Crash Bandicoot is an icon, and Iām not just saying that because
Crash Bandicoot is sponsoring this video. Although that, again, is what is happening. The folks at Activision are publishing "Crash
Bandicoot 4: Itās About Time." And some might say itās about time for me
to make an Unraveled about this funky Australianā¦ marsupial? Is that what he is? Look, in all honesty, I know very little about
Crash. What he is, what he does, why heās orange. And the reason for that is because the original
Crash Bandicoot came out in 1996, when I was two years old. This little nerd was too busy trying to balance
with a giant lightbulb for a head to be able to play these games. The pedantic among you might say, āBrian,
why not just play the games now? Thereās an HD Remaster out. Iāll send it to you. What's your address?ā But thatās a cop out. The original Crash Bandicoot trilogy was a
crystallization of pure, unfiltered, late-ā90s energy that burned itself into the memories
of those lucky enough to grow up with the games. I did not grow up with these games. I was born too late to Crash. I have been robbed of the nostalgia so many
lucky gamers feel. And sadly, that nostalgia is impossible for
me to obtain now. JUST KIDDING, I HAVE SPONSOR MONEY! NOTHING IS OUT OF MY REACH! My hypothesis is that if I purchase all of
the required food, decor, and technology available in a 1996 to 1998 American household, I can
essentially create a pocket dimension, which will allow me to speedrun the late ā90s,
enhancing my enjoyment of Crash Bandicoot 4. Today, I am changing the timeline of my life
by playing Crash Bandicoot the way Crash intended. I am opening a portal to the Crash dimension. *exciting '90s dance music* Wow, these titles are getting really convoluted! By creating a perfect replica of the years
1996 through 1998, I can spend one day in each year playing the temporally accurate
Crash Bandicoot, and within three days, Iāll be done. Which is good, because Activision has me on
a pretty tight turnaround for this video. You might be wondering why I donāt spend
some time on the other Crash Bandicoot games, and my answer to that isā¦ What are you talking about? This is Crash Bandicoot 4. Thereās only four Crash Bandicoot games. *eerie music* Making a pocket dimension within
my living space might seem like a difficult task, but in reality, developing an apartment-specific-multiverse
only requires four simple considerations: Electronics, Environment, Envelopment, and
Anti-Anachronism. Or as itās better known: Eeeaa! Electronics are the foundation. I need the tactile experience of plugging
a PS1 into a CRT television. I need to smell the instruction booklet. I need to bask in the warm glow of the TV
tubes, and then spend 20 minutes trying to figure out which channel itās coming through before realizing that I plugged the yellow wire into the white component. So I spent hours on eBay, compiling the necessary
items to technologically travel back in time, including era-appropriate recording equipment. And thatās all I need in order to play a video game
and make a video about it, but itās not enough to make a new dimension. The environment in which these games were
published was drastically different than our current reality, and to experience the games
correctly, I must live in that world. I need the food, the fashion, the music, and
I need to be fully immersed in it. Envelopment. This means living in the Crash dimension until I complete the original trilogy and the new game. And whatās more, I must act the part. I might have been two years old in 1996, but
now, I have the chance to become a true ā90s kid. A character Iām calling āDavid Brian Gilbert.ā What's great about David Brian Gilbert is
that heās essentially me, but with cool parents who let him have caffeinated drinks
and watch R-rated movies. I scoured the internet to find the food and
decorations that I never got to enjoy as a child, including this blow up chair and a
frighteningly sun-bleached case of sour spray that was probably purchased from a Blockbuster. It says the expiration date is next year,
so Iām probably fine! As for clothing, I wanted David Brian Gilbert
to follow fashion icons of the time period. And who could be a better late ā90s fashion
icon than the Backstreet Boysā Brian Littrell. After downloading and printing out and examining
a totally appropriate amount of reference photos, I purchased those āfits for myself. And when I say fits, I mean everything is
two sizes too large. And speaking of the Backstreet Boys, I also purchased a few of their albums along with a CD player, a few 1990s history books, and a VCR so I could finally experience a
classic film my parents never let me watch: Wild Wild West. Because even when Iām not Crashing, I need
to stay immersed in the high culture of that time period. But there was a hiccup: When Wild Wild West finally arrived, I realized that it was released in 1999. Anti-anachronism. It is not enough to just purchase the required
items. I must also actively cut out all anachronistic
content. So while I would love to watch Wild Wild West
