'Identity' Post Mortem Stream TWO

hello hi i i think we're now back i think we are i think that so many people logged on to the stream that the uh that the stream just broke and just went down i'm sorry about that that wasn't me um that wasn't me badly rotating a pdf that was uh that was just my yeah either youtube or my streaming software just crashed so we're back i think uh sorry about that um but hey it wouldn't be one of my streams if we didn't uh if we didn't have to rotate some pdfs sorry about that everyone um i think youtube just just melted um but uh anyway where were we um what was i talking about uh oh yeah so long time viewers of the postmortem streams will know that um okay everyone calm down youtube's getting excited so long-term viewers of the show will know that i have three criteria uh for when uh let me let me turn myself up a bit does that help keep checking in with the volume um yeah so i have three criteria for assessing when a video has done well in my book first is it made from curiosity not ambition in this case yes i think it was um secondly have i made it from a place of uh compassion both for myself and others yes i think i definitely did out of all the videos that i've ever made i think this one i probably made out of compassion the most um so yeah that was pretty cool and um is this video my unique creative vision yes i think it very very obviously is um oh yeah somebody's saying you should tweet another stream link you know i'm not gonna i think i think three thousand people's enough i think i think what i might even do is i might just delete that tweet so no one else comes in because i think i think three thousand is enough i think i think three thousand is about three times as many as i normally like it to be um so if anyone else wants to find it they'll find it and other than that it's just uh it's just asked for tonight oh wow thank you danny for that super chat that's very very very generous um so uh in my opinion this video was good obviously i obviously i planned it for a long time it was a long long time coming and uh yeah it went off without a hitch i can't believe we kept it secret as long as we did um it was a it was it was pretty amazing to see it all coming together um and i was really really very very happy with it um oh so i suppose there are um i suppose there are some things that i should say before we talk about the kind of behind the scenes stuff um so i know that a lot of people uh will have questions about my transition so that i need to say there are some things that i'm not going to talk about um i'm not going to discuss any of my medical information um and i'm also not going to discuss my exact transition timeline i've gotten hundreds and hundreds if not thousands of messages from people asking me to go into detail about those things and i'm not going to um i even had a few people ask me when did you start hormones and i'm like did i say i was on hormones i didn't say that you assumed that because you assume that being trans means that you're on hormones you can assume that if you like i haven't said either way and you're not gonna know so there it is um wow thank you for these super chats these are amazing um so uh i'm also not gonna do makeup tutorials it's i'm gonna i'll talk about makeup in a non-structured way but i'm not i'm not rebranding i'm not i'm basically i'm not rebranding to trans content philosophy tube is going to continue pretty much as it was except now girl so that's pretty awesome um also one other thing thousands and thousands of people have written to me asking whether i think that they are trans i can't tell you that i'm afraid i yeah i can't do that um that's something you're going to have to figure out for yourself sorry um but yeah there it is um so with that out of the way um we can uh we can we can crack on and i can show you some of the comments um yeah so we stood up now up to four and a half thousand viewers again uh i feel like stuart lee i'm like you can't stop him coming hey no it's awesome thank you for coming along so i can show you some see again again with this black square [Music] i'm a black square i'm a black square what am i doing i'm doing window capture add source i add a new source and we are going to add some sauce what's where's my where's my friend where's my is this the friend yes this is the friend okay stand by for pdf rotation stand by stand by stand by for pdf rotation stand by for pdf rotation pdf has been rotated okay so let's read some comments rosie g9012 said this video helped me understand what it must feel like to be trans in a way that i never had before i'm really glad you say that because that was the whole point um so i the video went through a lot of different drafts as i said in it i have i've had a lot of time in which to write it and it went through many many many different uh iterations i yeah eventually i well i watched a lot of trans coming out videos and i found a lot of them to be quite samey um and so i i wanted to do something different i wanted to do something that i'd never that no one had ever done before long time viewers of the show will know uh that i'd like to make things that um that no one else could make and like i wanted to be uniquely mine and i so i i definitely tried to do that with this one and i as i as i said or as as i wrote for reese to say in the opening of the video um i i wanted to show people what it was like not just tell them what it would be like for someone else but to show you what it would be like for you to find out that you were trans so the um the structure of the video come on now come on now what are we doing here um nope the structure of the video actually deliberately mirrors the kind of journey that i went on so um it starts with this feeling that the person that you're looking at just isn't the person you were expecting they're fine you know looks great rhys is a handsome actor so for those who didn't know this is not me that we're looking at this is my friend reese who is an actor who i've now who i've known for many many years and rhys is playing quote-unquote me uh so it starts with this feeling that the person that you're looking at is fine but just not who you were expecting and then it moves into a period of trying to intellectualize that's a great freeze frame trying to intellectualize and come up with a lot of theories as to why this unfamiliarity might be there um but then it moves into this period of confusion and sadness in these moments where in these moments where you hear my voice coming over interrupting rhys and then you get this confusion and this sadness from him and then there's this kind of long monologue and this sad breakdown because ultimately the theory can't explain why it is that you're sad and then finally one day the truth just walks in the door and that's it deliberately mirrors the process of coming out and then happiness um so that was the point um so when people i got a lot of messages including from um from cis people saying that this video helped them understand what it was like and yeah that was that was it was very deliberate that's why i made it that way so i was really really happy that that really worked um there was a i got a nice where am i what window am i in um i got a very nice comment from evan stone who said it's so disconcerting to hear your mannerisms and your style of writing coming out of somebody else's mouth um and yes that that is that's the point um it's meant to be uncomfortable and strange and weird and i i was a lot of people actually didn't realize that reese and i aren't the same person um some people thought this was me uh just filmed ages