Hi, we are One Direction. Hi, we're One Direction Hi, we're One Direction Hi, we're One Direction Hi, we're One Direction We're One Direction *before x factor Niall dancing and singing* I work in a bakery *Choir singing Christmas songs* *the boys beat boxing over it* Liam: two of my crazy band members they are just displaying here, how not to behave in the kitchen. ouch Voice over: How many are there??? The girls: Harry, Harry, you said I was the One Wagner: Harry, why haven't you returned my text messages? *romantic music* Voice over: So it seems like Harry only ever had eyes for Wagner. Louis: Zayn? Zayn: wot? As you all know, I'm a boy of very few words thank you *Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn singing and dancing to "Sexy and I Know It"* *screams* *grunts and shouts* Aiden: Next question is from half man, half woman. Harry: This question is from Chiara Salter *the fastest harry has ever spoke* Where do you want to be in the next two years? *wahhhhHHHHH* *the boys singing faith* Good night Louis: We're just, um, just throwing money into Cher's bag Mary: they're trying to kill me, they really are. Louis: Harry watch out! Harry: AH *singing "Something About the Way You Look Tonight" so angelically, while laying on his back* Niall: *singing* I want to live forever, Zayn: Eternal youth, that'd be sick Niall: *singing* I want to learn how to fly Zayn: *singing* hiiiIggggHHHHH Zayn: I wanna live forever maybe they'll remember my name, ooHH Toast to presenter with great boobs! have you seen Dermot's pair??? Hello! Louis: Zayn, Zayn Niall: Zayn, Zayn Zayn: Vas happenin?? Niall: Zayn, big shout out to the Irish people? Niall: Zayn? Irish people? Zayn: Vas Happening?? Have you got it as well? Harry: I've got it as well! Zayn: you want to try it? Try it, try it Niall: give me some, give me some! Zayn: Dring some, drink some quickly, Liam oh god! Vas Happenin'? Louis: Who do you think the winner is Liam? It's not you haha, but it's not you either Harry Styles! Harry: YES I WIN Louis: But I'm afraid you didn't win Guy: Like, Oh my god, this is so disappointing. Louis: So our winner is... Our winner is.... Not even you, its Harry! Harry: Yay!! I win! WOOOOOOOO Louis: Matt, you haven't won But Niall, you haven't either, because today's winner is Harry Styles! Harry: YES I WIN, I WON, YES, I WON AGAI I just think, SUPPPPERRRRRMAAAaaaaNNNNNN so we're gonna take a few of your questions... Thanks Barry, that was very, very, very, very... good *promotes the x factor webstie* Niall *mocking*: *heavy breathing* hahaha I'm liam. Was your biggest fear and why? I have a strange fear of spoons Ever since I was little I've never- that wasn't resemblance a spoon at all... Vas Happenin'! The album comes out in november and we- oh nice one :) Niall: Window wont go up- uh oh uh - uh Cars coming through-STOP I've stopped the traffic, And the people, and letting them through I've always been a massive fan of "Who Let the Dogs Out" I think melodically it's a really strong song For me, its "Who Let the Dogs Out" The video diaries are back, the video diaries- Inbetweeners dance GO! Niall: STOP Is it a video? Zayn: While we're in America as well, while we're in, was it Malabami? The boys: Malibu! Zayn: Malibu, Malibu, sorry. 'malibami???" *harry doing the sprinkler* Harry, Niall, and Louis: Hi, we're One Direction! And you're listening to... *Zayn and Liam unbothered* Interviewer: I'd imagine you do quite naughty things Harry: WHY? Interviewer: You seem like the naughty one of the group, if I'm honest. Harry: you have no idea.... WAZZZ UPPP Harry: Have you seen "Wind in the Willows"??? *ignores harry* Harry: Have you seen "Wind in the Willows"??? sooooo good! Interviewer: Shuffle or a moonwalk? Niall: Moonwalk while shuffling! Interviewer: Tea or chocolate? Liam: Chocolate with tea in it! Interviewer: Brown or blonde hair? Louis: Brown hair with blonde streaks! Interviewer: That is NOT an answer. Apple or Bananas? Zayn: Bananas