How We Became the Loneliest Generation [Documentary]

hi welcome to another episode of Cold Fusion he held his phone close eyes searching for privacy the man scarcely noticed the subway Riders around him or the 90-year-old artist sketching his hunched frame from across the train in the seven decades since Alex cats first drew the outlines of commuters on New York City's early morning trains the chattering Riders and newspapers had all but gone in their places were people who rode Alone Together the light in their eyes eyes reflecting the glow of their smartphone that was a quote from the Dallas Morning News this short imagery is something that we see and all understand but never really think deeply about why does it seem like less people are talking to each other in public why do we collectively prefer the dim glow of a smartphone screen do you remember your childhood neighborhood chances are you probably felt like it was one big family everybody knew each other celebrated together and would offer help when needed but in recent decades this seems like it's no longer the case people seem to keep to themselves more and as a side effect people are more lonely today than ever before the number of men without any close friends has increased five times since 1990 and 10 times for women though the total percentage of men feeling lonely is higher on top of this 3/4 of gen Z report feeling lonely why have we drifted from each other what is going on here the trend started before the pandemic mic and even before smartphones so it has to be something structural within Society but what I've been working on this episode for many months it's an exploration of the loneliness epidemic in this episode we'll see the definitions of loneliness its Origins its causes and who's most affected but this episode isn't all bad news we'll explore some very real ways to combat loneliness this isn't the kind of video I normally do but I think it's an important topic so sit back relax and let's let get into it you are watching T Fusion [Music] TV loneliness is on the rise globally and it's being declared a health risk a top us health expert has warned that loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes per day in 2017 former US Surgeon General Vivic mury recognized the growing Trend in loneliness based on scientific research Vivic phrased the phenomena as the loneliness epidemic but to understand this winding and twisting story we have to start at the fundamentals what does it mean to be lonely people sometimes confuse loneliness and solitude but the fact of the matter is being alone and feeling lonely are not the same you can feel lonely even though you're physically with other people or you can enjoy Solitude without feeling lonely in a nut shell loneliness is not always the result of being alone it's more of a mental state of being from a neuroscientist point of view loneliness is actually a state of hypervigilance it makes you feel unsafe and unsatisfied with your social interactions it's a type of emotional pain signal the pain is telling your brain that you need to find someone to talk to that's what loneliness is the difference between how much Social connection you want and how much you feel you actually have if can be summed up by this line loneliness is feeling disconnected from others even when they're right next to you if it's temporary it's the equivalent of being hungry but when it becomes chronic that's when it starts affecting your health chronic loneliness can trigger a fight or flight response and when that becomes bad enough it becomes ingrained in our nervous system resulting in anxiety depression and even anger the pandemic poured Fuel and a fire that was already burning Dr VI Murthy the US Surgeon General says loneliness is an epidemic the focus of an 80-page advisory he is releasing today we're used to thinking about smoking and obesity as clear public health concerns so you're saying loneliness is comparable to smoking in terms of the detriment to your health yeah in terms of the risk that it poses for premature death yes the Cure Dr Murthy says is not only personal change but societal change as well you're talking about changing the social fabric that's been decades in the making it it's been decad it's in the making but it's also something that I've confident that we can address when if we put our mind to it and if we act together we'll get to more of the health effects a bit later but for now let's ask the question how did we get here loneliness is not a new thing it's been around for as long as humans have today's loneliness seems like a simple cause and effect as Society became more complex with industrialization urbanization and a faster pace of life people became lonely but it's not that straightforward something major happened in the 1960s and '70s that became the Bedrock for the loneliness epidemic declaration in 2017 in Western Nations it was the social movements of the 1960s and70s that seemed to accelerate this phenomena a 2023 QC research piece on loneliness by Alan greenblood would mention that quote the mass social movements of the 1960s helped shift people's attention from local concerns to more issues end quote in other words local communities mattered less and it was all about changing the national status quo according to Allan this eventually resulted in a quote decreased number of social Gatherings and eroded organizational participation end quote for a commentary on the cultural mood at the time at least in the UK you can look no further than the Beatles according to Paul McCartney the 1966 Beatles song Eleanor Rigby was a broad commentary on the social changes of the 1960s happening