I Ground Daughter But Today She Shows Up With Smug Smile On Her Face So I Immediately Check Cameras

i male 51 have three children one girl one boy and one child is gender neutral my son eric 22 is the oldest eva 20 is the middle child and charlie almost adult is my youngest sadly when the children were all young their mother my wife passed away and i've been raising them by myself ever since as i've chosen to never remarry since my wife was and is the love of my life i'll say i'm definitely not a perfect father but i've done the best i could to raise my children now eva has always been a bit wilder than her siblings even before her mother's passing i've tried everything ranging from having sit down talks with her to putting her in therapy and taking parenting classes and reading books to see what i could possibly do to help therapy seemed to help a little bit but she decided to stop soon after turning 18. now let me tell you the story as to why i'm here my daughter eva still lives with charlie and me as she goes to school and has definitely been home more due to the global issue but it started to go out more now that they are letting up on some regulations i was out getting dinner with an old high school buddy of mine when i get a panicked call from my son who had been at my house hanging out with his siblings to summarize what he told me he got into an argument with eva and charlie sided with him argument occurred because she scratched his car and refused to apologize eva became very volatile and even called charlie a slur which is a big no for me so i headed home and tried to calm everything down i told eva i didn't care what they had been arguing about and that she wasn't allowed to disrespect charlie or eric like that even i ended up being the ones to start arguing but i soon shut it down when i realized it wouldn't help i forced her to apologize and took away her car privileges until she could learn to respect her siblings and i thought that was the end of it the following day after work i ended up coming home and finding scraps of papers all over at first i didn't get it but soon found out that she had cut up about a half dozen letters her mother had written me when i was much younger i was livid i know it was her because i have a couple of cameras in my house i just walked into her room and told her to get out she was smug and rolled her eyes but then i yelled get out of my house and she realized i was serious she was crying and screaming but i felt sort of numb at that point and she left with her friends but now i feel like i was being too harsh but i want to stay in my ground am i the idiot for this edit she did know about the cameras they're really just there for my dog she knows they exist as she watched me install them and looked into one of the cameras as she cut the first letter eva and charlie have been arguing a bit more recently still it's never gone this far before i don't know if it was a buildup of some sort of emotional resentment and that the last argument was the last straw or if this was a spur of the moment thing that she committed to doing but honestly i'm just lost as a father right now eva was aware of the security cameras she was there the day they were put in while destroying the letters she looked right into them not only did she want to hurt her father but she also wanted him to know it was her who did it i don't often get into psychological stuff in my judgments but that's messed up on so many levels given the reasons i've just mentioned i feel completely confident in rating opi is not the idiot i was on the fence when i originally read the post kicking a child out is always rocky idiot terrain but as i read more information it became abundantly clear that she should not be around her younger sibling or in that house until she gets some serious help which i do sincerely hope she gets please note that letting her off the hook easily for extremely malicious actions will not help her growth you are her dad and as such love her but the world does not care about her and will not understand or forgive her as easily she needs consequences that will help her learn to check her behavior not the idiot she is an adult and can find her own way if she is that disrespectful as the child of a mother who passed when i was 10 i find it very odd that any child would destroy anything like this left from their mother unless they are completely psychotic this cannot possibly be real i 19 female and my mom 60 had my stepdad pass away two weeks ago he has been in my life since i was 10 and i loved him so much and the whole situation of his passing was traumatic because he passed away in her arms and we are grieving i have been taking care of my mom because i feel i need to i make sure she takes her heart medicine making sure she eats and drinks water every day just overall being as helpful for her as i can well i left the house today to go out with my boyfriend i told her i'd be coming home later in the night normally i come home late and i didn't text her today because i assumed she would be sleeping long story short i came home tonight to see an unfamiliar car in my parking spot in our driveway at 11 pm i was confused but just thought it was one of her girlfriends i looked in the window to the living room and saw a shirtless man i went to open the door but it was locked and i heard my mom whisper we weren't doing anything okay i'm shocked and confused she opens the door and i just looked at her and said what the heck is going on i usually wouldn't disrespectfully speak to my mom but i couldn't hold myself back this time i looked at the man sitting on the couch and realized that he was my biological dads my mom divorced him and he still loves her ex-best friend who my dad and mom have known since they were 16. he recently divorced his wife and rekindled his friendship with my mom i went off and started asking them why they were doing that in my step-dad's house yes i know he passed and is not coming back but it seems gross to me that she would do that so soon in the home that was my step-dad's before it was ours i just