How We Survived Our LONG DISTANCE Relationship || Christian Dating Advice!

okay it's a little bit cutting off our heads grandma loans barry what she was uh my grandma who was famous for lopping off people's heads in photos that sounds so bad it was my grandma she was known for laughing off people's heads you can always you can always tell when it was there was a photo taken by her said pictures because it's like it wouldn't be here everyone's foreign yeah because it sounds like she's decapitating people yeah hi guys thanks for clicking on this video i'm so glad you're here he is so glad you're here it's been a while since he's so glad he's here that's true because it's been a while since the two of us have like sat down and filmed a video anyways we are talking today about how we survived our long distance dating relationship which i don't know if many of you even knew that we were long distance but for the majority of our dating well actually no i'd say half and half half and half were spent long distance um but we didn't start off long distance new importantly we started dating in colorado which we have our whole how we met how we started dating i'll have that video linked in the description as well if you want to know some of the backstory before this even started happening we started dating in colorado and so then how long was it before i left it was a discouragingly uh short amount of time it was like three months i don't think so that's two really i thought it was three i left we started in july we started dating in may yeah yeah in july we did have some time in person before it happened and we spent a lot of time together in person so i think that's what made it even weirder to be distant because when we were like in the same state and only like 20 minutes away from each other we spent like every day together nearly yeah and it would be like full days almost so it was really hard when i felt called back to washington um to be with my family my grandpa was going through a lot of health issues and i was the only one that lived in colorado at the time all my family was back in washington and i just felt really disconnected from them and it was hard because i remember talking to you about it i remember talking to like my friends and even like my employers and just being like i feel like i need to do this but i didn't think it was going to be like long term i think i told you it's going to be like as long as they need me there because i told everybody which i'm assuming i told you because i didn't know that i was going to stay in washington but i told like my employers i told my friends and stuff it was only going to be i don't know like a couple months a month maybe i don't know um i wasn't really sure how long i was going to be up there and then when i was up there i was just going through a lot of stuff with the family and decided i needed to stay and that was really difficult obviously for us but it was really difficult for me in trying to communicate that back to like my employer and yeah it was rough i moved back and i got a job in washington and it was like there we go officially long distance but obviously all my stuff was still in colorado so i did have to go back for a week and that's when we hung out and we talked and i remember like you gave me a letter and i gave you a letter no you didn't give me a letter he never wrote me letters i gave him a letter i'm so bad um i wrote him a letter and just like explaining how i felt and like and moving back home um that it was not me ending the relationship kind of thing and that we could make it work so i don't know if he felt like that what did you feel like how did you feel about then having that much distance between us like 13 1400 miles something like that man there was a lot of feels i supported you in doing it even though it like personally hurt because i understood like why like it made sense um it's still yeah it just kind of like brought up a lot of emotions obviously because i knew i liked you a lot and i know from experience that i am you get the most of nick when you're with nick um i'm very intentional when i'm with people and when i'm not directly with someone when they're not like in my life physically it's not that i don't love them or that i don't care for them but i can easily drop off the face of the earth because i get so involved in people and you know things that are yeah that i'm dealing with right then and there which obviously makes it not so great for a long distance and i have historically struggled with long-term i also didn't know that about him you know so because we had only known each other for a very short time only been dating for a couple months i didn't really know him that well so i didn't know that about him and i think it was obviously the things that were most important to us were communication and that was something that like he said he struggled with so that was something that i had to continually kind of at the beginning establish we are going to communicate as much as possible or this isn't going to work not only like communicating but like seeing each other as much as we could on skype and stuff because if we weren't seeing each other if we weren't communicating there's no way that relationship would have worked it would have been impossible for me i have to be like emotionally connected to somebody and and for me like my love language was quality time his love language was physical touch and so it's like we couldn't necessarily do those things together so like for me our skype dates were incredibly important to me like i would drop everything and eventually like you got to that point too where you saw how important it was to sit down you know distractionless and focus on the person talk to them know about their day i think that was big on me too i'm like i want you to know what's happening in my life i want you to know what i went through that day even if it's like a quick phone call to be like this happened today i want to feel like you're in my life i remember calling you like when i'd get off like with my internship and it would only be