- Is a doctor smarter than a fifth grader? Eight years of school,
four years of high school, three years of college, four
years of medical school, three years of residency. I should be a pro and knock
these out of the park. Also, we're doing the million
(whooshing sound plays) dollar question from the actual show. (vocalizing an indistinct noise)
(string music sounds once) First grade question. I came to America in first
grade so this is gonna be easy. Human beings-
(chalk scratches) breathe with their lips (popping sound), lungs (popping sound),
liver (popping sound), or kidneys (popping sound)? This is easy. Lungs, final answer B. (chime sounds once) Which day (chalk scratching) was the first of the 20th century? Oh no, this is the one I'm bad at. I used to go to a store
called 21st Century. It was a discount clothing store. And I used to say, "What's gonna happen when
we hit the 22nd century?" So I think the century is
actually 100 years ahead. So the first day of the 20th century- (chalk scratching)
had to be the 1900s. B, final answer. (buzzer sounds twice) (screaming) No! What? In Russia, this is quite similar because let's say it's 9:15. In Russia, they say it's
15 (five droplets sound) minutes of the 10th hour. But if that's the same principle, January 1st, 1900, should be the first day of the 20th century. (chalk scratching) If you mix an equal amount of red paint with yellow paint, what
color does it make? God, I hate these questions. I'm basically color illiterate. I'm not colorblind. I'm color illiterate. I'm going to take this
the med school approach. It's not black. Purple
doesn't make a lot of sense. Brown doesn't make a lot of
sense. I think it's orange. C, final answer. (chime sounds once) Yeah! Imagine a clock. Imagining. The big hand is at 12. The little hand is at
seven. What time is it? God, I hate these. These all I'm thinking
is it's seven o'clock, but I feel like that's wrong. D, seven o'clock, final
answer. (chime sounds once) God, if I got that wrong and I
didn't know how to tell time, you should be worried. My patients should be worried. The following landmark is
located in what country? Yo. That's home baby. That's the Red Square,
Russia. (chime sounds once) Yeah, baby. (chalk scratching on board) Which number does the Roman
numeral X V I represent? Okay, I'm good at the basic versions of these Roman numerals. 10 (one drip sounds),
five (one drip sounds), and six (one drip sounds)
means 16, (one drip sounds), A, (chalk scratches), 16, final answer, (single chime sounds) Boom. Which mineral is responsible
for the formation of our bones? (happy dance noises sound) Whoever put oxygen on here was just trying to get someone to mess up and look bad. Final answer, (chalk scratching) you need calcium for your bones. (single chime sounds) Interestingly enough, (squeak) we actually use (droplet
sounds) our bones, as a source of calcium when we need it and don't
have it. (chime sounds) And there are certain conditions that affect certain hormones
like the parathyroid hormone, when imbalance can actually
lead to an over-breakdown of bones, pulling the
calcium away from them. (whoosh sounds) Cool story. How many-
(chalk scratching) adjectives are in the following sentence? Okay. Adjectives: describing words. Sometimes, bear gets
really hungry and drools all over his super crunchy dog food. Sometimes (squeak), that's
not a describing word. Actually (cowbell strikes),
could that be a describing word? Bear (squeak), is not an adjective. Gets (squeak), not an adjective. Really (squeak), Not an adjective. Hungry (squeak), not an adjective. Drools (squeak), all
(squeak), over (squeak), his super (chalk scrapes),
I think super is one, crunchy (squeak) two. Remember, I'm an immigrant. so I'm allowed to struggle with this. When I came to America,
the classes were done like one dash one meant
you were in the good class. One dash two, you were
in the mediocre class. One dash three, you
were really struggling. I went to one three,
two three, three three, and only in fourth grade
that I go to four one. So second grade, I'm still struggling. I'm going to say B (chalk
scrapes), two, final answer. (single chime sounds) Yes! Super crunchy. - [Sam] Extra credit. What
are the two adjectives? - Super and crunchy.
(squeaky scratch sounds) It's not? - [Sam] One is crunchy, and
the second one is hungry. Hunger would be a noun. You got it right! - I got it right. End of story. Grammar police, show us what's
up in the comments section. The following flag belongs to what nation? Not Germany, not Poland. I'm 94 1/2 percent sure it's Spain. (chalk scratch) (chime sounds) A hundred yards would be how many feet? At least it's not meters,
'cause that would be confusing. Three feet in a yard, a
hundred yards, 300 feet. So D (chalk scratches),
final answer. (chime sounds) Okay, good. At least I know how much I can throw. - [Sam] You can throw 100 yards? - Mm hun. (Sam laughs) (chalk scratches) Which president is this? Oh, this is so stressful. God, if I get it wrong, this
is going to be so embarrassing. Oh man. Lyndon B Johnson, Dwight
D Eisenhower, Gerald Ford. Okay. Eisenhower, I'm
pretty sure wore glasses. This guy looks like a Lyndon B Johnson, but I don't think it's
Lyndon B Johnson. (laughs) I'm leaning towards Gerald Ford, also 'cause it's a color image. I'm going to say D (chalk scratching), Gerald Ford, final answer.