with apples and tomatoes. Interviewer: Okayyyyyy..... hello kitty or winnie the pooh? Harry: winnie the- Liam: winnie the pooh's kitty Harry: At one point we were all topless! together! We've.... got..... a..... plan..... get ready for: One Direction Detection! Harry: you can fart from your armpit??? host: Harry, honestly, where have you- you've been locked away for too long Harry: sorry man Zayn: hello? Louis: OH MY GOD IS THAT- IS THAT ZAYN!?!? Zayn: uhhh, okay Louis: Zayn, im like your biggest fan! zayn: alright louis.. Louis: Oh my god, how did you get me so easy??? oh you watching it. Liam: *mocks Darth Vader* the force is strong. They look a bit new, so we're just gonna scuff them up a bit. Louis: Dont ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me! Harry: AHH NOT ON THE DS Louis: dont ya harreh So how far are you.. chicken filet! chicken filet is my favorite word for boob! Zayn: Loueh wot you doing? *Iconic Niall laugh* Louis: what should I say? Fan: "Can I get order a chili cheese fries" Louis:*american accent* hi, can I get an order of chili chips, please :) Louis: if I was to look in your feridgorator I've started so I finished, if I was to look in your feridgorator- refridgeorfretorator- fridge *dramatic violin version of Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me"* Louis: It would be a bit more emotional than that to be honest Harry: It was oooOVVVAAAA This is gonna be the last video diary for a little while, but we're going off to America. we'll see you soon Zayn: energy juice! Liam: Energy juice! Niall: Thanks for all your support. Thank you all for coming to the Tour And those of you that didn't get to come, maybe we'll do a tour next year and you'll get to pop along... *niall trying to be serious again and the others going crazy* Zayn: Come on Harry spin! Harry spin! Spin one more time! One more for good luck! there we go. Niall: *California accent* Oh my god lets go surfing Oh my god this is great! Liam: yeah I've got the fastest time, like, 2 minutes, dead. what. Louis: 2 minutes dead. He's not an endurance man. Louis: 2 minutes and it's all over. Liam: I'm trying to crack 2 minutes! Louis: take it or leave it! *legendary niall laugh* Louis: *high pitched* HHAHAHHAHA Louis: they're kinda different vibes, thats like a booby vibe. Niall: da booby vibe Harry: vibes :) Liam: booby vibe Interviewer: that could be the next single Louis: Yes! "That's What Your Booby Vibe Is". Louis: We have some news that we thought that maybe you should be aware of Harry here, has Harry: Dont say it Louis: I've gotta say it Fallen deeply in love. It was blossoming from the start. "I love her". You heard it here first Louis: Its One Thing. Interviewers: Okay... "its one thing"? Niall: thats a sugarscape exclusive Louis: its called One Thing Zayn: WHAAAT? are you crazy, youre not meant to tell em! Louis: well I've told them now :) Louis: In France.... Harry: *shakes head* Italy Niall: Italy Zayn: Italy Louis: Does it matta where we were?? the boys: YES IT DOES Harry: No games. No jokes. No fun. No laughing. No singing. No dancing. No fun. No games. Just serious. Liam: very serious Louis: Liam's mustache Liam: very serious Zayn: Yeah, yeah Liam: *reciting an SNL skit/song* Liam: step 1 Zayn: put your... Zayn:... d!ck in a box Zayn: step 2 then you open the box Louis: meanwhile Zayn's lost the plot Liam: I admire Zayn's big.... huge... quiff Zayn: alright thought we were going somewhere else there. Liam: I'd make that pigeon disappear Zayn: you horrible man Liam: He's gone Louis: I'd make that pigeon reappear. harry: whats this? Louis: AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHH AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHH THAT REALLY HURT THIS IS REAL THIS IS REAL IT DOES REALLY HURT Liam: I came home one day and my turtle was just missing a foot. Louis: Liam lives a crazy life. Liam: Hello. Fan: Hi Liam! liam: Uh You've got very colorful trousers on Fan: What? *little girl shows