ago or something but no this is actually a completely separate human being um and uh yeah that the whole point was that it's supposed to make you uncomfortable and it's supposed to be creepy and unusual and you look at the person on the screen and it's not who you were expecting because that's how i felt when i looked at the screen or when i looked in the mirror and so it's a deliberate you know it's like poetry it's like a rhyme it's it's art that's what i like to make i'm a theater maker darling um so that was fun i'm really glad that some people picked up on that um oh there was another another clever comment from someone uh so uh leicester dialed t said that they said they uh the intro was a mix of doctor who and time mandates yes that was deliberate there was a deliberate time bandits uh bit especially to the soundtrack that nina richards wrote um so i i i had originally planned on leaning a little bit more into the time bandits stuff so so this video went through several different iterations over the lengthy period of time in which i was writing it and i think there was an early draft where it was going to be a two-parter and part one was gonna just be called masculinity and it was gonna be uh an ellis and strucci interrogation video if you've seen my video youtube art or reality it was kind of gonna be like that again except the two police officers ellis and strucci were going to be interrogating me in boy mode looking for a missing person um and at the end that they would sort of slide me a photo of the missing person and i would claim not to know who it was and at the end you would it would be revealed that the missing person is a photo of me and it was going to end on the cliffhanger and then i thought too self-indulgent two and and two already done already done it i was like i want to do something new so um i threw that idea out and then there was then there was a plan to do a lot more interactions between me and rhys um like he was gonna just present a norm what seemed like a normal philosophy tube video until about halfway through when i would come in and say oh i'm sorry i'm late for that and then there'd be some kind of confrontation between us but that um that uh it was too complicated to film and it was it was also a little bit uh like hokey i wrote some notes towards scenes of um of what the interactions between us might be and then i was like nah nah this this dialogue is too it's very very hard to film dialogue scenes and also if you do it wrong even just a little bit it really shows up so i thought no i'm not really happy with this i don't want to do it um then there was a plan so at this stage i knew that i wanted reese to play quote-unquote me um i knew i wanted an actor in there and uh i i had an idea that i wanted some kind of disappearance like the actor playing me would disappear and i would appear there was a thought in my head that um we might be sitting on a park bench together and then it would cut in close to me as i gave a monologue about transition and then it would cut out again and he would be gone um i thought that might be nice um thank you sydney rose for that super chat the answer is i don't know um i don't really plan on that far in advance apart from this one which was planned very far in advance um so then there was an idea to do something maybe a little bit matrix inspired um where there would be a recurring bit about rhys having a mobile phone the same nokia from the matrix and it ringing and he he would refuse to answer it um and he would say that's not my phone i'm not i'm not answering that that's not my phone the whole thing was using the ringing phone as a metaphor and refusing to answer it and then i was like again just a little bit a little bit hokey a little little bit kind of been done before um and uh then what else what else uh i'm sure i had another i'm sure i had another idea for something i wanted to do i don't remember it now um but then eventually i am i i read audrey lorde um i read her book and that gave me an idea to sort of base the intellectual content around her work and also charles mills's essay from blackness visible which informed a lot of the intellectual content about comparing descartes to other philosophers um so that was good and uh oh yeah there was um there was a i had a brief idea of about half a day where i thought i'm going to do it about like a doctor who themed video i was going to hire a tardis and at the end reese was going to regenerate um and i discounted that for a few reasons first of all i thought as soon as the video opened i was like it's immediately obvious what's going to happen so obvious a video called identity that's being filmed inside of tardis yeah you know what's going to happen and i thought that's dull i don't want people to know um i don't want people to be able to predict what's going to happen before they before they watch it um and also i couldn't i basically couldn't find a set there was there was an interior tardis set in cardiff but i was like i'm not paying for the cast and crew to to travel to cardiff and film something in the middle of a pandemic um for a day i was like that's ridiculous um so in the end i decided to strip it right back and say what needs to be here i really liked the idea of there being an actor i am i really liked the idea of him being on a stage and then i realized um that the transition i guess between part one and part two could be something very simple it could be as simple as him bowing and and disappearing and then crucially so you when you see him he's on the stage because he's a performance and then when you see me so you see him bow he's on the stage and when you see he disappears when you see me i am not on the stage because we are not in unreality anymore we are not a performance anymore now we are in the real world welcome to the real world so that was fun um another thing i really wanted to i i really wanted rhys to have this final monologue this kind of goodbye because i'm i i knew i knew that um oh i predicted and i was right that a lot of people especially men who watch my show might well feel something almost a little bit like grief for this old character i didn't just want to appear straight out the song like everything you thought you know was [ __ ] i wanted to give give it this moment of weight and goodbye and to acknowledge that this is a a serious thing that's happening um and that this is kind of the end of venera it's the end of the black star trilogy you know he's got the cosmonaut t-shirt on it's sort of the end of that and the beginning of something else and there was a really really interesting and very sensitive and thoughtful discussion over on on reddit believe it or not on our slash men's lib there was a there was a very thoughtful discussion about loss and uh disappointment and losing a quote-unquote male role model um there was a very very sensitive discussion about it which i appreciated a lot so big shout out to men's lib um but i i knew that some people would feel a kind of sadness as a result of this um and you know i'll be honest with you like there are parts of transition that are sad and involve letting go um i think i said over on our slash men's lib that when you when you get rid of your old clothes that's you know you have to get rid of people's old clothes when they die and there is something kind of funeric about it um it is a kind of a letting go at least and i wanted to give that moment a little bit of weight um whilst also not dwelling in the suffering and the pain and the at the end of it i was like it is a new beginning he i mean he has this line uh reese has this line where he