like a couple minute call yeah we definitely had those quick ones and that was good just to kind of like keep in touch but you also needed you needed the long calls to like get out like big stuff and you know and it would be it'd be like what three to six hours sometimes i feel like like on a really long one uh but i feel like three to four was probably typical sometimes we would fall asleep on skype oh it is true skype is great like the fact that you get to see your significant other in a box and you know like and you and you know but you get to see them and the magic of technology and communicate and and talk about things rather than just over the phone it's still infinitely better but you do have the difficulties of i don't know it being like harder to connect in some ways and then obviously dealing with all the connection issues and all that just makes it like less engaging so you really have to like you have a deep conversation all of a sudden their face pauses and you're like hello yeah yeah so you really have to like work through a lot of yeah i don't know difficulties in that sense uh because it's not easy you miss the person like crazy um but also that's another thing yeah tell them you miss them you know like if you're missing them it takes literally 10 seconds to send a text that say i miss you and that means so much coming from like if you're going about your day and you're probably thinking about them because you love them and they're on your mind but to know that they are also thinking about you it's just that quick connection to be like yeah i miss them too it takes no effort literally no effort throughout your day if you're missing them tell them yeah there's a couple other things that come to mind as being important it helps to have a date in mind like planned out scheduled flights purchased you know like whatever else it is of like when you are going to physically see each other even it's just for a day or two you know you came halloween and you like and we could plan on that and really look forward to being able to kind of like temporarily end the long distance so like yeah if you're in school like playing around a break there's going to be other things that you could do you know like going on there's things that i wanted to do and that's where it's difficult for me and i'm sure for a lot of people doing long distances there's so many things that you could be doing and you have to make that commitment to this person so you have to know that they're you know important that they're worth it in your life um and then it might mean sacrificing another thing you're finding yourself wanting to do these other things rather than seeing your significant other then maybe they're not the right person for you because maybe you don't care about them that much you know like if you'd rather go and do those other things than seeing them if you hadn't seen them in a long time then you're already disconnected you know and that could be a sign that maybe this relationship isn't right or isn't working when he's talking about like setting a date so that you can actually look forward to something and you can even like we would always have countdowns on our phones about when the next time we were going to see each other was like that gave us something to look forward to and it was like oh my gosh we only have like 20 days left until we see each other and then you know kind of counting down until that and if we didn't have one set up which i'm sure there was plenty of times when we didn't have like our next time like set in stone maybe of like when we wanted to but not like set in stone it was a lot harder because it was like you were saying goodbye but you didn't know when you're gonna see them next yeah whereas like when we would say goodbye and we knew the next date like i'll see a little bit easier for sure here yeah what was probably the furthest distance that we went in between like four five months four or five months yeah and oh did we ever answer this in general how long what in total our long distance was yeah so our long distance from washington to colorado was 10 months and then when you moved up here we were kind of long distance it wasn't we're getting to that it wasn't really long distance but it was still like harder aspects of it yeah yeah within that the longest we went without seeing each other was like a stint of five months between visits which brings into mind one of the most important aspects of long distance to me which i'm thankful i never felt like i even had to question which made it way easier um which is trusting your partner uh trusting your boyfriend your girlfriend um like like that they you know like aren't gonna be uh cheating on you uh when you're further away and there's other people in their life yeah maybe boys co-workers this that you know like and that you aren't worrying about whether or not they're going to be because it's like you aren't married you are like yeah things aren't like locked in but at the same time you know you still want to honor this thing that you are um you know have both agreed to and that you want to see hopefully you know at least we believe that the purpose of dating is you know in trying to decide if this is the person you want to marry and that should still be the end goal so the fact that you're even dating in the first place is like oh i see you as a future partner for life where there's no such thing as an open relationship you know for us and just because we're also christians like that opens up a lot of just very sketchy situations also a lot of heartbreak that could go into having an open relationship and it's like when we decided we were going to get into a relationship it was like i am exclusively dating you i'm not gonna date other people i'm not going to keep my options open like you are pursuing me i am pursuing you exclusively we knew our commitment level was that to begin with you know you have to have those conversations before you get into a relationship because yeah if you're going to go long distance and you haven't established that this is going to be a committed