my own business I was also trying to do a little light reading and then I was putting some cheese in the rat traps you were putting the cheese in the rat traps can I smell your mouth why you were eating the cheese weren't you out of the rat traps no well yes I mean I was eating the old cheese to test it see why the rats weren't eating it why are you was doing such weird things Charlie I do weird things name another thing that you think is weird well I caught you stealing a bunch of coins out of the fountain at Logan Circle uh I was acquiring a little bit of cash to pay my spy D why do you have a spy it's a spy and the waitress of course I have a spy is that normal you know what shut up and give me my book Charlie do I really have to sleep here D if you're going to walk a mile in my shoes this is a pretty big part of that mile don't you think now here put these on no I don't want to wear one of your dirty sleeping outfit uh I'm sorry D but my outfits as you like to call them serve a very specific purpose all right this isn't just for fun I don't have any heating ducks in this apartment it gets freezing in here at night all right now in case you have to pee PE I got this for you all right you my God God damn it Frank was supposed to empty that Charlie no wonder it reeks in here you have open cans of pee everywhere well I'm sorry but you do not want to use that bathroom okay now eat one of these all right you're going to want to Huff a little glue and drink some beer this is cat food Charlie what d i could explain it all right there's some sort of weird chemical reaction that happens when you combine cat food beer and glue it makes you feel like extremely sick and tired and you're able to fall asleep why would I want to make myself extremely sick and tired cuz there's going to be about 50 cats haing outside that window all night long and you have no idea how loud 50 cats can be okay maybe there wouldn't be cats surrounding your building if you didn't have open cans of cat food everywhere I have 50 cats howling outside my window because I have 10,000 rats running around my building D okay I'm not an idiot there's a reason to do the things that I I don't feel good I'm just starting right on time if I were you I'd start wolfing that [ __ ] down I got to go to sleep I'm not feeling good at all all right ready 5 6 78 n man sneaky and mean spider and S my dreams I think I love you you made me want to cry you make me want to TI I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you night man every night you come into my room and be me down with your strong arms and pin me down and I try to fight you you come inside me Charlie hold on a second I mean the first half of that song was kind of cool but what's with the second half it's about the night man like you know like filling me up and I become him I become the spirit of the night man but it sounds like a song where a man breaks in your house and rapes you what dude where are you getting that from all right just two men sharing the night it might seem wrong but it's just right it's just two men sharing each other it's just two men like loving Brothers one on top and one on bottom one inside and one is out one is screaming he's so happy the other screaming a passion and Shout it's the night man the feelings so wrong and right man the feelings so wrong and right man I can fight you man when you come inside me and pin me down with your strong hands and I be the night the passion passionate night man they took you night man and you don't belong to them they left me in a world of Darkness without your sexy hands and I miss you night man so bad stupid cam right Charlie let's join forces hello come right in I will what happened to your band kick me out well it hurts doesn't it what's with the uh curtains I'm living in a world of Darkness right let's get some light in here whoa what's with the spray paint man uh what's with your outfit man why don't we put the curtains back up no no what is going on up here I never know man yeah I like that day day man day man fighter of the night man champion of the son son you're a master of karate and friendship for everyone a day man that's it day man fighter of the night man champion of the sun master of Kate and for everyone get fighter of the Night Champion of the sun hey Charlie while we're down here I just wanted to talk to you about ideas and how funny it is that they could come from all kinds of different places you know like somebody could say something really funny and it might spark idea no I know but before the arbitration I need you to sh shut that's a G sharp okay I got it I got it yeah is it broken it won't shut the hell up no it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do and that's the problem there's like a ton of carbon monoxide down here so I don't want it doing that what why well I actually what I do is I block the the vents to the furnace and that fills the basement with dangerous gases drives the rodents away I always do it leading up to an inspection is that safe no no it's incredibly unsafe we can't be down here too long so get the battery and we got to roll oh my God yeah get it out and then make it look like God damn it Char all God damn it go go go go you get lightheaded yes I got some cool stuff I got some green paint and I found a snake great why you know the snakes cuz like we I don't remember where we landed on St Patty but I remember snakes were involved and the green paints for the uh beer okay I love the snake great catch there but why not just use food coloring for the beer uh cuz beer is not a food when was