I started adhd meds and here's how it went

this past march i decided to start taking adhd meds for the first time in hopes that they would help me feel less terrible and for some reason i decided to film a video documenting my entire first month hi this video is very confusing at the start because i never did an introduction while i did but it wasn't helpful so i'm just gonna do one now march 2021 i have adhd and this was a shock to me because my entire life i just thought i was depressed i'm kidding but i'm not eventually after a long while of struggling my doctor finally suggested that maybe i had adhd and i was shocked at first but then i did some reading and research about it and without getting into a science lesson i'm going to tell you guys a little bit about adhd that i learned that i didn't know beforehand so it's actually described as having three different varieties if you will so there's the inattentive type which is just then there's the hyper active slash impulsive type and then there's the combined type the people who have both i feel like they don't really specifically get too much into like who is in what category but i just think it's often overlooked that there are different types it's not always a hyperactive kid who can't sit still which i didn't know and so while there's no known cause i do know that it can be linked to a lack of dopamine and norepinephrine which are two neurotransmitters so when you start medication like i do in this video that's what those meds are doing hd is often thought of in the stereotype as the hyperactive eight-year-old boy but that's not really the only thing it is and girls often get overlooked for adhd until they're older like i was and can sit there and think to themselves something's not right here so typically when girls demonstrate symptoms of adhd like excessive talking difficulty keeping friends difficulty meeting commitments keeping commitments being forgetful appearing detached low self-esteem messy unhygienic the list goes on and on it's often just excused as being their personality or depression or anxiety and of course like having adhd that goes untreated can lead to depression or anxiety but then depression and anxiety medications don't help that my personal experience growing up i never thought i had adhd as i already said for a while i thought i was just really stupid and then in grade nine i figured out it wasn't so i kind of just thought i was lazy then and i kind of got in this mindset where i was just doing the bare minimum to get through high school and into university and when i couldn't focus on school i just kind of said oh i can't if i want to i just don't want to that was almost true i could for certain things that i found super interesting i kind of just convinced myself i was lazy and after a while i realized that i wasn't lazy i saw lazy people and i was not one of them so then i just accepted that i had depression no clue why deep down i knew that i wasn't depressed because i would read all these symptoms of depression and a lot of them wouldn't really resonate with me because i didn't have this over looming feeling of sadness and like despair it was more so just i didn't have the energy to be happy or the ability to motivate myself to do anything to be social to stay organized so when i was reading over the symptoms list of adhd specifically in girls it actually felt like i was reading a really really rude description of my personality um and i'm shocked it didn't come up sooner so for the shits and giggles and also just to share with you guys a bit about my personal life so that you like understand why i came to this conclusion and why i decided that i needed to try taking meds to help me i'm just gonna tell you guys this stuff so people with adhd can be very messy and unorganized i will insert a picture of my room back when i was in high school it was terrible and this can often also transfer to appearance i went to a school where i had to wear uniform so collared shirt and kilt every single day i wore a massive hoodie over that as well as sweatpants like massive baggy disgusting sweatpants just this much of my kilt hanging out no one said anything no one was like is she okay because i wasn't guys if i wasn't that same year actually i took half a course load and dropped out of everything and i dropped everything everything i did kickboxing basketball i dropped it all nobody asked if i was okay and then apparently it's common people but especially girls with adhd to not be able to maintain friendships or like keep up with things consistently i don't have any friends that are super good friends really i have friends but like you know what i mean i've definitely had a lot of issues keeping friends a lot a lot of issues with it a lot those were just a few funny examples but what was really bothering me was i was so out of it all the time i was not at all aware of the fact that i was like alive and living and i just didn't have the energy to do anything that brought me joy i was just like released not even sad all the time just empty that was my biggest complaint was that i was alive but i didn't feel like i was living and i wasn't aware that i was living and i had no energy to do any of that and i wanted to change that and i won't go into a whole backstory but i got very very dysfunctional towards the end of 2020 and in 2021 i was determined i said nope we're gonna fix this so after therapists doctors