A Complete Timeline of Marty Funkhouser and Larry David Banter & Arguments (Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Samy hey Lar you ever hear a d friend D friend no it's a new sonic toothbrush that would really get rid of your plaque what are you talking about get rid of my plaque my cousin's hygienist told me he had plaque your cousin's hygienist told you I have a lot of plaque I what's the big deal plaque is not a serious disease first of all number one I don't have any plaque I just number two she shouldn't be talking about it that's a breach of patient henus confidentiality there is no patient henus confidentiality you're so wrong there is so it's unethical maybe not legally like a doctor or a lawyer but it's unethical is what he's saying it's totally unethical and I don't have any plaque by the way I have do I have an electric toothbrush he has an electric toothbrush how often do I floss at least twice a day tell him I don't have any plaque okay did you tell him that you have plaque you want to have a plaque contest with me Marty anytime you want plaque contest you challenge me it's like doing golf yeah by the way that tip remember the tip I gave you at Ben Stiller's house yeah have you tried it the best tip I ever got fantastic tip right hold it hold it hold it I've got a tip that'll save your game change it it's the easiest thing the weatherman gave it to me weatherman gave you a good I played with him two weeks ago and it's changed my entire game and it is so simple really yeah what is it lock your hands this the way you hold it watch okay yeah okay yeah now instead of bringing your hands back like this you start the rotation Sammy Sammy hey hi there get this the weatherman is a total fraud he predicts Thunders showers so nobody will show up and I'll have the golf course to himself I just came from there he's playing with your cousin why do you pee sitting down many reasons you crap standing up by the way you left last night you about to give me the weatherman's tip and you never gave it to me I can't can't he just called me on my cell phone and said don't give it to Larry what an [ __ ] well he's not an [ __ ] he has assho the [ __ ] happened to you Cheryl got nauseous from your dinner last night and she left the toilet seat up and then I went to pee and fell on the toilet she didn't get sick from my dinner Larry okay how are you feeling I'm not feeling great yeah Marty you're never feeling great hey Marty let me ask you a question does your father have good Hotchkins I Hur my back again let's bring the Ruth down for my father Leo [Applause] Funkhouser lar get up I can't Hur my [Music] [Applause] [Music] hi Larry sorry about the own thank you very much very sorry very sorry sorry about your dad thanks Larry he was a good man he was a great man maybe we'll play golf sometime when you're mhm feel better you feel up to it [Music] mhm want to give me that weatherman's tip you know right now I'm in mning no I'm not saying now but some other time you know we'll talk about it do what you do you have to do just going to say goodbye to my uncle Leo Marty come here a minute is this his [Music] 5way no someone must have switched it what is that is that a cashew yeah it's a [Music] cashew see him see him yeah it's tougher than I thought but hopefully in another couple weeks I'll feel bettery look here look what's going on here do me a favor call me back and we'll play Maybe bye hey how you doing there good to see you guys I can't believe you come in here I eat here all the time I used to eat here with my dad ah yeah I've never seen you guys here before we thought I we were talking about it I thought I'd try it out H yeah it's great food yeah what's good well I always order the turkey little turkey action today little turkey action today turkey today I just can't eat today trouble I've lost 5 lbs in 2 days I have no appetite by the way you know if I just like to apologize again about the whole fivewood incident and it's forgotten cuz you know I hit the [ __ ] out of that you know that you see let not talk about the fivewood anyone okay all right all right you guys get into Beverly Park not yet well we interviewed waiting to hear waiting to hear good luck great course yeah have you played it uh no uh I'm a Jew ah funny oh hey who do you like in the uh Dodger game tomorrow night oh it's going to be tough it should be a great game yeah sold out it's a shame about your dad and all because you probably what you just not up for going to a game I guess huh no I decided I'm going to go no kidding good for you he would have wanted me to go I think that's true MH you would have most certainly hey you know what if you're if you're a little lonely you need a little companionship of the game if you want me to keep you company I'll be happy to do it I don't have a seat for you what about your dad's seat it's spoken for okay all right okay well you have a good time great seeing you guys turkey going to get the turkey you're going to love it good where are those seats anyway uh they're Third Base field level okay hey you know what if you hear of anything where am I going to hear of anything well sometimes you hear that someone so and so's got a ticket game tomorrow okay well the person you're taking might drop out you know no dropping out the tip remember the weatherman's tip statute limitations it's got to be up on that no you're still asking a about the golf tip lope oh one all right three more of those we forc morning hey Larry I see you got a ticket yeah the seats really stink though I'm sitting all the way up there what can I oh there's a hit oh hey what a great game huh is anybody sitting there no can I join you no why not well it's a SE for my father your father's dead it's a memorial we used to go to games together it makes me feel close to him it's the honor him oh no come on Marty let me sit there I can't let you sit there are you kidding no I'm not kidding you're not going to let me sit there not even for a minute are you nuts thanks [Music] thanks Larry Larry come here a minute please one second you not can believe this but my car won't start oh my God what a shame it is listen I've got to pick up someone at the airport and I know it's on the way can you give me a lift please why don't you ask your father to help you jumpstart the car hey Leo why don't you give him a push I'm sorry about the ball game it was emotional just give me a ride let's not go through this please there's one little problem I'm with a prostitute my eyes are closed I'll sit in the back do what you want I piig her up for sex I actually picked her up so I can use the diamond lane so I can get to the stadium on time for the game I buy it just give me a lift to the airport please all right I'll tell you what I'll take you oh that's so great but I want the weatherman's golf too that's the only thing I can't do man your friend will take a cabin okay okay wait done deal let's go okay take your normal stance all right okay forget everything you've ever thought about golf thanks ailia for the ride I got to go I'm I'm coming in with you nice meeting you bana hey give me a favor just hold on to my jacket can I use the bathroom why don't you bring it in there where am I going to put it what if they don't have [Music] hooks it's not my marijuana I was just holding the jacket what are you doing this isn't even my jacket it doesn't even fit me get your hands off of me easy all you have to do Larry is get up there and tell the truth okay that's it okay was it your jacket no just keep me out of this completely it was Larry's jacket it was Larry's grass he's on trial I'm not right it was your pot for your father's gcom right you could you could be a little more grateful I did come forward and get you off the hook here oh thanks a million why didn't you tell me there was grass in the jacket I didn't know there was grass in the jacket you didn't you bought it I forgot guys I just need you to be Earnest all right the judge has to find you a credible witness where is my jacket by the way I don't know where your jacket is well you were the last one to wear it who gives a [ __ ] about your jacket I'm sure you can get another one you know what you ought to try wearing a bow TI be good luck for you hey how you doing how you doing great hey thanks for sending the invite back oh well sure we're going to have a blast it's going to be a are you coming tell me you're coming please I don't know 25 years of marriage Rosie's coming Rosie oon and I have Larry Davis place card right next to hers really you're sitting me next to her right next to her you know Rosie Donald I know her from New York we used to hang out together doing com you have a great time just send the invitation back okay oh thank you I'll see you guys there I'm excited by the way Jody's really looking good she does look great she thanks a lot yeah she's dating a guy I think it's serious she's dating a guy yeah she's no longer gay what you're kidding