I HAD AN EARLY MISCARRIAGE.

oh my gosh I just I can't just let me so let me show you guys so I took three [Music] pregnant oh I'm just so excited I haven't told you yet I bought little scratch or tickets let me show you what they look like at Paulo's furniture tickets like I saw them on Etsy and they were like super cheap and I was like well whenever I get pregnant it'll be super cute to like do it this way but they look like this and on this side it like has little things that you have to match and then on the prize box it says it says we are pregnant so next time you guys see us I'm gonna be telling you that we're number three the anticipation is literally killing me oh my goodness we're having [Music] are you freaking kidding me [Music] [Music] baby number two hey guys welcome welcome back if you're new to my channel welcome today's video is going to be different than the videos I normally post um this one's gonna be like super personal um maybe a little too much information but I felt like it was definitely on my heart to share my story with y'all I feel like getting it out there and just sitting down and just talking about it um it's definitely gonna be like part of the healing process for sure like at least for me personally as you probably saw from the title I did just have a miscarriage today's Wednesday on Sunday it has been really hard oh you can't really like you can't really like describe the pain you feel when you lose your baby mine was an early miscarriage but I don't think that necessarily makes it any easier um yeah it's just been hard I think I should just start from the beginning and we found out we have pregnant with our third baby I want to say like three weeks ago three weeks to go um almost four weeks ago um and we were all so excited we could not wait to tell our family and it was it was just really it was a really happy time I would have to say though about two or three days after we found out that we were expecting um started feeling a little worried like I felt like it was too good to be true I felt like we got pregnant so fast because we got pregnant this same month that we were trying like it only took one time um I don't like I just kept feeling like it it just like wasn't gonna happen for us like I was gonna lose the baby I remembered crying to my husband um like a couple of nights after we found out we're pregnant and I was like I'm feel like I'm gonna lose our baby I feel like I'm gonna have a miscarriage this doesn't feel right I was taking pregnancy tests even though I took one I found out I was pregnant like it was for sure I was pregnant I kept taking them every single day after which I have two other children I did not do that with either one of them like I got the pregnancy test came back positive and I was like well I'm pregnant but for some reason with this one I kept having to reassure myself that I was pregnant because I just I don't know I just kept feeling like something was wrong and I didn't know what it was but something was wrong and a couple days off for that um I called my parents and talked to them about it and just told them the same thing like I just feel like something is wrong something's gonna happen I'm gonna have a miscarriage I'm gonna lose the baby like I was in tears like so panicky that this I was like this wasn't gonna happen that I was gonna lose the baby and I'm someone who has really bad anxiety so I kept writing it off as it was just my anxiety I was thinking way too much into it and basically it was just like the enemy trying to bring me down steal my joy steal like this gift that God has given me like just take that like joy for me from that gift um so I kept like telling myself everything's gonna be okay but then like the next day would come and I would be absolutely terrified that I was in the baby and the during this time I was experiencing like white cramping and like really really light spotting and I thought that was really weird because I don't remember that with my other two pregnancies and also i am i noticed that my pregnancy symptoms weren't as strong as my other two pregnancies like i got morning sickness like right when i found out i was pregnant with both of my boys and with this one I didn't get morning sickness whatsoever like not even close to anything related to morning sickness there wasn't really any symptoms besides like I had a heightened sense of smell and that was probably for like the first couple weeks and I want to say like within like the last week that completely went away um and then I just kept telling my husband like I just feel like I'm not pregnant like I don't feel any different than what I did before I found out I was pregnant and I just thought that since this is a different maybe I was gonna have a different experience and I just wasn't gonna feel the same so I just like kept I myself everything was okay everybody thing was okay even though I just like my motherly instinct didn't feel that way so one day when I was at the gym I noticed like the spotting was just it was just a little different than it had been cuz like I said I had been spotting just like here and there and I just I just didn't feel comfortable about it so I called my dog - the same same day and thank God they got me in the day after like no the next day they got me in which was a blessing um so the night before I go into the appointment I just remember being like really scared because I was terrified like what I was gonna find out like what I was gonna see what I was not gonna see and with both the boys that was not even like a question in my mind but with this one I just I like I said I didn't feel right so I went in to the appointment and I had to take the