In Plain Sight: Forced and Child Marriage in America | Kate Ryan Brewer | TEDxOmaha

I dare you one of the most powerful phrases in the English language it's not a question it's not even a it's not a demand it's a challenge and it's usually uncomfortable at least in my personal experience and not just because there might be people watching or maybe your personal dignity is at stake it's uncomfortable because it's a push so about three years ago I was dared to do something but I'll set the scene I was living in Washington DC with my husband and I was working in communications for a nonprofit that helps women and girls facing gender-based violence now I'm a writer and filmmaker by trade but I recently switched gears to advocacy to deal with issues I really care about this organization I work for addresses everything from human trafficking to domestic violence to forced marriage and child marriage in the United States okay so we know that forced marriages and child marriages are a problem when we think of them we tend to imagine places like Southeast Asia or the Middle East right well before I worked for this organization I didn't realize that forced and child marriage is happening here in the United States because the women and girls it's happening to are from all different communities from every socio-economic cultural ethnic religious and non-religious background you can think of I mean it's happening in big cities in suburbs in small towns it's happening in the house across the street hiding in plain sight and surprise it's legal that's right child marriage is still legal in 48 states New Jersey and Delaware are the only two states to have banned marriage under age 18 and only just in 2018 I mean I used to think of myself as a relatively well-informed person how did I miss this honestly now that I've come to recognize it for what it is it makes me wonder what else I'm not seeing that's right in front of me what else we are not seeing so anyway I'm out my job one day and I get an email a media request a production company wants to film a young girl being forced into marriage right up to her wedding day because and I quote it would make for compelling reality TV a traumatizing human rights abuse with lifelong consequences such as rape domestic violence mental and physical health issues would make for good entertainment and it occurred to me these people don't even realize what they're asking and that wasn't even the only email like that we got so cut to that night and I'm venting to my husband about it and I said something along the lines of hell I could make a documentary showing people why it's wrong he simply said why don't you what I heard was I dare you a challenge and so I did and my world cracked open as a filmmaker framing is everything I mean you choose every single detail to manipulate perspective to tell a certain story but how do you tell a story that isn't yours to tell this was a new one for me instead of inventing worlds I was diving into someone else's well the answer I found was to listen to survivors of forced marriage I mean really listen they revealed a world of manipulation and abuse happening all around us and protected by our own laws and magical thinking about the institution of marriage I heard about grown men marrying children as a way out of statutory rape charges learning that the age at which that man can marry that child drops even lower in many states if the girl was pregnant I heard about families forcing their daughters underage or not to marry a man of the parents choosing or face terrible consequences I heard about rape on wedding nights and on many nights after I heard about the violence they experienced at the hands of their husbands and the pain and isolation that came when they begged to get out asked for help and were told by their families or communities you chose him this is on you make it work I heard the anguish in their voices when after escaping their own personal hell rebuilding from nothing and now advocating to change the laws to protect vulnerable children they were told closing the loopholes would be really unfair to the sixteen-year-old girls who feel genuine affection for 50-year old men and a lot of 16 year-olds are really mature and if she's old enough to have sex she's old enough to get married these are actual excuses from legislators for why they chose not to end a world recognized human rights abuse in their state so picture a girl she's 16 she should be thinking about what she wants to be when she grows up have that maybe a programmer but a grown man has taken advantage of her abused her and now she's pregnant her family thinks well she'll be better off if she's married the baby will have two parents the father won't go to jail for rape and now she's 17 well the friend she once had her sending out their college applications she's stuck at home with the baby she has no high school degree no job no prospects the welts on her arms from yesterday when she didn't fold the laundry right or still raw oh and she gets her braces off next months in the eyes of Allah she's still a child so she can't go to most domestic violence shelters she'd be considered a runaway she can't apply for a divorce until she's 18 because contracts with minors are legally voidable with the exception of you guessed it marriage have you ever heard the term shotgun wedding yeah how about cradle robber now I want you to think about the context in which you heard those phrases was it in an article maybe at a party or in a tweet now I want you to replace shotgun wedding with forced marriage replace cradle robber with pedophile feels different huh words have power images have power it's easy to be complacent with parts of our culture it is hard to dig into the complicated truths they come from its confrontational it's painful it's also necessary because that's where it starts to change something you first have to be able to see it have to be able to call it by its name what you do beyond that that's up to you making this documentary open my eyes to the truth about forced and child marriage in the United States that it hides in plain sight that we have trouble understanding it and an even harder time simply calling it what it is marriage is not a magical fix all it does not transform children into responsible adults with fully formed reins and the ability to protect themselves and it does not transform abusers into loving partners when a form of violence becomes a punchline to a joke we're all complicit in validating it one of the survivors in the film told me that she used to think the only way out of this horrible life she was stuck in would be to die young fortunately she didn't die she escaped and she now runs an organization helping other individuals facing these terrible situations but all of this is just one issue the one I happen to train my lens on but one of many things we find it difficult to see or even to name when things get messy our instincts say look the other way it's hard to push against those boundaries to break them open to look beyond it what is right in front of us and it's going to hurt like cleaning out a wound that never properly healed but the clarity and compassion you find on the other side is always worth it so look I don't know what that thing is for you I don't know what the next push is for me either but what I do know is that if it's not uncomfortable you haven't found it yet so this is my challenge to you to all of us keep pushing I dare you thank you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 17,264

Rating: 4.9181819 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Global Issues, Change, Film, Law, Love, Society, Women's Rights

Id: 4dmv1Tbtw7I

Length: 10min 34sec (634 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 16 2019