I Watched Every Oscar Best Picture Winner (JOKE)

what's up movie enjoyers my name is evasive and welcome to the Christmas special what about this makes it a Christmas special um okay look at look at these lights look at these lights I got light with the holidays comes Oscar season that magical time of year when people young and old gather into nice warm movie theaters to watch some of the most boring and depressing movies ever made oh shut up I'm an NYU film school graduate sucker I can make a whole video just on weird Oscar moments but that would be too fun um instead I did something a lot more painful I watched every single movie that's ever won best picture all 94 of them there's 94 of these things so I'm going to talk about each one very briefly glossing over the ones that I think everybody has seen because let's be honest we really don't need another white person on YouTube talking about the Godfather and of course there will be some spoilers but let's be real are you going to watch these movies also I know that some of my opinions on these movies might be controversial but I just want to remind you once again remember I'm an NYU Film School who graduate sucker sucker please clap [Music] here we go first movie to ever win best picture it's about pilots in World War One this was a silent film but it was filmed with actual planes which means this is basically 1920s Top Gun it was the first widely released film to show nudity it had the first gay kiss are there any gay kisses in Top Gun no plus apparently they were having sex like all the time behind the scenes the actors had affairs with each other and the cast and crew impregnated an entire hotel elevator staff and that show biz baby second movie to win best picture was called the Broadway Melody and it is boring it is so boring it is historically important because it's one of the first musicals ever made so you gotta cut it some slack I guess but clearly musicals have come a long way since this [Music] [Music] way if you ever had to read this book in school or you're one of the brave souls that watched the Remake on Netflix and you already know this movie is super depressing it's about German boys getting brainwashed to go fight in World War one it's really rough to watch also this movie came out right between World War one and two and if you think about that fact for too long you won't be able to sleep tonight so uh so don't don't do that you know a movie is going to be a real winner when the only trailer I can find for it is a video of an actress promoting a free movie ticket with a box of Quaker Oats Quaker Oats April promotion is good movie ticket offer and the movie is going to be the year's greatest Cimarron both decide this movie sucks it starts with a cool scene recreating the Oklahoma Land Rush and then the rest of it is just so boring and racist and the main dude's name is Yancy cravat okay so this one is about a bunch of intersecting stories in a rich hotel in Berlin it's not bad but for my money if you're going to spend your time watching a hotel movie there are much better options out there the only other thing I'll say about this is that one of the women in this movie is named Gru foreign is about a British family and their life from New Year's 1900 to present day at the time which was 1933. everyone in this movie dies in the most dramatic ways it's really funny one of them gets killed in World War one after the war is already over the dad becomes an alcoholic and gets run over by horses two of them are on the Titanic Allah Robert Pattinson and remember me also according to Wikipedia this was his favorite movie [Music] this one is actually one of the first things they showed us in film school it's your typical rom-com guy Meets Girl on a bus hijinks happen they fall in love and she leaves her stupid fiance for the funny guy with a thin little mustache it's actually pretty funny for a movie from 1934 which is I guess why they showed it to us when we were 18. I would recommend it if you're into rom-coms as for the it and It Happened One Night um it's it's okay so this is a boat movie The only boat movie to ever win best picture besides Titanic Muny on the Bounty is exactly what it says it's about a mutiny on a ship called the Bounty the first half of the movie is the captain being an evil little British Gremlin man and bringing the whole Squad down so it's very satisfying to see him get kicked out of the group chat later [Applause] this is a biopic movie about one of the first big Broadway producers Florence Ziegfeld he died in 1932 leaving his wife with a massive amount of debt so she sold his life rights while he was fresh in the grave and this is the mood that came out of it it's got everything you'd expect from a Broadway movie it's got musical numbers it's got tap dancing it's got a long bit about bathing and milk that I can't find any good footage of I'd recommend it for Broadway nerds if it wasn't three hours long foreign this one is about Emil Zola a writer in France in the late 1800s who was known for bringing public attention to a guy wrongly accused of treason the guy who was Jewish he was accused because of anti-Semitism and they never mentioned