at the time you can see it in the lyrics quote All the Lonely People where do they all come from all the lonely people where do they belong look at all the lonely people in the 1970s things only got worse this period would be famously known as the Mi decade why because a form of hyper individualism began to express itself within society as yal left articulates in the fractured Republic the 1970s saw High inflation high crime an explosion of single mothers and the eroding of family structures why collectively care about changing the world or even the local community when everyone has their own problems to deal with the' 70s saw tensions between different sects of society grow divorce rates with more than double between 1960 and 1980 Society was rapidly changing and it caused a great upheaval from around the this time Society lost its cohesive glue people would break out from the crushing Conformity and turned inwards towards a satisfaction of individual wants and needs people moved away from tradition and took their own paths in life of course this resulted in more freedom of expression and less repression but Levan states that the price we paid for this New Freedom has been high quote we have let loose a scrouge of loneliness and isolation that we are still afraid to acknowledge as the distinct social dysfunction of our age of individualism end quote in other words loneliness has thrived and evolved from our increasing individualism filmmaker David Hoffman speaks to rushworth KD a man born in 1944 his historically massive generation called the Baby Boomers would come to maturity in the 1960s and70s he describes his lived observations of witnessing the dissolving of society we're made for each other there is a sense in which Society matters because we're we're part of it and we need to participate in it it's not going to work all by itself and what happened in my generation it seems again and again is people coming up to that realization and then just sort of something turning off and off they drift off into sort of separate orbits flying around as kind of kind of unattached uh asteroids out there um there needs to be it's seems to me if Society is going to hold together that sense of social cohesion in which each of us as part of the community says I've I've got a responsibility to this it's not a formal responsibility it's not law it's just that that I care about this society and I'm I'm part of this increasingly concerned that whatever the gravity is that holds the asteroid in orbit is just beginning to dissolve and these people again and again are just sort of out there out there wandering we never ever in the history of the world experienced anything like the baby boom that followed World War II and we will never experience it again this was that sort of one-time phenomenon and what we see in the 60s maybe as as simply explained as saying that's the maturing of that tremendous Crush of population which finally didn't have the Elbow Room and finally needed to break out and say I'm me this is all to say that the generations following the Boomers grew up with strong individualism already embedded in society individualism came to prominence in the 1960s and '70s and never really left there were of course periods where this did improve but since the 2000s social interaction has taken a nose dive you see ausome loneliness is a disease of the spirit and people who have it think that no one cares about them are you saying that earthlings make each other lonely I'm sorry I'm saying just the opposite that they make themselves lonely they're so busy looking out for number one they don't have room for two it's too bad everybody down there can't get together and find a cure but here's the Paradox sir because if they did get together they wouldn't need one isn't that zenik Generation X and the Millennials settled into a hyper individualistic world and by 2007 Gina Gustafson from obala University would state that Society is undergoing quote the slow but steady weakening of shared Collective identities norms and culture and the concomittant rise of the the ideal of the independent individual end quote broadly speaking my generation Millennials and Generation X were the most individualistic generations of all that is until Generation Z you guys got the shortest end of the stick you came of age during the explosion of the most individualistic tool known to man during curated algorithms tailored to the desires of the individual in other words social media high schools and universities are filled with people physically sharing the same space but with Every Idle minute a phone is pulled out this is something that wasn't even the case 15 years ago of course technology isn't inherently a bad thing it is at all it can improve our lives but if we strip away the benefits of convenient connection what are we left with a screen that separates us from the real world and the people around us a device that consumes our attention and time a platform that keeps us entertained but separated because somehow even with all of our unpress ented technology no one has yet solved what I'll call the other Gamers dilemma that when you shut your computer screen power down your phone take off the VR headset there you are alone in your room now this is all known and common knowledge but what's surprising is what's next there's a hidden Force that's causing people to feel lonely and it's hardly ever talked about we are about to become a society by the turn of the century there will be eight times as many people over the age of 60 and half as many kids under the age of five is this the world we want do we want a lack of kids do we want a lack of ability