I was drunk the whole time - The Office US

morning temp morning wow good morning Dwight I'd go casual today morning everyone good morning hello how you doing how are you Phyllis that's funny take that switcher off Big Tuna is a super amb vicious guy you know cut your throat to get aead type of guy but I mean I'm not threatened by him I went to Cornell you ever heard of it I graduated in four years I never studied once I was drunk the whole time and I sang in the Acappella group Here Comes Treble my first order of business make Andrew Bernard my number two my first order of business except as if you had a choice duh opportunity of a lifetime 3 months ago I was nowhere I was just a Cornel grad in Anger Management look where I am now not bad all righty let's get started what is she into I know Pam pretty well I know the things that she likes and just as important I know the things that she hates so one of the things that she likes is pranks and the things that she hates frisbee based competitions are you kidding she I started the main Frisbee Golf Club at Cornell where I went to college I live to frol lead off with that how can you keep defending him he's good at his job and I like working for him of course you do Jim you're a man D'Angelo is a huge sexist whoa whoa whoa I think if he was sexist I'd be able to tell I took a crapload of women studies courses at Cornell and I wrote my own companion piece to The Vagina Monologues called the penis apologies so I know a thing or two hey buddy Andy remember when I jokingly yell at you to take your sweatshirt off totally joking but you should know those colors are sacred not that I care but if you're not a Cornell man you probably shouldn't wear them no I get it I I totally understand and uh I just want to assure you that I mean no disrespect you see I'm applying come on you think you get into Cornell well if someone who barely out sells Phyllis can get in I should be fine I'm sitting right here Dwight I meant that as a compliment to you Phyllis as well as a slide to Andy Cornell is a good school and I want to better myself through higher education if it makes Andy angry so be it whoa Mr Maguire it's been a couple years hey Jim how are you nice to see you man oh new new no new my grandfather would be spinning in his ear if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy you take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you sir I am totally and completely kidding Andrew Bernard Cornell 95 the Maguire Dart 74 got some blisties yeah you do hit about 1,200 balls last night in preparation for today so hands are a little tnder it's actually not funny at all it's incredibly painful I am going to begin this process with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity what is the best color white because it contains all other colors wrong black it is the most dominant how do you make a table you make a chair but you don't sit on it what is a capital of Maine capital of Maine is mtpar Vermont which is near Ithaca New York where where I went to Cornell okay also moratorium on Cornell Talk don't want to hear about it forget your personal history and learn the history of this company should not be a problem I minored in history in the Ivy League school which I attended you're not off to a very good start Bernard I agree but in another way I am off to a very good start wouldn't you say hey there so uh how do you think we're going to do against Penn this year Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong he's had a pretty good season so far mhm stop saying we you did not go to Cornell okay you're just doing this to screw with me not so Cornell is an excellent school without its agricultural program we probably wouldn't have cabbage at least not modern cabbage I know it's an excellent School Dwight I went there my blood runs big red someday we'll both get together in comto Hall and just laugh about all of this what lab did these little clones escape from my Cornell Acappella group you were in an AC capella group you went to Cornel yeah okay ha but you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our Halloween party G I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that I do I love the boss's interest that a boy Clark where your boy staying how does it work in the room you get a privacy partition no no no no no stay away speaking of funerals why don't you go ahead and go die oh that was a really well constructed sentence you should be an English professor at cor not University idiot if I were an idiot I'd be driving a Trans Am if you were driving a Trans Am you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world idiot you're the idiot nice comeback I was making fun of your comeback that's what it worked take that down excuse me take that down you know I once dated a couple guys from Cornell they were really nice they gave me a ride home I seriously doubt that anyone from Cornel dated you it's pronounced Colonel it's the highest rank in the military it's pronounced Cornell it's the highest rank in the ivy league Andy let's just talk about this manto man after work F you say okay good can we that's big red bear that's a bobble big red bear God up man sometimes seems like it was better down in the warehouse you know when I was a freshman in college I worked at the student newspaper the Cornell daily son this is it Cornell I had to write an oped column every day Bernard's regards this was your freshman year I started to ask myself do I have big plants here I didn't want to become editor of that paper so I got up and walked