and blood work that all came back totally normal my doctor finally asked me if she thought i had adhd and then i did the surveys all this all that and then she was like okay do you want to try medication and i was like honestly i have tried so much i would love to try medication at this point if you think it will help anyway here's me in march um and enjoy my first month trying adhd meds let's go the first clip of the video i forget my camera i'll double mast up to go get my speed honestly like the double mask is probably a bit overkill for like going to shoppers to literally get a prescription however i'm home right now and my home town is like a lot worse than where i go to university so it's just disgusting here so we'll be double master i didn't film anything because i was really scared to start medication but i went over to my grandma's took it and then i just like sat outside talking with my grandma for literally four hours yeah i talked at my grandma for four hours so that was how my day went then i did nothing for the rest of day hello it is day two i have not taken it yet i just woke up so i'm kind of tired um one thing is that i'm really hungry like nothing's really appetizing so for some reason i decided that i'm gonna eat this bar i hate these bars i think they're disgusting so yeah i don't know why i thought eating something i hate don't be helpful i'm hungry but i don't really have an appetite i remember all the like skinny youtubers and victoria's secret models used to be like oh i eat one of these for breakfast don't do that today i have two midterms um yesterday i spent a lot of the day studying for them um i guess yesterday was also my first day actually taking the meds and i thought it was fine um it was pretty easy i don't know if i really noticed a difference um see y'all later [Applause] [Music] [Applause] these kind of look gross will say i am feeling not necessarily more like tuned in but just more aware that i am like a living being i'm just a lot more energized in general like i'm at a bit more of a neutral okay one thing i'm noticing is like it's not but i feel like my heart is like beating faster than it would but like not it's not i just feel like i have to like get out some energy i might do some burpees good morning yesterday i wrote the two midterms i don't think i filmed anything after that um i haven't gotten one of them back i got the other one back and i got an 88 which is pretty good especially considering like watched half the lectures yesterday i did however get a math test back or a stats test and i did like really bad but it was an old test so i just took a 30 minute shower and it was very very nice today i just have classes and i have a paper due on monday like next monday so i'm gonna work on that a bit today because i have no clue what the i'm doing anyway at first when my doctor told me that she thought i had adhd i was like no because i have like i i can do well in school when i choose to and she was like that's not what adhd is and i was like oh [Music] hello it's 12 30 and i just woke up um and apparently i need an alarm hello it is still the same day like day four i don't know anyway um i i'm so excited to get back to victoria because i feel like i just forget that i have classes when i'm at home all the time because like normally i'm not at home when i have classes you know what i mean i'm not doing much schoolwork which i need to do like it's almost five o'clock and i mean i guess i have like only been awake for like five hours but i just feel like i haven't done anything today it is day eight i i don't know i have a meeting right now because i am captain of a thing and i have a meeting for it um it's like a four hour thing so that'll be fun but it's raining outside so whatever then later today i have a ton of homework to do day eight last night i don't know what it was i don't know uh just not the vibes that we want so that happened last night i ended up going to sleep perfectly fine though pretty early so that was good i guess so this week i'm supposed to focus on like how it helps my life and my school and all of that stuff it's literally uh 10 45 my meeting is at 11 and i probably should have gotten out of bed earlier but i just didn't want to because why would i do that i have no footage from the rest of the day because that meeting absolutely drained me and i cried for an hour and a half afterwards and didn't move hello and today is day nine i went to this meeting and i had some serious imposter syndrome vibes um basically it was like a meeting with captains from all the other big universities like around here like in the west of canada um and everybody else kind of like breathed and lived this and i was like i don't even know what you guys are talking about so that kind of pushed me over the edge i felt really shitty after that i feel fine about it now i don't know like what was happening yesterday but i feel like all day and then after that i was like hey i need to go to the gym so i booked a gym for four he cried in the gym so then i left but yeah so yesterday was like not a great day for me personally i hate the lighting it is day like nine something stupid i don't know it's been a freaking while in two days i don't know i haven't noticed anything i think i need a higher dose i just don't notice it anymore like the first while i really noticed it now not so much so this is kind of like boring i feel like i'll just update