it's fantastic congratulations good for you she's not a lesbian anymore oh my God good going I'll see you uh soon hey I'll see you at the party are you having fun or what what did you tell Jody I told her you were just make a little overjoy at the fact that she was dating a boy that's all I said all the all the list means Hate Me Now oh so it's my fault yes it is you celebrate because I was pretending to be happy for your benefit I don't need benefit you need benefit what do I need benefit for you need benefit I'm happy if Jody's happy you're really overblowing this whole thing I think we're at a party think I don't like being snubbed by the lesbians it's not fair it's their Bigg supporter you're their biggest supporter I am well they're in trouble then hey by the way where's Rosie OD she she's not here yet so you're invited her she'll be here when [Music] soon okay Dan Danny come over here I want you to meet somebody this is ge's new boyfriend this is Larry David how you doing hey hi great have a good time oh dear uh-oh what this funk cowser one I don't know be right back I don't even know I was here what did you say to Dan what did I hello boy did you meet Sheriff my dog no I didn't I said Dan this is Larry David then I left you and I said hi I said hello I said hi Dan yeah what else you know little small talk how how you doing where you're from and all that that's it and then what did I say I said it must be hard as a guy to follow why didn't you just say hello Dan I'm Larry I said that nice to meet you I said Hi and then i' said that what is wrong with you problem yeah problem now she's back with a woman no wonder why they're all being so nice to me in there they're all smiling at me of course it makes perfect sense I want to say something else uh you left my party before dessert how can you do that it's not proper etiquette I don't subscribe to the wait for dessert rule before you can leave a party yeah no one cares what you subscribe to okay we were trying to recreate what happened 25 years ago and I said Larry would you like to make a toast and someone said Larry went home to take a [ __ ] okay I'm going to flip this coin and this will be the kidney decider all right um why don't we do uh Eenie Meenie I thought we're going to do a coin flip let's do Eenie Meenie we agree on a coin flip I think I'd rather do any meanie fine we'll do any meano let's just do it fine okay all right go all right and before we go I want to say something to you guys and I mean this I admire the both you what you're doing is an unbelievable Act of friendship I just wish I had a kidney match so I could be involved well you haven't taken the test are you ready to do Eenie Meenie yeah you want to take the test no I don't think I'm going to match anywhere let's just do Eenie Meenie who wants to be eenie I'll be eenie you yeah you can be eenie okay he'll be eenie how come you want me to be eenie oh it's good you should be inie that's what you want right don't you want to be inie want me to be een do you want me to be eenie I'll be I'll be eenie okay okay here we go yeah eeny meeny miny mo catch a tiger by the toe if he hollers let him go my mother says to pick this one and out goes y you yeah yeah what are you say about what do you mean what are you so happy about I won no you lost I just want you no you lost you're out you're in out goes while you you're the loser you're the loser you're the loser no you're the loser hold on a minute out goes y you give the kidney you give the kidney you stupid idiots you don't even know how to play any I don't know how to why are you you're out no I'm safe out what the hell is all this screaming about who's with dignity all right wait a second we're playing Eeny mey Mighty Mo okay yeah out goes y you right you're it who's it you're it you're out goes y I don't know no that person's safe he's you no and out goes y u you're it you're you're it you lose fuing ID what are you talking about anyway what what they're giving a kidney to Richard he's the one he lost L excuse me you're not giving your [ __ ] kidney what if one of your kids needs a kidney one day you're going to give a kidney to Richard Lewis no no no you'll give it to him I might not be the match Larry he needs his kidney number one number two he's a fat [ __ ] he can't even survive the surgery can't survive the surg you're healthy and thin you're giving the kidney end of discussion mood [Music] Point hey hey Mary what happened to you guys where where is everybody you mean from the party oh they've been gone for about 24 hours party was last night last night great party oh yeah we had a lot of fun are you kidding we never heard from you the party was last night yeah we sent you an invitation you know did you oh my God that is unbelievable we missed the party totally missed it how did that happen oh it was a great party this might be the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life so've ever done you guys thought the party was tonight yeah obviously everyone else was here you know what I swear I had a feeling I I really had a feeling anyway wa it's so good to see you tell n I'll call look look look look you're here come on in come on what get out of here we're don't want toose on you're not imposing you're tired last night you're up late with your party get out wor because we got some food left over got some games to play Come On In no but it's crazy we don't it you have no plans you're supposed to be here and you're here so come on in come on Cheryl come on come on in come on in come on come on lar come on Larry well I'll tell you this you missed a great party I'm sure yeah so a lot of fun oh mhm mhm I'm sorry we missed it well we didn't want to miss it no but want let me tell you we're here you know we had an hour and a half of the greatest improv karaoke singing you ever heard in your life sorry we missed it and you know what we shouldn't be here right now crazy we really should no no no no no I'm not heaping guilt I I I think we're going to get down no no don't go anywhere sit down sit down get out of here sit down come on sit down I'm okay with it and stop feeling bad we're here now you know what game I love that we didn't play last night is and we play it for money a thousand Pickup Sticks I go get the sticks I throw them all over the room and we pick up the sticks and the one with the most sticks wins the pot huh is that great that sounds good yeah what is this you got company I'll get really get rid it's really crazy please relax I'll get rid of him are you guys expecting company hi hey what are you doing here the party where is everybody just a little note the party was last night what do you mean the party is last night the party was last night it's tonight no guess who else thought it was tonight who what what are the odds yeah what are the odds oh my God how about that had the wrong night just like us that's unbelievable unbelievable no no no come on listen we're goingon to have a little get together tonight'll go go don't go anywhere go don't go anywhere listen to me welcome we're going to have a little party tonight the cake is wonderful cake is incredible best cake ever best cake I ever had ever and who's ever had more cake than me okay what is the deal I've never tasted anything like that everything is handmade where did you get it m I'm sucking like a at a cake shop a new way of eating cake like a mint wait I need to find where 26th Street Bakery we got it you know Jeff he can't stop all right this has been yeah we got to get going we got get going we're going going yeah we're going to get going yeah no I've got to get going no no we got to get going my daughter is waiting for a puppet show my dad has a virus he's in bed with fever cover his dad always has a virus [ __ ] you he doesn't always have a virus okay you guys stay here keep him company we have to do we should stay here you stay here then you stay you stay here oh right okay hold it a minute you guys were supposed to be here to go to a party right you had nothing going on Father sick puppets tomorrow you'll take your puppets over to his father's house and make him feel better okay we're gonna have fun and guess what our next move is wow we're going into the living room and we're gonna play the newly wet game yes because we played it last night and it was spectacular God do I know my husband okay okay next question that was great if you could have sex with one of your friends wives or girlfriends who would it oh that's a dangerous one okay okay all right hold on hold on tell me when you're ready I'm ready got this okay I'm I'm ready I'm ready okay I'm gonna go first okay all right I will say Cheryl that you are adorable thank you Susie you dress great yeah well that's that's my forte Marty but when I really think about it I've got to go with my little puffer look at oh man oh God how about that is that is that great all right go go I want toar you're hold it hold it hold it okay you're next I'm gonna go [Music] with Chacha chachaa Lou's girlfriend yeah chaa oh my God I had no idea you had a thing for chaa what are you talking about I to think for ChaCha Richard's girlfriend that was that was a dumb answer oh stop I had no idea that you've been that you wanted to have sex with I want have sex with I'm answering the question for the what was the question Marty who do you want to have sex you have sex with a f me involv now what who are you going to say who are you going to say I was going to answer SU good oh God you call full of [ __ ] you are full of [ __ ] you are full of [ __ ] wife [ __ ] you [ __ ] you you're the m i okay I hope we're not too rude but we showed up the night of the party good one yeah yeah let me ask you a question how come you didn't tell me that I was eating a black penis the other night you mean the cake yeah well I told you it was a black log cake yeah still yeah I was eating a black penis you didn't mention it well eating a black penis is not appetizing to everybody next time you're going to do something like that tell me okay I think that's unfair why'd you take the balls home I didn't know there were balls hey [ __ ] aler my God I can't believe it you're Al what are you what are you what are you doing this helps my emotions jogging is the best thing for me so MERS morner exercise I didn't know that I don't know if mourner's exercise is just good for me interesting I'm going to remember that next time I lose a close member of my family yeah jogging yeah helps everything by the way I called your house I left a condolence message I never got a return call well I had a few things in my mind yeah still it's a little disc curious let me explain something to you sure I lost my dad a year ago my mother just died I'm an orphan okay you're a what I'm an orphan orphan yeah an orphan you're a little too old to be an orphan no if you don't have parents you're an orphan oh you could be 70 and be an orph you could be 100 and be an orphan oh you can't be 100 and be an orphan yeah you can okay Little Orphan Funk cower let me ask you something one of the things that bothers me a lot in life is when ice cream drips down the side of a cone doesn't that bother you that's why you have to be very Vigilant when you're eating ice cream cones look there's a little drip get it oh another drip got it are you coming to the funeral of course I'm coming to the funeral okay I'm going to give you the $50 out here for the golf bit oh my God hold this 50 I forgot all about it the $50 yeah great what are you doing taking off my shoe I got money in the shoe what there you go take the $50 take the $50 I'd really rather not I don't want that 50 from your from your sweating disgusting sock and sneaker I'm this is a payoff that's I don't want that 50 give me a clean 50 this is A50 I'm not touching that 50 I don't want the 50 that's what I'm not paying you what I'm not paying you this you owe me $50 what this is $50 it's perfectly fine see $50 all right this is [ __ ] hold it out hold it out Fold It Up fold it that's it okay put it in my pocket here okay put it there [Music] thank hey why did you leave that stupid message on my answering machine what I don't want to hear about the money anymore no one will take this money I couldn't give it to a bum listen to me I don't care about the money someone stole flowers that were marking the spot where my mother was hit in her wheelchair really yes I'm not a violent person but if I find this guy I don't know what I'm going to do to him I can't believe that a human being would do that how would you even know the flowers are missing I keep track of it I drive by there 10 times a day okay you know what you should go home now don't worry about the 50 I don't even care about it anymore you know what is that I smell what there's no smell what do you mean that's a white lily I don't even know what what what is what a white lily I know a white lily huh I got a good sense of smell what are you doing where you going there they are I knew it hi mty Hi how are you sh boy those are beautiful thank you where'd you get them Larry just brought them home for me where'd you get the flowers um I get those Venta Boulevard what store what was it uh where can I find a base did you take the flowers at my mother's sight what what they wouldn't take the 50 at the flower store how could you do that why there's so many of them I didn't know it was such a so many of them is that such not there to pick my never heard how many flowers does she need you took flowers from Marty's mother graveyard well not a graveyard it's a roadside Memorial it's not such a come on how could you do this and you know what I am missing one where's the third Bunch there were three bouquets I know where it is he will get you that bouquet I feel sorry for you if you weren't my best friend I would take my bare hands and pop your head off your neck he's not my best friend you better get those flowers is that what this looked like when you stole it what problem yeah big problem no good no good no oh that's uh that's the way I got them come on what what's wrong they should all stand up up that's what flowers do when they're healthy stop picking up the petals okay well I don't want to make a mess I'm in yeah don't worry about you made enough of a mess okay I'm sorry okay who are all these people oh they're friends and relatives from out of town they came in for tomorrow's [Music] funeral hey thanks so much for coming appreciate [Music] it do you smell something yes what is that that's mom's perfume you're right so [Music] Strong's hey somebody drop the [Music] 50 I didn't think I was going to like this I don't like the skin I I marinated you know I roast gerl left me what what what do you mean she left you she's gone she left what happened really she's gone she's out of the house she suitcase clothes oh she'll come back she with her sister she's not coming back you want something to eat sweetie let me get you something Jody get him a chair please what happened let me get you please you know she was coming back on a plane and there was a storm and she called me uh from the plane and you know I had the to guy in the house so well you know it's so hard to get the too guy man this guy we keep exchanging calls I can't get him there so he's finally there you know and the whole call he's he's he's kind of talking to me what's with the small plate that's the only one I had clean what it's the same exact portion tin PL but it's the same exact portion what's the difference so my grandmother used to eat what happened with Cheryl on the plane there was a lot of turbulence she was really frightened the too guy was there I couldn't really talk and I told her to call me back in 10 minutes the plane was going down you said call me back that I didn't know it was going down I didn't know all right you know what she's going to get over it and it's all going to be over no she's not going to get over it because she met a guy on the plane what really where did she meet another guy the plane was going down guy sitting next to her guy sitting next to her what a scumbag takes advantage of a married woman who's scared I feel terrible I'm emotionally distraught over this I mean I know this would never happen to n and myself of course not but I want to say one thing okay Cheryl's a great girl she's adorable good cook fun to be with she has a terrific body used to be amazing I remember it's true but let me make my point none of us at this table ever would have met Cheryl if not for Larry David true that's true very true I brought her into your lives Cheryl's a great girl but we have to stick with Larry [ __ ] can you hear him yeah no he's still wait I got Steve on the other line on hey Steve do me a favor remind me these people they they're just who are you talking to oh hey hiy Jody hey what are you doing tomorrow let's play golf I can't Larry the funk houses have made a decision we're going with Cheryl yeah but really like Delirious do you want to delious Delirious hi what a surprise is this what I think it is well we we're just having dinner having dinner talk this is one great picture I love it it's good to see you guys hey can I ask you for a quick favor Man's dad Dan has ulzheimer really oh we're having a fem wathon at Venice Beach I need you to sponsor me Jeff's doing it $50 a mile 250 bucks so you want me to sponsor you yeah sure 250 bucks Larry David right there it's worth it believe me you don't know what Alzheimer's is He's Got It Bad really yeah what have what what does he do he runs around the house all day naked chasing himself playing tag it's awful really truly he screams at the cat cuz she didn't vote wow every time he farts he calls the fire department just sign it please 250 don't make me beg you you know uh it is a great cause yeah yeah sure that's of course it's a damn good cause thank you very much there you go 250 bucks thank you great to see you two again good to see you guys what am I going to