right out of Walter Bernard Hall and that's actually when I heard eight male voices singing unencumbered by instruments I was hooked so he becoming CEO of this company your AC capella group dudes what's up I know it's pathetic to relive your college Years but cut me some slack okay because I was a freaking Rockstar in college when I joined herc treble that's when I became somebody when I got the nickname boner champ that is when I became me you didn't come here to sit in a room right came here for some intergenerational bro time well now's your chance I'm here you got Q's I got A's did you say you've got AIDS no I don't have AIDS it's not what I said next question you don't have any any questions about the old days you at least want to know why they call me Boner champ I thought Brock Rob was the boner champ I'm sorry what I just thought broccoli Rob was the boner champ Brockley Rob was Brockley Rob Annie Bernard is the boner champ Dwight Andy I've been meaning to ask you which Acappella group should I join the harmonia or the DOR Migos assuming you had the voice to be in any of them it's irrelevant because I called Admissions and it looks like I will be conducting your University interview that's a conflict of interest yeah big one so should I not let you in now or do you want to do the interview and then I won't let you in interview excellent when The Hourglass strikes three then in the room when employees confer what the conference room okay just listen I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday you me bar beers buzzed Wings shots drunk waitress's hat football Cornell HRA Slaughter then quick nap at my place and we hit the tear down no I don't want to do any of that duh which is why I was joking about doing it no just stop stop just stop doing it you're going to drive me crazy fine I'll just go sit at my desk and be quiet sorry I annoyed you with my friendship how are you Andy really things are going well actually I spoke at Cornell during commencement week I mean the seniors invited me as a joke but it was a huge success well I bet it was a smash that's how I got my new job in the admissions office is that a volunteer program or no it's a job things are going great what am I going to do move back to Cornell yeah I mean what if we did that like we got jobs and we were happy all the time oh well Andy we're not moving to Cornell duh I know that would be insane yeah we could totally work though I don't know why we wouldn't oh my God are we doing this o Andy what is going on if I am not boner champ I don't know who I am well you know maybe you're the wise old guy that the new um B our champ looks up to you know you could just make a donation well I was going to say a mentor yes I'm going to make a donation let's see how well you know your big red history bring it who was Cornell's eighth president Dale Raymond Corson I'm sorry that's incorrect Cornell's seventh president was in fact James a Perkins comprehension skills subpar H interviewing skills subpar what are you writing can't even give Cornell your full attention on the contrary I'm helping Cornell by evaluating their interviewers nobody wants that to happen well when they get my evaluation we'll see if they're interested applicant is attempting to Blackmail interviewer showing low moral character interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and denain accusations interviewer has suspect motives applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid interviewer has turned off applicants interest in Cornell and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth ever heard of it I think I have everything every have everything I need hearing from the cor department will not be pleased with the result your affiliation completely completely that is all sir you may go far above caug waterers with her waves so blue stands are Noble Al what is this song are you insane it's the Cornell fight song listen all right thank you very much we're not interested I graduated from Anger Management the same way I graduated from Cornell on time now I'm back got a second chance and I'm not going to blow it so look out to under Mifflin I mean look out in a fun way you know not like I'm going to hurt you you might feel sorry for me but I actually feel sorry for you because you're about to leave Cornell so say it with me oh I can so just sit here and cry oh yes you did good real good thanks Dad Daryl I spent so much of my time here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old Pals my college AC capella group the weird thing is now I'm exactly where I want to be I got my dream job at Cornell and I'm still just thinking about my old Pals only now they're the ones I made here I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them someone should write a song about that Mom I had this really charitable idea to set up a scholarship rockapella kids at Cornell and just need to wire some money over there what busy huming of the buling Town against my parents are broke speeded onward loud her Praises tell H to [Music] the H [Music] Cor

Channel: The Office

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Keywords: the office, the office full episodes, rainn wilson, john krasinski, steve carell, michael scott, the office fire drill, jim and dwight pranks, dwight schrute, jim halpert, jenna fischer, the office funniest moments, the office bloopers season 1, the office cpr, the office parkour, Best The Office Moments

Id: JGyzI66Z9rs

Length: 15min 29sec (929 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 09 2024