I dropped out & moved across states to surprise her only to painfully experience my worst nightmare.

caught my girlfriend 26 female of four years cheating on me 28 male last night need advice on how to proceed we've been together for almost four years i've never clicked with someone like i clicked with her we said our i love yous on the second day we spent together the first two years were the two most incredible years of my life despite being in neighboring states we spent as much time together as possible whether it be via skype or text and on the weekends we met up she was everything i could have ever asked for in a partner and i thought she was the one the first two years she would always bring up marriage and kids and things like that but i was in school at the time and the long distance combined with school and work started to put a serious strain on me and i knew it would put a strain on our relationship soon enough so i decided she was the most important thing in my life and prioritized her yes this is all very foolish in retrospect and dropped out of school to move in with her because she had a very high paying stable career jobs for me were hard to come by so i took a massive pay cut and worked a very dehumanizing job it paid the bills but that was it i never once asked her to support me and always made sure to pay my fair share in the meantime i worked my ass off trying to better myself through online courses and certifications so i could land a job in a field i had originally wanted i was depressed and unhappy but i never showed it never blamed her for any of it tried my best to make her happy the first year after moving in together was okay some good times some okay times it was clear that our relationship wasn't what it used to be but i chalked it up to us settling in and the honeymoon phase ending this is also when she started really vocalizing out of nowhere how much she did not want to have kids even though i never brought it up and in fact i still don't want to have kids then out of the blue she started hinting about how she's perfectly content not getting married to that should have been a red flag but again i ignored it during this time i came close to landing a dream job quite a few times but always came up just short and each time i could sense her respect for me dwindling i told myself to stop being irrational and paranoid and again ignored something that should have been a red flag that brings us to our last year together when we first started dating we had sex pretty much all the time like as in as soon as we walked into our apartments we both have high sex drives and it was amazing this past year we had sex a grand total of three times and each time it was her doing me a favor after i had basically begged her every time i asked the response was i don't feel sexy when it should have been i don't find you attractive i don't respect you and i only keep you around to pay half my rent till someone better comes along but i respected her wishes obviously and stayed with her because i loved her too much during this time my relationships with all my friends deteriorated mostly because i was struggling to work self-teach and maintain my relationship with her plus i was in a different state for my close friends and didn't feel like making new ones for the past couple of months i had suspected something was really off about her she started going to the gym and lost a bunch of weight and became a very different person both physically and personality-wise she became incredibly cold towards me stopped doing all the routines we used to have she was always very needy and clingy but all of that stopped whenever she would show me some affection it'd just seem so incredibly forced i tried talking to her about it many many many times and she'd assure me that everything was fine so i'd go back to telling myself i was imagining all of it that i had read too many threads on reddit from the guy's point of view every second i spent with her at this point was agony and i felt incredibly lonely i wanted to end things then but didn't know how and didn't do it for fear of it actually being all in my head i basically was looking for hard evidence at this point then at the end of last month she told me she's going on a trip to atlanta with her friends in the time we've been together she has never gone on a trip with anyone save for me she never even hangs out with her girlfriends outside of work i knew that was it so i didn't stop her i acted supportively and continued to try and focus on myself when she returned that's when the real suspicions began we've always been very open with our cell phones and computers around each other we both know each other's passwords she'd always leave her phone laying around the house and i'd sometimes use it to take pics of our cats and whatnot but after she came back her phone was with her 24 7. not only that but she was constantly texting i still didn't act she even went in for minor surgery one day and i had her phone with me the entire time but i decided against checking it i should have she started making constant bathroom visits that'd last more than 30 to 40 minutes now i realized i should have checked her phone and was just looking for an opportunity then last thursday out of the blue she tells me she has to go visit her parents upstate one hour drive and spend the night because her dad is going in for surgery believable but my paranoia was on high alert and i was scrutinizing her every move and word so she leaves for work on friday she was supposed to go to her parents straight from work after and i check her computer one of the tabs has a google maps direction to a neighboring