that in the movie Once because Hollywood was literally afraid of pissing off Hitler at the time also the guy in the movie poster looks nothing like the guy in the movie like what even happened here you can't take it with you is a silly little movie about a bunch of weird artist roommates who refuse to sell their hype house to a company trying to build a factory it's by the same guy who made It's a Wonderful Life so if you've ever seen that you kind of know the Vibes here very hot take here but Gone With the Wind is the very definition of a movie aging like milk it's almost four hours long it's stuffy it's dull it's weirdly pro-confederacy the black actors are made to play racist caricatures it's historically important of course but unless you're interested in film history there's no real reason to watch this today honestly the only scene you really need to see is this one where a little girl gets eat off a horse and dies to jump watch me Daddy this is the only Alfred Hitchcock movie to ever win best picture it's a thriller where a woman marries a rich guy with a mysterious dead ex-wife and a housekeeper who later goes sicko mode and burns the house down also it got a Netflix remake in 2020 starring a real life cannibal fun fact this movie was supposed to be filmed in Technicolor but it was filmed in black and white instead so maybe we'd know how green the valley was if they had shot it the way it was supposed to instead of a Green Valley though we got a black and white movie about how depressing it is to be a coal miner in Wales spoilers it was really depressing [Music] this came out during World War II and it's about a British family dealing with the War I don't know it's a fine movie but what really matters is that the actor is playing the mom and the oldest son were banging IRL and they got married after the movie wrapped which just like makes every scene between them that much better [Music] well I don't think I can remember she can stand it I can play it yes both [Music] okay here's another room temperature milk of a movie going my way is a feel-good story about a youth pastor getting some kids off the street through the power of song and dance I would complain more about this but to be fair when this movie came out D-Day had just happened like two months ago so so after the happy Catholic movie the next winner is a movie about severe alcoholism the whole movie plays out like an episode of BoJack Horseman with the main character going on a four-day Bender in New York City this movie actually pissed off the liquor industry so much they got a famous gangster to offer Paramount five million dollars so that he could burn all copies editing Ava put up how much money this movie made so after a movie about alcoholism we got a movie about World War II PTSD the most interesting thing in this movie to me was this guy with hook hands the actor's name was Harold Russell and he actually Lost His Hands in the war so those were his actual hands he had never acted before and he didn't really act again after this movie but he still won an Oscar for best supporting actor he was the first non-professional actor to win Oscar and the only performer so far to sell off his trophy absolute Sigma mail [Music] okay spoilers The Gentleman's Agreement in this movie is literally just we all agreed to be anti-semitic Gregory pack plays a journalist who pretends to be Jewish so he can write an expose honestly it's Gregory Peck that makes a movie he's just so attractive and charming and I know that this movie came out in the 40s and he's dead now but what's up Gregory take me out to dinner hey have you ever seen Hamlet because this is just Hamlet and it's not even all of Hamlet they cut out a few characters and skipped some scenes so it's like a condensed Hamlet and that's why my high school English teacher showed us the version with Bill Murray okay this one's a little political it's about a guy named Willie who slowly climbs his way through southern politics and becomes governor of Louisiana governor Willie is basically like a socialist Alex Jones I know I know The Daily Show is not a pentagon weapon I'm not on The Daily Show I'm on MySpace look at [Music] despite what the title says All About Eve is also about Margot a Broadway star who takes a young actress under her Wing only to find out she's a creepy little [ __ ] who has no problem stabbing people in the back to further her acting career if you were ever in theater in high school it's kind of like that I think um I don't know actually I was in marching band foreign okay we're back to musicals in this movie Gene Kelly plays An American in Paris [Music] so this is an ensemble movie about people in the circus there's a bunch of characters my personal favorite was James Stewart playing a clown named buttons who was being hunted by the FBI for performing assisted suicides I'm sorry that's so much funnier when I read it out loud also check out the scene where a car gets hit by a train and flies into the air like a Grand Theft Auto glitch [Music] another Ensemble movie this one is about soldiers and their girlfriends chilling in Hawaii right before Pearl Harbor I don't really have much to say about