says i feel like i'm dying in fact i feel like i've been dead for years um and he says i think i have to leave and it is a sad moment but yeah i wanted to give it that weight um and it uh i thought it went well people seem to like it um which is nice um what else i'm just going through my uh my notes here um but yeah reese reese did an amazing did an amazing job um yeah we've known each other for years uh he's an excellent actor and he was he was my first choice for cast as well i said to him i was like do you want to do this and he was like oh hell yeah and as soon as i explained to him the idea of what the video was he was like oh hell yeah i'm on board i'm i'm doing i love it i was like um so that was fun um hey thank you to faith frederickson for that super chat that's kind of you um yeah at some point after the pandemic's over i want to go on reese's channel and just hang out and play video games because he's wonderful and he did he did an amazing job with this role it was really good um so yeah yeah i was very proud of how the video all came together um i will say so something that i have something that i've picked up through the grapevine um is that some trans people found it difficult to watch the video or they were reluctant to sit down and watch it even though they knew i'd come out because it can be hard to see other people progressing in their transition i mean it's not the same thing as as jealousy per se but if you see other people that are happy in their transition it can highlight ways in which you're still sad about your own um and hey i i absolutely know how that feels and i don't begrudge any trans person who feels that way and says you know what i'm happy for her but i'm going to skip watching the video um you know seeing other trans women progress in their transitions as i was stuck waiting was very was painful to me um so i understand that an awful lot um and something i do something i do want to point out and make very clear is that um it might appear to you having watched this video that i transition you know it's it's just very very quick it happens like that you know um that he just he just disappears there he goes and it takes all of you know five seconds and then boom suddenly i'm there um but something i want to sort of make very very clear is that it it only appears that way because i i deliberately engineered the video like that and so in in reality like every trans person who transitions my transition was incredibly gradual um and you know involves two steps forward and one steps back at times and there is awkwardness and pain and slow change that you didn't see because um i deliberately hid it um uh you you don't see all of that stuff because i engineered the video this way um you know it's it looks like i just flipped a switch and came out but it it wasn't like that at all it's b it's because i've been hiding it from you for so long that i was able to make it appear that way um so what you what you see in this video and what you see on the phone on your phones isn't necessarily a reality um and also you have to remember that i i had a long time in which to deliberately structure and plan basically a pr campaign um with a coming out photo shoot and an interview in extra magazine and um simultaneous announcements across all social media platforms and you know even forthcoming interviews with people and and i i there are a lot of content creators parallel to me who knew about this well in advance and who were saying yes as soon as you come out we'll get you on bowling out super we'll get you one trash future we'll you know we'll get you on x y and zed um so that you've got a buildup of people who are very clearly publicly accepting you for who you are i mean there are a lot of journalists who knew about this well in advance who knew to who who were there yes we're going to help you you know change your public image around so yeah just bear in mind i i don't begrudge anyone who who looks at a video like this and it's like ah [ __ ] like this makes me feel like crap i don't think you should feel bad about that at all um but uh yeah just just know that it's it's not real uh thank you for that super jack karl rove of growth first he says how will you handle your characters i don't know actually um i haven't decided i don't want to box myself in creatively um so i'm writing my next video at the moment and there may be a chance for for sir nigel piss to come back and i was thinking oh should it be sir nigel piss or should i gender bend him and we have him be like dame nigella piss should i do that and i was like i don't know i don't know what i'm gonna do i haven't decided yet i thought i would play it by ear because as i say i don't want to box myself in creatively um we'll see we'll see um i don't know i don't know i don't want to um yeah as i say i don't want to box myself in we'll find out you know some of them some of them might work genderbent some of them might not um i don't know maybe maybe i'll just i suppose i could just play i could just play sir nigel piss as a man but do it without the extra layer of trying to convince you that i'm a man so i could do like fem piss you know i just i just won't bother growing my stubble and my eyebrows or doing a silly voice i'll just do like ah oh it's so nigel piss like i can do i can do femme piss i don't know i don't know or maybe i'll do damn damn piss i don't know i don't know um i think it would be a pain in the pain in the ass to get rhys back on every time i wanted to play someone so oh by the way we are almost at 8 000 viewers at the moment um and uh the reason we had to do a second stream was because we got to 6 000 last time and this and youtube just crashed because there were too many people so if if i suddenly cut out again that's why that's happened hi marina shut up oh it's so good to have you here oh hi i've been watching marina's videos for years and years and years and they're very very good good to have you here i don't know i don't know what i'll do with the arsonist i don't know maybe it's it's possible he would never have come back into another video anyway um i might just never have had a reason to use him again um as i say i try to follow i try to follow the curiosity when i um when i make my videos i don't say oh this one needs to have the arsonist in regardless of what it's about sometimes i'll be writing a video and then you know two-thirds of the way into i go oh oh okay the arsonist needs to be in this one so i don't know i don't know i'll find out um somebody sorry i forgot who was ray recalls says um what's going to happen with dracula um dracula i uh streamlabs just gave me a notification okay i think it's fine oh we're gonna go down again um so dracula i was supposed to be in a production of dracula in march and then and then in december and then in january but i had to be cancelled every single time or postponed every single time um i was actually postponing my coming out until after dracula um and when we finally canceled dracula for good i was like okay now i can come out because i know that a lot of people were very keen to see dracula and some people are saying well just play like female dracula but the version of dracula that we developed for the stage in london was specifically about how do powerful men get away with doing horrible things and the version of of deedee dracula that we created was basically jeffrey epstein if he was immortal that that was that was what the play was about um and there was uh there was a pretty explicit well rape scene in the show um that was kind of like vampire coded with the force-feeding menahaca blood but it was it was