How We Live With Autism: Our Special Needs & Strengths | Wired Differently | CNA Documentary

[Music] [Music] my name is amanda i am a mother of three kids um easy one don't do that you have to do your homework and drink okay tomorrow agree to go shopping shopping [Applause] [Music] andrew is my elder son he is seven years old he is diagnosed with autism whenever i say do homework he will cry he will scream and he will melt down try to roll on the sofa just refuse to do his homework but whenever i'm firm to him i'm stunned to him he will still listen uh hey no matter what you still have to do your work you have to submit to your teacher so after sometimes tolerating his meltdown then he will slowly drag his feet to do his homework [Music] my second son is anders he is four years old and my third child is a daughter her name is angelia when we suspected andrik is autistic um i actually quit my normal job and then move into real estate so my timing is more flexible it was quite traumatic for us because we didn't know what is autism about that time i feel quite helpless at that moment i was also pregnant with my second child it was a bit difficult to manage my emotion at that point of time [Music] [Music] don't do that huh let's go to school already huh okay [Music] definitely having andrik who is autistic actually give me a lot of different perspective of bringing up a child so comparing to my other kid who is neurotypical there's a very big difference on the upbringing and for andre i have to especially spend more time with him and those are little little things that a normal child can do well i have to spend more time to actually get him to do the same thing autistic traits that andrick has includes no eye contact doesn't respond to his names [Music] last year when he was six years so i applied for path flight yeah just like normal kids seven years old they entered into primary school what is this can you tell me what is this pride school are you excited excited excited excited puff life is known to be a good autism school they have a lot of experience in handling autism kids and of course it's a mainstream curriculum school as well yes good job don't walk away press your hand early in the morning he has to wake up around 6 30 to change into his uniform prepare to school then i'll ask him to fold back his home clothes initially we need to teach him a few times i'm hoping to see that he can actually do all these things by himself and be ready for school [Music] my mom is coming over for lunch today so i guess i had to clean up first she usually would not like to see a messy house i have been living on my own for a little more than a year now before i moved out i was very reliant on the mate [Music] because i wanted a mate to do all the dirty work for me i was very angry when i had to do chores on my own unfortunately i had to slowly learn how to do things myself oh mom what are you doing she's just cleaning the house i brought you lunch yeah sure just woke up yeah hungry hi i'm mary marcus is the eldest of my fortune he's a high functioning autistic adult he moved out because he had some problems with his stepfather and i couldn't put the two of them together under one household was it stressful i think so uh huh the main complaints were he's late turning in to bait he confines himself in the room he always has his gadget in front of him and marcus has this habit to draw in the air talk to himself the step that his patients was a bit short so after a while she just couldn't take that kind of behavior because it's not just a bad habit that we're trying to manage here marcus feels that whatever i'm doing as long as i'm comfortable i'm fine but he just doesn't care about what other people think in the end the step-dad got upset after a while because when marcus starts doing that same mistake again and again and again uh the step-dad thought of a solution which is basically to penalize him by charging him for every mistake he made [Music] it pushed markers beyond the limit and he felt so pressured to the extent that he just had a meltdown on one of the days i was nagging at marcus for staying too long in front of the computer and then there was some argument between me and him and then my husband stepped in and then both of them started crawling marcus started to get agitated i felt very angry that he refused to understand i felt that i should deserve special treatment but he thought that nobody deserves special treatment then there was some physical struggle between the two of them i don't know how that got into a fight but one thing led to another my husband he pushed marcus and i actually pointed the scissors at him and he was accused of trying to threaten my husband with the ceases and then i had no choice i had to call the police we also called the ambulance bringing marcus to imh the doctor actually said there's nothing wrong with your son he's he's calm he's well he's okay you can bring him back i explained i cannot bring him back i need him to stay away from the house for the time being and they agreed and allowed marcus to stay in imh for about three days i was lost i couldn't do anything i was very angry i was caught in between one is my son one is my husband it was very difficult for me to decide who i should support [Music] i think i made a mistake by supporting my husband too much and i didn't consider marcus feelings so at one point of time when the relationship was really bad between sorry [Music] because of mandatory concerns i didn't want to move out but i know that having my own place would definitely