(buzzer sounds twice) What? Eisenhower you wore glasses,
bro. Why are you lying? I really thought he was smaller than this. - [Sam] How can you tell his size? - I don't know. His head, his head size. I judge everyone on their
head size. (all laugh) What is the capital of Connecticut? God, at least you're not
asking me to spell Connecticut, cause that would be a disaster. I know it's not Danbury
cause Dan is from Danbury and I know that's
definitely not the capital. Look at this guy. God, it could be any of these. I just don't think it's Hartford cause it feels like it's Hartford which means that it's not
it. (crash sound plays) I'm going to say B-
(chalk scratching) New Haven. (buzzer sounds twice) No! It's Hartford. - [Dan] (laughing) You knew it? - [Dan] Well, yeah. - You couldn't wink? Which one is the one of the
great lakes? Come on, man. I don't even know if
there are great lakes. No, actually I know this,
it's the Great Salt Lake. There's no such thing as the
Great Salt Lake. (chime sounds) I knew that. Just cause
the choices are easy. - [Sam] There's no such
thing as The Great Salt Lake? - I mean, as part of The Great Lakes. If you ask me to name the other
great lakes, I would fail. Oh Michigan. (cowbell sounds) Oh Michigan. (Both laughing) - [Sam] There's the biggest-
- Ontario? - [Sam] That's right and
now one more! (bell dings) - Is that the biggest one? - [Sam] No, the biggest is
the one you haven't named. - Oh. It's over Wisconsin. - None of that helps me.
Give me the first letter. - [Sam] "S" - Lake Superior? - [Sam] There you go. - Oh, I needed a letter. - [Sam] The doc is in. - [Dan] This man is learned. - What is the fourth planet from the sun? This is terrible. (Dan laughing) This is terrible. Mars is closer to the sun than Earth. Saturn is not. Saturn is far. It has rings. Mercury is right after
(rising whistle sounds) the Earth? God, is Earth the fourth planet or is earth the fifth or third planet? Mars. (one chime sounds) Yes! I don't know. Earth is third? - [Sam] Earth is third. - Oh my God. Thank God I knew that. Was (droplet sounds) I correct in thinking that mercury is second? - [Sam] Mercury is first, so it's- - Oh Mercury, Jupiter, no. - [Sam] Jupiter is two?
You think Jupiter is two? - I don't know where Jupiter is at all. - [Dan] Jupiter is the largest, yeah? - [Sam] Mm hun, one of the
gaseous giants, as you well know. - That was my nickname. (electronic beep sounds) (chalk scratches) Blood cells are created
in our heart, arteries, intestines, or bones? Blood cells (droplet
sounds) go through our body because the heart beats, they (droplet sounds) travel
through little tunnels called arteries (droplet sounds). Those arteries sometimes
go to our intestines and allow us to poop. And finally (droplet sounds) blood is made (chalk scratches)
in our bones, (chime sounds) A K A, our bone marrow. (chalk scratching) (clock ticking) Bruno Mars lives on which layer of Earth? Oh no. Mantle, crust, stratosphere, mesosphere. It's not the crust. That's like the deep, (droplet
sounds) the deep south. The mantle is the hotspot.
I don't think that's it. I'm pretty sure the
stratosphere is one layer above, which is where like the planes fly. I think we live on the mesosphere, or is it the other way around? 'Cause I remember like when people used to like make fun of someone, they think (droplet sounds)
"Oh you have such a big ego, your head's in the stratosphere." So I'm going to say D, (chalk scratches) mesosphere, final answer.
(buzzer sounds twice) Crust? You don't live in the crust. - [Sam] We live on the crust. (crickets chirping) (test tone sounds once) Which one (chalk
scratches) of these states does not border Texas? Oh man, this is going to be embarrassing. New Mexico, Louisiana, Arkansas, Colorado. Louisiana (squeak) has
that L-thing going on. I feel like it's just, it's kind of like just
floating in the water. Colorado, It's cold there. See, I think this is a trick
question. (cowbell sounds once) You would think New Mexico
would be the answer, would not be the answer, but New Mexico is probably one state apart from it, it is the
one that is not touching. I'm gonna go Mexico, New
Mexico, final answer. (buzzer sounds twice) I knew it was cold in Colorado. What part of the human body
contains the smallest bones? The spine (droplet
sounds) has a vertebrae. The hands (droplet sounds) have carpals. The feet (droplet sounds) have tarsals, and the ears (droplet
sounds) have the stapes. Ears, (chalk scratches) A, final
answer. (chime sounds once) The Statue of Liberty (chalk scratches) was a gift to the United
States from which country? I've actually been in the
Statue of Liberty, in the crown, which I don't think they
allow people to do that. I did that in like 1996, 97. It was from France. (chime sounds) And I believe the entire
thing, is it made from copper? (chime sounds) Am I making that up? A tamarin is a type of, is
it a bird? Is it a shark? Is it a dog? It's a monkey. Okay. It's definitely not
a dog. (cowbell sounds) I know all dogs. It could be
a shark. (wood blocks sound) It could also be a bird. I
know nothing about birds. A monkey, a tamarin. (cowbell sounds) Oh, that's a tamarin monkey. I'm thinking of like a