when i figure out what's happening after my doctor's call but on a side note i got these these are fake blue light glasses now i am very blind i have an actual prescription of like negative five but i wear contacts and i hate not wearing contacts because when i wear my actual glasses i'm still blind like all out of there so i just don't like them i like having not glasses i like being able to see like everywhere um and they kind of distort things weird but i guess they're good if my head starts hurting then i got a gym shark package i ordered this like in this video i don't know if i filmed it or not here are the shorts they fit good they're a bit loose but i think if i'd gotten a small they'd be like way too tight here is this top it fits really well okay here are the leggings they're really cute okay ignore the camel on camo but then there's this top um and of course i have absolutely no footage of week three but basically something about being on the 20 milligram was almost enough but not quite so i ended up like being fine in the morning and then kind of crashing i don't know it just wasn't working for me so yeah i kind of disappeared for week three basically i upped my dosage 10 milligrams i didn't my doctor did um so yeah that's what happened i kind of explained it now it is the start of week four yep i didn't film all of week three last week i had a call with my doctor that was like the start of week three and she basically upped my dose a little bit um for one week and then she gave me more i could add on top for the next week to see if this was better or if the last dose was better this last week has been really good like mentally for me um i feel like it was kind of a chill week anyway so maybe it would have been good regardless i don't know today i'm starting 40 milligrams which i don't know if that's a lot or not anyway yeah so i took the 30 earlier i didn't want to take them at the same time which maybe that's a bad thing maybe i should have i mean i only took it like half an hour ago i'm eating this chia pudding bowl right now my friend got me from work and it's definitely kind of expired i'm gonna eat it anyway but now with this dose i just i feel much more competent i feel together i feel like it's okay like i just feel like clearer and more organized and like even if i'm not organized it's okay and then i have finals but i do have a midterm next week which i don't know why they call them midterms if they're like at the end of the semester but it's my stats midterm and i need to watch literally ten lectures so i'm probably gonna go do all of those today anyway yeah so 30 was good i didn't notice like i wasn't hyper focused or anything but i guess i'm not supposed to be hyper focused i feel like i just always hear about people like taking these drugs recreationally and then they get hyper focused so the next day i tried to film a vlog of my last week of classes for like a whole other video but i didn't end up getting enough footage i really just filmed one day but i'm gonna include it in here because it's me doing better mentally and just being like happy and i feel like that's relevant right to the beach let's get away i am gonna order coffee and go pick it up and then i'm just gonna go to the beach i'm wearing a turtleneck this brown puffer i thrifted these like yoga pants from old navy and then this sweater um anyway my friends aka my boyfriend and his roommate aren't texting me back um but i want to go now so i'm just going to go without them i don't like waiting for people to do things that i want to do and they're not responding so it's just a waste of time it was so busy in there oh my goodness i felt bad they were stressing anyway got my coffee it's not even a coffee it's a soy chai but it's so good [Music] there's back from the beach and i'm kind of really dead but i need to go do homework [Music] it is april 6th i have no clue when i started this but it was a while ago i have been taking the 40s for five days today would have been the fifth day but today i only actually took 30 because the past few days i'm taking 40 i felt like so i don't know if those are correlated or not so today i am just on 30 and in two days this will be done and i will have figured out what dose works anyway i'm like half asleep and really dead so i just thought i would update you guys because i don't think i've been filming for this much but hey you know what i'm doing right now i'm emailing my university my adhd diagnosis so i can get extra time and stop failing exams that i shouldn't fail jk i don't fail i just almost do hi it's been like literally a month more than a month since i started i'm a little sticky note of things i want to bring up but i'm just going to wrap up the video okay i'm just going to tell you guys how my time went which reminds me i have to take i don't know off the top of my head when the first day was but i think it was something like march 14th today i had my last scheduled call with my doctor so yeah it's going well i got eyelash extensions if you're wondering why i look like a pretty girl uh i just thought i would present you with my final thoughts so first of all like i'm not here to preach that medication is the only answer there are actually a lot of situations in which i thought maybe starting medication for various adhd tendencies would fix that and just fix everything and make my life perfect um and i've kind of realized it doesn't do that but it