this one Frank Sinatra was in it the guy who played Mermaid Man and SpongeBob was in it one of the characters is named Robert E Lee and they just like never addressed that on the waterfront is a slice of Life movie about what it's like to live in Hoboken New Jersey it's got a bunch of buff dock worker Union men beating the [ __ ] out of each other Marlon Brando is the star he won an Oscar for his performance this Oscar was later stolen and sold off a few times until a rich guy gave it to Leonardo DiCaprio as a president in 2013. Leo doesn't have it anymore though he gave it up in 2017 because it turns out the Oscar was bought with embezzled funds is it obvious yet I don't remember what this movie was about [Music] Marty is the movie equivalent of an Italian mother saying oh when are you gonna get married which sounds like a joke but listen to the scene I I say why don't you go to the Stardust Ballroom is loaded with tomatoes it's loaded with What tomatoes in modern terms I guess I describe it as a love story between a kind in cell and a sweet femcel I hate that I said that sentence out loud oh my God so you've probably heard of Around the World in 80 Days and that's because it has been remade and remade and remade and remade and remade and remade and remade it's fine but I would recommend just watching one of the remakes so you don't have to see a 21 year old Shirley MacLaine playing an Indian woman okay controversial opinion but I think Bridge on the River Kwai is better than Bridge of spies and Bridge to Terabithia because unlike those two Bridge movies bridge in the River Kwai has these guys spend the whole movie building a real bridge and then they blow it up at the end and it wasn't faked they had to actually build this thing and detonate it you think any movie today would build a whole Bridge no [Music] oh my God this one this movie starts with a musical number called thank heaven for little girls I can't resist a joyous herbs to smart and say thank Kevin all right we'll need to go every day it doesn't get much better from there I don't even really feel like explaining why I'm just gonna play you this rad Mountain Dew ad from the 90s [Music] thank you Ben Hur is a movie about a guy that ran into Jesus a couple times it's three and a half hours long they filmed for 12 to 14 hours a day six days a week with 200 camels 2 500 horses 10 000 extras 200 million pounds okay I do actually love this movie and not just because of the Vintage manic pixie dream girl it's a rom-com about a guy who lets his bosses use his apartment as a hookup house for them to cheat on their wives and this movie has aged like a fine wine it is so um it's just like yeah I better not get too close and I never catch clothes really I was wearing some figures from the sickness to actually play it's division you thought that the average New Yorker between the ages of 20 and 50 has two and a half calls a year till I found him [Music] sorry just kick the kid you could get 10 years for that [Music] here's another movie you probably know the title of but I've never seen it's another three and a half hour long movie about a British guy running around in the desert this movie has been dissected and analyzed for generations and I don't really have anything new to say except good news it's gay and the 80s director David lean said yes of course it's pervasively homoerotic throughout and certainly Lawrence was very if not entirely homosexual we thought we were being very daring at the time [Music] so you know that musty old couch in Grandma's house is like a faded floral print beige and smells like mothballs well this is the movie version of that couch this one just sucks I don't even remember the plot actually it's just like a Monty Python movie if you took out all the good jokes if you've ever seen she's all that or he's all that then you've also kind of seen my fair lady it's a musical about taking a naughty and making her into a hottie but also this guy is so clearly gay like he literally sings the song about how he wishes women were more like men why can't a woman be more like a man men are so decent regular Jacks ready to help you I just wanna [ __ ] a dude that's coming so sticky Like Glue that will bring us back [Music] [Music] this one's all about Thomas Moore a famous priest who refused to comply with King Henry VII and got beheaded for it Catholics like this one because it's all about Devotion to the church I like it because of the scene where King Henry VII throws a temper tantrum the full fat princess of the church Hypocrites all Hypocrites say that say she is my wife and not only Liars but traitors Your Grace is unjust if I cannot serve your grace in this great matter of the queen I have no Queen remember that bit in The Lion King where pumba's like hey call me Mr stopping well this is what that was a reference to they call me Mr Tibbs anyway this one is a murder mystery that's also about Southern Country racism there's a bunch of other absolute Classics that were nominated that year but the Oscars made the rare correct decision especially when you consider what had just happened in the news back then please sir I want some more please at Lisa I want