do I think you're [ __ ] that's what I think Tomy is that funk CER yeah what is what is he doing here he's supposed to be walking he's having a cup of coffee I'll see you later hey LD how you doing pal where's your shirt what are you doing you're supposed to be walking I raised money I don't walk you didn't tell me you were sitting I wouldn't have given you money in the first place I didn't say I was walking well the walking's implied is it not no I said sponsor me for the wathon okay wathon walk why do you want me to walk you took money under false pretenses so you don't care about Alzheimers how would the [ __ ] my best friend recommend such an [ __ ] why didn't you say you didn't like him any nor Al person would have picked up on what I was trying to say now I'm abnormal now I'm abnormal you are abnormal you're the most abnormal jerky nut case I have ever met in my entire entire you think you're more normal than me [ __ ] yeah I I'll have a mental patient face off with you any day oh really L did you stick a Geral up your ass who told you that I'm not going to tell you tell me who told you it's not important no of course I didn't stick a jble my ass get so upset I'm upset yeah fine hey Dr schaer hello see that see that guy what was that whole thing he goes into my refrigerator come on you don't do that what did he take lemonade liquids are okay I don't believe that people should go into my refrigerator kind of a stupid rule is that what do you need a stupid rule I don't go into other people's refrigerators you could go into my refrigerator I don't go into your refrigerat welcome your welcome guest hey how's your sister by the way bam bam yeah thanks for asking she's doing a lot better really yeah I'm really glad we took her out of that mental institution that's good yeah I'm excited you know if there's anything I can do you let me know you know what there is something you can do what yeah you can come over today at 1:00 and visit with her visit her yeah what are you kidding why you didn't mean it of course not why did you say it then you know it was something an empty gesture it was something to say guess what you said it be there at 1:00 but one thing when you go in the house look at her shoes before she call calls your name don't look at her in the eyes she'd love to see you oh Christ I don't know how you take a statement like that seriously but you said it and you're going to stick to it and make her feel good oh all right I'll see you Jeffs tonight what's it Jeff oh oh he's um having a little dinner party I guess I wasn't invited I can't believe that why don't you make sure before you ask someone am I going to see you tonight that they were invited I just assume you going you don't assume anything if they had told me who was coming to the party I would have known and I wouldn't have asked but they refused to tell job to find out who's going to a party all I want you to do is entertain my sister for two hours and then you can go to your goddamn dinner party she better not be dangerous be there at 1:00 I'll be there I got to sit in a room with that nut what did you do with bamb bam what nothing when you come over to the house I didn't do anything it's like a miracle I've never seen her spirits like this I mean the medicine and your visit she's a different person that is fantastic but you know what I shouldn't been giving me any of the credit this is the man come here come here what he he says a b b it's like a new person oh how about that that's great were you there too yeah no wonder she was singing I love the fat boy I couldn't figure it out I love the fat boy how about that great I can't thank you guys enough oh what did you do we just uh sat and talked with her that's all did you play any games I play some games out no games uhuh did you play a minion Pickup Sticks no no the key to the whole thing you treat them normal and they really respond I love both of you and you got to promise me you'll do it again if we have time oh no you got a promise say just say you go over there dinner is serve H you were into our fridge Uninvited right that's ridiculous oh then might you explain the whereabouts of the freshly sliced deli packaged turkey I don't even eat turkey the mustard yellow mustard in a glass jar and the lemonade soda what lemonade so you're a hypocrite too because I had lemonade at your house and you threw pardon me a [ __ ] fish are you kidding she's emotionally unstable you you believe a word this woman said you know I don't mind if you take liquid but when you take regular food I have a problem I didn't take anything that's crazy speak the truth help him with the truth would you just I wouldn't know I actually wasn't there in the kitchen you were you were oh no you weren't I know where you were you were in bed with me what what come on what did you say what did you say the [ __ ] is she talking about J what the hell did you take advantage of this what did you do now you [ __ ] per you serving you're serving nothing but lies here I'm not hungry come on what did you do to her you do she she's a NE she is a nutbag I did not do anything sleep with a mental like that right leave you even bam bam is not crazy enough to sleep with you okay only I am there you go there you go that's exactly right of course everybody okay I want to apologize for the funk Houser family oh stop it's not necessary need to apolog I'm going to have to take her back to the institution never mind apology accepted Now call Marty Bam Bam call Marty okay I'll go in the house you li just tell me you lied right you lied Jeff join dir oh my God don't look at them Larry don't get eye contact oh my God go go go nice Jesus oh my God want to come Marty what out call him now get your sh out what are you doing here tell him Jeff said I was in a top 10 tell him stop it calm down tell je joined me not have left the house folks we had a report of a break-in did you see anything yeah okay you know what she'll give you a statement I I got to get in the house I'll take your statement now no she can't give you a statement she's not qualified to make a statement she's crazy what no she's not crazy yeah after what she said at dinner tonight she's crazy oh no no she I take her back to the home p a s t pass away I don't believe it God only knows what that man has let go through we beloved moth God hey hey hey hey Norm's here we got to hurry up let's let's eat let's order he's the slowest golfer in the United States let's order breakfast and beat them to the first te yeah come on what are we having I'm going to have egg whites with a bagel quickly please H Sun side eggs just a fruit plate I'd like um same thing egg whites with locks and Well Done onions okay I don't want them limp I really want them crispy and Andy do me a favor okay you don't need to get crispy onions no no no and this is what I want no no no they takes it takes a long time to get onions well done believe me I've ordered this before I know exactly what I want I know you know what you want take a long time thank you very much takes a long time to stop it you don't know what you're talking about I you know what I'm talking about I okay so I'll only eat half of them don't worry you have never played the ior hey Jeb what's going on how are you how are you not bad just in town for the day you going back to New York yeah I'm taking a red eye tonight good to see you good to see you take care take care why didn't you introduce us he's from New York you're never going to see him again for the rest of your life it's courtious thing to do what do you have to know his name I don't have to your name and Shake Your Hand a common courtesy when you're talking to someone it's a pointless and unnecessary social convention to introduce every single person you know will you please finish shoveling that [ __ ] into your face exactly how I I told you those Zion were going to take 10 15 minutes a couple minutes longer than you guys it wasn't a couple minutes we've been done for 5 minutes all right let's hit what does it matter now what does it matter now no it's over maybe they're going to the rage no they're not going the range they don't go to the range thanks gentlemen yeah I got it don't worry thanks L you're welcome so you know what they do here they they it's it's an 18% tip included yeah and then they have a space for an additional tip you know I'm what I have to start doing math in my head now and then then what does it come out to $2 I'm leaving an extra $2 that makes me look cheap don't just leave the 18 and let's go decided I think that's all they expect I'm not leaving any more additional tips here I'm you know I'm protesting it I swear to you I'm going to protest it I don't think it's right I'm going to follow your lead it's a good protest this is crazy did you have to yell and scream at Norm out there did you yeah I did have to yell and scream you guys are the slowest foresome in the club you're very inconsiderate he's looking for a ball for