a pic of herself dressed as harry for halloween* Harry: Is that you? dressed as me? whattt? When was this? Halloween?! Its not scary How was it, fun? Did you get loads of sweets? Did you get this many, or this many sweets? this many sweets, good! Do you want me to sign it? *he is so sweet🥺* Sorry Harry. the weddings off we didn't have anything special. Zayn: I love your stanking ass? Interviewer: Can you say it? Zayn*american accent*:I love your stankin ass Liam: I love your stanking ass man. yo. Interviewer: we adopted you a Zebra from the Zoo. Zayn: whats his name? is his name Zebra? Yay! I have a zebra! 3 years later: Obviously, we've got to mention the Z word. the first album without- Harry: Zebra! where!? Interviewer: Circumcised or uncircumcised? Louis: I'm not circumcised Liam: Im not Circumcised. Interviewer: neither am I, high five! Louis: Beer five! Interviewer: There's a lot of pressure riding on this interview right now I'm sweating like a hooker in church because if I mess this up Liam: ope nialls coming to join us Interviewer: niall want to come and join us? Liam and Zayn: come on niall! :) interviewer: bye zayn: see ya later niall Louis: Harry, have her number Harry: is this you? Khloe Kardashian: Hi niall<3 Niall: hello khloe :) how are you you alright? Khloe: anyone with an accent can have a crush on me Zayn: sounds like shes flirty to me, think you better ask her out on a date Harry: Niall looks at pictures of you before he goes to bed. Niall: That's a lie Khloe: hope youre not alone when you look at those pictures ;) Harry: he is, and hes naked! Interviewer: if you were a chair what celebrity would you let sit on you? Louis: great question! Louis: that is a great question! omg what an amazing question. Louis: zayn, listen to this question: if you were a chair, what celebrity would you let sit on you? what a great question? Harry: Our award for.... SHAGGERS OF THE YEAR The boys: YAYYYYYY Zayn: well we're not quite sure what this one means, so... Liam: Yeah,,, we'll just keep it Louis: Its related to sex.. Zayn: is it? harry: what's that? Louis: ehhh, I don't know Interviewer: What's the naughtiest thing you've ever been caught doing by your parents Harry: I don't know if I can say it on radio nterviewer: when you come to a place the girls cream{scream }they pass out How does that feel? Harry: ummm I think *The boys lose it* Interviewer: good, huh?! Just say it! Louis:yeahhh Liam: really good Harry: its just not something you could ever get used to Louis:you could never get used to that no Liam:no, not at all *iconic niall laugh* Girl: Okay, and my friends want to know what you think about boyfriends? Boy fans...😳 Niall: *singing* if i was your boyfriend Girl: my awkwardness is showing, im sorry Niall: Its fine! shes not nervous! Girl: shaking😳 Interviewer: now i know which one harry is, youre harry. Zayn, youre zayn, and niall... Louis? Liam: yep Interviewer: you must be Liam Louis: thats right yeah harry: HA Zayn: yay! harry beat him! Harry: I got hit in the face with a tampon on stage once Interviewer: I don't even want to ask the follow-up question to that so I won't Niall: ? there is no follow up question? interviewer: Yes there is! Harry: the question is "was it used?" and no it was still in the package. niall: oh my god, holy shit Niall: omg how do you walk in these things? Niall: she said her jeans are falling down! girl: i didnt have a bra on, and my pants are falling down... harry: :) this is the BEST interview ive ever done! Harry: you, come on, cover this interviewer: would the band stay together if one of them left? and who would leave? Liam: Honestly, I genuinely don't think anyone would leave ever ever ever we'll be doing this- its never gonna happen Louis: oh god zayns left Interviewer: oh no Zayns gone everybody! Exclusive! Liam: swag is like cool and like yo fresh, homedogs, an R&B person little girl: *awkward* yeah liam: yo, homeboys Louis: Niall, from One Direction, Zayn, from One