- The trolley problem: A trolley's headed towards
five people on the tracks. - Oh no, I'm on the tracks!
- Oh no, save me! You can pull a lever, diverting the trolley
and saving those people, but in doing so, you'll run over one other person. - Come on! (indistinct) - Most people choose to pull the lever and save five people. But, what if that one
person is someone you know? What if those five people is
your favorite K-pop group? And so on and so forth. I love making my friends argue about hypothetical situations, so I decided to take the trolley problem and turn it into a game show. This is, "Trolley Problems!" (applause) Welcome to "Trolley Problems," where no matter what
they choose, they lose. - I didn't know that was the tagline in the show.
- Yeah. - I feel way less good about being here. - Uh-oh! There's a trolley heading
towards five people. You can pull the lever, diverting the trolley to another track; but in doing so, you'll
run over one other person who's just, like a really great guy. His name is Terrance, he just got married. He and his wife are expecting their first child in the spring. What do you do? - I don't pull that lever, I leave, I don't tell anyone I was there. I don't tell, we all face so many
active trolley problems every single day. Right now, we are actively
choosing to be here instead of, I don't know, taking the time to donate $5 to save a life from malaria. - Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I didn't wanna be part of this mess, but I'm already dragged into it. So, is it better for five
people to die, or one person? - Boom, someone just died of malaria that you literally could have saved while you were saying that,
- I don't understand, Like, we can do a lot of things. Is there a prize? - That's a great question. Let's meet our contestants
and what they're playing for. He's the host of Mythical Kitchen and wrote a new (censored)
that he wants to promote, it's Josh Scherer! - What's the bleep?
- If you win, you're gonna have a chance
to promote your project. - Oh, that's very cool! - [Zach] We've trapped him in our studio and he sells hyper realistic
(censored) kits on TikTok, it's Jonnycakes Mongibello! - Hyper realistic (censored) kit. Actually, I don't think it
needs any more promotion. Buy my (censored) kits. - Josh, I did notice
your (censored) on the, if we could just go ahead
and get rid of that. - Oh, that's fine, yeah. I'll just get rid of,
- [Jonny] Hide it. Hide it. - Oh, it's so slippery, I just can't! (Zach and crew laughing) - Look, I'm rooting for you, man. I really want to give you a chance. - Damn, I wish I had
brought my (censored) kit. (Zach and crew laughing) - We polled 500 members of our community and with a whopping 70.6%
margin, they pull the lever. Jonny, congratulations. You get the point. - Oh, so that's how this game works. - [Zach] Yeah.
- Oh, I didn't know. I love game shows where you
don't know what you're doing. - I do really identify
with this trolley problem. But also, I understand it's, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it, does it make it sound? It an unanswerable question.
- No, no! It doesn't! - Of course it makes it sound, you can like measure it. Even if nobody is around,
- No, it doesn't! - There are laws of
physics, there is entropy. There's like, Kepler's laws of motion are still (indistinct)
- Sound is made within our heads.
- No, because sound is literally not made within our heads, that's how you process it. - I thought this was, they
trapped in here with me, but I'm realizing I'm
trapped in here with them. Uh-oh,
(train whistle blowing) A trolley is headed right to your mouth to feed you a ghost pepper! You can pull the lever, choosing instead to eat a cockroach. What do you do?
(indistinct) - [Josh] Are you serious? - [Jonny] Do you have 'em here? - Yeah, I've eaten a ghost pepper before. It is pretty bad, it'll put you out for
like three, four hours. You're gonna go home, you're
gonna be pretty uncomfortable. If you have any sort
of IBS or indigestion, it could affect you the next day. - I do.