definitely made it a lot better and it's making it a lot easier to kind of like manage other stuff if that makes sense i get really frustrated very easily um with all not like at people but just with things just like in general just with life um and i can get very cranky and just frustrated and i don't know why i thought this would help with that but it doesn't it doesn't make it worse but it definitely like doesn't fix it basically like it doesn't fix everything it just makes certain aspects of my life a lot easier so that i can like focus on things that maybe need to fix like i just feel a lot less overwhelmed as for like my biggest concerns my biggest concerns were mainly that i just felt out of it all the time and i felt like unaware and i couldn't like i don't know i just couldn't focus on anything i couldn't do anything i felt like i wasn't like living my life like i didn't know what was happening and like i just forget everything like the next day that's like kind of getting better slowly but surely i mean i'm sure things like that will take time because once again i've like trained my brain to just not pay attention to anything maybe i haven't trained it but like maybe now i need to train it to focus on things i don't know but i think my memory and my awareness is definitely getting better but you know some days are better than others sometimes i still am out of it as the main thing is that i just am happier overall which is really unexpected from that i know in a lot of girls adhd can be like misdiagnosed as anxiety or depression which i mean i guess it's not like misdiagnosed but like they'll just accept that you have anxiety and depression instead of maybe like looking at this and while i was never like diagnosed with anxiety or depression i feel like it was i had definitely been in the category of like oh she's just depressed or like even like in my head i'd be like oh i just like this is just depression that's just the way it is but yeah no it wasn't it was a adhd i guess anyway i just i feel so much better i have so much more energy not in a hyperactive way sometimes in a hyperactive way i don't know i'm not a very hyperactive person in general but i just have more energy to be present to pay attention to do things i just feel more motivated i think the biggest thing for me was sometimes i would just not have the energy to do anything like i wouldn't have the energy to get up i wouldn't have the energy to like walk to the gym or oh my god that fly is still in my room i thought i got it i have a lot more energy in general just to be alive and like do things productively and i also feel like capable of doing these things sometimes more so than others obviously like sometimes i still have mental breakdowns about things but i definitely feel just very competent in general actually i wouldn't even say i have mental breakdowns i don't really think i've had a mental breakdown lately i definitely haven't um yeah no i just feel like more confident to do things i just feel more fun i feel more personable and obviously like sometimes i get super cranky but that's just my personality i guess i'm trying to read my sticky note and i can't read my writing like can you read any of that no school definitely a lot easier towards the end i think still just in general focusing in class lectures and like studying was a little difficult and frustrating but i think once again like meds don't fix everything i need to like now that i know what it is i guess and like i have some resources to fix it it's kind of just like up to me like i have to actually work to fix it you know what i mean yeah sometimes i have days where i still kind of feel like but that's okay definitely less because i used to like all the time and now i think i hardly ever feel like like i know that there have been days where i felt like but i can't even think back to when they were that's all that was on my little sticky note thank you for watching this sorry if it was tmi to put on the internet but honestly i just don't really give a so here we are this is your sign to like go get help if you feel like all the time because it's not normal and there are things that you can do to not feel like all the time because i just accepted that i would feel like all the time and now i don't feel like all the time and it's a nice thing so don't just accept that you know i know sometimes it can be like difficult to give in your situation to go get help so make a plan to reach out to someone eventually even if that's like in two months don't suffer just because you think you have to because you don't great i will see you all in my next video thank you so much for 2 000 subscribers i think i'm almost at 3000 now which is crazy thank you also for getting me monetized yeah i got monetized anyway thank you so much for watching i love you so much hope you enjoyed my journey of starting speed it's not speed but like that's a funny joke okay [Music] bye [Music] you

Channel: Sophie Marlo

Views: 134,650

Keywords: university vlog, college vlog, day in my life, university day in my life, productive day in my life, outfit ideas, adhd, girls with adhd, adhd in girls, adhd medication, I started adhd medication, day in my life with adhd, student with adhd, starting medication for mental health, mental health matters, how adhd medication works

Id: L4LevmvlUo8

Length: 20min 16sec (1216 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 27 2021