boys with me so I had both the boys with me they were good for the most part like oh sorry guys I'm like losing this son over here um sorry if it's getting darker but that's like the clouds are coming in so anyway the video just got darker so I'm sorry about that um but I took the boys with me so they were in the room with me the doctor did a transvaginal ultrasound and I remember like a part of me just being like so ready to see my baby and be relieved and like all of this fear that I've been feeling just like would go away and I wouldn't have to worry anymore and I just remember just like breathing deeply and just being ready to see my baby and I didn't see my baby at all um and I kind of felt like just taken back for a second and I was just waiting for my talk to her to say something and it took her a little while to say something and she was just like how far along are you when was your the first day of your last period and like I told her and she's like are your periods irregular and like she kept asking me questions and I knew what like I knew something was wrong like I knew that that just like wasn't something they normally asked so she got done with the ultrasound she had me addressed and she came back and she's like well I see the gestational sac like I see um that you are pregnant I see that there is something in there like your baby's in there but it's a lot smaller than it should be for how far along you are and that does worry me so she said it's either I got my dates wrong which we were so excited about having baby number three that I I mean I did make it trying to conceive video so if for those of you who did watch that I went all out like I was documenting every single period for months I bought two different brands of ovulation test I was tracking it on like three different apps on my phone I knew for a fact my dates were not wrong like it would just be so hard for them to be wrong so it just like that would just didn't make any sense to me so um she said it was either my dates were wrong and I was earlier and that's why she could like barely see the baby how she should have been be able to see it you know that are ahead a miscarriage and when she said the words I just I felt just heartbroken like I felt so heartbroken and I so badly wanted to cry I could feel the tears coming but I had both the boys with me and I was like no I have to be strong right now I cannot break down um especially in like in the doctor's office with both the boys like that just this is not a time for that um so she had me go get my blood tests done and I forgot to mention that I did go see my primary care doctor like a week prior because like I said I was worried with this pregnancy because with both the boys I never even considered going to see the primary care doctor I never did I just went to my Tamika appointment and my ob/gyn so but I wanted to like get a blood test and I wanted to check my HCG levels like I wanted to make sure for sure I was pregnant so I went in a week prior got those that blood test done so she had me go get another blood test done to check my HCG levels to see like where they were so I did that and then she had me come in the next day for another ultrasound appointment that one was gonna be more like in-depth and they were going to see more things check my tubes and like all of that stuff so I go in the next day they check everything she calls me with the results and I just want to say like the day before after I found this out I left my Ben called me just to see how I was doing like what was said and everything and I was in the car and I just started bawling my eyes out I could like hardly talk like it was just heartbreaking and he kept telling me like everything was gonna be okay they said like maybe like a 54 not really 50/50 percent chance even though those were my only two options but I don't know they thought it was a 50/50 but my that's how my husband was thinking about it he's like everything's gonna be fine we're gonna find the baby's fine everything's good so I kept trying to stay positive but then I would think about it and I'd keep crying so I was just so ready for this appointment it's a good happen um so they do the ultrasound but I went to a different place to do it so the person who is doing those ultrasound tech so they couldn't tell me anything I don't wait for my doctor to call me but later that day she finally did and she said that um they did see like before like they just see the baby in there but it was just so small so I still might be early they did notice some hemorrhaging my uterus was my uterus was hemorrhaging so there was blood coming from it she said that could either be normal or that could be a sign that my body was getting ready to have a miscarriage my HCG levels when I first went to my primary care doctor were like almost 400 and when they did it the day before it only had gone up to 1600 and they wanted it to be closer to 3,000 so just like hearing these things so I just thought I just like was just I was just so sad like even though she didn't tell me like you lost your baby I felt like she was basically telling me you lost your baby so she said it could still be too early my dates could still be wrong to come in at um when my um when my really coming in two weeks when my original appointment was scheduled so I was like okay two weeks this is gonna be a really long two weeks like not knowing whether or not like I lost my baby or I'm gonna lose my baby or my baby's completely healthy so I was just like really leaning into God and praying to God for a healthy baby and for me to have patience and not like for my anxiety to not be bad during this time um that way you know if I