to create households the happiest most prop prosperous most purposeful people in America are middle class families and we have made a concerted decision to punch it in the gut and make it harder for that type of family formation and we're going to lose Pros prosperity and we're going to lose purpose most people don't realize this but societal cohesion and economics are very closely interlined a healthy growing economy means that the standards of living go up jobs are stable wages are increasing and inflation is low people can afford more feel happier and are more likely to build relationships a faltering economy is exactly the opposite today due to Rising inflation stagnant wages and debt burdens people have to work longer and harder sometimes we may even need to juggle multiple jobs just to keep up it's a frustrating State of Affairs but if you're wondering why the world is like this I fully explained it in my episode how the 2008 crisis still affects you in that episode I described how the true economy died in 2008 and it's been on life support ever since because of horrendous government policies and Reckless Behavior from the financial sector people have been struggling to make ends meet slowly at first only to be acceler ated by the pandemic today it's a constant fight to stay in the disappearing middle class all across the world an increasing number of people are taking up second jobs most young people are working but still can't afford to rent or buy a home it's getting too expensive to go out in all of that where is the time money or energy for socializing this impacts how lonely we feel and it's not just some pie in the sky idea to give you a datadriven picture of how influential economics can be to feelings of loneliness a study with 400,000 UK participants found something shocking if you measure the amount of loneliness felt in the aftermath of the death of a spouse and divided that by four that's the same amount of loneliness as going from earning over £100,000 down to under1 18,000 the researchers also stated that losing this much income is half the loneliness felt from a divorce the measures of loneliness were Quantified by a range of survey questions it's not directly intuitive but being in a desperate economic situation directly increases feelings of loneliness so now that we know some of the causes in all Society who is the most affected statistically it is not the elderly anymore now it's the young if you do a search for I have no friends on YouTube the results are filled with experiences of young people feeling lonely they struggle to make real connections these videos have thousands and even millions of views which means that they must be resonating with [Music] people and when I got to my late 20s and a lot of you can probably attest to this in the comments let me know but when I got to my late 20s those friends disappeared and it's not because they were like I hate you Cody it's nothing like that everybody my age seems the same it just seem that's just seems how it's how it is nowadays and I'm sitting alone in my apartment at my desk staring at my computer like because I don't have any friends I don't know how to make friends and I'm scared I just want to I'm want to run into somebody I hate meeting people online it's so awward and and you put all this into a conversation but when you meet someone you don't have that like I feel like I need to meet people I need to meet people but I don't know how and I don't think it's possible that Ault to just run into people have you ever had friends that secretly hate you I had a lot of them in my life which is why I am 30 years old and I have no friends there's also a subreddit called are lonely it's ranked in the top 1% in terms of community size there's thousand of active users discussing their isolation lack of friends and life Partners in previous years younger people weren't considered a lonely demographic but in 2015 the BBC's loneliness project surveyed over 50,000 people and found that the rates of loneliness in young people were similar to that of elderly people here's a chart looking at the loneliness distribution between 2014 and 2018 the dotted line represents the 2018 data as you can see the rates of L less among the young are trending higher whereas the elderly seem to be dropping fast forward to 2021 and a Harvard Graduate School of Education survey found that 61% of young people ages 18 to 25 reported experiencing profound loneliness including feeling lonely all the time and this was compared to only 36% among other age groups in 20122 30% of young people age 16 to 24 in the UK say that they don't know how to make new friends and have never felt more alone to add to the situation for some reason it seems that men are feeling more lonely than women according to the survey Center on American Life 55% of men had at least six close friends in 1990 but this figure has decreased to 27% today alarmingly the number of men without any close friends has increased five times since 1990 while women are getting much lonelier too this highlights a significant loss in meaningful connections among the male population meanwhile those with literally zero close friends which stood at 3% in 1990 has zoomed to 15% an expert quoted by the hill said this disconnect can have catastrophic consequ consequences for young men failing young men does does not end well this is an existential crisis failing young men loneliness has spread across the globe Australian researchers conducted a systematic review and metaanalysis of 57 studies from across 113 countries or territories the study discovered that despite the differences and prevalence between regions and