be mentally better for me from my husband's side i think the expectation is still there that she will not make it because he's staying on his own one of the things i worry is if he falls sick there's no one to care for him that's actually my biggest concern especially with kovit he refuses to get vaccinated huh you don't want to take your vaccine i really ah i told you i think i shouldn't be taking the backseat i vote for you no no no no no huh i'll cancel if you book everybody else is vaccinated and i'm not because of my own beliefs and unfortunately their beliefs are different from mine what about the non mr and a and i still had to wait for the vaccine and go for the vaccine and then after that you can you're free to do everything that you want to yeah but at the expense of my body having side effects and all that i'd rather not take the chance not getting vaccinated does not affect my work because it's mostly at home you go for the non-mrna one he's been reading about the damages that he can do to your health i think it's his asc that keeps him determined not to get vaccinated because he believes in what he reads [Music] i'm an adult i think i should be making my own health decisions and doing my own research i make my own informed decision that would be it [Music] i have this mommy group which i chance upon through facebook they all share their journey taking care of their autistic kids [Music] so i think one of my difficulties is how do i give each of the child and give them some timing and at the same time you need to work also but every day is just so packed like i always share with parents even though he has a disability doesn't mean that he's disabled or unable to function as independently as possible and i also talk if he does not complete his task it's okay let him get away with it but tomorrow you're gonna put it back up there again he just cannot get away with it once you start on a schedule and then make sure you enforce it i think over time they will progressively want to follow it it's very tough it's not going to be very easy i i think it really gives new meaning to tough love right that's my dad and i also i wanted to make his life easier and make him feel happier but at the same time i also don't want to force him to do things that he don't want to do so if you don't disappear when he's young when he's older there's no way you can disagree because he's going to be stronger than you he will probably carry you into the living and he may end up even you know injuring you so he better know who's the boss first andre come stand up can you help me sweep the vlog i'm teaching him how to do some simple chores like sweeping the floor later we play okay you help me sweep the floor tissue paper on the floor okay and hold the broom on the other hand and then sweep like this okay sweep the tissue paper in yes good job some more sweep the tissue paper inside sweet yes this is part of his daily living skills that i need to train him [Laughter] give me a high five yes mom helped me do most of the interior decoration she helped me paint the walls and set up the furniture i basically have to learn how to do all those house chores after i moved in it's the only way to survive i wouldn't want to end up like mostly some folks which basically can't even keep their house clean and attract a lot of cockroaches [Music] my mom taught me how to fold the laundry i really don't know what's the real purpose of folding clothes or making it look neater [Music] back in mom's house i always like borrowed and read this kind of books mostly in their time to learn how to earn more money for myself that way i can like at that time break free from my stepfather's like stranglehold on me i'm gonna put this in bluntly he will ask for money last form fine he asked for a fine living with my stepfather it got increasingly stressful because he decided to punish me for my actions and several habits like talking to myself drawing in the air or isolating myself in a corner doing my own things and when i continued to do these activities that triggered him now that i'm leaving my own home and i wouldn't be judged about how i do these things it actually feels more liberating to say the least where's our house that block in front no later there we go playground walk to our blog first can you see the car park there's a car park on the right and on the left is our block okay come you walk straight under the shelter here this is of course our first time teaching him the route back home then he needs more practice so that he can get the routine of it and then recognize the way back home it's very important because for special needs kids especially for him he tends to roam off if we never look closely at him he tends to roam off elsewhere so if we couldn't get our eyes on him and he walked elsewhere right then he might lost his way we go ahead and take the leaf okay can you help me practically wait again later later later we come down okay andre later we come down again okay later we come down again can you help me personally yeah you have to press the leave and wait for the lead okay wait when we bring him downstairs he has the impression that he will be going to the playground as an autistic child they go by routine once you prepare them that they are going to the playground if you didn't bring them there they will resist yeah so routine is very important for kids with autism okay the leaf is here come the leaf is here come let's go in go in later we come down come later then dangerous no okay so we go to level 18. [Music] [Music] let's go okay together