was still pregnant I want to be stressing my baby out um but I just I felt like I would I cried a lot like a lot like I felt like I had already lost my baby before I lost my baby you know or before I knew I lost my baby so let's see that was on Friday um on Saturday I was just trying to think positive I was trying not to think about it too much until I got it for sure answer on Sunday is when the spotting really picked up before I had spot a periodically here and there not even every day but Sunday happened and I was spotting all day in all morning I should say until the afternoon bright red spotting yeah I noticed like really uncomfortable cramps too like more consistently and I was laying down editing a post then I was gonna post and I stood up and blood just came like porn down and I just knew in that second um that I was losing the baby so I called my husband who was at the gym and I was in tears and I was crying and I was like you need to come home I'm losing the baby right now so he rushed home and in the meantime I called my parents and was talking to them and until my husband got there and I just remember just sitting on the bathroom floor with him just crying the boys got up from their nap they came in there and they were so sweet they were like cuddling me and giving me kisses and they were just being like so amazing and that I feel like really helped knowing I still had you know I had my boys there with me all three of them um and that was just like a knit like I feel like it was just a really really really really hard night really hard night and I felt like the miscarriage just awesome almost like a slap in the face because not only was I losing my baby but I was being constantly reminded that I was losing my baby like from just like the constant bleeding just like every time I had to use the restroom it was like right in my face like here was your baby so that was really hard and that night I usually take my prenatals at night and that night was normally the time like okay it's time for me to take my prenatal so I asked my husband like do you think he can go grab like my prenatal and then that it like hit me like I don't even need it anymore and that was so hard like that was so hard it just like it was like a stabbing pain in my heart um and then the next day I made an appointment to go in to get an ultrasound done again because they wanted to see if the baby was still in there so my husband and I went um she showed us the screen the empty screen where there was no baby she said there were still some clots in there some blood clots in there so she gave me some medicine help get that all out she told us the statistics one in four women she told us the reasoning with the chromosomes she told us um just how sorry she was that this is how the situation went cuz you could tell she was hopeful when she first came in which was really nice to feel because if it had been fine like it would have been nice as she wouldn't have panicked me so that was really nice um so yeah it was confirmed that we lost the baby and it was really hard like really hard um what can i what I can say though that made it just I feel like a little bit easier was that I felt like God was preparing me the entire time like from the day after I found out I was pregnant I felt like like I said I felt like I was already gonna lose the baby I felt like you know it just didn't seem real I feel like I wasn't like able to get myself super excited like I like I did with my boys I felt like the fact that he had me like go to my primary doctor the fact that he had me go in even before my ultrasound appointment - even so they could even make like for them to even have that as an option that I may have had a miscarriage or my body's getting ready to miscarry I kind of feel like he was like hey Mariah here you are like get ready basically um and I did like I felt like I lost my baby before I found out that I lost my baby and I had already been grieving that entire time like I feel like I spent my entire pregnancy grieving the loss of my baby because that's literally what I thought was gonna happen the entire time so maybe that's why now that it was confirmed and it's been a couple of days that I found peace because I just was worried the entire pregnancy I spend my entire pregnancy worried about my baby I feel like now I don't have to worry because I know exactly where my baby is my baby is in heaven and my baby is with God and I don't have to worry about my baby anymore and I feel like that has given me an insane amount of peace like insane amount of Pisa and just like praying constantly with God about the situation I appreciate y'all taking the time to watch this video and it feels really good to just share my story so you were not alone and please fell free to reach out yeah guys um miscarriage is hard but God has a purpose in a plan and even though we may not understand it or agree with it I personally just I accept it and yeah I mean that's all I can do sigh guys that is going to be it for today so I will definitely see you in my next video [Music]

Channel: Mariah Cantando

Views: 1,063

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: early miscarriage, miscarriage symptoms, miscarriage story, miscarriage signs, early miscarriage symptoms, 6 weeks, pregnancy loss, early miscarriage signs, miscarriage at 6 weeks, first trimester miscarriage, early miscarriage story, miscarriage symptoms 6 weeks, miscarriage signs at 6 weeks, miscarriage at 6 weeks pregnant, first trimester miscarriage stories, first trimester miscarriage symptoms, miscarriage story time

Id: tWw7uCP8rrU

Length: 22min 42sec (1362 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 18 2019