Identity Shifting: How to OUTGROW your problems (4 Life Paths)

Carl Yun once famously said that your biggest problems in life cannot be solved they must be outgrown talk about a shower thought your biggest problems in life cannot be solved they must be outgrown we're going deep today guys I mean you know when we bust out the charts with these beautiful Graphics if I must say so myself look at this we got uh fire and brimstone today if God don't want guns why he say so in the Bible Southern and everything let's go Prosperity Gospel you know what God wants you to have a Ferrari you fly that jet he wants you you're likely in a stage of life right now that you once would have traded to be in you know once I graduate high school all my problems will go away I can't wait to be in college boom you get into college and you start missing high school once I'm out of college and I I don't have to deal with this homework thing anymore you know I can get a corporate gig and have adult money you're in a corporate gig you look back on College those are the best days of your life okay once I get married that'll solve my problems you get married and you have more problems than you've ever had in your entire life this is the bitter pill we all need to swallow the problems don't go away they change forms and so in this video I want to walk you through my theory of four life paths and your perspective on problems will literally dictate the next 20 years for you I can't underline this enough how important it is for you to check your approach when it comes to problems expectations and your life oh briefly I should explain the chart just so you know what you're looking at so if you rank ordered all your Vibes throughout the year we could put them on a scale of positive 10 toga 10 positive 10 this is heaven you're like on Cloud9 you're euphoric you just got a $10,000 raise you just met the love of your life you just hung around family for a week and you loved it that's a positive 10 Peak experience you vacation love and life - 10 this is I mean maybe you've experienced this hopefully you haven't I personally have this is Hell on Earth nothing's working you're in a pit of despair you're in a deep depression when is this going to end and then right here in the middle we have nothing's good nothing's bad this is just neutrality okay first life path with problems this is what I call the low Vibe life you're oscillating between nothing being wrong and things being catastrophic this person's view on problems is that they're bad and I'm not supposed to be having any something is fundamentally wrong with me because of my problems because of how I feel when I wake up in the morning because of the feedback loop when I go to enter a conversation and people don't give me attention so that reconfirms why I'm bad with people and I deserve to be alone my whole life moreover they view their problems as unsolved I am this person I'm going to be this way forever life's a then you die right so this person is constantly in a state of either escapism trying to get away from their problems or Hedonism the Relentless pursuit of pleasure at all costs you know what the worst part about this is is that there's actually something called hedonic adaptation hedonic adaptation is like you ever gotten a TV okay I got one a couple months ago when we moved into this place and we went from like this you know humble 50in uh nothing crazy TV to like boom 70 in 75 in flat screen and TVs are cheap by the way I couldn't believe it it was like 500 bucks wasn't even expensive um so we got this new TV that's 75 in and dude for a week my neck is hurting cuz I'm looking at this like this thing is huge wow how might even be too big now I go to it turn it on watch Survivor and it's just my TV it is amazing how quickly we can adapt to good things same thing with the shower you ever gotten in a shower and it's super hot you're like how can anyone stand this then by the end you're like this thing ain't hot enough rank it up is that is that as high as it goes the research on this is pretty nuts one of my favorite authors and psychologist Dan Gilbert did this on how people adapt and adjust their happiness levels their scale of10 to positive 10 you know what found that paraplegics okay people who literally lose sensation in their limbs and lottery winners people who win Millions tens of millions of dollars which one would you say is happier well it depends if you ask them right after the good or bad thing happened to them of course the lottery Winner's Way happier but if you ask them after about a year two years what you find is they're about the same level that they have adapted both the negative back up to yeah this is just life now and you know what I can still be happy no matter what happened to me and this person the lottery winner backed down the Baseline yeah you know I'm rich it's just my day-to-day so why did that happen well I believe that there's a innate problem mechanism that we all have you have it I have it everybody you know has it where we're called to something bigger and that that negative pit of despair we have in our stomach when we're just hedonist that's our call to action that's your soul screaming dude you're not meant for this you're not meant to sit in a basement you're not meant to just brain rot for 18 hours a day and just like watch other people living life you're meant to get out there and live life you're meant to solve problems you're meant to uh overcome them and share them with people and help and contribute and that's what that depression feels like it's like I'm not contributing and how often do you hear it I want to live up to my purpose I want to to find my purpose that could be a much longer discussion but you don't actually find your purpose you create it you could even go so far as to say your purpose finds you you know a lot of times the things that we're passionate about uh we just try once and we stick with it and we kind of slip into it that was the case for me in music that was the case for me in Drums that was the case for me in YouTube and teaching so I know we're spending time on this first one but it's so important because people think that once I get rid of all my problems or once I can do whatever want all day or once I have no rules and responsibilities like that's Freedom that's what people say like oh I want freedom you know but like you don't actually