some more please sir I want some more please [Music] Midnight Cowboy is a movie about a Texan moving to New York to make it as a male prostitute it's the only x-rated movie to ever win an Oscar though the only reason it was given an x-rating it was because of uh homosexual frame of reference and it's possible influence upon youngsters foreign also famously this is the film where the line I'm walking here comes from uh here is that scene now [Music] walk in here this one's for the war history Bros it's a super long movie about George Patton a general known for battling bulges and screaming at guys with PTSD the most famous scene in the movie is the opening where he talks in front of an American flag Americans traditionally love to fight all Real Americans love the sting of battle and now here's that same scene in Jackass 2.5 now I'd like to present to you Jackass 2.5 [Music] another classic example of the title being more famous in the movie itself The French Connection is your standard New York City good cop bad cop heroin smuggling car chase gunfight Santa Claus assault movie and then right after this the director did a 180 and made The Exorcist what's my name it's a whole new game you want creamy goodness I'm your friend say hello to my chocolate gland look how they messed with my boy [Music] foreign okay I'll be honest I'm a dumb little baby girl and I was so confused watching this but that's kind of the point I think because it's about a really complicated plot to kind of mob boss even the cast is confusing like look at this three of the main actors were named Robert there's a lot going on here anyway Saul Goodman probably watched this movie like a hundred times [Music] [Music] you can make a big thing about it [Music] Danny DeVito [Music] he put it back not controversial opinion but Woody Allen is a little scumbag but he's not the Title Character here okay Diane Keaton is the title character and we love her though if you do decide to watch this for Diane be warned you will have to see Woody Allen talk to the audience a few times like he's Malcolm in the Middle I can't believe this family Annie's mother is really beautiful and you know talking swap meets and boat bases the old lady at the end of the table classic this is a rough watch it's a three hour long movie about the Vietnam War and guys going through hell there's a really messed up Russian Roulette scene actually several messed up Russian Roulette scenes I would only recommend this movie if you want to make yourself really depressed or if you're a huge Meryl Streep fan [Music] speaking of Merrell this is the movie that got her her first Oscar it's very similar to marriage story except instead of kylo Ren this movie has Dustin Hoffman being an absolute evil bastard to Merrell behind the scenes famously shattering a wine glass against the wall without telling her slapping her groping her taunting her with the name of her recently deceased fiancee this this movie might actually be more depressing than Deer Hunter now that I think about it I'm out [Music] was really depressing too guys two Suburban parents lose their teenage son in an accident and the other son ends up in a psych ward this is another movie that I can really only recommend if you hate being happy and really want to feel like [ __ ] for a few hours foreign so you've definitely heard this song before [Music] yeah so that song is from this movie it plays in the opening credits and that's the best part of the movie the rest is just boring it's a bunch of political discussions about white guys running in the Olympics honestly just watch some clips from the actual Olympics it's a lot more entertaining foreign Gandhi is a classic among High School world history teachers there's a good chance you probably watch this in school at the end of the semester over the course of 3.47 class periods you know the Vibes who cares what the movie is when you don't have to do any work in class am I right it's a movie about Gandhi I don't know what else to say [Music] okay now we're back to the depressing movies this one is basically Gilmore Girls but very very very very very sad there's a list on letterbox called movies that make you incapable of Performing basic human tasks like breathing correctly after watching them because of how distract they make you and you best believe Terms of Endearment is on that list foreign is about Mozart I don't know it's exactly what you'd expect it's the Mozart movie my favorite part was Mozart's gay little laugh [Laughter] s here's another boring historical drama it's long it's dull it's hard to care about anything that happens in this movie Meryl Streep gets an STD and survives multiple lion attacks and somehow the movie is still boring I don't even know how they managed to pull that off noon is another depressing Vietnam movie this one's rough but not as rough as deer hunter mostly because this dope ass scene where Willem Dafoe and Charlie Sheen smoke weed out of a gun put your mouth on this [Music] smoke weed everyday [Music] The Last Emperor it's about the last emperor of China it's pretty neat the set design and the costumes really pop off I just think it's weird that they're speaking