Direction Harry, from One Direction And Liam, I cant reach. Harry, a sock please, quicker we dont have much time. give me- zayn: ohhh that stinky Let's go crazy, crazy, crazy till we see the- louis: just stop Zayn: It's not, its not good at all. guy: just one more chance, yeah? Come on. harry I can be you with a wig? Harry: Im sorry bro guy: I could do your hair- Louis: GO AWAY! Louis: woah there we go! the boys in sync: WOW Louis: kay tea patero ninja Girl: ohh I'd show that niall a trick or two guy: quite the artists, aint ya Brenda? Hi :) Zayn: Being in the balls louis: being in the balls, ladies and gentlemen, that was Zayn's favorite! Louis:...anyway Louis: Just to go through this again, you're squatting and you're looking at your own... Interviewer: At your own have your own bottom Louis: I assume the bumhole? Interviewer: Well, it could be any aspect of your bottom Louis: What is it to make sure that you've wiped correctly. Or ??????? *One way or another plays* *Zayn:😈* *niall:😶😳* "mrs. Obama lets me in the back door really" Liam: whats a girl beautiful for you Zayn? zayn: uh I say it all the time, the lads always laugh, they'll probably laugh again. Harry: he never laugh zayn: yeah you do you always laugh Louis: we never ever laugh the boys: we never would! zayn: i think intelligence- louis: BAHAHAHHA *the boys lose it* *Zayn nearly falls on national television* N:Tonight.... L:we take this stage.... L:for the first time.... Z:we're ready.... H:are you? interviewer *talking about fanfics* : you and Nick Grimshaw on a rollercoaster touching each other, that sorta thing? harry: thats awful. Louis: Taylor swift? harry: yep :/ Liam: I just wanna say we've had this award 2 seconds and already we've broke it. Alan: and Louis is it true your going deaf from the screaming? I said deaf from the screaming! What do we do when we're bored? Niall: Well, I just sit around watch TV and play the guitar. Zayn: Oh so you strum Harry: wat? Girls: It's really odd. no, no, I swear Liam just moved Harry: haha *makes it short like louis'* Liam: *bug* AHHH AHHH Harry: GET AWAY, GET AWAY fan: what is he doing??? other fan: i dont know but its hot Baby if you say you want me to drive... ..to KFC chicken. I love chicken harry: ...you flip you hair gets me *moans* Harry: I love my hair today! thanks Louise! 🥰 Lou: stop touching me. don't touch me. stylist: louis why are you doing that? louis: cause brand spanking new looks weird!! *stylist cant comprehend* paul: youre a dancer, ~inside~ youre a dancer Harry: There's only so much you can get across in like 10 min interviews and you know on social media, this is a bit It's just a lot deeper and it's gonna be a lot more about- Louis: is that as deep as your voice? just checking Harry: *higher pitched* its it's gonna be a lot more about... *last first kiss reggae version* Liam: yeah yeah yeahhhhhh Louis: *mocks fans voices* yeah yeah yeah! Liam: if you just wanna take it slow Louis: *mocks fans voices*....and you just wanna take me home 🥺 *superhero teenage dirtbag montage* Niall: theres enough room for everyone. we're all having fun Harry: tHeReS eNoUgH rOoM fOr eVeRyOnE! come on barbie lets go party ah ah ah ah yeah Interviewer: you expect like: sex drugs and rock n roll Liam: wOAH niall: what is this?? interviewer: If you delete a little footage about drug and groupies in the hotels doing bad things witchu Harry: This... is.... a... Family press conference by the way Niall: loads of families here! Louis: what an imaginative question harry: ummmm i dOnT kNoW wHaT tHe qUeStIon wAs harry: come to me Yes! Im melting! Harry: yay! Louis: Melting!!! Interviewer: most likely to have a secret twitter account louis: and we know why 😏 liam: said her name was Georgia Rose harry: ouch🤕 *iconic niall laugh* zayn: im a vampire get away >:) Niall: Mark get the boom out of the shot, youre ruining it! what are you doing, mark? harry: NO NO Noooo Nooooo nooooo Harry: how's your meal? Guy: *some thick manly