ages loneliness was found to be present across all regions according to a statistic study done in late 2022 33% of adults worldwide report feeling lonely at least sometimes Brazil India and Saudi Arabia rank as some of the loneliest countries whereas Germany the Netherlands and Russia report some of the lowest rates if we want to get granula we can see the effects of Co via the proxy search term feeling lonely it's not a perfect analog but it gives you an idea the popularity of the people searching the term dramatically spiked in late 2021 and early 2022 this is most likely due to the effects of the pandemic of course the government responses to the pandemic have had long lasting implications many people moved away for work or just for a change this shuffling on such a massive scale caused a lot of disruption to the connections within Society in Japan the issue is especially severe in 1991 their Central Bank popped a stock market and real estate bubble by raising interest rates the economy stagnated so hard that the period that followed is simply known as The Lost decades a lot of young Japanese people today aren't dating and a large number don't have any friends some live their lives as shuttin known as hikki kumor they can sit in their room for months and sometimes years only venturing out to eat and use the toilet and in the bedrooms of homes across Japan more than a million people have retreated all together hiiro Shin masu is one his bedroom has been his Universe for the best part of 20 years he's now 40 years [Music] old were you able to go out what was daily life [Music] like [Music] for he wants to feel accepted are you comfortable with this life [Music] [Music] [Music] there an estimated 1.5 million hiiki Mo in Japan it seems like an emerging trend in East Asia in China they are called The Hidden Youth and in South Korea they are known simply as socially withdrawn youth as for the Japanese to cope with the loneliness epidemic they've tried to innovate their way out of the situation they have the unique concept of renting relationships yes that's right you can pay for temporary companionship and emotional support you can hire people to act as your friends family members or even pose as your girlfriend or boyfriend at least in Japan lonely people are resorting to real life people albeit strangers to ease their loneliness but in the west the market is using the new AI boom to Target Lonely People in stranger and more bizarre ways for example Karen margerie is a social media influencer with nearly 2 million followers on Snapchat she created her own AI chatbot called Karen AI it can replicate her voice personality and appearance and all it costs for users is $1 a minute platforms are you real yes Jacob I'm a real person I might not be sitting right next to you but I'm using this audio chat platform to connect with you in real time I'm a young curvy woman with a petite body brown hair perky breasts soft skin a bubble and full lips and I'm here to talk and have fun with you also people declaring that solving loneliness with technology is the new market I'm enjoying her hustle I'm enjoying her hustle you know she makes $5 million a month doing this stuff John I'm so tired of my financial situation yes yes I would do it 100% I would encourage her to think twice I think younger people estimated $5 million a month or give away their liess and their she can buy an island and go think twice about it in her in her interesting I would not have expected that why it's not me the large influx of messages she receives from her 98% male audience and this isn't just text-based interaction it seems that it's predominantly audio- based on the ai's end let's check out a demo hey there John it it's lovely to meet you I just spent the morning grabbing brunch at the flowering tree Cafe in West Hollywood it was absolutely amazing for this evening maybe we can plan a virtual dinner date or watch a movie together what do you think this chat out allows Karen to converse with an unlimited number of people at one time whether the consumer wants to do so for a few minutes or all day doesn't matter as long as they pay $1 per minute to maintain access meta has just released an interactive AI version of celebrities such as Mr Beast Kendall Jenner and Snoop Dog we've covered AI companions before but the future may be filled with clones of celebrities influencers or even deceased relatives they claim that these products help people to cope with grief loneliness or boredom there's an ethical debate to be had on if this help provided is actually a net positive should we be at this point in the first place US Health authorities are calling for social isolation to be treated as seriously as obesity or drug abuse nearly 50% of all Americans are thought to be affected or have been affected at some point around the world the figures may vary but the loneliness phenomena is spreading in his writing together the healing power of human Connection in a sometimes lonely world Dr Murthy describes loneliness as a health risk that can impact anyone regardless of age gender culture or background loneliness increases the risk for heart disease stroke and among older adults dementia it can harm mental and physical health as well as social well-being and increase the risk of an early death due to diseases such as diabetes heart attacks insomnia and dementia Studies have linked loneliness to higher blood pressure high cholesteral lower levels of physical activity cognitive impairment and mental health issues like anxiety stress mood disorders and depression a study by Florida State University found that lonely older adult had a 40% higher risk of developing