very very obvious what that scene was um and basically i i said to the cast i was and the crew i was like look i can't come out as a trans woman i at any trans woman never mind one of the most recognizable trans women in britain i can't come out and then immediately have the first role i play on stage be a male rapist i'm like i can't do that like it's just to it's just giving them ammo like it's i i don't want to do it and also if i'm if i'm out if i'm fully out i don't want to have to pretend and do the voice and do the body language anymore i want if once i'm out i want to be all the way out you know um so i don't think the dracula the dracula that we developed i don't think that's going to happen with me as dracula who knows at some point in the future maybe we'll do a very different version of dracula but that particular that particular version i think has a stake through its heart and has to die i'm sorry um because it would have been awful for me to have to do that and yeah yeah you get it the chat gets it you get it i don't want to do that yeah exactly you know we'd have had various famous british authors turning up and being like you know the guardian would have been all over it so no sadly not um so yeah um we do have some amazing fan art from the last video which i would love to show you um and we'll show you uh but first um i have some questions from patrons so uh again long time viewers of the show will know that patrons who sign up to a certain level um patrons who sign up to a certain level get to ask me a question that i'll answer on stream so i've got a few to get through so katie fenn is a patron who asked me what piece of clothing makes you feel like a million dollars well i tell you what uh the dress that i wore in this video is or rather was uh one of my favorite dresses um if not if not my absolute favorite i do love it um yeah uh but unfortunately when i washed it um the dye ran and the lovely white trim went to horrible horrible dirty gray color um and i had to get rid of it so this dress i no longer have it but i tell you what i did i emailed the place that i got it from and i said hey um you know i i loved having this dress it was lovely but unfortunately something happened with the die and it's kind of ruined and and they said oh that's that's no good sorry about that uh i said i watched it according to the label and so they said all right we're gonna send you another one so i think a replacement is in the mail but um it it it was my favorite and it was very nice so i enjoy wearing that one um uh goat carter is another patron who asked me what is a project professional or personal that you have not done but you think you would like to do someday uh well uh a podcast actually a lot of people have been asking me to do a podcast for um for quite a while and i am delighted to finally say that yes i am going to be doing a podcast uh me and two trans friends of mine alice and devin are going to be starting a podcast we've recorded the first episode already we're going to be starting it hopefully within the month um it's nothing to do with philosophy and it's nothing to do with trans stuff it's just it's just us having some fun um just shooting the [ __ ] talking about a a series of films that we all have strong uh opinions about um i won't tell you what the name is yet or anything but uh yeah so i've been looking forward to doing that it's something that we've been planning for a long time we've i think some at some point we're like oh we really need to do this and i said yeah let's do it as soon as i come out let's record it um so that i don't have to you know keep changing voices so um yeah there's gonna be a podcast soon um again nothing to do with philosophy nothing to do with trans stuff just us just us having fun and being daft so that'll be good uh what else do we have um oh so we've got a good a good couple of questions here dana bixby asked me um where specifically where not what but where is language which i think i think momentum is language in the brain or do do we learn it does it come from outside to which i have to say i don't really rightly know a philosophy of language is something that i never studied all that much of um but i i have uh i do have little little ones in my family who it's been very interesting just to watch them acquire language and it does seem like there there is a kind of a kind of um innate i suppose disposition for humans to acquire language um uh marina it's about a film series it's gonna be fun it's gonna be fun um yeah so it seems like people have some kind of natural ability to acquire language although i don't know i wish i could give you a more um i wish i could give you a more in-depth uh analysis there oh uh when i said alice sorry i forgot there are nine million trans women named alice trans women choose a name that doesn't begin with a challenge uh yes alice caldwell kelly alice from uh from trash future you'll find out what series it is it'll be coming soon it'll be coming soon yeah alex caldwell kelly and devin devin devin devin is devin that's who they are um so yeah that's gonna be fun i'm enjoying this music and the last patron question before we get to the fan art is james asked is there a good non-confrontational way to deal with people who are kind of casually homophobic or transphobic in conversation and assume that you will agree with them that's an interesting one um i am quite non confrontational as a person generally so when somebody says something that's really out of line and i i can't just let it go sometimes i find it useful to frame it as a question um i'll go well that's interesting why do you think that or oh cool that's you know what what led you to that conclusion um and it just kind of sometimes highlights that their position can be questioned um i don't know the details of the situation that james is in here but something that's some that's nice to a nice way of broaching a topic is to say oh that's interesting because oh it's interesting that you say that because i actually read something very different from that um quill quill made the costume um for dracula quill made an amazing costume for dracula i tell you what quill i will still pay you for that because you put in a lot of work for it and if if at some point you send me the costume maybe i will have a reason to use it in a video maybe if the vampire economist comes back i could um well i don't see why i couldn't do it so that that is a character that if i wanted to play the vampire economist again i can see that that would be fine to just gender bend and just have a vampire economist be a woman now could even do something quite interesting with that whereas some of them like nigel piss and the arsonist and drivel i think have to be male um there's a kind of yeah well the arsonist definitely has to be a man um although i did um i did come up with a plan a long time ago for um expand for kind of expanding the arsonists family a little bit uh so there might be if i i i probably won't gender bend the arsonist but maybe at some point if i have a reason to use her there might be a kind of harley quinn to his joker that's an idea i came up with a while ago um but quill if you if at some point you get me that costume i will still pay you for it because you put in all the work um and i'll uh yeah that'll be fun and maybe i'll maybe i'll find some reason to use it other maya my body proportions have probably changed a little bit is the music all right let me know keep checking in i don't i don't think that i don't think that that could be a female drivel i'm not going to say no but i don't know i just think drivel has such a