I have no ambition in life - but I feel fine

it is early spring and that means I temporarily  live in a ghost town as we wait for tourist season   to ramp up again in the summer everything is quiet  during this time working at my bookstore may seem   like a very boring job but I'll tell you a secret  I absolutely love to be bored it gives my mind so   much space to reflect to imagine and at times like  today think about how with each passing year I   have less ambition to do something with my life  and a greater desire to Simply live [Music] it from childhood through school and University  I ate up the message that what we do for work   and how much we can externally measure  success reflects something significant   about who we are maybe it does but I think  perhaps the most significant part of who   we are isn't something anyone but us can  know it's not even something anyone else   can see it's just there here under the layers  of all your external goals and comparison and   competition and expectations waiting to bloom  waiting for the right time waiting for [Music] [Music] you [Music] when I was a child I was always asked what was  I going to be when I grew up in college I was   asked what I was going to do with my degree as  a business owner I was asked how I was going   to grow my shoestring operation into a full-blown  company I was asked how I was going to change the world but the truth is I'm now a grown adult  I don't know what I want to be I'm not really   using my degree not directly at least and  I don't want to expand my business I don't   think that I need to change the world I just  need to change to grow to be kind maybe that's enough I just enjoy being right now doing my  best and seeing where things go not relying   on a specific outcome to make my time spent  here feel worthwhile all the things I thought   would make me happy have not and quite a few  of the things that initially didn't taught   me everything I needed to learn to be content  that Journey brought me here to the middle of   nowhere living quietly in a rural Town filming the  natural an Cape hoping it will mean something to [Music] [Music] others maybe my ambition is to think  about things to be happy with less to let go   a bit more to be content with imperfection maybe  that makes me seem like I'm lacking in drive or   motivation but I'm not tired anymore so maybe  that's a sign that we're not all meant to have   big Ambitions the life journey is extraordinary  and hard and beautiful no matter what and I just   want to be here for it maybe you'll take  a moment today to just be too we can do it together if you remember my last house tour video you  will know that we still haven't unpacked things   for the top floor of our house it's been a work  in progress for a long time we don't really have   room for a nursery but we're trying to decorate  a little corner for a crib I finally hung up   curtains and put out a couple of decorations I've  had in a box for years and finally unpacked when   I said I'm not tired anymore earlier I meant  that while my physical body still gets tired   especially now in my current state my soul isn't  heavy anymore if that makes any sense it was as   if I was carrying this unconscious burden of  expectation and self-inflicted pressure for   years that I was never aware of until I began  to let go I almost thought being tired all the   time was part of my identity and I'm happy now  to know that my relationship with my mind and   body is an intertwined being that requires  a holistic and gentle approach and gave back   generously when I was ready to work towards  feeling more free more at peace more like me again hello everyone this was a bit of a shorter  video I'm in that final stage of pregnancy where   I have to go to more doctor's appointments and it  is about a 4-Hour round trip to go to them and it   cuts out a whole day at least if not more and so  that's been definitely an adjustment to trying to   balance that with everything else so I uh doing  what I can and I do have some big craft projects   planned for the next couple weeks so I am looking  forward to sharing those with you soon last time   I was at the hospital my mother encouraged me to  find some maternity items that actually fit me   and some that I could use for um Post delivery  as well and so I found a few things that were   very comfortable and it was a really strange  experience to finally go to a shopping mall   and that was really weird we don't have anything  like that over here so going to a place where I   could actually go shopping for clothes was really  really interesting and uh yeah it was um a lot to   look into the mirror in the fitting room and see  a body that is completely different from the one   I used to have and um in a very good way as well  I think it's a wonderful Testament to myself that   reminding myself that throughout the beginning of  this channel to now I have progressed so much in   my health as well as obviously just in my life  I've gone through been going through a lot of   different stages of life through this Channel  and I just love that I love seeing the evidence   that that time and that energy and a bit of the  heartache I put into really trying to reflect   on my habits and be a healthier person overall  inside and out has really shown and really taken   its course that is one thing I see very positive  of looking at photos of your past self because   I know it can be hard for some people to do that  but I also think it's just so wonderful to see how   far you've grown and how much you've come I just  think it's it's a beautiful thing if we can look   at it through that more positive lens all those  changes in my life and all those improvements   in regards to physical health and mental health  being a holistic thing that in my experience works   together very uh intimately uh one thing affects  the other often at least for me it has been even   more of a testament to myself that I have become a  happier person The more I've let go of these very   strict expectations and these very strict goals  of what I need to do with my life and I'm not   saying that's the answer for everyone I don't  think having Ambitions is a bad thing I don't   think having very concrete goals and working  towards them tirelessly is a bad thing I think   all of that's positive I just wanted to share a  little bit of my own journey of realizing that   I was holding on to these certain ideas for so  long for example I needed to be a very successful   writer or run an extremely successful business I  know in University I cared so much about being a   very successful academic and I think sometimes  we can do that in our own lives in a different   way the moment we have a body that looks a very  specific way then we'll feel like we allowed to   be happy or our lives will align just perfect L  then then we can be at peace and then we can be   happy and obviously there are very healthy ways to  have Ambitions where it doesn't mean that you're   going to be happy once you achieve these goals  but for me a lot of the goals I had were about   that it was this sense of I'm allowed to Value  myself I'm allowed to love myself and I'm allowed   to be proud of myself only if I achieve these  certain things I'm so glad I have let go of that   because if there's one thing this experience of  making videos has taught me is that all the most   important things I've done in regards to valuing  myself more and being more content and peaceful   overall had very little to do with actually  achieving certain specific external goals it   was really just about learning to embrace myself  and my life where I'm at and work towards dreams   but know that what actually is happening the life  that is actually being lived is being lived right   now and I can't 100% guarantee I'm going to have  that in the future I can plan for the future very   carefully and I can make good choices and all that  and all that's wonderful and and quite virtuous to   do for sure but it's making sure to balance that  make sure I'm not living in the future mentally   last but not least I wanted to say a huge thank  you to anyone who has sent me an item for our   baby or sent me a letter in the mail or sent me  anything at all I wanted to let you know that I   appreciate it so very much and that I also wanted  to apologize greatly if I'm not able to get back   to you and write you a physical letter I try so  hard to get back to people but I found it to be   really difficult finding that time especially  in this stage of life right now and so I just   wanted you all to know that if you have sent me  something just know I have read it I've cherished   it and I really appreciate it and I'm just sorry  if I'm not able to get back to you I am trying but   it's not always possible for me and thanks to so  many people including also some friends and family   we are so overprepared for our baby now and it's  just been this huge onslaught of love and support   and baby blankets and all sorts of things um so  we're so ready and I really appreciate that and   thank you to all um in every way thank you wanted  to let you know that I'm also doing a series of   videos on patreon as well as with live streams  talking about different aspects of simple and   slow living it's called the foundations of simple  living series and it's been really really fun to   do it's just been discussion topics and it's  been a really lovely community over there you   are welcome to check that out as well if you are  interested and thank you so much in every way for   being here and I hope you enjoyed this sending  you so so much love and I I will see you soon goodbye

Channel: TheCottageFairy

Views: 573,308

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Id: eAdhk8GkKhU

Length: 13min 7sec (787 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 30 2024