half an hour you don't yell at somebody who has high blood pressure I didn't know he has high blood pressure you know what happens when you yell at somebody with high blood pressure they have a heart attack and they die and that's exactly what happened Norm is dead you're getting quite a reputation here at the club what are you talking about I didn't do anything look it may have been an accident but you're a murderer how dare you we got got to bury this thing now yeah let's bury it we'll bury in the woods seriously yeah come on pick pick it up no you pick it up you killed it you pick it up oh this is horrible fruit's good yeahum delicious isn't it how can you talk about the food I want to throw up we should get out of here yes let's get out of here oh that's a wonderful idea I want to get out of here now let me explain something to you [ __ ] okay Swan Killers leave people who aren't Swan Killers stay have a little lunch enjoy themselves socialize get to know the members there's nothing wrong get it guess what I'm not a swan killer okay hey let me remind you of something [ __ ] you're talking way too loud about Swan killing in the dining room why is that so hard to understand how many rules are you going to break okay you're not supposed to have your phone on it's always ringing you killed the swan K SW shut shut up it was a bird what were you so scared of a bird it was self-defense what could it have possibly done to you he going to kill me it's not a wild boor you should sit with lip in the air why we even why we thinking be what are you talking to you like a club I love this club you tell me free DS no more DS for Life whole life valet parking anytime range balls all you want you tell me right tell me um no I really can't think of who could have done it hey hey I was just saying I feel so nostalgic I'm thinking about my mom and dad really H how's your dad he's good he's good yeah I'm changing the uh I'm changing the headstone great great by the way I was talking to the sto Mason on the phone the other night what an [ __ ] this guy is he butts in on a conversation that's none of his business starts telling me how cheeter overrated what an ignorant [ __ ] my God please give me a break there's not one person who ever said said to accept this [ __ ] honestly I'm an [ __ ] who are you I'm Ed Stone Mason huh what are you doing here it Marty's mom's headstone his dad's headstone do a Norm's headstone and I hope we get to do yours real soon prick see you later Eddie why don't you tell me you a stor mate oh you wanted an introduction is that right yeah what about your policy no introductions I know but this uating circumstances no you said they were a stupid social convention so I'm moisted on my own pitard exactly LD big day what are you doing here I'm here for support I don't need support this is it's not a social event this thing you know you you can't just show up like that what are you so upset about you're not a you're not allowed to be here you're the only people from the show are supposed to be here you know Jerry sees you he's he's going to throw you away you know he's not going to want you here why don't you ask him I don't need to ask him ask him if he tells me to go I'll go Jerry Marty Funk house hey Marty how you doing how you doing good want to hear a joke he doesn't want to hear a joke we have a read through yeah we got let me just get right through it okay a woman's very afraid of the size of her opening what is she afraid of the size of her opening so she goes to her mother she say what am I going to do I'm so big down there when I marry Harry he's going to divorce me her mother says don't worry sweetheart it runs in the family do what I did when I married your father go to the market get some raw liver put it in there and never know the difference oh my God so she does they have eight hours of sex after their marriage she wakes up at 10 o'clock he's gone but there's a note on her pillow says my darling Harriet to think that I waited a year to consummate our love relationship makes my heart beat so L I'm surprised it didn't wake you up the only reason I'm not here now darling is I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house a picket fence we'll have dogs and children oh this is not so bad oh yeah this is great we finish the [ __ ] joke already when the 5:00 dinner bell rings I will be home like the winged gossimer of You Love In Your Arms your loving husband Harry that's nice PS your [ __ ] is in the [Laughter] sink okay you told your joke let's go I'm good is that he surprised me surprised I had no idea it would be that revolting I would say in fact up oh my God is this great what again what are you here what I don't understand this why do you keep coming Jerry told me I could come whenever I want Jerry said that to you yes oh this is Mrs duberstein this is Larry David hello it is an honor to meet you she memorized all the shows she loves Seinfeld I am a huge fan hi look at this Kramer Mrs is duberstein hi I'm Michael Richards hi I just saw your husband about 20 minutes ago oh uh I I think you must be mistaken my husband has been dead for 2 months what gross disease yeah it was a long painful death okay I've got some great news guess where the [ __ ] man is going for 3 weeks Miami London London London how about that on business how great is that wow that's fun are you going no oh really oh she doesn't like to travel I don't go on business trips with him have you ever been there no oh my God you should go it's really beautiful this time of year H really yeah London maybe I should go Marty no it's cold right now it's cold and foggy and dangerous they have gangs over there and everything else and I'll be doing business I never travel with you I think it's a great idea I'm going let's talk thank you that's decided I'm in hi Marty hi Susie well look who's here it's the big funk you are a colossal prick do you know that I'm really get today you you're laughing you think it's funny what did I do let me tell you something you ruined my whole vacation you had a butt in and tell man to go on my trip I'm sorry I could have had 3 weeks working and being alone I was curious as to why she wasn't going why don't you just go with her why don't you bring her I'm bored everywhere I go with her we don't look at each other she talks over me I want to be alone I want to get the chance to spread my wings well why don't you get a divorce yeah I'm too lazy LD guess who's getting a divorce what Martin Norton Funkhouser and it's because of you that man and I were talking about the London trip yeah I started to realize wait a minute if I did go to Europe without her I'd come back and it would be 20 more years of boredom so I said to Nan look let's get a divorce she said okay I'm going to be single you and me wow is that great congratulations congratulations you know what you should do you get [ __ ] divorced you should ride around and bump the horn and [ __ ] like [ __ ] getting married you know what I mean what a great idea godamn right put cans on your car beat your horn divor just divorce I'm excited I'm single get out there and get some new ass you know what I'm saying huh you don't ran that other ass in the ground right I don't want to talk about my wife like that you ran that ass in the ground you moving on right well I didn't run any we had a nice marriage for no you ran ass on the ground fck run people's ass in the ground all men do it's it's not a negative thing to run an ass in the ground that's all you ran that [ __ ] in the ground I can r a car how much fun is this great is this two single guys at a ball game and we're sitting in the owner's box can you believe that stupid remark he said to me changed my life for the better is it incredible oh I love you how is that lawyer h cats he must F he redid my entire divorce settlement you've got to use him I will use him uh names please Larry David Marty fun cazer I'm sorry gentlemen your names are not on the list no no no Larry David I'm a friend to Joe o'donal's oh Mr oon no longer owns the team huh he lost it in the divorce so his wife owns it now he lost it in the divorce yes sir didn't you recommend ham cats to odonald and you used ham cats for your divorce my God you're not going to believe this Richard is dating a must dancer I had dinner with him I don't like sell like a pig but she has magnificent breast what's she like she's dumb all she wanted to talk about was how she dances uh how the crowd loves her and oh here he is I'm sorry huh let let me alone don't yell at me I they move the audition it's like in 10 minutes and I was on the phone with an exgirlfriend who suicidal so I couldn't exactly hang up to say I want to go to a salad bar wait she's going to commit suicide she call you a lot of people call me you a suicidal yeah I don't think you'd be my Suicide call you kidding me no I don't think you'd be what would bring you to the brink of suicide a curiosity can I ask him why he wouldn't call me