I'm Arguing with Spouse About Budgeting!

chris is with us in Missouri hi Chris welcome to the Dave Ramsey show hi thanks for having me today sure what's up so I've recently started watching you on YouTube and on your app and following along with a lot of what you've been saying my problem is trying to talk to my wife about getting a budget and doing I would like to do that the seven baby steps but when we tried the Condor what did it sound like when we've talked about budgeting in the past how long ago anywhere from when we first started so I mean you just started watching our stuff have you talked to her since then no okay because it started and say every time we've done it it's done nothing but start a fight where does it fight where does the fight come from I I think part of its insecurity because she neither one of us had been great with money prior to this we were three years into a chapter 13 bankruptcy and we just recently where we thought we were about done with it just realized we've got about a year left because we were behind on it and it almost got cancelled on us so and that just added more stress on today so ordeal yeah so so Chris listen you guys have the nerd word is trauma you all have okay trauma around money and some people try to solve trauma by getting a plan and getting a why a strong why this will never happen again I am gonna go follow plan that millions of people have followed before and that's great man and that's where you happen to be you stumbled onto something that's a gift and it sounds like you are want to make some changes in your life that's gonna affect your family tree and that's awesome you going home to your wife and saying hey you know what we should probably be doing now is gonna set off every alarm she's got in her head because everything is going to be chapter 13 chapter 13 and I thought we were doing this and my husband told me we had a plan and then I but you don't I mean and so you're gonna have to circle back around they've you've been down this road before yep and Chris I can tell you in in your voice I'm not hearing a why I'm here another plan another thing okay and I may be wrong there but in my in my house the way it sounded was this Sharon said I don't want to hear another scheme I don't want her no scam great because because everything I've tried up to that point felt like a scheme or a scam to her and he were broke here we sit bankrupt with a brand-new baby a toddler and they're cutting the lights off and it terrified her in it damaged me it made me ashamed it made me feel guilty it made me feel inept but it terrified her so how do you how do you get past that fear well what what amounted to was is that any ideas that I had were not trustworthy because I had not been trustworthy worthy of trust because my actions brought nothing but crap and so and here I come with another truck you know as far as she's concerned that's what she was hearing and so it was by degrees and it was holding hands and saying I'm not coming to you with all the answers I'm coming to you and saying this house doesn't run well when it comes to money and so this how you and me baby we got to make some changes I found this thing would you walk into it with me investigate it with me and see if we can work this together and then she's not counting on you to have provided the answer because truthfully up to now your provision your the answers you provided have not been trustworthy that was true of me and that's not because you're a bad guy it's because you didn't know when you made mistakes well that makes you humans all okay so I'm not picking on you don't misunderstand I'm trying to give you her perspective and so what Sharon and I did was I said okay in our case we were faith people were Christians and I said okay what I found is this guy's teaching them what God says about money what the Bible says about money because what dave says about money sucks and I'm awful at it and so we are gonna learn this together and we are gonna walk out of this mess together and we are never going back in and then she walked into that and as she learned it as I learned it together then she wasn't looking at the plan through the lens of Dave she was looking at it through her own lens because she was beside me walking into this that's different then I've got a plan for us again does that make sense yeah yeah I think that in in Chris I hear in your voice this can you just get over it can we just get on with it and Dave I don't want to speak into into you and Sharon's life but my guess is if there's a couple of weeks of not talking about something or if maybe a couple of months at this point or if you mention a couple of things or if she if Sharon happens to see a real estate magazine open at a hotel you know that those alarms are gonna go off no matter how far away how many zeros are in your checking account so Chris when is she just gonna get over it probably never it will be small and it will it will it will turn into a trickle and yeah what your trust will grow but man people don't grieve at the same pace and the more you say why don't you just why don't you just man that just builds a deeper and deeper wedge in your relationship you're in this together man you know you're in it together so one struck once Humpty Dumpty's busted once trust is busted it's hard to rebuild it it takes time and I mean you think about if if I've got a team member here and they they misbehave in a certain area and I go well okay I can't trust him in the same level and I don't hold that against him for five years but I am going to be watching them for that behavior until they prove that that behavior is not a pattern in their life and so it takes time of the two of you working together and the more distance you put between yourself and the past stupidity the more the trust is being rebuilt and so my stoop my super stupid eye my PhD in D um be that I got was you know thirty years ago and so it's in the distant rearview mirror there's still tender spot still scars in our relationship from it but it's I'm much more worthy of trust now and have proven it thirty years worth versus the seven prior to that look celebrating 38 years this week as a matter of fact gradually Sam and she tells us that you know we've got thirty good years America [Laughter]

Channel: The Ramsey Show - Highlights

Views: 74,531

Rating: 4.8964076 out of 5

Keywords: the dave ramsey show, budget money debt cash, real estate, insurance, how to make money, dave ramsey, save, credit card, compound interest, buying house, buy, snowball, I'm Arguing with Spouse About Budgeting!, budget, money and marriage, marriage and money, debt, personal finance, money, finances, marriage, budgeting, ramsey, how to budget, finance, relationship advice, money in marriage

Id: Kh8_urgZ3Ys

Length: 8min 1sec (481 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 03 2020