wait wait for diddy go up first when anders was younger when then drake has meltdown or when enders cry andre will actually hit him either kick him or hit his head so we try to not put them together because i'm worried that andrik might hurt anders so we try to separate them sometimes entry will be at my parents-in-law place then the other one will be at home they are not so good yet we are trying to actually bring them together maybe fall down catch him catch him fall down you must catch him catch him i was really thinking of getting enders to help in taking care of andrik when he grows older ask copper come up [Laughter] trying to get them to play together bonding because parents we will grow old and we will pass on so it's the siblings themselves they are about the same age that they can take care of each other are your whole hands together oh you know coco is special he's special right so next time can you help mommy to take care of coco together can if coco run away can you follow me if it's dangerous can you tell boys yes coco can also take care of you you take care of each other have to build their bonding because if we are not around in the future they they have to be with each other i'm going to meet dr lim she's actually the founder of caring sg meeting her to seek some advice from her my oldest one is 19 and she has so-called low support needs autism my youngest one is 12. he has the hyperactive kind of adhd plus autism my middle one she's neurotypical but i always tell myself to remember her because she sandwiched between two special needs sibling is the one who is often neglected i have my enders who is the second one he is four years old and since young i have been telling him that his cocoa is special so i may need you to help to take care of kokko one very important lesson i learned is that the siblings are often forgotten and they didn't choose to be caregivers they're just born into it and we shouldn't burden them to be caregivers my second one she tells me mommy when i was in ketu you told me when i grow up i must look after this entity she said so you don't love me is it i'm born you give us to me because you need me to look after my dad wow it really broke my heart because i didn't realize that she took it that way a lot of them actually feel that way so from that moment on i tell myself she is not destined to be a caregiver for my two other children i will make plans for them but for this second one i want her to be free i want her to be free to make life choices so we have to be there for our neurotypical children as well after talking to dr nim i learned that i shouldn't make the other two siblings feel that they actually bought into this world just to take care of their autistic brother so we have to work really hard to get him to be independent mom is pushing me for vaccination but i don't know if i'm going to get by not getting vaccinated my lifestyle doesn't change much the only thing i may not be able to do is enter malls and enter restaurants to eat in that's about it i usually don't go out i'm usually at home it is also partially because i don't have so much friends that i don't even need to go up [Music] i spend a lot of time playing this game it's because it appears to be very addictive i spent at least three hours playing this game honestly is telling me to stop playing this game because this is getting me nowhere so i'm doing it because i'm bored well i guess it's almost 8 o'clock i think it's time to listen to the radio usually i listen because of those easy listening dialects and also giant classics here so originally i listened to love songs because of the choice of songs they pick not so much of him but i guess i've grown attached to his voice class 35 singapore's number one english radio station unconditional love it has been quite hard to make friends because of my socially awkward condition i'm really a kind of a private person so it's just why i couldn't make friends i hope you're feeling good whatever that is you're doing it's a rainy rainy rainy night uh just come up from the streets i do sometimes feel a bit lonely then cooking like soup with fish cake and some seaweed that's it i have not ever cooked for anybody else it's only for myself i do not have a girlfriend eventually i would but that would depend on the situation it would mean that i will have to change my behavior to accept her for where she is i am not ready for a girlfriend maybe one day [Music] sit down here today we are here at uh my full bear so we will be uh talking to a speech therapist to find out uh in terms of speech uh what andrick needs hi amanda hello hey i'm [Music] how are you needs speech therapy because he doesn't have two-way communication so whenever we ask him questions he don't answer us or whenever he requests for things he is still using one or two words speech is actually very important because for kids they interact through speech so getting him to work on his speech is one of the way to get him to actually have the interaction with other children and rick we're going to show you a few pictures can you tell miss rita and uncle choi what you see what's the first one this is a bit like this and she isn't really responding to what the therapy is asking him to do andrei i'm gonna try to ask you is this pink or this blue okay you take your time again this pink or blue because it's a new environment so he's still exploring in the environment uh looking at different different things in the environment okay let's go forward one two three four you has really explored the room he's really fun a