british accent* yeah, fantastic, yeah Harry: *mocking his accent* yeah, fantastic lads, lads table, yeah So when there's none of them in here, we trash it. zayn: big up yourselves harry: its a womb like flat liam: its got some very nice wombs grimmy: one bed-womb *niall talking* Harry: shut up bro niall: i hate you, just leave, please. Yeah, no, no forgot what he's gonna say. Niall: ... he just pissed off everyone. and nobody wants him to be here niall: I hate you, your such a child you have the mentality of a 5 year old zayn: and i sent a nude picture of harry to a group of 6 people Harry: that is not truuueee liam: wow can i see UH WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR paul: go niall! taking the crowd with ya liam: uhh I love Kfc? *melody o MM* "i love KFC" *Julian and liam and others singing "i love KFC"* "its greasy and its chicken and its chicken and its chicken" "i love KFC!" Loius: For me it's more of a general like maturity and like- Liam: matu- maturity from you? Louis: *sassy* uh yes liam actually, if you please give me a second to explain myself. Zoella: how many have you got in? well you have to count Niall: chubby bunny Harry: chuhybuhne harry: chuby bunie Zoella: How many of you got in? keep going keep going I think that niall might have a few more- you're dribbling you're dribbling harry: no way Zoella: was that 3??? niall: i've got the worst gag reflex in the world Zoella: Wait how many of you got? harry: *unintelligible mumbles* *the boys sing "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard* Niall: MARCEL Harry: ope hi niall: hey you know i used to be a dancer? Louis: really what kind? Niall: ehhh mainly tap louis: youve got the shape for that Harry: I want you to meet Leroy. He's gonna be your choreographer. Leeroy, hmmm Liam: Hi boys hi Liam you stay exactly the way you are because you are perrr-fect Louis: Last time I spoke to you you were really drunk. Yeah some guy: Awkward Liam: YES tommo Girl: anyway..... Harry: *mocks* anyway... Louis: hammered, wasted, sorry ill stop. harry: couldn't stand straight Interviewer: whats your secret talent? I can still do this *armpit fart* Niall: yESSSS Zayn: yo take them off slow bro "This is the song of one direction This is the song of one direction we like writing songs, one direction on a bad flow one direction, Here we go one direction, oh, yeah yeah, *record scratch imitation* liam: dolphin noises They're sensational! Im niall Im harry louis: OI OI Niall: These are my friends *so done* hi interviewer: can anyone show me a tattoo we havent seen before? What do we got Interviewer: im not gonna stop you Harry: im absolutely kidding. Interviewer: You are absolutely kidding, but it was exciting for a minute harry: um, family recipe two generations usually comes out on top, so we'll see Mark: theres pickle! gemma: oh jesus! Mark: come one, mr. styles! thats fantastic harry: I just, you know, I'm just really glad that they liked it You know, I kind of feel like my great-great granddad is- had cooked it himself louis: liam, come to da door a minute! 😏 harry: ewwww And our team name is: We're the bestest, we're the bestest what have you thought about the album so far? girl: its amazing! harry: you like it? girl: omg you actually in here harry: its quite warm in here isnt it the boys and crew: come on Niall! niall: omg Tyler: What is your middle name? Zayn: Beyonce interviewer:So, what would you guys do if you were the mayor of Auckland? Niall: well whats your public transport system like? Interviewer: little bit average niall: i think we should start spending money.... I think that you should- we should get a new maternity wing at the hospital, we've got a baby coming niall: I LOVE DUCKS! louis: thank you, niall🙄 piers: whats the thing you dont want to be asked? harry: ummm, lets go back to the autoque harry: can Oprah do this instead? we need oprah, lets switch him out. piers: oprah was too expensive. Harry: I mean first choice would be you piers: obviously Harry: I mean not so obviously and I'd go... *baby cries* harry: oh theres a baby's cry! piers: that is my daughter and you've made a cry, its her birthday today harry: I'm sorry, happy birthday Piers: She's two today and you just made my daughter cry. harry: I really like your pigtails Piers: what people to know is why? Have