English the whole movie I get that this was made for American audiences and nobody wants to read subtitles but I was thinking if I was a real emperor I would become the ruler of China now foreign [Music] ER hello Raymond I should feel a little more relaxed in your favorite Kmart clothes tell them Ray teamwork sucks full Miss Daisy is an old racist who won't let Morgan Freeman stop the car to pee I don't know whatever it's just kind of an insulting that this one best picture will do the right thing wasn't even nominated but that's the Oscars darling foreign fact about this one my history teacher in eighth grade was this big Italian man and he showed us this movie in class and did not skip the sex scene and I felt like he didn't know it was there he shows the movie every year he just really wanted to make a bunch of jokes about it being a red-hot love scene get it because there's a because there's a fire in the background he was really he was really funny he was a really funny man also nobody in this movie actually Dances with Wolves sorry furries [Music] thank you foreign [Music] unforgiveness Clint Eastwood's Last Cowboy movie He plays a retired Outlaw who picks up his guns one last time to go bouncy hunting and save the Family Farm best part of this movie to me were the character names we got William Money Little Bill English Bob strawberry Alice quick Mike Sally two trees fuzzy Texas slim Lippy McGregor foreign [Music] it's Schindler's List [Music] Forest I never thanked you for saving my life foreign but I think he made his peace with God okay between Braveheart and the movie where Obi-Wan Kenobi does a lot of heroin the mid 90s were a very important time for Scottish people it is a very historically inaccurate movie though mostly because I can understand what Mel Gibson is saying without subtitles I am William Wallace foreign my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny okay [Music] sorry Academy you can't fool me I know the real life guy this movie was based on help the Nazis okay I have Wikipedia you can't make me care about him [Music] um oh I don't know to you I don't know what to do okay okay calm down Jack listen to me boys help me oh my god oh no oh no [Music] this is a Shakespeare fan big about him writing Romeo and Juliet people mostly remember it these days because it beats Saving Private Ryan at the Oscars and also for this really weird scene where Shakespeare grabs a kid by the balls oh are you ready to fall in love again um your voice no no a touch of gold only [Music] scared of me no I'm not you want to see the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed [Music] this is one of those days it's a minute away from snowing there's this electricity in the air okay another hot take I'm sorry film Bros but Gladiator is kind of mad I mean it's got some cool scenes but the action is edited so badly like look at how many times it cuts when Russell Crowe fights the Joker foreign [Applause] [Music] so my economics teacher in high school he used to wear dirty Grace wet pants with a dress shirt to school every day tried to show us this movie during the last week of school and nobody paid attention um and as an adult I still didn't really pay attention it's about a famous mathematician with schizophrenia and I haven't done a math problem since 2015. so it wasn't really for me she cut [Music] it's a city that's exciting it's a city that's inviting it's a city for a woman just like me there's a lake they call like Michigan I think I'm really fitting in this city is my perfect cup of tea your hair changes dramatically uh from short to long do you wear wigs uh no I do not have you worn wigs no I have not will you wear wigs maybe when will you wear wigs Million Dollar Baby is a movie that's famous for starting off as a girl power boxing movie and then tearing your heart out real quick if you really want to know what happens just watch the hundred dollar baby episode if it's always sunny unless you like feeling terrible in which case you should totally watch this movie [Music] not to be confused with the Cronenberg movie about people who are horny for car crashes crash 2005 is notorious for being one of the worst Best Picture winners ever and is more well known today for being that movie that one over Brokeback Mountain Brokeback Mountain I'm so sorry honey I'm so sorry it's another Ensemble movie about racism and if I had to sum up how it handles that topic in one word the word I would choose would be a static jpeg image of the ham fist robot from the SpongeBob game every character talks like a racial stereotype Sandra Bullock's entire character is that she hates Mexican people there's a scene where Michael pina's daughter leaps a mile to jump in front of a gun with the worst the worst part of this movie is that there is a scene where a cop stops a black couple people and molest the woman and then near the end of the movie she is supposed to swallow her Pride so that the same cop can save her from a car crash and that's the scene they put on the DVD cover I just I in a turn of events that shocked literally no one writer and director Paul Haggis was later found to be a sexual assaulter himself so [ __ ] you