dribble has such a meat head energy but he just has to be a guy i can't imagine dribble being like ah [ __ ] hell i've got tits like i just didn't think it would work [Music] oh thank you to uh whoever just super chatted me martin thomas and yeah a million people have asked me how i how i want people to spell abby i don't mind i don't care anyway like doesn't doesn't bug me um it's nice though isn't it it's a nice name i was happy when i came up with that i was like oh yeah it was down to two i am well i i caught i i realized my name needed to be out or was abigail and then um uh then i found out that ben shapiro's sister is called abigail and i was like um is it too late to change to adelaide and i was like ah i don't think i'm an adelaide i don't think i'm i don't think i'm an arda i think one i think i might invent a character at some point called adelaide so i also didn't want that kind of confusion um all right then well those are all the patron questions i had oh there were a lot of people in the comments of uh of my video who um uh who who tried to explain away audrey lord's metaphor about being legally blind um which is a metaphor that i used again and again in the video i assume those people all came over from uh from cinemasins and just just don't like metaphors but there you go some people just like things to be literal okie dokie yeah adelaide adelaide thorne doesn't doesn't go quite as well um but abigail thorne flow as well amanda thorne no no no no i i i i knew an amanda once who uh no i knew a bad amanda i don't want that name no offense to amanda's but i was like not me not me um oh somebody asks about the old postmortem streams they're not gone forever they're just unlisted so if you have the links for them if you if you really really dig you'll be able to find them but um i i sort of tidied them away because i didn't want um i uh i didn't want uh i didn't want them to be sort of front and center on on this channel philosophy tube live um so they are they're tidied away and if you know where they are then you can go and find them and that's okay but um i don't mind you going back and watching them i don't mind you going back and watching my old videos either that's fine i'm gonna leave them up um i did prune a few of them just some of the ones that i thought okay people are gonna go through this and take it out of context and um so i pruned a few of them and unlisted them and uh yeah um i don't mind you going back and watching the old ones that's fine um it's a lit it's weird for me to go back and watch them so i i don't and i have also changed my notifications on youtube so that if somebody comments on an old one i i don't get notified so i don't have to have it you know popping up um but i don't mind you know a lot of them a lot of them are good a lot of them are good videos so i don't mind you going back and watching those for now i reserve the right to change my mind later but yeah for now i'm not planning on taking them away um well maybe i could get tom scar to play ian drivel that might be fun oh well we'll see we'll see we'll see i'm not going to box myself in but anyway let's look at some fan art um there was a lot of it and it was very very good um it was nice so this one from frank proposed was it oh i'll just rotate pdf and put myself over here um yeah this one from frank propose i really like this one it's sort of quite presidential it's very serious um but i do it kind of looks like i'm running for president of transamerica which i mean you know yeah i think there'll be a few challenges to that um but this i enjoyed this one too from lady victoria uh you can see the artist's names down in the bottom left by the way a lot of people said that the video had a big doctor who energy and that was i think kind of deliberate uh it just so i i allowed i allowed it to happen so this this uh this shot is quite bbc um hey yeah this shot is quite bbc um and also the opening obviously the opening credits which were um made by matt lay who did an amazing job with these oh i love them like oh the hyper speed that's so good and then wow so this is very very doctor who um so i think that that was why some people said uh that's why some people said i had big doctor who energy um but then this was a lovely one from scotch scotch draws on twitter who's painted my portrait a couple of times and uh it's probably sick of going back and revising it uh but thank you scotch um smoothie booty who's a regular contributor contributor control con country smoothie booty who regularly draws good uh drew this one which i like um i bloody wish my chin looked like that um i enjoyed this one too from purple mirror art on tumblr nice little facial expression that oh i gotta tell you this um so you know that you know all the photos the photo shoot um there's a few i haven't released yet but all the photos that we've done so far that you've seen um i did a professional photo shoot with a lovely photographer who said uh what's the vibe you want to go for and i said uh how about uh emma watson if she was six foot one and captain a woman's rowing team and the photographer was like yeah i think we can make that happen and we nailed it i think we nailed it i think it went very well uh yeah i thought it i thought it i thought the photos came out very nicely um i really enjoyed this one also on tumblr from romana queen of space this one's very very nice um again wish i had that chin oh oh great question in the superchats from poppyapplebee i'll take a break from fanart just to go over that so um oh what am i doing full screen um so poppy appleby apple tree excuse me asks was the accompanying video deliberately modeled on the queen's speech so this one um so it wasn't deliberately modeled on the queen's speech now but um the the dress that i'm wearing and well first of all this is just the room that the stage is in it's just kind of handy that this when you flip the camera around after it's done pointing at the stage this is what you see um and we decided to use it although i did i did book uh the venue because i wanted this chair and stuff so it wasn't modeled on the queen's speech but how to put this i knew i knew well before i came out that my ability to continue having a career after i came out would depend on a few things it would mean first of all making the switch very quickly and very easily for all of you and also for all my for the main for the bulk of my audience who watched the show casually i knew i needed to make it quick and easy for them i i [Music] i knew that i know that the next two or three episodes of the show need to be good and need to not rock the boat too much i i think there will be a lot of people who say okay i'll see where you're going with this so i know that the next couple need to be good um and pretty by the book i'm not gonna try anything too wild with the next one there will be some you know different looks and different costumes but it's gonna be pretty pretty by the book pretty you know straight down the middle philosophy tube um and i also knew maybe this is a an england thing and it's unfortunate that this is the case but i also knew that there is a particular understanding and aesthetic of what being a woman of what being a public figure in england is which is this kind of ladylike ladiness you know it's the duchess of sussex it's emma watson if she was six foot one in captain a woman's rowing team there is this understanding that in order to be a woman in public to be a public figure who's a woman in england there is this kind of expected air of elegance and grace and just a certain way of being and presenting and i'm i'm very very aware