city from her workplace definitely not where her parents live by the way she spent the night before being very affectionate with me she slept the entire night in my arms something she's been repulsed by for a long long time i don't know if she was guilty or trying to put my mind at ease but that got my attention as well i didn't get any texts from her all friday i go into work friday night i work nights and still no texts this is when she's screwing the guy also by the way the day before she bought some really sexy lingerie showed them off to me and then chose to wear the most revealing one to go meet this guy she texts me saturday morning and tells me she's coming home now it takes her four hours to get home it's a one-hour drive from her parents most likely had another morning session with the guy she gives me a ride to work when she gets home and i see the cash in her car she never keeps cash in her car like that unless she has to pay tolls her parents house doesn't involve tolls but the google maps destination involved tolls i remembered i go to work saturday night and she goes out with one of her girlfriends to a bar at like 10 p.m she's in bed by nine most nights and she never hangs out with her friends outside of work she doesn't get home till 2 a.m i was on the verge of texting her and asking her if she was spending the night with someone but just as i was about to she called me and came home sunday she goes into work she works a part-time job as well after she gets home we go get some dinner and relax in bed for the rest of the evening she spends the whole time texting sexting really on her phone while she's laying right next to me but tilting the phone away from her so i wouldn't notice what she's typing it's incredible how stupid she thought i was every time she'd put the phone down it'd be face down she goes to take a shower and takes the phone with her i have at this point decided i'm checking her phone tonight even if i have to snatch it out of her hands and run to the bathroom i wait for her to fall asleep tell my final mental goodbyes to the girl i used to know in this life i've built with her i take her phone and sneak to the bathroom i check her text conversations none of them seem out of the ordinary the only guy there is her dad i turn off the phone and i'm about to put it back when something in my head made me turn back and check it again the top conversation is from one of her girlfriends i know i open it it's not her girlfriend just her name that she was using to hide this dude i see all the texts everything they did on friday how much she likes him how much she wants him and whatnot i've never felt so defeated and miserable in my life i didn't think i would be but seeing those texts was something else i stormed out of the room and woke her up she came clean and admitted to the guy but didn't admit to anything else i can't really believe anything she says anymore she wasn't even upset just mildly annoyed blamed our faulty relationship on me i told her i was going to propose to her this christmas i was and that made her even angrier she told me she had made it very clear she didn't want to get married i know that's another lie she does want to get married and have kids just not with me i haven't spoken to her today i don't really know what else to say if there's ever anything else to say i'm currently in the process of packing and moving back to the other state where i used to live but i'm a complete mess right now i've had breakups from long-term relationships before i've had some others cheat on me before but it never felt anything like this it physically hurts thinking about her and this other guy it hurts thinking about the girl i used to know is gone she's a complete stranger now looks attitude even her voice is different when she talks to me i want to hate her but i can't that makes me even more miserable i thought about dating other women but none of that appeals to me right now all i want to do is go back in time to the way we were if anyone made it this far thank you typing all of this out really helped if you have any advice it'd be greatly appreciated caught girlfriend cheating broke up now feeling destroyed don't know how to proceed with life i caught her cheating and forgave her i'm really disheartened by the reaction and response that occurred recently in regards to the i caught her cheating post my story i had been seeing a girl for three years and it was wonderful i couldn't believe i had found someone so perfect for me we were living together for most of this time but we ended up being apart for half of a year toward the end for reasons unrelated to the relationship despite her being in a different state things were still as good as ever we made a few trips to see one another and i thought that things were actually building up the relationship was getting better and better then there was a period for a few months where she seemed to become distant i feared the worst but assumed i was being paranoid this girl was far too emotionally connected to me for there to be anything else going on so i thought i decided that i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i let this slip away over something so silly as the distance between us even thinking that it could somehow evaporate seem silly we were just way too close i acted out of paranoia nevertheless i called her and told her i wanted her to move back and move back in with me and that i couldn't stand for us to be apart any longer and that i felt as drifting i can't explain how horrible the following moment was i had never heard her so sad she was mortified and i could tell before she said anything she told me i'd hang up