Paul how's that Karma taste you disgusting [ __ ] [Music] an American remake of a Kong Kong movie The Departed is about Irish Boys in Boston Irish boys and boy hang on Irish boys and Irish Boys in Boston anyway this is basically The Score says he gangster movie equivalent of that SNL sketch about Dunkin Donuts I never mind that hey gonna be my buddy doing for the movie right here Dewey tell me your favorite donut is I don't want to be in there come on pal it's a movie tell them what your favorite how you like the vanilla nut taps foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] say what you will about Jeremy Renner and it's weird app but him and the other actors in this movie went through hell for this temperatures average 120 degrees Fahrenheit over the 44 days of shooting they had no air-conditioned trailers or private bathrooms Jeremy Renner got food bugs then food poisoning he lost 15 pounds in three days also the bomb suit he had to wear in every scene weighed 100 pounds oh my God ew can you imagine how terrible that thing must have smelled oh stinky [Music] I think anyone who isn't violently British would agree that best picture probably should have gone to one of the other movies that year that being said I still thought it was pretty funny to watch Colin Firth do an impression of the Angry Video Game Nerd [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] it up [ __ ] off bulls [ __ ] and [ __ ] and tits Best Picture winners coming full circle now the artist is a film about the 1920s it's presented like a silent film from the 1920s until the plot moves into the 1930s and the main character starts freaking out because silent films are dead and there's no way a silent film can win best picture in 2011. [Music] Argo is about an actual Mission the CIA did in the 1970s where they sent guys to Iran to pretend to make a sci-fi movie as a cover while they held hostages Escape it's good obviously they embellish a bunch of facts for dramatic effect but nobody cares so I'll go [ __ ] yourself [Music] it's 12 Years a Slave Birdman is one of those movies you either love or you hate uh personally I'm indifferent because I'm not like other girls it's a movie where Michael Keaton plays himself and Birdman is a stand-in because they couldn't get the rights to Batman the whole movie is designed to look like it was filmed in one take which is pretty impressive but also Boyhood was nominated that year and that movie took 13 years to film so I mean Spotlight is about journalists in the Boston Globe writing an expose on the Catholic church again I don't really have much to say it's Spotlight Spotlight Spotlight Spotlight spotlight [Music] okay two light movies in a row Moonlight it's a beautiful Coming of Age film that was eclipsed by the Oscar ceremony accidentally announcing that La La Land won best picture this is not a joke I'm afraid they read the wrong thing this is not a joke Moonlight is one best picture anyway instead of talking about Moonlight here's a Snapchat video I saved in 2017 of the actual moment that that happened [Music] she has sex with a fish man she has she has sex with a with a fish okay we can all agree this one blows it's so tone deaf but pronounced tone like Polly Walnut saying Tony I didn't hear what you said Tom ah damn it Tony you're there oh there's literally a scene where the white guy harasses mahershla Ali until he eats KFC it's so [ __ ] bad and look at the other movies that were nominated this year this is just insulting man I hate the Oscars hey have you watched parasite yet have you have you watched parasite yet hey have you watched have you watched parasite yet [Music] no madland is a movie about Francis McDormand living in a van I don't know how else to describe it that's the movie It's kind of depressing I don't know I'm almost at the end of the video I've been recording this for like three hours and I really don't want to talk about these movies anymore [Music] oh thank God this is the last one Coda stands for child of deaf adults and it's about a child of deaf adults who wants to be a singer but she struggles with that for obvious reasons it's a heartwarming feel-good movie I don't know what do you want me to say like I don't want to talk about these movies anymore this script is 14 pages long why did I do this to myself foreign and there you have it every movie that's ever won best picture final words um don't do this don't watch every Best Picture Winner of all the movies that won best picture these are the only ones I'd recommend to everyone maybe these if you're interested in the history of film and these if you just enjoy feeling like [ __ ] my name is evasive and I am so tired I'm gonna go watch some real Cinema and fall asleep on the couch bye guys and more than the sight of it I love the taste of it the taste of hot freshly killed blood could you give us some of your political beliefs kill everyone now condone first degree murder Advocate cannibalism eat [ __ ] filter my politics filth is my life take

Channel: Evasive

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Id: tZ42y47wLAY

Length: 41min 10sec (2470 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 26 2022