want that what you want is not to get sucked into that deep hedonic pit of despair cuz that's not going to feel good for you you're going to have something in your soul to go bigger to contribute to live up to your purpose and that's what the next three bring us into so what's number two well this is someone who oscillates between neg5 you know things H it's not terrible but it could be better to neutral yeah nothing's good or bad weekend was decent to feeling good those two weeks of vacation are coming up this person just kind of stays in a very contained human spectrum of emotions this is called the unexamined life so people who never go deeper and question what they're really here to do do or you know they play it safe their entire 80 years on the planet and they never really take any risks and so they never really experience any heartbreaks or massive failures but they also don't really feel alive like they have those level 10 oh my God this is what I'm meant to do their Mantra is ignorance is bliss that's their view on problems ignorance is bliss they don't try to solve or outgrow their problems they just sit in the background and uh try to ignore them so what does this cause this causes a lot of distraction like Behavior see we went over the pursuit of pleasure Hedonism and what that does just sucks you down deeper and deeper this person has the pursuit of comfort and I think we live in a world now that's obsessed with being as comfortable as possible now we're not obsessed with being as pleasurable as possible cuz that would suck you down but Comfort can be a sneaky trap in itself I'll give you a personal story on this I realized a lot of my 20s I wasn't actually happy I was distracted and it was because I was uh I had a drinking problem for pretty much my whole 20s some of you may be thinking well who doesn't in your 20 go to an American college system let me tell you what happened when I got into my 30s and I stopped drinking and now I'm almost a thousand days without it is I realized how bored I was and how I was using alcohol to give me these like euphor what I thought were euphoric highs and Peak experiences um you know with people I drink and loosen up and life of the party and you know super charismatic and come alive and then it switched to me drinking alone as an escape of the stress of jobs and running a business and the uncertainty that comes from being an entrepreneur where your future is in your own hands and that can be hard to deal with and anytime I would feel a sense of anxiety come up I would just drink and suppress it down and so it was my way of comforting myself that ooh there's a feeling here that's a wrong feeling let me drink and now that feeling is gone and when I quit I realized how bored I got wasn't even that I missed alcohol I just missed like how time would pass when you drink and you can stay in one location for 4 hours with people that you just met and you know boom it's like time travel you hop on a plane the flight attendant hooks up with the double we're already here 3 hours are you kidding me best flight ever crying to airplane movies and when I removed the drinking what I found is that deep sense of boredom was really just suppressed anxiety and so over the course of the year I've really been working with that and kind of moved into this uh life path which I'll share with you at the end here so the Relentless pursuit of comfort that we have um of distracting ourselves you know you look at social media what is that it's a distraction it's literally just scrolling boom pay attention to this this thing outrage this thing's entertaining here's a dog that can talk here's a bird that can talk I worry about being too deep in these videos cuz on YouTube if you are more I guess mainstream superficial you get way more reach but I I think you can handle it if you're still here this is like super super super deep okay but I realized when I stopped drinking and I woke up and I didn't run or suppress anymore a a lot of what I experienced that I would label as happiness was just relief what I thought I was running towards I was actually running away from it wasn't like oh I made a lot of money yes this is exactly what I wanted it was oh thank God I'm not broke thank God I don't have to move back into my mom's base thank God I don't I'm not trapped anymore for some people this is not Euphoria like oh I love this person I'm in a relationship it's thank God I'm not alone it is amazing how different the feeling is um I've talked spoken about this at length with my coach and he described it beautifully he's like Clark If someone holds your head underwater and you're like gasping for air and struggling around as soon as you come up that feeling right there feels amazing doesn't it you know you feel euphoric you've been deprived of oxygen you breathe it in you light up you feel like the world's open to you that's not happiness that's relief CU you've been deprived of something for so long when you finally get it you're tempted to call that happiness but that's just your natural state that's relief right there you're getting what you should have gotten all along and we have right now which is oxygen sometimes getting what you want shows you that oh maybe that wasn't it you know and this is why you hear stories time and time again of I had it all I still wasn't happy right like that's a cliche in Hollywood for a reason because a lot of the times the goals we set don't actually make us happy they make us relieved oh God I'm not broke oh God I'm not a failure oh God that finally worked out for once so it's very very different and if you don't go after this you just go after this you're going to experience distractions and you're going to experience relief I get two weeks off from my job I feel relieved I had a problem but I solved it really quickly okay panic mode off I'm relieved it's this very limited spectrum is what I'm trying to say with this existence tying it back to the theme of our video if you just try to solve your problems that's not what's going to make you light up you have to outgrow them and outgrowing is also outgrowing and evolving past this spectrum now I know what you are thinking you're thinking that this life right here is going to be predictable that it's just going to be from here to here and that's why you got to pursue self-improvement so you can just be Bliss out no problems