I heard God's audible voice twice. He stopped me from...

your father was from baghdad iraq under the saddam hussein regime how did he get out of there i'm not sure exactly the story but i know that he was smuggled out of the country and at that time he had protested against the mandatory military involvement um that was there and he was jailed and tortured and then he was out and uh my uh he ended up going to um scotland where he met my mother and um and the rest is history as you say i mean they had to decide where to start a family and i was a mistake right and they decided to uh to come to canada where there was no one to make a fresh start and the reason i asked you about your dad's background growing up under that kind of regime it definitely would affect him psychologically it would cause some you know anger issues which would affect your life so you grow up in a home where there was some problems right away sexual abuse at a very early age yeah and the thing which i think is really important is that my parents weren't aware of what had happened my folks when they came to canada they started off and they were they were dirt poor we started off in winnipeg manitoba lived in one of those low-rise buildings and they had to support each other through university and and whatnot and my mother was desperate to find child care and so the building superintendent's wife said that she would take in children and although my mother felt you know uncertain about it she was desperate so that's where i was for six months my mother had said that i would cry every time when she had dropped me off and she thought it was separation anxiety what in fact was happening was the building superintendent and other men that he would invite had taken me down to the basement where i was involved in what would be child pornography you know basically i was molested by these men i was then given treats you know afterwards they were like what three years old three years old between three and three and a half so you know it's it's a tough one because if you think about your own children of that age or nieces or nephews and myself as a public school teacher i look at these kids and i think it's just absolutely you know horrific you know that that happened at all but that was all not even recalled that got buried in my memory and then would you then there were some girls too some teenage girls when you were seven yeah a few years later i had uh you know met this kid and uh this other boy named carl and it kind of i mean it was all grooming and he would have been groomed too you know so he kind of taken me to places where we'd play these games where it's kind of like you know show and tell you know this this kind of thing and then i got taken to it was like a strip mall or some sort of building that was on you know under construction and he had convinced me to take my clothes off which he did and around the corner came a group of girls um and it's hard as a child to think of the age but probably you know early 20s late teens and that's when i was gang-raped i was sodomized i was molested i was humiliated i had cigarettes burned in my back and then i blacked out and all of that stuff once again was buried i had no recall of it until much later in life and also an abusive father as well yeah and i think that uh it's interesting you point out this history because i should say my my dad and i we have a very good relationship now i mean he he has apologized for that and i think for my father he was traumatized i think that he may have even had ptsd at the time so he was really reacting in a in a violent way but it was a pretty horrible situation and so for myself as as a as a young child my focus was to protect my mother and my brother and my sister and i remember getting to this point in my life in the center scene i did one of these band of brothers retreats and they do these different movie segments to go through this healing piece and there's a scene from goodwill hunting with robin williams when he's talking to will and he's looking at his file his childhood abuse and all the bruises and battering and that and um you know he uh will ask robin williams do you have any experience with that personally and he says yes i do and he says well what happened to you and will said that uh my father would lay out a belt a pipe wrench and uh you know whatever it was and he would tell me to choose and so robin williams said what would you choose and he said i'd choose the pipe wrench and he said why he said well because i have him right and it was that was the mindset i got into at i got to this place where it's like i'm no longer going to be afraid i'm no longer going to feel pain i mean to this day i've got a very high pain tolerance and i just completely checked out so even though the sexual abuse parts were hidden or at least you didn't understand what was going on until later but still they would be affecting you you've got an abusive father was it the drugs and alcohol did that take you away from some of that pain well i was born in 1965. so you know this was back in the time of the disco era and parties and that which my folks used to have so it would have been uh just one of these parties at the house where there was some alcohol there i had snuck some snuck a cigarette you know this kind of thing and that was it i was smoking i was drinking we lived out in uh in an area called munster so there happened to be drug traffic going through there so we got into everything you know myself and my friends at that point in time so it's just i knew as a child there was something wrong i felt there was something wrong there was something which was empty inside me but i didn't know what it was but i knew that when i got drunk or high or later when i became sexually active by choice as a womanizer i felt better temporarily and that led you into some broken relationships and been married three times oh yeah i i had first wife i met her uh in my early twenties i had got off the drugs and alcohol everything i would call turkey went into an aaa meeting they said step number one is admit your powerless turn it over to god and i thought forget that you know i blamed god he got me into this mess i'm not going to him and i walked out and just out of stubbornness i white-knuckled it you know and got myself clean but then about a year into the relationship i started to have full traumatic recall of the physical abuse and so i started to become what they call a functioning alcoholic i was working in social services had a good job i was drinking a secret social services oh yeah i was i you name it i was i was doing it i had a very good job i was supporting persons with developmental disabilities working in group homes i was later in management but i was i was basically functioning alcoholic for a period of about two