- Yeah, Zach does. - I really don't want to eat a cockroach, I'm trying to eat less meat in general. (Zach laughing delightedly) But when I go home today, I have to do my final day of turning random shit in
your office, into cake. So, I have a important
day, it's important. The work I do is important, Zach. - It's important. - So I think, actually, I
can't be out for the count shitting my brains out. - You're not playing a hypothetical here. - Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm sorry, I've watched enough of
these goddamn videos to know that Keith is in a dress, in a very sexy dress. He's gonna part the set, walk out with a tray of
cockroaches and ghost peppers. - Well, now I'm thinking there's an even worse twist. I don't know, I don't like this. I feel like we're gonna lose either way. - [Jonny] Yeah, we are. - What if I told you that the cockroach's name is Terrance and he just got married? (everyone laughing) (train whistle blowing) Time to make a choice! Three, two, one. (levers clattering)
Woo! - Oh, and I see Rachel moving. I see Rachel moving.
- Rachel's moving. - Uh-oh!
(train whistle blowing) Josh, Jonny, this is your hill to die on. (character screaming) To lock in this answer, you're gonna have to put your money where your mouth is. - Did you know what this is was? - The last video I did, I got a text the night before, "Are you comfortable taking
your shoes off on camera?" (crew and Zach laughing) - So we could not get edible cockroaches, but we got the next best thing. Something that is actually
quite delicious: scorpions! This is your hill to die on Jonny, do you want to eat the
scorpion to score your points? You don't have to. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to. I mean, you're not telling me I have to, but I have to. - [Zach] Do you want, like, a Bubbly water or something? - Yeah, I'd love a Bubbly water. - Okay, what flavor do you want? - Anything other than scorpion will do. Okay, ready? I'm gonna do it. And I'm worried I'm gonna throw up, but, y'all did this to yourselves. Oh, no. Oh no. Oh, okay. Remember when we were about
to jump out of an airplane? That moment being like, "I can't do it."
- Yeah? - That's how I feel right now. - Oh my God. (dramatic music)
(crunching) - Don't think about what's
in your mouth, just eat it. (applause) It was okay, it wasn't as, it tastes dusty. - [Zach] Josh, step on up.
- All right. - [Zach] So you'd like to lock in the answer of scorpion?
- Yeah. - You've done this before.
- You had ghost peppers though prepared to eat?
- [Zach] Scotch bonnets. There's scotch bonnets? I actually really loves scotch bonnets. You know about scotch bonnets? - Do you want one to chase it down? - What? You're getting, like,
- I'm gonna try. - A little bit of dustiness,
but the legs, I mean, it honestly tastes like a corn nut. - [Jonny] Yeah. - Scorpion's good. According to our Patreon audience, 83% would've preferred the pepper. - [Josh] What?
- No points for you guys, unfortunately. - I got a notification to vote in this. I should have. (Zach laughing delightedly) I'm a Patreon member. (crew laughing) - Uh-oh!
- [Jonny] Oh no! - One slug will follow you around for the rest of your life. And if it ever catches you, you're gonna swap bodies, becoming a slug. Or, you can pull the lever, unleashing 100,000 slugs who will instead hunt
you for only one month. Where you going? (Jonny belching)
(Zach laughing) - Question: can slugs
like get in like any, (stuttering) - What is slugs? How does slugs works? - These are sentient slugs who have one mission in life.
- [Jonny] Yeah. - And that is to get you. - Say I take a bell jar
and I put it over the slug. - But how are you gonna know for sure - [Jonny] Which slug?
- That that's the slug? - God.
- Yeah. - I think the obvious, quick answer, is hundred thousand for one month. Whatever, I'll go in a box
for a month or whatever, you know, wherever you go for a month. (crew laughing) - To where? To box?
- [Jonny] Like, a box. - The slugs aren't slugs, right? The slugs are death. Right? We all have a slug currently chasing us. - [Jonny] Right, right.
- That's what this is. It's the one slug, and I am not going to protect myself against this slug at all. It is tiny. When could a
slug possibly catch me? I'm going to go about my day, like I do every single day. - What if it comes in your
room while you're sleeping? - What if you have Hodgkin lymphoma? (Zach and crew laughing) Like, that's life, Zach. That's it, that's what we signed up for. - No, no, no. I disagree, because the slug is after us. We don't know if Hodgkin
Lymphoma is after us. - Well, I don't know. Is there a merciful God? Is the universe random? We don't know. - I want to go home, now. - So,
(train whistle blowing) lock those answers in. Are you gonna let the slug follow you, or unleash 100,000? (levers clicking) You've decided to unleash 100,000 slugs and 65% of our audience agrees. - Get an airtight box.