copperhead shark for some reason. And I'm thinking that
another name for a copperhead is a tamarin, but a tamarin
could also be a monkey. But why I've never heard of
that monkey is very unique, because I've heard a lot
of different monkeys. Like I've been to a lot
of monkey locations. I'm going to say monkey. D,
(chalk scratches) final answer. (chime sounds) Yeah. I love monkeys. Here's (droplet sounds) a
picture of me with a monkey. What is (chalk scratches) the first element on the Periodic Table? Oh, I think I know this one though. Hydrogen, Helium, Carbon, or Oxygen? Hydrogen. I think it's
found in every living thing. Hydrogen, A, (chalk scratches)
final answer. (chime sounds) Yeah. Part of a person's sleep
cycle is called the REM cycle. What does REM stand for? Rapid Eye Movement,
Random Eye Manipulation. (laughs) Sounds painful. (screams) Renal Entry Mandate, and
a Rapid Ear Malfunction. Aw, so it's actually Rapid
Eye Movement. (chime sounds) And if anyone ever has
seen someone's eyes lift up while they're going through this, the eyes will (random rapidly
oscillating effect sounds) What are the three states of matter? Solid, liquid, gas baby. (chime sounds) (Laughs demonically) (tone plays) (chalk scratches) What is the smallest prime number? I believe when they say a prime
number is anything that is- (ascending whistle playing) if you divide it by itself
(cowbell strike plays) (indistinct) But I remember like
whatever the definition is, it's other than zero and one. That it's only divisible by itself or one, that is not zero or one. So I think three (chalk
scraping) is the final answer. (buzzer sounds twice) Oh, two? I guess two is also only
divisible by two and one, Aw I knew the answer
and I didn't even read. This is why you don't rush kids. What is the human body's largest organ? Skin, liver, veins, bones. (laughs) Skin (chalk scrapes), final
answer. (chime sounds) Huge organ. Huge. What is the hardest mineralized
substance in the human body? Definitely not tooth enamel. Keratin I feel like is
what like (cowbell sounds) crab shells have inside of them. Ah, I'm so stuck between B
and C, and they always say, if you don't know the
answer, choose B or C, and I'm stuck between B or C. I'm going to say C (chalk
scratches), keratin, final answer. (buzzer sounds twice) Oh, it's tooth enamel? - [Sam] Tooth enamel. - What? Tooth enamel's soft. The dentists always say, "Don't brush so hard 'cause
you'll damage your enamel." What kind of hard mineralized substance gets destroyed by brushing
it a little bit hard? (phone ringing) - [Dr. Rubinshtein] Yo. - Doctor. - [Dr. Rubinshtein] Waddup brother? - What is the hardest
mineralized substance in the human body? - [Dr. Rubinshtein] Enamel? - Why is it enamel? But you told me enamel's soft, and I should not brush so hard because I'm destroying my enamel. - [Dr. Rubinshtein] You can
scratch your enamel, of course! Over time, when you scratch,
and you have acid erosion, it's a quantitative damage. It's not like one time and it's broken. - What about dentin? - [Dr. Rubinshtein] Very soft. That's why once you get
a cavity past enamel, which is like the skull
part of your brain. The dentin is like the brain. It's soft, it's mushy. - All right. Stop showing
off with your vocabulary. (vinyl record scratching)
(suspenseful music plays) Acadia National Park is
located in which US State? I don't know why am I
going to say North Dakota? I don't think that's the right answer. I'm going to think about
it for a second. Acadia. Is it California? Could be California. There's a bear (droplet sounds) on the California logo
(droplet sounds) of some kind. (exhales audibly) Why do I
want to say North Dakota? (soft music plays)
(heel thumping repeatedly) Is it North or South Dakota? Has anyone heard of this national park, if we're being honest? North Dakota, I'm going to go with my gut. - [Sam] Wow. You're going
to put 1,000,000 dollars on the line? - Yeah, North Dakota, final answer. - [Sam] What else do you
know about North Dakota, that would lead you to think this? (cowbell strikes)
- Not much. (droplet sounds) I don't really know what
goes on in North Dakota. (bison moaning) (birds crying) What's a hint that you can
give me without giving it away? - [Sam] Acadian National Park - No, Acadia-
- is on the east coast. No. Oh, you're going to say
New York, I'm going to cry. It's New York, isn't it? - [Sam] Let's press
that button. (slaps leg) - Maine. (buzzer sounds) (chalk scratches) Who would know that? - [Sam] You got, (drum roll) (chime) - What? I did terribly. - [Sam] You got a C! - Yeah, but some of the
questions were wrong. - [Sam] Oh? - Like the century
question is clearly wrong. (general laughter) - [Sam] That's, how it works. - Nickelodeon medical
scenes reactions here. Who knew medicolodeon, medicolodeon. Who knew Nickelodeon had
medical scenes in it. SpongeBob is quite the
doctor. Not going to lie. Check that out. And as always, stay happy, and healthy. SpongeBob, Squidward, or Mr. Krabby Patty? Who is more medically accurate? Find out here. (upbeat music plays)
But the doctor is a 5 year old :|