what would bring you him oh he would bring he would oh so you'd be calling the guy who calls you by the way are you dating a brother L cancer make should say that we heard I didn't say anything bad I said she was beautiful why do you have to blob about my own person he didn't swear to secrecy what's the big deal hey if it wasn't for [ __ ] Bess we wouldn't have chaplain or the MOX brothers or chaplam was a great pole dancer admit it the only reason you're going out with her is because of her ample bosom that's despicable to say that to me of course not for her brains and her sense of worth and have you set a day aside when you're going to finally look at her face yeah laugh it up all right this like I'm I have an audition now so if you don't mind I'll see you later very funny that's it you come for two minutes I told you why I'm late I have an audition and quite frankly little offended by you just focusing on a woman's breast and nipples when maybe I'm in love with her all right so how that you're always in Love no I'm not always in love but she also gives a charity and she has a great personality charity that's right what what do she Dan she milk that's funny too you guys are on a [ __ ] role I'm out for underprivileged Kids Charity it's the charity all right I gotta go believe the stuff that comes out I got an idea H why if the three of us one night this week go see your dance hell yes we're not doing anything wrong no let's go he never said we couldn't we can't say anything to him we can't why do we have to say anything sit in the back I said we go what are you doing I don't need to do that I did a hands in please we don't need a hands in I'm going to get going you got lunch I got it okay I got it yeah let's go see her what the hell oh you'll love it we got to do this more often come to disgusting strip clubs disgusting why is it disgusting did you have fun no not really boy I had a blast you know what I think what I think lisis has lost his mind why I just saw his girlfriend's tits that's why so what he's not going to marry or he's just having [Music] [Music] fun Shalom all right what the hell is this what yeah I went through a bit of a midlife crisis and I rededicated my life to Judaism are you for real I had a lot of shelus in my life and I didn't realize it I went to Rabbi Stein do you know her no I don't phenomenal I go there every night we talk she's invigorating me is that why you haven't been practicing we're depending on you I hope you got your swing I'm ready I'm always ready when are you going to come back to earth huh I'm living under a Mitzvah you have none of that hey let me ask you something what the hell is she doing here why shouldn't she be here what do you mean it's in it's a dinner party for adults hey dinner's up hey you know what I have a Hala in the C that I'll bring in all [Music] right amen amen now the wine what okay no way no way that's enough come on no I'm hungry well you can't drink the wine without the prayer oh you can't really watch this hey I got a good joke this is right up your alley okay Funk man woman goes to gynecologist he says get up on the table put your feet in the stars and spread your legs wide he goes my God Mrs Johnson you got a big vagina whoa whoa whoa Larry what Samy's here okay oh what's the big deal it's a little joke what happens excuse me what's the matter with you telling a joke like that in front of her what what are you bringing your daughter to an adult dinner party for she's an adult she can come to an adult dinner party she's an adult she's an adult why can't she hear a dirty joke oh there's a level okay a level yeah oh there's a level of being an adult she's an adult when she turns 13 or learns to make her first Lotus LOL Shalom you know I thought all last night if ra bin can break bread with aaat I can have chicken at this anti-semitic [ __ ] hole okay that's just not going to work yeah that's no what's not going to work the yamaka yeah I can't go in with wearing this yamaka she shoving it in their face let's go in no no no no no no it's far too cocky a move what what is this the radon and TBI let's let's just kind of walk in what proud Jews were yeah be proud here in the parking lot you don't need to be proud in there who's AF let's just go in and sit down take it off take it off I'm not doing anything don't you dare go after your don't you reach for that don't you ever touch that no don't ever grab my yam give it to me don't ever grab my yamaka ever how dare you don't ever touch my yamaka do you understand what the hell is that we're going to go eat without you good who needs you get it get out of here Shalom El you you [ __ ] me you Jew bastard [ __ ] me like Israel [ __ ] my people we seek him here we seek him there those Frenchies seek him everywhere is he in heaven is he in hell that damn delusive pimpel fuckman look who's here well well Martin Shara Shara Martin all right then shall we problem [ __ ] me Jew bastard yeah small price to pay for the best sex I've ever had anywhere this woman is amazing when did you have your orgasm when she said she'd [ __ ] the Jew out of you hey let me tell you something the penis doesn't care about race Creed and color the penis wants to get to his homeland it wants to go home I came over here for another reason Rabbi Stein said that I can't play in the golf tournament Saturday because I have to honor the Sabbath you're coaxing us well if you're saying that your best player is unable to play because it's a Sabbath yes I'm coaxing you so you're going to have to get someone else the tournament won't let us get anybody else and if you don't play we all drop out it's over for us I'm following her lead she told me what I have to do I can't play what if I talk to the rabbi I'd love you too she's in the valley Al a brook and if she gives the okay would you play I'll Be There our friendship is about that much now I'll tell you what tour minute it's over how about that why don't you go wrap your head in the towel you're not even a man anymore mommy Rabbi says don't play little boy yeah don't you tell me to get out of here hey you dropped your yaka oh my God yaka alert oh Sirens y on the floor oh hey [ __ ] man hi Marty why did you have to take up two parking spaces you made me take two parking spaces okay yes I can understand that you're upset I I too was upset when I saw the red Volvo to my left also taking up two spaces he created a domino effect there's no Volvo out there there was one I parked okay okay great all right anyway guys I just want to tell you I'm going to miss you a Marty you too Mar I'll see inside all right some people believe in our daughter believe it or not thank you Marty ask Funk oh hi Kenny some hi Leon hey man how you doing hey Funk man LD come down here to what do I owe the honor my nephew Kenny Kenny hi Larry hi The Jewel of the funk of family is that so that is so H how about that straight A student okay member of six clubs in the high school runs the mall he was just voted High School allamerican pitcher what of a Kind what of a Kind now wait a minute if he nails his SATs which he will mhm he's going to Stanford on a full scholarship I don't want to be a hater but can't nobody do all that [ __ ] in one day well I mean I I just work hard and I'm saying you're making it feel like this motherfucker's Forest Gump or something you want see that movie yeah I've seen for SC that [ __ ] lived the life I mean I'm not I'm not running across the country you see a titty what's the matter with you incredible question is that all right anyway so uh thanks for stopping by nice to meet you uh were just about to eat so I'll see you uh I love a sandwich me too I'm starved I don't want to impose though we got a lot of meats man all kind of [ __ ] is in let's do it yeah come on thank you like balone and [ __ ] are you [ __ ] kidding me you could let me tell you something this kid a picture let's get off that looks like he can't lift the chest piece yeah you'd have a good time hitting him yeah try that mustard it's dope Gary has all kind of goodies in here all kind of cheeses and meats yes what are you making sandwiches baby who wants a pickle pickles I want pickles can't have a sandwich without pickles right no tap it tap it yeah do you need any help I I got it I got it everybody's got to be the hero of the everybody wants to open it you just got it hit it up here give it to the big Funk no little funk's got it okay come on let me take a shot at it no what are you doing Kenny Ken Give me the give me the jerk oh oh [ __ ] what happened I think I heard a crack pitching arm yeah that's my pitching arm oh my God we got to go to the hospital oh my God I'm so sorry oh shut up it was an accident never should have brought him over here he tried to open the pickles so he took the jar from him and you tried to get it from him too you trying to do too much B Victorian now you want to be pickle boy you doing too much sorry Kenny was a perfect kid and look what's