few things that he's liked what we're going to try and do now is focus on the fundamental of things so before language can even come in like turn taking uh waiting imitation and eye contact let him find something that he likes and then try and take turns doing it with him okay what has he found in the cupboard right now he's sticking out all the fruits uh if he's got the fruits um has he labeled them i can ask him to label and jake what is this mango is this a mango what is this it's a cucumber now let's try um upping it a little bit so if he's got the corn if he says corn can you say yellow corn just put the color of whatever it is in front what is this yellow yellow corn say yellow yellow corn yes good job why is this green cucumber good job you're doing really well amanda especially getting down to this level trying to get him to look at you and say what you're saying and repeating that's really good what's this what melon what color is the watermelon red watermelon we are starting to see him uh having three to four word sentences so it's actually very good but one thing about speech therapy also is because it's very expensive sometimes i question myself is it worth it to spend so much will i really see improvement in him mommy brush deep are you okay okay brushing open your mouth ah okay come don't swallow okay okay okay right now it's still very expensive to send kids with autism for therapy open yeah if i can have more funds that i can send him for more sessions per week more intensive therapy session it will be of course more beneficial for him ah indeed engine you wanna brush yourself okay i'll be your blood emerge brush brush if i send him every week right four times a month you'll be 600. occupational therapy plus speech therapy 600 plus his school fee 776 per month that will be 2000 so for him every month i'm spending about 2 000. so we are kind of uh sandwich uh yeah we don't earn a lot it's neither here nor that middle class i would say below middle or middle class we are not eligible for subsidy but we don't have so much money to cover all his expenses what do i worry about marcus of everything his future his job [Music] his social life his health he has to be healthy otherwise it will affect everything else his job his income you know so getting and the vaccination is very important for him so if i if i book a date right now you think about it okay once the date is confirmed the appointment is confirmed okay i'll let you know and then you decide whether you want to go for it or not okay then you let me know okay today i have agreed to book a slot for a vaccination appointment for my mom not for myself okay i have agreed to book an appointment for vaccination because of peer pressure from my family but the decision still lies with me like i said i will i would need to think about it i really hope that he will think about it if people around him can encourage him and let him see the benefits of being vaccinated i think and is able to open up and be willing to go for the appointment then that would be good [Music] [Music] nice to meet you hi amanda yeah sure today i'll be meeting way young to find out some advice from him on the employment opportunity for persons with autism actually the biggest question i have right is for my son and drake whether he can be independent in the future able to support himself get a job and earn a living for himself for each individual their strengths are different but in general most individual spectrum work better with structured routine tasks when there's clear step-by-step instructions but what's important is that we look into the strengths of the individuals on the spectrum right we try to see where their strengths are they can do jobs ranging from white collar so they can do office jobs where they're working in banks or ministries where they do things like scanning digitization data entry right they can also do jobs such as the i.t encoding [Music] so these are really the strengths which the employers come to value they will fight to be able to sustain and keep these employees because they see value in their strengths and not because they're taking pity on them for all individuals on spectrum they can lead a life of meaning dignity and independence i felt very hopeful i feel that um there's still a lot of hope for persons with autism they can still find a job there's training around for them to actually blend them into the environment i currently work as a freelance digital content creator i do mostly 3d graphics photography video editing every suddenly i have to double into animation [Music] the job enables me to pay for my own rent and my own utility bills mom still gives me allowance because she's worried that discount jobs pay a bit little compared to having a stable full-time job the thing is unfortunately it was hard to find a job because nobody would have that kind of accommodation for me and my work attitude i call the multimedia degree but the thing is i only got admin jobs it didn't last long i slept in the office i watched videos i played with my phone during my work time in the office i would sometimes talk to myself i was a bit noisy maybe i did draw in the air they did not like it okay working as a freelancer at least i have my own time and my own flexibility and whenever i had the energy i would do it today i'm going to meet leslie he's my friend and my boss hey leslie hey good afternoon you had the mail yeah okay come take a seat okay yeah show me what you have done just do this so we are supposed to create a breathing scene right yep and this is what