and listen to the Backstreet Boysā Millennium, I cannot. So I purchased a clear lock box that I labeled
using Lisa Frank stationery, and I will place all dimensionally inappropriate objects inside that box, not to be opened until I complete my task. To hold myself accountable, I also installed
a surveillance camera which will make sure I am maintaining a radical ā90s lifestyle. The only anachronistic content I can bring
with me through the portal is a PS4, and Crash 4. But even those must be played on the CRT television. With my considerations considered, I began
piecing together my pocket dimension in the small space next to my desk. And as the piĆØce de rĆ©sistance, I asked
Activision if they could send Crash Bandicoot to my house. Sadly, they were a little confused at first. They said that the Crash āsuitā couldnāt
fit into my small New York apartment, and I explained, I don't want the suit, I just
want Crash Bandicoot. Uh, but, they said it just wasnāt gonna
work out, so... Whatās the point of getting sponsored if
I canāt slam a pouched juice with Crash Bandicoot? With my build complete, I donned the first
outfit from the Brian Littrell lookbook and fully adopted the David Brian Gilbert persona. āSup dudes, you want to playā¦ pogs?ā āNo way, I love rollerblading!ā āLetās get to the airport like 30 minutes before
our flight. Security shouldnāt be an issue.ā It was time for me to say goodbye to life
as I knew it, and dive into the Crash dimension. "WHOA!!!!!" Basically feels the same. I had made it through the portal, and after
locking the anachronistic box, I booted up Crash Bandicoot 1. And I wish I could say I was āSet Adrift
on Memory Blissā (thatās track number 8 on Backstreetās Back) but actually, I was having a bit of a difficult time adjusting to this new dimension. My VHS camcorder didnāt have a functioning
viewfinder, so I had to check my recordings in the VCR every now and then. And to make matters worse, the original Crash
Bandicoot is actually kinda tough. Whenever I'd get a little frustrated, Iād
have to take a break, crack open an ice cold box of toddlerās charcuterie, and read some 1996 history while listening to the boys. āOh hey, they caught the Unabomber!ā I tried my best to enjoy every experience
1996 had to offer. Tried. "Ugh, thank you!" "Oh." "Okay, I figured we'd try a warhead. Here we go." "Ohhhh." "Ahhh." *spraying sour spray* "Oh why did I do that?" "Why did I think that would make it better?" I learned very quickly that, while every ā90s
experience was different, they were all defined by a singular in-your-faceness. And though it was a shock to my system to
jump in head first, each turbulent mouthful of sour spray got me that much closer to becoming the David Brian Gilbert Crash Bandicoot needed me to be. "Yeah!" You see, at first I was appalled at his brazen, extreme
antics, but by the time I could pop five lemon warheads into my mouth without making a face, me and Crash were on the same wavelength. "I am unstoppable!" I blasted through the first game, and when I dipped my toes into Crash Bandicoot 4, I realized my experiment was working. Even on a 13-inch screen, I felt a blossoming
kinship with these cool dudes. After a quick dinner of what I can only assume
was completely naturally colored cheese-and-peanut-butter crackers, I tucked myself in on the city map rug and fell asleep under a canopy of glow in the dark stars. My year in 1996 was complete. I woke up in 1997, and honestly, itās probably
the best morning Iāve had in a long time. I had no emails to respond to, no text messages, and my morning routine only consisted of me pouring a heaping bowl of soon-to-be discontinued cereal. "It's so good!" Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back went
in much the same way as Crash 1, but after spending a full day in this dimension, I was
much better equipped to crush this game. I ended up finishing it pretty quickly, and
I took the late afternoon off to check in on those Welsh Royals I had grown so fond
of just the day prior. "OH NO!" Sadly, I was interrupted at one point in my
day when my apartment buzzer rang, and I had to go sign for some mail... Which I now realize I shouldnāt have done. It was a blatant escape from my pocket dimension. In the Crash Dimension, David Brian Gilbert
shouldnāt be worried about paying bills, or whatever this email is about. Those are responsibilities for an adult, and
therefore, anachronistic. So with a quick alteration to my signage,
I locked those responsibilities away, and I went back to my gaming. Considering Iād be finishing the Crash games
the next day, I realized that I was spending my final night in the ā90s. Just a few nights prior, I couldnāt imagine
a life other than the one I had. But this pocket dimension was so real, so
accurate, that I could scarcely remember the realm I had left, and the person I was before Crash Bandicoot. And honestly, I liked David Brian Gilbert better. I woke up in 1998, and I donned a Littrell
outfit Iām calling āAJ Adjacentā. I was reluctant to push on, but committed
to my mission. I was so acclimated to the extremes of this
dimension that I had to flavor blast my breakfast before jumping into Crash Bandicoot Warped. And to be real with you, it was kind of a