(crew laughing) Well, don't do that 'cause then you have no chance. - Man dies of auto
non-erotic asphyxiation. - That is the end of round one. Jonny, you're in the lead. You've unlocked a little mini game. - Oh!
- This one is called, "Or Pride Month." Jonny, would you rather only take cold showers
for the rest of your life, or end Pride Month? (Jonny and crew laughing) - Oh no! Oh no, I'm gonna get in trouble - [Zach] You're really?
- 'Cause I am not taking cold showers. (Zach and crew laughing) I take a long, luxurious shower. I'm gonna get in trouble with the gays and the environmentalists. - Jonny, I have four of these that were gonna escalate, but we apparently found the one. - (censored) them gays, I'm taking hot showers. I'm sorry, gays. I'm sorry. I've given you enough. I've given you a lot. - For the record, I'm still an ally. I still donate to the Trevor Project and they do really good work. - Oh my goodness. Y'all ready for round two? - No, we can be, hey, hey, hey, we can be
proud of ourselves every day. - There it is, there's the old PR flip. (choir singing) - Welcome to round two: harder! Uh-oh, the trolley's gonna run over a horrible white supremacist, who also happens to have
the cure for cancer. - Oh, no. - [Zach] Or, you can pull the lever running over George Washington Carver. (Josh laughing)
- Oh my God. I'm just trying to think the way I could get least canceled. (Zach giggling) - Peanut butter. - He actually didn't invent peanut butter. He used the farming of peanuts, as well as other agricultural techniques, to uplift communities. But think about all the
people with peanut allergies. - I think there's more cancer patients. (Zach laughing) - Can I kill the white supremacist after he gives us the cure for cancer? - You'll probably go to jail. - I would do that. - [Zach] You are,
(Josh laughing, clapping) - I mean, listen, listen. We all love peanuts and I don't want to take anything away from George Washington Carver. - George Washington Carver, he promoted alternative crops to cotton and he also developed methods to prevent soil depletion.
- Okay. - He is one of the most
prominent environmentalists in American history.
- [Jonny] Okay, okay. - Are you going to let the trolley run over the racist man
with the cure for cancer, or pull the lever and say bye-bye to George Washington Carver. - I wasn't even at that trolley. I didn't even see shit, man. I wasn't there, I was
at the Sonora car wash. - This is a tough one. You don't seem to feel good
about this decision, Jonny. - No, I actually do feel good about it because white supremacy is
a cancer in and of itself. (crew laughing, Josh clapping) - [Zach] 73% of our audience agrees. It's a point for both of you. - I don't take, it's not a good point. (train whistle blowing)
- Mama Mia, here we go again! Mother Theresa and the
entire cast of "Mama Mia" are playing on the tracks. Watch out, Meryl! You're gonna run over all of the mamas, or you can switch tracks
to run over Jonny's mama. - [Josh] Oh.
- And Josh's daddies, Rhett and Link.
- [Josh] Oh, okay. - I'm sorry, no, and
you can't kill my mom. because the thing is,
- [Josh] Can't? - She was a good mother.
- [Josh] I can't kill your mom?
- She was a good mother. - [Josh] Now I want to kill your mom, just because you said that I can't. - Is this the hill we die on one? Is my mom here today? - Well, I think we can both
bond over the fact that, neither of us big fans of Mother Teresa, but then we got Colin Firth. 'Cause Colin, what kind
of art does your mom make? - My mother literally works
in child abuse and neglect, so if she,
- That wasn't the question, but did she do "The King's Speech?" - No, she does something different. - Well, let's talk about the other side. You'd be running over the entire cast, that's over a hundred, versus just little old Rhett and Link. - I don't know them, but I can't. - [Josh] They have families? - If I kill your daddies,
- [Josh] Yeah. - Then you're gonna kill my mom. And I suggest you don't,
- I feel like we could work out a deal, here. I love Rhett and Link and
I'm close to their families, and they've really been
like mentors to me. But, if they go down, who's
filling those seats on GMM? I've already decided
that I'm saving your mom. Okay, then I'll save your daddies. Well, no, I want you to kill the daddies so we can take over as hosts of GMM, but then I completely wash my, this isn't airing anywhere, right? Then I completely wash my hands of it and I'm, you know, I'm in the black veil. (train whistle blowing) - This is a hill to die on! (dramatic music)
(Josh laughing) (character screaming)
- [Josh] What? - I don't even understand. Are they here?
