If He's Sending Mixed Signals, Text Him THIS

are you in a situation with someone where when you are with them it feels amazing you feel connected to this person you feel like they shower you with a tension they are there they're excited they can't get enough of you and then when you're apart you feel like you don't exist you don't get their attention they barely communicate with you it gets very very cold it creates a kind of crazy making scenario where you feel like you're living in two completely different worlds the one where this person is extremely into you and then this complete other reality where it doesn't seem like this person is thinking about you at all in this video I'm gonna walk you through some classic mistakes to avoid in this scenario and I'm going to give you two very specific text messages to get you out of it now before I do make sure you like this video subscribe to this Channel and hit the notification Bell literally right now hit the like button if by the end of the video you've decided I don't like it you can always unlike it but for now like it let's talk for a moment about a classic mistake that people make in this scenario and they use it as justification to keep going with this person now the problem is there's a big difference between attention and intention attention is when someone is just giving us attention and looking for a tension when they want to experience something romantically intention is when I have a vision for myself romantically when I actually see myself creating something building something and when someone goes hot and cold in this way what they're showing you is they're all about attention but not intention when they disappear that's a massive red flag and the reason it's a red flag is because it says I'm interested in having a romantic experience with you but I'm not interested in making romantic progress with you think about it when someone goes cold what do they say are the excuses I'm busy with work I'm busy with friends I'm busy with family I'm busy with my hobbies but what that tells you is they are busy with their priorities they are busy with things that they want to move the ball forward on things they want to progress I want to progress my business which is why it's getting my time I want to progress my friendships which is why they're getting time I want to progress my skill in this hobby which is why it's getting my time so buying that logic you have to then say the reason you're not hearing from them is because their romantic life with you is not something they're trying to progress it's just something they want to experience in moments that are convenient to them the second mistake people make is mirroring that person's behavior in a situation like this now a lot of people do this feeling like they're following things I've said over the years so for example many people have heard me if you followed me for a long time you know that I've said many times invest in who invests in you don't invest in someone based on how much you like them invest in someone based on how much they invest in you so then what happens is someone says well he was great when we were together but now he's gone cold so I'm going to stop investing because he's not investing in me so they mirror that behavior and they go cold too the problem is it actually ends up giving that person exactly what they might want especially if they're a player type if they're an avoidant then they get exactly what they want in that scenario oh well I can call them up when I want to see them have an amazing time have all that passion because you reward that investment right oh he wants to see me now reward that investment by seeing him but when I'm not with her she doesn't bother me this is perfect right so the danger is you actually end up playing into their hands in that way or something equally bad happens which is you going cold ends up attracting exactly the kind of guy you want to avoid the player who or the avoidant who gets turned on gets attracted to you suddenly going cold and withdrawing the person that gets excited by you withdrawing is the person who's energized by The Game and of course the problem with that is if you set up that Dynamic that game doesn't stop the moment you turn around to meet them they're not interested when you turn away and withdraw again they come for you so now you get stuck in that cycle so how do you break that cycle how do you apply what I've always said which is invest in who invests in you within the context of the situation of the person who's going hot and cold we have to be willing to withdraw our attention but with direct communication about what we don't like in their behavior so what we're doing is taking the opportunity not just to withdraw but to educate them on why we're withdrawing now it doesn't make sense to do this if someone isn't reaching out to you for a date right because there's nothing to withdraw from in order to educate them on why you're withdrawing they have to be making an ask now the ask may be I really want to see you this weekend or it might be I miss you how is I miss you and ask well it's an ask for attention right I'm asking for you to give me validation back and tell me you miss me when someone makes an Ask that's your moment to communicate how you're feeling and the Reason by the way that people don't communicate how they're feeling is because they want to play this kind of cool girl or in a man's case cool guy the danger of playing cool girl is that it attracts the wrong guys it also doesn't model the kind of behavior that would reveal the right guys it doesn't give the right guys something to see and go oh this is exactly what I've been looking for this is exactly the vulnerability