i did so far yeah okay marcus has been working for me for about two years so when i first got to know marcus and i've seen some of these uh projects that we've done i felt that he has all the skill sets you know he just needs a platform where he can exhibit his talents show me what's the next animation that uh we have to do okay i see that you have created the lotus uh resting on water uh so it makes the lotus looks more realistic yep the particles and all this are representative of the rng from my experience with someone with asd it's a bit different from neurotypical people like us so we just had to create a system and not like overtax them with margaret we don't do like extensive meetings yeah we will do like short break i'll get him to execute show me something we'll do in stages instead so our animation will eventually be adjusted to suit the final output we need to plan our schedule our timing properly because uh we need to deliver this this whole project within a month currently this is the best working environment i had so far even with all the stresses and the luck so so far i'm happy with i'm saying now we what we have to look forward is just your final piecing of the whole thing together i respect him a lot just because he gives me an alternative side view that my family may not have he makes sure that at least i have some money to spend for myself he's getting all of his jobs from leslie what happens if one day leslie retires you know and what is marcus going to do [Music] to be very honest he's so comfortable with his current lifestyle if he has to move into a full-time job nine to five it is going to be very difficult for him to adjust with marcus's income he can actually afford to pay the rent on his own and that's also because we got this place under the subsidised scheme but he didn't come easy because i had to go through two or three rounds of appeals to the htv [Music] these are the old letters that i actually appealed so the first rejection was in 2017 yeah so this was the letter that i wrote to hgb first time i was rejected and then i was told he has to have another person that means a co-tenant to live with [Music] marcus doesn't have any friends he doesn't have anybody that he can live with and i appealed the second time i was also rejected [Music] because he was under age back then he was only 21 and then he didn't have an income yet then in 2020 i wrote again to heb to appeal i even brought marcus to see the mp and i explained that because of marcus asd cannot hold any full-time job he cannot live with other people he has to have a roof and he doesn't get along with the stepfather and the stepfather will not accept him back in this household anymore the mp actually helped to connect me to a couple of resources for autistic people and i redirected the query to heb it was a difficult time right and i was under also a lot of pressure to get a place for him on his own you know i really hope that um there is a kind of like a community living hostel or place basically a residential place where high functioning autistic people are able to stay for marcus there was no option at all open market rental is far too expensive for him to to afford you know with the housing prices on the rise it's so expensive to get a place for him [Music] so in 2020 the mp he replied i understand that hiv renter has received special approval for your adult son marcus to rent a hdb flat alone [Music] in october we got the keys and he moved out officially back then and stayed on his own so it doesn't actually happens to everyone who is in the same situation as you i mean i should be thankful and super lucky that this should this happens also you must learn to manage this on your own huh yeah sure big hello yeah mom i thought about it very hard and eventually i decided to not to go for my vaccination appointment i don't want to go because actually we originally booked the appointment in order to make you happy but then i thought about it very hard i decided my well-being is a lot more important than this but at any point of time when you go you gotta take precautions and then also you can make sure that you wash your hands when you come back i always do that mom don't worry this vaccination is for your own health thing to like not to make me happy all right i love her and i appreciate what she has done i only hope mom will understand because ultimately it's my own decision and not hers to take i've given him all the advice that i can and i still worry about the side effects that he has to go through if he ever contracts the virus i think i have to respect his decision at the end of the day it's his body it's his choice he's a grown adult coma roots [Music] sometimes you will think will my life be more easier if i'm single [Music] i think some of the mother will think this way lah being a mother you will feel blessed sometimes when you see your children grow so one of the things which i have learned from mummies from the support groups we being mother with autism kids we are actually the chosen one because god believed that we have the power to take care of them whenever i'm down whenever i'm feeling very bad myself i will always think of this sentence [Music] higher shoelace first like this oh these two ribbon yes [Music] you

Channel: CNA Insider

Views: 255,350

Keywords: CNA, Channel NewsAsia, People stories, Asia stories, special needs, documentary, family, speech therapy, mental health, Autism Spectrum Disorder, asd

Id: Dc5Czy6mGEw

Length: 46min 0sec (2760 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 10 2022