relationship and you don't know whether or not they take this seriously then yeah you would call into question what are they doing are they hanging out with other guys where are you at right now yeah checking in their geo location yeah so you start to kind of get that worry if you're in it but they're not yeah but we were both in it and we were very clear on that that it's like no one pursuing you and so i didn't even that wasn't even a question that i was considering that you were falling for somebody else when i wasn't around it was like i i knew his intention was to pursue me and i knew that he was going to do it the best he could and that we were going to try and get through a very very difficult thing of long-distance dating yeah on that note just coming to mind right now i would talk about you a lot to the people around me like and i feel like that helps like they weren't just like some imaginary person i'd show people pictures you know they'd asking it's like every other girl that was like in my life it like knew i was in a relationship um which helps you know like especially for them too if they like don't like see someone around you maybe they're like oh i like those but if you talk about this other person that you're with i mean hopefully you'll avoid the the the case of you know like someone coming on you and then you have to like be like oh actually uh you know like or even bringing that temptation like just show people that you're passionate about this person that's far away you're excited to see them you're like and it would like it would just remind me that it's like hey you exist even though you're not here it's like you exist i'm excited i love you and that was other people know about you that was the same with me too it's like i talked about him a lot around my co-workers and around anyone that i was with and they knew they would ask about him all the time to be like how's nick you know people that i worked with would always be asking about him and uh my my boss actually like gave me tickets to go and see him yeah because like he knew that we were in a long-distance relationship and so it was like it's hard being in those so to have people around you that are also in this and rooting for you in this and praying for you in this that's extremely important so let people in that's that's something i wasn't even thinking about mentioning but now i'm like thinking it's super important to have other people with you in your relationship especially if it's long distance because they can help you they can ask you questions they can keep up with you on how you're doing how's the relationship going if they ask you how's nick doing and she's like i don't know maybe that's a sign you need to go talk to them yeah exactly oh i haven't talked to him maybe you should do that hey on the other side like if things are difficult you have someone else to you know like to con fight in and maybe you know bring to mind some things to talk about for those next you know like serious calls and to have community with you though in your relationships yes and try and like i remember us looking up like games to play with your significant you know like whether it was like online or like fun things that you could do over a video called or whatever like we tried to like have it like a mix between like we would have serious talks and those were good um and then also yeah just like fun light-hearted things something that i wanted to touch on though which is just that like in the sense of like well not everything's hunky-dory all the time you're gonna have rough patches in long distance because it tests you it tests your boundaries it tests your patience um you know just a lot of things and i know for me being kind of a social butterfly you know like we talked about like oh you know like if you had to make that choice between like physically seeing your other significant other and you know going and doing something fun on spring break you know snowboarding whatever else um you know like kind of yikes you know especially when you get very few opportunities but for me i know that it was difficult there was you know some things that had come up where it was like you weren't coming down for spring break and all of my intern groups like eight or nine people there was a mix of like guys and girls but they were gonna go on a super awesome like you know like there was a friend of one of theirs who like owned a you know not like a lodge you know like up in the mountains and it was just gonna be so peaceful and just great because we've been working ourselves to the bones and i was like oh awesome and i'd get to be with my buddy you know like craig and i had plans you know like to try and make it as responsible as possible because you know like there wasn't it gotten a bunch of things but it ended up being you know like something that it's like we we trust each other but there's still things where it could be you know like a source of like not just like worry but of just like is this wise or is this whatever else and so um the fact that it was like kind of a mixed group um and there was probably going to be drinking involved and i think you know like uh i ended up deciding not to go and that wasn't like oh because you know like i had the opportunity to see her it was just because i had voice control yeah she had voice concern i wanted to listen to those but it did require that sacrifice on that part and it was very difficult i had really died of myself that day because the the socialite in me just wanted to let loose wanted to do something fun wanted to be with other people and i think also that brings up how do you even have an argument long distance they suck you know because you're not able to just like hug it out and like talk through it and just like be there and i know how much even like me who's not as like physical touch oriented but i know that like the way that we're wired a lot of times you just need that person's presence like with you to like diffuse what's going on and just like to hold your hands like i read i think it was um jeremy and audrey roloff had like they