buzzkill. NOT! *RADICAL GUITAR SOLO* It was cooler than Leoās
middle part! Could these graphics BE any better? As if! "And my mom said Iād never get ANYWHERE
with these games!" But as I got closer to finishing Crash 3,
I realized that my time in this perfect dimension would soon be coming to an end. I'd have to deal with the disappearance of
Surge, and all-denim outfits going out of style, and Y2K, and I'd have to go to high
school, and college, and I'd have to get a job, and pay rent, and Iād have to deal
with all those bills, and the emails from Activision asking me where Iāve gone, and Iād have to deal with all-denim outfits coming BACK into style! I just threw āem out! But what ifā¦ I never leave? If youāll recall, the rules of this nostalgia
speedrun dictate that I must stay in the dimension until I complete all four Crash Bandicoot
games. And I havenāt completed them yet. And honestly, part of what makes Crash 4 so
exciting for fans of the series is that they had to wait 22 years for the next installment. So it just makes sense for me to stay here
for the same amount of time. A nostalgia slowrun. No no no, this isnāt nostalgia. Maybe in 22 years, David Brian Gilbert would
be nostalgic for this time, but right now, Davidās just having a wonderful day. In fact, the only thing that wasnāt wonderful
was that David had just run out of pizza bagels. Luckily there were some Pizza Rolls in the
freezer. But this new pizza-made-portable-snacking-option
was unknown territory. I spent the past two years snacking on open-face
pizza treats, and now you want to put me in a pizza cage? Thatās a major change. And what if it sucks? I know that pizza bagels donāt suck. So with another quick change to the box, I
locked them away. So I kept playing and replaying and replaying
and replaying the games. I listened to Backstreetās Back on repeat
and I warmed myself in the radiation of the lava lamp. But I was running low on sustenance, and the
amount of sour spray I was consuming was having a detrimental effect on my pH levels. At least I wouldnāt get scurvy. Every now and then, Iād think about playing
Crash Bandicoot 4. But how could it ever live up to the experience
of playing the first three games? Thatās a major change. And what if it sucks? I know that the first three games donāt
suck. I decided that I didnāt have to complete
Crash 4. Because if I completed Crash 4, I'd have to
leave the Crash dimension. I canāt go back to Brian David Gilbert! Heās mega lame. So I did the only thing that would save David
Brian Gilbert. I locked the game in the box. *SLAM* "Oh my god, Crash Bandicoot!" "Yup. Itās me. Crash Bandicoot. And Iām here to help you with your video!" "B-b-but they said you were busy! Here, have a pouched juice!" "No time!" "The only way I can help you is if you go stand
in that corner with your eyes closed for about 30 minutes." "Ha! Anything for you, Crash!" Okay, Crash, itās been thirty minutes! I'm ready to see what... *sad classical guitar music* After reviewing the footage, I realized that when Crash Bandicoot said he was going to help with my video, what he actually did was systematically disassemble my pocket dimension and disappear. The only things he left were Crash 4 and the
pizza rolls. Crash had taken everything from me. My perfect youth, evaporated. Now there was nothing but the cold hard truth
of modernity. Why would Crash do this? Would Crash betray me? Was he really willing to destroy David Brian
Gilbertās world just to collect a contractually obligated sponsored video? Or was he teaching me a valuable life lesson? Crash had left me no choice but to face the
future. And so I sat on a non-inflatable couch and
I played Crash Bandicoot 4. And the game is just so much better on a screen
that isnāt like 20 inches from your face. I even cooked up those pizza rolls, and it turns out that cheese and pepperoni and sauce and bread in any form is pretty frickinā good. Pizza Rolls might not be my beloved Pizza
Bagels, and Crash 4 isnāt the original trilogy, but sometimes a little twist on a thing I
already love is totally fine. The nostalgia cocoon I made with the Crash
dimension was reassuring, but it was also stagnating. And Iām grateful that a good friend... no, the best friend I've ever had in the whole world... taught me to crash out of my comfort zone. And as much as I wish that Crash Bandicoot
wouldāve hung out and watched Wild Wild West with me, Iām sure that wherever he is, heās putting all my stuff to good use. *LOUD CLANKING* Thanks Crash. *happy '90s dance music* *Eating a spoonful of French Toast Crunch with a Warhead in it* "That might be the worst thing I've ever tasted." "I've tasted a lot of bad things but that one might be the worst thing."
I know I might be in the minority here but I miss when his hijinxes where a bit more earnest and did not end up in a surrealistic twist. The idea in this episode was actually pretty interesting, it would have been cool to see him share some thoughts on his real feelings on the experiment
Rip pizza bagels and 90s pocket dimension
this might be new top 3 for me