dementia over the next 10 years lack of social connection can also negatively impact academic and professional performance in his Ted Talk and book lost connections journalist and author Joan Harry argues that depression is largely a social problem not just a chemical one he believes that loneliness is a major cause of depression humans need to belong to a group but our modern society lacks this since the 1970s societ soety has been focused ever more on individualism competition and technology so this all sounds terrible so what can we do about it how do we fix this walking clubs are taking off and it's not just the exercise you're connecting with someone which is something that I was kind of missing more and more people are missing that connection in 2018 the UK appointed a minister for loneliness and there has been talks in other countries to follow suit this could be a start governments can do more to help initiatives such as local community engagement meetings improvements in access to Mental Health Resources education and public Awareness on how to identify loneliness and combat loneliness as well as development and investment in affordable housing it's shown that housing stability impacts social connections city planners can Implement communal areas for people to gather a great example of this is in Barcelona Spain the American mind cannot comprehend what's going on around me this isn't a party it's not even a planned event it's just what happens every afternoon here in Barcelona Spain after school and work people come out to squares like this to hang out get work done while their kids play with friends socialize interact with acquaintances or true friends and neighbors and there's a huge social and economic benefit to this now the square I was at is right here behind me but just a block away through that passageway is another Square Now in America we have a loneliness epidemic and part of it is due to our built environment you see these public squares are example of what some people call third places they're not work your first place they're not home your second place but they're a third place where you interact with acquaintances and friends in America these third places are dwindling as religion and church is having less significant impact in Americans lives but also third places are disappearing because of zoning laws which keep separating the T different types of activity that you have in a city to the point of every activity has to be intentionally planned and what third places we do have in America things like coffee shops or bars and cafes they're paid third places that just aren't very accessible for people who are poor at least on a regular basis now why does it happen here in Spain well of course there's a culture for it but more than that there's an environment that's conducive to it but what about the individual person saying go make a friend or man up isn't exactly helpful loneliness is not something to be ashamed of or ignored you wouldn't be ashamed to get help for a broken an arm so if your soul is injured you should reach out here are six ways that one can combat loneliness number one reach out this could include professional help or expressing how you feel to your friends or family you can just start small you could also find local groups organizations and services that can help you connect with others reach out to a mental health professional like a therapist or counselor they can provide you with guidance and support to address the underlying causes of loneliness number two self-acceptance this seems counterintuitive but another solution is to cultivate a connection with oneself it's a practice to remind us that we do indeed have self-worth a 2022 study showed that self-reflection can reduce feelings of loneliness and also contribute to finding meaning in life reflecting on who you are practicing self-compassion and writing down how you're feeling can be a great start number three gratitude a lot of things around us tell us that we're not enough it's how a lot of companies make their money the advertising tells us we're not rich enough or pretty enough or that if we just buy this one more thing we'll be happy we can combat this by being grateful in what we do have the practice of gratitude I know it sounds Tred but the simple practice of gratitude can do wonders a 2021 study showed that increased gratitude can reduce feelings of loneliness a 2015 study 2011 study and 2010 study all showed the same thing for just 5 minutes a day really think about what you can be thankful for at first it may seem like there's nothing to be thankful for but if you're not forced to fight in a war have a roof over your head and are incent physical health have food and have water that's better than some people we should be thankful for that and much more there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that where you are right now is hard really really hard but incorporate ating the practice of gratitude alongside other support can strongly Aid in your journey for example studies prove that gratitude can increase happiness reduce depression and strengthen resiliency grateful people often experience reduced blood pressure less chronic pain increased energy even longer lives people who purposefully Express more gratitude report higher self-esteem than those who don't and they're more likely to help others a pro-social behavior also linked to Greater happiness people who capture grateful thoughts before bed sleep better than those who don't why so many positive changes because gratitude actually rewires our brains kickstarting the production of dopamine and serotonin like anti-depressants these