and the integrity and the character that I've been looking for you become invisible to the kinds of people who want the relationship that deep down you crave so here's what we're gonna do this person after a week or two weeks of being cold and distant suddenly pops up again and sends you a message they may say I've been thinking about you I would love to see you here's what you send back if I'm being honest I'm a little surprised you want us to go on another date I haven't felt like we've been that close recently as I've not heard from you very much I guess I just assumed we weren't in the same place as each other what I like about this text is that it's not you're not expressing all of this upset and all of this sadness about where it's gotten to there's something a bit matter of fact about it like I'm surprised to hear from you because I haven't felt that close to you it's almost past tense already you know I I guess I just assumed we weren't in the same place there's a matter of factness about that it's not I've been sitting here ruminating over the fact that we're not in the same place it's just based on your actions I already put you into a not that important category now we can quite easily figure out what someone might send in response to that the instinct is to be a little defensive and to say oh I'm sorry I've been really busy recently I have a lot going on right now you know it's been a really busy time let's say he throws out some excuses like that now is your opportunity to educate him on what your standards are I totally get it I have a lot going on too so I know what it's like but something I really value is consistency you and I have such a good time together but I don't feel like we're very connected when we're apart here's why this works firstly it's showing empathy and understanding right you're applying a compassionate lens to the fact that he has a lot going on but you're also saying I get it because I'm also busy it's not like I have nothing going on and you have loads going on and that's why I don't feel like there's enough communication it's that I'm willing to make time for communication in spite of the fact that I have a lot going on you then go on to say but something I really value is consistency so now you're very explicitly stating something you value and you're pointing out the fact that he's been anything but consistent and that is why you feel distant and that's why you can't just jump into being flirtatious and arranging a date you then say you and I have such a good time together that's the warmth that's the moment where you get to say hey I am acknowledging that it's awesome when it's great between us but I don't feel like we're very connected when we're apart and I use the word we're I don't feel like we're very connected there because you're not pointing the finger you're saying I just don't feel like we're very connected when we're apart so there's still a we in this you're inviting him to step up and be better but you're not doing it in a way where you're pointing fingers I'll say this at this juncture in order to send this text with any integrity and with any potency you need to be ready to lose this person before you send it otherwise what however well you do at sending these messages I've crafted your response after that will soften and show weakness and show that this standard isn't real it's just a tactic and before you know it you will have undone any respect and attraction that is created by this bold communication ultimately you have to decide which category of person you want to be in in this person's life do you want to be another person they live in their wake or do you want to be the person that says this is what I need and if I don't get that I'm not going to invest my time and energy in you now that may not convert the wrong guy into the right guy but it does have the potential to stop the right guy in his tracks when he sees an uncommon standard that is worth living up to did you enjoy the message that I gave in this video did it feel helpful do you want 67 more just like that that can help you actually move your situation with someone forward instead of getting stuck in the phase you're in well if you do I have a program called the momentum texts now before you click off the video because I know you're about to you you know you've enjoyed the video and you're like next it's seven dollars is and if you're sick and tired of getting stuck in this casual phase of dating or getting stuck on the apps and endless texting that never results in real dates or dates that never evolve into an actual relationship if you're so tired of it you could throw a shoe then go over to momentum texts.com it's right here there's the link I care about it so much I'm shoeless go check it out momentum texts.com it's got something for everybody and it's seven dollars that's mental seven dollars you know how long this program took me to create seven dollars you know what no no you can't have it Jameson take the link off the screen enough it's too much I tell you what if I find out a single one of these people has gone to momentum text.com I'll throw a shirt at you

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 547,025

Keywords: Matthew Hussey, Matt Hussey, Get The Guy, How to Get the Guy, Dating Advice for Women, attract men, keep your man, dating coach, relationship coach, relationship tips, what men want, make him like you, make him love you, how to talk to men, how to attract men, meet men, get the guy, tips for women, flirting tips, texting, calling, love advice, relationships, matt hussey, matthew hussy, mathew hussey, how to flirt

Id: CtsxMcgVq-A

Length: 12min 14sec (734 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 02 2022