I Refused To Make A Baby With My Sister's Husband So She Blames Me For Not Making Her MOM To My Baby

dear redditers with a narcissistic brother or sister how do you deal with them when i was in my mid-20s i froze some eggs we ended up freezing 10 eggs i was lucky enough that my job covered part of costs fast forward when my husband and i were ready to get pregnant we ended up just getting pregnant naturally i am currently 35 i had my baby a year ago we do want two more children so we will likely use a few of the eggs my sister 30 years old had one kid when young and has recently gotten married she and her husband have been together for less than six months even though she was young my sister's first pregnancy was a struggle she has been told that she will probably not be able to have another baby now she and her new husband are asking if they can have one or two of my stored eggs i instantly told her no i would feel very weird about it i then softened my stance and told her that if she paid me a substantial amount of money i would let her have two eggs i have been paying seventy dollars a month for the past nine years to store them and paid a hefty fine for the process of removal i gave her a price of five thousand dollars i admit that this is mostly done to dissuade her from asking me she's really torn up and blaming me for not being able to enjoy sharing a child with her husband i told her to find a donor egg and she would be able to do that she says she wants a baby that is related by blood my baby i also told her frankly that if she can't afford five thousand dollars for the egg she can't afford another baby before she got married she was constantly asking me for money she has now gone on to whine to a family member or friend in earshot about how much of a horrible sister i am my parents are begging me to help my sister start a family and are saying that if her new husband leaves her because he wants kids it will be my fault other people are even coming out of the woodwork to shame me for not giving her the eggs i feel for my sister i really do but these are my eggs even if they are not used they are mine background i was married on june 30th of 2018. my husband and i were together for seven years before we got married so d-day for me was 31 days after my wedding i woke up in the middle of the night 4am to the sounds of my husband and my sister screwing on my basement couch i went down interrupted them and slapped my sister across the face and left they were both very drunk and both have very little memory of what happened that night i have never imagined something like this would ever happen never would i have thought my husband would be unfaithful let alone with my sister after this all happened my husband was insanely sorry he apologized so much and i chose to stay with him and work through it we have three children and i felt i owed it to myself and my children to at least try things have been hard but we are making progress i'm definitely not over what happened but i'm committed to moving forward with my marriage as for my sister i have not spoken to her since that night she has reached out a few times but i have no idea how to respond to her she also is in a relationship so she also cheated she says she can't imagine a world where we don't talk and is begging me to speak to her i don't know what to do not a day goes by that i don't think about d-day i can't imagine what a relationship with her would look like it's not like our families can get together in any way my sister and i were extremely close before this happened we talked every day and spent weekends and holidays together this was the first time in 35 years we didn't see or talk on birthdays or christmas my sister let's call her rachel has always been more attractive than me growing up i was more on the reserved side so she would often get the attention and praise while i kept to myself most of the time i've noticed recently that she keeps implying i'm ugly and she keeps bragging about how she got the better jeans for example i introduced her to some of my very close college friends and she spent a lot of the time explaining to them how she had better attributes i have a longer face she has a rounder one i have high cheekbones she has none while my friends just awkwardly stood there then when we were at home she went on to say that she got the lighter skin from mom we're indian so i guess colorist beliefs make her think that this is more attractive high cheekbones from our maternal grandfather and thick hair from our paternal grandmother when my mom pointed out randomly not even during this convo that i looked like her dad my sister got very mad and defensive stating she looks nothing like him presumably because she wanted the higher cheekbones or something from him also one time over christmas break my sister was talking with my aunt about her hair my sister has told me many times that she thinks our aunt's hair is ugly because it's super thin my sis asked my aunt what her hair used to look like when she was younger and my aunt replied oh it kind of used to look like her hair and my sister looked at me and smirked i'm just tired of being subtly put down and hearing her think how great she is i think she's very insecure about her looks because one day she was telling me how she thinks all she has to offer is her looks and not her brains aka she doesn't think she's intelligent i think this is why she gets so defensive over matters of appearance i just don't get why she has to compare herself to me all the time it's so clear she thinks i'm so ugly she even one time told me that she used to have so much confidence growing up because she always thought she was prettier than everyone else she knew i guess part of me is insecure and another is just annoyed is this a normal situation i don't know how to stop feeling so bad about myself when she blatantly says she has all the best characteristics well i have all the bad ones okay here it goes my sister has two children each time she