that as a trans woman i am never going to be allowed to fully enter that kind of mode of being but i thought that it would help at least to start with if i didn't come out in you know cat ears and thigh highs i was like okay i need to there's a kind of delicate white posh femininity as people are saying in the chat that i thought okay it's gonna help people understand if i if this is what i mean if i look and sound like the kind of woman public intellectual that they already know it's gonna help um it's it sucks i'm not sure i'm explaining it very well and it sucks that i have to do that um or that i feel i have to do that at least to start out by doing that um so there was this i did deliberately design the aesthetic of the video to be this kind of elegant it's like wearing a dress non-threatening very natural makeup emma watson if she was six foot one you know stylish but not too stylish non-threatening um vibe um i think i think that people could very very justly criticize me for choosing to do that um yeah i think that's it's a fair criticism um and i think uh marina says how do you think british femininity differs from american femininity american femininity is hot that's that's the that's the difference um so yeah i am basically i know what my casting is and i knew that if i played to my casting it would help people understand um so that's why there is this that's why there's the leatherwing back chair and the globe and the chessboard floor and the smart coat i mean i don't go around looking like this all the time um but there is yeah that's kind of what i was trying to do because i i know what my casting is um my casting is not my casting is not like sexy girl next door my casting is well what they told me at drama school is your casting is period hottie sexy doctor or discount tom hiddleston um probably can't do discount tom middleton anymore but periodic sexy doctor i can still do that so i know that i have well i know that i'm white for one thing and i know that i have the voice and i know that i have the kind of bbc energy so i was like if i play to my strengths it's gonna help people get it so that's why the video has that kind of aesthetic um yeah yeah i think people will justly point out first of all not everyone can do that um secondly that it's not gonna work it's not gonna you know i i'm not gonna be invited to have dinner with julie bindle just because i can wear a dress and say hello evening you know it's not going to happen i know it's not going to work and i know that respectability politics is um but i thought if i could have a little bit of that bbc energy and i even there's even a moment in the coming out statement where i say my love goes out to every trans person within the sound of my voice in britain or overseas which is a quote from king george like it's very you know bbc public woman energy voice lady that's what we're going for so yeah and then there's room to depart from that um but basically i knew that in order to have a career as a public woman a public woman who's known for you know her knowledge and her ability to present rather than her beauty because i i i know that i'm i'm never going to be i i'm not a famous model i'm not monroe bergdorf you know um i'm not uh i'm not a kim petras who's a woman known for her incredible performance skills i'm not even a natalie win um i'm i've got this sort of bbc presenter intellectual vibe i'm definitely an athena rather than an aphrodite and i knew that if i can if i can just play to that then it will help it will help people understand um so that's what i was trying to do so great question from ruby who asked that um what makes american femininity hot the accent american accents wow so good so good i love that anyway um what were we talking about fan art uh yes thank you matt nolan for that super chat um this one from you and future was nice i really like the um the detail of the coat is is very very good um and the clouds if there are clouds or leaves in the background i'm not sure what that but i like it um i like it a lot it's good um and i also like this one from banda day guitars it's very undertale um got the chair in there and the checkerboard floor very good um yeah i enjoyed this one too it's very sort of video gamey um i'm glad that people in the chat understand what i mean i understand what i said i don't think i explained it very well but uh you get it um i liked this one from cake cat lady uh gave me psja is too which i really want ah i really want them but i knew that as soon as i pierced my ears it would be incredibly obvious that i was transitioning so i had to wait until after well at least until after the final video of the last series was made and then um and then i could get them pierced but then there was the lock down and i was like oh i'm not just gonna do it so yeah this one by cake cat lady i love it can't wait to get my ears pierced very much looking forward to earrings uh this one from you m3 zix i enjoyed this one too people really like the chair people really like the chair um uh orange says how have your folks reacted to the media and you're coming out that's a personal question i'm not gonna tell you i'm glad that somebody asked me that i knew somebody would ask me personal questions don't feel bad about it but i am not going to tell you boundaries we like to have them i enjoyed this one from midnight 2718 who's done some fan out of the show before love the space vibes very very cool i knew i picked a good dress i was i i thought about wearing this top in the um in the coming out but i thought no i'll go for a nice dress again bbc energy uh and then a nice uh i'll wear my my favorite coat to for the actual the actual big moment um and i got the rights to david bowie's black star i can't believe it thank you very much to sony music and arsenal publishing uh for giving me the rights to david bowie's black star for this moment ah i've wanted that for so long because it's the black star trilogy that starts with cosmonaut video and then men abuse trauma and now this and i got for the big moment i got i got the song and i was like yes it took me so long so many emails and an amount of money that i'm legally not allowed to disclose uh but they did give it to me for cheap um but i did i did get david bowie's black star um it took a hell of a lot of work but i got it um i also enjoyed this a bit of fan art from sad cookie the conclusion of the cosmonaut trilogy that was it there was i did i did consider getting an actual russian space suit and then as reese was giving his monologue i thought about just being standing there at the back and then and then i would take the suit off but it i thought it's a bit too if you haven't seen the original cosmonaut video it kind of doesn't really make a whole lot of sense um i wanted so what i like about the blackstar trilogy is that you can watch each one on their own and if you've seen all three of them and you understand the through line then you get more out of it but you don't need to have seen it in order to understand you can watch just this video on its own um you don't need to have seen men of use trauma you don't need to have seen uh what was it suicide mental health was part one um so there you go oh you're right i would have blended into the chair with this top on says the f me good thinking um i enjoyed this one from schmineria this is very avatar the last airbender i i look like i would uh look i would be sort of bending energy i like it though it's very cool very cheeky uh i like this one from zeofear two like the colors on that and this one's quite cute from uh what does that say spoop you um these are all um