I called the police and turned him in. (A crazy Reddit Ask Me Anything)

read it ask me anything my husband is a pedophile UK ask me anything this year I found child pornography produced by my husband on his PC I called the police and he was arrested there is an active court case currently in progress so I may have to skirt around some specifics when it comes to the case my friends and family have been very supportive but also have been morbidly curious about the ins and outs of everything I thought this may be something interesting to discuss here on reddit feel free to ask me anything what was your first reaction I was in shock adrenaline took over and I had the shakes initially I thought he was having an affair but when I realized what I had seen I called a friend sister-in-law of one of the children when I spoke with her a clarified in my mind that this was big bad and I needed to call the police I spent most of that day shaking and drinking lots of tea it was only an hour also in that it dawned on me that my life was about to change in a drastic way it hit me like a ton of bricks [ __ ] what about the house what about husband's name what about kids names I have been a lurker on reddit for over six years I finally signed up a user account today just so that I could leave this comment thank you you are doing the right thing I am a 35 year old man have dealt with PTSD and repressed memories from childhood sexual abuse I will never see my violator brought to justice because everyone involved was too scared or confused to do anything about it when I was a helpless child again thank you you are doing the right thing and in your own where you are a hero do not be afraid of the fallout from this you are on the side of justice will you guys married for a long time if so was there any suspicion or hints he gave along the way this sounds like an incredibly tough situation to be in all the best with coming to terms with it red heart suit we have been together for around 10 years and married for around three at the time I was blind to it but in retrospect there were definitely some things I should have spotted he was always interested in supporting younger girls and had quite a few on snapchat he was in his thirties but I generally thought that he was being helpful and kind to our extended family and friendship group he was generally quite a tactile person and enjoyed snuggling up with a blanket on the sofa with friends so when he was also doing this with young teens this didn't ring any alarm bells for me there were also a few times that he was alone at home with children but I saw this as babysitting something that I am having to deal with with a therapist his learning what is normal behavior I don't want to be skeptical of everyone in the world because only a small minority of people have bad intentions but equally in the future with relationships I want to be aware of red flags what do you mean by supporting younger girls how young and are you saying he was friends with them on snapchat and you didn't find that Whitt aged around 12 14 as far as I believe giving them friendly advice for example school or support with mental health at the time I didn't find this weird as they were family or family friends enjoyed snuggling up with a blanket on the sofa with friends so when he was also doing this with young teens this didn't ring any alarm bells for me WTF I understand how it sounds and in retrospect it does sound ridiculous however at the time it just felt so normal we would all as a group be on the sofa with blankets during movie nights including family of the child in question I think little things like this became normalized that to me does sound normal cozying up with young family members on the sofa to watch a film is normal and shouldn't be seen as a sign of something more sinister I don't have any questions but I read how you found it and didn't ask him you just turned him in and I really want to just say how grateful I am that people like you exist in the world because frankly that's a shitty shitty situation and wheedle wonder why but why frankly just isn't the priority in that situation and he can answer that in jail thank you I have a number of friends who tell me that I have been braved that honestly it just felt like the right thing to do nothing brave about that him home however victims dealing with his arrest and his crimes becoming public was he making videos and images for his own collection or was it an attempt to sell trade with other pedophiles scary to imagine those images floating around the internet forever was his suicide comment a reflection of his own guilt around the circumstances or something unrelated what are the ways in which you've found healing you are incredibly brave and selfless for reporting him thank you for being a good person I say this as a male victim of abuse when I was underage how are the victims dealing with his arrest and his crimes becoming public they've struggled they were groomed and believed that they were in relationships with him so that has been hard with them to get their heads around also learning that what has happened to them is wrong the crimes haven't been publicly reported yet notice local press but I imagine when it goes to court probably will I hope that their names aren't released as part of this though was he making videos and images for his own collection or was it an attempt to sell trade with other pedophiles scary to imagine those images floating around the internet forever I hope and believe that they were for his own personal collection but I don't know was this suicide comment a reflection of his own guilt around the circumstances or something unrelated I'm not sure if it was a true reflection of his guilt or him manipulating me one of the people he turned to for help with his suicide comment was the mother of one of the children which could indicate either what are the ways in which you've found healing counseling lots of tea mindfulness kitten cuddles sleep spending time with my amazing friends looking at the bright side of situations drinking lots of water going for walks medication I'm certainly not there yet but trying my best to put in healthy behaviors to help you are incredibly brave and selfless for reporting him thank you for being a good person I say this as a male victim of abuse when I was underage thank you I hope that you have found healing