months and then one night i did the thing which i'd never done before i drove home drunk i thank god no one was with me passed out at the wheel and the reality is as i came out from that tried to get my vehicle you know set so i could ride out had collapsed and what in fact it happened was my back was broken in two places my ribs were all busted i had felt chest i had severe internal bleeding and you know i almost died in the hospital now scott you're drunk you smash your vehicle up you break your back tell me what happens after that yes at that point in time my first wife she was done with the relationship we moved into my parents basement we were now separated and i just got to that point where i was just done i was having traumatic recall of abuse um [Music] it was game over so i made the decision to commit suicide my dad used to share with one of those old razors that had the straight razor inside it you know you put inside and so i decided to slip my wrist and my parents home and right at that moment um when i was going to do it i heard the audible voice of god and you know i knew it wasn't some sort of acid flashback drugs or alcohol or whatever it was very clear and the lord told me to stop and he said you don't know the plans i have in store for you and that was it and then there was a dialogue that i can't remember the details but pretty much god showed me all the different times where he had you know pulled my butt out of the fire what age we at that point scott um i would have been early twenties okay so that marriage ends you have another marriage you kind of dabble in the occult and spirituality that marriage collapses so how do you go from wanting to kill yourself but you did hear god so you've got a i guess a greater god conscious at that point where did when did it kind of all come together for you well it's interesting because in the voice you know of god it's amazing i remember the church i got saved at which was the met in ottawa metropolitan bible church there was this old jamaican lady vera i remember her saying something to me something really profound and she said to me she said you know scotty anytime god builds a church satan builds a chapel right next door are you feeling me brother and that was it the scripture talks about you know i'm the good shepherd the sheep hear my voice so i was being deceived after that on the path of the occult so ultimately i get to third and final wife number three in vancouver we have our daughter cheyenne and you know she's exploring faith and all of that we moved to ottawa and uh she ended up getting saved come to jesus the father of jesus exactly she comes to jesus and um i'm just continuing as a ceremonial leader in native spirituality in the occult and um what ends up happening was because i still have this emptiness i become this works guy that i would feel better about myself if i'm just doing stuff so i end up getting you know two awards from the city of ottawa from my work with kids i'm doing all this good stuff but i still don't feel right during that time when i was working in social services my daughter cheyenne was in school i was a musician so i started to go on to do music circles volunteering so i did daytime full schedule doing music circles for kids from kindergarten to grade six night time i was working in social services plus doing the full course loading university doing my psych degree the first degree and during that time i encountered these women who also volunteered and they called themselves christians and my experience of christians was hypocrites you know do as i say not as i do there was something different about them and they invited me to church this one day and i decided to go i got there and it was really profound like i just it felt really powerful and at the end of the service this church elder comes up to me wayne webster and he says to me uh i want to thank you for ministering to my grandchildren i said what you think i'm the pastor here he says no you know the music circles he said we want to take you out for lunch you're very involved in music yeah and also of course also very involved in the motorcycle community as well for sure so he uh takes me out for lunch with all of these people and they pray in the name of jesus and i'm thinking why does it have to be in the name of jesus so on my way home i'm driving home and i get out of my truck just sounds crazy i'm on the side of fowlerfield road and i start yelling at god who is jesus and for the second time in my life i heard the audible voice of god the real one and he said he is my son and that's when the wheels came off the bus for me so what i didn't say was i was doing a psych degree but i was minoring in theology i was studying all different religions figuring i could unite them under this banner of what i was involved in native spirituality but jesus got to me he was a stone in my shoe so after that coming to a place of salvation things change and that's when the heavy lifting began you know it was there was a lot of work that happened there well and i think one of the things that we you know always try to remind people is there's the jesuit moment when you came to know him it changed your life but i like the terminology heavy lifting because you had to deal with a lot of stuff you know the the the abuse the sexual abuse the drug addiction involved in motorcycle activity and gangs and all those kinds of things so what would your encouragement be somebody watching today that has a life that maybe not as dramatic as yours or maybe even worse what would you say to them i say first of all don't compare your story to anyone else's because your life is precious to god you know and so you what has happened to you is very significant that's number one number two is it's a process it is a journey and even though you may be struggling and you feel alone you know god has always been there with you through it and there is work that has to be done but the more that you turn over to god the more he's going to use you and he's going to work with you and today i mean i think man i'm now a public school teacher i'm uh involved in the bond slaves motorcycle club you know which is celebrating 30 years this year i'm able to minister to so many broken people and take that experience that i had what satan intended for evil and to use it for good [Music] you

Channel: 100huntley

Views: 41,792

Keywords: 100Huntley, Crossroads, Christians, Jesus, Christian Testimony, Christian Testimonies 2021, hearing the voice of god, god's voice, hearing god's voice, hear god, hearing gods voice testimony, my testimony, christian testimony, testimony, testimony christian, jesus, christian, my testimony christian, salvation, testimony of jesus

Id: -SCbqcDqPAE

Length: 12min 56sec (776 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 11 2022