- We're gonna go ahead and try and FaceTime Rhett and Link. - Hey guys, so I'm on set. I'm here with Zach. He'll explain the deal to you. - Appreciate your time. By the way, having them answer on the set is so wildly hilarious and intimidating. It's like I just called,
- We're always here waiting for you to FaceTime. - You guys aren't
filming right now, right? - Yes, we're always filming. - All right, Jonny,
(indistinct) - We're working. - The floor is yours.
- No! - Hi, I'm Jonny. So, I was asked a really
difficult question and I had to pick between you two or the entire cast of Mama
Mia and Mother Teresa. I'm so sorry, but I chose you two to die. - And who are you? (everyone laughing) - Unfortunately, in this little game, I'm your worst nightmare. (everyone laughing) Thank you, and I am truly, I am sorry. You seem absolutely lovely. - Are you high right now? (crew and Rhett laughing) - Surprisingly, no. - Hey, hey, I'm a real friend. I could have said, hey, your friend told me to do this. - You've proven yourself very valuable in the organization, Jonny. You'll be rewarded handsomely. - [Zach] With a 52% vote, congratulations Jonny, you win. - I don't feel good. This is like, I wish I was losing and not playing this game. You know what I mean? (train whistle blowing) - A trolley is forcing
you to play football until you can successfully tackle Travis Kelce in open field.
- Oh. - Or,
- Yep. - You can pull the lever
and get out of it right now by tweeting "Taylor Swift is mid." - Uh-oh, I don't like this one bit! (Zach laughing) I feel like I could just get Travis Kelce in the open field right now. - [Rachel] Isn't your back broken? - Yeah, that's the,
(Josh laughing) Yeah, remember the last
time I was shooting here and you were like, Josh,
can you gently bend down? And I said, no, I cannot physically? - Tell me about the fear and ramifications of tweeting out "Taylor Swift is mid," which we don't believe. - [Josh] No, beautiful. She's so talented!
(crew laughing) - Can I just say, I won't
be alive if I do option one? I would just die, so it's either tweet this
thing about Taylor Swift that I don't believe. Look, we are walking on eggshells with this Taylor Swift thing. I don't believe, I think Taylor Swift is great and amazing, but I would tweet Taylor
Swift is mid if it meant, and don't take that one clip of me saying Taylor Swift is mid, and make a (censored)
TikTok, okay? With it. Because I can see what's
gonna happen here. Taylor Swift is not mid, she's very max. So,
(Zach and crew laughing) Don't do that. - [Rachel] Don't you use the internet for your livelihood? - Yes, but I also use being
alive for my livelihood. (train whistle blowing) - [Zach] Are you gonna tackle Travis or pull the lever and get tweeting? All right Jonny, this is a hill to die on. Get that phone out.
- Are you kidding? - I, yeah.
(crew laughing) Well, according to 81% of our audience, Jonny, you get the point. - [Jonny] Duh. I mean,
- [Zach] I was stunned. I can't believe it. - Your audience is also
indoor boys like me. - Uh-oh, you're going on vacation. You're going back in time and you get to join the insurrection! - Hey!