have their like beating 50 ministry thing but they had mentioned that when you are fighting try holding the other person's hands because it's really hard to fight with someone when you're holding their hands you know like it's something about that physical connection that that does make it a lot harder to fight so when you're long distance it becomes extremely easy to fight because you're not there with them you can just hang up you can close the screen whatever you know what you can just ignore them and they can go away and you can go on with your life and so i feel like fighting long distance really takes a lot of just like strength and perseverance to not just give up on them when things get hard and i think it tests you a lot more to be like how are you going to fight long distance because if you can fight and work through it then odds are you're probably going to be able to work through it in person way better because it's a lot easier to to just like yeah kind of say i'm i'm done with this i don't need this i'm gonna go hang out with my friends you're 1400 miles away i don't care what are you gonna do you know you know what i'm saying yeah definitely our rockiest points in our relationship was long distance yeah we almost broke up multiple times and that's why i kind of call into that how do you fight well because we were definitely struggling with that and struggling how to communicate how to connect and how to work through our issues without without being together you know yeah and it was in that stint of five months that we we did we took a break um which is something we didn't think that we would do and something he didn't want to do because he thought that you know breaks were breaking up but pretty much i always led there from high so in high school you get to that point where you haven't seen each other in so long i don't even know how many months it had probably been like maybe at that point probably like three months um that we hadn't seen each other and we knew we weren't going to see each other for another couple months and so it was like is this even worth it like we're not able to fix this we're not able to work through it all we're doing i feel like it was in march because i remember being miserable on my birthday yeah um so yeah like we worked through it but that's the thing is like you're probably gonna have rough patches in long distance they were our roughest patches but we we made it through yeah by god's grace yeah you had mentioned that before have people praying for you be praying for each other yeah have some grace for each other um but yeah really just be praying for them and with each other yeah that's true that was big for us too it was praying with each other yeah that's one of the beautiful things about prayer is that i don't know it's like if you have a hard time opening up to your significant other sometimes it's like when you're just talking or telling them like what you know if they ask like hey what can i pray for you for deeper things are going to come up because typically the things that require prayer not always you know like we can petition god with with things that are small and large um but typically right it's like our prayers are like these deep yearnings of our hearts are the painful areas that we don't reveal to other people it's like just between us and god so it's a very intimate thing and they often are outside of our control it's things that it's like i can do nothing about this yeah i need god to come through yeah like you were saying it's probably gonna be something that's like deeper and bigger that this person feels like they need your help in prayer you know in a way of like i'm really struggling with this and letting that person into those vulnerabilities so pray for each other yeah so pray for each other for your time for each other all the time pray for us be afraid do you want to talk about our long distance quote unquote in marriage even or is that going to be a different video yeah so we were kind of sort of i don't know if you would say long distance but we just were opposite schedules in our uh work situations when we were in marriage like our first two years of marriage pretty much our whole marriage basically um we never saw each other so if you would like us to touch on that because i know that that's probably the same for a lot of people especially like military families and stuff like how to be married when you never see you know like how to how do you how do you be a wife if you never see your husband how do you be a husband if you never see your wife so we can make a separate video on on the things that we've gone through in our marriage of just like how do you even connect how do you find time to connect what do you do when you're in that situation um but yeah since this one's kind of long and it was more about dating i'll kind of leave it at that and then see if you guys want to know about the marriage side of things but i hope you found this helpful love you make sure to comment and tell nick that you love him being on the channel because i know you do anyways uh thank you guys so much for watching and if you ended up liking it please give it a thumbs up and if you haven't subscribed please subscribe i'd love to have you back and we will see you in our next video bye i'm sorry throw that in the video your last little like you know and seeing blooper for the people that stay that was the weakest one that's cause it was forced [Music] you

Channel: Kendra Christine

Views: 11,343

Keywords: how we survived long distance, long distance relationship advice, christian dating advice, surviving long distance, how to survive a long distance relationship, long distance relationship, we survived long distance, christian long distance relationship advice, christian advice, christian youtuber, christian married couple, christian marriage advice, christian dating, long distance, dating long distance, our long distance relationship, long distance advice, dating, christian, jesus

Id: Psh3wcl3e30

Length: 25min 12sec (1512 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 16 2021