the last time you ate a beer beer when was the last time you drank paint have you been drinking paint no let me see your tongue oh my god dude all that s this disgusting not bad you can't drink pain I know I know I hear you I hear you I hear you you say that but I don't think that you're going to stop yeah I get it though man it's a right I I feel like you're saying you get it but you don't get it it's cool it's not cool smile my face all over the place clowns to the left me jokers to the right here I am well you may be a man or you may be a leprechaun but only one thing's for sure you're in the wrong basement I'mma see if you bleed green W Char W hey what are you doing what does it look like I'm doing it looks like you've tied a little person to a chair and you're going to torture him no I've have tied a leprechaun to a chair and uh yeah I was going to cut him to pieces Charlie you've been drinking straight paint [Music] yeah oh [ __ ] that leprechaun just flew up a rainbow stop drinking paint Charlie h i good what do you think you like it smells look good and you can't see any of the blood okay good so I'll patch up go what you think about my prop like now there wait what what am I smelling cheese is that made of cheese yeah yeah and then I painted the rest with like magic Mar oh Christ why did you make a cheese lollipop for my nerves yeah smells horrible oh God there's nothing sexy about cheese put all what about you what do you want to do okay uh well I would like to get a chicken sandwich but uh but I think I want to get the beak on the side Frank's always making me eat it first and frankly I'd rather eat it last if I'm going to have to eat it at all oh I can help you here instead of eating it last you don't have to eat beak at all oh ready to order ooh yeah yeah well uh I would like I'm sorry I would like a chicken sandwich please okay and you B no no no regular chicken sandwich that's it that's it for him I'm not supposed to tell you what's in his safe ah okay tell me what's in this safe John cat tranquilizers are you on these tranquilizers right now Charlie [Music] yeah Jesus Christ why are the braks working because I cut the brakes Wild Car [ __ ] aort aort I'm [Applause] out that's my girl that's my kid you got to get out of here dude oh my God there's two of you okay well one of you has to change this baby's diaper cuzz I need to go get drunk oh you going to oh dude thanks a lot man wait wait wait wait why is your voice so high my voice is I'm the one with the normal voice you're the one with the high voice dude I have a high voice you're telling me I have a high voice yeah your voice is crazy sounding are you kidding me oh it's hearing itself hear yourself bro this is bizarre very charming and romantic we're setting up a meat Cube uh what are you trying to say a meat Cube like a little Cube of Meat because that's a good idea actually that the studio was thinking the gratuitous nudity was maybe a bit much [ __ ] you now she's now she's screaming now she's screaming now Mom screaming now Mom screaming I can't believe you did this to you know a little space back here you guys want to listen to some tunes got some CDs from Dennis here hate to break it to you but there's no CD player in here are you [ __ ] me no what why would you buy a car with no CD player because the guy knocked 50 bucks off so you had the option yeah I had the option oh my God and he went with the tape down yes I did Charlie that is so cheap dud you're cheap why did you buy this crappy little car in the first place because you guys rammed my last one into a wall That's why whatever what tapes do you have tapes who has tapes anymore why I would have thought that you would have at least made a mix for the road trip you didn't invite me on your road trip all right well you don't keep a good mixtape in your car I just bought the car this morning Char are you going to yell the whole way there oh my God just shut up and turn the radio on put the radio turn the radio on find a station I'm trying the antenna is probably broken on this piece of [ __ ] car you're a piece of [ __ ] you got a problem you got the problem [ __ ] look out [ __ ] bring a knife to a fight you better be ready to use it inj Bron don't come back here you punks oh you made him look like a [ __ ] holy [ __ ] made look like a [ __ ] oh you a badass dude I didn't know he had a knife on him I gave monocular pat down assess a Threat Level clocked a knife in his boot guys I may have had a little bit of an accident in my pants so I think I got to change out of this gay he just gave that guy an ocular pat down and it actually worked it worked it worked he made a lucky guess and he put us all in danger you made a poopy in your pants did anybody else do a poo poo in their pants this is our head of security I don't need to listen to this okay I'm going to change out of the ski and then we're going to now supposedly Dennis didn't see Moren that night but remember that Moren was once Dennis's wife very nice you know what that would be very nice Bor get it but it's funny he's laughing why did you get a sex doll over your old roommate because you told me to get one I definitely did not yeah yeah yeah yeah I was I was super sad about my old roommate leaving and and you said I needed something Denis shaped to fill my hole no Mac I said that you obviously had a Denis shaped hole in your life that you needed to fill how what a shot you sure about this yes dude Shawn deont is an [ __ ] he stole our bikes and stole our identity I can't believe he's getting away with with this man you know what we got to