couldn't believe what i was seeing i know i have no right to tell my mom what to do but i was in shock and just started yelling at them i then told the guy he should leave and he walked out before he could even put his shoes on after he left my mom just laid down on her bed and stayed silent i asked her why she thought that was a good idea and why she had to bring him into our house for a late night booty call she stated that my stepdad was in bad health which is true and they hadn't been intimate in over a year and she never planned for that to happen with the guy she invited here i want to tell my older sisters what happened to know what to do but i'm conflicted edit at the end of our disagreement i told my mom i respect her opinion and she can do as she pleases but not bring him to our home since i know who he is and always thought of him as family i understand she has needs and will cope as she sees fit i can respect that but i disagree with it am i the idiot no idiot's here i absolutely see why this upset you it would upset me too if i was in that situation but i can also see that your mom was sad and turned to a friend for comfort it wasn't a great move on your mom's part to let you find out about it but i cannot imagine that it was on purpose no idiots here your mom is grown she's grieving and lonely if her husband was in bad health for a year then she may have been lonely longer than just these past two weeks seeking out male companionship for comfort is probably a bit self-destructive so soon but it isn't inherently wrong it feels like a betrayal to you and i get that i really do but it isn't actually betrayal she can be self-destructive if she wants to because she's an adult not the idiot i get it your mom is also grieving and people have different ways of coping with loss granted this isn't a very healthy way however i find that she didn't consider your feelings or your sister's feelings in this situation if she wanted to sleep with someone else she could have done so in a hotel none of the house of your deceased stepdad your reaction was completely normal and for people saying that it's not your business what she does or with who she does it it kind of is she's your mother and she lives with you in the same house this was just rude bringing another man into the home and planning to have intimacy with him knowing your daughters might be able to hear it especially after having lost their stepdad two weeks ago this only happened to me yesterday so it's still pretty fresh for me and i'm not sure how i feel next to where i work there's a cafe that i go to every day at the same time for about four years i order the same thing every day to the point where the waitress runs my order as soon as i walk in the door she doesn't even ask i'm friendly with the staff i get to hear about what's going on in their lives and most importantly to this story i always sit in the same spot if it's available the tables range in size and number of seats the ones in this particular corner have four seats but really are too small for four people well yesterday morning i went in to get my bacon and eggs said hi to the waitress and took my seat the inside was busier than usual because it's winter and cold outside four ladies then entered after me placed their orders and sat down at the four seater next to me now these ladies were a little larger and had ordered food and coffee so the table would not have been a comfortable size for them the first lady turned to me and asked quite politely if i could move to another table as i was alone so they could push the tables together before i could answer though the second lady interjected demanding the same quite rudely i refused and suggested they could move as there were several larger tables outside although again they would have to braid the cold this second lady became quite demanding saying i was selfish and her friends were obviously embarrassed she raised her voice to the point the waitress asked them all to leave for hassling the regulars so now i feel torn on the one hand this lady was rude and i was a paying customer who didn't want to sit outside in the winter air on the other hand the other ladies weren't rude and i was occupying a table that they could have used if i had moved they could have had their food in peace instead of getting kicked out so am i the idiot a perfect example of kindness getting you further than vitriol you didn't have to move you were going to as a favor because the lady was nice that was until her friend pretty much demanded you move it wasn't your fault she got her friends kicked out she did that all herself for being rude not the idiot i am a really nice person but i have no tolerance for rude people and trying to bulldoze people into getting their way if more people shut rude people down the negative reinforcement will probably teach them better manners not the idiot as someone that has worked in several restaurants and cafes i would have kicked out a table for harassing my other guest regardless of whether or not you were a regular if the ladies asked once nicely i think it would have been nice for you to move although i would never ask someone to move as a guest or a server it wouldn't blame you if you kindly refused the fact that they demanded it means they felt entitled to it and don't deserve it your actions didn't cause them to be kicked out their actions did what do you call a group of four people sitting and enjoying lunch at a table with an idiot four idiots if her friends weren't actively getting her to quiet down and be reasonable they are accepting and normalizing her behavior by default they got themselves kicked out by associating with and accepting that behavior my 23 male brother nearly adult came out to my highly conservative parents last week he's now staying at my place last night we talked and he was crying that he quote couldn't believe they kicked me out i was just listening trying to be a good brother to him through most of the conversation but when he said that something snapped in me the reason that caused me to basically short circuit was that i was