I'm Josh. I'm Ollie. I'm Mr. Z. And today, an Italian chef reviews British supermarket pizzas. Oh wow. First up, Mr. Z. Heinz… Beans pizza. Oh my gosh. An absolute UK staple, beans on toast. Yeah. What about beans on pizza? Exactly. This looks not bad. This does not look good. This looks horrible. Let's be honest, it's actually super hot. Have I overcooked it? A little bit, yeah. Oh wow. So, I don't like beans. What, at all? These beans. They're terrible. What don't you like about it? They feel like baby food. They taste like baby food, they look like baby food. And they smell like dog food. Oh wow. It's like a baby dog. Like a baby dog! Let's do it. This is how we start, really? Yeah. Is it a crescendo or a descendo? Well, we'll see, you be the judge. That's why you're here. Yeah. Does it smell like beans? Not really. It looks less like baked beans than I expected. It's also super thin. It does taste like baked beans. You know, the best part about this pizza are the burnt beans on the crust. Look at this. It's beautiful. Oh, that's so, so crunchy. Oh, I've got bits of bean skin stuck to the inside of my teeth. It's not very fun. I mean, you can see, so when it separates, the beans come out from the bottom. From where they're hiding. Under the layer of cheese, there's more baked beans. They're like little vegetable trolls living under a cheese bridge. Oh, the cheese is coming up now. Okay, out of 10. 10 is the best pizza you've ever had. Okay. And nought the worst pizza you've ever had. Okay, this, at the moment, it's a 0.6. Okay, my question is what's worse than that then? Yeah, no, genuinely, that is my question. I don't think I've ever had a pizza that's worse than that. I think that might be the worst. The problem that I have is that it's coming back up. Okay, that is a problem. You should see the doctor about that. All right, next up. Lewis Capaldi's latest pasta. What! Is that a thing? Why does Lewis Capaldi have his own pizza? I don't know. The name of the pizza though is the Big Sexy Meaty one. Wow. It looks better. It looks a lot better. You know, this looks like Lewis Capaldi a little bit. Okay. What, big sexy and meaty? No, like, if you look at the pizza, you can see his face. Okay. It's there. All right, let's try it. Cheers, guys. Wow. Wow. Surely better than the Heinz Beans one. I mean, it's a huge improvement. The mozzarella is actually not bad. I brought a few things to pair with the pizzas while we have them. Wow. Oh my gosh. That looks like some fancy chilli oil. There's not even a brand. There is no export date. There's no ingredients. Just chilli and garlic olive oil. Wow, and those are whole chillies. Yeah, whole chillies. Beautiful. Oh my gosh. Let's do it. Let's go. Oh my gosh, that chilli oil. Extremely more rich. That tastes like a restaurant pizza. I mean, the textures are nice. Crispy on the bottom, but soft on the top. This one is a 6.6. Wow. Yeah. But now what we have is Goodfellas "Made With Respect" Pizza Pockets. Is this from the States? This feels very American. Oh crap, sorry. Also, is this from the movie? From Goodfellas. No, well, I wonder. Maybe they have to pay royalties. Of course. It's a mafia pizza. Have you never had a Goodfellas frozen pizza before? Of course not. I mean, I thought this was like a mafia pizza. Are you kidding? Honestly, and this is not an exaggeration. This is not an exaggeration. I would say me and Josh had it for the majority of our meals for at least a year when we lived together. - No, no, no.
- Majority. Every week we would go out and we would just buy a ton of them. Ah what is this? Doesn't that look like a nice light meal? Oooh! Wow, you love a cheese pull. I do love a cheese pull. That's made me a little bit happy. Okay, stop, stop. And the lesser known cheese helicopter. Smell this. What? Smell it. What does it smell like? Triple cheese. No, it smells like nothing. It smells like nothing. How does it smell like literally nothing? It smells like flour. Yeah, flour. A little bit of flour. I'm going to go for it. Okay. Okay. I'm not sure what's chewier, the cheese or the dough. This is not legal. It's so undercooked. It's texture. I feel like the large problem is the texture. It's truly disgusting. So ironically, do you feel disrespected? I do feel disrespected, and I feel like I disrespected Heinz Beans pizza too much if this is in the ranking. Wow. Okay, okay. Hang on a second. You're going to revise your ratings? I have to. No, no. I feel like we can't call this pizza. That's like saying pizza flavoured crisps are a pizza. A pocket is a pizza folded in half. Okay, so what's your rating? The Heinz Beans will have to go back up to 1.1. Oh no. This is... Double figures. And this one? If you're doing it out of 100. It's 0.1. 0.1? Yeah. You've had something worse than that. I did, yes. The pizza that ranks highest. Not again! Not again! Goodfellas is back! Not again! It's highest in the rankings of "looks like vomit" category. We have a vegan stone baked... Is that Indian falafel? Falafel. Of course it's falafel. It is baked on Italian stones. Yeah, but it's not! Wow, how is it somehow getting worse? Uh, the smell. You don't have to fold this. Look at this. Oh, there you go. Yeah, it's amazing. It's amazing. Cheers. Okay. Very weird. That tastes like what every non-vegan thinks vegan food tastes like. Again, it doesn't feel like pizza. In our personal opinion, we don't love it. That doesn't mean it's not made with respect. I will weigh in on the fact that that was terrible. It was bad, it was really bad. So this one, at the moment, a 0.3. 0.3? Think of your expectations. Raise them. Okay. Okay. Chicago Town pizza subs. Oh my gosh. I've never heard him sigh in exasperation. I didn't know this existed. What is this? So deeply. Pizza sub. Chicago town is one of our favourite university days frozen pizza brands. So you ate this stuff? That looks like garlic bread. It looks like garlic bread with toppings. It looks great. Garlic bread with pizza toppings. Okay. I'm down for this. Why are you holding it out like that? What’s that face? You know. You've watched too much JOLLY! Dagnabbit. Why is it so crispy? Very crispy on the bottom. Nice and soft and doughy in the middle. That's the best we've had today. No way. That's the winner. A hundred percent. Tell me you wouldn't get that. That's just good. That is good. That is really good. That takes me straight back to my university days. How is that that good? That's good memories. I don't know man, it's so weird. How is this a pizza? It's basically fancy garlic bread. It's like garlic bread but with a few added ingredients. I'm gonna have to say it's not bad. It's better than you were expecting. This is a major turnaround for them. I was ready to slate this. Yeah. I'm 100% gonna buy this. Why? You wouldn't have this? I wouldn't buy this. I'm saying it's not bad. I would make this. Is it better? Is that one better? It's smoky! Oh wow. Oh my gosh. Wow. Straight in the middle. That was bold. Not bad. You wanted to hate it. I know. The thing is. You wanted to hate it. If you're saying it's actually not bad. I think it means it's actually really good. It's not bad. We all know you want to hate it. So what would you rate it, Andrea? I'm gonna say the subs from Chicagotown, cheese and tomato. I don't know if it's better than Lewis Capaldi. Oh, okay. You know, Lewis Capaldi has not just the product. Has the whole attraction and aura and energy. Sexy meat. This one, Chicagotown, sounds like an underground video game. You know what I mean? Okay. Sounds like, you know. More like GTA, Chicagotown. Yeah, something like that. So what do I mean by that? This is a 3.3. 3.3. 3.3. Yeah, I would say 4.3. I'd give that a solid 4.3. And Lewis Capaldi is 6. I was kind because I love him. Ah, I see. Well, this has been an Italian chef reviewing British pizzas. Final thoughts? Can we not do that again?