- Jonny, where'd you go? - I just want to disappear
for a little while. - Don't worry, no one will
ever know you were there. Or, you can skip out on the trip, but everyone will think that you were. - [Josh] Oh, this is the easiest answer. - [Jonny] I think so. - Yeah, you gotta join the insurrection. (Zach and crew laughing) What do you mean, everyone thinks? If everyone genuinely thinks that you were there, that's the bad. - Think of the stories you'd have to tell. - Oh my God, and I'll tell nobody. - If you're removing that visual element of me being there, then I don't think it's
as profoundly horrible. - Seems pretty cut and dry, you guys have your answer. - Well, I don't like this anymore. I was hoping Jonny chose the other one, but I don't like that we're now just both at the insurrection. - If I get canceled, will
you guys hire me as like, I'll do little odd jobs around the, I'm gonna need a job after this. - It's so hard to make
friends as an adult, you know?
- Oh my God. No, don't.
- I mean, they're paling around. What? - Help yourself.
- What? Why? - And I mean, go for it. Go for it. - What are we going to
do, join a book club? - God forbid a guy have hobbies. Are you going to track one, attend the insurrection, or track two, everyone thinks you did? (train whistle blowing)
Sorry, getting a note from the editor. Could we get you guys to
just look in the camera and say your selection? - I wish I could travel back in time to attend the insurrection
on January 6th, 2021. - I choose to attend the
insurrection on January 6th, but I,
(crew laughing) I was doing this. - Are you worried about your,
- This is actually a new symbol for white power, by the way. - No, don't, no, don't!
(Zach and crew laughing) - [Zach] That's a point for both of you. - [Josh] Doesn't feel great, Zach. Thanks.
- I'm glad I'm a Patreon member, 'cause I need to watch
this video a day early. (everyone laughing) (choir singing) - Welcome to round three: impossible. Your life is so interesting that you've been selected to star in your very own "Truman Show!" There will be a 24 hour live stream beamed to Times Square, but the producers want to give you a sense of work-life balance so they're only going to show you every time you are in
the bedroom; any bedroom. - Oh. - [Zach] Or you can amend the contract to instead stream anytime
you use the bathroom. - Oh my God, okay. This is so much better. Do you want some people
seeing you (censored) or shit? It's like,
- [Josh] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy.
- [Jonny] I don't care, at this point?
- [Josh] Both! Both! Both!
- You saw all this. - Who cares, we were at the insurrection! Now, watch me shit.
- I don't care. Pick your poison.
- I don't care. Also, like,
- I don't, - You don't have to in a bedroom, but it is a lot easier
to shit in a bathroom. - I'm gonna go ahead and amend this to say that any room
you do bedroom stuff in, that becomes a bedroom.
- I agree, I agree. They can watch me (censored), that's fine. I don't want to be at the insurrection. It's not that interesting, I'll be honest. - Mine might be a little too interesting. I'd like them to watch me shit. - Wait, wait, hang on, hang on. No, I want you to watch me shit! - Yeah!
- And I don't even, it's not even like a,
- That interesting. - Oh, oh, pick your poison. I actually want you to watch me shit. In fact, I have an announcement. I have a new thing to plug. I have a new OnlyFans, okay? I have an OnlyFans. - He already flipped his, but yeah,
- Sorry. - He was way more eager to
have people watch him shit. - [Zach] The audience disagrees! - [Josh] What?
- [Jonny] Okay. - [Josh] How interesting is your shitting? - [Zach] 89%!
- [Josh] Unreal! - I thought that was a hard question. People were like, no,
put me in the bedroom. Uh-oh, a trolley is going to tattoo the name of every person you've
ever kissed, on your face. - [Jonny] Okay.
- [Zach] Or you can skip out by changing tracks and never
kissing anyone ever again. - [Jonny] Oh! - Do I get to choose the font? - Yeah! Comic sans.
- [Josh] Comic sans. Yeah, okay. Yeah. - I don't wanna never
be able to kiss again. - For both of you, how
many names are we talking? - I made this list, like, two weeks ago. I think I'd look pretty
cool with 37 face tattoos. Like, I think I could use, we're just talking about kissing, too. - [Zach] Yeah.