and peace from your situation as this situation inflicted damage on your self-esteem or do you realize it's a him thing from a physical perspective I don't feel attractive from a mental capacity due to the situation my memory has gone to pot and I struggle at work I'm usually quite a high achieving person and the fact that I am NOT mentally as capable has really knocked my confidence I hope through self-care the amazing support network that I haven't professional help that I will start to rebuild and gain my self esteem again you'll eventually get to a point where you'll realize that he was going to do this no matter what it's a psychological problem with him I'm sure he did find you attractive and does love you but it's something wrong with him not you you're brave as hell for doing this and extremely strong I have no doubt if you can do this you'll be able to do that as well I'll get where eventually and hope that he did care for me and find me attractive I'm just learning at the moment to try and get my self-worth from myself rather than validation from my partner something easier said than done but what was the folder called it was hidden in a program file I can't remember the specific path but it was something like program name common app data set up general how did you find the folder my husband had been acting strange and had told me that he was suicidal he didn't want to speak to me about this I knew that he had been speaking to some people online so I'll log on to his PC when he went to work I saw that he'd spoken with a friend and downloaded some bits I went on his recently changed folders and this was a folder which came up I'm fairly tech savvy myself and something didn't seem quite right about the file path how do you feel about him and the time you have spent with him in retrospect it's really difficult to believe that my husband has done all of this I find it easier to think of my husband and the pedophile as two different people I believe he must have some sociopathic tendencies to have been able to have lead should a double life in retrospect I have realized that he was quite manipulative with me and I didn't see this at the time in another breathe I spent 10 years of my life with him and learnt and grew as a person we shared so many fond experiences and I can't write those chapters out of my story but I thank him for my me the person I am today but it is really difficult for me to accept how much evil he has done the more evidence that has come out as part of the court case the more I realized the person who I knew and loved wasn't real I don't know how much sense that makes but I hope it answers your question do people treat you as if you have committed the crime too or are they supportive of what you did once you found out at this moment in time only the families involved a few of my friends and my employer are aware of the situation all of the people who I have spoken to have been very supportive of me however I am concerned when it becomes public knowledge I may run into issues for example if my neighbors find out they may not know that I was the one who handed him in was the first thing on your mind to get him imprisoned or did you consider discussing this matter with him and seeing if you could work it out I think I was in shock initially when I realized what the images and videos were to begin with I thought he was cheating on me and then I noticed that I recognized the children and the images I call the friend prior to calling the police and I remember distinctly asking her this is police bad isn't it when I called the police I don't think I was aware of the consequences of that action it was only afterwards that it dawned on me how much my life was going to be turned upside down I haven't wanted to speak with my husband because I don't want him to try and win me back over do you know if it was only children he knew or random internet stuff do you think he was physically abusive toward children your children sorry if too personal no problem at all as far as I'm aware it was children that we knew however there could be more that I'm not aware of I saw folder on his PC but once I realized what it was I didn't look any further I know that he has had sex with children however I don't know if he hit any children luckily I don't have my own children have you talked to the parents of the children or any of the children that you recognize no from the images what has that conversation being like I can't imagine having to go through this as a parent thank you for doing the right thing what a nightmare yes I have luckily I didn't have to be the one who broke the news as I gave the information to the police and they spoke with the parents he had groomed the children into believing that they were in relationships with him and if they told anyone that it would ruin their families and break up his family to be one of the children originally denied it when the police came but later confessed conversations have been hard but necessary we're all on the same side so to speak so you have been very supportive of each other one of the parents wanted me to go into all of the details which was hard but I felt it was necessary for her to hear it because she really wanted to know because I am NOT a victim of the crimes the police haven't really been keeping me up to date so I've been receiving updates via the parents of the victims regarding the case I can empathize with you I found out last year that my then best friend was a pedophile I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you out but I'm still struggling with it if you could go back in time would you still want to meet him thank you so much for reporting that sick duck how many victims did he have how many years will he get for being a pedophile 15 is also technically underage which was when you'd met him could you also use yourself as evidence to testify against him about his methods tactics I love the username at this moment in time I'm not sure of how many victims there are I'm aware of three we haven't been given time scales because he hasn't been officially charges at this point the way that the legal system works in the UK is the police will investigate once they have the evidence they need to charge they will go to CPS and present the items they feel they have enough evidence for that is statutory rape possession of indecent images production of indecent