do what we should have done 30 years ago yes yes you're right you ready yeah Sean deont that prick son of a [ __ ] God damn Frick yo I'm going to steal my dad's Bape pen I know where he heads that [ __ ] hey [Music] you [Music] all right man the sign's done let's see what you got what do you think well I don't know what I'm looking at yeah what what am I seeing here it's just dicks no there's I mean yes there are a couple of dicks it's mostly dicks a lot of dicks now all I see is Dicks no there's also pictures of roadkill and roast beef sandwiches to accurately pick what a vagina looks like okay anyone else uncomfortable all right moving on over and over and over again you know I'm sorry are you schooling me on mircat knowledge seems like I have to oh oh is that right well first of all smarty pants they don't Cher they cheer up oh yeah you think you know a t about the mirat well did you know that the alpha pair will sent Mark the subordinate to show that it's the leater if they find the weak one they start pissing all over it yes of course I know that Charlie we watch the same documentary by the way I'm not the one that passed out halfway through and scent marked all over himself I drank a case of beer man so did I I also drank a case of beer and I didn't piss myself I'll be damed he's going to P are you still eating the nuts no no I'm nut get back go does he want to get to the hospital or to Costco he wants more nuts go yeah you know what buddy I think we'll take you to the hospital and they'll have nuts and you can you can die [Music] there tting testing syphilis [Music] syphilis give me that give me that give me that Mark here we go yes there thank you wait wait wait wait wait I need two more beers passengers this is your captain Boss Hogs F this cold SL of Heaven is my 40th beer of the afternoon so any of you dick nips think you can slow it down faster than me you're welcome to get your bad asses up here talk yeah no put your oh I'm going to need that ah you backway on a wway track I actually got this Uncle out there that said [Music] that run away another run away another is that piss is that piss pull over you might as well pull over he's just going to keep yelling pull over you little dick stop the car Jesus Christ de I'm covered in pissed well maybe you shouldn't have had your window down maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of pee out the window maybe I should maybe I shouldn't it's up for you should wait wait wait wait wait don't go anywhere hi um uh how about this huh uh-oh what do you see huh American Girl blue eyes blonde [Applause] hair it's it's [Applause] thank you okay who do we have here hi hello Deandra y Deandra help me out name an animal that we eat but doesn't eat us well Grant I tell you what I like to eat [ __ ] I'm whoa no no no no no no we can't say you ready D oh you better believe it but uh first hold on hold on a second there's um there's uh you okay you all right yes there's a a quick bit I wanted to H oh what's the D that's about as low brow as a gets yeah Dennis isn't going to like that that's pretty funny though you know what we could do is we could do like a white C Jean thing and create a charity for Haiti and then allegedly keep all the money for ourselves by the time he figures out what the hell's going on we'll be G to November we'll be gone baby J July a sep you don't know the song I know the song There was a good bounce to it top of the morning you filthy Lads I'm fixing to have a whale of a time in this year mobile pu I'm so sorry what is this crazy Patty you big dumb AR yeah why cuz it's fun what about my St Patrick's Day the I'm crazy p oh W that was hilarious that what's happening I'll tell you what's happening one day you're young and pretty and the next the years of drinking and abuse have robbed you of your youth abuse did these guys hurt you no me hband did this to me t h are you doing what are you are you a pirate I can't tell if you're doing a thing now or if this is just who you've become what about our show man what about making my mom famous not funny anymore oh I know how to make it funny what oh I just [ __ ] my pants oh God that's not funny I just meant to fart I oh my god well that's a laugh track that's like really horrible yeah you're just a grown woman who [ __ ] her pants just another important insta message for you don't forget to reduce reuse and I'd rather drive six Hummers and smell your [ __ ] breath loser well these shoes suck they're terrible my feet are all blistered what are you doing don't you're the stupid idiot okay put my I'm putting the KN down I'm taking KN I'll give your money this time you try and gou me again you son of a [ __ ] I'll gou your eyes out go last time you get recycled hope a bird chokes to death on you I hate the bus you're disgusting I can't stand being near you low life degenerates yeah not tippity you either so don't even ask cut stop saying and cut God damn it Charlie e engage physically heyo but you got to make sure that your physical engagement is appropriate to the environment okay your demeanor wants to remain elegant and classy right got it what are you doing I'm grabbing a g dog no no yeah that's [Music] just put me in half won you in the Warrior C there's no surrender though his body said stop his Spirit cries [Music] never hey baby butter baby baby butter baby butter brown they leave but they all come back Brown

Channel: withnail6969

Views: 422,522

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Id: euyUZvSqIHM

Length: 33min 33sec (2013 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 29 2023