everything's going your way you're on cloud n well that my friend is actually looks like this most like positive videos like this would say and that's our goal and you can do that when you look at yourself and you get growth and now you never have any problems you know when you raise your Vibe and you just stay there permanently uh your whole life is open and like I used to say that I used to say things when I was very early on in my coaching and understanding of of life and I didn't really have much life experience I used to think that was the goal but I quickly learned how this sets you up for misery if this is your expectation your life will look more like this because this person says I have a problem and if I can just get rid of this my whole life is fixed something's fundamentally wrong with me anytime I have a problem that's a sign that I'm not in this and they beat themselves up and they self attack like no other or worse this person gets in a relationship and they their expectation is this all the time and so they get in a relationship and when they start fighting they say oh this ain't it you know I'm not supposed to fight with the person uh that's my soulmate that's my twin flame we're not supposed to fight this person's not it and so they jump to the next one next one next one and as the saying goes wherever you go there you are not realizing that they were 50% of 100% of the fights that they were in not not everybody's a narcissist okay in fact very few people uh fit the clinical definition of narcissism but it's a word we throw out now when something doesn't work out to absolve ourselves of taking any of the blame I know that's very hard to hear that's a punch in the gut if you're finding the same problems showing up over and over and over again it takes a big person to look in the mirror and say you know what maybe it's me maybe there's something I'm contributing to this maybe what I'm getting so triggered by is a projection of my shadow and it's that I see myself in that person and maybe everybody's a projection of my shadow so when I look at people online arguing and being crazy maybe I have some of that in me and if I analyze and audit all my conversations oh maybe the ones that weren't recorded I was that crazy person but like I'm seeing a recorded version of it online and it's triggering to me and now I can point the finger and laugh instead of point the finger back at myself there's a saying anytime you point the finger what do you got three pointing back at you the fantasy life oh once I get rid of all my problems or I win the lottery or I get rich then I never have to think about money doesn't exist let me tell you I've been every single stage of the financial Spectrum uh dirt broke literally negative net worth like negative $30,000 I know what Panic comes from that and what especially being a man who's supposed to be the provider and supposed to be able to pay for things and you know all all the uh societal pressure that comes on you I know you felt it if you're a guy to make money and not having that and just feeling like a loser and then seeing other people take what I labeled at the time easier paths and being jealous of them it sucks it really sucks going on a date and hoping that she orders chicken instead of steak because it's like $3 Less on the menu right and you're like oh man come on please order chicken please order chicken having a fantasy that once you make a lot of money once you become a millionaire or whatever your goal is then you never have money issues not the case not the case at all insurance is expensive protecting your assets is expensive realizing to make a lot of money it costs a lot of money and expensive team expensive overhead I know some entrepreneurs who say they make 200 Grand a month but they're spending 180 on overheads team and ads one dial isn't tuned correctly and boom you're out 180 Grand next month like this you're playing at a different level this stuff goes fast Health you know once I get a six-pack once I get uh my wedding weight that I was in high school or whatever it is then I can finally chill with working out it's not the case people get in and out of shape all the time that that dream body sometimes isn't a dream to maintain it's hard it's limiting and a lot of these self-improvement videos I think sometimes can give you this Fantasy Life that it's one and done like once you do it you never you know the effort stops and that's just simply not true and you don't want it to stop cuz then life would be ultimately boring yet all marketing will sell you this and you're like oh I don't consume much marketing social media platforms are nothing but marketing I mean there's education obviously on there you know Tik toks and Instagrams like it's just marketing marketing marketing that fantasy fantasy fantasy and we know this with Instagram you know is that whole uh expectation vers reality Santorini Greece and the expectations like like beautiful ocean white rooftops blue like your eyes and then the reality it's like a bunch of like smoking tourists who sprayed a whole bottle of cologne wearing Express with popped collars and forace shades walking around hey you mind taking a photo of us okay thanks man that's much of life okay much of life is people selling you a fantasy and don't buy into it cuz then you're going to think something's wrong with me I have problems other people don't that's not the case at all so I just want to be INF Ely clear this is a myth and this is a fantasy life and this doesn't exist a lot of people perpetuating I'm perfect my life's great I did this one thing and changed forever if they're not forthcoming with their own struggles with their own problems with things they still struggle with it's a lie that's why in videos I talk about drinking that's why in videos I talk about anxiety how I still struggle today with a lot of this you know so like a relationship coach that says they never fight and they're just perfect and they're blissed out 24/7 those are the ones in a Year's time who announce that they're getting a divorce versus the ones uh you can look at who like give seminars that are keeping it real they're like you know my husband still want to rip his head off why' I marry the like those are the couples right there that are real and and it's not this it looks more like you ready for the last one this right here the full spectrum of everything