these are all i got them all from the philosophy tube subreddit and from tumblr by the way so uh if you uh if you ever do fan art usually whenever i announce a stream suddenly about a couple of minutes after i announced the stream there's four or five new bits of fan art on the subreddit because people know people know that i uh people know that i trawl through the subreddit and take the fan out and put it on here so um and this one from whistler yt wow again wish i had wish i had that that bone structure look a lot like my mum in that one which i really like um yeah this one's gorgeous thank you so much very very special the fine art was um was wonderful so yeah that's all the fan art and all the comments um and there are still eight and a half thousand people here so uh i'll tell you what we will probably hang out for another how about another 15 minutes and then i'm gonna have to walk home in the rain not looking forward to that but i'm gonna go home and have some ice cream and a rest but let's hang out for another 15 minutes um and we can all just have a fun have a fun time so i will keep a bit of a closer eye on the chat now um and try to answer any questions or super chats is the music all right can you hear it it's coming in okay oh hi nina good to have you here nina wrote the music for the video people are asking about how do pronouns work when relating to your past videos you're adorable you're really adorable i know i know that a lot of people this is something i said in transphobia analysis a lot of people want to say the right thing they don't want to say the wrong thing so you would say well this is a video of abigail before she transitioned and that's fine i don't mind that at all or hey that's that's her before she came out that's an old video you know easy peasy what else what ice cream is your favorite ooh i do love a ch i like to get a chocolate fudge brownie and a cookie dough and mix them together that's beautiful beautiful will you take on new acting rolls i hope so yeah i hope so i applied for him i applied for so my my agent is submitting me for him uh for female roles now so i mean the pandemic has still destroyed the acting industry and i do also have a play that i've written that i'm looking to get a home for after uh after lockdown's over so bob bolden asks which american accent is the hottest i don't know enough about them to um to uh to distinguish but they're all pretty good angela filament says can you take us to the process of choosing your name personal question i need like a i need like a paddle like a personal question alarm i'm not gonna answer that what i just accidentally in my chair all right there we go adam says i would love for you to play the doctor that would be nice i don't think it's up to me uh but you know if the bbc comes knocking i'll be there thank you for that super chat shannon bradley how did you originally get into acting i've been acting since i was three years old i've been doing it as long as i can remember i love it it's great uh so i yeah i've written a play about um it's about uh political radicalization and transgender identity and how they are sometimes two sides of the same coin so um yeah it's fun i'm not going to give you any more details other than that but uh it's a fun one oh wow thank you emily for emily herself for that super chat uh says that she came out because of me wow that's um wow you you found the courage to do that yourself um that wasn't me but um i'm happy for you that's wonderful um the oh what do you think descartes would think about trans identities nothing good probably would you ever do voice-over work i have i have i do i did i did a few voiceover um a few voice-over roles in my old voice and uh i would happily do it again happily i like voice acting um where did i get this necklace from i just got it from etsy um it's just a bowie i wanted a black star necklace in it that's a nice one um the lightning bolt is just it's bowie ziggy stardust i think i think and what else what else what else have we got oh thank you appalachia folk witch i am glowing with happiness although it's also the lighting and my highlighting powder but yes [Music] would you ever revisit old video topics um maybe i don't know i'm not going to box myself in what's the nail polish color i'm wearing uh uh i don't know shiny that's it i can't remember what it's called have you watch it's a sin no no i have not um i've heard it's good what was it like making the five jobs before youtube video knowing this was coming fine same as making all the other ones um what made you decide on black star for the video oh so um this is a good question uh well first of all i really love david bowie's black star album i think it's one of my favorite works of art ever and i've i have i've enjoyed it for years um it's uh it's been one of my favorite for a long time since it came out and i when bowie died i saw somebody say that he was the only artist in the world who could have looked at his own death and said yeah i'm gonna use that i'm gonna use this to make something beautiful and i i really i really love the way he uses the sadness of his own because he made black son when he knew he was dying and he he doesn't he he could have gone on and gone like and that's it you die you can't you laugh in the face of death and how you go but he doesn't do that he doesn't just make fun of it or make light of it he decides to look it right in the face and make something beautiful out of it and i love that i think that's a very difficult thing to do as an artist and i i was inspired by that so when i made the first video in the black star trilogy when i made suicide and mental health i was like that's what i want to do i don't want to make something funny out of it there might be fun in it but i want to make i want to look this in the face and make something beautiful and then when i made menabees trauma i i did it again and then when i was making this video i wanted to do it again i wanted to make the conclusion to the black star trilogy and also there's that line in um there's that line in the song back so something happened on the day he died spirit rose and me to step beside somebody else took his place and bravely cried i'm a black star and i thought oh yes i want that bit um because it's an album that i've listened to a lot when i've been through hard times um and it means a lot to me and it's just yeah that that that work of art being able to being able to look at something as awful as your own death and say i'm gonna use this to make beautiful art i think that's amazing so um so i decided to um i decided to use it um yeah it's a hell of an album it's very good and i listened to it for a long time kind of not not always even understanding why it meant so much to me um but yeah yeah it's a wonderful album if you haven't listened to it oh thank you for that super chat justin um oh and uh volvocat17 didn't realize that reese was an actor yeah yeah reese is a very good actor actually um the track played at the end of um uh of the video is it's a royalty free track called keep coming back to the start which you can see on royalty-free music websites um and the reason i used it in the credits was it was partly because it was appropriate because coming back to the start like my first video was about descartes and this one is revisiting descartes with the benefit of hindsight so themes art um and also because that song was the theme song for philosophy tube season one if you go back and watch some of my earliest videos in the first couple of years which i don't advise that you do um because they're not very good but if you go back and watch