happened here look what's happened to my Jewel my nephew who was an Allstar pitcher he's up there now in a cast why did you have to fight him for the pickle why did I have to fight him you fought him for the pickle too I didn't fight him I let it go oh you let it go if you tried to open that pickle jar just like I did everybody wants to be a pickle jar hero you broke his elbow okay are you happy he's just a different kid his personality has changed he's filled with angst he's ready to explode and you want to know why the way he relaxes is the way all men relax it's called ejaculation you can't use the right hand okay this is his ejaculator okay it's done it's in a cast m's on lunch what the hell is this [ __ ] [ __ ] you call this lunch take your banana and shove it up your ass get out get the [ __ ] out leave me the [ __ ] alone I don't even know him anymore I'm scared to death of him he can't masturbate he can't make it come out out he can't go left no he can't go to his left can you go to your left n nobody can no one can you know it's funny though there's other things I can do Lefty I can eat Lefty I can brush my teeth Lefty there's a big difference you need rotation you need your Tempo you need feel I don't know what's going to happen because he can't concentrate anymore he told me today he doesn't give a [ __ ] about the SATs he doesn't care about Stanford he doesn't care about anything wow he's lost his will hey I'm at this woman in the in the hotel and I think I think she could help him what does she do she's uh she's a prostitute I like your dress oh thanks I got it at sax Fifth Avenue oh that that's a nice store M take your clothes off Kenny you know Mary she's with this guy he's bald with glasses he looks just like me she said I wasn't her type unbelievable and now Ted Ted's going out with Cheryl what about that well you haven't been married to her in a long time there's nothing wrong with that would you do something like that you want to go out with Cheryl you do behind my back you'd never know that's the way to do it yeah I called Cheryl I called her twice for what just to talk to her see how she was doing and shopping tips and stuff like that we got a cup of coffee you're kidding two movies what walk in the park yeah it's not a big deal one dinner I went behind your back it's the only way to go yeah that's true well Kenny sounds like he's having some fun tough to listen to though oh my god oh I got a I got a Skype thing with the Iranian console guy I'll see you later I'm not staying here by myself oh Marty I am so sorry so sorry to hear about Kenny thank you really sorry it's the worst thing that's happened to me in my life I mean he's like a son I never had oh my daughter is transitioning ah how's that going so far so good you know I saw a coup Eco she looked pretty good yeah well she's a he now so yeah he when when is she get in the penis he's talking about it it takes time he get the penis do they throw in the balls Marty I'm so sorry about Kenny is there anything we can do I'd loved you to come to the memorial oh we wouldn't miss it I appreciate it sorry we have a uh early dinner to go to dinner it's 3:30 dinner hey you better be at the memorial oh one second that was my seat you took it again you took it again you took it again you took it again I didn't the Lord is his portion the seat may he rest in peace when we leave this service today let's not feel sad let's be upbeat because that's what Kenny would have wanted he was a very happy young man F he's got a gun oh my God go this way him down Jesus stop no h that's that's my friend you [Music] idiot sorry he refused to see the person he did not heed the call I don't know what happened on the plane but he's a great guy to play golf with very surprising do you care about the character of people you play golf with if they leave you alone of the course no I'm happy to play with a reper bait if he has a good personality and I enjoy playing with him I'll play with reper Bates yeah oh really yes you Manson Ramirez and Hitler that's a good force them if they play fast they play Fast rather play with a fast Manson than a slow Funk Houser I'll tell you that any day of the week yeah you're a little slow I line my ball up I look I hit it hey L can I take a moment please on behalf of my adorable new girlfriend thank you for a delicious dinner thank you for coming Cheers Cheers fro Marty cheers heal happiness so nice to meet you thank you for having very nice really good what is this tap yes it is no filter no filter tap water well Marty likes my water good see you're really the only person who has a problem with the water you know it's just water what are you so sensitive about I want you to go this is unbelievable okay well it was fun it was fun we we it was not fun no it wasn't I pick up a knife I haven't urge to stab I don't think stupid thing to say at a dinner table and then you made such a deal over the goddamn filter terrible but you didn't have to say anything about it how could you not comment on water that's so bad okay I've done everything I can to get her back I sent her flowers boom shredded on my doorstep I mean I don't know what to do oh oh you're ready accidental text purpose oh my God tell him okay here's what you do you you send me a text but you accidentally send it to her on purpose and in the text you say something like hey Larry you were an [ __ ] the other night there's nothing wrong with our water it's perfectly okay say anything you want curse me anything I don't care okay i' I've never said this to you before yeah you're brilliant than you thank you I invented this I invented did it for me dear Larry I could say anything I want anything Larry you were so out of line the other night about the water yes if marn didn't throw you out I would have perfect DN it he's had some bad luck today all right there we go oh that's nice all right hey what do you like uh four look she texted me right back I love you I know this is not meant for me what a great man to stick up for me like that unbelievable thank you unbelievable huh brilliant get the flag up yep we in a planing grade today no I'm having a bad day beautiful oh beautiful oh look at you beautiful oh my god oh guys I hate to do this I got a medical emergency I got to get to Cedars we only have three more holes no we got a medical emergency here wait wait what are you talking about you owe me $200 pay up it's an emergency I'm a doctor you are a doctor on the plane I got to go a patient needs me oh boy you're down three with three to play you got to you got so when you're losing money you heed the call is that it you know what that is selective heating that's what that is Enigma [ __ ] Jesus Christ God crazy it's perfume look who's here hey oh for God's sake look at this my little lace just broke and you know what there's no extra laces in the house do you have extra laces in your house no nobody does I don't know why people don't stock up on them they stock up on canned food and we got a problem Marilyn told me she saw you in Neiman Marcus push the Spritz girl of course I did what do you mean of course you did I got attacked and I push push a spritzer lady get out of your [ __ ] mind it's a violation you don't just go Spritz them in the face like that it's a violation we have a very big problem now Marilyn is not happy with you you know what I got to do now I got to go through a rewind let's hold on to that thought for a minute okay I think I could fix this will you listen to me please at the end I don't care about that and you just do this Marilyn said to me I have to make a choice it's either Larry David or Marilyn she gave you an ultimatum an ultimum who would you pick I took Marilyn I would have made the same decision let's face it at this point in our lives it's it's not so easy to find people to have sex with us hey Vina always wins I lost a brother to vagina he's quite a feminist isn't he vagina got his ass goodbye so if I run into you are you going to talk to me or is this this is the last words we're ever going to CH talk to you anymore I'm going to miss you so when I see you at the club dinner tomorrow night no communication whatsoever said to me if you communicate with him I'm gone oh hey LD that's a feel Ren you saw a movie Marriage Italian style three times I told you right gorgeous gorgeous [ __ ] beautiful yeah oh jeez oh my pants are ready now I got to go see that Rhonda there something up with that girl mhm this woman likes me loose his date how do you know well she was quite taken with my water stance the other night and she wouldn't get out of the dressing room when I when I was changing she likes you yeah and I got to go go back there tomorrow to pick up my pants you going to hit it no I'm a loyal friend when women give me an ultimatum who are you going to choose me or your friend I say I'm going to choose my friend that's it why why do you have to do this you dump me you chose somebody I didn't dump anyone I'm trying