images depending on the items they are able to charge for will depend on the amount of time he could be put away for I have given the police a statement and they have asked me questions regarding the beginning of our relationship but I think it will depend on whether or not that will support whatever they eventually charged him with I hope that that makes sense and answers your questions a few questions if you don't mind what do you feel when you think about your husband now what do you feel about yourself having fallen in love with someone who's done these things have you spoken to your husband since he's been arrested and what was reaction to the crime what are you going to do now hey no problem at all I feel very conflicted I explained it in a bit more detail in one of the other comments but I find it easier to think of my husband as two people my husband the man I knew and loved in the pedophile who did these awful things the more that has come out over the court case the more I realize how little I knew of the true person he was I do think he must be mentally ill I love my husband to pieces but I don't think that person is real just a side of my husband that he presented to me when we met I was 15 and he was in his twenties and in hindsight this could have been a red flag I was young and naive and vulnerable to someone who was elder and exciting and liked all of the things I was interested in I do feel a lot of shame around the situation and that I was in love with him and didn't spot things sooner but I take solace in the fact that I acted as soon as I knew what was going on I do beat myself up for not spotting the signs my husband is not allowed to speak with me as part of his bail conditions his mum passed along a message that he loved me but that has been the extent of things sorry nothing too exciting I'm stuck in limbo at the moment I'm waiting for the court case to happen no date yet as they're collecting and investigating the evidence I'm currently in the marital home and we'll look to file for divorce once he has been prosecuted luckily we haven't got children so once the divorce has been finalized that should be the end of any contact that we might have when we met I was 15 and he was in his twenties and in hindsight this could have been a red flag this is a huge red flag that says to adults not so much to you what did the people around you think about you seeing someone so much older when you were just a kid parents friends et Cie we only officially started dating when I was 16 my mum was very unhappy about the situation but after a couple of years dating him he had won her over my friends didn't really vocalize any concerns they had his friends used to joke about him being a pedophile for dating me and it was always the running joke but didn't raise with me any serious concerns I feel like his friends should have been weirded out by it I'm 22 and if one of my mates started dating a 16 year old I'd find it very weird I know it's technically legal at that age but you someone of that age wouldn't even be on my radar have you told your mum what you discovered how does she feel about it all yep I'm in my mid-20s now and if one of my friends dated a teenager I'd have questions yes I've told my mum she wants to have five minutes in a loaner locked room with him if I'm on his sex tee I think she harbors a lot of guilt over the situation especially because she has had safeguarding training as part of her work and feels that she should have spotted the sign sooner what did you do with his stuff burn them throw away give to his parents the temptation was to definitely burn it and destroy everything however I've returned his things back to him I'm trying to be as amicable as possible because I'm aware that we will have to go through a divorce process and don't want to be seen as a rational how are his victims how much support have you been given had anyone pained you nobody has explicitly blamed me or at least they haven't told me that the victims aren't doing great to be honest luckily they have all been able to have psychological help and they also have liaisons with the police I have had to be proactive with my own support I wasn't referred by the police for any victim support I have to say this is incredibly brave for you to turn him in and now be so candid about it thank you have you been in touch with the victim's family how are they reacting to you there is some speculation that pedophilia is a sexual orientation and as such there is no way to fix these abusers what are your thoughts on that I have to say this is incredibly brave for you to turn him in and now be so candid about it thank you thank you I find talking about it helps and appreciate that it's not an everyday occurrence so people may find it interesting have you been in touch with the victim's family how are they reacting to you yes I have they are very grateful for what I have done and have been very supportive of me we have pulled together during this hard time there is some speculation that pedophilia is a sexual orientation and as such there is no way to fix these abuses what are your thoughts on that I personally believe that it is a sexual preference like a fetish however there is a difference between acting on those urges and not people can do things to satisfy these urges for example role playing without harming children I know that people can also go to therapy for these feelings as there could be reasons for this fetish for example something happening during puberty which has caused the attraction I believe that acting on those urges and having sex with a child or consuming child pornography hurts innocent children and is not acceptable I am by no means a professional and have no sources to back up these opinions though did he ever direct any abuse toward you only psychologically after hearing the testimony of the children I personally believe that I was groomed by him when I was younger and he has emotionally manipulated me over the years Roe you made it to the end you're ducking beasts I'll cut you a deal smash LIKE and subscribe for more curated content 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Keywords: reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, reddit ama, ask me anything, reddit ask me anything, r/IAmA

Id: vg3tJhHyoog

Length: 18min 35sec (1115 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 11 2019