them you will hear that music and i decided i'm gonna use the theme song to philosophy tube season one um have you heard amanda palmer's cover of star i haven't known um if i have i don't remember it but i thought no no i need the original i need the original um yeah it was good will he do videos about non-binary identities probably not now if i'm being brutally honest with you um as i said earlier on i am not going to pivot to trans content it's been done that's not what i want it's what everyone expects me to do that is not what is going to happen uh philosophy tube will continue pretty much as you know it but now available in woman um yeah i'm not i'm not interested in doing videos about trans content and it's uh i think it's been done there's plenty of plenty of other people out there who can make that if that's what you want um lao feederman thank you for that super chat it's a thousand sec i don't know whether that's enough to buy an ice cream or a house uh i said i don't know what a sec is but uh hey thanks very much uh yeah are you keeping your middle names personal question not gonna tell you uh i'm going to show the video to the students of mind and world when we go over personal identity oh cool thanks george that's great yes i i really think that charles mills essay about the implicit whiteness of the cartesian subject is very very interesting i reference it i i know that a lot of people will pay attention to this video and be like trans woman and but actually the philosophy is really really good if you're just here for the philosophy then then charles mills essay is is very very interesting um which is why i like it um oh wow so apparently a hundred a thousand sec is a lot of money wow thank you very much okay i'll probably hang out for a form let me put on the the music that we like to that we like to end with um some emotes would be good this would be good can you give us a list of references for resources you use to help figure out your agenda no i'm afraid i can't like i said at the start one thing i am not going to do is i i cannot tell you whether or not you are trans i cannot give you permission to transition uh i believe me i know i know the desire to reach out to public trans people and say what do you think i know i know what that is like and i am not i can't tell you either way i'm afraid you're gonna have to figure it out for yourself if something i have made already has helped you then that's wonderful but i i can't i can't tell you that i'm afraid i've received thousands of messages from people asking me to do that and i'm afraid i just can't because i don't know you or your life so you will have to figure it out on yourself on your own um theodore martin is buying the hedonism shirt discouraged no go ahead go ahead i mean i my agent even said to me he was like do you want me to take the the hedonism shirt down because i have a picture of you shirtless with a beard like i was like no keep it up i've got one it's a power move i love it yeah i mean i think if i went to if i went to a con and there was a whole crowd of people wearing them a t-shirt with my old face on it i'd be like oh that's kind of creepy um but i don't mind you having one on your own you know it's great i mean i have one and i like it it's very soft it's such a power move because people no one's gonna know i mean you'll know but if i just wear out on the street no one's going to know like i'm like oh picture of some some devil and i'm like secretly a t-shirt with me how do you choose what books to send to patrons i always send the same one it's called other minds it's it's quite cool it's kind of a pop philosophy sciency book about octopuses it's fun do you have a discord absolutely not i used to i destroyed it because it's bad uh so yeah got rid of discord um so no i do i think there's an unofficial one somewhere but i am not part of it there you go um oh zeta zimmer wants to start doing their own video essays that's cool there you go people are saying would you be interested in talking about taoism i tell you what the answer to the question are you ever going to do a video about this is always maybe i don't know i don't plan them very far in advance i kind of know what the next one's going to be about it's about a a good a good sort of bit of classic ethics that gets you know you go over it a lot in philosophy 101 classes if you've taken a philosophy class you'll know these arguments you'll have engaged with them before i thought i would do that with just a little bit of a twist um and that would be that would be a nice fun one because again as i said earlier i know that the first couple of videos the the next couple need to be nice solid by the books straight down the middle philosophy tube so that all the people who watch casually will go okay yeah i can still i can still vibe with this um so there you go um a little bit a little bit of meat and potatoes says chat absolutely it's not the fragi problem um there you go somebody says are you gonna do a video about dogs i don't know dogs white dots uh i'm not going to tell you what the next one's about because you know i might get two thirds of the way through making it and go [ __ ] this isn't gonna work and decide to do something else and also i i have a policy of never telling anyone in advance what the video is going to be about because then i get a thousand people going you better not say this in the video and i'm like uh get off my back you know let me let me let me allow the creativity to grow in a special pot and then i will show you it when it's done um so i think we are coming to the end of tonight's live stream it's very nice i thought i wasn't gonna cry it's very nice to do a live stream like this for once finally to just get to do it as me to not have to do the voice to not have to change my clothes back as soon as i turn the camera off it's lovely so thank you all for coming out thank you to all 8 000 of you for turning up next time i'm not going to announce it in advance i'm just going to do it and and this is too many people it's too big um but thank you thank you all for coming out and for not just sort of being here on the stream but also just you know thanks for thanks for sticking with me and for for rolling with it um i can't answer why just go with me as as david said so i will love you and leave you thank you for turning up thank you for breaking youtube with the livestream sorry about that and uh take it easy and uh have a great night i'm gonna go home and have some ice cream do i have to do anything tomorrow no i don't i don't i might have a lion then all right take it easy everybody

Channel: Philosophy Tube Live

Views: 248,344

Rating: 4.9485226 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: ImEn_eg5w-A

Length: 81min 0sec (4860 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 06 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/eliminating_coasts]

Good stream, the observations she made about it being organised like a PR campaign strike me as fascinatingly relevant, but probably something to talk circumspectly about for a while.

But in general, it's interesting that what would have 20 years ago say have been seen as antithetical to authenticity are now becoming means by which authenticity can be achieved, at least intermittently as a way of threading more unstable regions. The metaphor of a PR "stent" of social identity comes to mind, and also the very nature of social media vs "real people" in a world of physical distancing.

At the current moment, under the current constraints, mediation is exactly what we've got, and yet also we manage to find expressive space within it.