had a baby she caused a huge commotion in the family creating stringent rules for being near her children expecting availability for full day babysitting only on her terms stipulating specific presents to be purchased for her children and downright punishing anyone who made any misstep usually by cutting off contact for two to four months her behavior has largely made me feel uncomfortable being around her and her children as i never know when i'm going to inadvertently do something wrong in the meantime my husband and i have struggled with infertility it has been a four-year journey involving countless medical tests two rounds of ivf the birth of a stillborn daughter last year and finally the birth of our son 10 weeks premature three months ago after 75 days in the nicu our little boy came home chunky and healthy three weeks ago while we were in the nicu my sister got upset at us for asking her to text us rather than call while we were in the hospital setting she visited us only twice and during those visits she was domineering and tried to tell us how to talk to hospital staff how to take care of ourselves and how to redefine our relationship as husband and wife now that we have a child yeah i don't know what that was about either she just let me know that she is 16 weeks pregnant with her third child and will be announcing the pregnancy at the christmas family gathering this is where i think i became the idiot well a new baby should be nothing but joy all i can feel is that her announcement will distract away from my little one's first christmas and that my sister's baby circus is about to start all over again i feel bitterness and dread and i might skip out on the christmas gathering i know she didn't get pregnant despite me or one-up me but i know that she will act like an attention-seeking black hole my sister and i are not close we are just very different people she's self-centered and narcissistic and just generally hard to be around she also lives overseas so we rarely interact with each other apart from occasional family holidays so my sister has been having an affair with a married man for the last two years and is now trying to have her first child either with him or if he's not willing through a donor because it's not possible to get the necessary procedures done in the country where she lives she has been coming to stay with me and my husband for extended periods of time while she goes through multiple rounds of egg freezing in total she stayed in our house for just over three months in the past year we allowed it because we want to be supportive of her having a child but honestly it was a strain on our personal life having a houseguest for such a long period of time we both have stressful jobs with long hours and it's difficult when you just want to come home and unwind relax in privacy but instead need to entertain a houseguest now the egg freezing was just a backup option and this year she is finally going through with ivf to have her child i always assumed she would do this at home in the country where she lives but she has decided to have the child in my country instead as it will be more convenient and she wants them to have a country where i live passport family is important to me but the idea of her staying with us for several months while in the last stages of pregnancy and then having a newborn in our house until she's ready to travel home it fills me with dread and i honestly don't think i could tolerate it my husband and i are also child free by choice so it would be very disruptive for our personal lives this happened a couple of days before christmas my sister her kids and i were all staying at my parents house for the holidays i have a one terabyte ipad pro the largest screen model that i use for my job i do digital commissions design band posters design flyers to make money on the side as i'm in college i saved up for a year to buy this ipad it was an investment in my hobby i left the ipad plugged in in my father's study where i was working on some projects the night before i got up in the morning to find the thing shattered in the living room my sister nonchalantly apologized and said oh sorry the kids broke your screen dad says he has a new one he'll give you to replace it she didn't even bother to wake me up when she saw that they had broken it i asked her why she wasn't watching her kids and how they got my ipad from my father's study she said that she gave it to them so they could watch youtube i obviously started yelling at her and asked her how she could be too obtuse as to let her kids play with my stuff without asking she called me selfish they're my niece and nephews and i should want to share with them wtf my dad tried to give me an ipad air and then tell me it was the same thing i told him it was unacceptable and i wanted my ipad replaced immediately he said he didn't have the money so i went to my sister and demanded the money she tried to ask if she could make payments as the cost would wipe out her savings and i said no way i wanted the full cost of the ipad the pencil and the 250 dollars that i was going to miss out on because i couldn't finish the project i was working on it would be around two thousand two hundred dollars she tried to call me heartless and told me to think of my niece and nephew i told her to go away if she was a better mother she would have more than two thousand dollars saved up when she has three kids my parents think i'm overreacting but i don't she is trying to avoid me and not speak to me and i told her that i would be suing her for the full cost of my ipad and lost wages she's acting like a total witch and crying on social media about how her heartless brother is trying to sue her and break her and her children over an honest mistake i've gotten calls from several family members calling me a bad brother and asking me to reconsider i can't believe this is happening my step-sister stephanie was so obese that she qualified for gastric bypass surgery we are in a country with