you had a gun tattooed to your body? Louis: It's a water gun. Zayn: its a water gun it shoots water Louis: uh, liam, you've died once didnt you? Liam: mate, i've died a few times Defined girlfriends Harry: "Elmo says" "Cookie" Interviewer: You've stayed very grounded. haven't you. Harry: thank you Interviewer: how? harry: cause they havent paid me yet! im joking :) Interviewer: You guys are a brand more than band, what do you say to that harry: This isn't because I didn't have an answer and I'm stalling interviewer: I mean that criticism that you're a brand- you really dont wanna answer this question, do you? Harry: alright how long we've got left here *harry runs to niall, saying that was for you* Ben: okay, your face: dont smile, nice and serious! louis: Slight phobia of pigeons, birds *they look SO GODDAMN GOOD* Interviewer: niall youve got chest hair, you've all got facial hair. niall: louis, it still hurts. louis: that was a lot as well no nonono interviewer: maybe theres still a little boy in him louis: you can have some brooklyn, becker, braden, brazen and brizane Niall What's up, Morgan? Harry: Hello Morgan Liam: sup, girl Louis: yo, long time no see, girl Zayn: How's your guinea pig? girlllll Liam: How exactly are you feeling right now coming off two Brits, this is your third year at the Brits? how are you enjoying that? Louis: quite different to you Liam Payne because you've consumed a lot of alcohol, potentially too much liam: Zayn, What's going on with you right now? How are you feeling? What what is the word from you right now? Zayn: weetabix Liam: Can we ask for an exclusive radio one ticket to the gun show? Liam: Look ladies and gentlemen *iconic tour opening* Zayn: any rappers on tonight? liam: lil waynes performing little wayne, lil wheezy niall: rootie, root, roots the roots: and One Direction! *sings santa clause is coming to town* *thats hot* interviewer: you guys a fan of our team? Niall: Yeah, yeah, I was expecting a lot more out of- Harry: they have nice, they have nice shorts harry: your flies open, genuinely wide open Harry: well we do- this is how we always hang out actually Jimmy: you do-you have a fish eye lens Harry: we kinda just sit around jimmy: you dont sit in chairs normally? harry: no AHHHHHHH AHHH Niall: shes my new girlfriend, She's a bit like that statue of Barack Obama in my garden, it's good to have around Niall: thats Sir to you, dont call me niall Zayn: Sir Niall? Changed Louis: who is this music mongal... zayn: mongal? Louis: i knew as soon as I said it a mogul, a muggle, a mongal, whatever youd like Niall: never seen people like me before little irish fellas coming in with dyed hair and woooOO, dancing Niall: Jonathon, I've got a question, I'm gonna embarrass myself in before in front of about 400 people here I really need the toilet Jonathon: But we almost done here you want to hang on for a couple minutes, but thing is you can't relax and enjoy it when you need to go to toilet Niall: I wasn't enjoying itanyway Jonathon: And you learn a little bit the language in each country dont you? is that right? What are you learn in Japan? *sorry i cant spell Japanese words* Zayn: i didn't learn anything in japan Zayn: The first time I went on a plane I went on a plane with these boys So before the plane took off im sat with Louis on one side Liams on the other and louis goes "right when it takes off, its gonna do a loop de loop in the air" So like I remember for like 20 minutes of the journey I was waiting for it, to go like upside down, just terrified Niall: You know, we're coming into the airport all they gotta do is go "snap snap