and never speak to her again i told her that wasn't going to happen maybe that prepared me at that point i assumed cheating but in the back of my head i was thinking she had maybe gotten a disease or something it was in her wording i spoiled everything forever or something like that it felt like an eternity i was waiting for her to tell me she had hiv that's when she told me that she was months into a pregnancy that wasn't my doing my heart sunk i knew that the entire future we had always planned was gone i told her everything would be fine and that i loved her and that accidents happen i asked for just a few details how far along she was and if she was being healthy i then told her not to worry she would hear from me again but that i had to go afterward i went back and looked at our phone and email history to try and pinpoint the day that she did this assuming it was only once and with one person the worst part was that she cheated on me when everything seemed fine we had talked that day and had a hilarious chain of emails it was such a betrayal believe me it hurt the seriousness of pregnancy too this wasn't just a she was carrying some other guy's kid like what was my dream was merely some other man's accident after all this time i still can't avoid crying when talking about the details of it when i called her back i told her she was forgiven i was honest and told her that i was hurt and that i can't trust her anymore but i wasn't cruel she knew how hurt i was but i think she was hurting much worse both of our dreams were shattered but at least i didn't need to live with thinking it was my fault i'll admit i had some horrible feelings and thought about some horrible things i'd like to say but i just had no desire to be vengeful when you love someone you don't want revenge you want to understand i was just sad this all happened a few years ago for the sake of brevity i'll sum this up by saying she had her baby and he is wonderful i stayed with her as a friend through the entire ordeal we are still close friends today i am so happy that i didn't react harshly she and i are not together that trust is broken however i retained a friend had a great life lesson as did she i also got to practice love when it wasn't easy though it makes me sad to think about the details of this event i'm very happy that i still have this person in my life i'm very happy i wasn't mean to her when she was at her lowest point i'd regret that today this is the one comment i will respond to because i feel there needs to be some context the moment she told me this information it was over she knew it and i knew it the conversation was not going to be about hurt feelings and bruised egos because now i was talking to someone who was pregnant with a child i talked to her the way i would talk to any friend who was in a similar kind of crisis it wasn't about me or us it was about her and the baby the worst thing i could have done was make her have any resentment around her pregnancy it was important for the sake of this baby that from the get-go there were no hard feelings involving his existence furthermore she was already beating herself up really badly like really badly i was worried even a half-hearted cry for help kind of event could have been detrimental to the health of the baby she needed not to because she was forgiven but hear the words that would be said if she really was forgiven she needed to be burst fatal grace no she never said anything to hint she would hurt herself either and she never held me emotionally captive once she was stable i removed myself from the situation until after the pregnancy was over and she was fine with that she never played any mind tricks i'm not a doormat though i really don't take offense to being called one in this case she turned into a desperate friend at that moment so i had to respond accordingly protecting my pride was the last thing i was concerned about i knew she was in a worse place so it was my choice to do my part in making sure she and the baby got through this okay i'm a strong person and i recovered just fine my little brother gets walked all over by meaningless women because his life is controlled by his penis there are other people in this thread who would have taken the girl back i know doormats i'm not a doormat someone also said i'm being taken advantage of i promise you i'm not at least no more than any friendship is a pair of people taking advantage of each other i quickly drew boundaries yes she and i are friends but i've since moved on and i've been in a few relationships that have been normal and healthy despite getting a bit sad when retelling the story it's really not much of a big deal at all anymore i wouldn't even be able to guess in what way i'm being taken advantage of no more replies from me thanks everyone i've loved reading your comments and i still am in case it isn't completely clear i am not in a relationship with this girl anymore there seem to be a lot of commenters that miss that also i fix the word here to hear sorry

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Views: 31,725

Rating: 4.7950664 out of 5

Keywords: unhappy, sad, depressing, school, dropped out, marriage, reddit married, reddit stories, best of askreddit, reddit relationship stories, story, narrated, reddit narrator, reddit real voice, break up, cheating, cheating stories, infidelity reddit, surviving infidelity, reddit sad, regret, reddit regrets, bad decision, reddit help, reddit what to do, wife, wife cheated, cheating wife, cheating girlfriend, cheating friend, honeymoon, honeymoon stories

Id: cv420jStjgg

Length: 16min 40sec (1000 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 05 2021