to say goodbye and end this okay goodbye see you See You Leon all right get out don't keep talking you're standing there I'm leaving well go okay I'm going to leave I'm we're not playing last word one two three bye bye one 2 three bye bye by no don't do that [Music] goodbye hey Funk man would you uh would you mind passing the bread this way would you mind asking Marty please pass me the bread I'm famished Marilyn just for tonight could you give him a an exemption from the no talking rule that you've imposed no just for tonight so we can all have some fun we're at the same table exemption denied what is an accidental text on purpose you send somebody a text pretending it to be to somebody else so they think they're reading a private text but really what they're trying to do is give you the information that they want to manipulate you with it's [ __ ] did you send me an accidental text on purpose oh you did that was a [ __ ] text I I don't remember that do you like my water I no I really don't I don't remember doing that do you like my water I can't stand your water I I can't I don't even know what to say it's like I took a straw and put in the Frog's ass it makes me sick I want a every time I get near it I can't stand the smell I can't stand the color and I cannot stand the taste I can't take it anymore you know what talk to him all you want hello oh hey sorry we're late fun to meet great to meet you so I I just want to say before we begin I I I'd like to apologize for what happened between us that is not a a true representation of who I am let's start to me okay yes let's do it yes okay some sparkling water for the table no no we no we don't want that we want some tap water you don't want sparkling no get that out of here tap well it's unfiltered better water is water we're not water snobs we don't care why' you bring the tap bring us the best bottle of champagne you have in the house very good all right very good we're going to live it up yeah yeah oh I love that sound you like that I love that sound I mean the good thing here is that if we want seconds we go right to the front straight to the front right yep boy oh boy it's a lot of ketchup there I like ketchup seems a little excessive no here we go living it up happiness living it up okay I mean you use too much ketchup you know what happens they they convert to packs to little packets is there a ketchup shortage like oh we're going to run out of ketchup I there ketchup shortage I just thought if everybody use as much ketchup as you do they would stop buying it as a matter of fact I think I need more ketchup wow why are we talking about this there's no way she could finish all that ketchup is there watch me let's just change the subject okay tatoes are delicious yeah oh my god oh oh my God don't do that can we get a wet towel somebody it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay yeah your sweater covers it fine I I think I want I I want to go home oh no really bad state I'm going to go home I'm just feeling very uncomfortable I'm so sorry it's a it's a really bad State it's go home home team you know what I it was the fork I I think it was the C let's not argue over this I'm so sorry it was lovely to meet you you lovely take home nice job once again one those thanks gosh another time I guess than bye bye hello you're looking at a man with an A on his shirt for apology is that so yes I'm sorry for the other day there was nothing I can do we had to leave so I left quite an expensive bottle of champagne I wound up paying for we ordered the champagne because you wanted to live it up you said let's live it up I would never live it up I live it down I don't live it up okay maybe I said let's live it up I want to have a good time that's all so anyway so you're here to what uh apologize I'm sorry for leaving me with the bill no I'm sorry for leaving early that's what I'm sorry about I don't mind you leaving early but I think the proper apology would be to say I'm sorry here's $250 for the champagne okay that's a cash apology my apology is from the heart that's something that means something why do you come to the office to apologize without offering the money I I you feel bad you offer the money no you don't you don't understand feeling bad bad is feeling it the heart feeling bad is making it up it is not well to come here and apologize without taking your wallet out and offer offing who knows if I would even accept it there's not even an offer let's go to lunch talk it over okay okay yeah I got to take a quick piss hey your pool working yeah can Caesar and his family use use your pool who's Caesar Joe nice to meet you Caesar nice to meet you sir can he use my pool it's hot out they have no place to swim and at this time of year we might have family coming over you know I never know and I'll tell you what we call it even the $250 so you're never going to mention it again never again when do you want to come over on Saturday what time is good for you 8:00 a.m. uh let's make it 8:30 do me a favor sir no diving and try to stay in the shallow end okay that's his number oh thank you Mr Larry little C is going to be so happy gracias hello LD it's the funk man I can't talk right now all right I'll make it quick I can't host Caesar's pool party what why well Marilyn wants us to go to Catalina so I've got to do it very disappointed and I'm sure Caesar will be too and Little Caesar I don't know Little Caesar and I don't really know Caesar but uh we still on for brunch Sunday I guess so okay I'll see you then all right goodbye Cesar fli the tip on me and then you know he wouldn't take the tip so I was obligated to more obligated than hi Hi how are you what a day we just came back from Catalina what a cruise that's beautiful doph great boat beautiful much how are you guys doing gosh I am so sorry but I think I have to go oh no we just had a go home argument and I have to go oh no no no don't do that no don't do that I just feel so upset I'm not going to be able to rally for today thank you you understand thanks for trying I'll see maybe again but who can say I might not sorry enjoy the champagne I'm sorry here we go hello hey look who's here hello Marie is this a replacement for Bridget I recruited her from the bar she's a standing for you oh great you got to get you a chair where's the way yeah you know what you need to go now what yeah you stood in now it's time to stand up but hey very good job good standing job really the first team has arrived so and listen Larry if you ever need an actor you call me okay you never know okay expecting the call okay well I wouldn't go that far well hello there that was interesting hi you know it's customary when someone is 20 minutes late to offer an apology to their friends and am I right no it's absolutely correct that's ACC yes sorry what that's a sorry don't insult us with that if you're more than 10 minutes late it's got to be a profuse apology that was an apology like you were one minute late am I right he's right and frankly you're sorry was not commensurate with the offense can I get a drink if I was 20 minutes late I'd be apologizing like I accidentally killed your family guess what yeah you did accidentally kill my family my nephew the joy of my life was killed by the Bulls and it was your fault okay sorry bottle of wine anybody yes good idea red or white love red so what's happening the colonos could be clean as a whistle I'm so sorry I can't begin to apologize enough I know I'm late and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so who's this that's Paul I'm sorry it's I'm so sorry it's a tremendous apology horrible I can't tell you to make you don't have to say anything it's a fantastic apology one of the best apologies I've ever heard gave me the chills that apology oh my God I feel like getting down on my knees I don't know what else to do I wish that could be broadcast on National Television so people could hear what an apology supposed to sound like for God thank you [ __ ] apology now thank you thank you so much great thank you very much thank you I feel better didn't you wear that sweater yesterday what did you say what the [ __ ] did you just say well don't get so excited yeah I wore the sweater yesterday so what what are you outfit tracking me I'm not outfit tracking you I asked you a simple question sure sounds like you're outfit track and so what I didn't work out it I wasn't on the subway I didn't go in public toilets the sweater is clean you can wear a sweater two days BR it's not a shirt I don't wear a shirt 2 days in a row it's just a sweater what are you a [ __ ] lunatic you're an outfit tracker and I don't like it you can wear the same sweater 2 Days in a oh

Channel: Bubba Smokes

Views: 422,696

Keywords: curb your enthusiasm, marty funkhouser, larry david, curb, funkhouser, bob einstein, super dave, super dave osborne, norm macdonald

Id: o3Q3WMW8cTg

Length: 89min 1sec (5341 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 15 2024