snap, cool, cool, cool, we're in LA" nice but instead " jab, jab, jab, push push push" not nice Niall: nervous, passionate, motivated by the gaffer Niall: OK LIAM *angry british accent* LETS GO OUT THERE AND GET THE 3 POINTS SORT THESE GEEZERS OUT! All RIGHT Liam: I had one kidney for a long time boys, so i'm well trained in that area Zayn: you never had 1 Louis: he never had 1 kidney it was a myth! Louis: he's fooled the world! ben: when you were a child someone said you had 1 kidney Liam: it was confirmed that one of my kidneys was scarred. right? But then when i went to the doctors when I was 18, somehow it healed it! Louis: we were told he didn't have one! Ben: the kidney just healed? Louis: we were told he didnt have one, it was gone! zayn: how does that happen? Liam: Oh, no, I always had one it was scarred. It just didn't work Ben: ok the one out of the five of you that actually doesn't necessarily have two functioning kidneys can hold it in for a full and you four cant Louis: hes buggng it, his kidneys are tops! Harry: there'll be no hoes at the stables niall, thank you very much Niall: I cant just like shit on the floor or something like that harry: "poo-poo" please niall: "poo-poo" Niall: whowhowho else harry: *mocks* whowhowho else harry: wot? liam: can you read or no? harry: oh okay Interviewer: You're on antibiotics? Niall: yeah Interviewer: Is it the flu, mate? Niall: dont know what it is, i'll tell you what man its killing me Harry: Thanks for telling me before we sat so close Harry: yeah its uh, highly contagious Interviewer: yeah, my ass is big! You like big asses?? yeah? okay! *Harrys face* *liam starts singing: i like big butts and I cannot lie* Interviewer: I want to play with you guys- what you doing? *harry mocks her as he sits* Interviewer: you've got a big ass too! Weird guy: Happy Monday one direction someone: you kidding me bro? Interviewer: And I'm 190 by the way Louis: yeah, how tall are you? 190? Liam: replay Louis: how tall are you? Interviewer: what is the next step? liam: replay high pitched louis: *high pitch* how tall are you? Louis: Yeah, that was weird, okay Louis: can you direct these mics a bit better, liam. Sorry about that. Harry: Sorry, I think one of the cool things about this one. Is that like each song might have been recorded and like three different places. Oh, oh dear Yeah, can I have a vanilla latte with a shot of that caramel creamer! Scott: when i am with you Liam: *high pitched* theres no place I'd rather be! Harry: *mocking paps* DO YOU HAVE ANY NUDES ON THE CLOUD? And i said "yeah, loads." interviewer: are you a hologram right now? Zayn: yeah exactly Im not real Harry: I dont know where Id go, but when youre in the vios it doesn't matter where youre going cause you always feel at home. Interviewer: wow. interviewer: whos the- the main fucker in the band? harry: father? interviewer: no fucker! with the girls Who has most with the girls? *disbelief on harrys face* Liam: *thows niall under the bus* Harry: louis tomlinson... niall: ...got papped snogging... zayn: ...taylor swift. the boys: woahhhhh harry: you know you could have told me louis: jesus wow louis: meanwhile, Zayn malik... ...swiped right on tinder for... liam:... Ben Winson! harry: And organic.... guacamole- im jokin harry: I used to be a baker so I love being in the back of a bread van☺️ Louis: "perfect" yeah, new single, have you heard it? interviewer: no, no, want me to tell you the truth Louis: you should have, before I spoke to you, you little shit. Harry: October 16- sack that off James: harry wont eat it he is off the unrefined sugar right now grimmy: oh my god, its like Annes here! *harry=done* Interviewer: whats the first thing you guys do when you get back home? Liam: I've got a massive Great Dane that I go and say hello to; he's funny. He's a big huge dog. Interviewer: a big dog? is that because you have something to compensate for? Liam: ohhhh no its just means we've got things in common Louis: ayeee brap