socialized healthcare she's always been heavier but did herself no favors because she'd eat fast food for every meal and never worked out i used to be overweight but i lost about 25 kilograms through diet and exercise a few years ago i can't shift the last 10 kilograms i want and still have a round face which i hate i had to train myself to eat less which meant i was often hungry in those first few months her surgery means she doesn't feel hunger now i had to go jogging even though i am not someone who enjoys working out stephanie is now skinnier than i am has the thinner face that i wish i had i'm worried i am doomed to have a round face forever but she acts like she earned it on instagram she keeps hashtagging about hashtag power of exercise and hashtag gym transformation etc when she never goes to the gym at a family party last weekend i was talking to some of my cousins and the topic of weight loss came up and i was saying how i am frustrated with this weight loss plateau i've hit stephanie walked up all you just need to be more disciplined it's working for me i still see you eating cake sometimes i rolled my eyes but said nothing i had one cupcake at the party but almost never eat cake she said you're that person who makes excuses and cheats on her diet and then complains but i've got results because i don't do that it takes hard work and sacrifices i snapped and said get lost stephanie you had weight loss surgery because you were so obese so don't preach to me about discipline or sacrifices she said so you're not happy for me you've always been a jealous cow which annoyed me because she has a history of assuming i'm jealous of her when i'm not if she shows me her new purse and i say oh that's cute she says jealous are we no i'm being polite but if i say nothing or say the purse is not my style she says i'm bitter when she got married she was like must be hard to deal with the jealousy of seeing my wedding when you're single you're 20 and marrying a guy who can't hold down a job because of his gaming addiction so no it was the same when she got pregnant a year later but when i said no you do you but i'm still in university and not ready to get married have children she'd be all defensive much it's infuriating and a big reason i tolerate rather than like her i told her i'm not going to be happy for her until she admits that she lost weight the easy way because preaching about discipline sacrifice and exercise to those who worked hard to lose weight that way is hypocritical when she did it through surgery she's angry because a couple of my cousins have gone through instagram and unliked her progress pictures and one left a comment that translates into hashtag power of exercise more like hashtag power of weight loss surgery hey stephanie i did not put her up to this my cousin has never liked her because she's always been rude to her my sister's car broke down six months ago because of her own stupidity i won't go into it here but she ignored the advice of a mechanic and because of that her car broke i decided to be nice and offer my sister my car until she could get hers fixed as i could bike to work when she needed to drive she did not get her car fixed for some reason she claimed to be saving money to do so but every time her paycheck came she spent it my parents have even offered her a loan to fix her car but she refused along with all of this she has been using my generosity and taking my car all day and night i told her she could use it for work but it seems to her that this is a free pass to use my car not fill it with gas and take it when i specifically tell her not to recently i've been needed to get to work very early and i really don't feel like riding my bike six miles at three in the morning so i told my sister she had 30 days until i took the spare key from her and she is no longer allowed to use it that was 32 days ago yesterday morning she woke up specifically before me to take my car at 2 30 in the morning i called her and demanded she bring it back to me but she just hung up on me because of this i reported it stolen my sister was arrested 30 minutes later and my parents had to go bail her out my sister is now facing charges for unauthorized use of a car and my parents and her are annoyed they claim i went way too far here but honestly i feel justified my parents are worried if she's found guilty she will lose her job but in my opinion it's her own fault i'm 29 years old my sister is 27. we're polar opposites i've always worked hard and taken risks to succeed my sister has always slacked off and never put any real effort in to succeed she tried attending college but spent all of her free time partying smoking pot slash sleeping around and ended up failing half of her courses in the first year and dropped out recently she decided that she wants to go back to university to become a nurse she currently works as a cashier at a supermarket so it would be a big step up career-wise problem is my parents have lost most of their savings due to some very poor choices and can't afford to support her while she studies and help pay her tuition on the other hand i'm currently working as an actuary and have plenty of disposable income naturally my parents think i should support her and pay her tuition while she studies they say she'll continue working part-time and will pay when she can but i'm basically expected to support her and pay her tuition or let her stay at my house so she doesn't have to pay rent i shut down that idea immediately in my opinion her current situation is entirely her own fault for not working hard when she was younger my girlfriend and i plan on getting married soon and i don't want to waste money on my sister's education as you can imagine i'm now seen as the greedy brother who won't help out family even though my sister has never done anything to help me you

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Id: KjnZlZIRFEU

Length: 17min 34sec (1054 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 23 2020