- And does this include like aunts and uncles? On the cheek! - [Zach] Are you going for the tattoos or pull the lever and no more smooching? - [Jonny] Got it. - Kissing's like a fun, intimate act that means a lot to my life. - They've got a tattoo,
- And has been, you know? - They've got a tattoo guy here. - [Zach] This is a hill to die on! - They've got a tattoo guy here. (dramatic music)
(character screaming) - We don't have to be here. We don't have to be here, that's what I'm saying. Like, what will they
do, barricade the doors? - We have here, from, Inkbox. These are freehand tattoo markers. - How about, like, my arm? - I would get it across
my chest, for sure. - All right, go ahead.
- [Zach] Okay. Who's the best kisser?
- Let's go with Stephen. - [Zach] Way to go, Steven. - [Jonny] Hollis was my first kiss. - [Zach] Keith,
- [Jonny] Nick, of course. Nick, Keith, do Julia. - [Zach] Oh, let's get Julia. - [Jonny] Melissa there's
a lot, there were a lot. - Alright, we're gonna call that for now. - That's cute. - Can I just get a big
Julia across my chest? I don't even want the point. Yeah, yeah, right over the heart. Like a nice, like, cursive script. - I don't know, who has better handwriting that wants to draw on Josh's pecs? - I mean, I don't know, - Get Jonny up there. Jonny's an artist, Jonny's an artist. - [Jonny] Julia?
- [Josh] Julia. J-U-L-I-A. Who is your Julia? Same Julia? - [Jonny] Maybe. - [Josh] What do you think
a cursive J looks like? (Zach and crew laughing) - [Jonny] Can I do a heart? - Yeah, you already couldn't do Julia, so you might as well do a heart. You guys ever see an alphabet
in a different language that looks kind of like
our alphabet, but isn't? It's like that. - [Zach] That's a point for both of you. - [Josh] Hang on, let's say I flip this. How do you know I'm not
gonna kiss anybody again? Chop my lips off?
(everyone laughing) (train whistle blowing) - Story time! You stumble upon a totally generic closet, inside of which contains an
entire fantastical world. Inside you meet the great
witch and a horny goat man. The great witch lives in a big castle where she practices powerful magic that can do anything you can imagine. But for some reason, every time you unlock the power, you have to yourself and
sing the following phrase: - ♪ Oopsie-doopsie, I poopsied my pants. ♪ ♪ I'm a little baby,
now watch-a me dance. ♪ - Meanwhile, the horny goat man possesses unimaginable treasure, that he wants to pass down to you. But to get it, you have to live with him
in the nook of a tree. All day long, he sings songs like, - ♪ I am a goat man, I am, ♪ ♪ And my home is so thorny, ♪ ♪ But more than a goat, ♪ ♪ I am also so horny. ♪ - Anyway, both the horny
goat man and the great witch wish to take you on as their protege. Which path do you take? You are going to: study
with the witch for a year and poopy your pants anytime you do magic. Or you can pull the lever and live with the singing horny goat man in a tree until he passes, to get rich.
- Horny goat. I don't want to shit my pants. I (censored) a goat? (Zach and crew laughing) - We prefer make love to. - I didn't say anything
about (censored) 'em. - I just have to live with him? - You just have to listen to him tell stories about being
horny for other people? That's fine, have you
ever lived with roommates? - Horny goat. Horny goat. - No, I'm shitting myself. Having powers beyond belief, it would be worse than
just being incontinent and shitting your pants sometimes? No, dude.
(train whistle blowing) - Jonny, you've already made your choice and by an intense 53 to 46% margin, our audience is gonna poopy their pants. - Man, finally!
- Point Josh! - A win for Josh! - Well, at the end of three rounds, congratulations Jonny,
you're the better person. - Thank you.
- You won! And Josh, I'm so sorry. We cannot promote your (censored). No one will ever know what it is. I wish you the best of luck. It's very cool that you wrote, (censored) - I'm gonna promote my humanity today. Please don't give up on me. (everyone laughing) (funky dance music) - You wanna tell us about the blank? - No, do you? (Zach laughing) We wrote it, I'm very proud of it. It's a lot of pictures,
fun recipes, you know.