brap brap!! *harrys robot voice*if i was beyonce for a day I would do a concert performing some of her many hits including: Single Ladies, Halo, and Drunk in Love. Harry: Im going out tonight, Im feeling alright, Im gonna have niall: a good TIIIIMMMEE harry: alright lets play, none of that. Louis: OI OI Baby look what youve done- done- done done- Grimmy: Hang on... thanks Niall Niall: ha. jesus. Liam: but i just wanna se ya. aaahhhHHHHHHHHHHHH Harry: we've lost another one! harry: we're dropping like flies! *Booty booty booty booty booty booty booty* Harry: its not about winners or losers, but we won! Don't understand the world's obsession with one direction what is attractive about little boys with gross hair and skinny jeans harry: of course... Liam: "please say: nakakapapa nakapa nakapagbagada harry: are you stood on a chair? crowd: ohhhHHHH harry: you're NOT stood on a chair??? How tall are you?? guy: 6'7'' Harry: He's 9 feet tall! the crowd goes like this........*....... the girl behind you is like "jesus!" girls: HELLO! Harry:*gotta zayn* girl: harry! dont run :) harry:*😑 ma'am get off me* Harry: give me an "oh yeah!" Crowd: OH YEAH harry: Give me an "ooh yah" crowd: ooooH yaH harry: give me an "oH yES" crowd: oH YES harry: give me an "ooooOOOH YES" crowd: OOOOOOHHH YESS interviewer: front page of the national enquirer says that obama is having a secret affair with you Harry: right.... I've heard some good ones in my time. harry: we've had a technical difficulty! HEY! Niall: "going out tonight changes into something red-" ahahhaHHAH this is the funniest thing ive ever seen Harry: We just really really love "Night Changes" Who wants to see any other songs? too bad, cause we're just gonna do this one over and over again Louis: Chicken... ...stuffed with mozzerella. liam: "stuffed" Louis yes stuffed liam, thats what Jamie Oliver said. ...wrapped in Parma ham... ...bang it in the oven... ...with some mash potato. and its not mash potato out the box, its some homemade mash and gravy. Harry: Oh Hi, I'm sorry I didn't see you there. That's totally awkward random. Niall: Where are we going today, mark? Harry: his face says: "shit, I've got chlamydia" Liam: who the hell put my seat heater on? Stop it man! My ass is on fire! harry: I'd do niall I tweeted theres nothing worse than waking up in the morning, you can't have a cuppa tea because you've got no milk, right Within an hour I looked outside theres someone ringing me bell relentlessly. its this like 45 year old woman, she comes to the door and shes like heres the milk. Im like, I mean thanks luv. jesus christ! james: Look, we've got some people here, say hello liam: shes been following me for weeks James: noooo! the boys: hello! Harry: drive safely! put your hands on the wheel Louis: you've got no belts on young lady james: seat belts on! liam: She's been following me for a while that one. I've seen her a couple times now. Alan: what was yours, harry? when did you go oh my god this is getting so big. James: Seatbelts on, seatbelts on if anyone needs a wee Harry: I need a wee James: hold it alan: how long does it take to get to a man bun? Harry: i mean,,,, 2 seconds... alan: no i mean to grow it long enough harry: oh! to grow! alan: woah it grows long! harry: I haven't cut it for about a year, I think person in audience: WOO harry: WOO alan: hair lover in the audience! louis: just have a cup of tea, you know what i mean, it's like them fucking avocados, Liam: Whats wrong with avocados? louis: trendiest food of all time, its like if i have an avocado and tag it in me picture, like you know what i mean, obviously im a boyo They do pissed me off avocados. liam: why? louis: becuase its like one minute you go to LA and you see people in LA and they've got fucking avocado on toast I bet you like it don't ya? liam: that's what I have most mornings actually louis: uhhhh, payno, cmon lad physically im fine, emotionally im bruised Bye goodbye! niall: just go on, leave, please