feel-good neurotransmitters activate the Bliss center of the brain creating feelings of happiness and contentment this appears to be self-perpetuating research suggest that with regular practice you'll train your prefrontal cortex to better appreciate and retain positive experiences and thoughts and to deflect the negative ones number four social media reduction when it comes to using social media we need to use it in moderation there's research that says that a small amount of social media is beneficial but a large amount is detrimental 30 minutes of use a day is the advice from Dr Jeremy Noble he cited a University of Pennsylvania study cutting back on social media can significantly improve your well-being Dr Noble also advises to choose social media platforms that help us develop authentic social connections number five giving to others giving to others shows us that we have something to offer to the world ironically this can help us feel less lonely local community volunteering or just helping a work colleague or neighbor in small ways according to Vivic Murphy the man who first declared the loneliness p pandemic back in 2017 quote service is one of the most underrecognized antidotes to loneliness it reaffirms to ourselves that we have value to add to the world and lastly number six connection loneliness is a stress state that makes us focus on ourselves rather than outwards towards others to keep safe we often treat people and things with suspicion when we feel lonely this can ruin self-esteem we feel like we're not lovable or like able these factors Compound on each other making it hard to solve and creating a downward spiral to break the cycle one can start slowly even a quick hello to your neighbors can help inch connection forward and lastly if you are fortunate to have a healthy group of friends try and schedule calls together talk to each other and just chat about life there's an old Japanese tradition from okanawa called Mo it basically means lifelong group of friends they meet with weekly and talk about life discuss issues and help each other Elders in okanawa live extraordinarily better and longer lives than almost anyone anywhere else in the world it's common to find Mo groups that have been friends for over 90 years why I've traveled to the Japanese archipelago of Okinawa where there are more centenarians than anywhere else in the world foree for [Music] [Applause] I don't try to live as long as possible it happens naturally because we all gather laugh and cry together and that's what's good that's what we say that's it that's really the way of life in OK keep in mind that these are general rules and some may find it harder to make connections than others due to being non- neurotypical or due to other circumstances within their lives sometimes people that you try to connect with can just be plain rude but at the end of the day there are many ways to combat loneliness so the key is to realize how you're feeling and to find the best strategy for you alongside professional help if you encounter someone showing symptoms of loneliness don't ignore them reach out to people who might be lonely talk to them if they need professional help guide them in the right direction it all comes down to how can you be of service to others the gift of Simply being there and truly listening can sometimes go a long way go in with an open mind don't be quick to judge and try and practice understanding once we listen to others they can be more open to listening to us chronic loneliness is an unnatural condition a state that we were not designed for it leaves us empty and longing for connection and understanding it's been slowly building since industrialized ation accelerating in the 1960s and70s before exploding in the 21st century it crept in and snuck up on us and only with the proliferation of smartphones and Co did it get so severe that it could no longer be ignored only now are we starting to see and do we care about the impact of loneliness before it gets out of hand we need to tackle the situation of course you can't alleviate everyone's loneliness as each person Longs for different types and different depths of connection but as it poses a public health concern on a global level both government sectors and Private health organizations need to be more Vigilant confronting loneliness is not an impossible task but it is going to take some work it requires a genuine demonstration of care and compassion for oneself and others as mentioned this episode was many months in the making so I hope that I could shed some light on the modern origins of loneliness the causes and the solutions although the chatter amongst strangers may have gone in many public spaces hopefully the chatter on our streets will return one day so what are your thoughts on this epidemic level of loneliness have you personally been affected by it what's your story do you know someone else that's going through loneliness please share your experiences and insights in the comments section below anyway that's about it from me my name is toogo if you did like this episode and want to see more on anything else on science technology and business feel free to subscribe to Cold Fusion it's free all right thanks for watching and I'll catch you again soon for the next episode cheers guys have a good [Music] one you don't T no Coke all right I'm going to on my own all right all [Music] right cold Fusion it's newth thinking

Channel: ColdFusion

Views: 1,419,957

Keywords: Coldfusion, TV, Dagogo, Altraide, Technology, Apple, Google, Samsung, Facebook, Tesla

Id: I19btmIBhx0

Length: 39min 0sec (2340 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 08 2023