kicked out for the exact same reason i came out to my parents when i was 18 years old i was basically on my own from that point on so i stopped the pity party and told him you didn't think they'd kick you out don't you remember when i came out five years ago and they kicked me out the same night he was there you would have witnessed the crap show even though he was just a kid i was homeless for a solid year because of our parents couchsurfing with friends scraping together a job and saving enough for even just the deposit for this apartment and finally getting to some semblance of a normal life it's outright stupid that you came out with no backup plan or thinking they wouldn't kick you out for the same reason i was kicked out look man i love you you're my brother and i'm here for you i won't let you live how i lived but seriously think use your head why would you think they wouldn't kick you out when there was proof me that they'd be willing and able to then he said well you were technically an adult i'm still underage i just didn't think they'd kick me out i looked at him in disbelief but i was done with the conversation i just went to my room to sleep it off and cool down but now that it's the morning after i'm stuck just thinking did i go too far did i let my emotions get the better of me am i the idiot you are the idiot simply because i think you reacted the way you did because you're still feeling the wound from when your parents kicked you out rightfully so it was a very painful moment and healing is a complicated non-linear process unfortunately you took that anger out on your brother and i think if you apologize sincerely and try to explain what it was like for you in the aftermath the couch surfing the struggle to save enough money to get your own place it may help to mend some fences with him not the idiot i was going to say nobody's the idiot here besides your idiot parents up until his last line well you were technically an adult i'm still underage that's basically slapping you in the face he saw what happened when you came out why he thought he wouldn't get kicked out because i'm underage it's just lacking in forethought especially saying that to a person you who also got kicked out for the same reason nobody's the idiot here i'm not entirely sure if i want to say you're the idiot for the reasons below but your parents are huge idiots i get why you're frustrated it's hard seeing your siblings struggle the way you did and it's infuriating when they do it thinking oh just because it's me it'll magically be different you reminded him you loved him he had you but he was on some crap i also get his reasoning he didn't think his parents would kick him out at his age but they would at 18 which is stupid but for a whole different conversation because he's legally a kid their kid and maybe after seeing your hardship they tone the bigotry down and be more accepting this time i'm sorry for what you both had to go through and i hope you both grow to have great lives my sister is going through a bit of a rough spot and i invited her to stay at my place for a few weeks to give her a proper opportunity to get off her feet a little she's been staying with us for a little over three weeks now my girlfriend's mom who was such a kind and wonderful person to be around stays with us for a few days before she meets up with her friend my girlfriend's family is from senegal and she has a senegalese name my girlfriend's mom speaks english with an accent granted it's not perfect and she sometimes gets confused but most of the time we can understand what she's saying my sister has this habit of condescendingly correcting my girlfriend's mom's english she might slip up a little and then continue speaking but my sister will always interject and correct her pronunciation word choice etc my girlfriend politely asked her to stop as she's making her mom insecure about her english but my sister insisted that she needed to learn properly despite my girlfriend and i correcting her multiple times in the past my sister still pronounces my girlfriend's name wrong my girlfriend just shrugs it off at this point but her mom has tried to correct her politely she tried but then told me in private that her mom was not pronouncing it the english way i found this funny and told my sister tough with every incident she grew more patronizing and i couldn't stand it so i asked her to stay somewhere else for a few nights she's mad claiming that my girlfriend's mom puts me up to this it's not her fault my girlfriend can't pronounce her own name properly and that she was only trying to help my sister is obviously annoyed and told my family who insists on making my sister stay with us again as she my girlfriend's mom needs to learn proper english and there is no harm in correcting someone so am i the idiot not the idiot first of all telling someone how to pronounce their own name is rude second your sister is not helping the girlfriend's mom learn english she is simply being condescending and making fun of foreigners as a polish person who was often made fun of because of my accent that thing hurts not the idiot it's rude to correct a person repeatedly in conversation unless they've asked you to do that it's rude to continue to do something that someone has asked you not to do it's rude to pronounce someone's name wrong and make no effort to correct yourself or apologize you don't say if your sister speaks another language but how would she like it if your girlfriend and her mom refuse to speak english in front of her the funny and ironic thing is that my sister is trying to learn french but refuses to learn from my girlfriend or her mom as they don't speak proper french she claims that west african french isn't real france french and she doesn't like it when i speak french with them as i'm encouraging the use of improper french i thought she was obliviously ignorant but with these incidents continuing i'm not so sure anymore [Music] you

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Length: 17min 52sec (1072 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 01 2022