you can experience it looks more like this this is how life looks that you're allowing yourself to feel everything this person views problems they're unsolvable this person views problems ignorance is bliss this person views problems I'm not supposed to have any where's my fantasy this person views problems as an opportunity for growth your biggest problems in life cannot be solved they can only be outgrown when you pursue growth this is what it actually looks like allowing yourself to feel everything not resisting not suppressing not escaping not withdrawing this is what I would call The Virtuous life I actually didn't call that I stole it from the stoics is it plagiarizing if it's 2,000 years old when do we draw the line the stoics called this The Virtuous life and that problems are opportunities for growth that the only thing worth pursuing is not Hedonism cuz you adapt is not fantasies cuz they don't exist is not the unexamined life Socrates said that's not worth living it's virtue Buddha said the root of all suffering is desires and people can take that really far like with drawing from society shaving their head meditating in a cave and thinking that anything I desire is suffering so if I just have nothing then I'll be blissed out I actually have a different take on that I think it's five words the root of suffering you know what it is this should not be happening this should not be happening that immediately puts you into a state of resistance and resistance shrinks Your Capacity to feel and expand as a person this person has an anti fragile mindset that it doesn't matter what happens to me you can kick me around you can uh be rough with me like a package and I'm not going to break I'm anti- fragile and I think a lot of the mental health problems we have today are from a state of fragility where someone said something to me and it broke me so now I need a safe space because language is breaking me he tweeted something mean and now I'm broken I felt like quitting my job so I just told my boss you know he's he's crazy and I don't need nothing from it I did it cuz I felt like it like that's all emotional reasoning which is a cognitive distortion if you look at CBT cuz your emotions change like the wind you need to have some Roots you need to have some values you need to have some principles that's what stoicism teaches what are the values you're operating from what are the problems you're actually pursuing so you can outgrow them and become better not be fragile and stay indoors all day I got good news for you God didn't design you to be this fragile person who can't tolerate anything God didn't design you to sit in your basement jerk off 50 times a day and Order Uber Eats and just you know check out a life and say okay this is what it is I guess this is my life know God designed you with all the emotions in the human spectrum and if you're feeling the lower ones right now that's that that should light the fire under your ass say enough I don't want to feel like this what why is my life this way it should piss you off we label anger as bad and terrible and he needs anger management but sometimes it can light a fire under you and you can use it get angry with where you're at why is my life I'm going to make it better that's what I did when I was in my mom's basement I was like I don't want this why why are other people able to have certain things why why not me and I flipped the language from why not me like that's fragile language right there to why the not me antifragile language you have so much more power than you realize Ralph FDO Emerson said that God will not have his work be manifest by cowards Abraham maslo has a different take on this he's the guy who came up with the hierarchy of needs where you move from basic needs like survival emotions Community to like higher ones and the highest one is self-actualization and then even higher than that he came out updated it and said self Transcendence where you give to something greater than yourself he says that one one can be one must be so what you can be your potential you have to be otherwise there's always going to be a part of you that screams like your head's underwater gasping for oxygen this ain't it I need something different and then finally when you start taking risks watch the synchronicities come into your life like you don't even need to know how right now well how is this going to work out if I post a YouTube video like it's just going to be a waste of a weekend right I don't know how you know if I had said that back when I was in my early 20s not even this channel okay not even this career we're talking about here had I said that in my early 20s I wouldn't have posted these cringy drum YouTube covers but I did I said you know what I don't know how this is going to work out but I I just feel called to do this let me give it a shot posted probably a dozen or two one of those videos eight years later a band saw me they're like dude we need a drummer come to La I went to LA the rest is history I flew we did festivals to 30,000 people uh I got to play on late night TV I got to open for post Malone like childhood dream right there I still get goosebumps and pinch myself like that happen happened because I said I don't know how I'm just going to trust in this and do something different I'm going to say yes to things so what do you need to say yes to what do you need to open yourself to more importantly what do you need to outgrow remember that your biggest problems in life cannot be solved they can only be outgrown and that this is trying to solve problems trying to stay withdrawn from them or Escape them that when you embrace the lows and you use them as motivation you also get more of the highs the full spectrum this is the examined life this is The Virtuous life and this is what we need to pursue not avoiding problems but running straight on into them thanks so much for watching let me know if you like this in the comments love you stop settling start living see you in the next one

Channel: Clark Kegley

Views: 11,139

Keywords: clark kegley, carl jung, self improvement, motivational speech, identity shifting, how to identity shift, self improvement tips, change your life, motivation, self improvement motivation, wake up motivation, psychology, identity shift

Id: _DWEioV-3rY

Length: 26min 18sec (1578 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 16 2024